Turning

I'm sorry I'm not doing all the standard potty training and sleep questions this week. I think George's death, some of my kids' recent accomplishments, and my impending birthday are making me think a lot about who I am, where I am in my life, and where I'm going.

I'm turning 35 at the end of the month, and feel like in a lot of ways I'm starting a completely new phase. When I think about how much more I know about myself, my place in the world, and my potential than I did even two years ago, I'm astounded.

So I'm setting some goals and some wishes for myself for the next year:

* I took a Brazilian Portuguese class last summer, and got the basics, but need to start ramping up. I'm going to make an effort to spend at least a hour a week on Portuguese.

* I've just started taking a martial arts class (for the first time in my life) and am feeling completely out of my depth. I will remember that that feeling means growth is about to happen, and will press through.

* Streamline my Ask Moxie process so I can do some of the extra projects I want to do for you guys, actually answer all the emails I get (which I'm nowhere near right now), and maintain a more consistent posting schedule.

* Onward and upward with managing the process for getting everyone ready and out the door every morning.

* Spiritual development: Stop and listen, and move when asked to.

This list is personal, and I haven't talked about relationships with anyone else or my work life or any of that on purpose, because I think so much energy goes into those things that the personal side often gets shorted. Maybe part of my aging process is realizing that I'm worth my own time and energy, too.

Does anyone else want to play along?

Comments

[Simone]

Oh, Enu, I somehow managed to miss your post. Yes, hugs to you, too!!!

And I really like pnuts mama's idea of having a post on wills, etc. We are pretty organized on the financial planning front, but that whole "what if something happened to both/either of us" thing is still pretty unsettled. As we all know, no amount of planning can prepare us for some of life's little curveballs.

[GS]

Alicia,
My heart goes out to you.

[GS]

Alicia,
My heart goes out to you.

[Alicia]

Enu, I am sorry to hear about your struggles.... having been near where you are a year ago all I can say is that if you are having a hard time being in the moment, make sure that you talk seriously with your loved ones. It can be so easy to retreat into whatever your particular defense mechanism is (humor, distraction through TV books or internet, or just plain denial) and while there is a place for that, you also want to make sure that your loved ones know what is going on in your head so that they can try to help you.

I hope that this isn't overstepping, but there are so many things I wish I had forced my husband to be more serious about discussing before he passed. Particularly with regards to what he wished/hoped for our daughter. (He brushed the discussion off with humor, so all I ever got was that he hopes she doesn't become a stripper because she grew up without a dad.) Hopefully your prognosis and outcome will be much better and this will be just a stormy blip on your radar of life.

[aimee]

I just want to encourage you on the martial arts class. I took Tae Kwon Do for years pre-child and can't wait to get back to it one day. It is so hard but it made me more powerful in every way. Stick with it!!

[z]

enu and alicia (hugs) to both of you.

I am hitting 30 in June and have been thinking about goals for myself. I think with baby#2 in april and 2 under 2 my goals will be limited to:

1. More physical intimacy with my husband. while i like J's more sex, i don't know if i can get there. And more time alone with hubby.
2. Healthier life in terms of food for me (and the fam). Exercise is limited because of allergy constraints and breastfeeding but I am going to try T-Tapp.
3. Stop expecting too much from my family and focusing more on my little family and what's best for us.
4. Build our virtually non-existent emergency savings funds even if its by a $10/month.
5. Get as much sleep as I can
6. Strive to build/find/borrow/create patience and be the best parent I can be.

[Isabel]

Also piping in to say Happy Birthday and Thank you to Moxie for this fantastic community and site. You set the tone here and it has really infiltrated all my life and particularly my relationships with other women -- my friends and those who I just bump into from time to time.

Also, thanks to Enu for posting so honestly and I wish you the very, very best in the next year. It's gotta be better than the last! I needed your reminder to basically stop whining about little things and be aware of the big things around me that i should feel grateful for.

[hedra]

Very late on this, work has been insane, and so has home, so no time online.

Happy birthday. I'm still impressed with you - you're way younger than I expect given your insight and wisdom and compassion. I tend to think of you as about five years older than you are, just because you already 'get' the stuff most people seem to learn between 35 and 40 (and some, later).

I haven't done goals this year. It's a 'holding the space' year, at least until DH is done with his professional licensing effort. Then, new goals. For now, it's pretty basic maintenance - keeping my weight stable, keeping the kids growing, keeping our lives as sane as possible. Present is good, too. But those aren't so much formal goals as ... well, 'hold this spot'.

[caramama]

enu and alicia - I'm so sorry for all that you both have been/are going through. I hope that you are able to find some happiness and peace in the year(s) to come.

[hedra]

Man, cannot post without reading. CANNOT.

Enu and alicia, my best wishes and energy for all that you are going through. The closest I've been is being told that I might have the scary nearly-always-terminal form of thyroid cancer, and please wait three weeks (across Christmas and New Years) to find out. It was negative, just a really bizarre nodular issue, but those three weeks were really hard. That's only the tiniest of glimpses, but enough to know that it really alters your world in ways you cannot fathom before it starts. Take best care, both of you.