Q&A: 9-month-old won't take bottle from parents anymore

So what are the odds that I'd get two eerily similar questions in one week about something I'd never heard before? I'm going to post them both together (because there are slight variations), but I'm wondering if this is something that's actually common but no one talks about.

Cybele writes:

"Moxie, I’m hoping you and your readers can weigh in and/or commiserate with my situation. I’m a full-time WOHM; my 9 month old son spends 40 – 45 hours a week with his nanny. I work partly out of financial necessity, but also because I worked hard to get where I am in my career and it means at lot to me. Despite this, I feel terribly conflicted about it, and lately even more so due to this issue with his feeding.

I went back to work at 14 weeks, and my son has always taken a bottle from the nanny with no problem. Around 8 months my supply plummeted, and I decided that I’d relieve myself of the misery of 4x/day pumping, we’d give formula during the day and I’d just breastfeed morning and night.

Problem is, the Munchkin has long refused to take a bottle from me (not unusual, I know) - or dad – or grandma - or anyone else besides his nanny. I figured this would change once I stopped pumping. Nope! Now he’s clearly hungry and thirsty on the weekends, and cries, and yet refuses the bottle no matter how many times it’s offered and no matter who is doing the offering. I’ve tried leaving the room, leaving the apartment for a couple of hours…it makes no difference. Then come Monday morning, he’ll sit on the nanny’s lap – even if I’m sitting right next to them – and happily suck down a huge bottle, while the nanny says: “See? See? No problem for me!”

Dad and I have somewhat better luck with solids (especially plain yogurt, his favorite food), but again, he sometimes refuses to eat, or to eat enough. Never a problem for the nanny.

I’m not worried that he’ll starve on the weekends (he’s a healthy 21 lbs), but I do worry that he gets dehydrated. He can’t manage a sippy cup very well yet; he thinks it’s fun to play with but can only manage to get down a sip or two. Plus he’s so miserable all weekend long, my precious time with my darling baby. But mostly I just feel like a big failure as a mother. It’s created a bad dynamic with my nanny, who kind of lords it over me. And I find myself asking her to stay late even on days when I get home early to give him a feeding or a bottle, which feels so humiliating (I can’t even feed my own kid!).

So the question is: what do I do? I don’t think there’s enough fenugreek in the world to resurrect my breastmilk supply at this point. Should I stop nursing altogether and see if that helps? Or should I take, say, a week of vacation sans nanny and let him cry for as many days as it takes to convince him that he has to take food from mom or dad? Or fire my nanny? Quit my job?

Has anyone else had a problem like this? My ped just said “gee, most breastfed babies are willing to take bottles from their father.”

Thanks. I know this too shall pass, but it’s driving me a little nuts right now."

How helpful of your pediatrician. Wanker.

This is a strange little ball of suck, isn't it? It's managed to hit almost every single issue that can make a mother feel like utter crap: feeding problems, baby showing more affection for someone else, nanny vs. mommy stuff, guilt about having a nanny/working in the first place, milk supply issues, and the baby being 9 months old. The only things that could make this worse are if you had mastitis, were about to defend your dissertation, and/or just discovered that your husband was addicted to either porn or online gambling.

Before I print the other post and get to the actual feeding issue, let's talk about the emotional component with the babysitter. I think I hate your nanny for lording it over you. I wonder what kind of validation she gets from that. She has to know how much it hurts you that he spends more time with her than with you already, so why would she be purposely making you feel worse about the dynamic? I think you need to have a talk with her and try to figure out what her problem with you is. (I hate to say it, but I've heard enough babysitters talking at the playground about how the mothers they work for "don't care" and are "always at work," and how they love the kids more than the mothers do. Why do women hurt each other so much???) I'm not going to say that you should fire her over this, but she's a big part of the problem at this point, and it's worth reevaluating the relationship once the dust settles on this bottle problem.

Now here's the email from Jenny, and then let's see if we can figure out what's up:

"My 10 ½ month old son has a drinking problem… According to the pediatrician, he should still be getting about 20-24 ounces of formula a day. This is not a problem on the days he goes to the sitter’s house (Tues-Thurs). For her, he’ll drink whatever she offers him. However, on days he’s with me, he acts like he’d rather do anything else in the world besides drink a bottle (or sippy cup, but more on that in a second). He doesn’t cry, he just refuses to drink more than an ounce or two. He’ll push the bottle away, bite on the nipple or just turn his head. He’d much rather be on the floor playing or reading a book with me or anything else. I’ve found that the only time I can get him to drink 5 or 6 ounces at once is to do it as he’s going down for his naps or at bedtime. So, we end up winding down for each nap with a bottle, just to make sure he gets enough to drink. I’m wondering if he’s associating the bottle with sleepy time, and if I try to give it to him when he’s awake, he thinks I’m trying to get him to take a nap and he doesn’t want to…?

I’ve tried to start getting him used to the sippy cup as well, but that’s not working so well either. He’s been chewing on and playing with the cup for a couple months, and I’ve put mostly water with a splash of juice, in case he decides to actually drink some. Last week, I decided to put formula in it, hold him like it was time for a bottle, and see what he did. He drank a couple ounces; I was excited and thought we were on our way to transitioning to the cup (in time for the milk transition in a few weeks). However, the next time (and each time thereafter), he started doing the same thing as he did with the bottle. If I was holding him and trying to get him to drink from the cup, he wasn’t interested at all. I asked the sitter to see if she could get him to try and drink from the cup, and of course she had total success. He’ll drink whatever she offers him in his sippy.

People say “he’ll drink when he’s thirsty and eat when he’s hungry,” but I’m not so sure. (These are the same people that say he’ll sleep when he’s tired, which we all know doesn’t happen with feisty babies.) I don’t understand why he acts so different for me than he does for the sitter. In the future, I’m worried that once we’re off the bottle, he won’t drink much of anything all day. For now, though, I’m just concerned that he’s not getting enough to drink if he’s home with me. Any suggestions??"

So I'm baffled by this, and don't have any solid solutions, so let me just say what comes to mind and see if that helps anyone else figure out what's going on.

This kind of reminds me of a nursing strike, which also can happen around the ages of 9-12 months, when a kid just refuses to nurse for days. Obviously the details are different, but the idea that the child just suddenly stops wanting to take milk from the mother seems like some kind of similar emotional process.

This is also a time when kids are about to head into separation anxiety, so I'm wondering if this is some kind of separation before the separation anxiety hits?

I've got nothing else right now, because a big part of me suspects that I'm going to post this and get a bunch of "me, too!" comments and we'll have discovered some unspoken phenomenon.

Int he meantime, though, we have to figure out how to get some liquids into Cybele's son, for sure, and help solve Jenny's drinking problem.

What do you have for Cybele and Jenny?

Comments

[michaela]

Yikes, I'm not a fan of the nanny's comments, either. I wonder if Jenny could try nursing on the weekends during the day -- I did that even when I'd stopped pumping during the work week, and it seemed to satisfy my daughter.

