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Comments

paola

Moxie, does this kids' toothpaste have flouride in it? Here in Europe there has been a huge hoohaa recently about the effect of flouride on developing teeth. Doctors here recommend no toothpaste till 3 years old as children tend to swallow most of it (65% apparently)as they still do not have complete control of swallowing, and from 3 years toothpastes with a maximum of 500ppm of flouride. In Italy the labeling laws haven't caught up with the EU guidelines so it is unclear how much flouride is in toothpastes here. However pediatricians usually suggest a mere smear on the toothbrush for taste for (3-6 y.o)until they are over 6 when they can go nuts on how much toothpaste they use.

Linda

Moxie, did you find that the sunscreen's barrier caused blemishes or any other kind of reaction? With my combination and sensitive skin, I am having a tough time finding a sunscreen (or make-up, for that matter) that works, is not chock-full of chemicals, and that breathes enough. Does a product like this actually exist??

Jess

Great info. Any thoughts on the best sunscreen for kids and babies though? I have an 11 month old.

rudyinparis

I finally found a sunscreen/moisterizer for my combo/sensitive skin... it's a Mary kay product, actually, and it's called... um... Day Treatment or something. I like it.

As for lip gloss--the best is lanolin! I never used it when nursing but somehow discovered it's amazing capabilities as a lip gloss. It's never sticky and it softens, softens, softens. Great for Younger's often chapped cheeks, too.

Maria Wood

Last year I liked the Badger Balm kids' sunscreen - it was rated safest by the Environmental Working Group's cosmetics database, and seemed to work well.

hedra

Well, I'm currently trying to figure out how I can get a compounding pharmacy to make a mouth rinse that has NO xylitol in it for the kids. It's super at zapping the oral bacteria, but it is also a polyol that can cause my kids huge amounts of distress. Sigh. Nice to see the note on fluoride amounts recommended, that was one of my questions - how much flouride SHOULD be in there?

So, no luck on that. And I can't tolerate mica (my skin seems to rash up), or natural brown pigments (extra especially willow, to which I'm allergic), so... total blow-out on the recommendations today (other than the gloss). Sigh.

enu

Moxie says "I'm anal about sunscreen." So I'm thinking, she's got the concept a little mixed up ;-)

SarcastiCarrie

For kids' sunscreen, I like Blue Lizard from Australia, available on amazon and at drugstore.com. Get either the Baby formula or the Sensitive Skin formula.
Rash Boy's superpower is being able to turn red and bumpy from merely getting his sunscreen applied with the same hands that applied someone else's Banana Boat or Water Babies suncreen. Blue Lizard has not caused any problems with rashing or bumping. It's white, waterproof, and doesn't rub in great, but unlike chemical suncreens, it is effective from the minute you put it on. You do not need to wait a half hour for it to absorb in, so if you are already outside when you apply it (and I recommend that because it is white, greasy, and doesn't rub in (and there is a face-shaped white stain on my blue couch)) you are protected as soon as it hits the skin.

Liza

I have severe photoallergic reactions to chemical sunscreens, and most of the body-appropriate physical sunscreens are nasty on the face, so thank you so much for this recommendation!

BTW, for the rest of the body, I recommend VaniCream Sport SPF 35. The non-sport VaniCreams (SPF 30 & 60) come off if you sweat, reducing their value at places like the beach.

Abacaxi Mamao

Moxie, Can you recommend a toothpaste for adults that contains xylitol? I prefer mint-flavored with no sparkles.

Sunscreen--thanks for the tip! I was allergic to chemical sunscreens for years, and am no longer allergic, but am used to the benefits of physical barrier sunscreens--happy to hear of anything that will work on my zit-prone face.

Also, not to scare you all, but I recently read a few news reports about the dangers of using SPF-less lip gloss. Here's MSNBC's version. So maybe put something containing sunscreen on either over or under the regular lipgloss?

anon

I need some help today. Last night my child woke up and had a half-awake tantrum and I slapped her, hard. I feel sick today. I'm sorry to hijack here, but I feel like I can't even think and I feel sick with myself. How can I make it right with her?

