Q&A: Dinner time--How's it getting done?

Katie writes:

"I'd love to hear from some of your readers on how they get dinner time done.  It seems life was more organized in the past, but after a job change for one and increased responsibilities for others, it's not unusual to get home until 6:30.  So, by the time dinner gets made, we're often not done eating until around 7:30ish and it used to be we were close to an 8:00 bedtime but with summer it's more like 8:30, but the evening feels rushed.  I know that left to our own devices we wouldn't eat dinner right before bedtime, so it seems a little wrong to do it to our son.  So, probably the answer is to look at our schedules and get someone's jiggled around to getting home a little earlier (even 6 routinely).  I'm also concerned that having bedtime slip towards 8:30 just seems to late on a routine basis for a 2 1/2 year old (gets up around 6:30 or 7:00).  He's getting a little inconsistent on the napping."

Before we start talking about this, let's remember that some of this bedtime stuff is cultural. In some parts of the US, people work 8-5 so it's realistic to have kids in bed at 7:30 or 8. In NYC and other areas no one's at work before 9 and no one's home before 6:30 or 7, so parents would never get to see their children if they went to bed early. (Remember that book that came out a few years ago advocating that all kids have 7 pm bedtimes? Ha.) My Egyptian coworker finds it hilarious that I put my kids to bed so "early" (between 8:30 and 9 in the summer) because in Egypt everyone stays up until midnight and they sleep in later in the morning.

So it seems like it makes the most sense to look at your family situation and your kid's sleep sweet spot and use that instead of some external measure of when your kid should goes to bed, because, as usual, one size does not fit all.

But, on to meal prep. I think you're going to have to shift the emphasis off of starting from scratch when you get home from work. That leaves you with tons of options, though. Many of them are going to involve doing prep either the night before or a few days ahead. For instance, you could chop all the vegetables and protein the night before and leave them in containers in the fridge, then as soon as you get home start the rice and toss everything in to stir-fry. You'll be ready to go in 20 minutes. Or you could start using a slow cooker so you can slap everything together in the morning and it'll be ready when you get home. A countertop grill also cooks really quickly, so you could prep everything the night before and grill it up in 10 minutes when you get home. Or you could cook big batches of things on the weekend and reheat them for dinners throughout the week.

I really think the key is planning the week's meals in advance. And figure out who does what prep when as part of that plan. Because once the prep is done, the execution doesn't take very long (especially if you have helper appliances like slow cookers, rice cookers, countertop grills, etc.).

Readers, what are your favorite do-ahead or time-saving meal ideas?

Comments

[Nicol Watanabe]

I must be living in Egypt then, cause that is how we do things here! Granted, I'm a SAHM, but it works for us.

[Shannon]

Well, I think the solution is obvious here. Move to Egypt.

My absolute favorite slow-cooker recipe is one I got from a Weight Watchers meeting. You take 3 lbs. of chicken, and pour a big container of salsa (the meeting leader described it as "the biggest one in the grocery store, but not the big one from Sam's Club or Costco"). Cook on low all day. (I enjoy the sort of ambiguity of "all day" with the slow-cooker, because I hate it when slow-cooker recipes call for something like 6 hours when I'm gone for 10 hours.) About an hour before serving, drain one can each of corn and black beans and pour in. It makes a huge batch of flavorful, tender chicken, and if you're like me you can sort of argue that you have your vegetable (corn), and your side dish (beans) all built in. Or if you're going for cook of the year you could probably add something like a salad or bread. Anyway, my toddler (16 months) loves this recipe, and the upshot is that you have a lot of leftovers (assuming you're not a family of 6) that you can add to salads or tacos later in the week.

I love this post!

[Sherry]

It seems that Katie is making dinner as fast as she possibly can. To get home at 6:30 and be finished eating by 7:30 is really fast! I have some quick meals -- in fact, we rarely eat anything that takes more than 20 minutes to cook (pork chops, salmon, hamburgers, vegetables, pasta, bread, etc.), but we don't eat with our daughter, who is 14 months old and goes to bed at 9 usually. So we often eat at 9:30 or 10, which is really, really late. So I know this has to change. Either my work hours will have to change someday, or we'll have to start exercising (walking, usually) after dinner instead of before.

[rudyinparis]

Katie, we do the staggered schedule thing and it works well for us--I work super early so that I can get out earlier, DH (self-employed) does the daycare drop-off later in the morning. He usually gets home right as we sit down to eat at about 6:00. So I do recommend that, if you are able to move your work schedules around at all.

As for the later bedtime, we're dealing with this with our kids, particularly Younger, who is also about 2 1/2. I'm just kind of resigned to it at this point, for the summer.

Your question is a timely one for me, a good reminder for me to... how does the Serenity prayer go?... accept what I can't change. Maybe your current situation is the best it's going to be for you now, logistically. I actually was freaking out about this kind of thing, just last night--to the point of tears. I will spare you the boring details of my logistical issues! I can get kind of frenzied, internally, about this kind of thing. So I need to practice letting go.

@Shannon, I love that recipe! I am totally going to do that. Thanks for sharing!

[Slim]

Does dinner have to look like dinner? I'm thinking about the "toddlers who don't want to eat when it's hot" post earlier, and on days when I'm flying solo and, as a result, getting home later, I often ask the kids what they want to eat. I used to insist on making a Proper Dinner (my mom was a home ec major in the 50s, so imagine what I'm laboring under here) while my kids whined that they wanted fruit and yogurt. Eventually I stopped and listened -- you want something light and quick and -- to me -- breakfasty? As long as there's a little protein and a little produce, we're good.

If you really need something that looks like dinner, try things that reheat well (you may want to adjust "well" downwards to meet your child's standards -- my kids are perfectly happy to eat reheated pasta). The Chubby Hubby blog has a recipe for Vietnamese caramel pork ribs that is delicious right away, out of a slow cooker, or reheated while you make some rice noodles and wash some fruit.

[ACJ]

My new favourite quote I made up for myself is "it's not a problem if you hate the solution more". So if you hate the idea of moving your work hours and prepping 5 dinners on Sunday afternoon more than you hate a later bedtime for your kid, then technically (according to me at least), you don't have a problem.

That said, if you just want some faster dinner ideas let me add Chicken Caesar salad to the mix (using chicken either grilled at home or yummier still, a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store); black beans simmered with a bit of salsa, served in tortillas with left-over or premade rice and cheese; ice cream. Yes, we've ice cream for dinner - made the 10 year old who lived with us at the time the most popular kid on the block and was pretty filling too, what with all that fat...

