The other day I schlepped my cats and both boys almost a mile in the snow to the vet (uphill both ways), and wondered "Why don't I live someplace where I can just have a car??" But then I got this email, and felt like a jerk for my car-free self-pity:
"Please help....my child hates being in a car seat and facing backwards. She's only 7 month old, so turning the seat around is a long wait. She can manage if someone sits in the back with her, but if no one there she throws tantrums. I've tried toys, singing, holding her hand while driving, but nothing seems to work. this winter is extremely cold, and its impossible to walk outside for long periods of time, so the idea is to go to the mall. But with this problem its even harder to drive to the mall than slippery roads and cold wind blowing in our faces. Please suggest something that I can do to make her more content with not having someone next to her for 15min drive."
I can remember a 6-hour drive with a 6-week-old screaming almost the whole time. But that seems to have wiped my car seat rage memory. In previous posts on this topic people have suggested that the baby might be carsick facing backwards, and that that may be contributing a lot to her anger. I'm not sure what the solution would be. You could try the Sea Band wristlets. I'd walk into the health food store and ask if they had anything homeopathic (not herbal) to alleviate motion sickness and try that. You could try a remedy like dramamine, but some kids react badly to it.
Readers? Any other suggestions, either of ways to deal with the screaming or to stop motion sickness if that's contributing to it?
My second son hated his carseat- he screamed bloody murder the entire time he was in it *every* *single* *time*! Finally when we were visiting my dad, my dad got so sick of the screaming that he went to Toys r us and bought a new one. He chose the new one by pushing on the padding of every single carseat- the cushiest one was the winner, safety stats be damned.
And that did the trick! I think my boy was just uncomfortable. It's worth a shot- we got one for the bigger age groups too, so he used it until just recently.
Posted by: Kelly | February 25, 2008 at 06:26 AM
When my second was at that age he was also a carseat terror. 2 things helped. 1. A pacifier. He never took a pacifier except in the car. For a few months he had 3 pacifiers in the car. 2. A car radio tuned to static. the static is annoying but it helps! Believe me static is less annoying than screaming.
He is now 2 1/2 and he is a car lover.
Posted by: Jo-Ann | February 25, 2008 at 06:52 AM
I forgot to add he was rear facing till 2 months ago.
Posted by: Jo-Ann | February 25, 2008 at 06:52 AM
We've been really lucky in this respect, except on occasions. Our problem is getting our daughter INTO the carseat. A few things that might help, tho: a very special, interesting toy that is new to her that she loves and only has in the car (similar to Kelly's pacifier); a mirror so she can see you. You could also try putting her in the carseat without going anywhere, play with her for a bit, then periodically let her play on her own for longer and longer periods of time. Good luck!
Posted by: Nina M | February 25, 2008 at 07:05 AM
My son screamed constantly in the car until he was 10 months old. When we turned him around at 1 year, he actually became happy to ride in the car and even sleeps sometimes. It's a miracle.
When my son was around 7 months old, nothing really worked - I still had to pull over quite a bit because the screaming was getting so bad. Rolling the windows down (often preemptively) often helped keep him content for a few minutes. All of the other suggestions (singing, white noise, etc.) didn't do a thing for my son.
Around 8 or 9 months, I started putting cheerios/puffs in his lap and would pop 1 in his mouth at each stop sign/light. That was the only thing that consistently helped. I know choking is a risk at that age, but I had a mirror and felt confident I could stop quickly if that happened.
Posted by: JenN | February 25, 2008 at 07:21 AM
Two things helped us (and right around 7-8 months old): moving the babies to a convertible (still rear-facing, of course!) so they were slightly more upright than in the buckets; and getting a mounted car kick-toy (we had Tiny Love Aqua Seal Kickers) to put by each seat.
Posted by: Shanna | February 25, 2008 at 07:33 AM
My son was like this. Finger foods made all the difference. We found that as long as we could hand him a snack to eat while riding, he was quite content. The key is to pick foods that are easy to hand back. We found rice rusks (available at walmart in the baby aisle), corn cakes (like rice cakes but flatter and less crumbly), and the gerber wagon wheels have worked the best. He also is content with his sippy cup but he didn't real start using that until closer to a year. At 7 months, a lot will depend on which foods you've introduced and you'll want to have someone sit with her the first few times to watch for choking but, assuming all goes well, that will hopefully help a lot.
