It's Primal Scream Wednesday

Having huge friend crisis (friend is having crisis, not crisis between us) that makes me realize that people can be mean. Really pointlessly mean.

And about a million other stressors of big and small varieties.

Post your stress here!

Comments

[Christine]

My dog is dying but taking her time about it. Every time I prep my son for the euthanasia, she rallies.

After a solid year of pushing for proper evaluations for Max, I finally got a referral to a doctor who should be able to tell us whether or not he's autistic. The appointment is in February 2009. Stressing about the amount of intervention he's going to miss in the meantime.

Preschool. Seriously, I have nightmares about it.

@DC Ranger - I'm glad I'm not the only one with that experience with zoloft. It sucks.

[Shandra]

Wow, I am thinking of so many of you!

My major stressor right now is work stuff I don't want to stick on a blog, but it's not really under my control.

Other than that I just wish my house were cleaner. :)

[flea]

Gosh, what a mix of big painful things, small-but-mouting-up-until-you-explode-things, and hilarious things (provided your own child is not the one humping the neighbors).

I am stressed about: buying a house, being poor (er than everyone we know for the last 6 years), being rich (er soon when mr. flea starts his job but how will this change things?), getting a mortgage, money in general, consumer society, my mother coming to visit very soon, having a third child because my body is shouting in big letters "you are ovulating today!!", financial paperwork at work, a search committee at work, my daughter being stressed out (at 4! poor mite, her genetic heritage, all my fault), my husband finishing his dissertation, getting dinner on the table...

But then I watched a video of retro Sesame Street with John-John counting, and that helped.

[SarcastiCarrie]

For those with marital issues: I read a book called "Babyproofing Your Marriage". Basically, this tells you to give your husband a certain thing that rhymes with snow blob so that he will help out around the house. I went through exhaustive testing of this, and it is true. Men who get more snow blobs give more dishwasher unloading and baby bathing. It also tells you that you are not crazy, it really is hard and you will most likely survive and flourish if you can just hold on a couple more years. There was one sentence in the whole book that made it worth it for me though and it went something like this: In a survey of people those who considered their marriages seriously damaged, if they just held on and stayed together, had levels of happiness comparable to everyone else five years later. So, 5 years seems like a long time, but marriage is tough and you just need to hang in there. I'm no marriage expert as I read this book because I would have considered my marriage seriously damaged at the time, but it's true. I hung on and now, 15 months later, I have marital satisfaction equal to others who did not go through the rough patch.

[Melba]

I was getting all ready to start listing my stressors (and there are a few things that keep me up at night, not including my daughter), but I read through the comments first and some of you are dealing with some pretty difficult stuff and it really put things into perspective for me.

No one in my life (people or pets) is critically ill or died recently, we aren't rich but have the money situation under control, and my husband and child and me are a pretty happy family. Life's not perfect but it's still pretty good.

I don't mean to say that I'm glad for everyone else's strife - I really do hope that everyone finds a way to pull through and get on top of whatever is going wrong, no matter how big or small.

I'm just really glad for this post because it is sometimes easy to dwell on my problems (I catch myself in "woe is me" mode a lot, even when the problem really isn't that bad) and this post helped me put things in perspective so I can be gratefull for the good things in life that I'm lucky enough to have.

[Cathy]

So sorry to hear about the breast cancer.

Happy Birthday to the birthdayers (there were a couple today and in the near future).

DH and I caught the sinus gunk that the baby and the 5 year old have. Leaving me more tired and impatient than usual.

The baby decided she needed to wake up early this morning so she could teach herself to crawl. cutest thing ever. But it could have waited until 7.

The big girl had her kindy intro/tour/pancake breakfast this morning. She thought it was neat. I did something goofy, where I thought she was being goofy and hanging on the stroller so I kind of pulled her along, but really something was going on with her shoe. Not one of my finer mommy moments. (I blame being tired and grouchy).

Middle school sucks. But, on the plus side, the hard work is paying off - the boy got an 87 on his algebra test - a class where he's spent most of the year thinking he wasn't capable. Really, it just took doing the work and having someone explain it a second time, if you need to hear it a second time.

Caught up in Boy Scout Troop committee foolishness w.r.t. health forms and summer camp. Argh. But that looks like the foolishness is mostly resolved, and we're on to plain old bookkeeping.

[Bobbi]

@SarcastiCarrie....just spit my pop out...snow blob...bwahahaha!!....

Um, for the record, I have always told my husband that the more he helps me, the more, um, snow blobs he gets. Sometimes reminding is necessary, but it usually works in my favor...but in reverse of what your book said to do.

