My Sally Field moment

Wow.

Wow.

Thank you guys so much. I was not expecting such an outpouring of love. I really don't know why we never get trolls here, and why everyone is just so happy to be here and so supportive of everyone and of me. But it feels really good, every day, and especially yesterday and today.

I woke up yesterday morning knowing that post had auto-posted just feeling so free. A decade of hiding was way too much.

I've had so much love and support IRL, too. When I was in the middle of it, I'd closed off from people. But once I made the decision I decided that if I could trust God I could trust people, and just let myself freefall. What happened then was truly amazing--hands appeared to catch me from all sides, from old friends and new ones. I've never felt as loved--as connected--before in my entire life.

Now some clarifications:

1. No evil person is outing us. An impartial publisher released a book yesterday in which my kids' father has written a piece that mentions the divorce. So you can save your righteous ire for the fight to get that PPD act passed.;-)
2. It makes sense now why I stopped posting on my personal blog. I had nothing to say that wasn't about the process, but I couldn't say that. Maybe I'll start up again...
3. It also makes sense why I suddenly went back to work.
4. If you emailed me to ask how I "do it all" or what my daily schedule is, now you know why I didn't answer.
   
5. Remember my gluten intolerance from fall '06? It went away completely as soon as I told him. (I know!) So I've secretly (from you--the people who know me IRL knew about it) been scarfing down banh mi and chocolate croissants for 17 months now. (In a strange twist, however, I've been off gluten since Sunday, just to see if it's making me bloat slightly. Thank goodness for the gluten free goodness of Kozy Shack rice pudding.)

And now some sad news: Hedra didn't get the job. (She said I could tell you.) I predict that the company that didn't hire her will go bankrupt within 18 months.

Thank you so much for being out there. Your stories help so much.

Comments

[Katie B.]

Oh, yes, grats to the newly pregnant!

When I was very newly pregnant with Igor (that's Eye-gor, a placeholder name, and I'm now 35 weeks), I ended up setting an alarm for every couple of hours to remind myself to eat, because otherwise I'd fall over from hypoglycemic symptoms. I found that what worked best for me, like many here, was to make small balanced meals. I am not diabetic, nor do I have PCOS, but I do have a history of hypoglycemic reactions, though no formal diagnosis. The low blood sugar eased up with the rest of the morning sickness sometime in my fourth month; I hope you may be as lucky!

Speaking of such things, I should go make lunch!

[Genevieve]

Leading up to my Mother making the decision to finally divorce my Father; she had so many health problems. It was like her body was trying to kill her -just to get out of such an awful situation. When she finally got the strength to do it and also talk about; so many things changed.
Sometimes the body gives us a strong sign that things need to change.
I wish you luck with this new path.

[Slim]

I think it's odd that some people are assuming animosity between Moxie and LOD -- given the timeline for publishing a book, it seems reasonable to assume that they thought the agreement would be signed before the book was on the shelves, and while I wouldn't be surprised if there were some sadness and sense of rejection/ failure floating around their place, I have always been impressed by how committed the both are to their children's well-being, and I assume they respect that in each other, even if they can't keep the marriage alive.

I once called off an engagement, and one of my ex's friends said, "Look, there's no bad guy here." To which I, picture of mental health that I am, said, "But if there were, it would be me, right?" He wouldn't let me do that. Let's not turn "being supportive" into "taking sides," huh?

[Sarah]

I was glad to read today that the book was the "out-er" of the divorce, not some crazy person or situation. But as I read about the book on site after site, I thought a lot about Moxie. Hope it all goes well for you.

I found it drove me crazy to keep my pregnancy quiet for 13 weeks...17 months is overwhelming.

And the hypoglycemia comments are interesting. I have PCOS. I was trying to get pregnant (frustratingly and smugly and perhaps ironically after having two unexpected pregnancies). A friend had had luck with metformin and she had PCOS and lost some weight too. But I didn't have high blood sugar--not pre-diabetic, which surprised my doctor just a little because I am not thin, and had been gaining weight. But the hyoglycemia symptoms...yeah I think I've felt that. Something to keep in mind.

So I gotta hope Moxie keeps writing forever and ever. I learn so much here. And you're my backup failsafe--when something is worrying me about my kids or my pregnancy, I write you a letter. Then I put it in drafts for a day or two. Usually just writing it out makes me see a solution or waiting a day lets the situation change.

Good luck. And Thanks!

[Julie]

Slim I agree....and hope my previous comments didn't make anyone think that I'm saying one side = good, the other side = bad. One thing I know about LOD from reading his site: He loves those boys. And around that fact I know they will be great parents - separate, but together.

I only meant to say that because their lives are public to some extent, that doesn't mean that I care to know any more details about things than Moxie chooses to share. Keeping in the forefront that this pain is real to them and at the end of the day, it's theirs to share or not share. I wish them *both* the best.

