Alisha (who clearly needs her own podcast, just for her email subject alone) writes:
Is there some fussy-farting-limits-testing-booshity thing that happens around the 7 month mark? Because the boy and I have been going ten rounds lately and he's kicking my parental ass. I don't know if it's the teething (it looks like his bottom eye teeth are coming in. I thought the top ones came before the sides?) or some sort of developmental thing (he's 32 weeks but he was 2 weeks late so developmentally that's 34 weeks? He's starting to sit unassisted for a few seconds and crawling is imminent, although I've been saying that for weeks) or if I'm just being punished for being smug, but my son is back to non-sleeping. It started a few days ago - a little extra rocking here, another round of Lullabye there. Small stuff that was easy to dismiss. Clearly a month of cushy snoozing (five minutes of rocking and he was out until 5 am; easy breezy naps) made us soft. Now he's taking forever to settle and once he is asleep it doesn't last. The minute his head hits the mattress he flips onto his back, grabs his blankie, and shoots us a self-satisfied grin.
FOOLS!!!
That's what the grin says, I swear it. You can practically count the exclamation points in his eyes. Lather, rinse, repeat (two to four more times) and you've got yourself one pissed off mama.
It's the joy - the exalation! - that makes me so crazy. It feels like a giant F- you to my parenting skills. We did CIO at 4.5 months and after 16 miserable, worthless days ended up with a baby who was terrified to go to sleep. Then we instigated a rock/jiggle/hum routine that worked wonders - until now. I've tried leaving him to cry again which sends him to Shitsville in a large, wailing basket. I've said fuck it and gotten him up which leads to a grouchy, bleary eyed babe and a difficult day. According to the books (here we go...) he'll nap better if he sleeps longer at night so I should ignore him until 6 am. (Actually they say he should be sleeping until 6 am which makes me want to punch them in the nose.) There's no way: his diaper is practically deteriorating by 4:30 (the outside actually squishes, it's so full) and I defy anyone to get a baby back to sleep after an early morning wipe down.
I'm trying to convince myself that this is just a phase (maybe he's transitioning from 3 naps to 2?) but there's an awful lot of You're Not The Boss Of Me happening lately, which is great developmentally but panty-twisting, mommy-wise. (We've introduced solids and he's starting to refuse the bottle. Sure, the nipple is good for chewin' and have you ever just opened your mouth and let the liquid spill out all over yourself? Apparently it's awesome. Awesome enough to do over and over and over and over.)
Excuse me while I take a moment.
Is this crap normal?
Oh, this sucks. I'm so sorry, although your email was super-funny and I thank you for that.
It sounds like a whole bunch of developmental, movement, and teething stuff all combined into a big ball of suck, plus the 37-week wonder week. Also, it sounds like your son may be really smart, and that's leading him to testing his independence a little bit earlier than usual. (Just like in that movie with L.L. Cool J in which they're training the sharks and then the sharks get smarter than the human are and attack.) It's tough with the smart kids, because lots of times they don't sleep as much or as well as the norm, and they get frustrated when they're aware of things but can't make their needs or will known.
At this age, he's probably too young even for sign language (you could start with the signs and he might understand at this point but probably doesn't have the physical skills to make them himself yet). And sign language likely won't help with the sleep. But talking him through every single thing that's going on all day might. Verbalizing feelings for him, like saying "You're angry!" when he's clearly mad, and stuff like that. I know people think a 7-month-old is too young to communicate, but their receptive language kids in so early, and you might as well err on the side of attributing more maturity to your kid than less.
But back to the main point, which is that the books are full of crap. OK, not necessarily pure crap, but the stuff in those books works for a certain subset of kids. And it's not working for your son, so for your purposes, the books are crap.
If it makes you feel any better, I got 6 emails since Wednesday about naps, so there's something going around. And there isn't anything in your email that's jumping out at me as obvious that you could fix. If you've checked the usual things (propping the head of the crib, cutting out solid for a few hours before bed in case it's indigestion, temperature check noises check, etc.), then it's just time to open it up to sympathy. You're doing a great job.
Readers, it's Friday. And yet none of us will have a weekend because our kids will be up at the same freaking time as usual on Saturday morning. Sympathy for Alisha, primal scream for yourself, or pie recipes all appreciated in the comments.
Hang in there. I have to at that stage I could have counted the number of enjoyable days with my little dude on one hand. I was pretty frustrated all of the time. But he turned an amazing corner around 8.5 months and things improved so much. He still has his developmental spurts that kick my butt, but we are in a much better place.
