Turning

I'm sorry I'm not doing all the standard potty training and sleep questions this week. I think George's death, some of my kids' recent accomplishments, and my impending birthday are making me think a lot about who I am, where I am in my life, and where I'm going.

I'm turning 35 at the end of the month, and feel like in a lot of ways I'm starting a completely new phase. When I think about how much more I know about myself, my place in the world, and my potential than I did even two years ago, I'm astounded.

So I'm setting some goals and some wishes for myself for the next year:

* I took a Brazilian Portuguese class last summer, and got the basics, but need to start ramping up. I'm going to make an effort to spend at least a hour a week on Portuguese.

* I've just started taking a martial arts class (for the first time in my life) and am feeling completely out of my depth. I will remember that that feeling means growth is about to happen, and will press through.

* Streamline my Ask Moxie process so I can do some of the extra projects I want to do for you guys, actually answer all the emails I get (which I'm nowhere near right now), and maintain a more consistent posting schedule.

* Onward and upward with managing the process for getting everyone ready and out the door every morning.

* Spiritual development: Stop and listen, and move when asked to.

This list is personal, and I haven't talked about relationships with anyone else or my work life or any of that on purpose, because I think so much energy goes into those things that the personal side often gets shorted. Maybe part of my aging process is realizing that I'm worth my own time and energy, too.

Does anyone else want to play along?

Comments

[caramama]

I really do love you, Moxie. You are very inspiring, and I wish you luck in your goals. And happy birthday to you!

Actually this site has inspired a new goal of mine that I plan to start in the spring:
-I am going to start a playgroup in my neighborhood. I know of a few families who have had babies in the last year or so (because of the outdoor announcements like balloons and stork signs). I am going to knock on their doors and see if they want to start getting together. To start a community where we can all help each other and provide support for each other.

Other goals for the year that I have include:
-Starting to do my yoga again.
-Brushing up on my italian and starting to use italian words more with the baby.
-Taking time to do things just for me, like getting that massage I have a gift certificate for.

I have other goals for my family and work, but I am taking Moxie's lead and not listing it here.

[caramama]

Oh, and another I forgot to add:
-Find a church where hubby, baby and I are comfortable.

[fahmi]

My birthday is coming up in a few weeks, and I was thinking about what I want to promise myself, too.

My definite thing is to pick up something new that I've never tried before. Maybe if I am struggling to master a new skill and remember what it's like to try and try and still have a hard time, I will be more patient with my wonderful little 2-year-old.

My other thing is to actually cut down on the number of projects I want to do. I have so many little projects that I want to do that I end up not doing any.

You seem to be great with email responses, and Ask Moxie always has interesting things to read, so I am curious what these projects are!

Can I ask which martial arts you are doing?

[Lisa]

I ripped out a Q&A blurb from some throwaway magazine a few weeks ago that I've taped to my computer for inspiration. The writer asks for advice on how to balance family life and work life. The columnist answered "Wherever you are physically present, be mentally present." That's my constant goal - to try to resist multitasking which really means I do everything sort of half-assed. So now, when I pick up my son from day care, we go home and make dinner together and I try not to check my email or hotsync my palm or puzzle over how to fix a work problem. It's hard, but I think it will be worth it.

[Robin]

I turned 30 earlier this month and with that felt a wave of change come over me. I, too can feel myself entering a new phase. I put my own list on my blog but all the goals are essentially the same: be more mindful in my living. I really want to work on my relationship with the internet. For every visit I make to this site, which truly nourishes me as a mother and as a woman, there are probably 15-20 I visit daily that suck my energy dry and make me feel inadequate. Not celebrity gossip sites, but more design/home/shopping type sites that leave me with a gaping hole of want that can't be met. I really want to stop inviting that feeling into my life.

[Amy]

Lisa - I like this: "Wherever you are physically present, be mentally present." I definitely don't live by that all the time. A lot of times, I feel like I'm somewhere doing something but running through a to-do list in my head. Thanks for the reminder of something so simple.

[Shannon]

I turned 30 in January, and I feel like I've become so much more honest with myself. Here are the things I'm willing to admit, which I wasn't before:

-I have a hard time meeting friends. (Caramama, I'd join your playgroup I lived in your neighborhood!) I'm shy about asking other people to do things with me, because I feel like I'm asking somebody out on a date, and I feel rejected when they say no. For a long time I felt like I was the ONLY person who was shy, like everybody else just had the whole social world figured out besides me. Now I'm finally realizing that there are a lot of people who have a hard time meeting friends, and they're waiting for me to reach out to them as much as I'm waiting for them to reach out to me.

-I NEVER, NEVER liked the bar/club scene, I was just pretending to like it in my early 20s. There are a lot of things I miss about my pre-kid life, but going to loud, impersonal settings where you can't sit down or have a conversation is NOT one of them. (But hey, I'd like to have a drink in a civilized location as much as the next mom.)