[Julie]

You don't mention whether you are picking your child up from daycare, or if your child is at home with a babysitter. If it's home with a babysitter, you might want to consider having the babysitter feed your child before you get home so that you can at least take that off your plate of things to do before bedtime....and you and your husband can eat after child goes to bed. Family dinners could be saved for weekends until things either calm down at work, or child gets a little bit older and stays up later.

I think for us, an early bedtime (which seems to be the gatekeeper for decent wake-up times and decent naps) trumps family dinner.

If you're picking up from daycare, I'd consider what Slim said above about just doing snacky things for dinner and keeping breakfast and lunch as the major meals of the day. You and your husband (again) can eat after your child goes to sleep. And weekends can be the big family dinners with real food.

Good luck....we think about a lot of things about life with a 2 1/2 year old/preschooler (temper tantrums, sharing, sleeping).......but this whole not-eating-even-when-hungry/timing-of-mealtimes pretty much blindsided us.

[Jen]

We do nursery suppers pretty often, which is the kids eating on their own earlier on in the evening, and the adults eating later. This way the kids aren't waiting on us, and getting hungry and cranky. This doesn't help if everyone is getting home at 6pm, though.

[Shannon]

I love what people are saying about adjusting your standards for what dinner should "look" like. Last night I fed my 16-month-old yogurt, cheese, grapes, and Goldfish crackers. I just snacked around after work and then wasn't hungry for dinner. Husband foraged for himself.

[caro]

I've been using a cookbook called "The Six O'Clock Scramble," which is the most genuinely quick and tasty collection of recipes I've ever used. Lots of options for separating out x y or z before adding the sauce (or whatever) for picky eaters, as well. Sometimes it's only 15 minutes from stepping into the kitchen to sitting down to eat. They also offer some sort of email based meal planning service, which I don't quite see the need for myself, but the cookbook is definitley worth a look.

[theclevermom]

I work from home so I have a lot more time to prep and cook meals, but I also have a 1 year old and a 4 year old, so sometimes I realise that my husband will be home in 15 mins and I haven't even thought of what we will be eating.

So, I developed a couple of strategies, some that are discussed in the post:

Plan Ahead:
When you are prepping to do groceries, write out each and every meal you will be preparing for the next week-two weeks-month (depending on your shopping schedule). On the other side of the paper, write out all the ingredients you will need to buy, plus your other required groceries (toilet paper, tea bags, diapers...), in the order in which you move through the grocery store. When you get home, pre-chop your veggies and put them away in the manner that will promote long freshness (indiv. baggies/tupperware, jars with water...). Finally, prepare a good copy of your meal list (sorted by mealtime, if you prepare both lunches and suppers) and post it on the fridge for you and your family. Now, when you need to pick the meal for the day (the next day) you can ask for input and everyone knows what meals are available or you will be able to glance at the list and quickly pick something you know you have all the ingredients for. Bonus points for this method because you can let kids choose meals (giving sense of ownership over meals, increased oppourtunities to exercise decision making power within the power) and then strike off the item when it is made.

Prep Ahead:
As I said in the first item: prep your foods ahead of time as much as you can. I always take a large block of cheese and grate it in my food processor, keep it in a baggie in the deli drawer and on nights we have quesadillas or burritos, etc. I just have to pull a hand full of already grated cheese for filling. Chop veggies, pre-portion meats/veggie ground round/veggies so that everything is a matter of grabbing the appropriate handful/baggie/container and dumping it into the pot/casserole dish/crockpot/pan, etc.

Make Quick Meals:
We have a stable of really fast meals we make regularly:

Quesadilla's with rice (A TBSP of black beans and cheese make up the quesadilla filling, make up your favourite boxed rice - we like Goya yellow rice or Carribean rice and peas) while you make some guacamole, and pair all with salsa and sour cream for dipping: fridge to table in 25 mins.

Burritos: what ever is left over from the quesadillas plus some corn or chopped veggies, or whatever you have on hand, a TBSP or two of everything on a tortilla, roll it all up and microwave for 2min each: fridge to table in about 15 min

Perogies w/ veggies and bean salad: I make an ultra simple bean salad at the beginning of the week and serve it on the side of anything protein poor (1 tin of mixed beans, 1 tin of black beans, 1 tin of red beans - or whatever you have on hand/strikes your fancy, all rinsed - some chopped celery, peppers, green onion, half a cup or so of any herb or Italian style salad dressing, 1 TBSP of sugar and let sit for a few hours or overnight), for the perogies we buy a club sized bag and then have 4-6 per person or so, first in boiling water till they float and then into a pan with a bit of butter or margarine to crisp up the outside a bit. Chop some broccoli and microwave for 3 mins or dump some frozen veggies into a bowl to be microwaved.

[Suki]

I'm chiming in to say that I'm another one that feeds our 18 month old an easy dinner (often yogurt, fruit, toast - more "breakfasty") and then eat with my husband after he is in bed. On weekends we make a point of family brunch and family dinner, but it's just too much to orchestrate on weekdays and his bedtime definitely trumps family dinner time, for us anyway (he's a kid who deteriorates quickly if not on a good sleep schedule). Or, whatever my husband and I eat for dinner, I put aside a portion and re-heat it for my son's dinner the following night. Then it's about 2 minutes prep time for his dinner, very easy...

[Jan]

Here's how dinner works at our house (at least theoretically!):

Once a week I sit down and plan the meals for the next week. I look at the calendar and figure out who needs to be where and when and plan accordingly. (For example, the Hubby doesn't like breakfast-for-dinner, so sometimes we have that if he's not going to be home at dinnertime. And I'm not a fan of shellfish and the Hubby loves it, so ditto for nights I'm not home.) Our schedule is varied, so that affects meal planning. I'm off on Fridays, the Hubby's off on Mondays, and I work at home on Wednesdays, it's really just Tuesday/Thursday that we have the time crunch.

I'm not sure how I would handle it if it were 5 nights a week, but we plan quick meals for those nights, usually a slow-cooker meal for Wednesday (when I'm home and can mess with it a bit if I need to). So we'll do leftovers, either re-heats or new meals made from leftovers (french dip sandwiches from an earlier flank steak, for example). Or sometimes I'll do prep in the morning while the kids eat breakfast.

