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paola

I'm more and more convinced that these early wakings, for my daughter anyway,are due to those developmental spurts/wonder weeks or what ever you want to call them. We have iron shutters so no light or noise can get in (or out for that matter). 4-6 months was a doozy, 8/9 months bearable, 12-14 months really hard going ( you mums with one year olds, I hear ya and believe me it is only a PHASE), and she is just about at the end of the 75 week fussy period which has been a sinch in comparison with the others. During these times, she would wake anywhere around 5.30 to 6.30, I'd drag myself out of bed half-asleep,she'd nurse and fall back to sleep for another 1-2 hours, so I wasn't even going to bother to let her fuss/cry as that would have involved me waking up completely. And when the fussy periods were over, hey presto, back to waking up at 7.15, which is happenning now.

One thing I have noticed though is that if she goes to bed, even half an hour later, she doesn't sleep as well and even wakes up an hour earlier and I'm talking about putting her to bed at 7.30 rather than 7.00. A couple of times she had a 3 hour nap in the afternoon, woke up at 3.00 and instead of putting her to bed at her usual 7.00, I'd keep her up a bit more as I thought she wouldn't be tired enough to sleep, but wrong.She'd sleep really lousily and wake up at 6.45. Now even if she has slept a lot, and wakes from her nap at 3.00, she is in bed at 7.00 and sleeps so much better.


paola

@sam

Do you mean she doesn't have any scheduled naps at all? My two both had one in the morning and one in the afternoon at that age, but both at 10 months started dropping the morning one. Perhaps that's what is happening to your LO. She might be fighting the morning nap. But then again, if she is waking at 5.30, she will probably still want a morning nap around 2 hours after waking.

@Monica

YOur 3 year old can read numbers and tell the time???? God, my little one ( not yet 3.5) still can't count properly ( knows the numbers in order -in both Italian and English though - but can't actually count anything yet). Is mine behind or is your a super-genius?

Menita

Black-out shades, earlier bedtime and changing room temp definitely did it for us.

Suzie Q

I am reading this with SERIOUS interest. Original emails sound like something I could've written: our 8 month old has been waking around 5.30 for the last little while. I'm adjusting... but man do I miss the good old days of 6.30! We have blackout shades, we have A/C and a ceiling fan... I think all of the variables are covered, so am hoping this is just a phase... this is just a phase... please, Lord, let it just be a phase!

Oh yeah, and I'm with Shannon on the husband never waking up early. I shouldn't say NEVER -- but rarely. There are times when I am verrrry resentful of this,other times when I feel like I've just accepted that he's a late sleeper and I'm an early riser so... so it goes. I couldn't sleep late if I wanted to, but boy I wish I could!

Cloud

@Sam- if I remember right, our naps got very unpredictable at about 9-10 months, and not long after, we were down to one nap/day. We had actually been asked by day care to start encouraging that transition (to prep her for the toddler room), so we started pushing the morning nap later and eventually she just dropped the afternoon nap. She follows one schedule at day care and a slightly different one with us on the weekends- we try to keep to her day care schedule, but she often falls asleep earlier. I think it is nice to leave your mom some idea of what to expect, but also expect that your baby might follow a different schedule in a different care situation.

@Shannon- I hear you on not wanting to fight the hubby about getting up early. I agree with the idea of picking your battles and knowing what you are unlikely to change in your partner. But you can still try to find a way to get him to help improve the situation, right? If he is sleeping so late, maybe he could take on more of the night time duty, so that you can get some decent sleep. The split schedule works really well for us as long as I'm good about actually going to bed early. I've never had PPD, but I do know how horrible I feel when I don't get my minimum required sleep (for me it is 4 hours uninterrupted). So Hubby and I worked out a schedule that made sure we both had a good chance of getting what we needed. That is worth working for, right?

Suzanna

Amanda,
I had exactly the same issue with my MIL, and my husband, and my nanny at times. I also have twins and the pumping was so touch and go. I would beg them not to waste the stuff, then they would often switch to really skimping and the poor boys would be hungry. I would get furious- why is it so hard to understand, offer them as much as they want, but don't waste any?? The 'funny' thing is, I dropped pumping at about 10 months (still BF at home, they're 15 months) and now have quite a bit of BM in the freezer rapidly approaching its use by date.

