The other day I schlepped my cats and both boys almost a mile in the snow to the vet (uphill both ways), and wondered "Why don't I live someplace where I can just have a car??" But then I got this email, and felt like a jerk for my car-free self-pity:
"Please help....my child hates being in a car seat and facing backwards. She's only 7 month old, so turning the seat around is a long wait. She can manage if someone sits in the back with her, but if no one there she throws tantrums. I've tried toys, singing, holding her hand while driving, but nothing seems to work. this winter is extremely cold, and its impossible to walk outside for long periods of time, so the idea is to go to the mall. But with this problem its even harder to drive to the mall than slippery roads and cold wind blowing in our faces. Please suggest something that I can do to make her more content with not having someone next to her for 15min drive."
I can remember a 6-hour drive with a 6-week-old screaming almost the whole time. But that seems to have wiped my car seat rage memory. In previous posts on this topic people have suggested that the baby might be carsick facing backwards, and that that may be contributing a lot to her anger. I'm not sure what the solution would be. You could try the Sea Band wristlets. I'd walk into the health food store and ask if they had anything homeopathic (not herbal) to alleviate motion sickness and try that. You could try a remedy like dramamine, but some kids react badly to it.
Readers? Any other suggestions, either of ways to deal with the screaming or to stop motion sickness if that's contributing to it?
My son screams in the car seat if I fail to push his little buns all the way back in it. He has reflux, so I *think* that the pressure brought on by slouching causes bad symptoms. Or perhaps I'm overthinking and he's just darn uncomfortable if slouching.
Posted by: Jaime | February 25, 2008 at 01:10 PM
We got the convertible car seat around 8 months and it made a huge difference in my daughter's tolerance with car rides. I also keep a few toys in the car that she only gets while she's in the car - and I add a new one fairly frequently so there's always something new and exciting in the car.
Posted by: Suzanne | February 25, 2008 at 01:14 PM
My boy hates the car seat too. Until he was about four months old he cried from the moment he was strapped in until I took him out. It started to get a little better (about 10-20 minutes of quiet before the rage began) and now that he's 9 months it's much better. I always sit in the back with him when we drive a long distance and try to distract him with toys, songs, silly faces and sounds and sips of water from his sippy cup. For my little guy I think it's a combination of being frustrated at being strapped in, feeling sensitive to irritations like the straps against his neck and sunshine in his eyes, and not being held close to his momma! I have found that switching to a convertible seat has helped ... I think it's a little more comfortale than the other one. Also having toys with music or lights ... I usually don't encourage buying those sorts of toys, but in the car it's a lifesaver. The second I turn on his glowworm, for example, he quiets down and smiles at the music and glowing face. He also has a plush octopus that plays music and that works almost as well. Just got to keep distracting them until the dreaded car ride is over.
Did I mention we took him on a 12-hour road trip when he was three months old? Really bright idea. Lots and lots of screaming. Whenever I see the tip to take baby for a drive if he won't sleep I have to laugh (so I don't cry) ...
Posted by: bree | February 25, 2008 at 01:21 PM
Hi. We've had some luck with: a mirror, and having her wave hi and bye to the girl in the mirror, see what's she's doing, etc. ; certain stuffed animals when younger, and then small board books and "magazines" - catalogs - as she's gotten older (now 15.5 months); and music: jazz/pop for kids, Putumayo compilations, musicals, Brazilian, and some of my college playlists (late 70's/early 80's). I'd agree with the others about hanging in there and knowing it will get better - now focusing on the destination but hopefully enjoying the journey later. Good luck!
Posted by: Beatty | February 25, 2008 at 01:24 PM
I'm right there with you. DD is 5 months today and it's only in the last month that we can brave going out beyond the Dr and life necessities. Last month, we finally listened to some friends and got a different car seat. Her Graco Snugride seems to have been a part of the problem. Now she has a big lounge chair convertible. We seriously lifted her in and out of each floor model until we found one that seemed to make her comfy. Then we started Car Seat therapy--we let her sit in sans straps while we cooked, cleaned, played with her, etc. I still ride in the back when there are two of us, but for the first time I can tke her out alone for short trips.I put her in the sling to go out to the car, and I tell her where we are going and how she will get to ride in the sling when we are there. I've been using the same language every time, and it seems to help. I've attached little vibrating pull toys to her car seat straps (like lamaze makes, and yes, I'm sure this is probably a safety no-no, but it helps) and I give her a blankie to play with too. Then I talk all the way to the mall, where we walk in the sling or to the mom's group where she also rides in the sling and plays with other babies. When she has a meltdown, I try to remind myself how wonderful it is to be out, and how much she has out. She still has a meltdown about 1 out of 5 trips, but it's getting easier. Knock on wood. Hoping I haven't just jinxed myself.
