Near miss

Yesterday, I had a scare. And also learned that my instincts aren't called instincts for nothing.

As the boys and I were walking home from our special Mothers' Day dinner (local Japanese restaurant: edamame, avocado rolls, and veggie tempura for them, eel kinuta roll and spicy salmon roll for me), I let them do their usual thing. They can run as far ahead on the sidewalk as they like, but the stop at the curb and wait for me. I'm not sure exactly why they always do stop--maybe because I only have a few rules that I enforce absolutely, and this is one of them?--but they always do stop and wait. So they ran ahead, then stopped and waited for me, and when the light turned green and we got the walking guy (instead of the red hand), I took the younger one's hand and the three of us started across the street.

Suddenly, the black Lexus parked right in front of the crosswalk started backing up! It was almost touching the kids, and I saw it in my peripheral vision, and before I realized consciously what was happening I screamed this high-pitched, anguished-sounding scream that scared the living crap out of the people walking a few feet ahead of us. But it also, fortunately, caught the attention of the driver of the car, who stopped backing up.

So no one was touched. I hope the driver of the car (who looked remarkably like Larry David) is more than a little freaked out that he could have killed a mother and her two children on Mothers' Day, and is anal about checking behind him before he backs up in the future. I don't want him to feel bad forever, but use this near miss as a chance to be more aware of his surroundings and his place in the human ecosystem.

I also hope that I can stay in touch with that instinct that made me scream. I haven't felt that purely animal since I was in labor with my second and had the thought that I wished I had something to pull down on, and my mom put out her hands for me to pull on even though I hadn't spoken that thought out loud. Whatever that animal level that my mom picked up on was is the animal level that sensed the danger and responded to it.

I can't be the only one that's thought about "What would I do if" thousands of times since my kids were born. I know I've thought about a car jumping the sidewalk and crashing into them, someone trying to steal them at a store, their falling onto the subway tracks, etc. I'd never thought about a geezer backing into them at 20 miles per hour a block from my apartment.

By the time you're reading this, I've started rereading Gavin DeBecker's Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane).

Comments

[Andromeda]

I do a lot of biking, which means I encounter a lot of drivers who aren't looking for me (note to world: you're supposed to look for oncoming traffic before opening your driver's side door into it). Trust me, the scream reaction isn't one that goes away (and is one that almost universally gets people's attention). Good thing you all weren't hurt :).

[enu]

I'm so glad no-one was hurt! Screaming can be good (I don't think I'm a good enough screamer. Maybe I should practice? Bwaaahaahaa)

Bad things do happen, and right now you're always there with the kids (or someone big who is supposed to have sense is...) but those days go by and in many ways you just have to accept there is risk in life. It is very scary!

You train them up to look both ways before they cross, and all that good stuff, but if a car comes crashing up on the sidewalk, there's only so much training can do for you. The risk is not new, and if you let it take over too much of your head you also risk giving over too much of your life to fear.

[Mar]

Our rule growing up in nyc was to stop at the corner of BUILDING not the curb -- gives a little cushion room. Picture that same lexus peeling around the corner once his light changed, to beat the pedestrian flow.

[Elizabeth]

We had a similar experience, but we got hit. It was very minor, as the car was going 2 mph. It was a classic driving mistake: she looked left at oncoming car traffic and didn't look right at pedestrian traffic. We were walking with the stroller and both thought she saw us, and walked into the street. She started rolling forward and ran over my husband's foot. I had the buggy and I rolled up on the hood while keeping the buggy mostly level.

We all freaked out and I think the kid was more scared of our reaction than the actual accident.

We didn't file any police report b/c we figured she's gonna be scared sh*tless for the next 25 years. Nothing like hitting a baby in a stroller to make you double check!

[Becca]

How scary! Glad everyone is alright. We haven't had any close calls ourselves, but the what-ifs run through my head constantly.

[hedra]

Enu said everything I would say.

And I have the scream-that-goes-through-glass, too.

[Laura]

So glad no one was hurt! I'm interested to check out the book you mentioned. As my kids get older, I find it difficult to balance giving them independence with keeping them safe. I also find that different parents have different points at which the fear instinct kicks in. It's easy to second guess yourself when you see other kids with such different boundaries (either more or less protective).