Dana

Our daughter is 7 months old and her nighttime sleep schedule looks like this:

In Bed by 7 or 7:30pm
Awake between 5:30 and 6:45am
Nurse
Go back to sleep until 9am

Now. It wasn't always like this. But. I have a friend who has 3 y/o twins and they sleep until 9 STILL!!! So, she offered me some advice on keeping my little one in bed asleep. And it's worked for us.

1) room darkening shades

2) make a TON of noise around your sleeping babies from day one so they don't wake up when somebody sneezes! Vacuum, put dishes away, etc. Do NOT walk on eggshells when the baby is asleep.

3) When they wake up in the morning early, change them, feed them (if they are still nursing), and put them back to bed. Keep your interaction minimal like you did with the night wakings.

4) Stay firm. If you decide that you would prefer your child to stay in their crib/ sleeping location until 7 am, or whatever time, stick to it. If they are fed, warm, dry and you put them back down everytime, they will eventually get that it's still sleeping time.

Another friend of mine who also has twins (2 y/o) said that she doesn't get her girls out of their cribs until the chorus of "Mommy!!!" gets loud.

Missmol

@shannon: My husband doesn't get up in the morning either. Some days I am OK with it and others I am just so angry (usually on those days my child has an early AM wake up) I am a SAHM, so he justifies not getting up because if he doesn't get enough sleep then he doesn't perform well at work... and well that's what keeps a roof over our head. If you (or any other readers) come up with anything that works with your husband(s) please let us know, the minute I mention trying to take shifts my husband totally shuts me down and makes me feel like i am asking the world of him.

Dana

@Shannon & Missmol- the only time I can actually send my husband in is a time when I know that my daughter will not need to nurse. I also felt guilty sending him in there when I knew that he had to be at work in the AM, so most of the time I just took care of business. And totally took advantage of the afternoon nap. And also now the weekends are all his.

Has your spouse ever taken care of your child for a full 24 hours w/ minimal help from you? I came down with a wretched flu when our baby was 2 1/2 months old. I was throwing up/ shaking/ had a 102 fever/ and didn't even have enough strength to pick up my then 10 pound baby and burp her. So, DH stayed home from work and took care of the baby, bringing her to me to nurse and getting her after she was done. This was a life changing/ relationship changing experience. He was stunned at how much it takes to care for a small child- and he even admittedly got breaks when I was nursing! And he didn't cook dinner or do laundry!

zenjen

Wow, anything before 5 am is the middle of the night to me. My heart goes out to the moms getting up at 4:30 am.

My son is right-smack-dab in the middle of his 75th Wonder Week (going on 18 mos old) and is waking early (between 5:30-6 am) and only taking 1 hour long nap a day. He's also fussy, clingy, whiny and not eating well. I chant the same mantra over and over: it's only a phase.

Sleeping and eating haven't been this bad since his 9 month sleep regression where he essentially did the same thing: early waking, short naps..though at that time he took 2 naps a day so that helped me get through it.

@ husband sleeping in: mine works outside of the house during the day and then also at night at home usually from 9ish pm to 1 am. He sleeps in until about 8:30 am. There are times I resent it but he does often take the 9-1 shift though my son rarely wakes during that hour.

Meegan

I woke up with our daughter between 4:20 and 4:45 for 5 months? 6? I lost count. It was brutal. She started waking that early at about 13 months and continued doing so until...19? It always seemed like she was tired during the day, too. First trimester pregnancy (and the accompanying exhaustion) forced me into action. I started letting her cry until 5:30. It took about a week, but she got it. She would still wake up really early but put herself back to sleep for at least one, sometimes two more sleep cycles. She's now 21 months and wakes around 5:45. I don't get out of bed before 6:15. She no longer cries, just says mama occasionally and plays with her stuffed animals. Can I get a Hallelujiah?!

