Q&A: late talker?

Suzanne writes:

"We had my daughter's 9 month check-up yesterday (a few days shy of her 9 month birthday) and the pediatrician said he isn't overly concerned about but that we should keep an eye on my daughter's babbling, or lack thereof.  She is on track developmentally with all other milestones but really doesn't babble at all.  She engages with my husband and me as well as others, smiles when smiled at, imitates certain actions like clapping or blowing raspberries, is very interested in activity - notices when someone leaves or enters the room, watches and is amused by the dog, and at our playgroups she seems interested in other babies.  Her hearing also appears to be completely normal, she passed her screening at birth and has not had any ear infections and responds to sounds.  So my gut tells me that if there is anything amiss it is probably specifically speech related and not something broader (autism spectrum).

I don't work and she is my only child so I thought maybe she's just not hearing as much language as babies her age with siblings or in daycare.  While I do talk to her a lot (narrating activity) and read and sing to her, you can't talk every minute of the day!  And the thing is, my husband is somewhat of an introvert and not much of a talker so maybe there's a genetic component?

I was hoping some of your readers may have experience with a late talker that sounds similar to mine."

I sometimes think we know way too much. I can't, in my wildest dreams, imagine classifying a 9-month-old who doesn't babble a "late talker." I'm sticking with the standard "20 words by 20 months" rule that's applied for years and years. (And by "words" they mean a noises that consistently means the same thing, like barking when they see a dog, or making fire engine noises, or saying a special word to mean something.)

What I've always been told, and what I saw playing out in rather dramatic fashion as the kids in our playgroup turned 2 and then 3, was that receptive language is the key. If kids understand and respond, then they'll be fine with language even if it takes them longer to get there and they need a little help. My older son was an extremely early talker, as was one of the other girls in the group. There was another boy and another girl who were hardly talking when they were 2, but understood everything and could follow directions (as much as any toddler does).

The girl was hitting all her other milestones, but barely said more than 5 words by the time she was 3. By the time she was 4, there was no difference in her speech and no one would have known who was the late talker. It just took her longer to get there for some reason.

The boy was also not walking by the time he was 20 months, so his parents got an early intervention assessment and it turned out he had some low muscle tone. They started working with a physical therapist and a speech therapist. It turns out that for some kids, movement and speech is linked. Once he started walking, it was as if someone just flicked a switch and he went from 5-10 words to 400 over the course of two weeks. It had all been stored up there in his brain, but he just wasn't able to get it out until the walking fell into place. They worked with a speech therapist for about 6 months to help with the low muscle tone in his jaw (which caused some enunciation problems), and by the time he was 4 you'd have had no idea he was late at either walking or talking.

I know these aren't expert assessments of what's going on with your daughter. They're stories meant to show that all kids are different, and some kids do some things earlier and some later. The mom of the girl never felt like there was anything wrong. The mom of the boy felt like there was something wrong, and it turned out she was right. I think that you should pay attention to your own feelings, your "mom spidey sense," and follow that. If you think there's something up, then look for help, even if your doctor brushes you off. But if she's on target and is responsive and happy, then she may just skip the babbling phase, or do it late.

Anyone want to share stories either of "late talkers," or of trusting your instincts and how that went?

Comments

[Sally]

Our oldest didn't babble. He just watched and listened and understood most of what we said. He had 0 words at one year, two words at 13 months, 30+ words at 15 months and was talking in simple sentences at 18 months. Our pediatrician said this is the common pattern for children of scientists and engineers. His dad's a mechanical engineer.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, our youngest just turned one and already has 20 words. He's just so ready to be verbal. I'm resolutely NOT an engineer so I guess he takes after my artsy-bookish side of the family.

[Jill]

Absolutely. My now 7 year old daughter was an early walker and talker. She was always highly verbal, and she still is.

*ahem*

My 2.5 year old son just recently starting talking in the last few months. He never said a word at all until he got tubes in his ears due to chronic ear infections and a life-threatening anaphylactic allergy to antibiotics. Yo, that's a fun combo.

But as a result (probably) of his many ear infections, he had some difficulty hearing, and sure enough, a speech delay. His receptive language seemed basically ok, though. He also has the temperament of a "watcher", for what that's worth. He walked late, as well, but not out of the range we were comfortable with. He's just a chill little dude.

He's catching up quite nicely now, though, and I'm sure he'll be just fine. In a few more months, you'll never know he had any delays.

And I don't discount the influence of genetics. I never said a single word until I was three, and then started speaking in complete sentences, my parents tell me. I am also a watcher to this day.

[Missy]

I am the mother of three and I had one child that wasn't all that interested in talking. He wasn't really a babbler, more of an observer. My pediatrician was never concerned, even when at 2 he was not saying much (he could say many words, just never used them). At 3 he was talking a ton, but we didn't understand most of what he said. 6 months of speech therapy solved that problem. But even in speech, he didn't make gradual progress. We were getting frustrated, his therapist was frustrated. And then suddenly one day, he just started using all those sounds he had been working on at once. But I think some kids are just like this - they don't really practice or work things out (at least not that we see), they just suddenly do things. He is now 4 and I have to stop myself from saying "can you please just stop talking for one minute?"

So I would agree with Moxie that all kids are different, and not only hit milestones at different times, but come at them in different ways.

As a sidenote, my co-worker just took her 9 month old to the pediatrician. He also was not babbling, just shrieking. The pediatrician was very concerned and freaked out the baby's mom. A week later she reported the baby is babbling up a storm!