We had the soaking diaper problem and used maxi pads as doublers. Once he got back to sleeping through the night, the soaking went away.
Posted by: Jen | July 25, 2008 at 12:28 PM
Oh man, I LOVE this blog and everyone who comments. I just keep thinking "I am not alone!!" I have cursed my stack of sleep books many times and agree with everyone who says there's nothing that makes you feel like a crappier parent at 3am than a bunch of books telling you how things should be. Sleep dep SUCKS. And inexplicable new baby hijinks suck too. And apparently both things just keep sucking off and on for years (my son is only 5 mos old now, so I've only gotten a teeny taste of what crazy-making joys await). So we do the best we can. A friend of mine this morning said something I want to tattoo on my forearm: "People plan. God laughs".
Posted by: Margot | July 25, 2008 at 12:50 PM
Alisa- i feel your pain. My daughter is now 10 months old but did the same thing around 7 months. And I am sorry to say - it has started all over again!! Just this past 2 weeks or so...bed times, nap times, holy crap she is so stubborn? Not the right word. She is so ...ugh...frustrating! I totally feel like she has kicked my parental ass. AGAIN. I am just telling myself that she is super duper smart and that it is a phase but it feels like I am a total amateur and big fat loser. AGAIN. We had a brutal 4-5 month sleep regression (that is when i discovered this site thank the powers of google) Then around 6.5 months she was waking up again like every 45 minuts and we started co-sleeping and got some rest. Then BOOM my kid started taking her first steps around 7.5 months so i figured it was in part due to that. And then around 9.5 months she was fully mobile (although no crawling thank you) and walking on her own and then got 2 teeth in a row so then i blamed that. But christ almighty it feels like it is always something. Now she is sleeping marginally better during the night but getting there is the frickin' journey. Bedtime has gotten later and later and morning time has gotten earlier and earlier. And like Alisha i have found no diaper to last through the night and the 4:30am diaper change pretty much ends all hopes of more sleep. And naptime is the same struggle. I am lucky if i am getting an hour here or there. And being up with your kid from 4:30 to 10:30 with 1 hour break is wearing me down. So sorry i am rambling and have nothing helpful to add but you are not alone if that makes you feel better. Stay strong!! Abd thanks for the super awesome post today. Made my morning.
Posted by: Taylor | July 25, 2008 at 12:51 PM
Wow - I don't miss those days at all. I can totally sympathize and agree with Moxie that it sounds like you, too, have a smart baby...not to mention that a tooth is about to burst through and that crawlign is right around the corner and he'll probably start paying your bills soon, too. What makes me laugh most (beause it all made me laugh) about your post is the shit-eating grin part. My son did the same, and it cut me to the quick...it was like he knew, he KNEW, he was smarter than me and in my opinion there's no need to be so shitty about it. There are many good suggestions posted so far, so I'll just tell you this...if you visit this website (http://www.network54.com/Realm/Spirited_Kids/Budd.htm) and feel like I did - the heavens opened up and shined a light down on you and the angels sang and you felt all warm and understood - then buy the book and make notes in the margins. I feel like a best-friend/mentor has put her arm around me and told me it's all going to be ok.
Posted by: Nanette Jula | July 25, 2008 at 01:06 PM
I almost feel sick thinking about those dark days. 7-9 months was really rough in our house. I also read all the sleep books I could get my hands on and had more than one tearful meltdown about my inadequacies as a parent. Try to cio or pick-up/put-down with twins in the same room. It is THE most exasperating (and futile) experience. My son sounds very similar to yours (DD is a much better sleeper) and the only thing that ever worked for us was Kim West's book "Good Night, Sleep Tight". I hate to send you on another wild goose chase but her method just "stuck" for the little guy and we are finally sttn.
My husband used to get me through the really bad times by reminding me that the only constant in parenting is that nothing lasts forever. I can't give you an end date to your current misery but I promise that there is one. Until then, take shifts with DH and buy earplugs. It doesn't take two adults to rock one baby.
Posted by: wendy | July 25, 2008 at 01:13 PM
My son always had a full diaper in the morning, so I started getting up once or twice in the middle of the night and changing him. I had to find the "perfect" moment, though, when he was just drowsy enough to want to go back to sleep, or so sleepy that I could change him and get him back in bed before he woke up. It took a day or two to find that perfect time, but because he was getting changed in the middle of the night, by the time 4:30 rolled around, it wasn't that bad - so he would sleep another hour or so. Maybe that would help?
