Q&A: rocking baby to sleep

Eric writes:

"I have been pouring over various entries in your blog for a while now and decided to ask you a few questions.  Based on different books (Ferber, Weissbluth, etc.) and doctor recommendations, my wife and I tried CIO and it was miserable...for us and our son.  It didn't feel right and we were reassured when we read your thoughts on babies who increase tension by crying.

We have found some success by rocking our son to sleep though it often seems to take ages for him to fall asleep.  This might seem ridiculous, but one question is about how to get our son into the crib without waking him once he does happen to fall asleep.  On several occasions, he has fallen asleep in our arms by rocking him to sleep but awakens as soon as we set him down in his crib.  Do you know of a successful way to put him in the crib without waking him up?  Also, what is your stance on rocking him to sleep?  I know that you suggest rocking as a way of calming a baby who increases tension through crying, but should we be letting him fully fall asleep in our arms?  The problem is that if we don't let him fall asleep in our arms and we attempt to soothe him while he is lying in the crib, it takes a much longer time and he seems to be more restless. 

We are experiencing other sleeping problems (night wakenings), but would really like to try to first tackle the issue of getting him to fall asleep without the nightly battle that it always has been.  I am not sure if his age would vary your response, but he is approximately 4.5 months old right now.  He was born approximately 3 weeks early due to my wife's development of HELLP Syndrome. 

Exhausted and eagerly awaiting your response,
Eric"

Ooh. Three things I hate combined into one post:

1) HELLP Syndrome. For those of you who don't know it, it's like turbo-ultra-mega preeclampsia, and is very serious. If the baby doesn't come out, the mother can seize and then her organs shut down and she dies. I'm glad Eric's wife and the baby came out of it healthy. We should all keep a close watch on our blodd pressure and the protein in our urine while pregnant.

2) The 4-month sleep regression. It just sucks. There's no way around it. 4.5 months minus 3 weeks puts Eric's baby smack in the middle of it. It's so so hard for babies to sleep at this age.

3) The cultural expectation that a baby that young should be able to go down awake and that if the baby can't it's something the parents are doing wrong.

Yeah, there are things you could be doing to screw up your kid's sleep. Some of them are obvious, like playing loud music at 10 pm in the same room your baby's in, or snorting coke while you're breastfeeding. Some of them are not so obvious, like drinking coffee in the morning while nursing(caffeine has a half-life of 96 hours in a baby's system--go figure--but it doesn't seem to affect some babies at all) or putting a kid in pajamas that make him/her too hot and sweaty all night.

But aside from a really small group of things, there's not much you can do to change the way your baby sleeps. It's largely a function of personality and age. If Eric's baby needs to be rocked to sleep, that's the way the kid is. It doesn't mean that he'll be like that forever, or even a month from now. Just that it's what's working now. By Any Means Necessary to get everyone as much sleep as possible.

So I think rocking your kid to sleep is fine, as is putting your baby in the swing, or nursing to sleep, or using a pacifier, or having the baby go to sleep with a comfort object or white noise machine or anything else people use. (If you use a comfort object, make sure you have a spare in case something happens to the primary one, or you're screwed.) You child will not need that thing forever, and you'll probably have a good instinct about when you can switch that thing out of the routine. At the very least, you'll do better making sleep changes in your child if you have some sleep under your belt, so think of it as strategic pacing.

But. If it takes forever to rock to sleep, I'd look and see if there's something else that might work better. Eric and his wife tried CIO so they know that doesn't work for their son. (In contrast, my second son didn't want to nurse or rock down, so I tried letting him cry and he fell right to sleep after a few minutes. Stunned me, since my first son would escalate if I let him cry for more than half a minute.) Maybe swaddling would work, or something else. I wouldn't be afraid to try other things, because they just might stumble onto something that will work faster than the rocking. Or maybe not, and the rocking is as good as it gets at this stage.

It's just awful staring down the barrel of a long, long bedtime routine (those of us in the 3-year-old sleep regression can sympathize). You're finally at the end of the day, and you know you're still facing an hour of getting the kid to sleep. No way around it but through it, but it still just makes you want to cry, and ask for your money back.

How many of us have suffered through the problem of getting the kid to sleep but then not being able to put the baby down into the crib?! It's the bloody hangnail of the first year of parenting. I've head suggestions of putting a heating pad/hot water bottle in the crib to leave it warm, then moving it right before you put the baby down, but I didn't have enough hands to do that. You can let the baby sleep for 20 minutes to get deep into the sleep cycle before putting him down (and then let all the blood rush back into your arms) and that might help. I've also heard that in Australia they don't have this problem because they all put their babies down to sleep on sheepskins, and the sheepskin magically keeps them asleep. Honeslty, I can't remember if I came up with anything good at that age because I was so sleep deprived that not much stuck from that phase.

So, can anyone solve the problem of putting the baby down into the crib and keeping the baby asleep? If you can patent it, you'll make mountains of money.

And if anyone else wants to sympathize or complain, please feel free.

 

Comments

[rachel]

God, I think I've blocked out most of this. It seems so long ago, but our kid is only 16 mos. So less than a year! Yikes!

I know I was rarely able to put her down to sleep and have her stay asleep. I know I slept in the nursery with her for a while so I wouldn't have far to go when she inevitably woke up again. (twin bed). I co-slept with her for naps for seven months so we could both get some sleep, but my hubbie was not able to sleep with her in the bed, so we just toughed it out in the crib (up, down, up down, up down) until the phase passed. I think I just kept nursing her to sleep, laying her down, nursing and laying unti she eventually gave up and stayed alseep for a few hours. Required great persistence on my part, which totally exasperated me most evenings, but again, didn't last forever. We started early in the evenings so I wasn't completely fried by then, but nonetheless, it was very difficult. Luckily when she woke up during the night, she went back to sleep very easily on her own. I'm not sure why the first time to bed was so hard for her, but it was.

Best of luck. It does pass. Now, she doesn't nurse to sleep or anything and sleeps a good 12-14 hours a night, so I can't complain. It just took us about 15 months to get there.

[ErinM]

my youngest is 7 months and sleeping in the crib got easier for him after we switched to warmer/softer sheets. I think they're velour (my mom got them at Target I think) and now there is no more cold sheet shock.

Also the previous poster that talked about your arm positioning when you're rocking your child to sleep? Makes a huge difference. If I rock my son to sleep with my hand on his cheek I'm able to support his head with that hand as I lay him down, but I don't remove that hand until he's all the way in the bed and definitely still asleep.