[pnuts mama]

isn't that the car that "parks itself"? (rolls eyes) or at least has the camera in the back? yeesh.

when i was pregant w/pnut i watched my three nephews overnight at their house. for some reason as i was trying to get to sleep i started having all these scenarios of what i would do if something were to happen- i planned out how i would gather them up and get them out a window if a fire trapped us, intruder came in, etc etc. crazy.

that mama-bear instinct is *strong* huh?

ps- we had sushi for mothers day too! mmmm...

[AmyinMotown]

Thank God--because I happened upon a terrible accident Friday where the mother and her child were hit:http://dailytribune.com/stories/051108/loc_localn02.shtml

I was driving home after picking Maggie up from school and saw a lot of traffic behaving erratically, so I slowed down and noticed drivers were stopping to avoid little wheels going into the street. Then I saw the stroller, then the very still body of the mother, then a little body on the grass. Then the car, its front end smashed up against the concrete decoration it hit.

THANK GOD, the mother and her baby were OK.

We go to that town a lot to walk around since our own neighborhood is not as pedestrian friendly. It was a terrifying thing to see. And of course I have little Miss Questions in the back seat: "Why do you keep saying 'Oh my God'?" Why is your hand over your mouth? Why do you have you hand still there? Why are you upset?"

She did let me give her a HUGE hug once we got safely home, though.

And "Protecting the Gift"--yeah. gotta read it. Since Jane Outgoing has no boundaries when it comes to strangers, and it feels like such a challenge to encourage her open and friendly nature while giving her the tools to stay safe.

[Moxie]

Yeah, enu and hedra, I think part of it for me was that I've spent so much time thinking about all these extreme situations, but then when I needed it it was just there, without my even thinking (worrying) about it. Which is also the point of the De Becker book, that we spend all this time catastrophizing about things and then the danger is the stuff that's right under our noses. So you just have to trust your instincts.

AmyinMotown, how awful.

[Amie]

Daddy instincts can be strong too. I read a very sad story yesterday about a dad out walking with his 4-year-old daughter and saw a car jump the curb and come at them (drunk driver). He was quick-witted and did the only thing he really could have - he picked up his baby girl and lifted her up high. The car pinned them to a fence. He was killed but his daughter was hospitalized and is doing fine.

Yes, I cried when I read this story. But I saved it anyway. That father died a hero and people deserve to know about it and honor his memory. Consider yourself warned:

http://www.suntimes.com/news/24-7/935688,CST-NWS-dad07.article

[linda]

Hey Moxie,

I just read your ex's piece that he had published about the divorce, even though I had NO IDEA that was your husband. Halfway through the piece, I thought - this could totally be Moxie's husband. After a little research I got all the pieces sorted out and now I feel like Angela Landsbury on Murder she wrote, do you remember that show??

Anyway, I just wanted to wish you well and to say that your boys are extremely blessed to have parents who are so mindful of their needs through this process. You are both so wise, and I'm glad that you share so much wisdom.

[GS]

Hi All,
So, I'm not sure if this relates, but recently I haven't been thinking so much about "what I'd do if." I've been having morbid thoughts about kidnapping. It all started b/c I was stupidly watching the idiot-box (that's the Pacific Northwest's word for TV) and a story about the 4-year-old Madeline McCann came on. This is the young girl who was kidnapped from her hotel room while her parents were dining in a restaurant "about 60 meters away." All of the sudden all I could think about was the same thing happening to my little guy (22 months old). I'd never do what the parents did -- not to judge them, though...seriously they're going through hell -- and I couldn't stop imagining this. It got so bad that I couldn't sleep.

When I think about what I "would do" if my boy was kidnapped, I find that I can't think of anything. I honestly think I'd end it all. So horrible, I know. Sorry. Just had to let that out. I'm wondering if others have had a similar reaction to a kidnapping story?!

[Inzaburbs]

That must have been really scary.

I don't have a scream reflex. Or rather I do, but when I open my mouth a little squeak comes out. So this has always been my biggest worry, that something will happen and nobody will hear me.

And then, a few months back, my 4 year old was a few feet behind me heading into school, when a trailer backed up onto the sidewalk heading right for her. (Don't ask me why a trailer was backing onto a sidewalk, in a school car park, as kids were walking into class - someone somewhere screwed up royally).

