Check 1, 2

So we're back up again, I hope. I still don't know if the posting/comment/directory problem is definitively fixed or not. And the problem remains that whenever it rains too much my cable internet connection in my apartment goes out. (It's a building-wide problem that seems to afflict only our building, out of aaaalllll the buildings in Manhattan.) But in the meantime I lost a post I'd started. I'll try to redo it and post it tonight or tomorrow.

I am feeling a little defeated today, after a nasty shoe-throwing-leading-to-lateness-to-school incident this morning that left me feeling bruised by the Mothering Experience. And then on the way to work I was really just wondering if I'm ever going to find real love. Not a panicked, "Oh, no, I'm going to end up alone." Because believe me, alone would be F-I-N-E fine! But I do have a ton to give, and now that I know who I am it would be nice to have that breathless feeling again, but for the right reasons.

Maybe it's just the spring weather and the end of a looooong week talking.

I'll try to resurrect that post.

Comments

[Julie]

Ya, Moxie, I hear you. I think you just need to remember that life is long, lots of stuff happens, then nothing happens, then lots of stuff happens again....and on and on and on. Have peace in your heart and know that God will lead you where you need to go. If you have love to give, there will be someone someday to give it to......and the next time it will be richer and deeper for having had this first experience with it. Find some peace in knowing this....and then just sit back and live your life which is going to be wonderful in ways you cannot even imagine.

Big hugs to you. Any trips to LA planned?

Also, I think shoe throwing should be a demonstration sport in the '08 Olympics. We have a future Olympian living in our house too.

[Julie]

....and one time the shoe hit my husband in the nads. Which is when I sent in the petition to the Olympic committee.

[Slim]

Can we make this Shoe Friday?

I had to remember to retrieve my youngest's shoes from the water bottle holders on the stroller pouch. They'd been removed from his feet and stashed there last night before he could throw them during a trip to the inner circle of supermarket hell.

Also, my own shoes are bringing me down. Plantar fasciitis and orthotics do not coexist with Really Cute Summer Sandals. Maybe I will throw the orthotics.

[hydrogeek]

Sorry you're feeling bruised today, Moxie. Maybe it will help you to learn that I've discovered another method of getting my kid to sleep at night. Already on this site you talk about CIO and SIO (hehe, makes me giggle everytime) but I have a new one: PPIO. Stands for Pregnancy Pee It Out. Several times lately my daughter has woken up crying with crying that sounds like it's not going away, but by the time I can drag my pregnant butt out of bed and go to pee (because you know as soon as your feet hit the floor you have to pee NOW) she's quit crying. Maybe you should have a chapter in your book about *insert letter here*IO's?

[hedra]

Seriously, on the shoe thing today - what's with that?

I almost posted today about 'the other shoe dropping' - that is, we did the Montessori at home presentation, and even though we said over and over 'we mess this up, we still have fights, we still mangle the mornings regularly', a bunch of parents and teachers now act like they think we're Perfect Parents (TM) with all the Answers.

Um, no. The other shoe is the smelly one. Yes, we love our kids, and yes we mess up, lose patience, yell, and feel like we can't get it right.

So, hey, you and me, both.

And shoes are the issue of the week, along with pants, for R - she'll only wear flip-flops right now (sensory stuff with her feet), but it is too cold out, and so she freezes. Socks are verbotten, though if I could just find some that are actually comfortable... she's the princess and the pea where her toes are concerned. Socks, shoes, and oh, the waistbands are too tight ('bumpy') on all the pants. And almost all the skirts, too. Sigh.

As for love? I think it will come. There are others out there that have a lot to give, too.

[hedra]

Oh, and rain boots. She'll wear rain boots. Barefoot. Socks BAD.

[JustaNanny]

Hedra- Just an idea about the socks issue. I had MAJOR issues with socks when I was young, and my mom's solution was to turn them inside out. Apparently the seam that runs across the toe was the issue, and when they're inside out, problem solved! Just an idea....

[zimbabweanjen]

I'm feeling sick today, coming down with a cold, so I thought I'd juuuust lie down on my son's bedroom floor while he was totally absorbed building a block tower. Next thing I knew I took a block to the head. It swung in a delicate arc across the room and landed gently on my head. And by gently, I mean quite hard. Bruising motherhood experiences indeed. Poor Moxie. I hope your weekend will make up for a crappy Friday.