[Heather]

For my daughter, talking was definitely connected with walking. She had very few words prior to walking and then it all just exploded after she started walking. I also noticed that daycare prompted earlier verbal development with her. I think it all comes out the same in the long run, it's just that at daycare she is forced to learn to express herself to interact with the kids and get her needs met. When she's home with me, she doesn't have to say much because I generally know what she needs. I think 9 months is pretty early to say that there is any real verbal delay.

[Sherry]

I had the same feeling at the 9-month checkup when the doctor said, "Is she saying ma-ma and da-da?" Um, no. Now, at 10 months, she is saying na-na (not referring to me necessarily) and she's saying da-da to refer to everything. She's just started humming to music sometimes. We think that's really cool. But I'm guessing she's not going to be an early talker. We'll see. She's an active little bugger, so I'm happy about that.

[Kate]

More data points (and undying gratitude to Signing Time):

We exposed my daughter to signing (ASL) at an early age. She began to sign back at 11 months, when I think she had a word or two only. Her signing capabilities far and away outstripped her speech capabilities for many months--she had a sign "explosion" at 13 months and a speech "explosion" at 19-20 months. At her signing peak I think she had over 150 (with less than 20 spoken words at the same age); it probably took her until nearly two to come up with that many spoken words. And it took a while for real sentences and to sort out pronouns and parts of speech and all that. Now (age 3.75) she will.not.shut.up. Unless she is watching Curious George or Super Why. Anyway, I was a nervous first time mother, surrounded by some very EARLY talkers, but eventually it all evened out with absolutely no help.

My son is now 22 months. He babbled "on time," although not a lot, and he did not form words. He was also exposed to signing, but did not take to it until he was 13m. We always felt that his hearing was fine and his receptive language was frighteningly good. Someone asked me when he was 16 months if he was in speech therapy because "he so clearly has something to say" (very expressive grunting). At that point I thought it ridiculous because he was still such a baby, but 3 months later, when he still had no words, we had him evaluated (mommy spidey sense kicked in, finally). The speech therapist knew within minutes why he was having a difficult time...but his receptive language was so good and his performance in other areas of the eval basically disqualified him from early intervention.

He is currently in speech therapy 2x a week at a local university, working with a grad student in speech pathology and her professor. Their big thing is to make the brain-mouth connection (sequencing), which basically got rusty because he couldn't use his mouth properly. We are seeing slow signs of progress--he has maybe 3 "words" now, but is also starting to mimic others' speech patterns, which he hadn't done before at all.

In the meantime, his sign vocabulary is really enormous. I haven't counted lately, but it must be somewhere in the 150-200 range. It is totally our lifeline. Don't get me wrong, he is a typical toddler in every other way, but at least I know *why* he's having the tantrums.

Anyway, for Suzanne, I'd say keep an eye on it, but I think it's premature to have it at the forefront of your mind. She certainly seems engaged in other ways--and might just come out with it all at once.

[Ellie]

My son didn't babble at all until 10 months. He also didn't wave or clap. But it was obvious that he was developing normally; we never really waved or clapped around him! By a year, his receptive language was remarkable, but he still didn't say words. Now, at 19 months, he has started to talk. He says a lot of words, more each day, but still doesn't combine words. However, he does express himself well verbally. In addition, at 15 months he had at least 60 signs, so communication has not been frustrating for him.

I highly recommend signing with any kids who show signs of being later talkers. It can make a huge difference in their frustration level when they are ready to communicate but can't yet talk.

[swissmiss]

My doctor looks for Mama and Dada by 18 months.

My older son didn't hit the "new word a day" stage until 27 months. And now that I have a second child, looking back I don't think he was big on babbling and cooing, either. Now he's just turned three and I cannot. shut. him. up. One day, literally one day, he figured it out. The word was Bum-bum bee. And it's like the flood gates opened - like that scene from Hellen Keller where she runs from object to object asking for its name. It just clicked and there's been no stopping that kid since.

[terri mac]

My daughter was just like yours. Highly engaged, but never really babbled, then said her first word around 9.5 months. Now, at three, I get daily comments on her advanced speech and diction. Your daughter may just be waiting until she's ready.

[Dorie]

Suzanne - the way you described your daughter sounds exactly like my son at that age (he's 14 months now). He rarely babbled or cooed until he was at least 10 months+. Now he babbles nonstop and is just now starting to say a few words. He also has sounds he makes whenever he sees a car/truck/tractor (vroom-vroom) and animals (woof-woof).

He's right on track with everything else developmentally so I'm not worried yet. But I do plan to question his doctor at his 15 month checkup. And if he needs speech therapy it's no big deal. My mommy gut tells me he is fine otherwise.

You are doing everything you can and I think you just need to give her a little more time.

[Charisse]

My daughter is a "watch then do" for everything BUT language. She had no crawling or pulling up until 12 months (we were very worried), then suddenly crawled in classic hand and knee fashion. Walked at 16 months, with few prior attempts. Now, for her I don't think mobility and speech were connected--she had several distinct words by 10 months and 25 or 30 by one year--before being able to crawl. In her case, the pedi checked her muscle strength and thought it was fine, so she said Mouse most likely was putting a lot of energy into talking and would get to mobility when she got interested. I'm sure that was right, but it's also a personality thing--to this day (nearly 4 years) with physical skills, she waits until she's really confident and then does them well. No stumbling early attempts, just waits. I've known other kids who were like this with speech, especially as the first commenter said, the child of 2 scientists.

[Eve]

Oh, my God, I love you guys!

At 9 months, my daughter waited until the day after I called her pediatrician about her lack of babbling to launch into a nonstop stream of "babababa" and "mamamama."