Posted by: Fahmi | July 25, 2008 at 01:14 PM
@Alisha, total sympathy--I have one of those sweet-but-intense, I'm happy as long as I am being completely entertained (now that she's 4, this is "as long as all my questions can be answered, because otherwise they BURN my brain")...and yes on what folks said about the kid who doesn't sleep a lot and sees the skills waaaaay in advance and gets pissed. I still don't have the answer on that one--every big skill kicks our family ass, right now I'm scared that we will be in grumpitude until she is 10 or something, because she wants not just learn to read (fine, reasonable goal, she's got plenty of options at montessori and is making progress)... but to read *like mommy RIGHT NOW* meaning smooth, fast, and any book she pulls of the shelf. I remember being like this too, although I think my temperament is a little less fierce (is "spirited" the PC term?) but I just don't know how to help her beyond getting her to the age of 30. So I don't have a ton of advice on that except to believe in your core that he's fine, and follow what he needs and what makes sense to you. It does help, IMO to have some outside care for this particular style of baby (I was back at work by this age and it was nice to be able to come home, pick her up after being refreshed by less demanding companionship--I would be exhausted--though delighted--on weekends). I definitely 3rd (4th, 5th?) talking to him--he will understand a surprising amount, and you'll get over the feeling like an idiot fairly quickly. :) You'd probably talk along to any other person you'd be hanging out with, so just consider him a valid person to do that with. Read books and point things out in the pictures if you run out of self-generated things to say.
I guess that's kind of a scream wrapped in a hug. Now, on pie--Christopher Kimball may be wrong about the tapioca, but the vodka crust is genius. :)
Posted by: Charisse | July 25, 2008 at 01:17 PM
Yeah, the worst is when they sucker you in and you think, "hey, it's getting better. I actually feel like a human being again."
And then they decide to regress. Whee.
As someone whose son didn't sleep through the night til 16 frickin months old, all I can say is, yup, it sucks. It'll pass. In the meantime, find your happy thought - that's about the only pro-active thing you can do right now.
Posted by: Tzipporah | July 25, 2008 at 01:18 PM
This sounds eerily like what we went through at about 7 months (he's now 9 months). Sleep issues, crying at night, crankiness during the day, nipple biting (except it was mine, and I was practically in tears everytime my husband walked into the room, afraid my nipples might get touched). For us, it lasted 3-4 weeks, and we just had to ride it out.
The only concrete suggestion I can give is Bum Genius One Size pocket diapers. Use 2-3 inserts depending on your needs. These stopped us from having to do early-morning changes, which were killing me and meant we were all up for the day by 5 am.
Oh, and I bought a 2 lb. box of See's candy the other day. It helped. You'll get through it!
Posted by: Joceline | July 25, 2008 at 01:24 PM
OK, way easier than pie-
Sliced apples, or peaches, or berries, whatever, with a little brown sugar and cinnamon mixed in
Place in a baking dish
Combine and crumble on top:
1/2 c. brown sugar
1/2 c. flour
1/4 c. butter
Don't measure, approximate. Bake at 350 (medium oven) about 30 min, or until golden on top. Simple, but yummy. Happy Friday everyone!
Posted by: Joy | July 25, 2008 at 01:32 PM
Alisha - as others have said, hang in there, it passes. My almost-two-year-old twins are just now starting to sleep through the night. We've been there, you can do it, and ditto to what everyone else said on the books. big hugs.
@Kelly - My son's first word was "more". Often at times when we weren't doing anything like eating, drinking, etc. "More? more what???"
My current favorite pie recipe:
get two raw pie crusts in those disposable, aluminum pie plates (they are often sold in pairs) from the freezer case.
get a bag of frozen, organic, peeled, sliced peaches.
At home separate the crusts. Combine the frozen peaches (as many as you think will fit in one crust) with as much sugar as you think you want. Pour into one crust. Invert the other crust over the top, and remove the extra aluminum pie pan thingy. It looks funny, but who cares?
Put in a 400 degree oven, bake for 1.5+ hours, or until done. The top crust deflates and looks "normal".
Yum.
Posted by: Salexuel | July 25, 2008 at 01:33 PM
Alisha, let me speak to the baby's glee upon waking. I have a picture of my older son (turned 4 yesterday) at 9 months of age, the first time he pulled up to standing position, grinning from ear to ear. Lovely. Except that it was 2:35 am and we were having our nightly party. Starting at 5 months and lasting until 14 months of age, my son would wake between 2 and 2:30 am, cheerful as a clam, and want to PARty. For the next 1.5-2 hours. I tried everything you can imagine, including a very traumatic CIO (it worked, but he cried for 2.5 hours first and wouldn't go into his bedroom for days or his crib for weeks thereafter).
