Q&A: toddler afraid of baths

Here's a classic from Donna that never loses its frustration factor:

My son used to love taking baths, and he loves being in the water in the summertime. But a few months ago, he started not enjoying the bath experience and wouldn't sit in the bath anymore. For months, I've had to wash him while he's standing in the tub. Sometimes he lets me get in with him and he'll sit on my lap, but that's not always possible and seems to be more and more inappropriate as he gets older (he's 2 years+ 4 months old). He seemed okay with the standing-up baths for a while and even played with all of his bath toys, but now he doesn't even like to get in the water at all, even with toys. I've changed the temperature of the water, thinking it was too hot for his little bottom, but that didn't help. For a while, he was okay if I let him put the soap on his hands and let him put it on himself , but now that's not even working. My husband has tried, too, but no luck. I now just give him a quick wash every few days, and shampoo his hair maybe twice a week, but he's crying the whole time. We've reduced the number of baths he gets a week so it won't stress us all out so much,  but nothing seems to help. I've exhausted all of my ideas. Any suggestions would be helpful."

Classic wisdom is that at a certain age kids get afraid of being sucked down the drain. I think sometimes thats it, but not always. We went through this same stage in which a 2 1/2-year-old wouldn't sit down in the tub. I just didn't think much about it, since Ï was too busy trying to get him to let me wash his hair, and trying to keep the two boys from splashing all the water out of the tub.

But now that I think of it, yeah, this stage was a big pain in the butt. And it was the first time around with my older son, too. I don't think I ever came up with any solution for it. I tried a bunch of different things, from cajoling, to playing games, to just muscling through the bath and hair-washing while he screamed. I think what fixed it, though, was that he grew out of it. And his younger brother is now sitting back down, and can be talked into letting me wash his hair, too (he'll be 3 in May).

So is this a universal, that they go through a phase of not liking baths, even if they'll play endlessly with other water? If your kid went through an anti-bath phase, when was it and when did s/he grow out of it? How did you cope during it?

Comments

[Sarah S]

Hedra and Andrea,

thanks for your suggestions! I will try and find a faucet cover, but so far I have only seen ones that cover the faucet and not the lever as well. oh well.

[midlife mommy]

My daughter hated baths from birth. She screamed like we were pouring acid on her skin. I think she was around 10-11 months old before she outgrew it. How did we cope? We just gritted our teeth and moved as fast as possible.

I'd heard about the fear of going down the drain, so I've always made sure that my daughter is out of the tub before I flip the switch. Perhaps that's why we've never had to deal with that particular fear.

[Toni]

We had that period too, around the age of 2. I decided not to stress about it, and not to force him too much. We washed the bum and briefly got him wet a few times a week. Changing toys, singing, the shower, nothing helped. We thought bubbles might help. They made things worse. That worked out great, because after that, a bath without bubbles was totally acceptable.

We recently explained that water drains down pipes, and that makes the noise he doesn't like. The pipes do down in the ground, to the street. We heard water flowing in pipes in the basement and in the sewer in the sidewalk a few days later. He's not scared of these sounds.

Funny story: when I was a kid, I went through a whole summer scared of ALL water: bath, sink, pool, sea, anything. We were at the beach, so it was hard for my mother. I must have been about 3 and my explanation was that "the shrimp will bite me" It apparently solved itself after the summer... I only remember hating to walk barefoot in murky tidal pools, because there were sometimes "prickly stuff" there (tiny crabs, broken seashells, who knows). :)

[Shelley]

Bath crayons are hugely popular in my house and were a great enticement.

Your kid is getting to the age where positive reinforcement might help -- the promise of a video, or treat, or whatever special thing rings his chimes if he takes a bath.

Good luck!

[Barbara]

Our 16 mo daughter has gone back and forth between Loving and Hating the bath. Of all the things we've tried, the most successful has been taking her into the bathroom throughout the day, looking at the tub and talking about it, and letting her play with her bath toys. After several days of this she'll usually start begging for a bath! We recently got a small inflatable tub which is helping a lot too. She's finally sitting in it, for the first time since she could pull herself to stand.

[Naomi (Urban Mummy)]

We had a stretch a few months back when my (now) 18 month old refused the bath.

We actually pulled out the baby bathtub, filled it with an inch or 2 of water, and let him splash around in it. Each day we added a bit of water, then we put the baby tub into the big tub, then we transitioned back to the big tub.

Basically we transitioned him like we did when he was really young.

Worked great - no more fear. Although he still doesn't stay in as long as his 3 year old brother (who loves the bath but also hates having his hair washed).

As for standing - they both love to, we just tell them not to. Doesn't keep them down, but gets them to sit. And they find it funny to get up and sit and get up and sit.

[isabel]

When I was a nanny, I put water balloons filled with different temperature water in the bathtub as an inducement into the water. They come in different shapes, sometimes. Kids love to play with them. If they don't break, a regular fork will pop them and kids love to do this, too. I'd always make a few really, really huge.

I look forward to doing this with my boy, when he hits this stage.

I do remember my mom washing my hair in the kitchen sink, with me lying on an ironing board. She'd say, "This is a special shampoo, that won't hurt your eyes, just in case." Then she'd use a special detangling cream in my hair. In retrospect, I must have been a total pill. I love her for putting up with me.

[Jennifer]

Ok, I have a 3 year old that is recently afraid of the shower head. It is like the poster above saying bath time was like a cartoon trying to give a cat a bath. He screams bloody murder. I often tell my husband that our neighbors are going to call the police. I mean screaming! What do I do? He used to love it until now. I dont know what could have possibly scared him. I tried the hand held shower head at my parent's and I believe that made it worse b/c now he thinks it can come get him. What do I do?!

[Di]

I just wanted to post a belated thank you to everyone who shared here...my 2 year old has been going through this phase for a little bit now (she's getting better, which is good now that sunscreen season is upon us...)

We solved the problem by one of us getting into the bath with her and playing, until she was used to it again. Now, we're at a point where she wants someone to start the bath with her, but then asks that we get out so she can play.

[Mary]

I remember being afraid of the bath when I was a little girl. My mom thought it was because I was afraid of being sucked down the drain, but I remember thinking something along the lines of, "Ewww!! What's that coming up from the drain when Mom pulls the plug??" (It was just an air bubble but it seemed icky to me.) The treatment was similar to what she did for me being afraid of going down the drain: we negotiated that she wouldn't pull the plug out until I was all the way out of the bathtub.

[Cheap jordans]

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[Donna]

I am a stay at home mother of an infant and a toddler. My oldest son is 17 months old and never liked baths and it just gets steadily worse. I literally have to power through a bath as quickly as possible. I know it sounds terrible, but bath time has become so intense no matter what I try I finally got a good pair of ear plugs just to take the edge off of his heart-wrenching howls when it's time to rinse his hair. When I tell him "All Done!" he turns into a different baby. We cuddle as I dry him off and there isn't even a sniffle out of him. It's as if he had forgotten the whole thing. I love my babies with all my heart, but he is teaching his younger brother that is how he should behave in the bath. I have no choice but to set the baby down in his crib while his brother and I deal with bath time. I'm sure he hears it though, he cries in sympathy for his brother. Poor things. I will try the shower thing, I just assumed that my toddler son would hate showers because I did when I was little but I'm ready to try anything! He is always so upset bath toys don't get his attention. He grips whatever is in his hand tight while I wash him. His heart races and he sobs. I wish there were an easy solution. I only bathe him once a week, even if he is filthy, which means I have to do laundry almost every night.