Not sure about Cybele's issue... although I wonder if her son is sensing her anxiety about the issue and making it a bit of a power struggle?

[snickollet]

One of my twins was exactly the same way, and to a certain extent, still is.

The twins are 21 months now. They started daycare at 4 months, full-time, five days a week. From the start, my son has eaten better at daycare. When they were just on bottles, he would do the same as Cybele's child: happily take everything offered at daycare and subsist on air and love at home. Now that they eat solids, he'll eat ANYTHING I send to daycare, but has a much more limited repertoire of foods that he'll consume at home (although he does drink a massive amount of milk and water out of straw cups).

I don't really have a solution to offer--I never found one except to figure that he gets what he needs at daycare, that I can't force him to eat or drink, and that I have to let it go. Easier said than done, right? I did (and do) try to make sure that I offer him water or milk regularly so that if he does want to drink, he has the chance.

Sorry that I don't have anything more helpful, but hey, I do have a lot of empathy.

[sheSaid]

I am not in this boat really, my son only nurses and will not eat for any one else. grrr.

but is it how the food is offered?
like a control thing? the nanny/babysitter lets them hold the bottle or cup or self-feed?

Or maybe they dont want to waste precious mom time with eating?

[paola]

Certainly not an expert about bottle feeding as neither of my kids ever took a bottle. I'm wondering if this is something to do with the onset of a developmental leap. There are fussy periods beginning at 34 weeks and 42 weeks. My daughter cut back on nursing in both these periods I remember. My only suggestion is to get more liquids into them with their solids: make their foods a bit more watery, add milk/water to everything, or simply try using a spoon to feed them something you know they like with added water.

No kind words for the nanny.

[amberjee]

my son was always a fussy feeder like this. i was always so worried he was not getting enough milk/food/liquid. on reflection i tried to force him to feed a lot of times when he didn't want to. they say a baby won't starve itself (although sometimes it seems to opposite to its parents) and as tough as it is, you will probably just have to let your kid set the agenda.

get them to eat what they will, drink what they will, but with kids like this, there is just no way to get them to have what they do not want.

i have no idea why its ok for them to take food/milk from the babysitter/nanny, but suspect it is about a power struggle kind of thing. food intake is one of the few areas a child this age can assert their freewill, so i think they start to experiment with it a bit. sometimes with kids like this, offering finger foods that they can feed themselves works a treat.

cybele, i reckon your kid might be getting enough milk with morning and night feeds. as for getting more liquid, you could try offering an open cup, some kids just never get the hang of a sippy.

sorry this is random and rambly, but the most helpful thing i can say is that it will pass. some other annoying thing will crop up, yes, but this thing will pass.

[Snapper]

Wish I could be of help, but can only offer sympathy - we're having drinking problems too. Munchkin (7mo) HATES formula, tried 3 types, in every type of vessel imaginable. She's thrown it up, spit it out and gags (it's kindof funny, actually) Takes BM w/no problem. Working a variety of solids into her diet, but I can only pump so much - she's drinking 24-30oz/day (3x/week when I work), the little piggy! Counting down to 12mos.
Looking forward to everyone's advice.

[pixie]

I know some ladies in my mommy group can get their kids to sip water our of a water bottle by basically holding it to the kidslips and slowly helping them drink from it. I've seen it work on a few kids and even tried it with my kid (who won't take water from a bottle or sippy cup). I dont have the issues above as my girl is just about 7 months, but I have seen that work with some 9/10 month olds and it has worked with my girl (though i was just playing around).

[Lorraine]

I'm going to second the suggestion that you try an open cup. My 10-month old won't take a bottle or a sippy from me, and he's starting to refuse all bottles unless he can hold them - at daycare less than at home, natch. But if we hold up an open cup for him, he'll drink out of it. It's REALLY messy - about 1/3 of the milk or water goes into him, the rest onto him or the floor - but he enjoys it and gets some milk/water, and I get a little less worry.

[Today Wendy]

Wow, that sounds really frustrating!

One thing we used to do a lot with my daughter when she was this age was to offer her water on a spoon. She would be sitting in her high chair, or on a lap, while we were eating dinner...and she obviously needed some liquid to help swallow whatever food she was eating...so we would just dip a large spoon into a cup of water and let her sip it off the spoon. Of course it takes forever to give them a reasonable amount of liquid, so this may actually be a terrible suggestion.

[Stacey]

Would you smack me if I said my first thought was to can the nanny? Any caregiver worth her salt would work with a mother who is struggling like this, not lord it over her. It might be worth it to send the nanny away for a week or two and spend some time working with the Munchkin. Stay relaxed, as he is most likely feeling your anxiety. He associates you with the breast and it's not unusual for a child to take the breast from mom and not a bottle. Time for some hardcore one on one! If sending the nanny away for a week or two works then you might want to see if you can work out a modified schedule at work...don't quit...because it's something you worked hard for and it's important to have something in your life that is just for you. But maybe see if you can work from home a few days a week so you can spend more time with your son. I don't want to harsh on the nanny too much...but does she have children of her own? Does she know that she is making yoru life more difficult? Has she become too attached to your son? Like Moxie said...maybe you need to sit her down and have a talk.

As for Jenny...Playing with the sippy cup is happening in my house right now. My 1 year old B/G twins are still on a bottle and we are working on sippy cups...but it's slow going. I can't get them to take more than 2-3oz at a time from the cups then it's all bite the spout and toss the cup around time. They associate milk with a bottle and it's going to take time to switch that association to a cup. Just keep offering it every chance you get and start decreasing the amount of milk given in the bottle. Also try a different cup. Maybe the spout feels funny to him or it's the wrong shape. If he is teething like mine are then the spout may feel good to chew on and he does not think to drink from it. You could go the all or nothing way and try a real cup. It's messy at first but they get the hang of it and there is less chewing and playing. I may try this route next as I'm getting tired of them chewing and not drinking :o)

[Erin]

I have the opposite problem with my breastfed 9 month old baby. He used to take 15oz of pumped milk at daycare every day. There were even times he would seem hungry after eating all that. Recently, I'm lucky if he'll take 5oz. As soon as we get home, he'll polish off one of the bottles he was supposed to eat at daycare. We tried sending his milk in a sippy cup today to see if that will help, but both us and the daycare providers are stumped.

He's been going to the same daycare since he was 12 weeks old and other than the first day, has never had trouble taking bottles from them.

[Tamar]

I'm another one who can't be of much help, but my son (almost 7 months) also won't take a bottle anywhere other than daycare (which he attends 3 half-days a week). And yeah, my ped's advice was also "just keep trying, eventually he'll get it." We haven't had to go through the worry that Jenny and Cybele are going through, but I do know what it's like just not have that assurance that the baby isn't hungry or thirsty at times. It is also a stress for his dad, grandparents, and aunt who'd love to be able to feed him (and give me a worry-free break or a night off).