-I do not enjoy hiking, camping, or the movie Goonies.

-I DO care what other people think of me.

-I might vote for Hillary, just because she's a woman.

Okay, I know those are all really dumb things to admit, but for me it is HUGE to finally be honest and stop pretending to go along with the crowd all the time.

[Cloud]

Hey Moxie, your site is wonderful as is, and I'm sure anything you change/improve will only make it better. You provide an amazing service and if you did nothing beyond take care of your family, work, and run this site you'd be a wonderful person. The fact that you want to do more is inspiring.

I'll have to think on my goals... I'm in the midst of some change here (I'm going to leave my comfortable job of 5 years and start a new one at the end of Feb. Yikes!) and am just in "keeping up" mode.

But I can tell you that 35 isn't too bad, and that martial arts is one of the things I miss the most about my pre-baby life. I'd had some health issues that kept me from it even before I got pregnant, but I am busily scheming about a way to get back into it. I found it to be a great work out, great stress relief, and very empowering. Don't worry about feeling awkward at first- that goes away surprisingly quickly. I used to do Muay Thai and then moved to a local guy's hybrid form of kickboxing/karate. I also miss yoga. I just haven't figured out how to add an exercise class or two into my new routine yet.

[Michelle]

We are just about the same age, I turn the big 3-5 in April. Gulp!

I think as a new mom I am still trying to make my way through the deal of working full time and still having quality time with my little one.

Happy early Birthday!

[wendy]

Oh boy did you hit a nerve!

I think it was yesterday that you said something about depression...the whole idea of being wrapped in insulation and being unable to interface with the world?? That is me to a T lately. I think that weaning is really wrecking my hormonal balance. Anyway, finding balance and an emotional center is my goal for this year. I have been so immersed in my children's well-being that I have neglected my own. My goal is a spin-off of the pysically/mentally present concept mentioned earlier. Long ago- during my intellectually stimulating days, I was a devotee of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi and his book "Flow- the Psychology of the Optimal Experience" (if you haven't read it- you should!) I need to find that state of flow on a much more consistent basis; both to be a better version of myself and to be a better mother. Thanks for spurring me on!!!

[mamanana]

As is. I love Moxie as is, and anything more will be a big bonus. Thank you, thank you.

On my end, I'm gearing up to turn --gulp-- 40 in March. After an eye-opening decade, this is a big transition time for me. My ailing dad is very far away, so the sandwich generation thing has kicked in again and I'm "on call" with both a 1 year-old and an 80 year-old.

So my big ones are:
- Physical = mental (thanks to Lisa and Bouddhist thought for the handy formula).

- This phase is not a parenthesis to the rest of my life, it IS my life. The hurdles aren't there to jump over before getting back to the "real" thing, but just part of the whole shebang.

- Believe in serendipity. Best word in the English language.

[pnuts mama]

moxie, i'm proud of you, and i'll pray for you that you find the peace and answers you're looking for- i'm always impressed with your level of self-awareness and of course your wisdom and willingness to help this community- thank you. my birthday is this month as well, and lent begins next week, and those two events are always more meaningful for me vs. new years. for some reason.

i love the idea of being more present in the moment and giving better mental attention to what is going around me physically. i love that.

*i need to be more attentive of treating the people closest to me with the respect and compassion and patience and understanding i give strangers.

*i need to work on the way i handle my emotions, especially the way i handle anger. i'd like to embrace joy more and let go of my judginess.

*i need to get on board emotionally with this pregnancy and figure out what's holding me back from connecting with this baby and being more positive about the whole experience, and why i'm being so cautious.

*i need to stop wasting time all over the internet everyday and re-commit to the dissertation i am spending a lot of $ not writing right now.

*start using the creative part of my soul and mind again before it atrophies completely.

*continue to distance myself from people who fill me with self-doubt, especially when it is in my core beliefs.

[Sarah]

This is my first time commenting, but I often use your site to reassure me that my 8 month old isn't deliberately driving me crazy with his ever-changing sleep patterns.

Because of the 8 month old I haven't been able to deal with great big goals, so I've broken mine down into little ones that I work on each month. January's goals were to drink 2 litres of water a day and exercise 3-4x per week. I haven't done fabulous at them, but I'm working on it still. For February, I'm adding going to bed earlier.

For other things I want to do, I add them to my goal list and will pick a new one to work on in March.

[Barbara]

Happy Birthday, Moxie! You have excellent goals!

Mine include:

-Making an effort to actually SEE my friends (not just read their blogs). Hubby and I have a very comfortable habit of just hanging out alone all the time (which we LOVE) but we need to be more balanced because our friendships enrich our lives, too, and we're going to miss out on those connections!