I also do some cooking ahead, freezing casseroles and stuff and then use my oven timer to cook them just-in-time (this works great for baked potatoes, too).

On a day-to-day basis, the Hubby is responsible for getting dinner on the table. Often on Fridays when he's working and I'm home, I'll do it.

Moxie's right, though. Whatever your situation, the key is pre-planning. It takes some practice to get good at it, but I can't imagine going back to the old "what's for dinner" and 4 p.m. way of doing things. It saves money at the grocery store, too!

The other thing we do is have on hand a handful of very quick meals the kids can eat for the inevitable times that things fall apart, schedule-wise. My kids like polenta, which can be cooked in the microwave in just a couple of minutes, we buy TVP chicken nuggets (Morningstar Chik'n) and keep them in the freezer, along with a small variety of frozen veggies which, again, can be nuked. I can have milk, polenta, ham, baby carrots, cucumber and ranch dressing for dipping on the table in less than 5 minutes. Then the Hubby makes our dinner while I put the kids to bed and we eat after that (we aim for 8).

Quickie-for-kids foods that work at my house:

baby carrots
corn on the cob (microwave 2-3 minutes per ear)
frozen peas, broccoli, mixed veggies
raw spinach
sliced cucumber
polenta
pasta (takes a little longer)
ham
chik'n nuggets
cottage cheese
hummus w/pita

My kids love V-8 juice (we buy low sodium), too, which is about as quick as it gets!

You get the idea.

[Cloud]

We have always had shifted schedules- I go to work a little earlier, Hubby comes home a little later. Recently we moved Pumpkin's dinner time from 6ish (right when Hubby gets home) to 6:30. Pumpkin is now 15 months, we did this at about 13 months I think. We wanted to start having family dinners to see if that would help her try more foods. Around the same time, we accepted that she now goes to sleep at 8:30- it had been between 7:30 and 8. We just moved her bedtime routing back and now start the bath, etc at about 7:30.

Anyway, we plan all of our meals on Sunday and write them down on a list that goes on the fridge. Hubby and I both cook once or twice, and for other meals we have leftovers. We usually do one "convenience meal" per week. This is usually a frozen skillet dinner, something from Trader Joe's, or pizza. Around the time we moved to 6:30 dinners, I wrote up a list of recipes that might work for Pumpkin and that are pretty fast to make. Most of our recipes come from Cooking Light, which has 20 minute recipes in every issue. We also have a couple of Cooking Light cookbooks.

Since Pumpkin still won't eat much of our table food, we also have bread with every meal. We make a breadmaker loaf once per week and keep it in the fridge. We toast a slice for each meal.

I think our system is working well from a "getting dinner on the table with minimal stress" standpoint, but I can't say that we've had much luck with encouraging new foods for Pumpkin. Honestly, she is more likely to eat a new food if I send it to day care. So I have started doing that, too. I figure as long as she eats one decent meal per day, we're doing OK. If that is lunch at day care, so be it.

[Today Wendy]

We eat this at least twice a week:
http://www.101cookbooks.com/archives/five-minute-tomato-sauce-recipe.html
It actually only takes 5 minutes to make the sauce (but without the lemon zest, because seriously? When do I have fresh lemons in the house?), and we usually have salad in the fridge. (Where's the protein you say? Ok fine, we'll have ice cream for dessert. Or throw some cheese on top of the pasta).

[obabe]

if were going to have a "real" dinner (not takeout, not scrambled eggs + pancakes), i make almost everything for dinner the night before. typically cooked too, though if i got started too late ill prep the dish and have my nanny throw it in the oven about an hour before we get home.

hubby and i typically walk in the door around 5:15ish (lucky, i know, but THIS WEEK, one week after we MOVED, hes been gone all week, and im 32 weeks pregnant....) and in the summer we dont eat till around 6. with camp ending at 3, theres always a snack around 4..etc, etc. but i cant manage two kids + making dinner from scratch when we just all want to be outside or whatever.

typical meals: meatballs + spaghetti (noodles ill make right before dinner) chicken with rice/pots/couscous. homemade pizza and salad (make the crust the night before, add sauce and cheese and veggies night of, tacos, veggie stuffed peppers and pasta, lasagna, etc etc etc.

im pretty hell bent on eating together as a family as much as possible, whatever we may be eating.

[Elle]

The whole daily schedule is such a mix of factors isn't it -- where we live, where the daycare is, how long our commute is, job responsibilities. It's hard. The other day on the streetcar a couple of young women were lamenting how hard their work schedules were -- they are starting university this September and are doing work placements this summer. They were complaining about how tired they were, working 8-4 "soooo tired, I'm just not getting enough sleep". I had to laugh, I'd been up 6 times a night with a teething one year old, get up and get the kids washed up, dressed, breakfast, go to work, take the streetcar home, pick the kids up from the neighborhood daycare, make them dinner & clean up, put in some laundry, walk to the library to pick up some books and movies for the three year old (then stopped for ice cream, which was fun), water the garden, and do the bath and bed routine. With my husband helping but still. I was thinking how *lucky* I was to be finished at 4:30 so I could do all this stuff in the evening, and there these girls were, probably going home to a home cleaned by mom and a dinner cooked by same, "exhausted" from their workday, with "no time" for anything else. It cracked me up, I suppose I was just like that when I was 18.

Anyway back to the question. What I usually try to do is alternate meals that can be prepared and just be popped into the oven when I get home - like moussaka, something braised/stewed, a baked pasta dish, jambalaya, a quiche, a chicken pie etc. with meals that I make from scratch in 20-30 minutes. Examples of those are stir fry, meats and veggies on the grill which we do a lot of in summer, meats that I have marinating in large zip lock bags, fish or seafood - which takes hardly any time, pasta and fresh sauces, scallopini. I use a lot of bagged salad and steam veggies in the microwave.

So typically Monday we'd have something I made on Sunday and then once again during the week on a light cooking night I'd take some time and prepare a second meal to reheat on another night during the week.

The keys for me are that I like to cook, my kids eat most things, and I plan religiously -- I figure out what I'm going to make on which night, make a grocery list so I'm sure to have everything, and shop once per week, typically on Friday night. I do this because I like to eat fresh homemade food, but also because I made a resolution a couple of years ago to eat healthy and at home to save money and lose a few pounds. My system's working really well, since we only do takeout 2x month and I've lost over 20lbs in the past couple of years despite having a second kid.