What changed at 14 months? I had the idea to take dairy out of both of our diets (he was waking up gassy but cheerful; nursing in the middle of the night was hyping him up more--acting like caffeine on his system). After taking us both off dairy, his sleep gradually improved (we had bad habits to deal with by that point).
So the take-home message:
1. Either this will just pass, or it won't pass for a long time.
2. If it takes a long time, you'll have opportunities to experiment with all kinds of changes--to schedule, sleep associations/routine, diet, you name it. Try to think beyond the obvious. The hoofbeats might be horses, but sometimes zebras come to town.
3. Even if you never "figure it out," he will sleep through the night. Eventually.
Posted by: mamathinks | July 25, 2008 at 01:38 PM
Delurking to commiserate... My now 11-month old just came out of a phase from 8 to 10 months where he went from sleeping through the night to waking multiple times, from eating solids like a champ to refusing to take more than a few bites, and flat-out started refusing the bottle (he's exclusively breastfed but every once in awhile it's nice to be able to leave him with grandma for more than a 3-hour stretch). I just couldn't figure out where this oppositional-defiant will of steel suddenly came from? Just when I thought things were never going to get better again, they did, so now I'm enjoying the lull until the next fussy phase. So like everyone has said already, hang in there, because this too shall pass.
But until then, a little tequila might help take away some of the sting... :)
FROZEN MARGARITA PIE
10 T. melted butter
1 1/4 c. thin salted pretzels, finely crushed
1/2 c. sugar
1 can sweetened condensed milk
3 T. lime juice (rec: freshly squeezed)
1 T. tequila
1 t. orange liqueur (such as Triple Sec)
1 drop green food coloring
2 1/2 c. heavy cream
Combine melted butter, crushed pretzels, and sugar. Press into a greased 9" pie plate.
In a large bowl, beat together condensed milk, lime juice, tequila, Triple Sec, and food coloring. In another bowl, use an electric mixer to beat whipping cream until soft peaks form. Fold into milk mixture until blended. Pour into crust and sprinkle additional pretzel crumbs/pieces on top. Freeze for 6 hours, then wrap entire pie in plastic wrap, airtight, and freeze for 2 more hours. Serve frozen.
***To omit liquor, increase lime juice to 2/3 cup.
Posted by: SS07 | July 25, 2008 at 01:42 PM
I'm feeling my stomach knot up with dread as I try to remember that time in my DD's life. We're still alive.
I second the Huggies overnights. Our girl is big enough now that we have her in Huggies GoodNights-- they have an awesome capacity. The increase in my sleep is worth the price for me.
Posted by: Nick | July 25, 2008 at 01:44 PM
@Charisse, I laughed out loud on this: "now that she's 4, this is "as long as all my questions can be answered, because otherwise they BURN my brain" - this was me. And burn was about right. My mom's only defense was a full set of encyclopedias, and sitting down with me endlessly over and over to look up why the sky was blue and why zebras have stripes but giraffes don't and why clouds look puffy and whether water could flow up hill and why the water makes a spiral going down the drain and why ... Yeah. Them. I was one of them kids.
Interestingly, I found out recently (a few months back, maybe?) that this is a form of sensory integration dysfunction - just like some kids just CANNOT stop talking and talking and talking and... (um, G, yep, that's him). Only, I'm stuck in too many other things to be able to track down what the 'de-escalating' activity is for it. ARGH. I think it was in Sensational Kids, though, if you want to look. I figure I'll have to look soon enough, as my girls are heading straight into the 4's... aaaahhhhhh!
Sigh. (and yeah, I have sensory issues, too, so my kids come by it honestly)
Posted by: hedra | July 25, 2008 at 01:54 PM
Alisha,
Can you write more? :) I was consumed with laughter and extreme empathy all at the same time. You have a knack with truly capturing the emotion in your description...I can SEE his expressions in my mind!!
It sounds to me like there are a lot of things going on. Certainly developmental/wonder weekish, teething, and awareness of your emotions/reactions all seem to be coming into play. I TOTALLY remember feeling the same thing. Ironically, it wasn't with the first child (imaging how smug I felt THEN), but when I had my second, where I thought for sure I had it down. I truly believe though that if your child has been consistently easygoing in the past, it's very likely that that is his "normal" temperament and that he will return to some semblance of it after this little storm passes. As far as advice, maybe not engage with him so much when he tugs at you like that? I think he can sense your reaction (and loves that power), so even if you have to put blinders on and ignore him until you can leave the room before you go postal on your nice comfy microsuede body pillow (I'm sorry...own experience creeping in...), that might help. Hang in there!!! A smart kid does NOT a shitty parent make.