I started moving, it seemed like in slow motion, with my mouth open, but no sound came out. Luckily, she ran and just missed being run over.

For a long time I have thought, maybe I should take screaming classes or something. Does such a thing even exist? Maybe it should.

[Charisse]

Oh wow, Moxie, so glad everybody is OK!! We had a very similar incident a couple months ago, except we were well into the crosswalk and the car, which was turning left without signalling or slowing down, didn't stop. I was amazed how it all slowed down for me. I yanked Mouse across and watched the bumper pass a few inches from her shoulder, THEN heard myself screaming. We were fine, several passersby rushed to help us and get the license of the car, which still didn't stop. Mouse was furious with me for yanking her and hurting her arm.

It took me a few days and some work with a yoga teacher to get through the adrenaline hangover from that enormous spike. If you feel a little shaky, please realize it's a normal reaction and take extra care of yourself. Thinking of you guys and sending you peaceful thoughts!

[Sarah]

Yikes. I worked in NYC for about 6 months and was really amazed (if you can call it that) at how little regard some drivers took for anything in the street, especially people.

I wish I could say I haven't experienced the same sort of behavior elsewhere, but NJ and DE have all been the same. Of course, the pedestrian traffic in the City is no match, but still.

How someone can get behind the wheel of a vehicle and be so oblivious is beyond me.

I probably would have screamed loud enough to startle Lady Liberty, too. :) Thank goodness you guys were okay, Moxie!

[caramama]

I'm so glad those instincts kicked in like that and you guys are okay! I'm so sorry to hear about the people who weren't so lucky!

I keep planning on buying the Protecting the Gift book. I'll have to do that in my next amazon order (through you, of course!). Currently, I'm reading Animals In Translation, in which an autistic adult who is an animal scientist talks about how autism in human brains is similar to animal brains. I mention it because she talks alot about inattentional blindness (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inattentional_blindness) in which people don't see things that they don't expect to be there. It's fascinating in how people really look but don't even see simply because they don't expect a person or whatever to be there. I had this happen recently (not with a person or in such a dangerous situation), and I'm still amazed that I didn't see the thing that was so obvious.

That's not an excuse, because drivers should especially pay attention and look for things out of the ordinary. But this is also to remind us all that people may look and not even see us, so it's up to each of us to be extra careful and trust that parental instinct.

[hedra]

@inzaburbs, it's called primal scream therapy, I think. ;) Actually, my mom couldn't scream for a long time, either. She finally got through that in therapy, though. It was (in her case) because she'd been so strongly taught to (coerced into) not expressing fear or anger - it was 'these feelings don't exist/are more dangerous than any real-life situation' rather than 'there are appropriate ways to express them'. And I couldn't scream for a long time myself - likewise, a personal issue with 'my voice' though in my case I'd supressed it myself (okay, credit goes in part to the abuser convincing me that speaking up would cost me all my future goals and happiness, but part was me knowing that if I made enough noise someone WOULD come and help me, and facing what had happened I was sure would kill me...).

@Moxie, I haven't read the book, but I agree with the theme - the risks we catastrophize are not usually the risks that are real and right under our noses. We over-play the dramatic-but-rare risks, and underplay the ones that never hit the news. I actually did some reading on childhood injuries after getting in an argument about gun accidents with someone, when I realized that I had absolutely no perspective on what the actual risks were, or how to compare them. Pedestrian+car accidents are huge, so are car+car/object, so are choking and drowning, and one of the biggest causes of severe injuries for kids is falls - on stairs, out windows, off counters, etc. So, yeah, we put bars on the windows upstairs, and installed a second (lower) stair handrail for the kids (past the gate age), and regularly wiggle the car seats to check their tightness, we took infant/child CPR classes, we take defensive driving classes, we keep the cars repaired, we use bike helmets, we adjust the water heater temp, and we go really strict about parking lot and sidewalk/road-crossing pedestrian behavior. It's all the BORING stuff that is the most likely to cause a real problem.