Anyway, I hope it'll be a small reassurance to know that other babies do this, and probably would regardless of whether they're in someone else's care for a short time each week or a long one. I think, at least at my baby's age, that it's an associative thing as opposed to an emotional one - like, "when I go to this colorful loud place with the other babies, I drink from the bottle." But when he's at grandma's and sometimes mama is around for nursing purposes and sometimes not, why not wait for her to hurry up and get there?

[Slim]

It is possible the nanny is just joking around (ill-advisedly, although as a PS, I would like to point out that a nanny who is working 40-45 hours a week is likely NOT spending more of his waking hours with him than you are, and the zesty blend of guilt and misery such thinking can induce are probably what's making you think you should quit, and don't quit for that reason).

That said, if it's not funny to you, tell her now, quickly and directly "I am really worried about my child, and it bothers me when you say that, because it seems as though you're gloating."

I tried a range of bottles and sippy cups with my first; we ended up with cups without a valve. My youngest got a Nuby, which seemed great in theory, but he didn't like it. Although weirdly, after trying the Nuby, he was much more receptive to the cup -- maybe my kids need to know that things could be worse? What a grim childhood.

I think the first time any of my children drank happily from an open cup, they were downing bathwater.

[laura]

I didn't read all of the comments, but mine is for Jenny:

When my son was about 9 months old he got a rockin' ear infection that put him off the bottle. I was working full time and we were still breastfeeding at night/weekends, probably 3x per day. I just started to give him more watered down solid foods--applesauce, oatmeal made with formula or breastmilk, etc. Also, he couldn't use the sippy cup yet but he could take small sips from a regular cup. I put some liquid in a small medicine-measuring cup and he had a lot of fun drinking from that cup like mommy and daddy. It isn't the same as the bottle, I know, but it did work for us during the transition to the sippy.

[Aaron]

I'm not much help with the bottle issues as my N switched betw bottle and nursing really well after the first week or so of introducing the bottle at around 10 weeks.

My comment is on the sippy cup vs open cup. N is just shy of 9 months and won't drink from a sippy cup. She likes to try to drink from an open cup much more. Like some of the above comments it is really messy and I've only really offered her water to help get some drier food down, but it works and she has a blast. My husband and I crack up every time she uses an open cup b/c she seems so proud of herself. Anywho, give the open cup a try and hang in there!!

[wendy]

I have twins who would never take a bottle....from anyone. I am currently a SAHM so it isn't too much of an issue but I can only imagine the frustation and sadness you are experiencing. The only suggestion I can offer came from my lactation consultant when I HAD to leave my little ones for a feeding to see a doc when they were 6 months old. I used a medicine syringe. They would open up like little birdies and take 2-3 cc at a time. This is tedium defined but if you are really concerned it may be a nice stopgap solution until your little guy decides to eat. Good luck!

[cybele]

First, let me just thank the posters who have responded so far. It's SO good to know I'm not the only one! The ped looked at me like I was nuts (you know that look...).

The comments about my nanny have been particularly interesting. In re-reading my post on a public site, I can see so clearly how mixed my feelings are about her. This isn't the first time this type of thing has come up; I suspect that, as Moxie said, she may think that I don't care or don't love my child the way she does. I'm conflicted, though, because she is so AWESOME with the Munchkin (who I have to admit, even as a mom with stars in her eyes, is not an easy baby at all) - energetic, caring, etc. I think about replacing her all the time, but then I see his little face light up when she comes in the morning, and think that I shouldn't disrupt this happy relationship he has for an issue that solely mine.

You are all right though; I need to find ways to address this with my nanny directly (does anyone else find it hard to communicate with the nanny/sitter, language barriers aside?).

[Moxie]

My dad's advice is: "The best thing a man can do for his child is to love the child's mother."

I think the same thing applies here--if the nanny dislikes you and antagonistic toward you, how is that really loving your son? It's selfish instead of truly loving.

[caramama]

Those do sound like frustrating issues you guys are dealing with. I've got a couple thoughts...

I'm reminded of a discussion a few weeks (months?) ago about napping at daycare. There were a lot of people who said that their kids who wouldn't nap well at home had no problem taking the scheduled naps at daycares. Maybe this is something similar in that a different person and process brings out a different response.

I have stopped pumping at work (wooo hooo!!!) and we are giving the Pumpkin cow's milk to go down for her naps at my mom's (daycare). I thought we'd just continue this on the weekends, and while it is going okay to get her to nap, she wants to nurse when she wakes up. This past weekend, I was able to nurse her fine over the weekend even though I didn't think I'd have anything for her.

Around 9 months, the Pumpkin started nursing less (as mentioned by others), but still took her bottles fine. So it might not be a bottle thing, just when the baby is with mommy, they don't want to eat? Ours started back to her regular nursing after this fussy period/wonder week was over.

What about going up a nipple size on the bottle? Don't most bottles have a larger size for the older baby because they are reading to drink faster?

As for the sippy cups, mine wouldn't take one and I didn't keep pushing. Instead, we tried straw cups (thanks, Moxie!!) and they have been working great. I highly recommend trying them or the open cup that works so well for some people.

About the nanny... I'm sure the language barrier is tough. But if she is feeling like you don't care or whatever, I'll bet just trying to have that conversation would (hopefully) make her realize that you do care very much. Even if your little one just lights up to see the nanny, if you are not happy or comfortable in the relationship I think your little one will eventually pick up on it. We all have to deal with family members that annoy us but love our kids... should we put up with that in those that we hire to watch our kids? You are the mother, and she should respect that as a fellow woman AND as an employee. Definitely something you should address.

Good luck to you both!

[Barb]

Cybele- I was a nanny for 3 years and I am horrified that your nanny would ever make you feel like less of the fantastic mother that you are! My employer and I made sure the lines of communication were open and even though that means you have to have some uncomfortable conversations sometimes, it's better in the end to be up-front. At the end of the day, you are her employer. It's great that she loves your baby, but he is YOUR baby and you have the right to expect respect and compassion from her. I always felt that it was my place to care for the child and support the mom, maybe you need to redefine her role for her, saying something like, "I appreciate your awesome care for my child, but part of what I expect of you is to support me in my decisions as his mother."

[Cloud]

@Snapper- have you tried the "baby cocktail", mixing the least hated formula w/breast milk? Some moms I know do this to stretch out their supply. I also have one friend who was shocked to discover her son would drink formula when she visited her home country (in Europe), even though he wouldn't touch American formula. Apparently, the European stuff was sweeter.

For the main post- I can tell you that we have had all sorts of eating issues off and on since about 8 months, which are only now clearing up (at 11.5 months). At one point she got sick and wouldn't nurse or take a bottle, so I resorted to feeding her with a medicine dropper, which worked well (although it was time consuming). Also, the only sippy cup she'll use is one with a hard spout. We use the "take and toss" kind from First Years, and just don't toss.