-Committing to a healthy lifestyle. Not a crash diet, but a true change of mentality to committing to healthy eating and regular exercise.

-Stepping away from my "caretaker" mode every now and then and doing something that feeds my creativity or imagination.

-Saving my money and paying off debt.

[Sheryl]

When I turned 35 a couple years ago, I mounted a run for President. I figured that being old enough to run was probably the last priviledge I'd gain with a birthday until I was old enough to collect Social Security, so why not? As I declared in May of 2006, I like to say I was the first official candidate. Of course, other than setting up a blog page to announce my candidacy for my friends, I never much did anything beyond that. Alas, I may be the Fred Thompson of the blogosphere.

[paola]

I'm hitting 41 in April and feel like a teenager. Turning 40 was really easy, much easier than 30. At 30, I had done a lot, lived and worked in quite a few different countries, sowed some wild oats as they say for men ( what do they say for women- 'slut around' is not quite the same thing), met some interesting people. But at 40, I had sorted out some emotional problems I have had since I was a girl, and had become a mum for the second time and I just felt so complete that I would have been happy turning 50.

Goals for my 41st (actually its my 42nd really, isn't it) year? I want to get back into the work force after a hiatus of 3 years. I really need to go back to Australia for a while and we have finally booked our trip for this August ( there will definitely be an e-mail to Moxie on how to confront a 24 hour trans-continental with 2 jet lagged kids in the not too distant future). My parents are also getting on, and I haven't lived in an English speaking country for almost 10 years and need to hear and speak 'proper English'. I desperately miss the smell of gum leaves after the rain.

[J]

Moxie, First of all, happy birthday to you! I will be celebrating my 35th a month after you do, so this posting is (again) so timely. I don't know if 35 is going to be a turning point for me in any way, but I welcome your idea of reflecting and looking forward too.
I think the most important thing to reflect on is me recently (16 months ago) becoming a mother. I will also be getting my Master's in May and perhaps becoming pregnant for the second time hopefully sometime soon. So, 2008 is definintely a year to look forward and back!
I am proud of myself for how far My husband and I struggled plenty after M was born, and continue to do so at times, but our communication has remained strong which has kept us close.
My goals for the future are:
-Not to be so hard on myself.
-Work on "letting go" more.
-Breathe deeper throughout the day.
-Talk to my daughter in Hungarian more! Darn it, I want her to be able to communicate with my family when she's older.
-Exercise on a regular basis. Work out a schedule and stick to it.
-Stay in better touch with friends and relatives overseas.
-Have more sex. And better sex too.
-Floss more often. :-)
-Get finances in better shape by refinancing loans and budgeting better.

[Charisse]

Happy birthday Moxie!! Thank you for putting the site in your life--I imagine it was something of a sideline when you thought of it, and it's wonderful that you've embraced the major work it's become. For all of us. You are the best!!

I turned 36 in October, so that is 3 times around the Chinese zodiac for me. :) What I'd like to do this year:

-redeepen my yoga practice, integrating what I've learned from 4 years of interrupted, fragmented, restarted, time-crunched practice--there's a lot in there of humility (I used to think you could make yourself show up every day just through discipline and will and that you were weak if you didn't) and of new ways of strength with more dependence on the breath and more ability to ride the waves

-cook dinner with Mouse for the whole family, several times a week--she's getting too big for the separate dinner thing, and I need to work with Mr. C on getting him home by 7ish so this will work, but I really want to have us around the table together, enjoying good food and talking (maybe about "Cars", haha, but whatever) on a regular basis

-Mr. C and I have jointly resolved to get our financial life in order--we both left big corporate jobs in the last couple years and there's a confusion of things to sort out. We need to do the right thing with wills and legal stuff as well--it's overdue.

-finally, oh, this is so hard to write--I am constantly frustrated and ashamed at my lack of production as a poet since Mouse was born--I cringe at resolving this yet again. But I must. I think I'll say it this way--you can't force yourself to be inspired any more than you can force a kid to sleep, but you can create the conditions in your life that allow it, and I need to do that. I need to trust that the Muse hasn't left, isn't angry with me for my neglect, but will be there when I have the quiet to hear her. This is totally making me cry. Sorry.

Thank you Moxie.

[t]

for the balancing of the physical & mental, jim elloit once said something similar with fewer words--

'wherever you are, be all there' =)

[attiton]

Moxie, you're here for us. We're here for you! Just ask, we'll help.

Need some time off? We'll wait. Need some suggestions? We'll offer a few (hundred). Want some personal space? Take it!

Life isn't all about potty training and sleep issues, although it can seem like that some times.

Mothers are women, workers, lovers, friends, learners, scaredy-cats, courageous human beings, strength incarnate, the most fragile of creatures, followers, leaders, creators, consumers, inventors, sleepers, laughers, fountains of tears... all manners of things *rolled into one.*

The one thing that we are not is infallible.