Posted by: wavybrains | February 25, 2008 at 01:45 PM
Amen to babies hating the carseat and to kiddos being bizarrely attracted to certain songs.
LO is 4 months and "Brementown Musicians" by Doc Abbick in Trinity puts him right to sleep in the car. While playing in his jumperoo he gets really excited hearing "Red Rubber Ball" by Cyrkle.
Kind of interesting/cool that little ones have musical preferences - now there's an infant musicology dissertation just waiting to be written.
Posted by: Jenny | February 25, 2008 at 01:46 PM
Amen to babies hating the carseat and to kiddos being bizarrely attracted to certain songs.
LO is 4 months and "Brementown Musicians" by Doc Abbick in Trinity puts him right to sleep in the car. While playing in his jumperoo he gets really excited hearing "Red Rubber Ball" by Cyrkle.
Kind of interesting/cool that little ones have musical preferences - now there's an infant musicology dissertation just waiting to be written.
Posted by: Jenny | February 25, 2008 at 01:47 PM
Our baby girl did okay with the carseat for the first month or so, then would fly into rages every time we put her even near her seat. Now at 7 months, she's a pretty good car traveler. There were a couple of steps in our process:
1) She was overheating. She was a summer baby, and we had a tendency to be concerned that she would get too cold in the air conditioned car, so we over bundled her, plus her carseat (an Orbit baby) has a lot of insulation and padding. Things did get better when we reduced the amount of clothing she had on.
2) My dad had heart surgery and complications so we ended up taking many 4 hour each way trips to visit my parents. None of us had any choice and I think the repeated process helped her get used to it better and figure out that she couldn't do anything to alleviate her boredom, so she might as well go to sleep.
3) Toys that make noise.
After reading all the comments, I'm looking forward to when we move up to a non-infant seat that can face forward. The baby girl loves to interact with her environment, and I have a feeling that once she can look forward and see where we are going she's going to think being in the car is a good deal.
Posted by: Theresa | February 25, 2008 at 02:11 PM
I haven't read through all the posts, and so I may be repeating something others have said, but I KNOW (from experience) that reflux and silent reflux can encourage car seat terror (something about the position and bending at the waist and then maybe the weird vertigo potential).... It gets better. As with many infant related issues, a tincture of time is the only resolving force.
Posted by: sasha | February 25, 2008 at 02:24 PM
We got a toy that I can trigger by remote control (FP, I think) that hangs off the headrest, so it's good for rear-facing babies. It plays a series of tunes and has lights. It is SO helpful to be able to randomly turn it on, it calms her right down.
Posted by: Angie | February 25, 2008 at 02:27 PM
Y'know, rear facing would be way safer for everybody in the family except the driver (well, including the driver, but a tad impractical). Yet we don't do it to ourselves, just the kids.
It would be safer still not to drive them in the car at all. Cars kill. Not just by collisions, but by all sorts of pollution issues.
Some kids probably just can't handle being rear-facing for as long as current wisdom says they must be. Yes, you trade off a bit of safety, but if life totally sucks for the kid by being rear-facing (and drives feel sooooo much longer to the small ones, compounded by not being able to see), then personally I'd turn the kid around.
I don't expect a single person to agree with me, just had to say it though.
Posted by: Nancy | February 25, 2008 at 02:48 PM
i dont know if this is true but i've heard several moms saying their child hated their carseat, and they bought a different kind and the baby was much happier... just keep your reciept and try some other types out, and maybe put a mirror on the back seat in front of her.
Posted by: pixie | February 25, 2008 at 02:56 PM
meggiemoo - I agree with the others--it helps to hear that it gets better. I didn't enjoy maternity leave either. But even at 11 months, things are getting much more enjoyable for me. I am looking forward to the whole toddlerhood. Thanks for putting that out there!
Posted by: caramama | February 25, 2008 at 03:33 PM
I printed out a large (smiling) picture of my partner and taped it to the seat in front of our daughter. It worked better than the mirror, mirror singing-toy thing, and the radio combined.