[Bobbi]

And thanks for the laugh, btw, needed that...

[meggiemoo]

@SarcastiCarrie..."snow blob" just about had me spitting my drink all over my laptop. LOL

[JB]

@bmom -- my heart goes out to you. You and your family are in my prayers. We adopted from China just before those new rules were instituted -- if we'd been a year later, we would have been ruled out on that basis (and probably others, too, since my husband has a chronic illness.)

@Shannon -- I don't know if bmom is referring to China, but at least in Chinese culture there is a STRONG bias against mental illness. Therapy is a sign of mental disease, which is like weakness and contagion and horror and letting people down, all at once. They don't want to let their kids into that kind of situation. If you thought that way about it, you wouldn't either. But it absolutely kills for Americans, so many of whom (especially infertile people) have had therapy.

I am thinking of so many of you. Peace.

[m]

Husband is out of town for a week so my folks are here to help. Had one huge blowout the first night and although things are getting better, my mom can't follow simple instructions that she writes down herself! This was about the diaper laundry, and really not hard to do, but she screwed it up. I wouldn't be so upset if I had a normal sleep last night, but Son One woke up around 1am with a nightmare. I didn't hear him at first. My mom went in to help, but gave up quickly and brought him into my room which woke Son Two. I didn't get them both back to sleep until just before 3am. Then Son Two (who is almost 3 months) kept waking to nurse much more often than normal. I feel like a freaking zombie today. I Just Need Sleep! Oh and money. Don't even get me started on money!

AHHHH.....that actually feels better. Thanks, Moxie!

[Lara]

@hedra
your wicked mystery vine sounds like smilax:
http://www.walterreeves.com/landscaping/article.phtml?cat=10&id=418 - more on wikipedia.

Sorry not to have suggestions for everyone - other than to tie a knot in the end of your rope and hang on as best you can.

[A]

Lost all the pregnancy weight by the time the baby was 4 months old. Its now 9 months later and I'm back up to what I weighed 6 months pregnant.

[ada]

omg....snow blobs?!?! Seriously? We've come to that in order to get them to chip in? So freaking depressing to me. WHY WHY WHY do they get congratulated and rewarded for doing regular chores?? I certainly don't see them doing that for us.

Sorry, just me being VERY cynical about this topic. I absolutely *hate* the fact that everyone says how great my husband is because he does housework. Which he does. And he is great. Really wonderful actually. However, I still do 75% of the housework, and work full-time. So why does he get the kudos from my family, friends, his friends, etc?? I'm not bitter towards him personally (well maybe just a leetle-tiny bit) but the whole way society views this. It drives me ape-sh*t.

However, I like Bobbi's suggestion of getting the work first, then rewarding with a snow blob. Afterall, I would like more help around the house. I may resort to this tactic.

[Melba]

@SarcastiCarrie, did the book happen to mention whether... er... land blobs could be as effective as snow blobs? You see, I have tmj disorder (this part is not a joke - my jaw is locked shut (physical dislocation of the meniscus) when I wake up every morning and I have severe craniofacial pain as a result. Ack. Oops this is one of the stressors I said I wouldn't talk about in my last post. oh well.)

Anyway I have never actually verbally told my husband that said land blob or other similar "act of kindness" would be in direct exchange for specific household chores but I may just try to use that one to get the bloody garage cleaned out (another stressor not mentioned in last post).

[Mommy-O]

It would be great to make the primal scream a weekly event. What a great way to get over the hump.

Surprisingly, I have no complaints at this moment. Of course, DH and DD aren't home yet so we still have a whole evening to get through.

My 5 mo won't let me put him down which completely overwhelms me most days but today it just feels nice to be loved and needed so much.

We are getting a spring rain here and it feels so peaceful and cleansing.

If anyone wants to borrow my scream until I need it, you are welcome to it. I'm thinking of you all.

[SarcastiCarrie]

Melba - Oh yes, land blobs are fine too as is regular old rhymes-with-hecks.

ada - It's not actually a quid pro quo system of snow blobs for vaccuuming, where points are awarded for certain behaviors or anything. It's more of a "I'd have more time for hecks if I didn't have so much to do."

[robin]

would it be wrong to make a chore chart for my husband with gold stars that are redeemable for snow blobs/land blobs/rhymes-with-hecks? That sounds like a fun creative project! Thanks for the smile - I really needed it today!