How can we just go down one path without change, and how can we not fear that this change will overwhelm us? I don't know, but generations have done it before and generations will do it after us.

I suppose we try make the best--and I guess I mean by that--the most personally appropriate choices we can. We are honored to live in a time that allows us to do have as much freedom as we do, but, of course, this does not leave us without the burden of fighting for more...

Reading over my post, here, I wasn't trying to sound so solemn. These were just some thoughts I had on this, the first day of the shortest month of the year. I, too, will be 35 this year. So much has gone by and so much is yet to come. Personally, I can't wait. Bring it on!

[B's Mom]

Dear Moxie & readers:

I love the inspiration here! As a woman, mother, professional, daughter, sister, friend (...oh I could go on and on as this is just a small list of roles that we hold) I often put myself last, so this reaffirmation of my own importance is an excellent idea!
-I go to Yoga 2 times a week, but I would like to continue my own practice at least 15 minutes a day! (Seems like such a small thing!!)
-Along with this Yoga practice add some end of the day meditation (inspiration from the book Eat Pray Love)
-I also liked the previous writers statement of spend more time with friends as my husband and I too like our own little world too much sometimes, but love our friends too.
-Recycle more!!! (and encourage those around me to recycle more!!)
Thanks for this excellent blog, I enjoy what everyone has to say!!
K

[Katie B.]

I turned 31 last November, and in so many ways I feel like... not a teenager, but a proto-adult? I feel like I spent the last decade not growing up and LIVING the way I always wanted to, but rather either just marking time or catching up on things I ever got to do as a teenager. And here I am, over 30 (!!!), with a baby on the way, about to buy a house, struggling to get a business going (boy do we need the income!), and generally feeling like I'm where so many of my peers were a decade ago. And yet, in many way, I'm in so much more an adult space than most of my longtime friends... so I don't even really know what being an adult means anymore. I've been trying to figure that out for months, years even, and have made no headway. I feel so.. crippled? by my lifelong struggle with depression and emotional abuse (yes, I've been out of the situation for years... but it still affects me deeply)... like I say, I don't feel like I've been growing up, I had to do that years ago (as much as a severely depressed kid can), as much as I'm playing catch-up... and now I have no time at all before I'm the grown-up.

This year I want to:
-learn to play the guitar
-build a garden in my new home-to-be
-not suck at being a new mom

I think those are pretty good goals. :)

[Cloud]

Katie B - I didn't have a baby or buy a house until I was 35. Most of my friends from high school were married, having kids, and buying houses 10 years before me. And a lot of my acquaintances from that time are probably 15 years "ahead" of me. However, before we had Pumpkin, Hubby and I took a 4 month trip around Asia and the Pacific, something none of my friends have had a chance to do and that was a wonderful experience. Different life paths... sometimes I wish my reproduction wasn't going to be compressed into the last bit of my fertile years (it makes the "have another or don't" debate seem so much more urgent!), but that is how it worked out, and really, I wouldn't change anything about my life. And despite the extra time I had before becoming the Mommy, I was STILL surprised by how much growing up I did after Pumpkin was born!

I'm not sure what my point is, except- I know what you mean.

[meggiemoo]

Ah, 35. That was an exciting year...my DS was born. I felt like the Grinch did when his heart grew 3 sizes in one day. :o)

This year I'd like to re-explore some writing, just for myself.

I'd like to continue my T-Tapping and become the lithe goddess I know is lurking under my skin.

I'd like to get preggers again (after the goddess comes out).

I'd like to call my siblings at least 1x a month just to say hi. We're all getting older, as they say.

I'd like to make some new friends and stop feeling like I need to stay friends with people who suck me dry emotionally.

I love this community!

[rachel]

I did not read everyone's comments, but I skimmed and saw some very familiar goals.

For starters, Moxie, I turn 35 at the end of this month, too. I have already made 2008 the year of self-care. I have been going to yoga/pilates three or more times per week. I began my once-a-month massage splurge in Jan. I have my first therapy appointment tomorrow to help me heal this constant feeling of being an open wound. (What is that about?) I am up to my elbows planning our nine day trip to Italy in October with another couple. Should be really fun. Brushing up on my Italian as a result, which is also really fun. Need to teach the baby some words, too.

Reading more books. Maybe the knitting mojo will come back soon. Resolved to make one thing this week, something from the new Martha Stewart just to give me some focus. Focusing on my and my husband's relationship more.

Looking to return to church because I think that could help a lot of the issues alluded to above.

Anyway, that's where I'm at. Thanks for helping navigate my mommy path to my 16 month old little girl. She's self-weaning now and while I'm not feeling great about it, I know those feelings are normal. So that's better than the alternatives.