Also, just for full disclosure, he naps in his crib and starts out the night in there, but whenever he wakes around midnight or so I bring him in to cosleep because it makes nursing easier and I like to cuddle.

[midlife mommy]

We had a similar problem. No matter how we got our daughter to sleep, as soon as her butt hit the crib mattress, she'd start to cry. Or, if she was really tired, she'd sleep for 15-30 minutes and then start to cry. The only thing that worked for us was co-sleeping, at the pediatrician's suggestion.

[lucy]

Oh yes ..the guilt... Someone should just be honest and write a book called "Sleeping through the Night; How to Scare, Diminish and Guilt Trip You, So I Can Sell Thousands of Books."

[hush]

I take no credit for any of the rare occasions DS has actually slept for a good 3-5 stretch at night. To echo other posters, it is in large part a function of his personality, but I will share the "means" we've used:

1) DS sleeps best with at least 2 solid, hour-long daytime naps in the crib, room darkened, with box fan humming. When he naps well, he sleeps much better at night; it's the whole 'sleep begets sleep' deal.

2) Putting DS to sleep on an ikea sheepskin in the crib, on his side, swaddled loosely so he can have hands free. The sheepskin has a certain odor to it that we think he associates with sleep.

3) Watching for sleepy signs (glazed over eyes, rubbing eyes) and putting him in his crib when he is drowsy but not yet cranky/overtired. He can't tolerate being awake for more than 2 hours at a time.

Good luck - it's a process and it, too, shall pass.

[Jan]

I went through this with my first baby and it was miserable. I really didn't want to repeat that experience with my second. I'm wise enough to know that I can't force change on my baby, but I found that it helped me immensely to change my mindset.

Instead of going into bedtime frantic to have it over as quickly as possible, I decided to approach it as my nightly opportunity to spend intimate time with my baby. I swaddled the little guy and settled into a comfortable rocking chair with him in my arms. I dimmed the lights, but I didn't worry about total darkness. I watched TV or talked with the Hubby or on the phone And I rocked.

I rocked and rocked and when the baby fell asleep, I rocked some more. During sleep regressions, I held him and rocked all the way through a 45 minute sleep cycle before trying to put him down. When he was sleeping well, I did it sooner, but there was no rush. My observation with my kid was that if he stirred when I got up from the chair, he would wake when I put him in the cradle, so I just sat back down and tried in another ten or fifteen minutes.

(We got a glider with an ottomon and I found that with my feet up, I could very nearly sleep while rocking; it took just the barest of motion to keep the rocking going. If I was particularly tired, I'd put the baby in the sling in his swaddle so that if I dozed off I wouldn't drop him on the floor!)

Again, it's not about the specific technique, which was simply what worked for my kid (and we used other things, too, to get him into that initial sleepy state -- jiggling, bouncing, shushing); it's about the mindset. That, IMO, is about the only thing you really have control over at this point!

My guy outgrew needing to be rocked all the way to sleep at about the same time he came out of the 9-month sleep regression.

As far as Eric's question about whether it's 'OK' to rock the baby to sleep every night ... My advice to new parents about sleep stuff is to be very careful doing something every time that you're not willing to do every time. So if rocking is an OK long-term strategy for Eric and his wife, then Go.For.It. If not, you might want to mix it up a bit -- try the swing now and then, or bounce on an exercise ball, or anything that keeps sleep/rocking from being permanently embedded in the baby's brain.

[Lisa]

No time to read the comments today, so please forgive any repetition...

Eric, I've been there, and it's hard. Do whatever works, and shred the books that try to guilt you about it.

That said, we found that:

- Temperature of the bed was a factor in the transfer. Until he moved to a toddler bed (with flannel sheets), T. slept on one of those microfiber blankets. We had a small one for travel and such, and another big enough to tuck securely around the crib mattress. (Ours was from My Blankee, but lots of places have them. Later found that the My Blankee site sells their fabric by the yard, so you can make a more secure/cheaper crib sheet. Oh - they're having a sale now, it seems: http://www.myblankeeinc.com .)

- Once you're sure the kid is limp-limbed out, count to 100 backward. Twice. It'll make you crazy, but better one more minute of crazy than starting the whole sleep routine over again. (If you use sleep music, wait for 2 more songs before making the transfer.)

- Bend from the waist, back health be damned, and get the baby as close as possible to the matress before putting him or her down. If you're short, a footstool next to the crib can help with this. Then get your partner to rub your aching back.

- Sounds totally counterintuitive, but: once he's totally asleep (as above), try *rolling* him out of your arms onto the mattress, in one quick fluid motion, no abrupt changes. This, of course, means that it's best to have him fall asleep in a nursing-ish hold in your arms (if a back sleeper). Our kid slept mostly on his side once he began rolling, so I'd roll him from on-side-facing-me (post-nursing to sleep) to on-side-facing-away. No idea why this worked, but it did.

[Cloud]

I thought I wrote a nice long post, but it seems to have disappeared. I suspect I hit cancel instead of post... so apologies if it reappears and this is a duplicate.

The gist of my post was:
1. At 4 months, swaddling helped us a lot because Pumpkin kept her same "microenvironment" when we put her down after the 10..15...30... oh god 45 minutes of bouncing (it varied by night).

2. We were using a moses basket then, which made it easier to do a gentle transition. This may or may not have helped. Hubby also occasionally bounced the entire basket. We liked the portability of the basket as a way to help us each get some decent sleep every night. Hubby would sleep with her in the living room and give her the first feed in a bottle. Then he'd carefully move the basket to the bedroom and we'd all sleep until the next feed, at which point I'd take over (and move the basket back to the living room).

3. We settled on a bedtime routine at about 4 months. I don't know if it helped then, but it sure helped at 6.5 months when we transitioned to the crib. And continues to help now (at 10 months). Nothing fancy: nurse, bath, story, bounce. Putting the nursing first has had the pleasant side effect of meaning that either of us can get her to sleep, but we weren't really thinking of that at the time. We were trying to give her more time to fart before bed. Really.

4. We no longer bounce Pumpkin all the way to sleep, so don't worry that you'll be stuck doing whatever you have to do now forever. She now goes down sleepy but awake in her crib and we spend the next 30 minute or so laying her back down after she sits up. We're hoping this will get better soon so that we can move on to the next sleep problem (whatever that will be).

5. My parents talk about this same exact problem, so,as one of the PPs said, this is nothing new and not the result of our modern namby-pamby parenting style and something to feel guilty about. Babies suck at sleep. They just do.