Now, at just-turned-14-months, she says "dog" and "uh-oh" and "hi," but still not "mama" or "dada." But she claps and waves and points to things when we say "Where's XYZ?" And she gives hugs and kisses and is incredibly social. My "mom sense" tells me she's fine and will be a bright and funny little girl.

But I had a thyroid issue during my pregnancy, and because of that (and because I'm crazy) EVERY little issue makes me panic and think: "Oh, no, my thyroid made her IQ really low."

So anyway, all of these stories are making me feel much better. Thanks.

[Sara]

My son was a late talker - he understood and responded to others speech from an early age but was not interested in talking very much (colours rated well, though). At the babbling "stage" he would babble a little in the morning but not throughout the day.

The Nana's started worrying at about 2 years, though I felt sure he was okay, and as his dad had also been a late talker I felt it was too early to worry. Though shortly after we were about to move to a non-english speaking country so I had him assessed at 27 months, as I wanted to be sure he was not confused by the new language. We were assured everything was okay and three months later we were enjoying 3 word sentences. And now, at 3, it never stops.

As moxie said, trust your "Mommy sense", and wait a little longer.

[Katy]

Wow - what a timely post. We've been down this exact path over the past 8 months - and we're still on it. We had exactly the same concerns when our son, BJ was 9 months old. He made very few sounds and didn't babble at all. We did an evaluation with the pediatrician who said that BJ was technically still on track so we didn't worry. At 12 months, he still wasn't making any real speech-like sounds and there were a bunch of other red flags as well- he could not imitate us, no waving or clapping or pointing etc. I signed with him from a very young age and he never even tried to sign back. He also didn't show us things ("joint attention") or express his needs. However, he was very social, super smiley and engaged, laid-back, interested in people, great eye contact and his receptive language was fine. So at 12 months the doctor wasn't worried but I was. He told me there was nothing to be done until BJ was 18 months anyway, so we should just wait.

That didn't cut it for me. I found a daycare/pre-school that is run through our university's autism center. They evaluated BJ and said that he was "probably" autistic (PDD-NOS) and offered him a spot at the school where he started at 15 months. He also didn't walk until 18 months and has very low muscle tone so those things definitely seem connected. BJ now gets speech therapy twice a week (as well as the therapy they do at his school) and they work on prompting his mouth to help him learn how to make sounds. The only sound he can make on demand (he will make random sounds while playing) is da-da and even though he understands everything we're saying to him, he cannot reproduce those sounds.
The good news is that now (@ 20 months) he's stayed social, smiley etc. and has now started pointing (albeit with 4 fingers) and waving and clapping. In the past month he's actually started making one or two signs (he LOVES the "Signing Time" videos) which is huge. One doctor we've seen thinks that the autism diagnosis will probably drop out soon and that BJ has "dyspraxia" (a.k.a "apraxia" by speech therapists) which is a motor-planning disorder that means BJ understands language but has trouble coordinating his mind and his mouth. He might just be a late talker, but it seems that the inability to copy us or form specific sounds is a motor-planning issue that needs work.

So I guess what I'm saying is trust your gut but don't panic. As your daughter IS imitating your face and IS very interactive, it's unlikely that she has autisim. If you feel fine about her development in general, then you shouldn't worry right now (well, easier said than done, I know) and, as so many have said above, I'm sure her words will come when she's ready. However, if you stil have concerns by 12 or 15 or 18 months, it never hurts to get an evaluation by a speech-language pathologist. Speech therapy can't harm, it can only help, and it's covered by the state's Early Intervention program. For the peace of mind, and the knowledge that you did get it checked out, it's probably worth it. I will be happier than anyone if BJ turns out to just be a "late talker" but I will never regret the money and time we've spent on helping him catch up.
Sorry for the long post and I hope I don't sound preachy - every child is different, so our story may not be relevant at all, but I wanted to share it in case it helps.
Good luck.

[Diane]

All I can offer is a data point. My daughter never babbled much. She rarely made a sound that wasn't a cry or maybe a grunt of effort. This was up until she was about 10.5 months old. Then she just started talking one day. By 12 months she had over 20 words, by 14 months over 100 (we lost count around there). Now at 18 months she's doing 3-5 word "sentences".

Like I said, just my data point, to let you know that a lack of babbling doesn't 100% imply speech delays.

[Aaron]

I skipped a lot of the comments b/c I don't have time to read them right now, but am very interested in this topic. Right off the bat I have to agree with Moxie and say that we know too much. We also don't celebrate the norm. Who says it isn't normal for a 9 month old to do what your 9 month old is doing. We only seem to celebrate early talkers/walkers/crawlers/ whatever!

The other day I was at my work (still on mat leave - in Canada) and a friend gave me a gift she had bought my daughter when she was born, but she hadn't been able to get the gift to me yet. In it was a teether. The friend made a comment that she probably doesn't need it anymore. Ah, but she does, I replied, she has no teeth yet. Someone in the room piped up and said, "8 months and no teeth?" Yeah, 8 months and no teeth, you got something to say about that?? I thought. Why is it such a competition that our children do everything earlier and earlier. They have a lifetime ahead of them. Let them be I say.

[Kate]

As far as being exposed to speech, according to my understanding on the latest research, a child learns far more from listening/interacting one on one with an adult than with other children. It sounds like your daughter is hearing more of the right language than other kids.

[Sarah]

I'm sure that this post strikes a nerve with so many parents - not necessarily because our children have the exact same issue (if we can even call it that!) but because of the anxiety around when a child does something. It's interesting - I tend not to worry about where my kid is until someone ELSE says something. There are times when parenting, particularly in public (including with the doc) can feel so dehumanizing, to our children, and to ourselves. All that said, of course, when there are issues, there are and it's important to pay attention. But, it seems like with most folks I know, our problem is not paying attention, it's anxiety.