[Jen]

Putting it in writing will make it more real, right? :)

* I want to put quality time into making lesson plans for my students and not just throw things together at the last minute.
* I want to listen to more new music.
* I will become more organized and less attached to "stuff" by the time the new girlie comes around May 1st.
* I will stop being so hard on myself for not being perfect.
* I will think of a name for this next baby. Soon :)
* I will allow my newly 2 year old daughter to continue to show me what she's interested in learning and then devote serious time to helping her learn it. (Ears, you say? Well, then let's go learn about ears!)
* I will try to be better at taking care of myself. Both for me, and for my husband, who deserves more than the lump he tends to get at the end of the day. Thank goodness he loves the lump :)

That's all I have for now... I'm sure there are more. But that's a darn good start.

You guys are all a million steps closer to your goals just by putting them out there! Nice!

[pnuts mama]

ooh, i love the one by J for having more and better sex...i'm willing to bet my husband will be happy about that one, too...

also love jen's one to get better organized, for me not just my stuff but my life in general. be more efficient.

i was also reminded that i wanted to write in to moxie and see if we could do a readers call on wills and life insurance and choosing guardians for our kids...

and now to get to my goal of writing...sigh...small steps!

[Heather]

Ok, so these are some goals that I am hoping to meet before my birthday {which looks like about the same time that I will have this baby {I'm the Heather from last week, and feeling much better thanks to you ladies}}.

1. Take piano lessons {2nd one is tonight}.
2. Plant and tend a garden.
3. Embrace both my ignorance and my inner voice {my inner voice is smarter than my mind will ever be}.
4. Be who *I* am, who is also a woman who is pregnant and NOT be a PREGNANT WOMAN who *used* to be a runner, an artist, a thinker, a friend, and mainly a leo.
5. Accept love when it is offered.

[Julie]

I think 2008 is a year for self-improvement for me. I want to be a better wife to my husband, who has had a rough year plus been diagnosed with a (mild) personality disorder - which explains soooooooo much. Just knowing what he is not capable of doing helps me to redefine my expectations and let a lot of things that would really piss me off just.....poof. Go.

That being said.....I also plan to have some clarity about where our marriage is going this year. I am opening up my heart to God and life and getting in better touch with my intuition, which has sadly been absent for many years. We have finally found a church where we are comfortable and so I want to open that part of my life back up again and trust that I am on the path chosen for me and to stop worrying about controlling everything. I will trust that if a decision needs to be made, I will know when and have the clarity of mind and spirit to act on it.

After 4 years out of the classroom, this fall I'm going back. For better or worse (and I believe mostly better) I'll be in charge of my own little community of learners again and I will have to re-learn how to do that.

I'm not sure how yet, but I feel like this is going to be an amazing year for personal growth for myself and my family. I think I'm ready for whatever comes our way.

And my motto is: if you're not slightly uncomfortable, you're not growing and learning. So my goal is to have a slightly uncomfortable year.

[sam]

Happy Birthday Moxie!! Perhaps you could have an AskMoxie holiday as a treat for yourself or to catch up. Just leave us with an open forum like the holiday post and we'll happily chat away.

You women are so inspirational...and articulate. I can't believe some of your goals, how do you do it??

Lists of goals scare the life out of me. For as long as I can remember I have made lists of goals that I ultimately never achieve to the extent I would have liked. It often just compounds my feelings of frustration with myself. I often feel like I'm coasting through life, like I'm not actually living it yet. I am proud of my achievements, such as they are, but I have not taken advantage of so many opportunites due to a lack of confidence.

I worry too much what other people think of me. I can come across as confident, strong, opinionated...but inside I feel none of those things. A lot of people who know me would be suprised to learn of my lack of confidence/ feelings of self worth.

I have often searched for turning points (turning 30, getting married, becoming a mum) that will enable me to feel more at peace with myself, but as yet it hasn't happened.

Okay, lets try another list...

* I'd like to not feel the need please people so much.
* I'd like to learn more about myself in order for me not to be so manipulated by other people.
* I'd like to be able to make a decision and stick with it.
* I'd like to learn how to cook (Due to past issues with food, I cannot cook a thing - not good for a 31 year old!!).
* I love the mental = physical thing!!
* I like to be kinder to myself.
* I'd like to be kinder to other people (and you women are perfect inspiration for that - the time a lot of take to reply to others, to make others feel better about themselves).
* I want to be a good role model to my beautiful daughter. I want to be healthy & happy and when I'm not happy, to be able to deal with it in a positive way.

Mmmmm...not much then. Perhaps have more specific goals, like exercise 3x a week. Oh well...

@ Charisse - I''ve visited your blog and read your poems. Your inspiration will return and I'll look forward to reading any new ones.