[Melba]

Ah, By Any Means Necessary, indeed!

We found with our munchkin that laying her down on her back was the problem. Someone else mentioned the startle reflex - where the baby's arms seem to fly out and she scares herself awake. We swaddled for as long as we could to prevent the startle reflex, but she absolutely hated it and would get so pissed off and worked up that it wasn't worth it anymore.

Once we gave up on swaddling we COULD NOT master the arms-to-crib transfer without a startle reflex. So we started putting her down on her side, where there is no startle reflex. Plus she liked to curl her knees up, probably because she was gassy at this age. This was at about 2 months old. We bought those triangle wedge things, just to prevent her from rolling to her tummy or back, and also to relieve some of my SIDS-guilt because its the tummy sleeping, not side sleeping, that is higher risk. This was also about the same time that she discovered her thumb (and that she loved sucking it, after rejecting pacifier after pacifier) and the side sleeping helped to keep her thumb in her mouth.

So, By A.N.Y. Means Necessary meant side sleeping (gasp!) and actually ENCOURAGING thumb sucking (double gasp!) and here we are at 8 months old, still sleeping on her side with thumb securely in mouth. But she sleeps 12 hours straight at night and has slowly gotten better at daytime napping so who can argue with that. Oh, and I don't have to rock to sleep every time but still quite often. And I rock her in a position that ensures full thumb-to-mouth access. Ha!

[Lisa]

No time to read the comments today, so please forgive any repetition...

Eric, I've been there, and it's hard. Do whatever works, and shred the books that try to guilt you about it.

That said, we found that:

- Temperature of the bed was a factor in the transfer. Until he moved to a toddler bed (with flannel sheets), T. slept on one of those microfiber blankets. We had a small one for travel and such, and another big enough to tuck securely around the crib mattress. (Ours was from My Blankee, but lots of places have them. Later found that the My Blankee site sells their fabric by the yard, so you can make a more secure/cheaper crib sheet. Oh - they're having a sale now, it seems: http://www.myblankeeinc.com .)

- Once you're sure the kid is limp-limbed out, count to 100 backward. Twice. It'll make you crazy, but better one more minute of crazy than starting the whole sleep routine over again. (If you use sleep music, wait for 2 more songs before making the transfer.)

- Bend from the waist, back health be damned, and get the baby as close as possible to the matress before putting him or her down. If you're short, a footstool next to the crib can help with this. Then get your partner to rub your aching back.

- Sounds totally counterintuitive, but: once he's totally asleep (as above), try *rolling* him out of your arms onto the mattress, in one quick fluid motion, no abrupt changes. This, of course, means that it's best to have him fall asleep in a nursing-ish hold in your arms (if a back sleeper). Our kid slept mostly on his side once he began rolling, so I'd roll him from on-side-facing-me (post-nursing to sleep) to on-side-facing-away. No idea why this worked, but it did.

[Lisa]

No time to read the comments today, so please forgive any repetition...

Eric, I've been there, and it's hard. Do whatever works, and shred the books that try to guilt you about it.

That said, we found that:

- Temperature of the bed was a factor in the transfer. Until he moved to a toddler bed (with flannel sheets), T. slept on one of those microfiber blankets. We had a small one for travel and such, and another big enough to tuck securely around the crib mattress. (Ours was from My Blankee, but lots of places have them. Later found that the My Blankee site sells their fabric by the yard, so you can make a more secure/cheaper crib sheet. Oh - they're having a sale now, it seems: http://www.myblankeeinc.com .)

- Once you're sure the kid is limp-limbed out, count to 100 backward. Twice. It'll make you crazy, but better one more minute of crazy than starting the whole sleep routine over again. (If you use sleep music, wait for 2 more songs before making the transfer.)

- Bend from the waist, back health be damned, and get the baby as close as possible to the matress before putting him or her down. If you're short, a footstool next to the crib can help with this. Then get your partner to rub your aching back.

- Sounds totally counterintuitive, but: once he's totally asleep (as above), try *rolling* him out of your arms onto the mattress, in one quick fluid motion, no abrupt changes. This, of course, means that it's best to have him fall asleep in a nursing-ish hold in your arms (if a back sleeper). Our kid slept mostly on his side once he began rolling, so I'd roll him from on-side-facing-me (post-nursing to sleep) to on-side-facing-away. No idea why this worked, but it did.

[Carla Hinkle]

the only thing that helped at that age?

co-sleeping

the only thing that helped in the long run?

age

the sleep regressions started at 4 months and basically ran together until just over a year. things still aren't perfect but seem to be slowly improving ...

my sympathies. I hope your experience is more short-lived.

[Amy]

Seriously, just do whatever it takes for all of you to get the most sleep, even if it means keeping him on your chest or whatever. Swaddling worked wonders for us ... I think that being tightly wrapped helped her feel less lost in the big space of the crib after leaving our arms.

Just know that you will be adapting and changing your techniques for a long time, each time your baby changes or learns a new skill (rolling over, etc). The best moment for me was finally accepting that it was more important to address the needs in the moment than to worry about setting up bad habits - especially when they're that little!

[Charisse]

More technical stuff on putting down--this is pleasant for your back only if your baby is still on the highest setting of the crib mattress, but a desperate parent can do it with a toddler if need be.

The way you hold the baby is key--for us, a spiral--left arm under shoulders & head, right arm OVER legs with hand wrapping back under butt--worked best. This lets you move them in very securely.

Keep up the rocking motion when you stand up from the chair, and then when you first place him in the crib. Just for a few minutes, then slow it and minimize it, then slip your arms out and sneak off.

In addition to flannel or fleece sheets, make sure your waterproof mattress pad isn't noisy or crinkly. If it is, get a fancy one if you can possibly afford it--it makes a crucial difference on putting down. (We had crinkly ones in the crib and then discovered the lovely Garnet Hill ones for the big-girl bed, which are totally silent and soft. Worth the money if you can.)

And do what the baby needs. You sound like you have great instincts, and it's not such a bad thing to have rocking in your arsenal--my almost-4 still gets rocked down once in a blue moon (maybe every 2-3 months?) if she's crazy overstimulated and/or regressed for some reason. How else I'd get her to sleep on those nights I have no freakin idea.

So hang in there!

[Amy]

Just joining in to empathize. #1 was like this... an hour of rocking only to wake up when I'd lay him down. I don't recall how we finally got it to work. I think I always did the limp arm thing... once you can drop a limb and have it hang without the baby jerking... he's sound asleep.