Suzanne, sounds like you're doing a great job paying attention. And I sympathize with the worrying...

And as Diane said, "Let them be!"

[Third Culture Mamma]

Although my own daughter started babbling early on, at 16 months her vocab level isn't has high as alot of kids her age but I try to ignore it since she's doing fine in everything else.

To not be making tons of talking-noises at 9 months seems totally normal. I used to teach in a bilingual school in France and there were two 2.5 year old kids (they start them early in France) that were dead-silent - literally never spoke a word. But everything else was fine and no one seemed particularly worried. It's hard though when we are constantly comparing our kids to the charts and other children. The worst I think is when someone (doctor/friends/mother in law etc) points out something that you never would have imagined to be a 'problem'. We have to trust our gut more.

[hedra]

I had one late babbler. He has an articulation delay, and at 6 years old, still is on the tail end of articulation (though not off the scale, and as he's been learning phonics-based reading, he's picked up the L/Y distinction pretty effectively, still working on TH).

Anyway, my opinion:

1) Pediatricians are screeners, not assessers for speech/language. If you're concerned, a good SLP can tell if there's a physiological or neurological issue very quickly even with a child that age. Or so says my BIL, who is an SLP, and specializes in kids with neurological and developmental disorders. Odds are good that your child is just on the tail end of the 'right this minute usual pattern' and will take their own unique trajectory through it. Just don't assume that the pediatrician is the one who can make the call for normal/will-outgrow. They don't have the expertise.

2) Yes, receptive language is the more critical point. Signing can really help a kid who can't figure out how to make the sounds (yet) but has things to say. We did some signing with all the kids. I was cracking up (to myself) recently because M still signs 'more' when she wants something (while asking in words), but seems utterly unaware that she's doing so. (As an aside, I went to a mainstreaming-entry school for kids with hearing disabilities, as one of the hearing kids, and I still tend to talk to myself in sign language, rather than out loud. I only talk to myself out loud when my hands are occupied.)

3) If you do opt to go the Early Intervention route, be aware that there's something of a tendency to overstate the severity of a delay that is borderline (at least in some agencies). So take anything you get with a degree of calm.

4) If you're concerned about her being on the lag-end of the process, but she seems within the total range, consider getting baseline assessments done about every six months (1 year, 18 months, 2 years, etc.). That will do several things: a) gets you in the system so your wait time is shortened if you need them (at least sometimes that works), b) give you reassurance of normal progress or details of exact deficits (for me, wondering is way worse than knowing for sure), c) they'll give you all sorts of resources for enhancing exactly the areas they think MIGHT be weak (plus any that actually are), plus checklists for what to expect/look for that are probably more relevant to your specific experience, and d) they'll be able to catch if your child slips below the normal trajectory at any of those points.

This is what happened with B - he babbled late and poorly, did odd sound substitutions when he began to talk (simple sounds for harder sounds but not necessarily phonemically RELATED swapping - like, S for D), and set off my spidey sense. The doc said 'eh, he's okay' (because he had the requisite NUMBER of words, and was generally intelligible), but after my BIL (the SLP) said, 'well, you might want a formal assessment to be sure', we went ahead. He was within range at 18 months, but they noted the oddities and suggested that if I was still concerned in six months, bring him back. He was then very low but hanging on to the range at 2 years. And back again, to find he was well below range at 2 1/2 years. His trajectory was low, and he only crossed INTO normal range briefly. He was 'caught' at that point, and got his speech therapy for a while, 'graduated out' when he was able to make the sounds (just didn't do so all the time), and then from there the teachers at school have been his main resource. He's still on the lag-end, as I noted, but he's within range (TH blend is a hard one, some kids don't get it until they're 8, though most are working on it well before then).

Many kids hit some developmental point and leap into normal range or ahead. But there's no way to identify which child will do that, and which will not.

Also worth noting: Sometimes the mom spidey sense needs fine-tuning. Often, if I find myself asking other people for reassurance that my concerns are valid (or not valid), I get thrown off by reassurances based on kids who show some of the same main features as my child. But the data pool from anecdotes is too small to make that assessment, IMHO. If I'm going to the effort of asking people, that's my first clue that I might just plain need some professional tuning of my spidey sense. That's why I like to call in a specialist, someone who has seen hundreds of kids 'like mine', and not just a few. They're more likely to be able to spot the subtle parts of the pattern, where peers may just spot the high points. I've made the wrong call based on peer assessments because they had or knew kids like mine, and it seriously SUCKS.

You'll still have to use your own spidey sense, though. But that's my experience. Anecdotal like everyone else's, LOL!

[jen]

There was a time when this site came in so helpful, so resourceful, so very vital to me. Now, having 2 kids (the youngest finally over a year old) 18 months apart, I'm reading the recent posts and thinking how insanely crazy new parents are and HOW MUCH WORRY goes on.

For the data, my youngest has no words, nope, none, but he does sign and I'm not the least bit worried about him. My advice for this mom is just to relax. chill. Even if there is something wrong with this baby, there's nothing that worrying yourself sick over it will do to bring good to the situation.