[Rbelle]

Oooh, I'm turing 30 in November, and I've never been looking forward to a birthday less. I know it's just a number, but for me, it's the sign that my 20s - along with any chance I might have had to backpack across Europe or join the Peace Corp or something really adventurous - are really and truly gone. It doesn't help that I'm getting married this year to a wonderful man who I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with, but who is so, so ready to buy the house and start the family already, having backpacked across Europe (and everywhere else, it seems) twice.

I've wanted a home and family for as long as I can remember, but it seems like while waiting around for those things, I forgot to focus on everything else, and now feel like I've accomplished so little. It's hard for my fiance to understand, but like I keep telling him, he's already done everything else he wanted to do!

Anyway, my main goal for this year (besides surviving my wedding) is to become more at peace with my less than exciting past and remember both that I'm giving up my more adventurous dreams for something really good, and that my fiance and I can make "settling down" exciting too, if we work at it.

To that end, some more specific goals for the year are to

*run a sprint triathalon (1/2 mile swimming, 12 miles biking, three miles running, thank heavens, because I hate running)

*train for a Century (this is a 100-mile bike ride)

*hold an all-night dance-athon for charity

I also made some more general resolutions to be more productive, efficient, frugal, creative, and generous. Yeah, we'll see how well that goes.

Oh, and Moxie, I've been doing a combo of jujitsu and karate for two and a half years now, and I can tell you it will get so much better. When I started, I'd go home after class and cry with frustration because it seemed like I would never get it. But gradually, without even realizing it, I became better and better, and I can't remember the last time I got that upset over a new move. Even though it can be a lifelong study, you'll eventually hit a point where the fundamentals are so ingrained that learning new things is much easier.

[m]

Hi... I have to say a number of the posts sounded like me - I'm shy, have only a handful of close friends (who now seem so far away since I've had my children and are geographically far enough that it is difficult to drive to see them and sadly, I only see them if I make the drive). I sometimes feel like I'm on my own little island and it seems to bee getting more and more isolated. I really feel like crying right now - but that's not such a great idea cause I'm at work.

Hard thing for me is I've been feeling like crying a lot lately. I think it is work. It's not going so well and I think I have to face the thought that maybe the company isn't a positive for me right now. That said, I feel so disloyal to look around and I also don't feel confident enough to start.

I too want to try to connect with people better. I too wish I didn't care so much what everyone else thought. I too really want to take charge of my life.

Other things - I want to keep searching for ways to be a more creative mom - I'm not the best with coming up with new, fun crafts, games, immagination/role play for my toddler/preschool boys.

The biggest thing is I really want to learn how to be happy again. I love my boys and I enjoy practically all moments with them but otherwise overall I don't consider myself a happy person. I know that only change by me but I guess I'm just not there yet.

[Wendy]

*I will finish my dissertation before baby #2 is born (May).

*I will spend 2 nights away from home with girlfriends. Since baby #1 was born (18 months ago) I have only spent one night away total.

*I will figure out how to balance and transition from being a stay at home mom/graduate student to working part-time and having 2 kids under 2.

*Less gossipy around family and friends and more direct.

*Do more with husband before baby #2 is born but without baby #1.

Fewer goals mean more success, right?

[m]

Hi... I have to say a number of the posts sounded like me - I'm shy, have only a handful of close friends (who now seem so far away since I've had my children and are geographically far enough that it is difficult to drive to see them and sadly, I only see them if I make the drive). I sometimes feel like I'm on my own little island and it seems to bee getting more and more isolated. I really feel like crying right now - but that's not such a great idea cause I'm at work.

Hard thing for me is I've been feeling like crying a lot lately. I think it is work. It's not going so well and I think I have to face the thought that maybe the company isn't a positive for me right now. That said, I feel so disloyal to look around and I also don't feel confident enough to start.

I too want to try to connect with people better. I too wish I didn't care so much what everyone else thought. I too really want to take charge of my life.

Other things - I want to keep searching for ways to be a more creative mom - I'm not the best with coming up with new, fun crafts, games, immagination/role play for my toddler/preschool boys.

The biggest thing is I really want to learn how to be happy again. I love my boys and I enjoy practically all moments with them but otherwise overall I don't consider myself a happy person. I know that only change by me but I guess I'm just not there yet.

[Inki]

I did my big "goals for 2008" think for my birthday on January 6. Since I have experience with not really living up to it when I have a lot of them, I'm keeping it simple this year:
* Really having a talk with my DH about duties at home - I get really frustrated sometimes because we have different expectations of what "clean" means and I'm so tired of picking up after him AND being the one in charge of finances AND techie stuff AND etc etc. Am happy to report that the talk went well and so far, so good - he has become much more likely to put his glass in the dishwasher instead of leaving it out etc. Realizing what was bothering me and being honest with him about it was a big step for me and my stress level is much better now!
* Post to our blog at least once a week - this is a private blog that we keep for our family and friends overseas so that they can keep up with our daughter as she grows.
* Trying to cut down on my spending by waiting a week to buy anything that's not needed. If I still want it after a week, then I'll allow myself to get it, but this has so far helped to cut down on impulse spending.
* I can identify with the PPs about not spending enough time with friends, so I think I will add one about trying to spend time with friends at least once a week - getting together for lunch, a walk with the kids or something.
* I think maybe 2008 will be the year that either I get crafty or I realize that it is a lost battle and will never happen... Not quite ready to admit that yet, but we'll see by the end of the year - there are things that I would like to do with my DD when she's older that my mom did with me.