Baby #3 would fall asleep quickly... but didn't want to be put down. So, well, I didn't put him down. I'd get him to sleep by nursing, then just hold him until I went to bed. Hence, we co-slept (didn't plan on this). But, you know, By Any Means Necessary.

He's 8.5 months now, and still co-sleeps (though starts the night in his bed).

A few things that got us to the point where #3 would let us lay him down... 1) he was about 6 months old, so just being older helped), 2) stomach sleeping when he was able to roll, and 3) and this was the big one... I took the bumper out of his bed... suddenly being able to see around the room, being able to see me walk out, just not feeling so "boxed" in... made such a difference in his willingness to be put down in the crib. Who knew?

Hang in there, Eric. My eldest who wanted to be rocked for an hour or more is now almost 8 years old and happily puts himself to sleep now!

[Sidney]

I am going to comment on laying them down when they are fast asleep. I had that problem with my second(youngest) daughter. Quickly I figured out if I swaddled her in on blanket, had another underneath her (I was holding it too) I could easily lay her down on the same warm blanket she had when she was in my arms. Sometimes I scrunched it up a little, to give her the feeling she was a little enclosed. When she wasn't swaddled anymore I did the same thing but with two blankets. It worked until she was old enough to decide she too wanted nothing to do with me helping her to sleep. Now we are in a sleep nightmare, she is 2 and we are trying to find our way out of this "phase". My eldest daughter we could not use the CIO method, I remember rocking her for so long I just meditated, held her and thought "I could hold her all night, I could hold her all night" She slept thru the night and in her own bed magically since we brought her sister home from the hospital (eldest was 3.5). I still have to read her to sleep. I have decided that there will never be a moment in my life that I say "It's time for bed, let's go" and it will actually happen.

[Simone]

Holy Cow! Halfway through the day and we're already on page 2! Sorry, no time to scan the answers so I'll haphazardly throw my two cents in. Hang in there, Eric!!! You've come to the right place; these women are amazing! Yes, you are in the middle of what I would probably say is one of the worst sleep regressions (at least it was for us). But is does end. In the meantime something a friend did was take one of those warming neck wraps (like with seeds or rice)and put that in the crib. (Actually I think her baby slept in the swing, but that's another story!) Anyway, that was nice because all she had to do was nuke it. No water to rinse or fill, and she could warm it with one hand while holding Baby in the other. Good luck!!

[Hollie]

Good luck Eric. You sound pretty good for a tired parent.
I found swaddling helped one of mine stay asleep. The other it made mad, so there you go. They're all different!

[Emeth Hesed]

One solution might be a baby hammock/rocker/swing. My friend had one with her first and she loved it. She had an Amby with her first and wants to get a Happy Hangup for her next one. I'm thinking of getting one, too. Apparently, they work wonders.

http://www.ambybaby.com/
http://www.happyhangup.com/

(I'm not affiliated with either company in any way.)

If your baby has trouble transferring, maybe he could fall asleep in one of these types of things. You could have him next to your bed but you wouldn't have to move him.

Hope this helps!

[Emeth Hesed]

One solution might be a baby hammock/rocker/swing. My friend had one with her first and she loved it. She had an Amby with her first and wants to get a Happy Hangup for her next one. I'm thinking of getting one, too. Apparently, they work wonders.

http://www.ambybaby.com/
http://www.happyhangup.com/

(I'm not affiliated with either company in any way.)

If your baby has trouble transferring, maybe he could fall asleep in one of these types of things. You could have him next to your bed but you wouldn't have to move him.

Hope this helps!

[meggiemoo]

Amen to Jan for talking about changing your mindset. If I could go back in time to those sleepless first 12 months (!), I would change my perception of the whole thing. My son not falling asleep or staying asleep wasn't my problem...it was his deal. I just needed to get out of his way and be there for him during the l-o-n-g transition to sleeping through the night. The guilt, the hopelessness, the worrying did absolutely zilch to help any of that.

[sam]

Ugh!! My LO is 5 months and I can sympathise. 4 months plus nearly killed me, I still have the hangover!!

I quickly learnt how to avoid the putting-into-the-crib issue. I was an accidental co sleeper. I didn't plan to co sleep, but hubby is often away with work and I couldn't face waking my colicky baby by putting her down when I was on my own. Thus, I learnt how to nurse lying down and would nurse her to sleep then role away or fall asleep myself. I cheated!! No crying baby to deal with in the middle of the night - just a very frequent nurser!!

It's amazing how much they change though. Some of the things I have so far freaked out about;
1. colic, will my baby ever stop crying in the evenings??
2. will my baby ever be able to fall asleep anywhere other than her bouncy chair??
3. will my baby ever be able to fall asleep without a boob in her mouth??
4. will my baby ever stop waking every blinking hour??

The answers are:
1. yes,
2. yes (she's in her crib right now),
3. yes (but not for her afternoon nap so far),
4. yes, until the next regression.

I did nothing to move her out of her phases. Things just changed. I went from having to go to bed at the same time as her or else she would wake, to being able to put her in her crib drowsy but awake in a matter of weeks. You'll sense when things are ready to change.

Right now, we are embarking on the 26 week developmental leap/growth spurt which is causing an increase in night waking. I will freak out about this too. I hope it's another thing that mends itself.

I have read so many books on sleep, they just make me feel confused and paranoid. Plus, they numb my ability to trust my instinct. Go with what works and don't worry. You're doing brilliantly - you'll look back and laugh about how you had to climb into the crib in order to put the baby down.

[pnuts mama]

side note- moxie, snorting coke while breastfeeding? perhaps your funniest line ever. made me snort out my juice. seriously. so thanks!

eric- just another voice in the chorus to commiserate as to how awful it still is at 4.5 months and how worn down you are and ready for a break and not really willing to have this be an issue anymore. my worst moments were between 4 and 6 months, and i wasn't prepared for that at all.

quick tips from our experience- we nursed to sleep wrapped in a warm blankie while nursing) and then let her sleep through at least one sleep cycle in my arms til she was in a deep coma-like sleep before we'd put her down. at that point she was still in the co-sleeper, kinda swaddled, with those sleep wedges next to her. often times i just gave in and let her sleep on me, pillows propping me on both sides. it was rudyinparis' "surrendered mothering" before i had the term. the warm blankie helped the transition from arms to flat surface temperature wise.

honestly, my kid slept best in a swing (side to side, but your kid might like back to front) at that point. if i wasn't such an idiot back then listening to people say "don't let her make it a habit sleeping in the swing!" i would have just let her do all her sleeping in the thing. if her new brother is the same way you can be sure i'll have the swing next to my bed and not the co-sleeper. i think the swing was cozier (more like being rocked in close comfort) and warmer and more rhythmic, and sleep-inducing. and the co-sleeper (and crib, for that matter) are flat, cold, big spaces that aren't very comforting, especially since you can't make it cozy/comfy due to the sids risk.

our kid wasn't able to put herself to sleep til almost a year. not to scare you, just don't think that just cause some kids can put them to sleep earlier, yours is the anomaly who can't. i have also discovered that the exhaust fan in our bathroom is the best white noise machine ever. good luck, and know that everything is a phase that will eventually end. til then, we're here for you.