Posted by: Becky | February 25, 2008 at 07:34 AM
Oh, am I listening to this with interest. My seven month old has always hated the car. Even at the very beginning, he was in one of two states in the car: screaming at the top of his lungs, or rarely and blissfully asleep. Now he naps so infrequently that he's either screaming or suffering the trip with indignation.
I don't think that it is carsickness, I think it is simply that he wants to be in our arms and doesn't understand why it isn't possible. Riding beside him in the back helps, as does making sure he's nursed just beforehand which maximizes the slight chance that he fall asleep. (If he were prone to carsickness, this would probably be a bad idea.) But it still is often simply miserable.
I feel like I've tried everything: singing, patting his head, hiding behind my scarf and playing peek-a-boo, leaning over him and letting him grab at my hair, I've been desperate. Everything works for a few blocks, but there's no magic bullet.
Meanwhile, since the car seat is low enough to be almost invisible from the street, we've gotten more than a few odd looks from passersby who probably think my husband is driving a singing, gesticulating and clearly mad woman off to the mental ward.
The only advice I have is to be armed with a big bag of toys, favoring ones that can hold his attention for a long time and that are easy to grab at and hold onto, so they don't get dropped beyond everyone's reach.
That and, well, I've decided that fifteen minutes of crying is only fifteen minutes of crying, and I'm not staying at home just because le Petit is unhappy. I just do my best to distract him, and if it doesn't work, I try not to feel guilty.
It seems to be getting a bit easier lately, I'll have to admit, but I'd still love to know at what age babies start dealing with the car a little better. One year, two? Or do I have to wait for him to get his own driver's license?
Posted by: Parisienne Mais Presque | February 25, 2008 at 07:46 AM
i would second the mirror and finger foods. both of those really helped with the little one when he was this age. the mirror was nice because then he could see me in the front seat and that seemed to calm him down. now that he's 16 months and forward-facing he's fine with being in the car. i keep a big bag of toys next to me to toss back there if he needs one, and he loves if i roll down the windows sporatically. so nothing really new to add here, but maybe a little bit of everything will work for you.
Posted by: heather | February 25, 2008 at 07:55 AM
Our daughter (6 months old) is not a big fan of driving, but she'll put up with it as long as we're moving. She hates being stuck in traffic or stopped at a light.
One thing that helps with her is turning on an audiobook - that will typically calm her down, even to the point of sleeping. I assume talk radio would have the same effect, but haven't tried.
Posted by: Inki | February 25, 2008 at 07:59 AM
Oh boy. I remember those days. My two year old now throws a complete fit if we stop our car ride before he's ready. Never thought I would see that day. Do you have her in her original car seat or have you moved up to a convertible yet? As soon as we moved to the convertible, our son was a lot better about riding. My theory was because it had a lot more padding and was a lot more comfortable. The boy hates being uncomfortable.). Good luck!
Posted by: Carrie | February 25, 2008 at 08:27 AM
Both of my kids have gone through this - it's pretty rough. I agree with a previous poster that it's poossible the car seat could be uncomfortable in some way. If he's still in the bucket, try switching to a rear-facing convertible. If he's in a rear-facing convertible, find a friend or two with different brands, and see if he likes a different car seat better. I've heard good things about the evenflo triumph in this respect.
I'll confess to dealing with this in probably the worst way - if things are really bad, I let the baby watch a video on the portable dvd while we drive. We actually got it for a long (12 hour) car trip we had to take to visit my parents when he was 6 months old (his older sister already had one - we got him his own. I know, it's terrible). Even with me sitting in the back with him and nursing on demand (not comfy) he still screamed almost nonstop. With the tv, he sits happily for hours, which saved us the cost and aggravation of having to stay overnight halfway. I don't use it all the time around town, but if things are bad, it's a useful tool. One caveat - he hates those baby einstein videos. He'd much rather watch Veggie Tales or Blues Clues.