Julie

I don't know if this has been mentioned - I tried to comment earlier but couldn't post a comment (I think it's my work connection and not typepad) but we struggle with this all.the.time. In fact this morning Alex woke up at 5:38.

The first thing I have noticed that works (sometimes, always just sometimes) is giving him a snack RIGHT before he goes to bed. And I"m talking after bath, after brushing teeth, after getting into his sleepsack, we are reading books and eating protein (usually edamame beans) and maybe some fruit or other carbohydrate. We follow up with a bottle of milk. My goal is to truly fill his tank sooooo full that he doesn't wake up hungry, which is why I suspect he's up so early. Because, you know, he can't be bothered to eat anything substantial during the day. But that's another post for another day.

We also bought a clock that changes color when it's time to wake up. It is a yellow nightlight when it's night time and sleep time, and when the night light turns green (on a timer) it's wake up time. This works sometimes, and other times not so much. A lot of the time, we'll hear him yelling (at 5:45): The light is green! The light is green!!! THE LIGHT IS GREEN!!!!!!!! When we all know that no, the light is not green.

I'm hoping (foolishly hoping hahaha) that when we transition him to a big boy bed this summer and use the baby gate to contain his activities, the matter of the light being yellow or green won't matter so much. He can lay in bed or he can play with his toys as long as he stays in his room. I HEAR ALL YOU INTERNETERS OUT THERE LAUGHING AT ME. I can hope that it's really the confines of his crib that are making him so anxious to be up! and about!

Other than a green light and shoveling food in his mouth right before his head hits the bed (cavities be damned.....I need sleep), I have nothing else to add.

@Sam....9.5 months is definitely old enough to schedule naps. I think her sleep will be wonky as long as you tailor her naptimes to her wakeup time. If you are consistent with an 8:30ish AM naptime no matter WHAT time she wakes up, eventually her sleep will regulate and she will probably sleep longer in the mornings. For us it was 6:30 AM wake up time, 8:30 naptime, 1:30 naptime, 6:30 bedtime. And despite mornings like this morning where Alex wakes up early, most of the time (hahaha, do you hear me, fate???) he will sleep until 6:30. Good luck!

boofyq

I think it was right around 7 months when our twins went through a brief phase of these early morning wakeups. We just gave them their breakfast bottles then and put them back to bed, and they'd sleep another hour or two.

BabyA learned how to turn on her crib mobile by stomping on it with her foot early on -- maybe at 4-5 months or so. As the months have gone on, she can do it with her hands now, and even choose the different musical tunes it plays. Kind of like her personal crib radio. So that occupies her if she wakes up early, and she'll curl up and go back to sleep eventually. These days she also loves having a board book in bed with her. She'll hold it and turn pages -- sometimes she's using both hands and a foot or two to really get into her reading. She has always been happy to just putter around in her crib though, and nod off again.

BabyB will play with a few toys - we try to make them soft things or maybe a crinkly thing, but learned the hard way not to leave any hard toys like a cup in her crib because she'll start banging it on the crib and making a real racket.

Once they're up (preferably later than 6:45am), they have their breakfast bottle and then go back down for a catnap while I take my shower and eat breakfast.

My first thing in the morning motto has pretty much been: "If no one is crying "for real", mommy gets to stay in bed and sleep/relax." Singing and playing in the crib is great, and I can enjoy listening over the monitor, but I don't get up.

FWIW, our twins go to bed at about 6pm and they've slept 12-13 hours for months. Someone might wake up for a little while sometime overnight, but it's not anything that keeps them up and they settle back down on their own.

Carmen

My son is an irregular, light, needy sleeper who MUST sleep with mommy AND an early riser BUT I've noticed that his jacked up sleep schedule seems to mean that he is less impacted than my friends' kids when he misses a nap or goes to bed late. Other kids that are on a "perfect 10-12 hr sleep straight through the night with a 2 hr afternoon nap" kind of schedule seem to lose their marbles if they go down for their nap late or "gasp!" don't get it at all.

Just trying to make myself feel better about having a shitty sleeper.