[Julie]

This was Alex.....though I think he was babbling. But he had no words at 15 months. So we had him assessed. First by a private speech therapist who diagnosed him with Apraxia - which is a neurological disorder that scrambles the messages the brain is sending to the mouth (very simplistically put). They told us with intensive speech therapy (2-3x per week) for 3-4 years he would be just fine. WTF???!!!!! That's $140 a pop....times 3???? Luckily one of my best friends is a speech path in the chicago area and she said the same thing....apraxia at 15 months??? That's like diagnosing a preschooler with dyslexia. Just too young to tell for sure. So she had me send her a video of him doing all kinds of things...playing, eating, taking a bath, whatever and she called me and told me NOT apraxia, but Hypotonia - which is low muscle tone. To get him assessed through our state - in CA it's the Westside Regional Center - which is FREE. He qualified for physical therapy and speech and literally, the minute he started moving and building muscle tone in his abdomen and upper body, his diaprhagm expanded and goodness....we haven't been able to shut him up since.

My advice to you at this stage is to get him involved in some kind of physical activity - a class, a play group....something to get him moving. I wouldn't worry too much about it at this point. Really. Especially since she is engaged in the world around her.

And for the record....shame on that private speech path who told us she was certain it was apraxia and that we were in denial and that we'd be back. I'm very tempted to march him in there and give her an earful of his talking just to prove my point (and possibly get our money back!) Except really it doesn't matter because he's talking and is just fine. Sounds like your kid will be too. Hang in there.

[hedra]

Oh, and I agree that WORRY isn't necessarily required here. Even if there is a delay actually present, worry is just... well, not relevant. That part is already done - it set off the question.

I find that worrying about a possible problem is just a signpost. It says 'I feel a lack of data' - and yep, you came here and asked, so you're seeking data! So that's the first step - data gathering. But data only gets you so far - and if all you have is data, the worry may persist.

The second step is formulating a plan. In this case, the anti-worry plan may be 'I set this aside and deal with it again when she's 12 months old' or 'I continue to talk to her during the day, and introduce sign language' or 'I call the Early Intervention people to see what they recommend at this point'. Etc.

I am not sure that we worry TOO MUCH, so much as we're so overloaded with the data gathering part (the 'we know too much' end of things) that we never form a plan. Worry starts as a goad to gather data, but it really is a goad to preparation/planning, not just information.

Definitely agree that continuing to worry about it is not useful, though. Worry once, gather data, make a plan, and STOP worrying at that point. After that, it really serves no useful purpose.

[Julie]

And one other thing to add.....while I agree that new moms worry a lot needlessly over things they can't control....this is not necessarily one of the ones that you should just sit back and assume it's going to clear up. While it's unlikely that there is anything for you to be concerned about, it's good that you're paying attention and asking questions. If there IS something going on, early intervention is extremely important. Many pediatricians wait until the 24 month mark to make a referral for evaluation, and that is sometimes a bit late. We were very lucky we got one at 15 months. If your mommy spidey sense is telling you something is really wrong, push for an assessment. If you go through your state, it's free, and it's why they have services like this. Early intervention.

[Kelly]

My oldest was a preemie so we were prepared for the worst but he was doing fine so we stopped the early intervention. He didn't walk until a few weeks after his 2nd birthday (which most people would balk at but it was mostly a mental thing for him, not physical - he's got issues with risk assessment). He didn't talk much either, or babble much until he was well over a year. He's 3.5yrs now and just won't shut up and keeps surprising me with things he says (this morning's new phrase, said in context, "Where is it? Oh, there it is. It's on the book!") He's recently started being willing to jump, too, so I'd vouch for the talking/walking connection with him.

Neither my husband nor myself are big talkers at home, and my son didn't hear a lot of conversation. He understood, which was the important part. The words came, with time.

[Maura]

Anecdotal, again, but here goes.

My husband did not say a word before he was 2. NOT A SINGLE WORD. My MIL was absolutely convinced that he was horribly abnormal. Her pediatrician assured her that my husband was totally normal in all other respects, but he was just more interested in observing than weighing in on things. He also had 2 older siblings who doted on him, so he didn't really need to talk to get anything. His older sister had started "talking" at around 13 months, but was unintelligible until about 3.5 (like three of her five children).

I took my son in for his 18 month well baby visit and when the nurse said, "He's calling you Mama and Daddy? Using at least 5 words?" I said, "No. He says 'Uh-oh' and 'woof'. And that's it." I had been somewhat concerned about it, because my son never really babbled, and had been a late smiler/laugher. I have a sister with autism, so I was totally convinced that any little thing meant that my son was autistic. My pediatrician discussed it with me, said that she wasn't concerned. He was, like my husband at the same age, completely normal otherwise. When I told her about my husband she said, "That's interesting. Your husband is a computer programmer, right? There's more and more research showing that people who are engineering and mathematically inclined are likely to have isolated expressive speech delays. Does your son spend a lot of time taking things apart, stacking things, putting things into order?" My son does, and we went on to discuss the fact that neither one of us was really worried, just wanted to keep an eye on it.

As it turns out, we hit the 20 month mark, and his language shot through the roof. He's now reached the point where I really have to be careful what I say because he parrots things instantly, and remembers it for later. He's now 23 months and told the dog to "knock it off - SIT!" this morning.

[Beth]

My son is 10 months. I could have written your email Suzanne. He wasn't babbling (AT ALL - no consanant sounds whatsoever) when he was 'supposed' to, but suddenly about a month ago we were out on a walk and he suddenly said, "Ba" - and then for the rest of the walk he practiced his ba sounds: "Ba ba ba ba ba ba..." all the way home. It was like a switch was turned on. He has since added other sounds. I don't think he is babbling as much as all the milestone charts would predict, but I'm not worried.
It sounds like your daughter is perfectly normal in every way. Give it a couple months and see what happens.

He

[Sandra]

Hmm, my kiddo just turned 14 months, and I already can't remember if he was babbling at 9 months. I can remember wondering if it's normal that when he did start babbling, he only babbled the same vowel sounds (da, ma, ba, etc.), but that was only after my MIL started to "work" with him on making other vowel sounds. (The same MIL that only puts toys or utensils in his right hand because she doesn't want him to be left-handed. That should have been a clue to me to not worry about it so much, eh?)