I was made much more aware of the mistakes people make in risk assessment when I was doing risk analysis for work, while documenting work processes. People who had done these jobs for 20+ years were paranoid about things that had *never* happened and that were unlikely to ever happen. They'd consider severity of risk and go all out to prevent those events (which were almost always systemically prevented as well). Other people would put in a lot of effort to prevent the completely minor instances that were unlikely to ever cause more than an hour's extra work, instead - high probability, low severity.. We were much more cheerful about the overall usefulness of that, even though the severity was MINOR, avoiding the cumulative repeated effort of repairing those errors was a cost savings, and that was okay. But in-between were the 'reasonably possible, moderately severe to disastrous, and right there under our noses' things that were just left hanging out there. There were times my jaw was literally hanging open with shock that THIS issue was totally undocumented, disregarded, and hanging out there waiting to happen. Sometimes after there had been repeated near-miss incidents ('oh, we always catch them when they fall down the stairs'). Humans are really bad at risk assessment, basically.

I've had a few more scary events happen with my kids, and I've realized (like you) that my instincts are pretty decent under pressure. It kind of sets the bar, or as my mom says, 'calibrates the intuition'. I still am a 'prevent and plan' person by nature, but ... well, I'm now less likely to try to run through what I'd do if the plane is crashing, and more likely to run through what to do if we're rear-ended at a stop light in the car.

[Kristie]

unny you should post this, as I was just nursing Moosie to sleep I started imagining her being trapped under water - think pinned in deep water by some kind of metal debris - and wondering if in that situation adrenaline would really come through for me and enable me to lift an entire rusty car out of the water and save her. Crazy-nursing-hormone-emotions for you.

In real life, we live in Taiwan and a white baby in an Asian country attracts TONS of attention from strangers on a daily basis. Complete strangers are always asking to take her picture, hold her, give her cookies, you name it. It completely creeps me out, but I don't really think they have bad intentions. I don't usually agree to the holding, but sometimes will accept the cookies and usually let people take pictures. And then I am always asking myself if it is the right thing or not. Oh second-guessing yourself, what a lovely part of the motherhood package.

[Amanda]

I thankfully have not had such a scare with my little guy, but have with my husband.

He was almost hit by a woman driving while high on heroin. He was walking home from work when the car came up the sidewalk (on the wrong side of the street, mind you) and he was forced to run uphill and jump over the fence to get out of the way. When he called the cops he was standing on the corner with hubcap in his hand.

As it would turn out, this woman lived NEXT DOOR to us! He had to hold me back from going over there and giving them a piece of my mind. I think that before we had a baby I would've been scared for him but now that we have a kid I think the instinct to protect your entire family is just that much more. Had she hurt the father of my child I would've killed her, I can guarantee you that much. I know it sounds insane that I would say that but it's true. I'm really a pacifist at heart but I think that having a child makes you crazy--some sort of animal instinct clicks on in your brain and you'll do whatever it takes.

[Anne]

Amanda, you are so right.
I am a calm, non violent person. I can't even stand when someone yells.

But I could TOTALLY KILL anyone who was a threat to my child. Must be those mama bear instincts.

[Charisse]

@Kristie, just as a data point, my mom worried about many of the same things when we were living in Taiwan and I was a fat, very white, strawberry blond baby (my nickname was an-an-gim-gim). We left when I was about 1, but aside from getting more than the usual number of colds and such while there, I seem to have come out just fine. :)

[Katherine]

Oh, man. No, you are not the only one. I think about what would happen if I dropped my daughter, if she went under the water in the bathtub, if someone ran off with the stroller while I had my back turned, if someone carjacked me, if she got really sick, if one of my stepkids gave her something and she choked on it, if I'll get in a car accident and the straps in her carseat break....

[jessica]

That is a SCARY story. I have one too.

I was pushing the stroller across Queens Blvd right in front of my building. It was a quiet day, not much traffic. A man in an SUV was making a left turn, and he had pulled out to set up for the turn when the light changed, so he was blocking the crosswalk completely. There was no one behind him.

Since I didnt want to push my baby in the street with oncoming traffic, I went behind the guy. Right as we were right behind him, he backed up!! Why, I have no idea- there was no reason. I banged on his car as hard as I could and he stopped.

I reached the islend, right next to his car. he had turned around and was just staring at me- and he did look very pale. I asked him very quietly if he looks in his rearview mirror before going into reverse. He didn't answer- he looked really freaked out. I just stared at him until the light changed and he drove off.

