This post is for Too Fed Up from yesterday (second page of comments, about halfway down--stupid Typepad doesn't let you link directly to a comment after the first page, apparently).
You need sleep. People have suggested anti-depressants, but at this point that's putting lipstick on a pig. Maybe, once you've got some sleep in you, you might benefit from ADs, but the immediate physical need, and the thing that's messing with your system, is lack of sleep. Which, let's remember, is used as a method of torture, because it breaks down all the physical and mental systems. You're literally being tortured at this point--no wonder you're losing it.
And no, one good night isn't going to be enough. You need 4-5 nights of good sleep, and then a schedule that gets you at least one 5-hour stretch every night. After a month of that, reassess, and maybe you'll still feel like you need ADs. But if you get them now, they're going to stress your system even more and just mask what's going on, and the real problem won't be addressed.
I'm worried about the way your sleep situation is structured because of the dynamic of your relationship with your partner. It sounds like he thinks taking care of the baby is your job, because he's using his job as a way to trump your need for sleep.
That's not right, and it's not fair.
Unless your partner does one of the following jobs:
- air traffic controller
- operator of heavy machinery (pilot, truck driver, construction vehicle operator, etc.)
- simultaneous translator for the UN
- hostage negotiator
- surgeon, especially neurosurgeon or eye surgeon
then his "having a job" does not in any way, shape, or form trump your responsibilities of taking care of your child during the day.
Presumably, your partner aided in the acquisition of this child, which means that he either gave the sperm (the fun way or the not fun way), paid for the sperm, signed the adoption papers, or opened the door when the stork arrived. He needs to take his turn when he's home, even during the night. There are partners all over the world who do nighttime care of their children (I get emails from many of them, and many of them comment or are commented about by their partners here). It means giving up a little of his own sleep, but it also means taking care of his child.
Any way you slice it, your partner needs to step in. There are some relationships in which both partners see taking care of the children as a shared responsibility. If your partner can't imagine that, and sees caring for your child as "woman's work," then he probably sees his job as providing for the family. You are sick from lack of sleep. He needs to fix that problem. There are many ways for him to do that--several nights in a hotel, hiring someone to come do the overnight shift for you, taking the baby in with him, etc. He can pick one of those methods, as long as it restores your health by giving you sleep.
This post sounds harsh, but the message needs to be sent: You are sick from lack of sleep. Your partner needs to care for you. I don't know if he's not aware of how bad the situation is, so maybe you can show him this post. If he gets you help, it's worth making him angry at me.