[Renee]

I just wish I had heard of this site during the early days with J. It's SOO reassuring to read all the different configurations of sleping arrangements and types of sleepers out there. It makes me feel much better about my situation.

The beginning was so rough for us. Only sleeping on us for 3+ months, then sleeping next to us for another 3+. Finally started transitioning to a crib when we parents weren't getting any sleep because of the baby gymnastics going on.

Some things that helped with us and most have already been mentioned, but still: fleece sheet, warming bed, white noise, waiting until J. was in a deep sleep, just going to sleep with him and bringin him back in the bed if it was only a few hours till time to get up.

J. is now 17 months and doing the 18 month sleep regression, so now we just pop him in/on the bed when he wakes up and we all get better sleep. And, thank you Moxie, for your comment about babies who increase tension by crying. We tried CIO and variations of it, and it was horrible. I just felt in my heart of hearts that it wouldn't work for J., but nobody explained it the way you did before. Now I KNOW that dealing with him within a few minutes of waking is so much better for him and us. I'v elearned to trust my instincts with him (FINALLY!) no matter what the books/experts/friend/relatives/strangers say since I know my kid better than any of them.

And remember that everything's a phase, both the good and the bad. So enjoy the good phases and remember that the bad phases will eventually end.

[ks]

I'm by no means an expert-have a 4 month old myself :), but I find that when we are at that touch and go phase of laying him down that gently rocking him with the hand that's still trapped underneath :) or lightly bouncing/jostling the mattress can save you. Mine falls asleep nursing, so I haven't figured out the whole 'put them down awake' thing. I'm not about to wake him up to put him down-that just seems insane :)

[Linda]

We tried laying the little one on her side, rather than on her back. Over time, it seemed to work better this way... Best of luck!

[Linda]

We tried laying the little one on her side, rather than on her back. She wouldn't go into her crib unless she was completely asleep, and somehow being on her side didn't wake her the way putting her on her back did. I also put a pillow (I know,it's often considered ILLEGAL) against her back so she felt supported. Over time, it seemed to work better this way... Best of luck!

[NG]

Maybe this has alreadu been mentioned (So. Many. Comments.) but two things have helped my amd my rock me to sleep 4 month old: 1) flannel crib sheets. That way when I put her it's not onto cool cotton sheets that wake her up when her head hits the crib and feels the temperature change. In the absence of flannel crib sheets, swaddling her in a fuzzy blanket can suffice. 2) the gradual method of putting her down. I have the crib jacked up as high as I can right now and I'm able to lie her down while still keeping my arms around her, under her neck, etc. Then slowly, ever so slowly, I'll move one arm, then the other a little bit away, then a little bit further until finally she's been put down and doesn't even realize it. It takes forever, but is totally worth it.

Now if someone could tell me how to get a child who wakes up every morning at 2 am and thinks it's PARTY TIME, I'd be most appreciative.

Good luck.

[Cloud]

Oh yeah, reading the comments brings it all back... shudder. If forgot to mention in my two repetitive posts (hey folks, I think Moxie's site is a bit slow right now... it took almost an hour for my first comment to show up)... Hubby spend a lot of time sleeping with Pumpkin on his chest. I freaked out about it at first, but am so over it now that I do it, too, now that she's bigger. I find that it helps her through sleep changes, like when she is starting to sleep later in the morning.

Really, by whatever means necessary, but in a crafty, keep your one remaining brain cell on the future sort of way. One of the PPs mentioned the idea of not doing the same thing every night so that associations don't get completely set. We did this, thanks to a suggestion in Ann Douglas' Sleep Solutions book. Also, we take turns putting her down for the night, and have different "styles". This may have helped avoid the worst of the associations. Or maybe not. But it made us worry about it less, which is the main thing, anyway. Whatever sleep screw up happens, you'll deal with it, and the kid will eventually sleep fine.

[Amy]

No real advice here I'm afraid. Just sympathy and a similar situation. I too had HELLP syndrome and my daughter was born 3 weeks early in March 07.
The 4 month sleep regression was terrible (waking every hour) and the only thing that saved me was starting to co-sleep on a consistent basis.
But here we are at 10 months with the 8/9 month sleep regression showing no signs of letting up and I'm losing my mind little by little. I just keep telling myself it WILL end some day.
And as for naps, she still sleeps ONLY while begin held, typically on my husband's chest cause he watches her during the day.
As you can see, we have no answers here. Just my sympathy!

[Michele]

Here's a link to the Amby Baby: http://www.ambybaby.com/

[Julie]

Alex slept on my chest, on his side, snuggled between my boobies until he was at leat 5 months old. I don't think we even tried to put him to sleep in his crib until then for night sleep - but not because we believed in anything but because I was a new mom and was too afraid to not be in the same room with him.

So looking at what we did and the definition of co-sleeping....I guess that's what we did. I'm amazed that I can say "I co-slept with my son" because for us it was just doing whatever we had to do to get some sleep. Huh. Granted, it wasn't GREAT sleep.....but it was better than NO sleep.

[Cristina]

I know it has mixed reviews, but we bought the First-Years-Gentle-Vibrations-Soother to help with putting our sleeping daughter down into her crib without her waking up. It definitely worked for us, and although I worried that we would create a sleep crutch, when she didn't need it anymore we could just tell...

Hang in there!

[anon]

A parent of a 15.5-month-old asked how long the rocking to sleep lasts. I thought we'd be rocking DD, who is now 17.5 months old, to sleep FOREVER. I actually enjoyed rocking her until the amount of time it took her to be out cold started getting longer and longer. Some nights it would take me 45-60 minutes of rocking to get her down for the night. I would get really agitated because by that time of day I was done. (DD is extremely clingy and not much of a napper, so our days are very intense.) Also, I'm pregnant and starting to get too big lean over the crib to put her down in that perfect way that doesn't wake her up. I was really starting to despair about how I was going to deal with an hour-long bedtime routine with a newborn.