Posted by: sue | February 25, 2008 at 08:30 AM
Sorry, nothing helpful here (with our first, I felt as though I should be checking for a taser in the seat, he hated car trips so much), but I wanted to send you a big load of sympathy.
He grew out of it eventually, although turning him around didn't seem to help.
Why, look! It's another "Cheer up! Nothing helps!" post from me.
Posted by: Slim | February 25, 2008 at 08:44 AM
My 8 month old was the same way, from the time he was born. We tried several things that worked for us.
First, the paci helped some--he only takes in the car, and plays with it if he doesn't comfort suck. Second, music worked wonders! My husband couldn't deal with Raffi so we got the Johnny Cash Children's Album and my LO adores his deep voice (and I'm not stuck memorizing awful songs). I have been known to turn it up and sing when he cries and it quiets him, too. Finally, we just got him into a convertible seat (rear facing, still) and it is like another child in the car. He falls asleep *every* trip now, with NO crying!
Good luck.
Posted by: Cynthia | February 25, 2008 at 08:47 AM
Oh my God this was EXACTLY my daughter until she was about 10 months old. I have no clue why some babies relish the time in the car while others loathe it, but it was apparently torture for mine. This actually extended to strollers too so if I wanted to step outside, I was pretty much forced to carry my little muffin in some type of carrier on my body. Every once in a while we would venture out for quick errands, but the screaming would rattle my nerves so much that it would take me a while to get back into the car with her again. I remember that she would get even more upset when someone would sit in the front seat next to me and she could hear us talking. If I sat a "stranger" next to her in the back, she would still scream. Same with the stroller. If she would hear me talk on the phone while we were out for a stroll (the rare occasion she was not already crying the second I strapped her in), she would just start to scream. Thankfully, all of that is way behind us now! I am happy to report that both car and stroller rides are welcome at 17 months. The only thing I found was somewhat helpful was "white noise" on the radio and frankly, long rides in the car. It appeared that the longer she was in the car seat, the better she tolerated it. When we took a 4 hour road trip about the time she was 6-7 months old, she sort of resigned herself to the car seat and even napped.
As for those short rides, I think you just kind of have to grit your teeth and know that the screaming will eventually end (once they are OUT of the seat!). We were lucky in that I could actually walk with my baby to shops and could at least get out of the house sometimes, but in the wintertime I certainly had my moments of intense resentment toward her intolerance of the carseat. I also was often tired from always having to schlepp her around on my body. But for us, this was a phase that finally ended, just like the waking-up-every-four-hours-just-because phase ended. I totally feel your pain!!!!
Posted by: J | February 25, 2008 at 08:48 AM
I second the question about is she in a convertible seat yet?
The bub H-A-T-E-D the infant carrier seat with a fiery hot passion. When we moved him up to his cushy new digs in the convertible carseat at 7 months it was like he was riding on clouds or something. He only cried sometimes right when I put him in the seat or when he was REALLY in a mood. But otherwise, he is pretty happy back there, even if he doesn't have a toy to play with, he just looks out the windows and falls asleep. At 14 months he still fits in his carrier seat, but I wouldn't dream of torturing any of us by using it.
Posted by: Nutmeg | February 25, 2008 at 08:54 AM
My DD was the exact same way. What helped us was her holding one of her daddy's shirts. She is very much a daddy's girl. Even now, that she's turned around she still needs to hold on of his shirts to be content.
Posted by: Melissa | February 25, 2008 at 08:54 AM
Earplugs. Make yourself comfortable so you have reserves of energy.
Posted by: SarcastiCarrie | February 25, 2008 at 09:25 AM
I could have written the same post 6 months ago. In fact I did as I was desperate to appease my then 7 month who went berserk every time I put her in her reverse facing car seat. The problem was that we were traveling to France ( 2x10-hour legs in the car) and I knew she would just go off her head on the way ( and me too for that matter). Fortunately for all of us she didn't. In fact she behaved so well that we were inspired to book our trip to Australia when we got back.