Anyways, I don't have much to say about early vs. late talking, since it's obviously still up in the air for us. At this point, he says mama and dada, and uh-oh, so obviously he can make other vowel sounds (I'm hoping in spite of MIL's "training").

But as for the worry, oh, I know about the worry. Like I didn't know I could invent so many things to worry about before becoming a parent. I like Hedra's suggestions above about getting the facts and making a plan, because they're concrete and in the service of anti-worry. In fact, they're the latter two steps in Ed Hallowell's (child psychiatrist) three-step approach to dealing with worry: (1) NEVER WORRY ALONE! (seriously - and kudos for coming here for the community); (2) Get the facts; and (3) Make a plan.

Thanks again to Moxie for providing the community that so many of us sorely lack IRL.

[the milliner]

Maura- Thanks for the laugh (your last paragraph). Too funny.

My SO also did not say a word until he was two (or was it 3?). Anyhow, he ended up becoming a techincal writer and words and language are his thing. But not necessarily verbally. He's fairly quiet and in general won't talk your ear off. So, I think it was more just his personality that determined his speaking style.

But I'm definitely with those who say to trust your own instinct, but don't worry yourself sick.

[Amy]

Eldest was a late talker... he babbled but by 18 months had few words. Then at 3 his preschool teacher told me that he never spoke in class. As in NEVER... that when they did exercises requiring the kids to speak in class, his classmates spoke for him. He spoke at home, so I had never worried much about where he was on the speaking spectrum. About 6 months of speech therapy got him talking in class... but honestly, even at 8, he's still not great at expressing himself with speech. If you watch him tell a story, you'll notice that there's a lot of gesturing and making of sounds to describe things rather than using words. It's actually quite fascinating from a developmental standpoint. He has a lot of friends and does just fine in a rather academically challenging school, so I've given up worrying about him. He's compensated in other ways.

I will say though that I have a friend whose daughter was diagnosed as deaf at about 9 months. She seemed to be hearing... turned her head towards noise, etc. but when she didn't start babbling they had her tested. Sure enough, her hearing was the problem. Again, she had learned to compensate by being hyper-attentive to things around her that made it *seem* as though she could hear.

The human mind's ability to build other bridges when one is out is amazing.

[Sarah2]

My neighbour's baby also wasn't babbling at 9 months, but babbles non-stop now at 10.5 months.

My 13 month old babbles all day but still has no words. He understands a lot (ie where's XYZ? and he goes and gets it) but hasn't said a clear word yet, at least that I understand. I am not worried AT ALL because I am so tired of worrying about my baby! I think it's because I'm a first time mom, I worried when he cried a lot at 4 weeks, was whiny at five months, wouldn't pick up foods of a particular mushy texture and put them in his mouth at 10 months, and all of these issues resolved themselves perfectly when he was good and ready to move to the next stage. My worrying did NOTHING but ruin days and nights I should have been enjoying his babyhood. So no more, if he's not saying words, I so don't care. My mommy gut tells me he's happy, smart, social, and fabulous. Oh and wasn't Einstein 3 when he said his first word??

So please, don't worry needlessly, everything you wrote about your baby sounds like she's just perfect and exactly where she needs to be.

[Nicole J.]

My son is 18 months old and has about 2 words: mama and dada. He makes sounds for a few animals and trains and cars. He calls the cats "tsst", that's his word for cat. Our ped wasn't concerned at his last appt because he is great with following directions and signs about 20 words regularly.

My point? As others have note, every child is different. I have a feeling once my son starts talking I won't be able to shut him up.

At 9 months he was babbling a little, but he has always seemed more interested in watching and listening than talking.

[Kelly]

I have a cousin who didn't speak ONE WORD until he was 3 years old. when he did, he first "word" was "please turn off the light". Incidentally he grew up to be the most intelligent and most successful member of my family.

[hedra]

Sandra: I like the choice of words for (2) Get the Facts...

Because part of the facts may include actually doing the assessment. Facts about other kids may not be relevant.

Hey, my sister didn't talk until she was ... dang, I think 3. Her first 'word' was 'MOM come look, there's a caterpillar crawling across the steps!' So, um, no issues there (she's probably high genius level IQ). She did babble and grunt and point before that, but no words, and I have no idea when she started.

But that's data/facts about OTHER people's kids. And you may need the facts about your OWN child, not just everyone else's, or averages, etc..

I'm afraid that my own 'yikes' button goes off every time someone (including here) says 'well, my/my-neighbor's/my-nephew's kid did X or had Y and he's JUST FINE NOW'. Define fine, please? Apply one person's fine to another person?

The child who is expressive but not verbally adept and has loads of friends and is succeeding in school and is happy and cheerful is likely TOTALLY FINE, all around, complete, whole, content. But another child with the same verbal function but a different personality might not be fine at all. We're all so different.

It becomes a 'know thy child' and 'you are the best mother for your child' issue, at that point, too. What exact plan you make will be based on that understanding, and on how much you wish to intervene in order to support weak areas vs how comfortable you are waiting to see how they develop skills to compensate in others. All the moms I know start by making a plan based on probably some of their own issues and concerns from their own experience, and some from what they know of the child's personality, and some from what they hope and dream for that child regardless of what their personality is (though over time, they beat you out of doing that, whack whack whack! BTDT, ouch.).