[ada]

@sarcasticarrie

Ah-hah!! I really, really, REALLY like *that* idea! "I'd have more time for sex if I didn't have so much to do." One of the things I tried to do in the last 60-day challenge was have more sex w/ my husband. This may just be the way to get the house clean and get laid, all at the same time. :)

I guess I was just venting my current stresses. Trying to keep a house reasonably clean while taking care of a 8mo old, working full time, and helping my aging parents finish up a huge home improvment job that my father is no longer able to do.

And I really do mean "reasonably clean." I am certainly not a neat freak. But there are tufts of cat fur lying around on the carpet that are big enough for the baby to crawl over to and EAT!! I draw the line.

And yes, one solution would be to hire a housecleaner. But I have another stress similar to others....money.

[robin]

One last thing that's stressing me out...mother's day. I am 110% sure that my husband will not remember/plan anything/mention it at all. This is my first mother's day as a mother myself and I am stressed about anticipating disappointment. Sad, but true.

[epeepunk]

Wait - I could be getting snow blobs for getting up at 4 to run laundry and the dishwasher? Why didn't anyone tell me! ;)

My stress - I failed one of my sections for the ARE (architect's registration exam - the big deal one) so I have to take it over, and I feel like a failure - having never failed a major test like this before. Of course, I've never taken tests like this before either.

And I'm feeling like a failure at work - screwing things up for my manager (Kevin), who's leaving somewhat nasty notes on his markups. And I can't afford to get fired, and that's what I'm afraid will happen, and more self-doubt and around I go.

What's funny is that I find that if Kevin and I don't have a little bit of chat each day, then I feel distant from him, and uncertain of how he's feeling. It's like we're married, in a scary way. And he wouldn't take well to the suggestion that we have a date to reconnect. :0

And not a land blob in sight ...

[Mommy-O]

@ada - same here! My husband is also great for many reasons the least of which is that he helps clean, cook and look after the kids. I realize that I am fortunate because many of my friends don't get any help from their husbands BUT I resent it when people say, "Oh isn't he a good daddy" because he walks the kids around the block or looks after them so I can go out.

Although I have to admit, snow blobs and land blobs show more control than shrieking.

[Beth]

Haven't read all the posts but...wow. Wow. People are dealing with so much. I kind of knew I was living a blessed, easy life but now I'm certain of it. I know things can change at any minute so I'm just trying to be grateful.
Strength and grace to all of you who are handling SO much. I am amazed.

[Jill]

Little Kid is undergoing lots of tests which may or may not show something serious.

Trying to sell our house, get ready to move and begin full time school in the fall.

Trying to buy a car.

In trying to ready our car for trade-in, discovered bank never released the lien from when we paid it off four years ago.

Other than that, not much. Thanks for asking.

[Katie]

@Michelle who posted near the beginning of the comments: I have a just-turned-3-year-old son on the spectrum and would love to lend any support you might need with your little guy. (Moxie--I don't think Michelle left her e-mail address, did she?) My e-mail is katievarela @ cox dot net.

[pnuts mama]

first, i would like to give any and all of you comfortable with it a virtual group hug.

second, for those of you dealing with the big stuff right now, the life and death stuff, feel the support of this group to help you journey through it. for those of us who are lucky enough to put all the other stuff (which is undoubtedly important- since it is stressing us out) into some kind of perspective, hang in there and be well.

finally, i would like to thank you for the term "snow blobs"- and i too would like the equivalent of a snow blob for my hard work of loading the dishwasher this afternoon. i'm not kidding. or at least maybe i could mention that i did it like 6 times before the end of the week. sigh.

[Lisa]

@epeepunk - I used to date an architecture student. Apparently most people fail at least one of the sections on the first go - it's designed that way. (Why is arch. such a sadistic/masochistic field? All that charette-ing and such... Amazing you can do it and be an active parent!)

[Lisa]

Another here whose stress has been put in perspective.

Here it's mostly gratitude that the mental/emotional/physical effects of DH's recent concussion have subsided, annoyed resolve to talk about some of the issues that came up when the second of those categories was put under stress (work! houseguests! travel! more work! Time to talk... when?), and me beating myself up over having goofed off/slept/worked on other things when I have a big freelance job due tonight. Procrastinate much?

But overall, I'm very grateful for recent upturns in our family's health and money situations. And looking forward to a week at the beach - our first paid vacation ever. Wow.