But getting back to the point. Even now at 13.5 months old she isn't much of a car traveller. She whines a lot, but doesn't get as wound up as she did when she was littler. She doesn't weigh enough for the normal car seat so she still faces backwards, and is a lot better if she can see me (preferably). She is much worse during fussy periods- 7 months could be around a fussy period so there may be some improvement when she gets a little older. I have to say, my little one is very restless and has to move at all costs. I see her struggling in her car seat and I know she just wants to be out of it to get up to her usual exploring- but understanding and explaining it isn't the same as solving the problem. I think a pair of ear plugs is the best solution, especially if you have no choice but to use the car: that's what we did.
Posted by: paola | February 25, 2008 at 09:34 AM
I'll repeat the loud music vote. Mine, sometimes, just won't not scream no matter what I do so I stop trying and crank.it.up. They calm down within seconds (or minutes). Doesn't usually matter what the music is, though sometimes they're picky.
Posted by: Kelly | February 25, 2008 at 09:35 AM
No solutions here, just sympathy. Pumpkin is fine in the car seat as long as we're moving. She tends to start screaming when we stop. I will get to work as early as required to enable me to leave at 4:30, so that I minimize my risk of a traffic jam on the way home....
Some things that helped a little: having a mirror (mostly so that I could see her and know that she wasn't freaking out for any *good* reason) and when she got old enough to put her binky back in by herself. On long car trips I've been known to sit back there with her and hang my hair over the carseat so that she can pull it (she LOVES pulling hair).
For those having trouble getting the baby into the seat, we started having this at about 9 months. For awhile, an interesting toy distracted her enough to let me get her in. Now, we play peekaboo while I strap her in, using the blanket I usually have over her in the seat.
Posted by: Cloud | February 25, 2008 at 09:35 AM
I'm the one who emailed about my daughter who had (has . . . ) the carsickness issues. Turning her around didn't help. But distraction and keeping the car cool does sometimes. Cracking the windows in the summer while cranking the A/C did the best, but keeping her jacket off in the winter helps a little too when the previous solution isn't possible.
But before she started getting sick, she HATED the car. Especially in the dark. We have some tricks to make her happy for short periods of time. We removed the headrests from the middle seat so she could see out the back window. We put a mirror on one of the headrests so she could see us and we could see her. We gave her books and toys. And the most helpful--music. But only music she liked. Play David Bowie and boy did she howl. Guster, however, put her happily to sleep nearly every time. And if she didn't sleep, she would dance. Once she got a little older, we would ask her to find the cars and trees, and she would point at them.
She stopped howling in the car during the daytime at about a year, but it wasn't until she her sister was born when she completely stopped crying when it was dark (at 25 months old). Luckily just before her sister was born it was the holidays and the Christmas lights kept her quiet for some time. And talking about the Christmas lights with her made her very happy. I think her sister crying while in the car made her realize how miserable it is to be sitting with someone who's crying in the car. Either that or she's just being nice.
Anyway, the BEST solution is to drive at naptime. If you can.
Also a revisionist sense of history helps, I suppose. My husband actually said to me the other day when the baby was crying in the car, "Q never did that."
Posted by: jbq+h | February 25, 2008 at 09:36 AM
Perhaps check the temperature too. My daughter was/is super unhappy when she was/is too hot in the car. I am not normally an air conditioning person, but last summer when she was 6 months old A/C in the car made a world of difference. And now with winter clothes and sometimes a blanket covering her legs, it doesn't take much to make her uncomfortably hot in the car.
Posted by: heather | February 25, 2008 at 09:40 AM
My daughter hated the carseat with the fire of a thousand suns for various periods throughout first year. I got a portable DVD player and some vintage Sesame Street, and it kept her reasonably happy. I figured, it's not ideal, but TV is better than screaming in anguish because Mama has to, you know, go buy food.
Posted by: Melissa | February 25, 2008 at 09:52 AM
I don't have the solution. All I want to say is I feel your pain. My 12 week old went to the drive thru with my husband last night, and when they got home she was screaming in a way I had never heard before. She cried so hard that she threw up on me and took about 45 minutes to calm down. It was the most severe case of the carseat blues I have ever seen.
Posted by: Natalie | February 25, 2008 at 09:55 AM
My daughter also hates her car seat and she is 13 mos. =( She's in the convertible(Britax), front facing, which is slightly better than the infant - I think because it's more upright, not because of the rear/front part, because I still have to sit in the back with her when the family goes on a drive (I've only had very very brief drives with her with no one in the back).