Pumpkin definitely eats her solids better at day care than for us, particularly if her favorite day care worker is feeding her. I'm mostly OK with this, and just let them introduce new things, which I then can try to feed her at home. It was really depressing when I first realized this though (the "why can't I feed my baby?" issue).

[paola]

I first want to say that 9 months is really really tough. At least it was for me. So Cybele, don't even joke about quitting your job, because you worked hard for it, and because in a few months, when things are different, you may regret it. Just know it's hard but your son will find a solution he's comfortable with. I think that age was tough for me because in many ways my son started being more assertive. And some of the things he choose to assert himself with (feeding and liquid intake, yes indeed) are probably not the things you'd prefer. But taking a break from trying, trying not to focus on the issue may just be what you both need.
As someone commented before, in hindsight, 'maybe I was trying too hard'.
My son loved drinking from a cup or from a straw (but I never measured ounces, and I'm sure if I did, it would have not been enough to the pediatrician's standards). He never took a bottle and he mastered drinking from a cup and a straw thanks to a link posted on Ask Moxie.
Cybele, I would not ask your sitter to stay late to feed your child. Think of all good things you do for your son, enjoy the fact that he wants to play with you so much... he will not starve. If you feel up to it, maybe just nurse during the day on the weekends. Maybe the comfort he will get from nursing will get him the reassurance and attention he needs, and that may be enough for him to then try playing around with a straw or an open cup, especially if it's offered in a new place/situation.
In both Cybele and Jenny's cases, I'd try introducing a straw or an open cup as a game. Give them lots of watery fruit. If the child starts developing constipation, then you have an issue. If they don't, and they have their share of wet diapers, then they're meeting their liquid needs (how kids from 8 months to 16 months meet their nutritional needs is still a mistery to me, honestly).

[janel]

I second all of the recommendations to offer open cups or to put liquids in foods. Also consider foods that are naturally hydrating, like kiwi or pears.

For Cybele: You know the saying "If Mama's not happy, ain't nobody happy?" If you decide that you're really unhappy with your nanny, then your child's relationship with her shouldn't be the deciding factor. I'm not saying that she's not good with your son, but there are lots of people who could be good with your son, while also being good with you too. For my husband and I, having a babysitter that *we* felt comfortable around was extremely important. After all, when she arrives in the morning, we are usually only half dressed, haven't brushed our hair, etc. And more importantly, feeling comfortable around her I think leads to better communication about what's going on with our son.

Also, if you're up for it, I would give weekend daytime breastfeeding a go. Don't worry about what you think your supply is. If your baby seems content then this should take away some of your worry. It sounds like forcing the bottle is a battle you can't win. Why waste your precious baby time fighting?

[Catherine]

Oh, my, I feel this -- my nine-month-old daughter took a bottle well for about two weeks, when she was tiny, and then we watched things slowly, painfully deteriorate until it became clear she wasn't having any more of it. We tried many, many different kinds of nipples and used a medicine dropper and offered a sippy cup and finally just gave up. As it happens, I *am* about to defend my dissertation -- which was the saving grace: although writing and revising and going on job interviews wasn't always wholly compatible with nursing every three hours, it's been okay. And the best advice I think I can give isn't practical at all, but emotional: obviously, if you are truly concerned about your baby not getting enough to eat or drink, then try anything and everything to fix that, but setting that aside, see if you can experiment with accepting the status quo. Imagine the worst case scenario -- for me that was: I will need to do all of my on-campus interviews with the baby in tow and request regular breaks to nurse her -- and see what it feels like. I can't tell you how much happier my husband and I were when we just gave ourselves permission to consider the bottle-giving attempts over -- agonizing every day over how we might get the baby to cooperate and failing again and again made us crazy; by comparison, informing the chairs of various academic departments that I would need to run back to my hotel to breastfeed immediately after giving my lecture was a piece of cake. I hope this doesn't sound insensitive -- if you are in fact fearful for your baby''s health, then I wish I had better advice. Man, do I ever: I *did* get a job, and if we can't persuade the little one to drink something from anything that isn't my breast in the next five months... well, I just have to trust that that tooo won't be the end of the world.

[mrsgryphon]

I'm another one who doesn't have much advice to add, but can commiserate with the issues at hand. Our Bean stopped breastfeeding during the day at 8 months (would still nurse just before bedtime, a quick snack once in the night, and another 5-minute snack first thing in the morning) but refused to drink anything at all during the day. Sippies, bottles, open cups, straw cups, spoon-feeding... we tried it all. Eventually, she was down to one nursing session a day for about 6 weeks, then fully weaned at 12 months and still not drinking anything EXCEPT at the daycare that she started going to at 11 months. How frustrating! We'd been trying for months, and then this new care-giver gives her a sippy cup and she drinks the whole thing down. We did find, after she started drinking at her dayhome, that if we were at a friend's house or out at a restaurant, she would be more eager to TRY drinking from something - an open cup of ice water at a restaurant, or a sippy of juice at a friend's playdate. The trigger for drinking at home was seeing a little friend drinking from a bottle - our Bean thought it was hilarious, and walked around "drinking" out of an empty bottle for the friend's whole visit, chuckling to herself. From that point on, she would drink out of just about anything at home.

She's 2 now, and we've seen her personality develop to the point that I'm quite sure it was a power struggle with her. She is stubborn to the point of extremes at times, and I now believe that it was just her little way of controlling something in her environment. Good luck to you! You are not alone!

[Kate]

@ Erin: Has your LO been upping the nursing when you are around? All night long, for instance? If so, could be a classic case of reverse cycling--just eating/drinking enough to "get by" until you are around. Although you mention that he's willing to drink a bottle at home instead of direct-from-the source. It could just be that he's missing you (the separation anxiety that Moxie mentioned) and this is how it's manifesting.

Based on my son, 9 months was just tough all around. Sleep regression, separation anxiety, big developmental things--standing/cruising.

I am a SAHM, but he basically reverse-cycled on me because there was too much interesting stuff going on during the day to pay me any mind. If my daughter wasn't in preschool (and she went very PT when he was that age), he'd nurse for only a minute or two and then crawl off to check out what she was doing. Then he'd nurse many times overnight to make up for it. Fun times.

[Katy]

I'm a SAHM and my 9 month old is on all bottle-fed formula (and solids). Most of the time when I feed him, he sits reclined in his high chair (which allows me to jump up in the middle to deal with the toddler when needed). The few times he has seemed to reject a bottle, or not drink much, seem to be when someone holds him rather than feeding him in the high chair. Sometimes he'll act like he isn't hungry when my husband holds him to feed him, but once we put him in the high chair, he sucks the whole bottle down. (He is usually willing to eat while being held, but the times when he has issues only seem to occur when he's being held to be fed.)