PS--I can relate to the almost crawling thing...before mine walked, and SWORE he was "just about to get it" for FOUR months before he actually did. Any little hiccup I blamed on that. And teething. And Growing. And ear infections. And...
Posted by: Simone | July 25, 2008 at 02:48 PM
Don't have time to read the comments, but here's my favorite thing: When you are struggling through something with sleep or food or whatever, and people start offering helpful tips, "You know, you can't let her tell you when she's going to sleep (or what she's going to eat. You're in charge of doing what's right for her." WTF?
Posted by: sherry | July 25, 2008 at 02:53 PM
quick comments- yes, yes, that was us too, in fact i distinctly remembering crying to my husband about who had taken my baby and replaced her with this miserable monster and did he think it was her personality and we were doomed to have a child, that was, a gigantic *sshole? nice. i blame the teething (now) and wished i had figured that out sooner- once her ped said give her tylenol for the pain (cause who enjoys oral pain? anyone? besides folks who have websites that are NSFW? right.) we got back on track.
will get back to you with a delicious pie recipe later and read all comments from yesterday and today. it's been one of those weeks!!
Posted by: pnuts mama | July 25, 2008 at 03:15 PM
Oh, the flashbacks.
Yep, that was our kid at 7 months. And, of course, everything Moxie said - developmental spurts both mental and physical, teething (try Tylenol and Motrin - often one works much better than the other for a given kid), ability to understand but not yet to respond - OHMYGOD THEY ARE *COMMUNICATING!!!* WITH ME AND I WANT TO COMMUNICATE BACK. BUT HOW? FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY - I NEED TO SPEEEEAK!!! ...
I have suggestions only for the last issue: Signing helped a lot - even with an early talker, the hands are more advanced than the tongue. We started using the signs for "nurse," "all done," "pain," and "more" at 6 months (figured why not); he started using them several months later, one at a time. What surprised me was how, yes, it was great for him to be able to make his wishes known - wow did that "nurse" sign get used vigorously and often - but (even before he started signing back) it was just as important that he knew that *we* knew what he needed, that we got it and his needs could be met. Made the next 8 months or so far more pleasant for all involved.
Posted by: Lisa | July 25, 2008 at 04:00 PM
by the way, shred the sleep books. Seriously. Screw them - you are not going to break your kid by doing whatever helps him and you get some sleep.
Posted by: Lisa | July 25, 2008 at 04:01 PM
Of course, not Tylenol and Motrin at the same time!
But once they're past 6 months you can try the Motrin.
Posted by: Lisa | July 25, 2008 at 04:04 PM
and finally... what Charisse said. Talk to your kid, narrate what you see on walks, in books, etc. That and a fleece baby sling and a big bottle of infant Motrin are the only things that got me through the first year.
Of course, he will pay you back by chatting nonstop for several years thereafter, with lots of telling you what to say thrown in for variety. I am currently trying to remember that this is a good thing.
Posted by: Lisa | July 25, 2008 at 04:08 PM
I have no advice, but I will join in the primal scream for reasons entirerly unrelated to my child.
Posted by: Brooke | July 25, 2008 at 06:43 PM
Like many others have said here (Man, I love this site!), this was a rough time for my little guy too. He wanted to crawl SOOO badly. He would push up on his hands and knees and rock and scream. And nothing would make him feel better. This was right about the time, too, that he was realizing he could DO things, and kept wanting to try them out. Part of this was physical (crawling, pulling up, etc) and part was manipulating his environment, me, etc, just to get a reaction. It was almost like he realized, "hey! When I do something, other things happen!" and wanted to do everything NOW! It helped me to remember it was a developmental stage, not so much a rejection of my parenting skills (or utter lack thereof). Chocolate helped too, and the occasional beer or glass of wine after he was finally asleep.
And SarcastiCarrie, I love your pie recipe!
Posted by: LauraLou | July 25, 2008 at 07:04 PM
I lived in 20 minute increments for the first 10 months of tall's life, my second. I agree, believe it or not, throw the sleeping books out, notice I said nothing about websites!
I rarely tackle the sleep thing. I only share advice on sleep issues if a parent just wants sleep no matter what and is wiling to let them CIO. Then I share a non-abandonment CIO technique.