She is ok if she is constantly entertained so we have a ton of toys and books and snacks that I give her. We play the radio and I sing songs and put on puppet shows. But it's exhausting.
For her, I think she just doesn't like being restrained, because she also can't stay in the stroller long. (She's ok sitting in the car seat with the belts undone when we're parked, for example. She also hated the Ergo, and we were told that all babies love the Ergo.) She kicks against and struggles against the belts both in the car seat and the stroller. I have them as loose as is safe. Ugh. We go once in a while to a mall and I watch all the other parents with their happily snoozing stroller babies with envy. She never naps in her stroller.
I'm thinking of buying another stroller in the hopes that it will help. Does anyone have any experience with the Peg Perego Aria? It has belts that can be unhooked from the back of the seat so that the baby can lean forward against the snack bar.
I've done online searches for this problem, car seat/stroller hate, and it does seem common, though most babies seem to outgrow it by 1 year.
Posted by: AK | February 25, 2008 at 10:09 AM
Feeling your pain here. T is almost 7 months old and things have slowly improved over time (we have good days and bad), but changing to a big convertible seat that sat more upright than the infant carrier type seat has helped the most. Also, I just try to take care of any errands as early in the day as possible as he has less and less patience for car rides as the day wears on.
Posted by: wynlatte | February 25, 2008 at 10:12 AM
Another carseat hater here. Isn't it nice to know we aren't alone in a world where everyone says to drive them around to get them to sleep? Not my child, thankyouverymuch. Even though she is mostly better now at 11 months, she still hates to be confined in any way, especially for long periods of time.
The first things I would do would be to nurse her and make sure her diaper was fresh so we'd be starting out on the best possible note. And that did help some. If she'd had a good nap prior, it was usually a better trip.
Moving to the more upright convertible carseat was a 75% improvement. Definitely toys, cracked windows, singing and music help. The music played loud can really help! I learned this by accident when I just couldn't take the screaming anymore and turned up the music loud... and... she stopped crying and settled down.
For longer car trips, I try to bring a bottle of milk and go around nap time and give her the bottle while in her seat so she can hopefully fall asleep. (I have done this by breastfeeding her in the carseat, too. It was interesting. But it worked.) Or leave after her bedtime and she will sleep the whole way. Also, we plan on a few decent lengthed stops so she can get out and move around.
sue - Thank you for the DVD idea! That is what we are going to try for our next long car trip (my inlaws live 5 hours away, and we'd like to be visiting more). So far, TV doesn't hold her attention for more than 15 or 15 minutes, but if that means 15 minutes of not crying, I'm gonna try it.
Posted by: caramama | February 25, 2008 at 10:23 AM
Oh, and for the stroller, mine likes to be as upright as possible. I don't know about the Aria, but we have the Pliko P3. Our straps do unhook, but I never realized why! I'm totally going to unhook them all the time now. Thanks for sharing that!
What I do know is that my little one likes it when it's upright at the highest level so she can look around and move a bit. But she still gets tired of sitting there pretty quickly, so I put her in a sling using a hip hold, which works for mine.
Posted by: caramama | February 25, 2008 at 10:31 AM
Hahah...so we're not the only ones with a carseat/stroller-hating child! Thank god. I wanted to poke my eyes out with a sharp stick when people would suggest, "Oh, he's not sleeping? Just go for a drive...he'll pass right out." HA!
My DH and I would just grit our teeth and stare out of the windows on long trips...the crying made it impossible to talk, and nothing worked for very long.
...until...we bought the Britax forward-facing seat. Once he could see better, and see us more than just in the mirror, things improved dramatically. I do think he had some carsickness riding backwards in the car.
So, no new suggestions, but a promise that it will likely work itself out in short order once she can face forward.
Oh, and props to everyone for doing the crouched over the carseat, nursing while driving thing. I did this often for long trips and people would ask me, "Why don't you just pull over and nurse him?" Um, because he would start screaming the second we started driving again?? My only sacred hope was to nurse him enough so he'd pass out.
I'm enjoying toddlerhood sooo much more than I enjoyed some of the early days, I have to say!