Charisse

I'm a big fan of the Neutrogena Dry-Touch Extra Sheer line, which doesn't cause even my husband, who has pretty oily skin, to break out. On other product notes, I see the ad from Vincent shoes--they are AWESOME!! Mouse beats the heck out of shoes in her 1-2 miles a day plus playground time, and the couple pairs of Vincents we've had stand up to that, handle weather, and look just adorable in the process.

michelle

Hi. i thought i read somewhere (maybe paula begon) that mineral powder makeup doesn't give true spf protection.
THe mary kay product that Rudy mentioned is simply called "Tinted Moisturizer with SPF 20". oil-free, uva/uvb protection with hint of color (6 colors). safe for sensitive skin and won't clog pores. i usually recommend this under our mineral powder foundation ($18 +10 brush) for true sunscreen protection. we also have an SPF 30 suncreen for your body and spf 15 lip protector.

caramama

I have been looking for unflavored, flouride-free, dye-free toothpaste for the baby. The closest I've gotten is Gerber's and Tom's which are flavored but good about the other things. I'll have to check this toothpaste out!

Anyone have goot hippy deoderant recommendations? Tom's is just not gonna do it for me (I found out yesterday after sitting in the sun for a while). Someone recommended Burt's Bees spray Herbal Deodorant to me, but I haven't tried it yet. Any other recommendations with no parabals or aluminum or all that stuff?

anon - I'm so sorry things are so rough. Please try to forgive yourself and move forward. I'm not very eloquent today, but I did find a link to a previous post that Moxie did that talks to a similar situation: http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2007/08/qa-smacking-the.html And here's another post where we talk about unresolved issues and how to change our behaviors. I hope it helps: http://www.askmoxie.org/2008/04/more-on-tapping.html

JB

@ enu, yeah isn't that supposed to be where the sun don't shine?

anon2

@anon,
My emotional regulation at 3-4 AM is very, very poor so I understand. One night i shouted right in his face "just sleeeeeep!" which resulted in more screaming. mostly though I just stagger between my room and his saying "I wish I were dead. I want to die." in daylight I feel stupid. I have no rational thoughts at that hour so I resort to mantras "One more minute. One more minute."

SarcastiCarrie

Tooth cleanser for Kids/Babies...I guess I'll be a shill for Big Business since I have been pretty happy with Oral B's Baby Tooth and Gum Cleanser. It's clear (slightly yellow-colored but totally see-through). Has no fluoride, no saccharin, no artificial colors, no preservatives, is non-foaming, and contains xylitol for germ-killing action. It has a mild fruity flavor, and I have used it. I didn't care for it for me, because I like something that is so strong with the mint flavor that your eyes water. It is available at places like Target (and amazon) so you can go and read the label and see whether it meets your requirements.
INGREDIENTS:Sorbitol, Glycerin, Water, Hydrated Silica, Propylene Glycol, Xylitol, Xanthan Gum, Fruit Flavor, Calcium Lactate.

kelli

We were using Alba Botanicals Mineral Sunscreen for quite a while, but they changed the formulation & the instructions (apply 15-30 minutes before going in the sun).

We were influenced by Consumer Reports' review to try Neutrogena Dry-Touch. Great stuff!

Slim

~anon: What was this morning like? When you apologized, how did she react? How old is she?

And do you have someone you can talk to IRL?

anon

I was able to talk to her on the phone... after it happened last night, I put her in bed with me and we cuddled and she drifted right off. I couldn't go back to sleep.

But when I spoke with her on the phone, I said "Do you remember being upset last night?" And she said "When you smacked in the face?" She's 4.

I kind of have a person to talk to IRL and made the call this morning.

hedra

@anon, glad you have someone to talk to.

When I blow it, I have a few options. All start with apologizing and asking for forgiveness. No matter how old the child is, I can admit that what I did was inexcusable, and register my regret, *and* tell them that I have a plan (or how I'm formulating a plan) for how to never do that again. (Which IMHO is essential to apologies - along with making sure I state what I did wrong, which is a) reminder to me that I did it, and b) makes sure that they know I'm apologizing for the thing that upset them, rather than dodging by saying something like 'I'm sorry I got angry' or 'I'm sorry I didn't react well to your hairy fit' or 'I'm sorry I was tired', none of which apply.)

And that means I have to actually *have* a plan for how to never do that again.