[hedra]

@JustaNanny, thanks. We've tried that, though. She's okay until the shoes go on, and then she can feel the bump from the seam again, and off go the shoes (and yes, she throws them, as well as the socks, which have offended her by being BUMPY), and we're back to square one. Sigh. For a while, massaging her toes vigorously also helped, because it overstimulates the nerves and helps them 'settle' somehow. BUT, that's not working right now, either.

It's almost funny, because it is as if her body is insisting on preventing her from going with her urge to wear Pretty. She ADORES pretty clothes. And if they don't feel absolutely comfortable at the same time, she is *infuriated* by them. How could shiny patent mary janes NOT also be as shiny to her tootsies? I can see her going on a truth in advertising rant... 'Pretty to my eyes should *feel* pretty to my skin! Ban uncomfortable clothes!' (even a stray thread inside the sock will freak her out... I was sensitive as a kid, but she's SENSITIVE.)

Ah well, any other ideas, anyone?

[hedra]

And ditto in general on the sometimes feeling bruised by motherhood. I think I pictured it as 'battered' - like having been out in a storm in the woods, with branches whipping at you unexpectedly. Exhausted, bruised, drained, and a bit wilty/defeated feeling. Bedraggled, maybe. Hard to get a grip on the boot straps to haul oneself up with, feeling like that.

Sigh.

[meggiemoo]

Not much help on the sock front...I've been battling with my highly sensitive DS on wearing something other than his PJs to daycare for the past week. I mean, come on people, I have great taste in kids' clothes...he only gets 100% cotton, covered seams, etc. But no.

And I feel a bit battered and bruised, too. We're coming off of a 3-week rough patch with crying every morning at drop-off. (New teacher = bad transitions in the morning)

[Cathy]

Googling seamless socks turns up a fair number of hits. No experience with any of them to know what they're really like. Handknit socks might also be something good - but OTOH, might be too wooly.

Or looser shoes? Like crocs?

Or move to Florida? The sock season is only a couple months here. :^S

[Charisse]

@Moxie, so sorry about the shoe throwing! We have all all all been there. (Ok, in our case this week it was a shrieking refusal to leave the house because all the Cars cars wouldn't fit in the red shoebox, and an insistence on keeping trying until they...well, didn't.sigh. 15 minutes late.) You're an awesome mom as if that even needs saying, hope the rest of your day goes better! Oh, and yes, you will find real love, I feel certain. All you have to do is be true to yourself (OK, that can be hard, no question).

@hedra, I swear I saw some seamless kids socks around the net somewhere--have you tried those?

[Julie]

Hedra....nylons? Maybe you could find some that have the reinforced toe without the seam. They will (probably) keep her feet warm enough but without all the bulk of socks. They make the knee-highs....and ya, probably not in her size, but I'm sure you could improvise somehow.

[bobbi]

Not any advice, but some commiseration...my morning last week...

Up all night with 15 month old who is cutting 4 molars. My oldest daughter (almost 9) comes downstairs pissed off at the world (think monthly hormonal issues are juuuust beginning) and we get into a big fight. Fighting and sass continues through breakfast. Oldest 2 begin to fight with each other. Send everyone upstairs for teeth brushing. Get 15 month old and 2.5 year old up and dressed. Hear screaming upstairs and yell at them (ugh) to come down. Have intense conversation with oldest about her behavior (this one was her fault). Now we are late. Try to hurry everyone along and 2.5 year old throws enormous temper tantrum because SHE MUST PUT HER SHOES ON but she is unable. Repeat for her coat. Scoop up toddler and coat and 15 month old and head out the door (the screaming of the toddler is still on at full volume). Buckle the baby in and return to screaming toddler and try to force a STRONG 35 pound kid into her carseat while she fights me tooth and nail screaming the entire time. Succeed after 5 minutes of forcible wrangling, glare at older daughter in rear view mirror and remind her that if she hadn't made us late, we could've avoided the scene. Start to cry.
Pull out of driveway and see neighbor getting into her car. Wonder if there's any way in hell the entire block could've missed that. Cry all the way to school and back. Day officially ruined and it's only 8am.
Repeat half hour screaming tantrums at regular intervals throughout morning. Call husband and cry that I suck at this. Feel like the WORST MOTHER ON THE PLANET.

But the next day was better...some days they like to remind us who's boss...

As for the love thing...it'll happen. As you said yourself, you have so much to give!