Posted by: meggiemoo | February 25, 2008 at 10:49 AM
hmm, my post was totally unhelpful, wasn't it? sorry about that!
Posted by: meggiemoo | February 25, 2008 at 10:54 AM
This is probably something everyone already knows, but when we were having this exact problem, my husband discovered that the (Grace snugride) carseat has three settings on the base so you can change the angle that the baby is positioned. Once we realized that, our daughter almost miraculously stopped crying in the car. It was such a relief. I don't know why we didn't know about the different setting before, but somehow we missed that bit of info. It made such a huge difference in my day to day life!
Posted by: Monica | February 25, 2008 at 10:54 AM
We had the same problem at that age, and a mirror made a huge difference.
Posted by: Elizabeth | February 25, 2008 at 11:00 AM
My daughter was the same way. LOUD--as in crank the volume--world music--particularly from Latin America or Africa ended up REALLY helping. Now she's over two and still asks for Mambos when we get in the car.
Posted by: Jennifer | February 25, 2008 at 11:01 AM
One thing that you all haven't mentioned that is *sometimes* successful for us is swaddling in the car (or stroller). That's what that little hole in the back of the Kiddopotamus (KP) is for - lay out the KP in the seat first, threading the bottom strap through the rear slit and putting the wings through the shoulder harness. Put baby in seat, fasten harness, close swaddle. Optional: insert binky, turn up the white noise or music.
Another screamer here. He's been a screamer since he was about 8wks old - he's now 12wks. I'm pretty sure it's because he hates being restrained AND he loves to be able to see where he's going. He dislikes slings but loves to ride facing forward in the Bjorn. Thank goodness he's got really good head/neck control, b/c it would have been miserable if the Bjorn wasn't an option.
I think I'll look into a comfier, more upright seat based on your ideas. Can't hurt, will eventually be necessary. Have to think about the DVD player idea - he's still a bit young. :)
Posted by: pennifer | February 25, 2008 at 11:10 AM
My son also hated the car seat - he's still not a big fan, but what helped us was switching to the convertible seat instead of the bucket seat, a pacifier, and Jack Johnson being played over the radio. We are VERY sick of Jack Johnson, but it works every time.
Posted by: Elizabeth | February 25, 2008 at 11:15 AM
Lots of sympathy.
My 2nd daughter hated (hates?) the car with a fiery, hot passion for many months. Switching her to a Britax Roundabout (which we did at 2 months, $100 on the Graco Snugride totally down the drain) helped somewhat. I got a car mobile that I hung for her so she had something to look at. I bought fleece wraparounds to go around the car seat straps on the chance that they were digging into her neck. I bought a good pacifier clip so her binkie never went astray. I (tried) to make sure we never, ever set foot in the car unless she was full and somewhat sleepy. Once she hit 8-9 months, I bought a Snack Trap snack holder and stuffed it full of Veggie Booty.
And I developed a thicker skin to her shrieking, which carried on despite all of the above. Around 4-5 months it got a little less, and has gotten slightly less ever since. She is now 13 months and it is mostly gone for short trips around town (30 min or less). For longer trips, all best are off, so we try to avoid them ...
Hang in there!
Posted by: Carla Hinkle | February 25, 2008 at 11:17 AM
ugh...can i be one who says that we actually miss the old bucket seat? we do a 6+ hour drive a few times a year and she was so good to pass out for 3 hours, wakeup, stop, eat, we'd pee and gas up, back in for another 3 hours. now she's in that stupid front facing seat and blergh she never sleeps for more than an hour and wakes up more miserable and now we take 3 or 4 stops on that damn trip just to give her a chance to not go totally meltdown on us for 6+ hours. sigh.
as a baby, when she was teeny really she only was happy when we were moving and the foot was on the gas- god forbid we would slow down or brake. we found the mirror with the music/lights that we could turn on from up front helped some, music turned loud (more to drown her out, i'll admit), hanging toys from the handle bar, propping up big books on her lap, etc.
if your baby is ever happy in the carseat (outside of the car) maybe it's the angle? if not, good luck, it will pass.