[paola]

Mar's idea about getting the kids to stop at the building rather than at the curb is a sound piece of advise. My 3 year old is a bit clumsy and is constant falling over and we have to do a lot of walking on roads if I'm pushing the stroller or simply because the footpath just ends - Italy for ya. He was particularly bad with one pair of shoes and I felt responsible for his breaking his two front teeth as his shoes were just that little bit big ( so he could grow into them)and fell flat on his face, right in the middle of the road we were crossing. As it turned out, it wasn't all my fault, as I discovered his shoes hadn't been secured with the velcro straps very tightly as the bigger kids at kinder put the shoes on the littlies and obviously not very well. I now check that his shoes are on properly when I pick him up before walking home.

[Chabela]

So glad no one was hurt. I share your feelings about that animal instinct. I love how that "switch" got turned on inside of me when I became a mother. It gives me a sense of security to know that my body will work and react in any dangerous situation.

We have been dealing with mice in our house and my husband can't understand why I get so upset about it. The only way I could explain it to him was by telling him that there is overpowering feeling to protect and defend my kid that takes over me, just like other any animal who is protecting their offspring!

[chaser]

When J was a toddler he was riding a little kiddie car on the path that runs through the playground, and a teenager on a bike came hurtling down the path headed straight for him. I leapt into the path and scooped J out of the way - the teenager swerved to avoid us and wiped out on the bike - he was not wearing a helmet and lay there unmoving on the asphalt. There were five other adults there but NO ONE ELSE EVEN SAW THE GUY COMING. My peripheral vision kicked in and I responded before I even fully knew what was happening.

I am so grateful for my instinct, and at the same time I feel myself flinching at events that turn out to be nothing. it's a tough balance.

(The teenager rallied and appeared to be fine.)

[Alice]

For inzaburbs, or anyone who would like to strangthen your scream or improve on your instincts, I highly recommend looking for a good self-defense course, especially one focused on teaching women. I took self defense courses many years ago and have on several occasions felt as if it made a big difference in my ability to anticipate and avoid trouble and to act uncharacteristically when I felt threatened or was in danger. While some of us might find it easy to act when someone we love is in trouble, for those who have trouble doing this or who want to find out if they can react, a self-defense course gives you a chance to practice acting in unsafe situations, as well as giving you help determining what might be the most effective response. So even if you can't scream, you might be able to find another way to get attention and stop what is happening, as an example. Pleae avoid any course that tells you to use a weapon (gun, pepper spray, etc.) -- you want to be able to use what is available in the split second you have to react, just as Moxie did.

[hoho]

I've been thinking so much about the run ahead rule, as my 4 1/2 year old gets faster and faster. I like the building rule rather than the curb. I always think, what if he's too far ahead and I see something about to happen and he can't hear me?
I also want to ask you all and moxie how you take on the challenge of keeping your kids safe, telling them enough so they don't get into a stranger's car or walk off with someone, and yet not tell them so much that it scares the begeses (sp?) out of them? Right now we live in NYC as if we are living in Vermont and I sort of love that, but I don't want to be naive.

[wendy]

This discussion makes me glad that I'm a bit paranoid when crossing the street. I take a lot of flack from my husband about the fact that I always wait to make eye contact before I cross in front of a car- even though pedestrians have the right of way.

We had a real scare a few weeks ago in the parking lot to Target. I was loading the babies in the stroller. I had already put one in and then I took him around the other side in the stroller to upload his sis. While my head was in the car unbuckling her the person next to us started to back out of the spot (she must have gotten in fron the front because she couldn't have fit between my stroller and her car and she WASN'T there when I pulled in- I always check!). She was talking on her phone and somehow didn't notice the bright red double stroller right next to her driver's side door. She was turned around looking behind her when I screamed and kicked her window (I was standing on the running bd of my SUV.) If you could have seen her face... I think she though I'd lost my mind. She actually had the guts to roll down her window and ask me "what the f was my problem???" I couldn't even stammer and answer- the thought of my little boy being squished between the cars still haunts me.

[bim]

Haven't read the other comments, but another "rare guy who reads here and posts" time to post. A few years back, our kids had a melt down, typical post-activity moment of losing it once in a space of "only family" though of course still out in public. I took the elder, S, and walked her down the street, sobbing to herself. Poor kid. The younger, L, was happily sauntering along, until she decided to run down the opposite street sidewalk, make it to where I was standing with S, and then cross the street on her own. L was perhaps 2 1/2. She hit the curb, leapt off, ran into the street.