[Al]

I'm turning 35 this year too, and I've been in an odd state of mind. I'm feeling like a lousy 'adult' - don't own a house, don't know what to do with my life, but I do have a fabulous daughter, and a strong marriage (even though I don't 'like' him at the moment - he's been very whiney and intense the last 6 months or so and I can't take it anymore.)
Mind you I have always said that I'm not a 'grown up' until I have a dishwasher, so until then...

To not obsessively clean before someone comes over (because what would they think?!)
To not care about what other people think...
To think about what I CAN do, not what I can't.
Speak up and ask for things (like asking for my things back)
To accept my past. Yes I did some of the things I wanted to do, and I didn't do enough of the things I should have, due to a lack of confidence.
Communicate better with my husband (see opening comments)
Embrace the huge change that is happening this year - international move.
Know that I am not the only one who has a hard time meeting people, has a hard time communicating and not confident.
Accept (and find a way to deal with) that my daughter is an exact replica of her dad and that they will fight a lot, and I will have 2 needy, stubborn, opinionated, whiney people in the house.

[m]

I think it's important to have personal goals, apart from family/work ones. Number Two is now due, so I'm going to keep my personal goals very small because I know so much of my time will be wrapped up in just learning to care for a newborn again and balancing two kids.

Like Charisse, I'm also a poet and also hoping to return to writing. I haven't written anything other than emails and blog posts for most of 2007! It will feel really good to write just one.

We have recently moved to a new city, so another goal of mine is to put myself out there more and try to make some friends, find a community. I have a great community/group of close friends in my old city and I miss it like crazy, but I need to develop ones in our new city.

Also, Moxie, you must remember that this is *your* blog. While we are all extremely grateful for all you do for us, if you ever need to take a break, please do so! We'll be okay. Promise.

[caramama]

I love you people. And I love your goals.

:-)

That's all. Just feeling the love.

[Parisienne Mais Presque]

For me, this year is all about:

- Grace, Gratitude, Patience, and bringing these three things to everything I do;

- Remembering I am an example for my son, even at his tender six months of age;

- Getting to bed early

So far, I'm doing pretty well on the first two -- I'm proud of myself, even -- but the last one, eh, not so well!

[AmyinMotown]

I really only have a few, and only one is personal--to begin exercising once I have this baby. I'm so exhausted and cranky and lazy all the time (okay, this MIGHT just be all about being 37.5 weeks pregnant, second trimester I did seem to get off the damn couch more) and to be the kind of mom I want to be to two active little kids, I have to get in better shape.

And may I say, like caramama I am feeling the love :-).

M, I have a hard time making friends too and here's one thing that helped. I realized everyone is insecure, wants people to like them, etc. and most people are too worried about what you think of them to think badly of you.

[Melba]

I so love this post!

I, like M and Shannon, also have a hard time making friends. I have more aquaintences than I can count, but only one "true" friend and she lives 4 hours away. And it seems that everyone I meet (in the workplace, in my Mom's group, in classes at the gym, at parties, wherever) already has a well established group of friends and so I tend to always feel like an outsider.

Unfortunately my husband is the same way. So what tends to happen is that we are so dependent on each other for absolutely everything that we need out of people in our lives that we can't possibly be everything for each other.

My goals this year are
- don't take the easy road and settle for a familiar job when I return for mat leave. Take a challenge and learn something new.
- re-connect with my husband. We seem to be out of synch too much lately.
- make new friends. this is the hard one and I really don't know how. Why can't someone just make friends with ME instead? :) Cop-out, I know.

[lthg]

happy early birthday Moxie!
i'm turning 35 this month too. this year is special because my daughter's first year in this world. she's 8 weeks old. i'll make the best of it.
my other goals are:
- to pick up where i left with my graduate study.
- to socialize more, maybe find a group interested in amateur photography.
- to earn more money, so we can travel abroad like we did back in the days when we were "young with no responsibility on our shoulders".
- to stop procrastinating, be efficient and productive.
- to take the 1 millionth photograph of my daughter by the end of the year:) for some reason i think i'll definitely accomplish this goal (grin).