The hardest part of the plan for never doing that again is actually figuring out how to spot myself locking up in the same dang tantrum the child is having, just on my side. Strangely enough, the book The Explosive Child was a HUGE eye opener for ME. Because it talks about how the ability to stop ourselves when we're locking up emotionally (losing intentional mental control of our actions, pretty much) is a SKILL, and it requires a few things - 1) Help identifying the symptoms of the lockup before they happen, 2) encouragement through the process of skill-building the calming-down process before we hit full lock-up, and 3) time to work those skills.

Funny, my own insta-freak/mommy-tantrum has the same exact signs as my kids insta-freak/kid-tantrums. They didn't have the skills to calm themselves down, and I didn't have the skills to calm MYSELF down, and so I didn't have any idea of how to teach them the skills to calm themselves down, and around we went. Understanding that the ability to get calm under pressure is a SKILL SET, and one we just expect people to grow without teaching it is a huge huge huge first step. It isn't a personal failing, character flaw, or proof of our unworthiness, it is just something that we were not taught how to do, and so don't know how to do.

Now, that said, PPD is a huge factor, sleep deprivation is a huge factor, nutrition is a huge factor... so I have to be on my supplements HARD, daily, or I get back to snap-city. Even a whif of PPD, and my stress level escalates to where I cannot cope very well with anything, and I'm pulling on all my skills just to not scream at anyone. When I'm on my supplements, yelling (at least in the scary unexpected zero-to-fury way that happens randomly when I'm PPD-ish) is much less common, and even when it does happen, there's something different (less 'bad') about it that the kids can feel - I know because if I lose my temper when I'm on the supplements, my kids will come back RIGHT away with 'I didn't like how you spoke to me, I felt X when you yelled' instead of just avoiding me. They still make the effort immediately to relate back to me. So... well, worth the supplements even if I'm still imperfect at spotting when I'm starting to lock up. Get the book, it's a great place to start dealing with the skills we didn't get growing up.

Check in on the PPD front, seriously. Even a touch of PPD plus parenthood is a huge challenge, and parenthood is already a huge challenge!

(BTW, G followed me around for four HOURS, saying 'you HIT me. Mommy, you hit me! YOU HIT ME. We don't HIT. Hitting HURTS. Mommy, you hit me!'... FOUR HOURS, with me apologizing, and him expressing every flavor and nuance of his emotional and intellectual reaction to that event until he finally got it all out. He'd bit me, hard, and my reaction to unexpected pain is to hit... and frankly, exhaustion plus screaming tantrum counts as intolerable pain, sometimes.)

Julie

Good excuse to go to Sephora this afternoon. Yippee!

Moxie, with the powder, I have had a problem because powder seems to seep into my little wrinkles around my eyes and make me look a bit dried out (read: older) than when I use a cream-based sunscreen. Have you noticed any of that with this powder?

anon, go easy on yourself. It happens to the best of moms during the worst of times. And if she was willing to climb into bed with you and fall right to sleep she is probably fine. Follow up with lots of conversations, but be prepared to have it be a hot topic of conversation ("Mommy, remember when you hit me last week?") for a while. It's a good opportunity to open up that dialogue about how everyone loses their temper and how important it is to talk about our feelings instead of just act on them. Teachable moment for you and for her.

Anna

Caramama-I have been on the natural deodorant path for a while, and we have a joke in our house that all our deodorants come with an authentic sweat-like fragrance, conveniently making your own sweat redundant and unnecesary. I can vouch for Weleda Sage Deodorant, though. I use this for odor and then every couple nights in the summer apply some hardcore Certain Dri for my excessive sweating problem.

I was using mineral makeup over Neutrogena Dry Touch on my face--a great combo for even my oily, acne-prone skin--but got kind of freaked out my the Environmental Working Group's high toxicity rating for the Dry Touch in their cosmetic safety database. They did a sunscreen study (http://skindeep.ewg.org/special/sunscreens/summary.php)

Anon--I am so sorry and am thinking of you. There have been a couple nights that I lost it in ways I am not proud of. I think, as Hedra says, an authentic explanation/apology/plan is key.

SarcastiCarrie

That Environmental Working Group page has me a little freaked out.