[Archivist Alison]

@ACJ: "It's not a problem if you hate the solution more." Genius! Pure Genius! Can I steal that for my work?

At my house, I make two dishes on the weekends that will have leftovers (casseroles, salads or the like). So, there's two weekday meals done (usually Monday and Wednesday).

Then, I prepare one, quick meal fresh (usually on Tuesday) and then we order in for one meal (Cook's night off!). I don't work Fridays, so that's shopping day and I have time to cook.

[JB]

I've learned about myself that I like to cook, but if it takes more than 30 minutes to make dinner, I just won't make it and we'll eat out. So I have a collection of 30-minute cookbooks (the Best Recipe one is my favorite; I use it almost every day.) I also have a collection of nearly-instant meals, like quesadillas, loaded baked potatoes, scrambled eggs with goat cheese, omelets, nachos (do you see a cheese theme here, because I do), that can fill in if I'm too tired to cook what I had originally planned. It's a good idea to have a Plan B meal. Plan C, if I'm even too tired to make scrambled eggs, is "let's have snack food for dinner." It doesn't make me feel like the Best Mom Ever, but if everyone eats, and we eat together, and we didn't spend time and $30+ on a meal out, it's an onion-dip-flavored achievement.

[Thy]

What we had to realise was that the sit-down-as-a-family-dinner just did not work out for us for a few months during week nights. Our toddler was too tired and too hungry to eat when we all had time to sit down together. We scrapped the ambition for maybe three months and served our son a toddler friendly meal and put him to bed before we ate ourselves. Cut down on the tantrums and taught us a lesson in flexibility.

[Lori]

For some very good crockpot recipes check out A Year of CrockPotting: http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/. The blogger made a New Year's Resolution to make at least one meal a day in her crockpot for a year. I love coming home to a dinner that's already cooked.

I also agree that as Americans, we have an idea of what dinner should be: hot, balanced, etc. I live in Germany and for dinner people mostly eat light sandwiches, salads, etc.

[Elle]

I wanted to add that the kids and I get home shortly after 5, but their dad only gets home sometime after 6, so we usually aim to eat at 6:30. Family dinner is really important to us, but I realize to others it is less so. The one year old usually goes to bed at 8:30 and the 3 year old at 9/9:30 (they nap at daycare).

[Shandra]

We have staggered schedules because my son's "sweet spot" is around 7:15 (falls asleep at 7:45). But here are my dinner tips:

1. Downgrade expectations. My son gets a really good lunch at his daycare, so that contributes to this. But for me a meal is about good healthy food eaten together. It does not mean that the food has to be complex to prepare (although we invest in quality ingredients).

All of which is leading to: for us a dinner is perfectly legitimate if it is soup, a sandwich, and a salad or veggie platter. Not every night, but maybe 1-2 times a week. I am kind of an evangelist about this. If my child eats a half of an hummus and roasted red pepper sandwich on quality whole-grain bread, a bowl of minestrone, and raw broccoli, how is this less legitimate than pasta and vegetables? So I make the soup in advance, and thaw it midweek, or use the crockpot for it.

2. Plan in advance – I plan Sat am in consultation with the sales flyers. No wasted time planning during the week.

3. Weekend prep and even cooking. I wash and cut vegetables, make soup, make salads (like black bean and corn salad or pasta salad, not lettuce salad), etc. I also will often make two casseroles at the same time in the oven. (Usually the second is vegetarian, just for my peace of mind leaving it in the fridge 'til Tuesday.) I am shameless in using the microwave to heat our individual portions up.

4. Two-stage meals. So for example last week one night we had sautéed chicken breasts with rice and ratatouille (the ratatouille had been made in advance). The next night we had chicken Caesar salads (deconstructed for my toddler as cold chicken with salad next to it) and carrot soup. The first night took a bit of cooking; the second was super fast.

5. Crockpots help a lot, but you need to build a stable of recipes your family actually likes. (Cry from my husband: everything tastes like... Crockpot.) I find only dishes intended to be cooked for a long time (some soups) and with strong flavours work well for us. Other people find the secret weapon is in using commercial sauces.

6. Reiterating the veggie platter here. We've gotten into the habit of having a veggie platter on the table at almost all meals. My husband and I have noticed that our consumption of vegetables has gone up. And because we can do the washing and cutting in advance it just ensures we always have this easy course. It reminds me of how my grandparents always had bread and butter on the table.

7. This week's plan as an example is:

Sat night: fresh farmer's sausage, on buns, with zucchini and onions, and a lentil salad

Sunday aft – make the two following casseroles – Sun night: baked macaroni and cheese, lemon-pepper sautéed cauliflower and broccoli

Monday night: cassoulet (used leftover sausage from Sat; it's a bean-veggie-sausge thing), baked at the same time as the macaroni, with fresh bread and the veggie platter

Tuesday night: Moroccan chickpeas (cooked 'em Mon night, but I didn't have to, they're pretty quick if you use canned) over orzo with green herbs and spinach (takes 20 min start-finish), veggie platter

Wednesday night: leftover orzo, baked fish fillets, and peas and carrots

Thursday night: minestrone (crockpot, but we have canned as a backup), cheese toast, greek village salad

Friday night: leftovers, or if there aren't good pickings, we usually have pasta e faglioli with pesto and the veggie platter.

[Parisienne Mais Presque]

Bedtime and mealtimes are definitely, definitely cultural.

Here in France, kids are in bed around eight-thirty. Of course, the problem is that French dinner time is eight, so you either have to shift it earlier and eat with your kid or shift it later and eat after they're in bed. And I still haven't figured out how the heck you can take your kid out anywhere for dinner, but anyway...

Since le Petit is only eleven months old and the overlap between what he eats and what we eat is limited (though he's a good eater -- he'll basically gobble up any vegetable I can steam to a gummable consistency), we've so far found it easier to just feed him first and eat by ourselves later.

Which means we're eating at, like, nine or ten o'clock most nights. And then I feel I have around five minutes to myself between doing the dishes and going to bed. We're trying to decide if it is worth trying to move things around in order to eat at the same time as le Petit, but Paris is like NYC and it is virtually impossible to get home before six-thirty or seven.

Our quick meal solution of choice is salad. We buy lettuce varieties that holds up well in the fridge and add fresh mozzarella, cherry tomatoes, jarred peppers, avocado, and the like. Or, if we've doing a "salade landaise à la française," duck gizzards, smoked duck breast, shallots and pine nuts (sounds strange, but tastes wonderful!). Interesting salads can also be made with lentils, rice, or wheat berries instead of greens.