Just thought I'd mention it as another option. Perhaps you (or Dad or Grandma) could try feeding him while he's in a high chair or bouncy or whatever, rather than holding him. While I doubt you'd want that as a long term solution (it's so nice to hold and cuddle them while feeding), if it works maybe it would get you through this phase and gradually he'd accept you feeding him with the bottle all the time.

I hope that helps. Please know that this kind of problem is not a reflection on your mothering skills!! Babies not wanting to accept a bottle from you (or for that matter, refusing the breast) are NOT doing it because of anything to do with your mothering skills. If anything, I think that if there is a behavior difference between what they do with you and what they do with the nanny/daycare, it's probably BECAUSE they know you and love you more than anything in the world, but they just have a frustrating way of showing it!

[anastasiav]

"She has to know how much it hurts you that he spends more time with her than with you already, so why would she be purposely making you feel worse about the dynamic?"

Cybele, I'm glad you posted your follow up comments, but as a fellow working mom (I work a full time day job plus a part time job 2-3 nights per week) I just wanted to touch on Moxie's comment that I've highlighted above.

I will bet my bottom dollar that your nanny isn't spending more awake hours with your son than you are. I actually had to sit down and to the math (the March 11 post on my website breaks everything down if you want to see the criteria I used), and when I did I found that my son spends 53 hours per week awake with at least one parent vs. 45 hours with our care provider. I know you feel conflicted about this - trust me that we all do - but you have to do what is best for your whole family (including you) not just what you (or society) perceive as being "best for baby".

Whatever you do, I would not advise you to fire the nanny "cold turkey". Last fall I tried to change my son's care provider in a very sudden way, and it caused a nightmare situation for everyone concerned; a professional who I respect told me later that losing a beloved care provider is, for the child, as confusing and overwhelming as losing a parent to death, and based on my son's reaction I would completely believe that.

I don't know a good solution to your problem (I have the opposite issue - my son is in love with his "Ba" and wants to keep it close to him wherever he is), but I might try spending some time feeding him when both you and the nanny are in the room - maybe have her start off feeding him and you take over, for example. At your son's age my son also started drinking from open cups and learned to drink from a straw very shortly thereafter - learning to do either of these things will probably help him get more liquid in him. If you're worried about dehydration, keep track of how many diapers are used in day (just like when he was a newborn). You may be surprised. At our house we have days when I'm convinced that my son eats nothing but a slice of cheese and 4 oz of milk in a day, but we still have 4-6 wet diapers, so he's clearly doing ok.

I also wouldn't hesitate to talk with her about your feelings. Be upfront and proactive in talking with her about the idea that she somehow loves your son "more" than you do, or that you feel that she's "lording over you" the fact that he drinks from a bottle for the nanny but not for you. Remember, this woman works for you - you should feel free to talk with her about her attitude and performance in the same way that you would talk to any employee - not to mention the fact that you both should have the same central goal - the baby's best interest - at heart. (I'd also share with her the fact that you feel very lucky to have her caring for your son when you can't be there, and make clear how clear it is to you that your son loves her so much.)

It’s a fortunate feature of the human psyche that love is a bottomless well (and more so in babies, I truly believe, who love everyone they love completely and unconditionally, with their entire bodies and souls, reserving nothing), so there is no need to make it a competition between the two of you - he loves each of you, but behaves in different ways for each of you (just as he behaves differently for his parents, or grandparents, or whomever).

You're a good mom. Your son loves you (and his father too).

[hedra]

I agree with the 'communicate with the nanny on this' comments. Last nanny we had the kids didn't like quite as much as yours likes yours, though I communicated with her well and she was as supportive of me as I needed... but I'd have traded for someone who was more the light of my kids life, and wasn't so good with me. THAT, I think I could work with. Much harder to get the kids to adore someone they mainly do okay with but don't actually love.

So, good luck with that.

For the bottles issue. I just bfed all day on weekends. See if it works. BUT, we also had some autonomy/control issues around food at that age (varied by child) - to the point that one of my twins (M) declined to eat almost at all when she was with me. The problem was what was mentioned above - I was too involved in the process. Even how much grip I had on a spoon was an issue. A much lighter touch was required, but to get to that point, I had to actually back ALL THE WAY off, and leave her to her own (messy) methods. Solids she had to run herself, and anything liquid I had to get her to drink without my help. Even nursing, she'd get ticked if I so much as adjusted myself for a better position. SHE was running things where food for her was concerned, and her answer to the slightest intervention (even ones that would have made the process easier for her) were met with rejection/resistance/refusal. She needed to do it herself. She needed to make the mistakes, the messes, and develop the control herself. She is very sensitive to the idea that she 'cannot' and so any hint that she needs help is met with fury or despair. She either believes me too much, or decides that I'm trying to prevent her entirely. Whee. I can't count the number of times I ended up saying, 'dang, sorry, I was trying to help. I'll stop now.'

And from the perspective of a mom of a kid with a feeding disorder - stop fretting about 'eating enough'. They choose how much to eat. Average consumption across a week, not daily. And keep in mind that being with you is absorbing, fascinating, and important. Have you ever forgotten to notice that you were hungry when something really exciting was going on? That's them. They're engaged fully on a different level, so the food, eh, not so important.

At the same time, you may be able to use that fascination to your advantage if you're concerned about behavior from over-hungry child, etc (the ramifications of not eating well for a couple days)... feed them your food on your lap. Around this age, the kids all became lap-eaters at least occasionally. The food was all 'my food' or 'daddy's food' - we'd chop it up small enough on our plate (pretending that's how we eat it ourselves), and they'd eat that. One of my kids decided she was a 'big chunks' kid, and would refuse it if it was small (R), so we ended up doing strips (big enough in one dimension anyway) for her. If they could grab it off our plate themselves, all the better.

There were also various 'autonomy' games that came into play around then, IIRC. Things like mock-complaining that they'd taken my food. Over time, we worked them back to a sense that my food is mainly for me, your food is mainly for you, and that's still greeted with dinner theft at 3 1/2, but it was a method I was willing to use at the time - annoying at times now, but not catastrophic, and they are learning the boundaries as they mature.

Overall, I wouldn't worry about it much. As they get older, the amount they need to thrive drops substantially, as well. After four kids, including the one who was in the feeding clinic and the other three with the dietary problems, I *still* overestimate how much they need to thrive. Fortunately, I've also become very good at letting them decide when to stop. I just end up wasting food as a result. Sigh. With them choosing what to eat, and how much (and me just selecting what to offer), they're all thriving, growing, maintaining good diets (despite the limited foods on the eldest, even now). Every time I start freaking out about how much they need to be eating of something else, I make myself go run their actual intake through the My Pyramid tracker. And every time, even though G is only eating weird stuff and the same stuff all the time, his diet comes out as 'short on fiber and vitamin A' (and not that short on vitamin A) - yet he's also very sensitive to the fiber, so for HIM, it's a good level. A multivitamin every other day is all he needs for optimal. So I have to back my parental anxiety truck up and let them take the lead again.