Posted by: erin | February 25, 2008 at 03:59 PM
@Carla Hinkle, word on the outward-facing baby! My girl could deal with carseats but SHRIEKED in the sling little ones are supposed to love, and wouldn't go inward in the bjorn for love or money. Started facing her out at 6 weeks, she was happy as a clam.
@trope, sherry, meggiemoo, caramama, I hated that too and I'll stand up right now and say for me with Mouse it gets better every single month, and she's nearly 4 years. Babies are great, but you've got everything to look forward to!
@OP, the mirror where the baby can actually see you seemed to help when Mouse did have carseat issues (you use it with the rearview).
Posted by: Charisse | February 25, 2008 at 04:10 PM
Been there. First kid screamed like we were chopping off his limbs for any drive of any length. Static sometimes helped (between the radio stations) but it had to be VERY VERY VERY LOUD, fully as loud as he was. He settled when we turned him forward at 1 year.
You have to find your ways to be a safe driver in these challenging conditions. I took deep breaths and repeated "he's fine, he just doesn't understand," so that at least my own anxiety and distraction would not endanger us.
Second kid only screams a little, and only when I'm pretty sure he's tired; I think it's be because he has the first one back there to keep him company.
Posted by: Rachel | February 25, 2008 at 08:03 PM
All three of my kids went through car seat hate around 2-4 months, but no solutions here. We just sort of muddled through it.
This is slightly off topic, but Britax is having a big sale right now until March 2. If you're interested, check out Baby Cheapskate (especially the comments) for where to find the best deals.
http://babycheapskate.blogspot.com/2008/02/official-britax-sale-watch-post.html
Posted by: Tami | February 25, 2008 at 08:20 PM
Alex's 2 favorite car songs:
Get Jiggy With It by Will Smith
Call my by Blondie
We listen to them over and over and over and over.........
Posted by: Julie | February 25, 2008 at 08:34 PM
Someone else mentioned this, but the thing that still makes my 17 month old daughter scream is the sun hitting her face from any angle. She could turn her face, but mostly she just screams stubbornly somehow expecting the sun to move. Anyone else with this problem?
Posted by: J | February 25, 2008 at 08:45 PM
Oh and toddlerhood is WAY more enjoyable than babyhood ever was for us! I agree with many of the posters here.
Posted by: J | February 25, 2008 at 08:48 PM
Not sure if this has been suggested, but my little guy hates the car seat based on the idea of being restrained and alone--he's 8 mo.
Here's our little routine: I put him in the car seat outside--he's distracted by traffic enough not to mind(Doing it indoors, or any waiting in the routine is too annoying for him, and once the crying starts. . .)
Then I whip him into the car, and often give him the boob in the seat--so often he associates the two, and doesn't mind as much (car seat=nursing=yay!), then I !!RUN!! around to the driver's seat and take off.
We also do the mirror and special-toy-only-for-the-car (I picked a toy he's never seen, and is obviously excited about when we see it at the store, and then never sees except in the car). He also has a lovey that always comes along.
When I do have to pull over due to the crying, I nurse him IN THE SEAT--If i take him out, it's just like starting over, he feels led on or something, the screaming is even worse
BTW, the convertible car-seat helps, too, as it allows him to see out. We also play music and sing, which occasionally helps.
Good luck. I feel your pain.
Posted by: Robin | February 25, 2008 at 09:27 PM
I've got two car seat haters too. What helped with the first was when we switched to the convertible seat (Britax Roundabout). I think maybe the convertible seat was more comfortable. Turning her front facing really did the trick, though.
With the second (nearly 4 months), it's just too cold out to put her in the Roundabout now, so I bought an insert for the bucket seat that has a pad to help keep her head in place and pads on the sides of her body (it's a Kiddopotomus product, can't remember the name). That's helped a bit, but I'm counting the days until spring when I can switch seats without giving her frostbite.
Posted by: Dawn | February 25, 2008 at 09:30 PM
Try kid's music- it has saved us from total mayhem- Elizabeth Mitchell's You Are My Flower is lovely, Ella jenkins, anything he/she loves. And I second (or forty) the convertible seat, so they can see out the window. For my next baby, due in July, we skipped the infant seat altogether. The sling and convertible seat are a great combo.