Mom. Shrieked. That. Sound.

I have never heard anything like it before. Afterward, she told me I made the same noise. Neither of us heard ourselves.

I ran into the intersection - cars be damned, they'll stop for me, more than for her. She stopped, just at the edge of the cars parked at the curb. By now, I was in the middle of the road, cars stopped on either side of me. I got her - carried her across the street - nearly threw up. My wife was standing by a tree, hyperventilating.

Sad thing is, now that L is on a "running bike" (no pedals), she is having serious problems with the whole curb rule. Christ, it's annoying. But slowly she learns, and having patience is what parenting means, and we still fear for her, over and over. The girl has no fear. It's insane. And we hope she outgrows it, someday.

[Charisse]

@hoho, this is on my mind a lot. With cars and things, I usually don't state the full extent of the danger (we could be killed) but make it bad enough so she knows it's serious. "If that car bumped you, it would hurt a whole lot". With strangers, I really like Penelope Leach's rule, which is that it's OK to talk to people, but you never, ever, ever, ever under any circumstances go anywhere with anybody (even people you know) without telling the adult currently in charge. So you don't leave home with mom without telling dad, you don't leave school with dad without officially telling the teacher, you don't go round the side yard without telling your friend's mom in the back yard.

And then of course, if you don't like someone, you don't have to talk to them. We've talked too about who can help you if a parent's not there. We haven't talked explicitly about snatching or molestation--I know what I'd want her to do, scream and run away, but I don't know how to explain the trigger without scaring her. Tough stuff--she's only 4 but I feel like those ideas need to be discussed soon. Would love suggestions.

[Jan]

@Charisse, I got SO MUCH out of the Protecting The Gift book. I use the stuff in there all the time. When I see a stranger, I let my mind wonder whether he seems safe or not, and if not, why not? As my kids get older (4 and 2 1/2), we'll all do this. I do NOT make my kids talk to people that make them uncomfortable. My almost-4 year old knows my cell phone number and to find a Mommy with kids and say to her, "I can't find my Mommy. I know her phone number -- will you help me call her?" We practice it.

He recommends talking to kids about the dangers of going off with a stranger just like other dangers. It's the adults that are Freaked.Out. about it -- to the kid it's just one of many dangers in the world, you know? (FWIW, he says to teach your kids to not just scream if a stranger tries to take them, but to specifically scream, "THIS IS NOT MY DAD". The specific is easier to remember AND passersby are less likely to think they're just a kid having a tantrum because his daddy wouldn't buy him the latest Pokemon.)

It's a really amazing book. Very empowering, though I expected to find it kind of scary. (I'm a capital-W Worrier) He isn't afraid to talk about the really bad stuff that could happen, but his basic contention is that it HARDLY EVER happens with no warning whatsoever. And he teaches you how to recognize the warning signs.

I've had a few near-misses in parking lots and I'm always amazed at how the driver has the balls to shoot me a dirty look (or FLIP ME OFF) when they're the one that almost flattened me and my kid.

[Amy]

My 6 yr old shut herself in a locker at school on Friday night while at a cub scout function with her dad and older brother. It's unclear how long she was trapped (she shut herself in there planning to jump out and scare a friend), but she cut up her hands and feet trying to kick open the door, wet herself in terror, and was in there long enough to take a break from screaming to suck her thumb to comfort herself. Her dad estimates she was in there about 10 minutes. I'm thinking that if she got tired of screaming and resorted to the thumb, it was longer. The thought of her in there terrified makes me want to throw up. Not because she was in any real danger in the locker. But because *she* thought she was in danger of being left forever... and as a mommy I don't want my children to know terror (healthy fear, yes... sheer terror, no). Ugh, it still makes me want to vomit.

[Jen @ amazingtrips]

A few weeks ago, we were at a local park. Just me, my three-year-old triplets, (not yet) 10-month old infant, my 77-year old father with advanced Parkinson's, my sister and 7-yo nephew. Out of the blue, two unleashed pit bulls came running over - jumped all over the kids before we could pick two of them up - and pinned one of my three-year-olds. Paws on his back, mouth around his neck.