My husband is salad master. The trick is his dressing: olive oil, sherry vinegar and a tiny pinch of salt, and voila, almost any salad gets my approval.

In winter we do soups. I either look for veggies like potatoes and parsnips that can be cooked soft and mixed with a hand mixer, or I throw canned beans, tomatoes, spinach, onion, and chunks of sausage into chicken broth for a sort of lazy mom's minestrone.

My husband is morally opposed to making lists and planning meals in advance, so our strategy is to keep a lot of basics on hand and when in doubt, just buy seasonal vegetables and improvise.

But I haven't found much that takes less than a half an hour total to prepare, alas.

[hedra]

Various solutions here:

1) Offset schedules, but we still end up home at 6 most school nights.

2) Many 'broiler' meals - chicken breast, london broil, etc. Fast cooking, simple structure (and besides, the kids prefer their foods separate unless THEY mix them up, so anything fun with sauces is OUT).

3) Many slow-cooker meals.

4) Make for leftovers. Seriously. We do 'tilt the refridgerator into the nuker' regularly.

5) Simple veggies - sliced cucumbers, salad, carrot sticks, and frozen veggies - granted, my kids generally can't eat all the FUN veggies, so... easy.

6) We do family dinners as much as possible. When we have a stage with a really early mealtime need (at one point G had to eat by 4:30 or 5, and we were walking in the door AT 5, at the earliest), I'd do the 'big food' instantly - cold if need be. Just shovel it in as fast as possible. If he crashed, then we'd eat without him. Otherwise, we'd invite him to nibble and chat with us while we ate, later.

7) Considered the make-ahead/freeze dinners, but they all have no-no ingredients (sigh, and there are FOUR places like Dream Dinners near us! FOUR, and not one has more than a single dish we could use... ugh).

Dinner is usually pretty simple, here, just because we MUST cook from scratch due to so many ingredients being off-limits (like, oh, ONIONS. Poopies.). But we do pretty well on meat or fish, rice, rice noodles (cook faster than wheat pasta, too), and veggies. Favorite slow-cooker cookbook is "Not Your Mother's Slowcooker Cookbook", which has ethnic slowcooker stuff, and other yummy things. We do a lot of: meatloaf, pot roast, whole chicken, meatballs, in cycle in that, and then in the broiler, we do london broil, hamburgers, chicken breast/thighs, lamb, salmon. Add in the odd Chinese takeout, some shrimp now and then, and the odd 'breakfast for dinner' (omelettes, pancakes, cold cereal, etc.), and mix up the spices and seasonings (mainly right now they do their own), and then add in the odd 'I just want cold hotdogs', and we're set.

Not quite the range I'd do without the dietary issues, but all pretty quick. I do very simple prep ahead (marinades, crockpot setup) most of the time. No big effort required. Even 'chopping' is generally avoided - the kids like to cut up their food at the table. :shrug: It takes a little longer to set up each plate, but, they like the participation aspect.

Does this mean we get to bed on time all the time? Nope. Because we have the tendency to see the evening as a 'slush fund' of time (credit Po Bronson for that term's use), from which we borrow for whatever... and whoops, there goes the evening!

Oh, and in China (especially in the south, where it gets rather warm and muggy), we saw plenty of kids hanging out with their families at 11:30 PM, playing and clearly not tired. And that was still outdoors (in good weather, anyway), so I presume it went later when they got back inside, too. Going to bed early makes sense if you need to huddle for body heat... Going to bed WAY late makes sense if the best bet for comfort is outside where you might MAYBE catch a breeze at 11 PM. I can't sleep when it's hot, anyway.

[Lucy]

Like Thy, we're going through a no-family dinner stage. It's just too difficult to round up our bouncing-off-the-walls, grouchy 2.5 year old, who has figured out that throwing food absolutely hits my buttons. Though I am feeling rather guilty about the decision, I have decided that in the long term it'll cultivate a healthier attitude about food just to let it go, and let him graze over the course of the evening, rather than locking horns over making him sit-down etc. The bonus is my husband and I sitting down to a quiet dinner together, which we both enjoy. The other bonus is it leaves us the energy to focus on another battle: bed-time! But that's a whole other question ...

[suzanna]

Great topic! Here's how it works with our 15 mo twins:

We plan the whole week ahead on Friday, and do one major shopping trip on the weekend, another on Tuesday. One of us is home at 4pm each day. We manage this because a) I am working only 75% right now, b) we live 3 minutes by bike from work and c) one of us will go in early each day. I have to say, b is the best thing ever. Not having a commute is just bliss. Anyway, we also eat foods that take at most 30 minutes to prep. Whoever comes home at 4 will do some minimal food prep, then when we are both home at 5 one of us will play with the boys while the other quickly finishes making dinner. We always eat by 6, earlier if they seem ravenous and it's possible, which is ridiculously early by our old standards, but seems necessary with the boys. They are in bed by 7-7:30. Oh, and Fridays is always take-out or sometimes we go eat pizza or Mexican with the boys.

[emily]

My favorite back-up solution is fried rice. I make large batches of brown rice or wild rice in advance, let it sit in the fridge for a day or two (not necessary, though) and mix in any combination of vegetables in my fridge or freezer:

One favorite is brown rice, mixed with edamame (soybeans), frozen corn, diced red peppers -- cooked hot with some sesame oil, a bit of low-sodium soy, oyster sauce, or whatever asian-inspired sauces you might have around.

Another favorite is brown rice, mixed with sauteed shallots/garlic, fried with some pesto, olive oil, and diced red peppers/zucchini/mushrooms or whatever other vegetables I have around. Add some fresh or frozen basil at the end.

Pretty easy, also, to transition the latter into a risotto -- not exactly textbook style, but a favorite. Add some milk, parmesan (or 4 cheese blend), simmer a bit.

Both of these pack up well for lunches the next day or dinner the next night -- they can be eaten cold or hot.

[jessica]

Financial people in NYC definitely get in early- 7:30, 8am. Personally I think that's insane.

I get in after 9 myself, and am home around 6. (Yay for one train straight home!)

My confession about dinner is this:

I probably eat dinner about three times a week. My toddler eats so much at the sitter's that she usually isn't very hungry when I get home.