Does anyone know the name of that product that you put in your laundry and it turns all your clothes into SPF clothing for 30 washes? I remember it was only $3-5 and it could do an entire load. I thought about buying it and doing our summer clothes with it. But now, I can't remember what it is called so I can't buy it. Oh, I just found it at amazon. It's called RIT Sun Guard Laundry Treatment UV Protectant. Six 1-ounce packets (each do one load) are selling for $20. Much cheaper than that UV protectant clothing you can buy through the over-protective mother catalogue.

paola

@caramama,

Hi me again (wrote a post to you re: fertility charting on other topic). Crystal Alum is a great alternative to commercially produced deodorants. Here you can even find it in supermarkets, don't know about the US. I used it for years and the principle is that it actually cleans out the pores that contain the bacteria that produce the odour. Now I don't use anything, unless I have to meet people of course and then it's just a quick armpit rinse, and no one has ever complained that I'm stinky ( and I really don't stink, trully). It's also great for de-stinking feet- same idea.

Aaron

@caramama

The store "Lush" carries a crystal deodorant that is good. I'm not sure if the store is only CDN or not though.
The other option is a crystal deodorant from a company called Norwex. If you google it you should be able to find their website and a consultant in your area. If you are into Enviromentally safe cleaning products and personal care products Norwex is the thing for you. Check it out - I swear by the stuff.

caramama

Thanks, guys! I will look into all of those!

shirky

i dunno about 'cleans out pores' but aluminum sulfate (aka alum) would work the same way the rest of the aluminum salts (commercial antiperspirants) work: it contracts tissue.

erins

I'm super pasty-faced. I once had a cosmetics counter turn me away by telling me they usually only developed foundations for people who made it out into the sun every once in a while. Apparently freckle-faced redheads are the equivalent of vampires to the kind folks at Saks.

I adore Dermalogica's chemical-free sunblock - Super Sensitive Faceblock SPF30. Again, it's on the expensive side, but it just smells so natural and feels so good on my skin. They also make one with a tint (called Ultrasensitive and with an spf of 25), but it might be a little dark for those of us who dare only leave our under the cover of night.

robin

@caramama - I get my all-natural deo from etsy, search for the seller called Sugar Lips. She uses some kind of enzyme and my pits have never smelled better. It doesn't really help with perspiration but it smells really great (I have the lemon sugar scent) Another to try is called Aroma Creme from Lush, this works great too and it did help my perspiration as well as smelled great.

@anon - I am sorry for your bad night. I definitely think Hedra's advice is spot-on. My problem usually isn't that I direct my anger toward my son, but I have really let my husband have it during the night.

shayneegray

I'm pasty pale (skin from my red-head dad) and I had my first skin cancer removed at 30 (I'm 37 now). Yay. Needless to say, sunscreen has been crucial to me for more than two decades--and yes, I still developed a small skin cancer even when using sunscreen. I just wanted to share my love of Keys Solar RX sunblock for everyday wear. It's natural and doesn't leave my skin looking shiny, as many other brands have.

statia

I've been looking for both a sunscreen and a kids toothpaste. I was kind of annoyed when I found out that Tom's had SLS in it, but I'm also kind of anal about flouride too, in that, for a toddler, who is still growing teeth, I think he needs it. As for sunscreen, It makes me claustrophobic when sunscreen (and most are) is too heavy on my face.

paola

In relation to what I mentioned earlier, too much flouride ingestion can lead to dental flourosis (see www.fluoridealert.org/dental-fluorosis.htm for some graphic illustrations of the condition). As flouride is present in tap water and a host of other products including processed cereals, mechanically deboned chicken, tea, soda, and juice, and children are otften given regular flouride supplements, flouride in toothpaste just adds to the glut that is already ingested daily.

"Virtually all authors have noted that some children could ingest more fluoride from dentrifice alone than is recommended as a total daily fluoride ingestion." - Levy SM, Guha-Chowdhury N. (1999). Total fluoride intake and implications for dietary fluoride supplementation. Journal of Public Health Dentistry 59: 211-23.

Kate

Can someone tell me what's wrong with SLS in toothpaste? I have been using Tom's of Maine fluoride free for my kids for years (my older one, at almost 4, is finally getting the concept of how to spit instead of swallow). Is this another thing to feel like a bad mother about?

Kate

PS WRT to sunscreen, my derm recommended Blue Lizard (especially for in and out of the water), but I haven't gotten around to getting it yet for my kids. When my daughter was a baby I used Nature's Gate, but now I have 2 very very pale kids (2-3 sunscreen applications per day, more if they get wet) and for now am going with the Target house brand.