***WARNING! Don't gripe about 6am wake-ups cuz that's when you'll get a 330am wake-up like I did this morning. Curse me for bitching!

Made 6 am seem pretty blissful.

carmen

@Sam

For Buster (15 months) naptimes are different everyday depending upon when he gets up. Usually the first is 2 hrs after he wakes and the next is 3-5 hrs after the first is over. Total sleep is around 3 hrs for naps.

It sucks not to have regular naps but I don't really see how I could force regular naps when he wakes at a different time everyday. Seems too militant to me. I wouldn't want to sleep if I wasn't tired.

Tami

@ Shannon: as someone who has struggled with PPD and depression in general (and who has a husband who has never really had a problem with depression, and therefore does really get what the problem is) here are some things that have helped me:

-Treat the problem like triage and focus only on the essentials. When I'm feeling overwhelmed I pare down my daily tasks to bare essentials (do we have a live children and live mama at the end of the day? Yes, we had a good day). Screw the dishes, screw the laundry, and we're shooting for cleanliness just above not getting anyone sick. Really, the house can wait. Say every article of clothing in the whole house was dirty (2 adults and 3 kids in our house), it would take like two days, maybe three days of just focusing on laundry to get you caught up. Same for dishes, same for cleaning. Those things are easily fixed. Our own well being takes more time and care to fix. Also, the train wreck house is a very clear visual way for the husband to see just how much life sucks for you right now. He may not feel the need to get up in the morning, but if he runs out of clean clothes, he'll likely feel the need to do laundry. I know this seems kind of passive-aggressive, but for me it was more about the idea of "Ok, I see you are not going to help me in ways I could really use help, so I just have to do what I need to do to help myself and if it sucks for you in the process, well welcome to my life." Really, this is triage time, a time to be very "selfish" and take your well being very seriously. If you were in the emergency room after a car accident, would you really be worrying (or feel guilty) about not having clean sneakers on? Your mental health is just as important, for your sake, your child's sake and your family's sake. You are extremely important to your family and you need to be healthy.

-Your first goal once you have unapologetically pared down is to go get a shower and get out of the house. Do this as much as you can stand, maybe only once a week, maybe everyday of the week. It doesn't really matter where you go. It was always helpful to me to find some other (similar lifestyle) mothers to hang out with, but sometimes just walking around somewhere I liked being was enough.

-Your next goal is to unapologetically take a nap every day, period. I fought this one for the longest time, but I finally realized that I am more productive and a better, saner mother if I make myself lie down and rest instead of trying to work through nap time.

-Once you get in the routine of regularly getting out of the house and taking a nap every day (and this needs to feel like a routine, not I've done this for two days, now lets get to work), reassess what you want your next goal to be (one load of dishes each day, pick up toys once a day, etc.). Start small and be very self-forgiving. If you don't reach your goal today, don't worry you have a whole another day to try again tomorrow. I know it sounds sappy, but I really had to start small and learn to be very kind to myself. Follow your own lead. If you feel yourself teetering, pare down. If you feel like you have some more energy to get a few more things done, go for it.

I know this didn't really specifically address getting your husband to get up in the morning, but I totally get the not having any energy to directly fight that battle. For me, focusing on behavior I could change (my own) was much more empowering and helpful in getting through the tough times (and eventually changing my husband's behavior to something that was helpful).

Kerry

@ Tami: That's pretty much what I did in the early days -- it was about what I could manage -- and I didn't even have PPD or a sleeping-in-husband. It worked well.

paola

@zenjen

Our kids are at the same phase but 75 weeks for me has been so so easy in comparison to the 11- 14 month fussy periods (2 in close succession). Seems they are all affected differently. I wouldn't have even noticed this one had I not seen that my LO was a bit more demanding during her waking times,, but she naps really well (if it's me and her that is, throw in daddy or my 3.5 year old and she'll only sleep 40 mintues)and no problems at night either. A quesiton: do you know if this is the last for a while or do we have another before the 2.5 year one??

kat

Yep we dealt with this same issue. I was horrified when our 7 month old started waking before 5am. I immediately did an internet search and was also convinced it was bright light at 4am that was waking him up. I was so sleep deprived (especially since I'm back at work) but nearly cried with joy when I found out a local shop rents out black out curtains for a week for free. Took them home that night and it really has helped. Wow life really changes with a baby and you think a 6am wake up is not too bad and 7am is luxurious. Oh yeah I remember the days of leisurely 8 or 9am wake ups....

paola

Oh can I change my mind????