[JB]

Thanks to everyone for the comments about mind-body. For two months I've had a catalogue of ailments I won't bore you with, ranging from dizziness to reflux and foot pain. I promise to take the time to think through why I'm stressed (uh, besides toddler, 7-month-old, cross-country move, and new job.)

@rudyinparis -- yes, that was me, love Laurie Colwin. Love. Still haven't read all her books, because somehow I don't want there to be a world where there are no new Laurie Colwin books to read.

@Bella -- thanks for my daily dose of Mary Oliver, too!

[SarcastiCarrie]

Ha ha...an ad at the right for NADS (US slang for male genitals). Ha ha.

Moxie always gives such sensible advice, and when the answer isn't clear, gives a few options and let's you find your own path. In this context, it makes so much sense that you used a mediator for your settlement. It's so grown-up and collaborative. I'm just so proud of you for doing this like an adult who keeps the future in mind. You will need to co-parent for the rest of your life, and this bodes well for you.

[ann]

wait, did you come out of the closet too? your "a decade of hiding was way too much" is setting off some bells ....
my best to you.

[Lisa]

re the low blood sugar: both my husband and I have that (me: migraines; him: big-time cranky) and it comes on fast. T. is such a regular snacker and nurser, we just assume he's the same.

Yes: eat often - we love us some second breakfasts. Also, keep balanced snacks everywhere; nuts, dried fruit, Lara Bars and Mojo Bars in the glove compartment, diaper bag, both parents' bags, etc.

[Lisa]

@Hedra:

Not getting the job is a clear sign: YOU ARE MEANT TO BE WRITING.

And I'm not talking work-for-hire. You know the project I'm referring to.

Now get to work. Heh.

[Lisa]

Sincerely,
Your Muse

[Michelle]

Moxie -

I hope you realize that now this opens up a WHOLE new box of questions for those of us dealing with marital issues! Because, like parenting, no one has all the answers about marriage and divorce and everyone deals with things in their own way, but I believe sharing our collective knowledge and experience helps all of us feel less alone.

So get ready...I was working on an email to you in my head last night. I remember reading and re-reading your post about marriage and a new baby a million times after my last baby was born.

Having kids changed my marriage more than I ever could have imagined...and I would love to hear your insight on that.

[Cynthia]

I firmly believe that you have some power that lets you post topics exactly when others need to hear them. Silly, I know, but there it is.

I nodded in agreement when I saw the hands outstretched for you. I'm finding hands supporting me as I struggle to accept the inevitable divorce I'm facing. I am happy to see those hands there for you!

[Alma]

@ moxie: I didn't post yesterday either, but I saw the post at the crack of down, immediately told my husband and spent the rest of the day - and today - thinking about you. I have no excellent comment to add only that as with so many others I have been holding you and your family in my thoughts.

@ hedra: sorry about the job - but hurray for the blog!!!

[Audrey]

Moxie,
If only you could know how much your blog has helped me in the last year with my daughter. I think I found you within the first couple of weeks and have been an avid reader but never posting prior to this. You and all your commenters have helped me through breastfeeding, sleeping issues and other insecurity points along the way. So, all I can say is thank goodness you are now free of the "secret" and ready to move on. Good luck with everything and I bet the really worst part is over. Hard times suck but the good times are wonderful.

[hedra]

@Lisa, you're not talking about THE BOOK, are you? Please don't be talking about the book... I can't do the book work for another year, and it eats me. Pretty much every day.

BUT, I'm thinking to do a wiki on the book (private) to get it started, and may need some muses (aka butt kickers and assertive critics) to redmark all over it. So... that one is kind of in consideration. Meanwhile, just posting one blessed thing on the blog released a huge amount of internal pressure (sorry, that image just makes me laugh... how can that not mean 'gassy' writing?). I'm not sold that it's the right venue, at the moment, but ... it's something.

[Lisa]

@Hedra:

Oh, that wasn't me; that was your muse, speaking through me in a moment of altered consciousness.

Seriously (and I'm only sort of kidding about the above), yeah, I figured you had a book brewing in you. I'm certainly not saying you have to write it now, though! It's just that I had a very strong sense that your life/art path wouldn't be served by taking on a "lifetime job" just as you're coming out of the intensity of the (last kids') first 3 years. Which is when, all the mom-writers tell me, you are just beginning to start to have the ability to do the thinking/have the mental space to... get there eventually.

I mean, I don't know you except for via this site, but I sense a kindred spirit re this particular issue. And I had a long history of taking on Exciting Projects that were quite fulfilling, and also allowed me to evade the thing I wanted to do most with my mind. So just a thought. You may need to let things ferment for several years, but that takes some air, right?

[hedra]

@Lisa (my muse!), yeah, you're spot on. The book already has five chapters, by the way - started it before I got preg with the twins, then... well, twins. It needs some serious re-writing, though.

I agree, it will need some air. But I'm not sure what air, when, or how much. I do know I can't *really* start until after DH is done with his licensing exams, which is a good year from now.