D-MER, or feeling crappy when your milk lets down

This just in from the "Who Would Ever have Suspected This" Files*:

"Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex

Defining D-MER:
What It Is

Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex is a newly recognized condition affecting lactating women that is characterized by a brief surge of dysphoria, or negative emotions that peak before the milk ejection reflex, or letdown, and then dissipate quickly after the milk release.

How D-MER Presents:
What Mothers Feel

The negative emotions, or dysphoria, that a mother with D-MER experiences often manifest "in the mother's stomach" - a hollow feeling, a feeling like there is something in the pit of the stomach, or an emotional churning in the stomach. Mothers report varying types of emotions ranging from dread to anxiety to anger, these emotions fall on three different D-MER spectrums which are described in more detail below. The common thread between the D-MER spectrums however, is the wave of negative emotions or dysphoria, prior to letdown, that then lifts within another 30-90 seconds, and then usually repeats with each letdown.

A key piece of D-MER is that a mother with D-MER feels absolutely fine except just before her milk starts to flow...."

Ho-ly crap, people. I had no idea. I'm guessing right about now those of you who nursed for more than a day or two are either shaking your heads in surprise like I am, or reading this with your mouths open because this happened to you. Apparently all kinds of women have D-MER, no matter how easy it is for them to nurse, how soon their milk comes in, etc.

If this looks like you or someone you know, read the whole story at the D-MER website. Since this is such new information (and how did they even put it together?--I can't imagine that most women with it would talk about it, because we're not usually allowed to say anything even remotely negative about how we feel during breastfeeding), please go take their survey about it.

The tagline of the D-MER website is "Because Breastfeeding Shouldn't Make You Feel This Way." Seriously.

* Actually, it was an IBCLC (lactation consultant) who sent this to me. She herself had it with each of her kids, but had no idea it happened to other women!

Comments

[Lyn]

I agree with the posters that say that this is validating. To the people that feel that this concept is not scientific or can some how damage the reputation of breastfeeding have not experienced it.

It has nothing to do with wanting to be happy all the time. This is something out of our control, and its not a pleasant feeling. What I found so challenging about it is the fact that it comes on so suddenly and without reason (obviously we are learning that oxytocin is a factor).

When I first experienced it I wondered why was I feeling this about nursing...about MY own child! Learning that its the oxytocin before milk even lets down is reassuring.

For me this is completely different than the anxiety/anger/frustration felt when pregnant and nursing. Pregnancy nursing anxiety is more primal and it was directly linked to the act of nursing. For me it was the urge to push my son away. D-MER is not even connected to my nursling. Its a deep feeling within myself.

Thanks Moxie for bringing awareness to this very important issue.

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[Chrissie]

I have been trying to find info about this for 2 weeks. I have been breastfeeding for 4 weeks now and I have this several times a day. It's nice to feel validated after being disregarded for 4 weeks now any time I mentioned it. I was getting tired of being told that breastfeeding should be a pleasurable and happy experience.

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My wife is about to give birth, and this article freak me a little bit. Thanks for sharing this valuable information.

[Carrie]

Geniuses! All of you! It is just such a relief to hear that other women have had this problem. I agree with everyone. I stopped breastfeeding long before I had planned because of the severe anxiety that set in every time my milk let down. It also hit very hard the day my milk came in (day 3 maybe?) and for a few days following. It would usually clear after a few minutes, but the nausea would linger (I always have trouble getting rid of nausea once it sets in though). I am already prone to mild anxiety/nausea attacks in high pressure moments, but the frequency of my attacks during those first few months made me miserable. I can usually talk myself down from the panic, but only with logic and rationalization. This will help me on baby #2 to know that it is a natural hormonal reaction, I'm not crazy, I'm not alone, it will get better, I don't need drugs, and I don't need to stop breastfeeding. Why didn't anyone give me a heads up to this possibility. Maybe I wouldn't have been so scared if I knew it was a possible reaction and that my friends and doctors wouldn't think I was making it up. Thanks!

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[Greta]

I moved just before the birth so I sometimes thought it *was* homesickness. Or I sometimes chalked it up to my rts/ptsd from a past trauma, or maybe undiagnosed ppd, until I realized it consistently happens at letdown. It seems stronger when I am having a rough day in any way. So many women get ppd or are survivors, I wonder if there is a connection between dmer and rts or ppd.

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To my mind it is a great article*.*

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