Hope the afternoon looks up for you...sorry for the book, but I feel better now. :)

[hedra]

Good heavens, I (*I*) didn't think to google seamless socks! :SMACK: Thanks! I'll start there, and move through the options...

Granted, I don't have any budget for them, but today I was sorta-informed (way under the table) that I can expect to be extended for a while longer. Now, to hope that's actually real.

[Kristie]

@ zimbabweanjen: Ouch. I took a board book to the face a few days ago while resting on the floor for just a moment while my daughter played nearby. She refused to take her nap. I was really counting on that nap. Only the book wasn't lobbed, it was thrown forcefully and deliberately at point blank range. (Why, oh, why did I really close my eyes?)

But what I'm really feeling bruised about is losing it over Moosie not going to sleep last night after hours of alternating nursing and dancing. My anger I really scared her and made her cry. My husband finally got her to sleep and boy am I ever feeling like the unfit mother.

[caramama]

Moxie - We had the same exact cable problem in our old place, a set of condo-townhouses. Only that building, and for some reason, no one else EVER called in the problem. My husband was always the one. He got so fed up at one point (especially because it would take them sometimes 2-3 days to fix it), that the cable company started not charging us for days when the cable was down. That helped, but it was still so frustrating.

Slim - Are you going to make it to the DC Area Meet Up tomorrow at the zoo? I never heard a definite no from you, so I'm still hoping...

hedra - I was the exact same way with socks and shoes. Princess and the pea EXACTLY! May I suggest letting her go sockless? Maybe try Baby Legs pulled down to her ankles or something like that, and just put the shoes on without socks? As much as I dislike Crocs because I don't think they are pretty, those might also be something to try in a pretty color? Good luck. I was late for school many mornings simply because of temper tantrums about my shoes. Yep. That was me.

[pnuts mama]

i was also thinking handmade socks in super soft yarn...try etsy maybe?

oh we had one of those weeks last week, where it seemed as though everything in the universe was out to bite me in the behind. bleagh...this week has been somewhat better.

moxie, my parents who raised me didn't meet until their late forties. neither ever expected to meet or marry anyone at that stage of their game- and then they had 25+ wonderful years before she lost her battle with cancer. i hope you are soothed with peace and comfort and lightness- and that only good things happen for you in the coming days and weeks. at least the weather is finally starting to get nice this weekend!

[attiton]

Oh, rain. Sigh. It can bring out the worst fears. And irritations.

As Julie suggested, I'd say, "Come out here to LA!" But, it's raining here this weekend too.

As for shoes, Rabbit has learned that if she curls up her toes real good, we can't get her shoes on. Causes *her* no end of fun...until she slips on the floor and hits her head because she doesn't have her freakin' shoes on.

Rain, rain, go away...

[Suki]

No advice just feeling bruised by motherhood too. Started daycare with 16 month old this week and, walking away from him at drop-off while he cries for me, makes me feel like a big piece of shit mom. It's so horrible. I want him to feel loved and safe and secure in the world, and then I go and leave him in his time of need. OTOH, I do want to return to work, I like the daycare, he's a social kid who I think will suit being around other kids and activities, but he cries when I leave and he won't eat a thing they offer him. I hate it...

[Julieta]

Ahhh, motherhood. How is it that I can be so proud of my sing-song patience in one moment when my kids are yelling at each other, wanting milk NOW, and throwing cheerios on the floor, and with a quick revolution of my head ala the Exorcist, I am suddenly screaming that "I heard you want milk and I can only do one thing at a time and STOP YELLING!!!" Then the guilt and shame hits with their quiet stunned looks. I surprise myself with my flip flopping. I think I need to put myself on time out like that Ikea commercial. It's comforting to know I am not the only one that yells on...ahem...accident, on occasion.

Moxie, just to let you know, I REALLY missed not being able to jump on here and just check out the chatter.

[Michelle]

So I think something is up with the universe today. First of all, it is raining and 64 degrees in PHOENIX today. Seriously? And some people doubt the reality of global warming...

Anyway...I missed the site yesterday too. I am in the middle of wedding hell...one of my best friends is getting married tomorrow and I am the Matron of Honor and my son is the ring bearer. Oh and he's 2. So that should be fun.

And the bachelorette party AND bachelor party were last night - my husband drank too much at their party (I didn't because I was trying to get 13 girls to pay a $1300 dinner tab and ended up putting "the rest" on my card...that made me unable to even enjoy the rest of the evening). So anyway my husband is still sleeping at 8:30am (after I have been up with the kids since 6:30) and I ask him whether he is staying home from work.