Then about a week ago, DD was really restless and not falling asleep at all. I was fed up and decided to put her in her crib, take 10-15 minutes to pull myself together, and then go back in to rock her. Well, she cried for about 1 minute and then fussed off and on for about 5 minutes before falling asleep. I was shocked. This was a child who just 2 months ago would freak out and wail if we put her down before she was in a deep sleep. It's been getting easier and easier--tonight she whimpered once when I put her in her crib. I still like to rock her for 5-10 minutes because I do enjoy snuggling with her at the end of the day. (She gets rocked to sleep for naps still, but she goes to sleep very quickly at that time of day.)

Anyway, I'm sure each child is different, but I thought my experience might give you hope. I feel guilty about the fact that she had to do a bit of FIO/CIO for us to get here, but the new routine is making me a far happier mother.

[anon]

A parent of a 15.5-month-old asked how long the rocking to sleep lasts. I thought we'd be rocking DD, who is now 17.5 months old, to sleep FOREVER. I actually enjoyed rocking her until the amount of time it took her to be out cold started getting longer and longer. Some nights it would take me 45-60 minutes of rocking to get her down for the night. I would get really agitated because by that time of day I was done. (DD is extremely clingy and not much of a napper, so our days are very intense.) Also, I'm pregnant and starting to get too big lean over the crib to put her down in that perfect way that doesn't wake her up. I was really starting to despair about how I was going to deal with an hour-long bedtime routine with a newborn.

Then about a week ago, DD was really restless and not falling asleep at all. I was fed up and decided to put her in her crib, take 10-15 minutes to pull myself together, and then go back in to rock her. Well, she cried for about 1 minute and then fussed off and on for about 5 minutes before falling asleep. I was shocked. This was a child who just 2 months ago would freak out and wail if we put her down before she was in a deep sleep. It's been getting easier and easier--tonight she whimpered once when I put her in her crib. I still like to rock her for 5-10 minutes because I do enjoy snuggling with her at the end of the day. (She gets rocked to sleep for naps still, but she goes to sleep very quickly at that time of day.)

Anyway, I'm sure each child is different, but I thought my experience might give you hope. I feel guilty about the fact that she had to do a bit of FIO/CIO for us to get here, but the new routine is making me a far happier mother.

[hedra]

Jan, perfect perfect perfect comment on the changing what WE can affect - the mindset.

We started calling being 'stuck' under the baby 'trapped by the baby'. As in, 'hey, hon, I'm trapped by the baby, can you go get me a drink and a snack? How about the remote? Thanks!' We used to fight over who got to be trapped by the sleeping baby next. Once you start thinking of it as a nice thing, it, well, becomes a pretty nice thing. I miss being trapped for naps (enforced nap for mommy or daddy... if I move, they wake. If I don't move, I SLEEP. Woo! Nap!). Now, at 3, even if we try to get them to nap on us so we can all nap, they don't want to nap, they want to jump on mommy or daddy or play horsie or watch a movie or read me a book... all of which is also fine, but it jars the expectations a bit when you're still in 'trapped by baby and napping' mode... sigh. Ah, well. Adjust OUR brains, not their sleep.

Likewise with the cosleeping. We sidecar'd the crib for B, so I didn't have to get up and go anywhere for being trapped. With G, the eldest, I slept UNDER him (that is, him on my lap) in the recliner, for most of two years, off and on. He didn't sleep through on his own until 4, and that was after chiropractic. But chiropractic (allergy/etc./etc.) checking out isn't really relevant at the fussy stages - you wouldn't know the difference anyway. They're sleep regressing, they are, no matter how they feel. If it doesn't go away after a few weeks, then consider maybe cow's milk allergy, or milk/soy protien intolerance, or chiropractic care, etc. But for now, you're stuck, so you might as well try to enjoy it as much as possible. Which won't always be much, or may be very mixed (liking the cuddly baby, wishing for own bed with nobody touching me, wishing for own bed snuggled with DH, liking the cuddly baby... gah!).

[Lemon]

Hey Eric, et. al. I haven't even read one post, so I apologize all around if this is a repeat. When my guys were really small, I would take a heating pad and put it on their mattress to warm it up. Then the baby wasn't going from a nice, warm, snuggly body onto a hard cold surface. I don't know that it worked all so well, but at least it made me feel like I was doing *something!!* Our routine was to give a bath (with the heating pad in the towl) and then move the heating pad to the mattress, get the baby fed, changed, and ready and then (attempt) a move to the crib.

[Sarah]

Late in the game here but wanted to add my experience into the mix. Like others before me, I haven't read through all the comments so this may be repeat information.

My daughter is 8 months old now and falls asleep on her own like a champ. She doesn't always make it through the night, but it doesn't take much to get her back to sleep. In the beginning weeks we had the same problems you and your wife are having with your little one. The hospital advised to have our baby sleep in our room for as long as we could take it to help prevent SIDS. Needless to say that terrified me and transitioning her to her own room was as much an issue for me as it was for her. One day I bit the bullet and decided to take care of all of the sleeping issues at once.

What worked for us was really simple. When lying her down we made sure her feet or bottom touched first and her head touched the mattress last. We didn't realize when we laid her down her head would sometimes touch first and being in that position would startle her awake. I thought it'd been the cold sheets waking her up, but once we figured out it was how we were laying her down she'd fall asleep anywhere, most importantly in her own crib.

If she woke up a bit when we laid her down, patting her gently on her tummy around the speed of a heartbeat for a minute or two and slowly decreasing speed until baby's asleep again. Worked like a charm.

To get her to fall asleep on her own, we'd wait until she was very drowsy and started to lay her down with a blanket or other security item. The trick was to make sure it was something that smelled familiar, like one of our tees (like someone else mentioned.)

So long as she was able to snuggle it close to her face she'd eventually fall asleep. It took about a week's worth of tough nights to get it down right, but it's been smooth sailing ever since. Good luck!!

[Heather]

I didn't have time to read all of the comments, so sorry if I am repeating something...4 months was the WORST for me! My daughter woke every hour all night for three weeks straight and never napped for longer than 30 minutes. I lost my mind for a time....seriously, I think I was temporarily insane and I almost got divorced. The only things that have worked for me other than letting time pass, is (1)using flannel sheets in the crib, even in the summer, so the temperature change isn't as drastic when the baby hits the sheets (2)loud white noise...In the summer, an air conditioner works and in the winter, a loud humidifier and/or an air filter set on high.