Since I don't buy pre-made meals I do cook everything but normally I stick to things that are really easy and fast.

But sometimes I don't get a chance to start dinner until 9pm and by then I'm too tired so I skip the whole thing because I'll take sleep over food any day.

[heather]

Several things that have worked well in my household...

1. crockpot! Handiest kitchen gadget ever and extra-useful now that my 18-month-old only wants Mom-and-Dad food. Pretty much everything cooked in a crockpot is mushy, which is great for toddlers.

2. quick & easy meal ingredients that will last a week in the fridge. I buy sandwhich stuff (bread that freezes well, cheese, tomato, etc.) and other long-lasting staples (eggs, carrots, etc) on my weekly grocery run. These are for the "last-minute" lunches and dinners. Seriously, there's nothing wrong with a grilled cheese sandwhich for dinner!

3. cook big on the weekends. I made a double-recipe of whatever we're having for dinner on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights. Leftovers are put into containers (1 meal per container) and brought to work for lunch.

4. a big freezer. Any leftovers that aren't needed (such as a batch of soup that made 12 servings!) go in the freezer. When we're crunched for time, instead of ordering take-out we pull something out of the freezer.

[sacha]

Didn't read the previous comments, so sorry if this is at all repetitive. If you want to get the kids fed earlier, then consider setting aside portions of whatever was cooked on one night for the children the next night. That alleviates the rush to have a whole dinner prepared by the children's mealtimes. Although I would love us all to sit down as a family, the kids really do need to eat pretty early (between 5 and 6) to avoid the late afternoon/evening meltdown. My husband is rarely home by that time and I am rarely ready to eat that early. Then, while the kids are eating, I am able to do some prep for dinner for us, which we eat after the kids go to bed, or they sit with us and have a bedtime snack while we eat, between 7:30-8:30. I feel a lot less stressed out and rushed this way. Cook double batches of things that freeze well. Don't beat yourself up over pancakes or sandwiches for dinner - make it fun!

[pnuts mama]

i need to start the weekly planning ahead as well...we are late eaters also.

ok, i'll go out on a limb here and admit that we eat out/do take out quite a bit, even w/ me as a SAHM. i don't mean to imply that we're loaded or spoiled, but i often spaz on dinner or we have to be out in the evening anyway (pnut goes to bed around 9:30 and obviously the bean doesn't have a bedtime) so we end up eating out. often our time is worth the 20 bucks or so we'd spend in prep and cooking. we tend to order stuff that can have leftovers, or as good for us as possible. the other nights usually revolve around whatever came in the csa box that week (often salad), which totally dictates our summer eating.

that, and ice cream. mmm...

[Linda]

My husband has a normal daytime weekday job and I work weekend nights, so "weekend prep time" doesn't exist in my world. Our schedule goes a little something like this:

Monday - he works late and the kids and I snack on leftovers or breakfasty type foods people have mentioned above.

Tuesday - we have a potluck with friends each week so I'm only responsible for some part of the meal.

Wed/Thurs - real meal nights. I am home during the day, so I have dinner ready by the time he get home. What a good homemaker I am!

Fri - He gets home from work at 6:15 and I leave at 6:30. I usually eat something leftover-y and he feeds the kids grilled cheese or omelets.

Sat - easy night. We grill something or get together with friends for a potluck.

Sun - I work again, so I nap in the afternoon and we order pizza/takeout/whatever before I leave for work.

I do the same meal planning everyone else does, but I have a 4-6 week meal plan that I rotate thru. At one point in time, I wrote down every single meal that we like and is relatively easy to make. I've added to that as I've had the time/inclination to try new recipes. Now I know that Week #2 includes a certain 4 meals and I just buy those ingredients and the appropriate side dishes. This has severely cut down on our wasted food and eating the same thing once/month isn't a hardship.

I also have a well stocked pantry and freezer so there are always fallback meals: pancakes and sausages, spaghetti, etc. Meals that can use canned/frozen ingredients and are super fast.

Love "The Six O'Clock Scramble" mentioned above, although I tweaked a few recipes to make it more meat heavy and mushroom light.

[rudyinparis]

Caro mentions the Six O’Clock Scramble recipes—I do use the online menu service and love it. I subscribed to this service last Fall just to ease up in one area (ref: the “Wizard of Oz” syndrome discussed last week)—it just removed one thing (a pretty major thing) from occupying space in my brain. So for that, I love the service. I have, essentially, a Scramble cookbook online and I can pick recipes and it configures my grocery list. There’s more to it that that, (new recipes every week, etc.) but that’s the service in a nutshell.

I’m getting so much out of this conversation. It’s really helping me to focus my thoughts on the importance of knowing what’s best for me and my family, and of having the faith in myself and my abilities to trust that I do, indeed, know what’s best. I see that here with a lot of you saying, hey, what works for us is breakfast-type stuff. Or snacky stuff. Or dinner for the kids first. Or no dinner at all! Or, like Thy points out—knowing when to call a cease-fire, temporarily. A few weeks ago we were talking here about whether the kind of stress that accompanies a first child is more or less than the stress that comes with a second—you guys remember that conversation, right? I know with Eldest I had to 86 her from the public library for a brief period when she was a toddler. I was wracked over it. I feared she would be illiterate, all because her weekly visits to the library were halted. Well, after awhile—a few months—I started taking her again and everything was fine. So now, Younger has been 86’d from the co-op after a particularly impressive meltdown there a few weeks back. No big deal. I’ll start taking her again in a few months. I think that’s what Thy was getting at (or at least, I heard what I wanted!) It’s just important to be flexible. I always laughingly say that a when I was in labor it really helped me to say to myself, in a hokey faux Chinese sage voice “Be like bamboo—bend, but do not break.” Getting back to Katie, though, I think ACJ’s new mantra is great food for thought. It is *so hard* to raise kids in this culture (American culture). So—I’m very long-winded today, sorry—my last thing is I think we are all so great. Look at these posts! We all care so much for our children, our families, and their health. We are so well-educated about nutrition! We are all doing the very best we can. The very, very best. Truly, our children are so loved and cherished. I think you each should feel wonderful about all this hard work you’re putting in. Please take a moment to feel immensely proud of yourself.