And I'm not saying that it is best to leap in and support every blessed thing so that they're firing *perfectly* on all cylinders, either... - going back to B - he was so limited with his word use for a while, I wondered if he'd end up being notably less fluent and facile with language than his elder brother (who is as verbal as they come) -and that did make me somewhat sad (I mean, come on, y'all know how important words are to *me*! LOL!).

But... well, B has become really dexterous with words. He developed his dexterity in part (and quite noticably in the process) in response to his difficulty with pronunciation. If there was a word he struggled with (and he hated people noticing the struggle), he'd find another word instead. The SLP who tested him noticed this early - when asked (I think at 2 years old) to identify something in the picture (a boy fishing, trying to get him to make the F sound), he said 'the boy is catching things' What is he catching? (again trying to get the F sound from him) Things that swim. He is going to eat one. They're shiny. There's two of them. He has a pole and a hook to catch them with. (etc.) So he became his own thesarus, coming up with complex sentences and longer words to dodge a simple word he was struggling with. As a result, he's extremely adept with language, maybe more than he'd have been if he'd just had a straight easy path to fluency (at least, given his personality, I suspect so).

And he's outgrowing his discomfort with getting the pronunciation wrong on a sound he's not perfect at producing, beginning to care less what others think and to care more for his own successes. So, in the end, yeah, fine, and better than fine.

I'm still really glad he got some support on the way. At the same time, I'm not too distressed that we didn't spring for 2x/week private therapy, as well, once he graduated from the state-funded program.

And I could still have made the wrong choice on when, whether, and how much to support his fluency - sometimes you don't *get* to know if the choice you made, the plan you put in place, was the right one, or the best one, or even a good-enough one.

[Rachel]

Can I just pipe in that Early Intervention is FUN? Both of my babies had early intervention for torticollis (head tilt), and although calling them scared the crap out of me (because that’s for disabled kids, right?) the county-provided therapists were delightful, wise, calm, baby-adoring professionals who promoted the child’s thriving in all areas of development. And they were free. And they came to my house. Once a week we had a fun playtime in which I learned great stuff about how my baby was developing and how I could help things along. It wasn’t a race, and it wasn’t about worrying. It was about getting to know my babies better, learning what they were working on, learning how to join them in their effort. I hope everyone in the world has such great resources available. I would call Early Intervention about anything I wanted to learn more about, and I would trust their assessment. (Both kids’ conditions resolved, thankfully.)

I can’t say the same about the physical therapist my ped referred us to, who said “Baby has to WORK!” and made him cry every time. The county-provided therapists were always greeted with smiles and wiggles and squeals of delight.

My second baby was a little late with the babbling, and while he thought about it, we had fun engaging him in a lot of face time with mommy and daddy and big brother saying “Ah bah bah bah? Hubba bubba? Dada doodoo?” It was a hoot in its way (the baby thought it was hilarious) and we think it actually helped. This was a suggestion from his EI therapist.

[charissa]

My first daughter (now 4 yo) was late-ish with talking. She did fine with receptive language -- I agree with Moxie that that is probably the important part of language at this age anyway. But what I've noticed now that she's older is that she's a perfectionist of sorts, and it seems like she doesn't like to do/try something until she's fairly sure she can do it. I don't know for sure, of course, but I suspect this is what was going on with her speaking skills. She just didn't want to say those words until she was pretty sure she could do it "right". And believe me, there is now no lack of verbal expression on that front!

My second daughter (18 mo), by comparison, has babbled since I can remember, and her personality seems more get-out-there-and-try-it (I think; hard to tell, of course).

[Julie]

I have to agree with Hedra (as usual) about gathering data points....and the most important data point is your child. If you have other kids, it's easier to do because those data points *are* more likely to be relevant to whatever it is you are concerned about....even if they appear to be complete opposites in development. If you only have one, hearing from all of us that our kids did x, y, or z helps you to feel better if you suspect your spidey sense might be slightly out of whack and need some fine tuning.....but if you really think something is going on it's best to get an assessment from someone who has done some organized learning and research about the matter. If you have no other data points living in your house sharing DNA, it's difficult to know for sure whether you are wearing your hat on your head or your ass.

[GS]

I'm SO happy to see this thread! I was actually going to post a similar question myself. My son is a healthy, content, physically active, and curious/adventurous 18-month-old. He's growing, reaching milestones, and seems all around perfect. These were my thoughts until we went for his 18-month check up with a new pediatrician (we just moved), who, without ever really engaging with Aidan (and who barely acknowledged my husband's presence) suggested we opt for a "specialist" because our son doesn't yet know 15 words. He babbles incessantly and makes animals sounds (thanks to Moxie's response, I now can count these as words!). I just want to say that as one who has recently been told the same thing, I'm getting another pediatrician! I just think her response to the questionnaire (namely that I checked "No" next to the question "Does your child know more than fifteen words yet?") was far too by-the-book and not at all nuanced. By that I mean she didn't take into account that he's a unique individual with a context (and a background) all his own. If he were five years old and barely talking, maybe OK, but under two years of age (even three) I think there's just more variation and a lot of "unknown" variables at play. That is, rather than try to look for reasons to worry, I say be attentive, listen to your gut (yes, as cheesy as it sounds), and seek the help of a specialist after getting more than one opinion. In other words, I think your daughter is fine.

[GS]

PS: Just to clarify, I don't think YOU are looking for reasons to worry -- I was referring to the general sentiment of parenting discourse these days. Also, I don't mean to devalue the "experts" -- I defer to their expertise all of the time. But I also really think attentive parents know what's best some if not most of the time. At 9 months our son was barely audible -- and he can't stop babbling now, nine months later. SO much changes in the span of a few weeks.