As far as putting the baby down...mine went through a stage where she woke up when I set her in the crib. I remember being so careful to set her bum down gently first and then use my free hand to support her head and slowly lower it to the sheets last after the rest of her body was already down. Any sudden movement and she was awake. The white noise helped me exit the room without her hearing me. Eventually, once she started sleeping on her tummy, she started rolling out of arms (as I set her down) and on to her tummy. She sometimes even opens her eyes as I am setting her down and then rolls over and goes back to sleep. It's like watching a miracle (She's almost 12 months now)....we have come SO far. Good luck....it will get better!

[bree]

This is sooo familiar. I read every baby book I could get my hands on before the boy was born, but nothing prepared me for just how difficult it can be to get a baby to sleep. What we have found is that his sensitivity to being put down (and other wake-up triggers) varies a lot - when he's teething, hurting, sick, in a growth spurt or going through a sleep regression/'wonder week' time all bets are off. My DS is almost 9 months now and I think in the middle of the 8/9 month regression ... he is fighting sleep more and waking the second I put him down even though we had been doing better on those counts.

Here's what has helped us:
- swaddling. What a godsend. Wish we could still do it, but DS won't have it.
- Holding baby in the crib for a minute before releasing him. Very hard on the back, but sometimes it's just enough to ease the transition.
- Putting the baby down gently but QUICKLY: sometimes I find trying to be too careful actually backfires, whereas if I can get him down before he really notices and I can pat/shush/hold/lay hands on him until he resettles
- Try to remember not to overdo it ... my baby seems to need a lot of rocking some nights and not a lot on other nights ... start with the minimum and work up so you don't wake him up with your efforts to get the kid to sleep. My mental reminder for this is a baking metaphor: don't overmix the batter

Most of all, though, it's just persistence. Keep trying and one day it will stick. Don't worry about it if it doesn't work today - whatever phase your baby's in, it'll soon pass.

[Lisa]

No time to read the comments today, so please forgive any repetition...

Eric, I've been there, and it's hard. Do whatever works, and shred the books that try to guilt you about it.

That said, we found that:

- Temperature of the bed was a factor in the transfer. Until he moved to a toddler bed (with flannel sheets), T. slept on one of those microfiber blankets. We had a small one for travel and such, and another big enough to tuck securely around the crib mattress. (Ours was from My Blankee, but lots of places have them. Later found that the My Blankee site sells their fabric by the yard, so you can make a more secure/cheaper crib sheet. Oh - they're having a sale now, it seems: http://www.myblankeeinc.com .)

- Once you're sure the kid is limp-limbed out, count to 100 backward. Twice. It'll make you crazy, but better one more minute of crazy than starting the whole sleep routine over again. (If you use sleep music, wait for 2 more songs before making the transfer.)

- Bend from the waist, back health be damned, and get the baby as close as possible to the matress before putting him or her down. If you're short, a footstool next to the crib can help with this. Then get your partner to rub your aching back.

- Sounds totally counterintuitive, but: once he's totally asleep (as above), try *rolling* him out of your arms onto the mattress, in one quick fluid motion, no abrupt changes. This, of course, means that it's best to have him fall asleep in a nursing-ish hold in your arms (if a back sleeper). Our kid slept mostly on his side once he began rolling, so I'd roll him from on-side-facing-me (post-nursing to sleep) to on-side-facing-away. No idea why this worked, but it did.

[Sara]

My eldest son was a rocker, all the way until he was 18 months and we put him in a bed and I started lying beside him instead - which I still do now - he just turned 3. The rocking at first would take forever, but after a while we got it down to about 20 minutes & as some other people have commented - I started to see it as one of the nicest parts of my day - winding down and holding my beautiful boy (though I must admit to pins and needles on many occasions). When he moved to the bed, we started with singing the same lullaby over and over and over.

Both my boys have had classical music 24/7 in their bedrooms, though for the oldest we stopped at about 2yrs.

And as for putting down - that sheepskin sure does wonders, not only did we have one in the cot - we had one that went everywhere with us. The youngest stopped sleeping with his at about 8 or 9 months.

Good luck Eric, I hope you find your way sooner rather than later and 10 points for being such a switched on Dad!

[Lisa]

Oh jeez, I'm no help at all, I am still getting woken up to nurse around a dozen times a night by by co-sleeping 12 month old! Driving me I.N.S.A.N.E. Just wait, I'm going to scream for help here very soon!
The 4 month sleep regression sucks, I totally agree with everyone else, relax, enjoy the cuddles and sit and watch a movie with a warm snuggly baby in your lap - bliss! Before you know it he will be 5 years old and gone to school - and you will have missed it!

[Alison]

I think I have a different perspective than many of the other commenters. By 12 weeks ro so it became clear that my baby slept less well with me than on her own (though not that well alone either). I tried a little Ferber during our 4 mo sleep regression, and my baby didn't much like it; I stopped after 5 nights. BUT, when the regression passed, she had amazingly learned the lesson anyway, of how to put herself to sleep. We did a few nights again at around 6 months, working on night wakings, and she's now ~7mos, and most nights I can put her down awake, and she goes to sleep quickly. She's still waking 1x a night, but I'm okay with that for now. I can't do full-out Ferber right now, but I do ALWAYS let her fuss for a few minutes before going in, and that often lets her go back to sleep. All of which is to say, I'd go with any-means-necessary for now, and try some gentle training of whatever style works for you in about a month. When I was in the hell of the 4 month sleep regression, it helped me to know I was going to try something different in just a few weeks.

[Tamar]

Eric, I'm not sure if this will help you at all, but I wanted to share this because it's a little different from what others have said. Our son is ~5.5 months old and we had a very similar situation with getting to sleep, putting down anywhere, and night wakings all the time.

By way of preamble, let me say that while I try to be open-minded and nonjudgmental about all things parenting, there was one thing that I was completely and totally against, and that was sleep training that involves crying.

You probably know where this is going.

We tried nursing, we tried rocking, we tried swaddling, shushing, white noise, warm sheets, sheets that smelled like mama, singing, waiting 15, 20, 30 or 40 minutes to put down, nursing and rolling away, the swing, the bouncy seat, musical light-up gadgets, wearing in various slings, tummy sleeping, side sleeping, cotton pajamas, fleece pajamas. We were also cosleeping (for months already), and I would have been fine with that. But the poor little guy just kept getting more and more tired. He was constantly cranky and crying, and unlike when he was tiny, it seemed like there was nothing we could do to help. It was awful.