He proceeds to say, "Well if I do I just want to sleep...not babysit".

Love abounding. Moxie - I want to feel breathless again too.

[Salexuel]

I had to chime in that the title of this post cracked me up, but it's because my husband and his brother have been musicians (think fiddles/guitars/mandolins) since they were young (9 and 11). Over the years, they've had to do their fair share of mic-checking. When they do it now, it's occasionally this: "testes....testes....one, two.......three??!?" (if nothing else, I hope this translates in writing the way it would IRL, and hope it gives all of you who are having such rough mornings/weeks a little chuckle).
Good luck to all!

[MorahLaura]

What is it today???

There was a "Stuff Swap" at a nearby park today, organized by other homeschoolers in my area, members of a group I am *just* starting to get involved with (very hard for me but I'm realizing how trapped I'm feeling at home and how badly I need some grownup friends).

I bought fast food for me and the girls (14 months and 5.5 yrs) to eat as a "picnic" before the swap. On the way to a table, most of the way down a steep grassy hill, the 5 yr old decides she wants to eat on a blanket (which I had brought but decided I was just too hungry [6 months pregnant here] to bother setting up yet). I said no, we'll eat first. Commence screaming, crying, obnoxious behavior, followed by actually THROWING HER FOOD ON THE GROUND.

I was stunned. She continued the screaming and crying and telling how it was all *my* fault she had lost her lunch. I kept eating and feeding the baby and then packed us all into the car and came home, without losing much of my external cool, but inside I am SO ANGRY at her for sabotaging my chance for meeting some people. It's just not fair!! I want to lie and the floor and scream and cry now, too!

Bruised by the Mothering Experience. I can totally relate.

[Julie]

@Michelle, are we perhaps married to the same man? Why is it that childcare is what I do *because it is my child and my responsibility*, yet when my husband does it, it's "babysitting"?

[SarcastiCarrie]

meggiemoo - Pajamas to day care was our "thing". Finally, with school approval, for his birthday (but this could be any designated day), the whole class (teachers included) wore pajamas. Then, the next day as he wanted to wear jammies to school, I said something about it not being jammie day at school today. It was no longer his special day and we needed to wear clothes. And then, I pulled out "soft pants" and a comfy shirt that are not pajamas. "Soft Pants" have really loose elastic waists and are made from soft fabrics like really old velour and microfleece, super-washed cotton, and so on.

[SJ]

oh, having the worst mom of the year feelings lately - with 3 yr old and baby, this is just SO MUCH harder. Every night bedtime is a huge struggle, and it makes me so so so sad.
Looking forward to some quality fun this weekend - starting swim classes with just the 3 yr old this sunday, which should hopefully provide some needed one-on-one time with mommy. (now when will mommy get some time to be alone with herself???)

[Cloud]

@Suki- we've been in day care since Pumpkin was 5 months old, and she has just recently started the "cry when Daddy leaves" thing. She is almost 14 months. Daddy does drop off most days because I hate to deal with the crying. So big hugs to you. Hubby had to go back and drop something in her cubby after he left one day, and he said she had stopped crying and was happily playing even though he'd only been gone about 30 seconds. You may have to suffer through a transition period during which your baby gets used to day care (for us, it took about 3 weeks), but then I'll bet your baby does like mine (and most others)- screams when you leave, but then settles in to happily enjoy the day. Hang in there. It gets easier.

[caramama]

(Lost my comment, and trying to repost)

It's amazing to me how so many others are going through the same frustrations I am. I'm feeling completely beat up by the Mothering Experience.

Kristi - Hubby put our toddler to bed last night, and we've worked it out so he will do that one night a week. It's just too much for me to get that frustrated night after night, and half the time he had to come in and get her down after I tried for 1.5 or more hours. Last night was a wonderful break where I didn't have to worry about it at all. Good luck to you on that front!

Salexuel - Thanks for the chuckle! I needed it. And my 5-year-old sense of humor found that very funny.

Michelle and Julie - The term "babysitting" about a father watching his child is one of my hot buttons. Don't. Get. Me. Started!

[Suki]

@Cloud - Thanks Cloud. It's just so much harder than I expected. They say he stops crying after 2-3 minutes, but I hate to think he might feel scared/confused/alone all day. Is there reseach out there about daycare? I try to find stuff on the internet but not much luck. I just want to know that, overall, he'll be happy there & thrive, in the long run... I hope it gets easier! I've been a mess all week...