[chaser]

I am a huge fan of the Six O'Clock Scramble -- I see someone earlier mentioned the cookbook, and I really love the online meal-planning service. It's a couple bucks a week, which pays for itself a dozen times over by helping us not buy lunch or takeout so often. The recipes are adult- and kid-friendly, fast, healthy, and yummy. I love the variety and the hours I save not doing the planning myself, and my husband loves how few dishes there are! http://www.thescramble.com

[Amy]

All I have to say is, Thank god for this post. I have been beating myself up for two years, wondering why on earth we were so incapable of having a sit-down family dinner. We both work, husband is not home until 7:30, daughter is almost two ... I am heaving a big sigh of relief that I am not the only mother in America incapable of having a full, traditionally nutritious dinner for three on the table every night.

[rudyinparis]

Actually, we should all be proud of ouselves EXCEPT for pnuts mama and Amy. You guys should be burned at the stake. {snort}

Pnuts mama, we have a CSA, too, what in the world am I going to do with all this lettuce? There's got to be some secondary use for it, like insulating the attic or something.

[Fahmi]

We do a combination of things. On weekends, I cook a few protein dishes (meat, fish) in large quantities and then just stick them in the fridge. There's enough for a week's worth there - and because there's two or three, we just alternate during the week, so there's no sense of eating the same thing every single day till it runs out. We come home, reheat food, cook maybe one item (something vegetable based and quick) and sit down to eat.

We also have two dinners, one at 6:30 when the kids eat, and again at 8:30 when the kids are in bed. The first dinner, my husband and I are just nibbling on small portions while the kids eat - a way to maintain the ritual. We cook something else and have a full meal later when the kids are in bed. The kids generally get leftovers the next day for dinner.

When we all get home (6:15 or so), we all wash up and sit down for dinner immediately. Then we play around and stuff before bathtime, and the kids are in bed by 7:30. (The eldest is 2.5 years old)

The key for us has been not worrying about cooking dinner before the kid's bedtime.

[T]

Well, there are a lot of good suggestions here. Personally, my family "makes" a schedule that works for us, not what works for the rest of the world. This includes bed & meal times. We feel that having at least one meal together as a family is extremely important (there are a number of statistics to show this.)We also believe that eating together encourages children to try new foods & shows our children that family time is important.

We have 5 children ages 15 months to 11 years.
When my husband worked night, I was a SAHM, & our older children were younger our family meal was lunch becuase that's when the whole family was there for the meal.

Now that my husband & I both work full time (day shift) & the older kids are in school- our family meal is in the evening & depending on our schedules dinner is usually between 6 & 7 pm.

Planning ahead is extremely helpful. I'm not trying to advertise but A few years ago I found an awesome company that I think you might find helpful. They are all about family values, meal planning & working within your budget. The mission is bringing families back to the dinner table. The meal collections have everything you need to do that - menu plans, & grocery lists & ideas for leftovers ("planed-overs.") The 4 Meals in 4 Minutes collections make over 60 meals. You make the simple meals ahead of time (they only take 3-4 ingredients dump it in a zip top bag- smoosh & freeze) your entree's are ready ahead of time so meal time is quick & easy. Then you can cook the meals however you like- crockpot, bake or grill. it's really awesome & has been a life saver for our family- I love it so much that I signded up as a distributor. If you're interested check it out at www.homemadegourmet.com/teresa10419. I'd be happy to help another family have time together around the "dinner" table.

[Slim]

"Pnuts mama, we have a CSA, too, what in the world am I going to do with all this lettuce? There's got to be some secondary use for it, like insulating the attic or something."

tee hee -- I can only assume you heard about me and the forgotten collard greens?

I use the CSA overages as props in the spiritual exercise of getting over bad mental habits, such as demanding perfection --including never ever wasting anything-- of my wildly imperfect self.

In trash, goodbye, will do better next year.

[ada]

My 10 month old son goes to sleep around 7. I get home from work around 5:30, my husband anytime between 6 and 6:30pm.

I feed DS his dinner when I get home. Then I usually prepare something that takes less than 30 minutes to prepare for us. We rely heavily on Trader Joe's. Their microwave brown rice (done in 3 minutes) is a staple in our house. And since its summertime we grill a lot.

I don't place so much importance on having my son actually EAT with us as I do have him SIT with us a dinner. He usually munches on Cheerios, or plays with a cloth napkin or a toy. And some nights it works really well. And sometimes he melts down completely in the middle of dinner and we have to put him to bed, then finish up our dinner later. And some nights we eat after he's gone to sleep.

I've found the trying to be flexible and above all else - keeping my expectations *LOW* (for whatever is going on - sleeping, eating, fussiness, ability to go places with our son) has helped us tremendously. We just don't set ourselves up with unrealistic expectations just to be disapointed when they don't happen. Or at least we try very hard to do that. :)

[shans281]

I'm a SAHM and love cooking (was in the restaurant industry pre-kid), but getting fast, nutritious meals on the table every night is still a challenge sometimes. Since having my son a year ago, my mantra has become "cook once, eat twice" -- if it takes more than twenty minutes to make something, I'll make a double batch or more and freeze the remainder (or prep ingredients for a second meal ie. when making chicken casserole make extra chicken to have on salads a day or two later). We use little glass tupperware containers with that are safe for oven or microwave and the perfect one (adult) portion size -- also nice if we're in the mood for different things for dinner. So about half the time we're eating something made fresh and the other half we're pulling something out of the freezer or doing a quick+dirty meal (fajitas, take out pizza etc.)

Pre-planning is key -- when I can manage it I do a two or even three week meal plan and big grocery trip, list on the fridge as mentioned above etc.; we don't usually stick to the exact plan, but at least that way I know we've got all the ingredients for various recipes. For the moment E.'s eating with us at night and bedtime's a little later, but we're flexible if that needs to change down the line.

[wix]

Plan, plan, plan, plan, and then prep, prep, prep, prep.

You'll have to devote some time to both of these items. I tend to do most of my prep work on Sundays, usually after shopping either Saturday or Sunday morning.

It helps that I worked in kitchens for a while as a teenager, because I saw the value of good prep and storage practices. A roll of masking tape and a Sharpie are a fixture in my prep area (which is about 2ft deep by 2.5ft wide--I'm doing all of this in a super-small apartment kitchen).

After you've prepped, date and label your containers. If you want to be a badass, put the date to be used and the name of the dish on the outside. Save every lidded container that you can, really--I even save the clear plastic go-cups and lids from our favorite coffee joint, which work great for short-term storage.