I mention this because it sounds like Eric's soothing efforts aren't working so well and I know that I was so dead-against the tension-releaser possibility, I didn't see it. If rocking/nursing/etc. is working, I think it's a great thing! How I wish I could soothe Noodle to sleep in my arms. It was actually hard to get past that and leave him alone, which is what he needs, at least right now.

I should say also that we had already tried Moxie's 5-minute tension-release test and it hadn't worked. In retrospect, I think Noodle was colic-y/high needs/whatever your call it and we tried it way too early, while he was still in the "get me back in the womb right now" phase. Things really changed around 4 months (not a good or bad change, just different) and it took a lot of checking in with my intuition to figure out what he needed.

[hedra]

If you do decide to try CIO methods, PLEASE buy Dr. Ferber's NEW book (not the old one), and read it before you start. There are specific rules and conditions for doing so, and many people kind of try it on their own without double-checking with those conditions. The conditions are there for a reason. BTW, Ferber isn't against cosleeping, etc. He's for sleep, however that works. And CIO is usually meant for a certain type of child. It works very well for them, but there are other methods that also work well for many of them. There are also age limits for applying it, etc., etc. Get the book, if you plan to try it. It may make a huge difference in what you try, and when. (Dr. Ferber is a really kind soul, and has definitely stated his displeasure with people 'misusing' the method - it would be like deciding to try driving a car because you heard it was a good way to get from point A to point B - you might cause no harm, or you might crash, or you might not be able to figure out how to make it work. Learn how to do it, when it is best used, etc., FIRST. *Then* go for it if it seems appropriate.)

I agree with Tamar that time/age is a factor - some things change quite dramatically after any given sleep regression/stage. They're new in many ways, each time. This can be challenging, because you have to learn them 'again' (or as I would always say 'catch up to them' - because they always grow ahead of my comprehension rate... sigh.), but it also allows an opportunity to try new things and see them in new ways.

Also, I'll reiterate something that researchers have found over and over - if you're in a fussy stage, you'll try ANYTHING to get them to sleep. At your most desperate, you'll try things you never dreamed of. THe most desperate point is usually about 3 days to a week or so before they END THE STAGE. So... it seems like 'I do X, then hey, they start sleeping!' but researchers find that no matter whether you change your path, try something new, or stay your course, things improve at the end of the stage. PERIOD. This has been shown in clinical studies of the ever-favored wives tale that if you start them on solid food they'll sleep. Parents who started their 4-ish month old on solid food ... ta-DA! within a few days or a week or so, the child was sleeping! WOO! Solid food 'works'! And yet, parents who were advised to not add solid food (and held out - not all of them did)... within a few days to a week or so, the child was sleeping! WOO! They start sleeping longer when they exit the stage (or many of them do, anyway). The results aren't always from something we do. In fact, for sleep, they're often utterly unrelated to what we did. We just get desperate and start trying new things when we're low on sleep for a while, and think it's what we did that caused it, and so if we just change it... ta-DA! it will work. Only, so will doing nothing other than hunkering down and getting through by whatever means we can, until the stage is over. Wait until after the stage passes, THEN set yourself up for the next one (coming up sooner than we'd like, at that age). It is much like weaning - the easiest time to do it for everyone is when they're NOT driving you nuts with their neediness and constant nursing. That's just when we get desperate to do it. Weaning when they're in an easy stage seems... well, wrong. It's easy. It's no bother. It's nice. Why stop now? Only because it is easier on everyone when you try to make a change when everyone is at their best, NOT when they're at their worst. I ended up night weaning between stages. It was SO easy. I had tried repeatedly during stages where they were bugging me to death, and it was hard hard hard! Timing counts.

Again, best of luck!

[hedra]

(None of that is to say that Tamar was wrong, I didn't mean it to come out like that at all. You know your child, you learn your child. Sometimes a technique won't work because it is wrong for THEM, sometimes it's just a matter of timing, or them changing.)

[Shan]

Guess what? At age 7, I still spend an hour in our bedtime routine, but I decided it was time well spent. (I spend an hour with my 3YO too, but I figured that wasn't nearly as unusual. :-)) We have "special playtime" (usually a card game for 15 minutes), then teeth, bathroom, etc., and then I read to him for about 15 minutes. Then I tuck him in and we snuggle/talk for another 10 minutes. Somehow it all adds up to about an hour, give or take.

This isn't meant to be depressing, because I have BTDT with the 4 month old sleep stuff for sure (four times, in fact! :-)). Just a reminder that we in this parenting deal for the long haul, and the demands evolve but we still can/do choose to spend the time with our kids as they need it (and as we can manage it). Since I work full-time outside the home, dinnertime (which is, of course, crazy-time) and bedtime is about the only time I get with my kids, so we make the most of it and don't try to rush through it. After 9 p.m. is my time for myself and for my older boys (they don't usually want a bedtime routine together at age 13 and 17! Though sometimes even they want some Mom-time - imagine :-)).

[Shan]

That is, my SON is age 7 (my third guy)...not me! Just in case there was any confusion. ;-)

[Claudia]

Ok, since cry it out (CIO) was brought up, I'll toss in my two cents.

First of all, we had the horrible 4-month sleep regression. Though I didn't know it was normal til afterwards. I could never seem to get caught up on my reading ahead of the events to come. It was hell, and we in effect waited it out, since nothing we did worked. I believe Boo boo went from her borderline colic-y 2-3 month stage to her 4-M.S.R. with maybe a week's breathing room. Oy.

Ok, on to CIO. We have Ferber's book. I studied it, and consulted with my husband. We decided to try it when she was 6 months. Clearly she either was not the type to go for it, or developmentally ready. Didn't know which at that point, but after only one 45-minute period of her getting more wildly hysterical than I'd ever seen her (except for the heel blood draw- oh, that was awful), we said no way.

I read more, got myself more girded mentally and emotionally for another attempt and tried again at 7.5 months. Worked just like it was supposed to: Night one- about 20 minutes of crying, with the last 10 being intermittent. Night two- 10 minutes crying. Night three- 30 seconds of crying. Night four- I laid her in the crib, and she sprawled out and waited for me to cover her up (we live in Europe. It's normal to use blankets here. Do whatever is acceptable for you!) Anyway, I nearly died of shock. She has been mostly a breeze to put to bed since, excepting some other milestones.

Anyone want to help me out with the 21-month freakout that's going on at my house? I'm at a loss.