Posted by: Ellen | February 25, 2008 at 10:45 PM
No ideas that haven't already been offered. Though I did wonder with my kids if their aversion to slowing down in the car was a conditioned response to the fact that I was doing a long commute during each pregnancy (~1-1.5 hours each way, man that sounds insane writing it down), and used to get really ticked off about traffic slowdowns (since that could mean a 2-hour commute some days, each way). Maternal hormones (stress!) whenever the speed reduced...
Posted by: hedra | February 26, 2008 at 12:11 PM
J, I recall the firm belief that I controlled the sun, and the fury when I discovered that the sun wasn't actually listening/obeying. So, yeah.
My kids have to have something to put over their heads for sunlight issues.
Posted by: hedra | February 26, 2008 at 12:12 PM
Oh, I so feel your pain! Did you consider length of kid rather than carsickness? I had a big baby (still is super-tall) and by the time he was 9 months his legs were literally bunched up the whole time we were in the car. Long-legged parents made it impossible to move the front seats ahead enough to make him happy. (Hey, where do you think it comes from, right?)
He hated his carseat until we faced it forward. I counted days until a year. Nothing made it better - not mirrors, not toys, not food. The only thing he liked was having the three-foot-long ice scraper to wave around (yeah, like that's happening, kiddo!).
Now I am counting pounds and inches, because his carseat is too small in the shoulders but we can't put him in a booster yet. He's much calmer now, but any ride longer than half an hour is cause for a freakout.
Also, I totally hated every parent who told me, "Yours hates the carseat? We drive my son around - it's the only way he'll sleep!"
Posted by: deezydubya | February 26, 2008 at 02:23 PM
My baby screamed through just about every car ride until he hit 5 months. I bought the Tiny Love Clip and Go Mobile to strap onto his carseat handle, which helped sometimes. And I third Jack Johnson for his baby calming effect...too funny! We received the Curious George soundtrack as a baby gift, and when my son is throwing a tantrum, starting that first tack silences him immediately, in the car or elsewhere. Unfortunately, the peace didn't always last very long in the car. I finally discovered our best trick about a month ago. We live in a sunny climate and I had always kept the sun shade of baby's infant carrier up during car trips, but I left it down during one particularly overcast week and found that he was perfectly content when he could look out the windows. Dummy me...he had probably felt carsick all those months! He still fusses occasionally, particularly if we have to take a trip after dark (can't see out the windows), but it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be! Good luck...you are apparently not alone (though until reading this post I had always thought I was!).
Posted by: SS07 | February 27, 2008 at 01:33 PM
Sorry if this has been suggested, because I didn't read the all comments. My DD has ALWAYS hated the car seat. I've always been jealous of those people who use a car ride to get their kids to sleep.
Anyway, a couple of things that worked for us a little (nothing worked great). A mirror for the back seat so that we could see each other. This seemed to help the most. Reciting books (the Sandra Boynton ones were the biggest hits) and singing songs really helped. For some reason the "twinkle twinkle, abc, and baa, baa, black sheep" seemed to be a big hit. Now that she is older (turned 2 last week) we use books on tape almost every time she gets in the car, and she really likes that.
Good luck! I know it is awful!
Posted by: nancy | February 27, 2008 at 09:09 PM
One thing that worked for me that I haven't seen anyone say is -- pulling the canopy on the infant seat all of the way down. (For reference, we have a Graco SnugRide) After a few weeks of madness I realized that my little man didn't like not being able to see 180 degrees.
Unfortunately, now the sun hits him in the eyes, but he tolerates that better than only being able to see in the tunnel of a canopy.
Posted by: CA mom | February 28, 2008 at 12:17 PM
We're actually pretty lucky that Ever never hated the car, but there were times she'd get sick of it. We got a gift from Grandma - Tad. He's a stuffed frog that has lit buttons that you push and he sings songs. Drove us crazy, but Ever LOVES him. She's now 19 months and Tad lives in the car for every car ride. One of her first words was "Tad!"
And he's much cheaper than a DVD system.
Posted by: dayment | March 20, 2008 at 04:55 PM
our small car. With the rear-facing position, she just gets pelted by the sun
Posted by: whiplash | April 05, 2012 at 09:28 AM
if someone sits in the back with her, but if no one there she throws tantrums. I've tried toys, singing, holding her hand while driving, but nothing seems to work.
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