[Cloud]

I, too, am loving this post, so I'll stop being a slacker and post some goals of my own:
- Find some way to get some exercise back into my life
- Be more patient with everything, but especially my wonderful Hubby and sweet Pumpkin (especially when I'm sleep deprived)
- Learn to trust my parenting instincts more, and stop worrying so much about every little parenting decision already

And I want to say to Rbelle- turning 30 doesn't mean you can't still have a grand adventure! Hubby and I took our "big trip" (4 months around asia and the pacific, which I alluded to in an early comment) when I was 33. We had a great time, and we certainly weren't the oldest backpackers on the circuit. There are a bunch of 30 somethings out there, mostly Europeans enjoying their huge number of vacation days, but also people from various countries just taking a break. If it is a dream of yours, do it, really. I'm so glad I did. I'll bet that if you tell your future hubby you really want to do this before you have kids, he'll understand.

[elisa]

I love this place. My goals for this year? In no particular order...

*Get through the teacher's program I just started in January.

*Be a good Mom.

*Find more Mommy-friends close by. Ok, find A Mommy friend, then two, then more?

*Keep in touch with old friends.

*Spend more quality time with the hubby.

*Write. Something, anything, just write.

*Exercise 3X a week.

*Laugh everyday. This one's the easiest. Baby D wakes up early and smiles at me when I'm trying to ignore the fact that he's awake. Keeps me happy, that's for sure.

Luck to everyone in this new year!

[enu]

I had all these goals for this year and next which revolved around developing my life with my husband as an empty-nester - little one leaves for college in a year and a half and with the older one already gone, it's echoingly quiet here (us three remaining being introverts.) I also had goals for professional development in my exciting new career, which I just entered 2 years ago.

But now this year and into the future is all about struggling to survive, literally, with surgeries and chemotherapy and radiation and whatnot. It's very hard to get my head around, and to figure out how much to live in the past, present, and future. I have regrets about the past; the present is often too awful to dwell in "be here, now" nah, more like "be anywhere but here, now." and I can't daydream about the future with the same broad and empty canvas I could just a few months ago. It's a smaller canvas, and it already contains visual elements which would jar with many of the pretty pictures I had been painting.

So my advice, you have a dream, live it, you have babies, don't forget, while working so hard to do the right thing, that they are delicious and should be enjoyed as well. And everyone ought to hug a lot ;-)

[Joy]

I, too, love this blog and the (albeit virtual) sense of community I feel reading it. I'm always astounded and deeply touched by your honesty and I'm inspired by your dreams. Thanks Moxie!!
I like that 'it's more real if you write it down' theory, so here goes..
1. Finish my 10 or 15 projects around here that are started before I buy any more supplies for new projects.
2. Get on that damn eliptical machine that we sunk a lot of money into last fall, used for 2 weeks (felt better, loved it) and then quit.
3. Give the internet less of my time, and my kids, husband, and job more attention.
4. Lay foundations for the business I want to start someday.
5. Really give our dream of moving out west some serious effort and thought.

I think that's enough. Thanks so much to all of you for sharing!!

[Simone]

I know I don't often respond to posts--mainly because I feel like I don't have much wisdom to share. Or you wonderful ladies just beat me to it! :)

I LOVE the comment about being present. I want that as one of my goals, too. Maybe then I can quiet this "monkey mind" of mine.

My goals are to:
1) Be more patient. When I hear my 4 year-old repeat things I say, I realize I am sharper than I need to be.

2) Learn meditation and get back into yoga. Not only for the physical centering and health, but to give myseld some solace and reflection time *where it counts,* not when I should be more *present* elsewhere (like with my kids!)

3) Get rid of these last 12 lbs. (Down 45 since April.)

4) Get more "time" with Hubby. Maybe he can help with those 12 lbs! 8)

5) I'm with Caramama...finding a church that feels "right" needs to be a priority this year. No more excuses for me on this one!!

Moxie, I do love this amazing community you've founded. YOU have founded. That right there should give you some peace at night, when you think about how many women have been able to find support, answers, and just a place to vent. Thank you, and Happy Birthday!!!

[Alicia]

Mox, The thing about death is that it often changes how you view your life. It causes you to reflect and to review where you have been and where you are going.

I turned 31 two days ago, and I am overdue for some goal making sessions. Coming off a year in which my husband died while I was pregnant and I gave birth to a bit of a high needs baby, I can't be happier to put my 30th year behind me. Now I just need to figure out what I do want to do. Before hubby died, I always had 5 and 10 year plans and goals and it seems like they all became obsolete with his death and I have been spending the last 9 months just rudder-less. So I would post goals, but I really need to spend some quiet time listen to myself to determine what they will be other than to enjoy my babe. (Maybe I will get to that in about 5 years.)

[Simone]

Alicia,
Just wanted to send some hugs your way...you've had a rough year. Best to you and your little one!!

[Cloud]

Yes, hugs to Alicia and Enu. You will find your way forward. I hope that happens soon, and that you have the support you need.