Other things we've used to help them maintain control over their diet/intake:
1) Avent sippies with handles.
2) Open cup training.
3) Straws in open cups.
4) Straw travel cups (the kind with the flip-up straw).
5) Fountain-drink type cups with straws.
"wet" fruits and veggies in 'safe feeder' type feeders. (the really don't need that much liquid if they eat wet foods)
6) chunky solids
7) dip-and-eat utensils (the kind they use themselves)
8) 'fingerpainting' meals (soft foods and purees on a tray I consider safe for eating off)
9) Very small servings of foods in 'blobs' around tray (too much overwhelmed some of the kids, made them not want to eat it)
tether for the bottle (for throwing overboard)
10) sign language for more/done (and trusting them when they say it).
snack cups for cereal/other dry foods.
11) bfing during the day on weekends after I stopped pumping.
12) NOT watching them eat. (Some of my kids were very sensitive to the power of eating, regarding me, and used it as a stick to beat me with if they knew I cared. Especially starting at 9-10 months. Refusing to eat if I was watching was a big thing. I learned to project 'eat if you like, whatever' when they were eating.)

Good luck. It seems to me that there's more that isn't a problem in both situations than there is problem. It's just *stressful*, that's all. The transition around 9-10 months to their understanding that they have the power to choose to eat or not eat, when, and how much, is HUGE for them, and really strange and alarming for us. We're used to doing for them, and we're used to being concerned about how much goes in, when, and what. Losing that concern a bit is hard. My kids pretty much had to beat it out of me, and I'd been through the rounds already. It's still not entirely gone, but I'm much better.

[liphovela]

I'm going to agree with the idea to try an open cup or a water bottle. My son liked to drink out of both of those more than a sippy or bottle when he was this age. It is messy.

Also, I'd say that you should try nursing on the weekends. In my experience, your body will figure out how to manage this, strange as it sounds.
I was also at work full time when my son was this age and he nursed more on weekends than he did in the week.

[hedra]

You'd think I could have numbered all of them. That's what I get for numbering after the fact... sigh.

[Jenny]

Thanks to all of you for your helpful advice! I do think it's a power struggle. My mom says he's a clone of me when it comes to personality, and there's a good reason my parents called me a "badger" when I was little. I'm about as Type A, go after what I want hardcore, etc. as you can get. I think that's why my son and I have some tough times - we may be too similar and stubborn! :) Anyway, I'll try the open cup some more. He's actually always VERY interested in trying to drink from an open cup, but he just kind of lets it hit his mouth and lips and doesn't drink much. I guess with practice he'll get better?!? We tried the straw cup, which I thought would work (since he sucks on his sippy spout without tipping the cup upwards), but he just chewed on the straw.

His separation anxiety is in full swing these days, as well as the standing/cruising and teething. To top it off, he's got a bad cold. Needless to say, it's been a little tricky lately! Thanks to Moxie and everyone here for helping me.

On a side note: It's very interesting to me that my first question to everyone here had to do with bottles and drinking, which is really never been our biggest problem. We've had MAJOR nap issues since 3 months, but I've come to the conclusion that there's not much more I can try to do/learn/whatever to make the nap situation improve, so I'm just waiting on it to work itself out. My thoughts and struggles on the nap issue are too extensive for dumping on all of you! But, I digress... :)

[ML]

Hedra's comment about issues of eating control at 9-10 mo really struck a chord with me--my son went through that by going on a week-long nursing strike (he had always refused the bottle from anyone, dad and nanny included) while he had an unfortunate bout of diarrhea. Fun times! There was a lot of stress around this time and unfortunately, he never got back on the boob. I have no useful advice, really: we survived by constantly offering him a variety of vessels to drink out of (open cups, sippys) and spoon feeding him pedialyte and breast milk as well as milky or liquidy food. It's easy to tell people, oh your baby won't starve him/herself, but to some extent it's true. I remember that time as particularly hard for us, but we muddled through somehow. (And now my kid is 14 mo, by the way.)

[Mary]

My mother-in-law has acted very similarly to the nanny, and, unfortunately, I can't fire her. You've received some very good advice on whether or not to keep the nanny. Some people are just naturally kind of annoying (my MIL) but it doesn't mean they are bad people or bad with kids. If overall she's pretty good and makes your baby happy, consider keeping her, even if being direct about some issues doesn't change her irritating behavior to you. You are the one who can best judge whether the good stuff is worth putting up with the bad stuff. Just try to remember that it's her, not you.

You've also gotten great advice about trying different kind of drinking devices, nursing on weekends and eating juicy pieces of fruit. Both of my kids subsist on shockingly small amounts of liquid, but a bowl full of pieces of watermelon guarantees a soaking wet diaper (and, um, colorful poop). I'm also happy to add a small amount of chai or choc syrup to make milk a little more palatable. My little one will drink "chai tea" or "choc milk" or even "coffee," but she won't drink plain milk.

I try not to notice or worry about food consumption other than right before bed. At bedtime I want that tummy to be full enough to keep her asleep all night. Other than that, I provide snacks and meals throughout the day and but ignore consumption.

[Diane]

Oh, this takes me back. Here I thought I had the only baby in the world who hated to drink! Our daughter has always been at the bottom of the weight chart, so we were encouraged to get 20 oz. of breast milk into her each day (I had to pump due to reflux and needing to add cereal and yada yada, unimportant to the topic.) We spent months writing down every feeding, the time, the number of ounces, struggling every day to get that 20 oz. into her.

I'd like to tell you something finally helped, but nothing ever did. She's always been very active and more interested in anything but eating. The most success we had was using straw cups and giving her bottles when she was really sleeping. (Most nights, half of that 20 oz. would be made up at bedtime!) She's now a 19-month old who is still at the bottom of the weight chart who gets probably 75% of her fluid intake in the middle of the night (water, but she'd take the milk if we gave it to her.) During the day? I fill one 9 oz. sippy, and we're lucky if it gets finished by bedtime.

Just hang in there, is all I can say. Give them as much water-filled food as you can on the weekend to stave off the dehydration.

[Charisse]

Howdy, just more reinforcement here--Mouse always seemed to eat/drink differently at daycare vs. at home. Sometimes better at home, sometimes better at daycare, but almost never the same. And she was also one who would often go on little liquid at daycare and save it for nursing. Scared me, especially as our daycare provider tended to compare her to other babies in her care who were drinking 27 oz to her 4 or something...but she really was fine.

I'll also say that you can nurse on weekends and not pump during the week--I did it for several months after we switched to daytime cow's milk at daycare. It would be a little uncomfortable on Monday and she'd have to work kind of hard on Saturday, but my body adjusted. So...it's possible (not that that means you want to, just saying).

Good luck!