Some dishes can be assembled in advance, others not so much. When you're deciding what to have on which night, take into account what's happening on a particular day.

Remember that there is no shame in soups, salads, and sandwiches for supper. Soups can usually be crockpotted, and both salads and sandwiches don't have to be fancy, but they certainly can be.

[lucy]

I get home at 4pm and feed dd at 5pm. I eat at the same time even though I'm not particularly ravenous and then have a snack later on once she's in bed.

My 10 month old goes to bed at 6:40 - 7:00pm and wakes between 6am and 7am. This seems to work for her with 2, hour long naps thrown in during the day. Am I sending my baby to bed too early???????

[shirky]

How Dinner Gets Done, In My Mind:
Each week I lovingly craft menus for each day of the week, taking into account special obligations like appointments and noting the seasonal produce available. With these menus, wife shops and picks up local organic produce from farm share, pausing to pick fresh cherry tomatoes and peas at the farm. Each morning I rise early, prep the meal, possibly in a slow cooker, possibly using the delay cook feature on the oven. At 6 PM, a delicious, nutritious dinner is ready, and my child eats all four food groups happily. We then play in the park until 730 and he's in bed by 8, leaving a couple hours for wife and I to enjoy a dvd, a board game, or whatever as we relax in our tidy home.

How Dinner Gets Done In My Reality:
When I notice our fridge contains only condiments and year-old lettuce, I send wife to the store with a rudimentary list. When I do set up the slow cooker I realize I do not have the right ingredients! At 6 PM I discover my "faking it" method has resulted in something fairly inedible. No matter, as my child wants only HUMMUS and MILK and CRACKER for dinner. Of which he takes one bite and sweeps the rest to the floor with one grand gesture, so that he can rush out to play in the park. When we come back in, he is tired and hungry and tantrums through his bath! Finally after his teeth are brushed he says EAT? EAT? MILK? and as a sucker, I give him the leftover hummus. by the time he falls asleep at 9 (yes, after crying) we are exhausted and eat cookies and grilled cheese for dinner again while the fresh produce goes bad in the fridge!

[Shandra]

@lucy - if it works, it works!

[Suki]

@lucy - my 18 month old goes to bed at 6:45 too (I love it). If your baby is sleeping, then it's not too early for her!

@pnutsmum - I missed the arrival of bean. congratulations! how is it going with 2?

[Anna]

I agree with most of the above posters that planning ahead is crucial. We always have things like frozen broccoli florets, cheese, and whole grain crackers on hand for baby-must-eat-this-second emergencies. If that's her dinner, well, that's fine. And then we eat later.

But I do plan a weekly menu for family dinners based on what I get from our Sat. morning farmer's market, what we have left in our fridge and cupboards, and how busy the week will be. We make large amounts and plan for leftovers to eat for lunch the next day, freeze, or warm again for one of Hedra's "tilt the refridgerator into the nuker" meals. I love to cook and used to be a little snobby about leftovers and premade meals, but now it buys me time for a cocktail half-hour with a book. Totally worth it.

We also make a lot of stuff from scratch because my husband has gone back to school and money is tight. He's also home during the day, so we just have more time to fiddle around in the kitchen. However, I bought all this premade when we were both working: canned beans, pizza dough, sauces...

Now we make a crockpot of beans (garbanzo, white, or pinto) every week and freeze portions in freezer bags to add to burritos or salads or pastas later in the month. We make a double batch of pizza dough and keep it in the fridge for a foccacia to eat with an easy salad with nuts, fruit, and cheese or beans, veggies, ham/tuna/other protein. We also make pizza once a week.

Almost everything I make is multipurpose. This week I blended tomatillos, onions, garlic, cilantro, and chiles for a green salsa. We used it raw mixed with avocados for a guacamole. I cooked frozen chicken breasts in it and shredded the meat to put on tostadas. The rest of it goes into a freezer bag for a future meal.

Other dinners this week: pasta salad with veggies already steamed on Sunday, BLTs with basil mayo, those same steamed veggies dipped in that basil mayo with scrambled eggs or a frittata (depending on time), burritos with the leftover meat and beans from the tostada meal.

It does sound like Katie is doing just about all she can to steamline the dinner process--home at 6:30 and done eating at 7:30 is better than I can do most nights, even if crackers are on the menu! I think that adjusted bedtime or mealtime expectations are really the only way around this. Previous posters had some good ideas (eating dinner at daycare/with nanny, later bedtime, etc.)

@Shandra--I'd love to eat at your house!

[Meika]

I think that a question worth asking is how your son is functioning during the day. Does he actually seem tired and grumpy and generally out-of-sorts, or is it more that he's working on dropping a nap and it just seems to you intuitively that he must need more sleep?

I ask because, as others have said, we have a lot of culturally-set expectations of what times are appropriate for both eating and sleeping, and in looking across borders we can see that kids can flourish in a lot of different environements.

We try to get our 1-1/2-year-old in bed by 8:00 or so... but 9:30 isn't unusual in the summer (it's light until after 10 here now). But she still does a lot of napping, and on a schedule that every sleep book would freak out about - 10:30-11:30/12 in the morning, and usually 3-5:30/6 in the evening. We rarely eat before 7 - and we live in Middle America; we just got used to late dinnertimes when we were overseas.

I guess the point I'm making not-very-concisely is we should all consider what the actual needs of our families are and how to meet those best, which may often be by filtering out limiting cultural baggage.

[paola]

In the days that dh arrived home around 7.30ish, my 3.5 year old ate with us. I strive for that at least once a work week now, but don't always get it. Weekends are family meal times and that means dh, ds and I eat together. DD (18 months) eats impossibly early - have to catch that moment where she is not full from her afternoon snack, and not too tired to eat. But eventually I'll be down to making only 2 seperate dinners a night instead of three.

We have soups most nights during the cooler months. These you can prepare in advance and freeze, and they last 3 days or so in the fridge once defrosted. Summer we tend to have cold pasta dishes, cold rice salads, which again can be prepared in advance- if you can manage boiling the rice/pasta in the morning, you can add the ingredients when you get home. For protein we generally go with Italian cold-meats already sliced at the deli, carpaccio, tuna or chicken salad. Or a steak of some kind. We are pretty boring with food as you can tell. I don't get inspired much, but then again, dh has a big Italian lunch in the canteen at work, my son ditto at kinder and I usually have a cooked meal myself, so carbs for lunch and proteins for dinner, or around the other way.