This morning both my kids were up 1/2 an hour earlier. Even my 3.5 who is a real sleepy head was calling for me at 7.00 (while the little one was awake at 6.30). Has gotten really warm all of a sudden here in Italy but I also think it has something to do with seasonality of circadian cycles (Oh God, is this a bad translations from Italian? Hedra?)My point is that we all tend to wake a little bit earlier in the warmer summer months when there is more light and fall asleep earlier in winter. I know my big boy did last year and I know my dad who is a farmer is up when the sun is and in bed at sunset.

amy

OMG, Moxie, I just this morning clicked the You Tube link, and I LOVE THAT MOVIE. In fact, my husband and I have sung our own version of that song to our tot since she was little-little. When she had just figured out how to sleep long enough at night to make morning something special and unique, I started singing it with messages of sleeping "the whole night through".

In case you're wondering, no, it did not actually help her sleep through the night. :) But good mornin'! and thanks for the early morning smile!

zenjen

@paola-My son is my first so I have no idea if there is another regression between 18 mos and 2.5 years. Maybe Moxie can help with that one. I am guessing that there are these bleeps/leaps/regressions about every 6 mos or so after reaching a year. You bring up a good point about kids being affected differently...my son was a charm after getting over his 9 mo leap, he was so easy from 11 mos- 15 mos (sleeping great, eating veggies and all sorts of foods).

Then he started to walk at 15 mos and dropped the 2nd nap, and now with the 18 mo leap it's just ugh awful!!!

I am sure he'll get over this regression just in time for our family vacation to Europe in August (I'm from Switzerland). Then I can just deal with the week long jetlag that is sure to follow. :insert despondent laugh here:

sudru

For now we have 2 dark green towels pinned to the shade in the little guy's room, not pretty, but they are really darkening his room. We have a sound machine that plays 6 different sounds, we usually play rain, that goes all night. A small fan is whirring in his room. And we're also dealing with the cat who has decided that she too can greet the sun at 5AM! So now I'm keeping baby's door shut so he can't hear her early morning meows.

sheSaid

5:30am my heart goes out to all of you. I refuse to get up that early and have all of his life. I chose a time I was willing to get up and when he was a baby just kept nursing him back down until we hit that time. for me that is between 8 and 9 now. He can crawl around the bed and sometimes will not nurse, but we do seem to have his clock set around the 8-9 time frame. This also works ok for daycare. We go to bed around 10 or 11 and put baby down around 8-9-10 depending. We tried schedules, specific naps... it didn't work for us or baby and had no effect on quality of sleep... we just roll with him.

I am NOT a morning person. It just wont happen. We just keep nursing back to sleep if he gets up early. Or if he really needs to play we go to his room (babyproofed) and he can play in there and I nap on the loveseat pull out.

My DH has sleep apnea which was just diagnosed and gets up at 4:30 for work. It has been horrible... see me not being a morning person. I ended up with ALL the shifts. I get one morning a weekend where I tell DH its your turn and i just WONT get the baby. They watch cartoons together :) That is not perfect for any of us, but its what we do with wht we have.

django's mommy

My 3 year old has ALWAYS been an early to bed, early to riser. He went to bed at 6pm until he was probably close to 18months old (and yes, we tried putting him to bed later- he would just wake up tired at 6am).