But I couldn’t do it myself as a young mother, until I was forced. This comment isn’t going where you think it is-I’m not advocating CIO.
I *had* to do that with #2 or the Dr said he would admit to the hospital for 3 days because my body was on strike from lack of sleep. My beautiful Dr. gave me 1 week to do whatever I could to get this child to sleep more than 20 minutes at a stretch.
So DH and I decided that we would do CIO for 1 night only. We did and he cried, and we cried, and taller cried…then it was quiet. The little bug found his own way to self-soothe and he slept through the night from then on. The four letter words that came out of my mouth when I peaked in and saw he was asleep! No this isn’t a comment to suggest you do that—his response wasn’t normal-there were health issues and patterning issues and so much more. I know his response wasn’t normal because the other one didn’t sleep either and that took the route all of you are describing.
As I was writing this I had an Ah, Ha Moment. I realized that the way Tall handled his learning to fall asleep turned out to be the way he handled a lot of issues in his life. Tall would cling, and cling until I said “love, this is all I can do for you, you need to manage this on your own, and he did”. When he was older I asked him about it, and he said, “why should I face something all by myself immediately if I can have you by my side for a while longer.” @*&#$%! That’s my son, and you may have guessed it- he’s been tested and he is gifted. That meant he was smarted than I was so I had to be very honest, truthful, and clear or he would see right through me, where do you think I learned all of this!
I did want to comment on one other thing. Alisha you’re a good parent, you feel like crap, but you’re a good parent, and my husband threw the books out too!
Having lived through this nightmare I can only comment on what it taught me.
Yes, at 7 months it’s a growing, teething, big developmental leap type of thing that makes this stage so awful. But it taught me patience. I can hear some of you, now who gives a sh*t about patience—I want sleep. I did too, but since I didn’t want them to have to CIO, I had lots of time to think about patience.
I began to see that the patience I was being taught from having two children who had sleep issues came in very handy as they grew.
I began begging for patience to take the place of the rage building inside of me as I was rocking my non-sleeping-breast-snacking-I’ll-scream-if-you-put-me-down-child. Out of that nightmare I found a deep reservoir of patience that I had never accessed before, I never needed to, I never went so long without a full nights sleep!
I called on that reservoir of patience many times as they grew.
I dug deep for that place inside me where the reservoir of patience lived when they pushed me past my limits instead of releasing the beast in me who can go from 0-rage in 1.2 seconds.
I began to breathe to release some of the reservoir of patience when they were learning about being kind to each other, instead of calling them selfish, ungrateful brats.
AND I begged for the entire reservoir of patience to be emptied as I waited for my teens to return home when they were past curfew.
For me, lack of sleep taught me something I would need later in my parenting life—let’s be real, I would have traded all that learning for a good night sleep!
Good Luck.
Posted by: Sharon aka Mommie Mentor | July 25, 2008 at 08:24 PM
Something to consider ... temperature and humidity, esp. during naptime in the room your child sleeps in. I have been known to be oblivious to this little variation ...
Posted by: Rachel H. | July 25, 2008 at 10:05 PM
@Brooke - I've been thinking about you guys and hoping everything is okay. How's the pregnancy going?
Posted by: caramama | July 25, 2008 at 10:46 PM
Oh, this question is so ON for me. I'm also in the approaching-8-month, working-on-so-much-development wretchedness Alisha describes. Close to crawling? Check. Teething? Check--but no teeth at all, yet. Trying to talk? Check. Feeling inadequate? Check, check, CHECK. And for some reason, I always blame my milk supply, which started out huge but now is not working the magic it once did.
Alisha, I'm just scouring for help here, too, because except for the funny, I could have written that letter. Thanks for asking this question!
The pie I'm bringing to today's bbq: store-bought whole wheat crust with 6 sliced peaches, about 3/4 cup black raspberries, sugar, flour, ginger, nutmeg, and cardamom, topped with an oat-sugar-butter streusel crumble. I am SO taking the first slice. And the assembly took less than half an hour, so I got it done during the time I send DH out with DD to my parents' to help assemble the yard sale crib they just bought. Wild!
Posted by: effective nancy | July 27, 2008 at 10:06 AM
Thanks Moxie! Thanks everybody! Although it hasn't made the kid sleep longer (it so hasn't made the kid sleep longer...) I feel less like a giant exploding head. I don't want to take up any more time here but the saga continues on my blog: www.flabbypants.blogspot.com (the one that's not nearly as good as Moxie's but hey, a girl can dream).
Viva la Moxie!