[d]

Would letting him suck on frozen milk/juice/ice help him get hydrated? Mine loved that, and if only you do it it might be a special thing between you and him that the nanny is not part of.

I was a nanny, and what she is doing is not ok. So not ok. You have to address it, you pay her to help not hinder. Draw up some clear lines/boundaries and let her know that she is adding to your stresses not helping them. She probably hasnt even realised she is doing it.

[Sandra]

I don't have much to say about bottle drinking specifically (mine chose sippy cups over bottles at 8 months), but I second whomever mentioned the power of social suggestion above. My son (15 months) will eat anything and everything that I send with him to daycare and I'm pretty sure it's because he sees everyone else eating around him. At daycare he also needs to be (and gets to be) more autonomous around eating since there are more kids than providers, so everyone can't be fed simultaneously. Fewer control issues there too. At home I'm lucky if he'll drink 2-3 ounces of milk at a time and he will very meticulously pile all of the foods that he doesn't want to the side of his plate. Picky little bugger. But, as Hedra said, I try to average over the week and let go of my lingering need to have him have the perfect diet (ha!).

I also second the breastfeeding during the day on the weekends. This continues to work fine for us, though he is decreasing the amount he is nursing (too much to do and see, I suspect). But my body adjusted quickly with just a little bit of engorgement on Mondays initially. (And I forgot to wear breastpads on my first day of not pumping at work. Um, total embarrassing leakage!)

As far as talking with childcare providers - I find that difficult too, but it's more about asserting with confidence the fact that I know more about my son than his daycare providers do, even if they do spend a significant chunk of the week with him. That's mostly mommy guilt at play, I think. That's not to say that I don't discuss issues if they arise, but I'm also so darned tentative about it. Put it on my personal growth plan, I guess.

[Becky]

Don't have time to read all the comments now, so sorry if I'm repeating!

My dd went on a massive nursing strike around 8.5mo. Didn't want to nurse for almost 10 days, could only get her to nurse when she had just woken up from a nap and was still groggy. We'd give her a sippy cup to drink from, but if she got down an ounce we were EXCITED! I had planned to wean at 9mo (had to travel then for a week+) but decided to do it at the strike b/c it seemed better. However, I was of course terrified that my milk would dry up from the strike and she wouldn't drink from her sippy cup and we'd all be doomed.

Here's what ultimately worked for me: at our last nursing session, I told her how much I loved her and that she was a big girl and that she wasn't going to be able to drink from mom anymore, that she'd have to drink from a sippy now. Then the next time we sat down to drink from a sippy cup, I put in heated, whole milk (instead of lukewarm milk or formula) and... she chugged it. All 6oz.

I might have just gotten lucky with the end of the strike coinciding with the sippy cup, but I think a loving rational explanation and maybe changing the pattern of giving the cup or its contents a bit is worth a shot.

That was a brutal time, worrying about her dehydration, etc. I wish you all the best as you're working through it. And Cybele, I'm sorry about your nanny and pediatricians being so ... difficult!

[Jen_nifer]

I got about 3/4 through the comments, but wanted to throw in my two cents before I have to run off to a meeting.

My son has always been a good eater and drinker, but perhaps some of what we did might help Cybele or Jenny. Is the child feeding himself yet? At quite young (I thought) he would eat much more if he fed himself than if I or anyone else tried to help him. I just went for it, and did a little more laundry.

As others have said, I would try offering lots of watery fruits/veggies, and try sippy cups without the valve if you haven't already.

[Victoria]

I also recommend the open cup with water- if your child thinks it's amusing, maybe only let you do it, so it's special.

My munchkin loves the baby Einstein animal video (I always swore she'd never watch TV. Ha!) She only started taking a bottle at 7 months when I put her in my lap, facing out, and let her watch the animals while I fed her the bottle. If she's being difficult about taking the bottle, it works every time (I only use that video for this purpose, so it's special for her.)

[Jan]

I don't have time this morning to read everyone else's comments, but I do have a suggestion for Cybele.

I had supply issues with my kids and I used a supplemental nurser. It's a plastic container you fill with formula. The lid has two tubes coming out of it -- you use a little surgical tape to attach the tubes to your breasts with the ends just at your nipples. The container hangs (lid down) around your neck and the baby nurses as usual. It takes a little practice, but it could work for you. (It will also probably increase your production, since the baby is nursing the whole time he's feeding.)

If I were you, I'd try making the bottle-feeding scenario as much like breast feeding as possible.

I never had trouble with bottle-feeding, but my kids have an elaborate going-to-bed ritual that abso-positively MUST be followed when I'm putting them to bed, but their caregivers are totally unaware of. I think it has to do with our connection, honestly. They know the nanny isn't Mommy, and they don't expect from her what they expect from me in the way of loving interaction. I wonder if maybe your son is displaying the same sort of expectation of loving comfort (in the form of breastfeeding) from you, but not from the nanny.

I have trouble imagining that a nanny would 'lord it over you' about the feeding if she had any idea how bothered you are by it. She might just think it's a way to show you how well she's doing with him. If I were you, I'd probably let her see how much I were hurting and hope that she took the hint. (I know, non-confrontational/passive-aggressive much?)

I got nothing for Jenny except a recollection that when I transitioned my younger one from a bottle to a sippy (let's say he wasn't thrilled) and I was worried about dehydration, I made sure to stock up on watemelon, grapes, etc so he was getting more fluids in his food.

[rudyinparis]

Hi Cybele and Jenny,

I went and looked up Brazleton online (I think I did a Google search of "Brazleton" and "food" or something similar)--I've always found what he had to see on food/liquid consumption to be reassuring. I couldn't cut and paste in here (I suspect because of copyright issues, and rightfully so) but you may like to try doing that for some reassurance. Basically, the amount that--he's discussing toddlers, and your children and both edging up on that--but the amount toddlers need is, actually, not much at all. And we do get a lot of our water from our food. And it doesn't sound to me that either of your children are in distress.

As for the nanny issue--our daycare provider is, how shall I describe her, I want to say bossy but that seems so negative! She's assertive, as I think most anyone involved professionally with helping care for children must be. It just seems like a skill-set for the job. It has always been very hard for me to, in essence, stand up to her. It's not hard to figure out why--she has tons more experience with kids than I do, and also it's the whole "complaining to the waiter" issue--what if they spit in your food? That is, what if they decide to punish your child for your belligerance. That said, I have at times screwed up my courage and addressed issues and it has never been a problem. She has always been very receptive and, as a matter of fact, I know she respects me for being an involved parent as a result. Truly, I think the kind of person drawn to child care as a career most likely also has a strong personality. It's not a job for wimps, as we all know. I encourage you to speak your mind with your nanny. I think she may be more open than you fear. These issues you feel, I think, really need to be addressed. Good luck!