Posted by: pnuts mama | February 25, 2008 at 11:23 AM
You've gotten a lot of good advice here already. I'll just chime in to say that we had (have) the same problem. The switch to the convertible seat helped a little. The switch to forward facing helped a little. Tossing snacks back to the raging baby helped a little. Mostly I think I just toughened up. I know there's nothing wrong with the guy. He's just confined and bored. Keep trying new tricks. Right now (15 months) he likes to hear me sing the ABC's. And he just learned the word truck, so if I point them out that helps. Hang in there :)
Posted by: Jen | February 25, 2008 at 11:41 AM
I have been taking a weekly almost 2-hour trip with my 10 month old since she was 3 months old. I've learned a lot about car-seat screamage. For the last few months, I've gotten really good at leaving when she's super sleepy. She usually sleeps the whole time. It's nirvana. But that doesn't help for short trips. I would give her a bottle if I were you. Even putting water in it would help, but putting milk in there does the trick for me. Also, handing her one thing at at time, like my cell phone, can help. Toys that talk or make noise seems to work the best. I've driven around for 30 minutes at a stretch with my arm in the backseat pressing the buttons at the bottom of a mirror. Apparently, she could listen endlessly to a little voice saying, "Red Crab. Giggle. Giggle. Yellow Lion. Roar." That's exhausting to keep up for 20 minutes or more, but it's better than listening to crying. My husband has bought a toy remote control and cell phone that he likes to use. (He also takes longish trips with her. We have a complex daycare plan worked out with the grandparents.)
Posted by: Sherry | February 25, 2008 at 11:57 AM
I had two screamers. The only things that worked for us? Using convertible carseats instead of the baby bucket (we switched DS1 at 2 months and we never even bothered with the baby bucket with the second one. Just started him out with the convertible carseat-Britax Marathon- from birth).
And the only thing that really 'worked'...earplugs for me. When you've tried everything and they still scream....get a pair of earplugs so at least you're not subjected to the screaming while you drive (or at least it's at a lower volume).
Oh, my neighbor said that getting a DVD player for the rearfacing babe worked well for her. She'd play Baby Einstein while the baby was in the car and she said that helped .
You have my sympathies...and I know this is hard to hear but your babe *will* grow out of the screaming. My kids did around a year or so.
Good luck!
Posted by: sheree | February 25, 2008 at 12:00 PM
with my first baby i thought i would never get out of the house as he would cry on every little ride... but the more i did it, i realized he was crying just for the 5-10 minute rides, and would calm down on longer ones. being a winter baby, i think now he was just cold until the car warmed up. also he preferred highway driving, and short trips involved lots of stop&go.
what finally got both our babies used to the car was to go on long road trips with them. i half-jokingly call it car-CIO - but with both they cried mightily the first day in the car, and we had to stop a lot... and then by the second day they got used to being there, and knowing they were safe and being listened to... with our first, we had an 11 y.o. friend in the car with us on a bad day and she squeaked a squeak toy at our overtired baby until he finally relaxed and fell asleep. her hands were exhausted from the squeaking, lol!
music has been the other saving grace... at first we made mix tapes of pop songs we liked to listen to... and we'd just play the same one over and over so it was familiar... radio didn't work. now that we have a 3 year old, he asks for his own music, and his little sister has had to imprint on that ;)
Posted by: mezzaluna | February 25, 2008 at 12:04 PM
I seriously felt like we were the ONLY ones going through this! I swear, all I hear is "She hates the carseat? ALL babies love the car!" Our 11 month old absolutely LOATHES the carseat, from day one. During the early days, a CD wtih white noise (Happiest Baby on the Block, track 5!) worked wonders, but after a few months of that, she started to become immune to it, and my husband and I thought we were going to poke our eyes out listening to it! Things got a tad better with the Britax convertible, snacks and sippy cup...but no cure yet. I'm counting down the days until her one-year appointment to see if she's 20 lbs...so we can turn her around. T-minus 30 days...
Posted by: Anna | February 25, 2008 at 12:10 PM
@meggiemoo: the helpful part of your comment (for me) was the bit about enjoying toddlerhood better than the baby days. I get lots of parents of toddlers telling me to enjoy my 8 mo-old while he's a baby, because "that was just the most wonderful time". It's a bit like telling high schoolers that high school is the best time of your life; it leaves me saying, "F#%&%, it gets WORSE from here?" So yay for loving the big kids!