[hedra]

@Suki, I was remembering how many days ep said, 'I hate drop-off'... weeks and weeks and weeks of it. For each kid, it seems. Mainly he did drop-off, and I did pickup. So he got either 'WAAAAH please don't leave me!' or 'eh, whatever, I'm busy now, please go!' a lot. He does get nice hugs and farewells now, though. And I got the 'Oh, I'm so happy to SEE you! Hugs!' ... and also 'YOU? I wanted DADDY to pick us up!' and also 'Oh, do we hafta go now? Aw, MAN.'

So, it comes and goes. Right now is one of the suckies. At 16 months, kids who a month earlier were easy peasy at drop-off are utter misery. (And doesn't the not eating thing suck? G didn't eat what they offered, either. It feels so wrong.)

[Sherry]

Michelle and Julie, that's my husband, too. Except that I work full-time and he doesn't, so he keeps her two days a week while I'm at work. When I left them this morning, he was sitting there so depressed, and little one (13 months) was crying, and I was wishing hard that she didn't have to stay at home with him. I'm finally ready for daycare. I just can't afford it.

Moxie, you'll find that love, I bet. For now, you can be glad you aren't in any of our shoes! :)

Clarification: I do love my husband; I just ... am trying to reign in that resentment. :)

[hedra]

Oh, and Suki, on the research - there's pluses and minuses for everything. Daycare included. However, the degree of upset is not correlated to their longterm wellbeing. In fact, a good read of the biggest studies used to scare moms about daycare (ugh) actually show that it is the parenting that matters most, not the care situation. Kids who have strong positive relationships with their parents end up thriving overall, no matter what. A poor attachment process, non-responsive parenting, or unreliable parenting (in the abusive sense - alternating between neglect, abuse, and loving) all = problems, whether you stay home or work. If you take just the parents who have reasonably sane and connected parenting style, who try to bridge the gaps that occur, you have to go out to the Nth degree of bad daycares and long durations in care (per day/week) before you see any implications at all. So, have faith that your child is resilient, and if he's done 2-3 minutes after you leave, then assume that he's just telling you that he loves you as loudly as he can. And then see if you can observe (without being seen or heard) some day, to see if he seems content/happy.

Hang in there.

[hedra]

@suki again - Oh, and play peekaboo. Seriously. It helps their brains process separation anxiety.

[Suki]

@Hedra - thanks for your thoughts & comments. And yes, he looooves peek-a-boo, so we'll keep playing a lot of that...

[Jennifer]

@hedra (and anyone else with sensitive kids): Have you read The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine N. Aron? I was a highly sensitive child (and am now a highly sensitive adult); no one could understand why I was so bothered by the high-pitched buzzing sound the computers made at school or why clothing tags drove me nuts. My therapist helped me see that my sensitivity (physical and emotional) is actually a special thing and that book (and others by Aron) really helped me a lot. I actually like the child one better than the ones for adults. I hope that helps.

Enjoy the holiday weekend, everyone!

[My Kids' Mom]

I needed this. We had a morning here too and I'm finding it hard to recover. Big brother used up the cinnamon sugar, 4yo blew a gasket and threw it across the room. Out of control for an hour. By then I was irritable and everything he's done has made me yell. I freaked him out by screaming and now he's all lovey and apologetic, but nothing is different. He'll drive me crazy and I'll yell. I hate the pattern and we've got to get some professional help to deal with his anger. Or mine.

[paola]

There has been a flip recently on WHEN the most stressful time of the day for me is and it used to be in the evening when the 3 year old is at the height of his exhaustion and grumpiness and uncooperativeness and the 16 month old is refusing anything you put in front of her except banana, and I have to prepare dinner and clean up the debris the little non-eating 16 month old is leaving in her wake. Well, sure that is still stressful, but with the help of same great advice from one of the 60 day challengers, I am starting to get on top of it. The last two mornings, which used to be far from stressful have started to feel a lot like my afternoons, with my 3 year old starting to behave irrationally because he doesn't like the bib I put on him ('it's 'difficult'', he says)and then as I try to pull it back on him, he starts slapping me from all directions. I'm wondering if this is the start of the 'bad' 6 months that 3 year olds go thru or the end of the 'bad' 6 months. Can't wait to see some of that helpful, cooperative, pleasant behaviour that I have been told 3 year olds possess.