[anon]

I own a small business. Funds are low. My checking account one day = $22,000. The very next day = $-777.00 because the $36,000 check I was promised came in late. And then the Fing bank charges me $1200 in overdraft fees (so far!!! grrr) making it that much harder to back in the black. I thought 8 years of a good standing with this bank would be enough for them to see the light and show some mercy. NOPE!! The only good thing I have to say is that the bank did pay all of my checks and debit charges, nothing bounced. So at least I do not have to explain myself to my suppliers.

[SarcastiCarrie]

pnuts mama - i think the equivalent of a snow blob is a hack dub or a doot nassage. I've folded a lot of laundry this week, so I think I am deserving of some kind of not-leading-to-any-funny-business hack nassage.

Oh, I thought of something to complain about: I am, have been, and continue to be on "pelvic rest" so this whole discussion is just that much extra funny since there can be no rhymes-with-hecks in my house.

And I'd like to give all of you a land blob for picking up on the "snow blob" part instead of the bigger (and much less funny) point I was making about sticking it out and seeing what happens.

[Chaosgirl]

I feel for everyone posting their frustrations. And I love that we're all venting. Venting is good for the soul.

I've already screamed on the 60-day challenge check-in, but I'll happily do it again.

1) Our house was broken in to and we lost a ton of stuff, including some irreplaceable heirloom jewelry. And my f***ing sex toys. Jewelry I get, but my toys? That's just sick. (many thanks to those who offered moral support on the other thread...made my day!!)
2) The Wee One is teething and will not tolerate being out of my arms for a second. He is either a) sleeping (fortunately he is still doing this) b) eating or c) screaming. am close to losing my mind.
3) We are heading away on a house-hunting trip this weekend. Mmmm...screamy teething baby in the car for 3 hours = good times!!
4) We just sold our house and so were coming off of the stress of getting the place ready when the break-in happened. Yay! Stress upon stress upon stress!
5) Marriage is under a lot of strain with the aforementioned and the sex life sucks a**, or rather isn't sucking a**. I cannot recall the last time. My PP bits are a mystery to me. THey certainly don't work like they used to.

I fear what life has in store for me next.

On the bright side, I am actually wearing a pair of pre-preggo pants, 7 months PP. (I'd love to have a chat with whomever started the myth about breastfeeding sucking the weight off of you.)

[Chaosgirl]

@SarcastiCarrie - thank you thank you thank you for the laugh. I REALLY needed that.

[Mandy]

What a fabulous idea. Venting is good for the soul. Or airflow. Or something.

-Foolishly went off Ad's because I was feeling better. Gah. Guess what?

-foolishly behind on my work load because, guess what, I currently need the Ad's to function properly.

-still fighting postpartum infection. My son will be four,yes, FOUR freaking months old a week from Saturday.

-My son will be four months old and I feel his infancy was stolen from me.

-I'm tired, I'm stressed, I ended up with little say over how my mother's day weekend is scheduled. All I wanted was some extra sleep and I won't be getting it.

-Baby crying.

-money money money

[Shannon]

I gave birth to my son 5 weeks prem, only to then have brain surgery 4 weeks after his birth for brain tumor.
Found out that I will not be able to have any more kids as the hormones of being pregnant feed the tumor and will make it bigger.
Also found out that they will never be able to remove all of the tumor and after radiotherapy (5 weeks of this coming my way soon) they are hoping the tumor will lay dormant.
Currently have to wear one sexy eye patch as the tumor affected the nerves behind my left eye and I now have double vision and I have to wait for up to a year for my vision to come back.

The good stuff?
Supportive friends and family
Brain Tumor is not cancerous
Son is healthy and sleeps very well

But its scary and tiring...

[Cloud]

@jbq+h - I think you said you were suffering from allergic rhinitis but can't really take anything because you're nursing. Go to the doctor and get one of the nasal sprays like Rhinocort. It is a steroid, but goes straight to the nose in small doses, so most folks consider it safe while nursing. After a few days, you should notice the difference. (I am not a doctor, but I am an allergy sufferer....)

I'm just stressing, as always, about my giant to do lists at home and work, and trying to make peace with the fact that I will never feel "caught up".

[Brooklyn Mama]

Husband just came home from surgery to remove a sarcoma, right now doped up on pain meds, newly adopted baby only home not even two months, older daughter having a hell of a time with all the changes, moving in June, baby having surgery in June, elderly landlady broke her hip and in the hospital, father with terminal cancer, me trying to manage everything without losing my marbles. How the hell is that for reasons to scream?

[MrsHaley]

I am in awe of the amount of crapola some of y'all are dealing with. You have my prayers and sympathy as you navigate the life-and-death minefields you're tiptoeing through. Holy sh*t, Shannon -- a brain tumor!?!? Hallelujah you are alive, girlfriend!