[C loud]

Popping back in to add- at around 9 months, Pumpkin wanted nothing to do with any food we gave her that she couldn't hold herself. Then a month later she only wanted her purees from a spoon. I think there is definitely something to the idea that there are eating issues around this time. Now she eats both.

Our nursing/drinking strike only last one and a half days and coincided with a very upset tummy, and I was gutted. It is a horrible thing. And of course the doctor's office is just saying we have to get fluids in her to replace what she was losing. Umm, thanks guys. I hadn't thought of that! Luckily, we thought to try the dropper idea I mentioned earlier. We had noticed how much she enjoyed getting vitamins (or medicine) from a dropper, so we thought to try that and were able to keep her hydrated that way.

[Joy]

Hi! Home Daycare provider here... I just wanted to comment on the nanny issue. It's horrible to feel that she's lording anything over you, and since everything else seems to be working out very well, I definitely agree with everyone who's suggested talking your feelings over with her. It may make her feel needed and fulfilled that your munchkin has taken so well to her (don't we all want to feel that way?), but it's wrong of her to make light of your concerns.
Having seen many kids over the years behave very differently with me than they do with their parents, I want to stress that it's totally normal for a child to be better behaved all around for a caregiver than for their own parents. I've had many kids who've given their parents fits at home behave like angels for me, and my own kids have done the same for other people, while I'm at my wits end with them at home. They do that because they feel more secure with you and therefore more comfortable acting out frustrations with you than with anyone else. They instinctively know you'll stick with them no matter how unbearable they may be to live with at any given time.

I think Hedra's spot on with her suggestions, especially the advice to just let go and enjoy them while they're with you. I love the fingerpainting with food idea.

Hope things work out well for you.

[Joy]

Again, daycare provider here, one more thing..

Been reading all the comments about being afraid to address issues with D/C providers, and I just want to say PLEASE TALK TO US!!! It's miserable to have a tiny feeling that a parent may not be happy with something I'm doing, but have absolutely no idea what it may be!!! And believe me, most of the time, I can totally tell when there's an issue that's bothering someone. The best relationships with parents are those that have the most open communication.

Start with, 'I really appreciate all you're doing for X, and I really feel lucky to have you as a provider, but there's a little something that's been bothering me lately.' Or something similar.

If you were doing something wrong at work and it was bothering everybody, wouldn't you want your supervisor to tell you about it?

Please!! Talk to us!!! We like to feel we're doing the best job we can for your kids! Really!

P.s. I promise i'll never spit in your child's food. :)

[rudyinparis]

Cybele, BTW, I think I know who you are re: your career. There can't be too many Cybeles! If you're involved in librarianship, than I do know who are through your writing. Don't quit your job, because you are wonderful and doing fascinating things!

[diedre]

I actually have the opposite problem with my 4.5 month old daughter. she finally started taking a bottle of pumped milk at daycare but her first few weeks there were harrowing with me running up there to nurse her because she refused the bottle.

I am wondering if the problem isnt with the nanny. Babes are eaily influenced and if she is lording anything over you, it indicates a lack of respect for your role as Mom and maybe this is being observed by your little one in some way creating confusing and conflict for him?I'm not sure, its just a thought.

I nannied and babysat through college and grad school and NEVER would I treat a parent like that and I have a type A, assertive personailty but thats a lot different than what I'm hearing about this nanny. I think she if she isnt The problem, she is a huge contribution to it.

It sounds miserable for all of you- I'm really sorry you have to go through this.

Can the nanny.

[Sidney]

My eldest quit taking a bottle from all sources at 9 months. I was glad to stop pumping, had too much breastmilk in the freezer, and she was happy on solids and water. I didn't worry about it. My second I went thru misery with my lack of milk, I am a full-time WOHM too. She was happy taking a bottle from grandma, but I hate bottles (they are so inconvenient) we had some issues when I didn't offer her a bottle at nap time on the weekends, but she was 1 so we got over it. I really just went with the flow, the baby will cry when he's hungry, I think they get confused by the change in care givers. I had a lot of issues with grandma over feeding with bottles and not enough solids. We got thru that too (I took all the bottles from her house!) Maybe he senses the insecurities she is feeling? We had tons of bottle problems with my eldest, what worked best was to mimick whoever was successful, hold her the same way I nursed her, used the same nursing pillow, the same bottle. My daughter did a lot of night nursing because she hated the bottle so much, at 4 months old my husband was propping her up in the boppy with the bottle all by herself, she wanted nothing to do with anyone feeding her but me, or he would hide his face so she couldn't see him. Kids are finnicky from the start! But it passes!

[pnuts mama]

haven't read the comments yet, just a few quick thoughts-

i totally thought "nursing strike!" too, and yes, that totally wreaked havoc over my emotional well being as i imagined my baby starving to death as my supply, small as it was, would dry up...augh! the ped on call that i finally got in touch with said "oh, 5 minutes per breast is enough at this age, she's fine." BLAH! so unhelpful (and not true in our case, btw)

i'm also thinking teething as a possibility? my kid ate like sh*t any time she was teething (which seemed like always, sigh) and i found a big ol dose of tylenol got her through the worst of those days.

things we tried that worked:
totally upped the nursing as much as possible. fenugreek, oatmeal, can help supply (and dark beer! mmmm...) try kellymom for more ideas and links for that.

tried sippy cups with no success, then tried a medium po land spr ing water bottle with ebm(or formula, water, whatever) in it- back then, they still had the mouthpiece that you pulled up or down (now it's either open or closed) so you could control the flow- i'd open it up as little as possible, and let her 'suck' (really just me tipping the smallest amt in her mouth) to get fluid into her. the occupational therapist who eval'd her said this was actually a better way than the usual sippy cup (straw sippys were good, too)- much easier to suck from than typical sippies.

i would *constantly* offer/suggest she have some sippy. i find that i still do this, and i admit i must sound like an idiot.

i used to break up ice cubes into small pieces and put in a bowl for her telling her it was a "special treat" and she would suck those things down! you could freeze juice, etc. and make slushy stuff on a spoon. my kid was always willing to try something that we were eating and not offering to her, too. heh.

juicy fruits are good, too, as long as your kids don't have fruit issues.

***
here is my best advice for you, though. please don't stress yourself over this, i know that's impossible. i know. but really, this was the hill i had to give up dying for. i found myself literally going crazy over this- my control issues reared up, i got angry, i felt frustrated, i couldn't accept that my little tiny kid wasn't going to eat if she didn't want to and be ok with the idea that she'd still be ok. i finally read (probably here at that point) that making food an issue can be disastrous- issues of control, etc. i had to totally adopt an attitude of zen and let it go. it was one of the hardest and best pieces of advice i've ever gotten w/ regard to being a mama. i hope you both can do it too!

and btw, i would fire that nanny, too. b/c that's the nicest thing i can suggest that wouldn't get me arrested, since my first reaction was "oh, i would totally slap that b*tch!" you both are doing a great job.