[Michelle]

@Sherry and Julie - I love my husband too...and I totally get the "reigning in the resentment" comment. I feel the same way a lot of the time.

I have said it before and I will say it again, having kids is really hard on a marriage I think, and I was never prepared for it. Being a mother has changed me in ways I never could have imagined and I am not sure my husband likes those changes.

Part of my 60-day challenge was to get us in therapy...we both agree we are in trouble. The hard part (aside from admitting my marriage is in the crapper when I have two kids under 3) is finding a therapist that is either a) affordable enough to pay cash or b) covered by our insurance. Haven't had any luck so far.

Anyway, glad to know I am not the only one with a husband that considers parenting "babysitting".

[ada]

This is completely off topic but does anyone know if pnutsmama had her baby? I haven't noticed her commenting for a few days.

[Julie]

@caramama....I KNOW! Hot button indeed. I hate the question "When will you be back?" as if he's a 13 year old girl who has to be home in time for curfew. "Umm.....I'll be home when I'm f*cking DONE doing what it is I have to leave the house to do." Sheesh.

@Michelle, I hope therapy helps you guys. It has helped us immensely. Perhaps not enough to last 50+ years, which is everyone's dream and goal....but in terms of co-parenting and redefining our relationship post-kids, it has helped a lot. I also work full-time, and make a point of reminding him that basically I work 2 full-time jobs, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. When I went out of town the other weekend I left Alex with him and BOY did he "get it". Luckily for him, the male frontal lobotomy kicked in by Wednesday and it was back to business as usual. Oh well.

[Cloud]

@Suki- I think Hedra summed up the research I read pretty well (as usual!) so I'll just add my anecdotal evidence- Pumpkin LOOOOVES day care now. If I show up to pick her up when she is playing outside, she runs over, gives me a hug, and then wants to get back down and keep playing. She's clearly thriving there. In fact, I worry that she gets bored on days when she is home with just Mommy or Daddy (who are always trying to get things done) to entertain her as opposed to several teachers and a bunch of other kids. Which is not to say that I don't sometimes have issues about day care- I think it is hard to adjust to having to involve a third party in your parenting decisions. But on the whole, I'm happy with it, and honestly don't worry about how being in day care will affect her. It took me a month or two to get to this place, though, so go easy on yourself. You'll both get used to it soon.

[Charisse]

@Suki, Mouse has gone to daycare (now preschool) since 7 months--there have definitely been times when she's screamed bloody murder when I leave...and times when she didn't. As a baby and toddler, she'd often restrict her eating if something was bothering her, so that would happen around transitions--the transition to a new center, some skill transition of her own, or whatever. It bugged me every single time, and I remember bawling on a friend's shoulder more than once. Hugs to you. But anyway, this is all to say she's 4 now, she neither starved nor developed attachment issues, and in general daycare (and fulltime preschool later) has been wonderful for our family. When you worry about the potential minuses, try to remember the potential pluses as well--exposure to a broader range of kids, adults, toys, etc. Allies who can give you extra insights about your child (we learned tons from Mouse's daycare teachers). Practice separating from you in a safe setting so that when he starts preschool at 2 1/2 or 3 (a pretty sensitive age) it may be easier for him. Practice sleeping somewhere besides home. If you're a person who wants your own work, then you're doing a great thing by offering him a cool and different, safe and appropriate world of his very own to be in while you do your thing.

@paola, I will be super impressed if you manage to get a bib on a 3-year-old for much longer!! We gave up with Mouse in general around that age, though for a few things (yogurt, tomato soup), we still occasionally use a "cape"--obviously a cool big kid thing, not for babies--made out of a kitchen towel and a tied with a rubber band, since she also gets really upset if she messes up her clothes. Definitely lots of "don't mess with me" at 3. Which is kind of awesome in the wanting to do things yourself sense, but really tough when that doesn't line up with their actual capabilities. But they don't forget about it 5 minutes later the way a 2-year-old might, so sneaking it on is probably just going to escalate things, at least if your kid is as fierce as mine. Good luck!

[Cloud]

@Paola- I just saw your comment and had to laugh. I have an almost 14 month old who won't touch banana (I suspect because it is squishy) and will only eat crackers and cracker like things. We think she won't eat any food that she can squish, but she also refuses plenty of non-squishy food, too. If anyone has any ideas for how to encourage her to branch out, I'd love to hear them. I've been trying not to stress too much, since she is still nursing. But she's starting to drop nursings/bottles and I'm afraid we'll end up at a point where her diet consists of cow's milk and graham crackers.