The data point from our house: Bug HATED the car while I was not working and we drove only occasionally, and then when he began "baby school" and we got a swing that his bucket seat snapped into (a week apart from one another) he started loving the car. Motion was good, stoplights bad; hearing my voice (to him or on the cell phone) good, audiobooks bad; lights and music mirror good, loose toys bad; reggae good, Harry Chapin bad. Also, in the back seat with him, Daddy is good and Mommy is bad. We just had to keep trying different things until it clicked, and now we follow the routine that works with religious zeal. (Our kid is big on routine; if we go somewhere in the morning that is NOT baby school, the minute we turn away from the route he starts whimpering and fussing.)
Unfortunately, the only thing to do is power through the bad place. As Parisienne said, we cannot feel guilty because the kid doesn't like the car. You gotta buy food, change the oil, and save your sanity. You can try to make her comfortable, and make sure she's safe, and after that it's just an unpleasant situation that she will, eventually, adjust to. Good luck.
Posted by: trope | February 25, 2008 at 12:12 PM
@trope: totally agree about people saying to enjoy these days because toddlerhood is much worse. Everyone tells me this. What the #@*!!
Posted by: Sherry | February 25, 2008 at 12:18 PM
Mine also hated her car seat. We bought a new infant car seat that was about three times as expensive and had a LOT more padding, as well as EPS foam. Instant cure. Now, nine months later, driving around is the only way to get her to wind down and go to sleep!
Posted by: Kathy | February 25, 2008 at 12:29 PM
Oh, I forgot to mention, a lot of our friends' babies hated the car seat, so you're not alone.
And, it is a loving thing to do as a parent to put them in that thing they hate, because their safety trumps everything. And don't let the screaming stop you from getting out. You getting PPD or SAD would be so much worse for your baby than 15 minutes of being upset!
Posted by: Kathy | February 25, 2008 at 12:31 PM
My son screamed in the car seat ALL the time too. It caused me to have some serious anxiety attacks as I had to drop off & pick up my eldest at daycare 3 times a week which meant 4 car rides a day on those days. What a hell - I am so sorry you are going through it too.
My midwife suggested taking my baby to see my osteopath. Sometimes the position of the child in the seat is uncomfortable and an osteopath can gently help get the body into a better posture. As some previous posters suggested, trying a new seat might do the same if you do not have access to an osteopath.
I had also told my midwife that my older child really didn't seem to mind/notice the crying to which my midwife suggested I try to take that approach too...tune it out and just kind of accept that he is going to cry.
I hope it ends soon for you...a few more weeks and spring will be here...
Posted by: canada mama | February 25, 2008 at 12:38 PM
@trope and sherry:
Lots of people would tell me things like that, as well as, "Isn't maternity leave the BEST?? Don't you LOVE it??"
Well, um, thanks but NO, I didn't love maternity leave. It was frickin' freezing out, my son screamed for hours a day, wouldn't sleep ever, and I felt totally isolated. But thanks for making me feel guilty on top of everything else!
For me, every month that passed felt exponentially better. Now at 2+, I'm loving life. Sure, toddlerhood has its challenges, but to me it's mostly just pure FUN. :o) So don't let the negative nellies get you down.
Posted by: meggiemoo | February 25, 2008 at 01:03 PM
I just had to chime in and echo the Jack Johnson thing. M, now 10.5 months, has to take her naps in the car due to our split schedules. She falls asleep by the fourth song almost without exception.
We now consider the level of familiarity to be such that we call him "Uncle Jack."
Needless to say, husband and I could never hear "Times Like These" again and be OK.
A convertible seat and the long trip carseat CIO method also helped the incessant screaming that happened every time we got in the car for the first 5 months.
We also switched the seat out of our small car. With the rear-facing position, she just gets pelted by the sun, no matter how strategically we arrange those almost-totally useless sun shades. Parents with sedans and rear-facing babies, what do you do?
Posted by: Not Quite Rural | February 25, 2008 at 01:10 PM