Long story short, I kicked the living hell out of the dog that was on my little boy and verbally ripped the owners a couple new ones. I called 911, filed a report, and now have a surplus of pepper spray should something like this EVER happen again.

Now, even though their dogs were on MY children, the owner was defensive and threatened ME to a fight. Funny enough, if he'd come at me (a typically non-violent mom with four children?? the nerve of some people!!) I have no doubt I would have done some serious damage. A mother's adrenalin is powerful stuff.

Regardless, I couldn't sleep for almost a week because the vision of what COULD have happened would not leave my mind.

I'm glad you are safe.

[Jen @ amazingtrips]

To Wendy:

Regarding loading and unloading multiple babies >> one thing that really worked for us is to park our car next to one of the cart corrals at the store. You know, where you return shopping carts. That way, we had one side totally protected from someone parking next to us, and we could roll our triplet stroller in the cart corral (or next to it, because we could take up a little more space) and unload the children, knowing that they were (relatively) safe from parking lot traffic.

It is SO scary when you've got multiple babies that you are trying to load in to a car in a parking lot, and you are on your own. I would have small scale panic attacks every time I took our triplets out by myself until only recently...

[Julie]

I think the thing that amazes me so much after becoming a mom is how moms not only look out for their own kids, but also everyone else's kids too. How many times have I caught a kid off the play gym at the park while his mom struggles to run in the sand to get there on time? Or helped a kid with his sweatshirt if his mom is occupied with the baby? It's just a wonderful by-product of being a mom.....we look out for our kids first, but really anyone under five feet is fair game for supervision and care. I love the "go find a mommy with kids and ask her to call your mommy" rule. I wish all of our society valued children as much as parents in our society do. It would really help with long plane rides if nothing else.
:)

[Tracy]

Moms truly become the protectors of all children. It's nice to know we've got each other's backs.

Last week, the bear and I were shopping in a pretty big dept store. A lady came up to us and in broken english said she couldnt find her little boy. We found him in about 2 minutes. But can you imagine her fear-- didnt speak the language, prob a tourist here in Orlando, so prob didnt know the area. YIKES.
Yet she asked me for help because I was a mom. Her instinct told her the person most likely to help was another mom.

[Melba]

Thank goodness you and the boys are all ok, Moxie.

I have a good scream reflex too. Very primal, desperate sounding, throaty scream. I've never had to do it with the Munchkin (but I imagine that once she's walking and more independent that might change as I'm not the kind of parent to have a hand on her at all times - I'm more of the "go explore and learn" type). But I've done it twice with the dog. Once with a car (and it worked, driver heard me) and once with a bear (yes, she was attacked by a bear and lived to tell the tale, and responded to my screaming her name to get her to run away (because she was actually fighting the bear and being quite agressive), which maybe wasn't so smart because she could have brought the angry bear back to me... but I guess the bear had better things to do that day).

I'm really glad I can scream on instinct like that. There are countless ways that can help you out. And I too also have those times where I'm laying in bed thinking "how would I get everyone out if I had to? What if someone broke in? Would I survive the fall from my window? Would Munchkin?"

[peanut]

oh no I am scared now as I have a very deep voice and have had since I was tiny - my Ma said it caused much mirth - yeah thanks Ma! Anyway I can't scream?? I have tried at theme parks and it just sounds like a roar! Do you think that would stop a car - it would make them laugh probably - a roaring Mother of 5ft 4!
Moxie - Thank God for your glass breaking scream - you can be SURE that driver lost a some sleep over what could of happened..
Amy - OMG a pitbull???????? Scary. Well done - you managed to kick a pitbull off?? You must have scared it with your wild Mama attack! Thank Goodness - those dogs are banned in the UK after some horrific stories related to kids.

[liz]

Holy shit, Moxie! I'm so glad that you got the guy to stop.

[Betsy Bethel-McFarland]

This is my first visit to this site. I'm glad I found it! (Found it while doing search about ppd and weaning -- so glad to know I'm not alone!)

Re: this post, I am always amazed at my maternal instincts, which I never thought I had, until, duh, I became a mom. Instincts aside, though, I highly recommend Gavin deBecker's book (mentioned by Moxie); as well as the Yello Dyno safety program and founder Jan Wagner's book "Raising Safe Kids in an Unsafe World."