[Sherry H.]

@Jennifer: thank you for the book recommendation for 'The Highly Sensitive Child'. i just ordered the hightly sensitive person and the workbook. for myself. i've been in a back-and-forth with my boyfriend about some of my personality traits he cannot get around, like not wanting to shop all day or be in a large crowd of people i don't know, and etc. i think it's just a trait, he thinks they are 'not normal' and surely signs of depression. thusly, i'm being labeled a 'depressed person', and being rather forcibly encouraged (under threat of break-up) to change myself. hasn't been a fun week in that respect.

@Suki - i volunteer at a daycare (ages 2-5) and a couple of the children regularly come in clinging to their parent and crying. after the parent leaves, it usually doesn't take long for them to come around and be playful and social. i hope that is reassuring to you.

[sue]

slim - have you tried earth shoes? they have some super cute flip flops. They're the only ones I don't have to wear orthotics with.

hedra - oh, the socks! I was so that child. I don't recall it ever really resolving. I *still* hate socks, and hate the seam on them, and wear them as infrequently as possible. I also wouldn't wear anything with a tag (still won't), or jeans, until I was a teenager and fashion necessitated it (but, honestly, i dressed like a middle aged man until I was about 23, in polo shirts - to hide the large breasts - and baggy pants). I'm not sure there is a good solution, other than just letting her be comfortable as long as she's warm enough and modest enough. But then, I let my 3yo go to school in her pajamas when she wants, so I'm a bit wild and free with the clothing "rules."

[pnuts mama]

@ada- nope, still gestating! although last night i felt fluey/achey and was thinking, uh-oh, we're getting close! had similar symptoms about a week before having her, but they've stopped, so i think we're good. 34 weeks now, would like at least one, two more but am definitely in the safety zone. thank you so much for asking! i know i didn't comment much last week, had a rough week, v. similar to much of what has been described above in so many of your families (oh, the screaming! the anger! the resentment! feeling out of control and the worst mama/person ever- sigh) but this week has been better at least. thanks again.

@suki- i *just* spoke to a mom who said her little girl is in daycare now, but the first week was hard- crying, etc. a real tough adjustment. she said the kid loves it now, loves to be around the other little ones, etc. so there's some hope for you i hope!

and here is another comment hijack- for all of you who have more than one, any tips/thoughts on how to help the transition when you bring home the new baby? pnut is almost three (will be three middle of july) and excited about 'baby brother' ("i'm going to change his diaper and feed him from my boob") but of course i imagine the reality will be tough for her to adjust. the best advice i've heard so far (was it here?) was when both are crying, tend to older one first, who will remember, whereas baby won't. i've gotten him a gift from her, her a gift from him, and have been stressing that he won't be able to do any of the fun, big-girl stuff she can do, how little he'll be, the crying, etc.- just looking for any advice in general from those of you who've been there.

thanks!

[Erika]

The gods brought me here today, with all of the daycare replies. I read Moxie all the time, but rarely (have the time to) comment. Overall I feel like a failure as a SAHM. I am struggling with the decision to put my 18 month old daughter in daycare for a few mornings a week, but I am dying inside without "me" time. I have struggled with incredibly awful PPD and anxiety, and have totally lost myself over the last year and a half. My husband is a wonderful man, but also considers taking care of his daughter to be "babysitting."

I love you all - those of you who struggle with the same issues as I do, and those of you who have wonderful, wise words to share.

[Sarah]

@michelle, I keep trying to tell my partner about the whole 'kids putting a strain on the relationship thing', but he just thinks we're a disaster zone. See, we only had 3 months of just us - after that I was pregnant (we had many years of almost-but-not-quite getting it together, sporadically). So we have nothing, no foundation, to compare it to - no pre and post-kid benchmarks. Thus, he thinks the frustration and resentment and anger and hormonal swings are THE WAY I AM!! Arrrgh! He doesn't believe me when I tell him I'm actually pretty laid back, nice, generous and loving. Oh no, he sees the uptight controlling shrew. On the plus side, I can't fault him as a dad. But he does get WAY more time to do his hobbies than I get to do mine (well, I guess you can't help but get more time than none at all...), and he always says, 'well, it's my hobby. I'm sorry you don't want me to be happy.' Ouch. I know he's guilt-tripping but... it works.