Posted by: alisha | July 27, 2008 at 05:24 PM
Oh, Alisha, your baby is GORGEOUS. Wow. (Not that it helps for the sleep misery.)
Posted by: hedra | July 28, 2008 at 07:32 AM
No time to read all the comments, but something triggered my memory in one. My N is now 13 months, but I remember the sleep regressions clearly - starting at the 4 month regression when I thankfully found Ask Moxie. Anywho, I can remember standing over her crib ready to yell at her. A 4 month old. Luckily I had my wits about me and clenched my jaw, grinded my teeth, left her crying and told my husband to get his sorry butt out of bed and try to deal with her b/c I was done. I remember feeling like I wanted to hurt her and understanding how someone can shake a baby. Very scary.
I'm happy to report that other than the fact that she wakes between 5:30 and 6:30 every morning she is a good sleeper now. She goes down between 7 and 8 pm and naps twice a day. I did CIO with her, but not until 7 1/2 or 8 months. I had to repeat after every regression or teething. She's a late teether so I expect to be doing it again and again. It works for her, but I totally agree that it doesn't work for everyone.
My only thought for you is that if he wakes predictably than maybe you can put him off for 10 minutes and then keep increasing the time you put off going in to get him. But if he only gets more riled up, don't bother - it won't work. Lots of love and hugs and good thoughts your way. You are doing a great job.
Posted by: Aaron | July 28, 2008 at 09:45 AM
I've been there, am there and it is so nice to hear that it stops. No one told me about teething, damn it. It has helped that my husband and I tag team sleep sometimes. My LO likes the dog's toys much better than his own, etc. He seemed to do a little better after the first 2 teeth were in, and we started CIO a little bit. It just kinda seemed to happen all at once with him...the crawling, the sitting, the pulling up, the eating solids, the teeth, so much so that I think he was literally going through a lot.
Posted by: Shelby | July 28, 2008 at 01:04 PM
Thanks carsmama!
Pregnancy was until Friday entirely uneventful. Off to the midwife now to get a fetal fibronectin test because I am suddenly have lots of uncomfortable contractions. I've got my fingers crossed it's just a yeast infection causing irritation combined with stress.
Posted by: Brooke | July 28, 2008 at 02:12 PM
I'm sure others mentioned it, and I know for certain it's been suggested in other threads here, but try black out curtains (or just hang heavy flannel sheets or towels over the windows). Try keeping a cd going all night. Or a white noise machine.
Get one of those night lights that have a spinning thing in them that makes a changing picture on the lamp shade. It may keep him interested and (most importantly) quiet.
If the diaper you've got him in is squishy at 0430, try a doubler. If you MUST change him then, keep the lights down low and only talk quietly to him. See if you can keep a cloth diaper over him so he doesn't feel a wakeful breeze on his bottom. Warm up the wipe in your hands before you use it, or use a warm wet washcloth.
Posted by: liz | July 28, 2008 at 11:54 PM
Everyone else gives great advice so I'll focus on one thing.
You sound really pissed off at your kid, like in a personal angry way. You use a lot of humor to pad it but I still hear it.
I get this way sometimes in the middle of the night. Why can the little shit just sleep? See, that's the not so funny spin on things. When I feel myself getting that angry I have to stop and remind myself she is a baby and her goal is to master this world.
It's not about me. It's not personal. She doesn't have it in for me (though I would certainly be *happier* if I could sleep more.
Maybe you aren't angry under your humor, but as someone with, yes, anger issues, your tone rang a bell.
I hope you can take this as positive advice, because that's the spirit I'm giving it in!
Posted by: CJ | July 29, 2008 at 12:15 AM
Hi Alisha,
Thanks for so clearly verbalizing what so many of us have experienced. When my baby hit 7 months old, I said that she hit baby adolescence. She was no longer the mellow little baby I thought I had. Never did I think that becoming a mother might mean that my self esteem would be tied to how well my baby ate and slept. But, in the long run, she has turned out to be a lot of fun and I am enjoying her spunk. I agree that books are pretty much worthless - there would not be so many out there if it was that simple.
Posted by: Kim | July 29, 2008 at 12:03 PM
I could have written this post...or well, without the humor and wit! Kiddo is doing the *same* thing. He will be 7 months on Thursday. In the past month he has: learned to crawl, learned to sit, learned to pull up in his crib, and cut 4 teeth (actually, he cut 4 teeth in 3 weeks). Bye bye sleep fairies, hello demon child. I do think separation anxiety is kicking in early. No matter how tired he is, as soon as he hits his crib he gets that grin you so eloquently described, and then it is over to bars, pull up, and talk/yell/scream/cry/demand attention. Of course, as soon as he sees US he calms down immediately. And now he wakes up 3X/night, again...