More recently (since my husband died), he started waking up earlier and earlier- like 4am. One of my friends told me about implementing a 'morning light', and it has been a godsend. I took a cheapo lamp and put it on a timer. At first, I set the light (a 15 watt bulb, so very dim, won't wake him up) to come on at 4:30am. I told him he could not get out of bed before the morning light came on in the morning. If he came and got me before then, I put him back in his bed and reinforced that he needed to stay there. This took just a few days until he stayed in bed. Then, once he was adjusted to waking at 4:30 (hey, it was better than 4!), I began to shift the timer by 15 minute increments. He now stays in bed until 6am. Thank goodness!!! Maybe this will help people who have toddler-aged early risers... I know it has been invaluable for me.

liz

@Shannon and others with non-early-waking husbands: "You won't take that shift? Fine. Pick three other jobs around the house instead and do them well. Or hire a house-keeper. Or move out so I don't have to take care of YOU too or resent the fact that you are not present in parenting our child."

Julie

Our 11 month old has always been an early riser, but goes through cycles where he wakes at 5:20 every day for like 2-3 weeks. Then we go back to random wake up times but it is always early.

I do think it is part milestone/spurt related and the other part karma. My husband and I were both early risers/poor sleepers as kids.

@Amanda - O.M.G. I am furious with your MIL and I don't even know her. That just sucks!

hedra

@paola, the talking/reading thing - most kids can't read time at that age. And bilingual kids will read fluently slightly later (but it's because they're growing two different sets of language centers). It looks like a lag (though really, my kids are bright, and at 3 1/2, can count 1-12 but drop numbers in the sequence or 'get stuck' regularly). I don't know much about circadian rhythm, though. So no help there!

Monica

@paola, i don't think mine's a super-genius, and i don't think yours is behind! He is 3 years 9 months now, and was probably 3 years 7 months when we got the clock? Just super-interested in numbers, and there are some very number-oriented people on both sides of the family (not me though).

Also, for all the interest in time and clocks, he's got to be one of the dawdliest kids ever.

amy

i heart liz, but i know with my first one i never would have had the ovaries to say that out loud.

Kristen

Our daughter is now 11-months old. She has definitely gone through a few periods where she would wake up that early. We treated it as if it was a night wake-up, and would keep her room dark, give her a bottle, and put her back to sleep. No changing, no talking, just back to sleep. Usually, she would then sleep a little later than normal and would wake up around 8. While this would push her nap back a little, it was definitely better than 5! Generally now, she sleeps til 7:30 or so every morning. This seems later than some other babies, I wonder if its because we always put her back down if she woke up early!!

Missmol

@Dana: Oh I WISH I had fallen sick at that stage so that my husband was forced to do the "24 hour take care of baby without mom being able to help" thing. My friends have told me how this experience does change the dynamic around the house.

And yes, because of the breastfeeding, during the early days my DH didn't think he was much help because I was all my baby really needed and I was OK with that. Now that my child is 9 months old, he doesn't feed as much and the morning time really isn't spent breastfeeding after we both get out of bed (we co-sleep). We play and have food and go for a morning walk... whatever it is we do has to be REALLY quiet so we don't wake up sleeping beauty downstairs.

I think I just assumed that when the baby got a little older and was doing more that my DH would step in and want to get up in the morning and have that time with his family. I think that is what disappoints me the most. Especially because he works late as well... so essentially we don't see a lot of dad. Instead, he chooses to go to bed really late (in order to decompress and get alone time) and then sleep until 9a during the week and 10a or 11a on the weekends!
In most departments my husband is supportive and loving... so in the end I just end up feeling guilty for wanting him to get out of bed. And the cycle continues...

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  • My expertise is in helping people be who they want to be, with a specialty in how being a parent fits into everything else. I like people. I like parents. I think you're doing a fantastic job. The nitty-gritty of what you do with your kids is up to you, although I'm happy to post questions here to get data points of how you could try approaching different stages, because, let's face it, this shit is hard. As for me, I have two kids who sleep through the night and can tie their own shoes. I've been a married SAHM, a married freelance WAHM, a divorcing WOHM, a divorced WOHM, and now a WAHM again. I'm not buying the Mommy Wars and I'll come sit next to you no matter how you're feeding your kid. When in doubt, follow the money trail. And don't believe the hype.
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