Also, thank you all for posting your stuggles to remind me I'm awash in blessings. I am humbled by your strength.

[SusanB]

I am stressed because I have a raging head cold but I have to take care of two kids under age two ALL DAY LONG with NO help from ANYONE else. I don't think I'll ever get enough sleep, ever again in my entire life, and that makes me feel slightly crazy. Also, the freakin' isolation!!! And did I mention I'm alone? AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank heavens for the internet and for you people. =)

[anonymous]

What a perfectly timed post! My major stressor today (and really for the past couple of years) is my stepson's mom. She is a belligerent bully who ignores court orders and agreements that she has signed. And it seems no one is willing to hold her accountable for it.

[Bobbi]

@Robin...after almost 10 years of marriage, I have learned the hard way that if I want something to happen (for b-day, anniv, mom's day, etc) I must ASK for it. And specifically. Hinting DOES NOT WORK. Romantic? Not so much. But much less disappointment ensues....

[Nancy]

I don't have enough time at work to get my work done! I love this part-time schedule that lets me come in late and work 3.5 days a week -- but it's just not enough time. I have a to-do list that is long and boring, but it's stuff I need to get done and I don't care about it. Blah blah blah.

[Nikki]

Sigh. Good timing, as usual, Moxie. My FIL passed away after a long illness last week. He was on the mend, and had even gotten out of the house the day before he died. If we'd gotten the call six months ago, I wouldn't have been surprised, but now... it was just shocking. I'm trying to support my husband, and help with all the arrangements, but we live three thousand miles from my MIL. We're back home after the funeral, and I'm looking at a disgustingly dirty house, a toddler completely off her schedule, and a husband too depressed to be helpful. And I hate to ask him to help when all he feels like doing is play MarioKart. I'd like to hire a bi-monthly cleaning service, but honestly? It's too disgusting at this point to let a stranger in the house-- I need to clean to let the cleaners come clean. I'm crazy. Thanks for the ventilation.

[Mommy-O]

According to my husband, the female equivalent of a snow blob is a cunning linguist (from Tapeheads).

[sammy]

I am stressed out about two potential projects I have coming up. I feel that maybe I am not qualified and will make a fool of myself. I am just so unsure. I feel like I`m in over my head.

Money. We are very lucky to own a townhouse and have all the things that we *need*, but we barely make enough to pay the bills, and our credit card debt is over $1500 now.

My body. I was always in great shape, and every since I had my DD a year ago, my belly looks like hell. My stretch marks are digusting, and boobs are definetely saggy now. I should probably lose about 20 lbs.

I know I have issues because I get jelous of anyone who is prettier or better at something than I am. pathetic, i know.

[Cathy]

@epeepunk - my husband is an (unregistered) architect. Congrats to you for working through the ARE! No one in my house has started it yet - or even submitted hours to the state. He may have had a strategy of studying for LEED certification to get back into practice for studying and remembering school-ish stuff. Haven't seen much LEED action lately.

WRT to tone of voice in the redlines....Architecture is a funny business.

[Beth]

Final exams, papers, etc...

Just weaned the bean and boobs are quite uncomfortable. When will the full, lumpy feeling go away?

[Beth]

Final exams, papers, end of term crunch.

Just weaned the bean and boobs are quite uncomfortable. When will the full, lumpy feeling go away?

[Beth]

Sorry for the double (now triple!) post...

[Bobbi]

Just to keep y'all posted...after the grim prognosis, they moved Karie to hospice care intending to make her comfortable until she passed (she had a giant seizure last night and had been unresponsive since - coma basically). And then this evening she woke up. And communicated. And gave her brother the finger after a smartass comment from him. So never let it be said that the power of prayer doesn't work. Thanks for all of your prayers. We'll take every minute she can get...every one is a blessing and a bonus...

Still hoping for a miracle...

[Jamie]

Bobbi & Nikki--
Right there with you. My MIL passed away today (she was 67) after a long struggle with advanced ovarian cancer. AND, she was lucid and laughing yesterday (despite being in hospice), but her lungs filled with fluid last night and she died.

On other fronts-- Money! We are so far in debt from all of our endless graduate school program days and living with no money that it is frightening. It will take us literally a dozen years to crawl out of credit card debt.

My babysitter is also leaving us in a week and a new one is starting-- nothing like the world turning upside down for the four year old-- his grandmother dying and his beloved babysitter leaving at the same time!

But, I am LOVING my two kids. And, I love my husband. And, my PT job is good enough.