Thanks for the post. And to all who suggested getting books on parenting the gifted child...never really thought of Kiddo like that, but seems like he might fall into that category.
In the meantime, there is lots of icecream in my future
Posted by: K8+J | July 29, 2008 at 12:42 PM
@KB+J, a lot of books do not mention this, but there's a good strong whiff of 'separation anxiety' in EVERY fussy stage. Clingy, want mommy, do not want to be apart from mommy, all that - normal for EACH of the fussy periods. It's cognitively involved in a different way at 9 months, but the behaviors that we think of as 'does not wish to be apart' show up at the 5/6 week one, and every blessed one after that.
My dad says that he still has 'fussy stages' and he's in his 70's, and he knows because (after we talked about the concept), there are spans in his life that for no apparent reason he just wants to climb into his mom's lap and not let go. (Which is a funny image as she was 4'10" and he's 6'2"...). It's strangely reassuring, though, to know that the need to be 'with' and 'together' and 'comforted' and to feel less able and not at all 'grown up' is a cyclic pattern forever (I know I saw it with my little brother as a teen).
Posted by: hedra | July 30, 2008 at 09:40 AM
Sorry to be late commenting, I go out of town for three days....
I seriously had to double check to see if I wrote this email. This is EXACTLY what is going on with my 7-month old (who was also two weeks late, coincidentally). Sympathy. My kid slept like a prince from 7 weeks on, and now it's CageMatch every night. And just when you think he's dropped off, the sobbing begins. I miss sleep.
Posted by: Coley | July 30, 2008 at 12:28 PM
Ohhhhhhh. I will try the t-shirt thing, but I have little faith. That's what a sidecar/co-sleeping just-turned-seven-month-old that wakes NINE times a night will do. Am trying to hold on to humour, but often have to poke it to see if it's still there. OK, so she only wakes for ten minutes, but HAS to be boobed back to sleep...or ELSE! The Pantley pull out - am not sure if it's working or, due to me having lots of milk, whether she's just satisfied and thinks "Oh - you've pulled the nipple out of my mouth. Thank you for saving me some time. Now let me sleep...for another hour and a half - if you're LUCKY." Sigh.
My partner and I have always addressed each other as 'Pie', but at the moment we're barely addressing each other at all, and are instead doing long gazes out the window as we both individually plot the other's demise. This is hard. I know it will pass, but I wish it would hurry.
Posted by: beth | August 12, 2008 at 08:10 PM
I know I'm about 3 years late commenting on this, but I recently discovered this site and it has really helped me feel less guilty about having a 7 month old who doesn't sleep well. We had about a week of 8-hour stretches shortly before he was 4 months old....and now I consider a 5-6 hour stretch a good night. On the days I'm home, I can usually get him to eat enough to only wake up once to eat, but on the 4 days a week I work, he hardly touches his bottles at the babysitter's and he is up all night eating. However, he naps really well for her - 1-1.5 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon - in a pack n play, yet he acts like we're torturing him if he has to spend more than an hour at a time in his crib or pack n play at home sleeping. The only way we have gotten any sleep the past few weeks is co-sleeping, but he sleeps a lot better than we do that way so I want to transition away from that as soon as possible. But when I have to get up at 6 the next morning, putting him in our bed is the easier option most nights....sigh. My husband doesn't seem to mind the co-sleeping (he actually initiated it when our son was congested a few weeks ago), but he also works from home and can sneak in a nap during the day if he feels like it.
Looking forward to catching up on more of these posts from the past. They really do make me feel better even if I'm still not getting much sleep :)
Posted by: Kasey | April 12, 2011 at 11:58 AM
They should be coated with a little extra goop around them, so they don't look like just berries, but kind of like berry stew, if that makes sense.
Posted by: crowdSPRING | July 13, 2011 at 08:27 AM
I know that my dad said some mean stuff to me as a kid stung and I thought I would never forget- but I honestly don't remember what they were!
Posted by: Jagadguru Kripalu Parishat | November 17, 2011 at 05:53 AM
i stay up a bit late and always change my girls before bed. if its maybe 3 hours after they've gone to bed then they have full diapers. try "pampers overnights". go up one size. also i noticed when i switch milk thats when they wake. if you can stay with whole milk then it keeps my kids satisfied. and sleeping in.
Posted by: Ren | December 31, 2012 at 08:15 PM