@ statia, I know exactly what you mean. I like Neutrogena Ultra Sheer dry-touch sunblock. I have awful skin, and this doesn't make it any worse ;-) -- and it feels very light.

anon

Just want to say thanks to those that helped me out yesterday. Hedra, I requested The Explosive Child from the library.

My daughter and I had a serious talk when I picked her up. I apologized for hitting her (I was tempted to dance around what happened but then decided not to bs--the truth is, I had hit her, period.) And I told her it was never, ever okay for anyone to hit her. Not me, not anyone.

Interestingly, help also came to me unexpectedly from a coworker and my MIL. I feel like I can move on now.

Thanks again. I really needed the support yesterday.

yet another Jen

I lurve sunscreen talk because I am a big palefaced nerd. I was so thrilled to try the mineral powder one, but I'm interested that Moxie found it odorless, because mine smelled like the floor of a mechanic's garage. I also never felt convinced it was covering adequately. Thank goodness for Sephora's liberal return policy. Now I am using Murad Age-Proof Suncare SPF 30. It was expensive at $30 from Sephora, but since it's an 8-oz tube and I mostly only use it on my face I feel like it's a wicked bargain. It is a chemical blocker but the only one I have found that doesn't irritate my skin. And it's water-resistant!!! I find most physical blockers are not, which is no good since I sweat a lot. Plus this sunscreen smells fab and makes me happy every day when I put it on. It doesn't have SLS but it does have parabens. What can you do. Anyway, that's my plug. Here's to a sunburn-free summer for all of us.

chemist mama

I'd recommend against zinc or titanium powders as sunscreens. It seems like they might have nano particles, and inhalation is a greater toxicity concern for these particles than absorption through skin. If you are going to use them, please check with the manufacturer about the particle size. If they are micro or nanoscale I'd recommend avoiding them!

jenelle

Hi Moxie,
I really like your site and have found some of your advice very useful. Please, Please though don't just say natural mica as if it is better because it is natural. Arsenic and uranium are natural too. I'm sure that inert rock flakes are better than the chemical glitter but because it's inert rock, not because it's natural. Sorry, minor rant.

Sunshine1027

Hi Moxie,

i'm so glad you mentioned the difference between physical and chemical sunscreens. (i too am a little anal about ingredients). I use a paraben free, petro free, fragrance free, phthalate free mineral sunscreen from trukid called sunny days..love this sunscreen. it's user-friendly for my whole family =D

Virginia Dolder

I too discovered TruKid and have literally fallen in love! My daughter has extremely sensitive skin that has been irritated by almost all sunscreens; the ones that haven't have either been difficult to apply or smelled "funky" according to her (California Baby). The light smell of the TruKid sunscreen (scented with natural essential oils- I checked) is pleasant and my daughter loves it! The face stick has become my personal favorite- it's so easy for me to just rub that over her face and we're out the door!

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I really like your site and have found some of your advice very useful. Please, Please though don't just say natural mica as if it is better because it is natural. Arsenic and uranium are natural too. I'm sure that inert rock flakes are better than the chemical glitter but because it's inert rock, not because it's natural. Sorry, minor rant.

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My daughter and I had a serious talk when I picked her up. I apologized for hitting her (I was tempted to dance around what happened but then decided not to bs--the truth is, I had hit her, period.) And I told her it was never, ever okay for anyone to hit her. Not me, not anyone.

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I love all of thos too. especially the tooth paste. Trukid is great stuff too. I got some when picking up my kids child shin guards

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Well, I'm currently trying to figure out how I can get a compounding pharmacy to make a mouth rinse that has NO xylitol in it for the kids. It's super at zapping the oral bacteria, but it is also a polyol that can cause my kids huge amounts of distress.

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  • My expertise is in helping people be who they want to be, with a specialty in how being a parent fits into everything else. I like people. I like parents. I think you're doing a fantastic job. The nitty-gritty of what you do with your kids is up to you, although I'm happy to post questions here to get data points of how you could try approaching different stages, because, let's face it, this shit is hard. As for me, I have two kids who sleep through the night and can tie their own shoes. I've been a married SAHM, a married freelance WAHM, a divorcing WOHM, a divorced WOHM, and now a WAHM again. I'm not buying the Mommy Wars and I'll come sit next to you no matter how you're feeding your kid. When in doubt, follow the money trail. And don't believe the hype.
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