[Christine]

Just to add to the datapoints:

My son, who has been very expressive for a long time, had nothing like 20 words at 20 months - it was more like four: Dada, Bath, De (for dog) and No. And mmm for moo.

Now he's 22 months old and in the past three weeks he's finally had that explosion of vocabulary we were waiting for - I counted more than 50 words the other day (though most of these are words only I understand, but he's getting there). And he only started saying Mummy about a week ago. Until then, we were all Daddy, all the time. (It was a bit like Life of Brian: "I'm Daddy, and so's my wife." If anyone knows what I'm talking about.)

[Sarah V.]

A longish comment here...

My son picked up his first couple of words round about the usual time (1 year), but then only picked up two more during the whole of the next year. (He did learn to say several letters during the latter part of this time, and at one stage could say several more letters than words.) I think in retrospect that he probably didn't babble much either, although I don't know that I noticed this much at the time what with being a first-time mum, so it's hard to say.

My instinct, and my husband's, was that this wasn't a problem we needed to do anything about and that he was doing things in his own good time. However, when he was two and a bit and still only had those four words (and several letters), we did eventually speak to the health visitor who put him on the waiting list for speech therapy, but also suggested that since he was still using his dummy (pacifier) quite a lot during the day, it might be worth getting rid of that. So, we cut down over the next few days to night-time and naptime only (later modified to 'dummy stays on the bed' to give him a chance to use it during the day when he really felt he needed it, without letting the usage creep up into all day again). And, oh, boy - that did the trick. Within a few days he was making more noises during the day, within a few weeks he'd started picking up more words, and within a few weeks after *that* he had a sizeable vocabulary and was speaking in short sentences. He's now three and a quarter and talks in long sentences. He still hasn't figured out the whole business about reversing 'me' and 'you' depending on who's doing the talking (he calls himself 'you' and other people 'I'), but his speech is otherwise fine.

However... There have been a large number of minor things that have added up to make me and my husband think that he may have a very mild form of autistic spectrum disorder, and I do now wonder in retrospect if the late talking fitted in there (and if the dummy was perhaps just the final straw in inhibiting a child who wasn't really wired to pick up talking easily, if you see what I mean). The health visitor and the staff at his nursery have also noticed things that fit in there. So we're seeing the paediatrician (appointment scheduled for Monday) to see whether we can get a diagnosis.

And yet... even if that does turn out to be the diagnosis, I don't think that means my spidey-sense at the time was wrong. I think that we were right at the time in thinking he didn't need intervention for the talking. I think that although he may *now* be reaching the stage where he needs some help with some things (because he is now at the age of being in group settings rather than one-on-one, and thus problems in that area are only emerging now), I don't feel that there was anything we should have been doing earlier that we weren't.

So, I don't know whether this counts as a reassuring comment or not. I do know that I'm quite happy with the way I did things. I also know - to get back to something actually relevant to your post - that I can't imagine getting too worked up about a nine-month-old not babbling. It sounds as though you're already doing all you need to do, so don't stress out about it, see how things go, and if it does turn out that there's a problem you'll pick it up in good time and deal with it then.

[goosemama]

Any credence to the gender theory among everyone here? My son, 15 months, is really mobile, but says only two recognizable words (mama and more). Lots of folks have told us, "oh, he's a boy." He is, but does research exist that shows boys are more likely to gain motor skills first?

[Sarah2]

Re Hedra's comment: "I'm afraid that my own 'yikes' button goes off every time someone (including here) says 'well, my/my-neighbor's/my-nephew's kid did X or had Y and he's JUST FINE NOW'. Define fine, please? Apply one person's fine to another person?"

This comment really bothers me. I read this blog largely for the anecdotal evidence -- most of which is along the lines of "my baby did this or that too and he's just fine!". I think this tye of anecdotal evidence has value. Twice I've been the OP and about 35 people responded with comments both times. The bulk of the comments were of the "my baby was the exact same and turned out just fine!" and guess what, I really, REALLY valued hearing that. It helped me relax and enjoy my baby instead of obsessing over milestone charts.

Hearing other mothers say their kid was the same way and tunred out fine is very reassuring. I don't think we always need to "define fine". I assume it means, in the end the issue resolved itself without intervention. I think that those reassuring comments are a huge part of the reason most people read this site. It reminds us that milestone charts are averages. In reality, babies are some doing things really early, other things really late, some on average timelines -- and the vast majority of them do not need intervention and indeed, turn out "just fine".

For others whose kids did actually need intervention, it is also very helpful to hear them explain what indicators determined that intervention was needed, and what resulted -- like Hedra so often explains based on her experiences.

My point: I really hope that readers don't stop sharing their (positive! reassuring!) anecdotal evidence because of Hedra's comment. I, for one, would deeply miss those views!!!

[B]

Goosemama -- Have you read "Your One Year Old" by Ames et al.? I highly recommend it! In any case they do say that their research shows girls develop language skills significantly earlier than boys and in the 12-24 months period girls most often have far more words than boys, spoken far earlier, and are more vocal generally.

[Sarah]

I took a quick browse at comments yesterday, read some more today, and had an AHA! moment in doing so. If nearly everyone who commented knows a child or raised a child deemed a late talker, perhaps they are the norm and anything outside of that window is early? This isn't the only place where I noticed the trend, either.

Semantics aside, I don't think it's something to worry about until you get that gut feeling that it may be a deeper problem. We participate in a program called Parents as Teachers and our consultant says that many milestones have a ten week grace period and, if they don't hit the milestone by then, it's time to look into it further.

Our daughter is just turning 9 months. She babbled continuously between 3 and 4 months, then stopped to just observe stuff until about 5 months old. She took a few weeks off to perfect raspberries and grunting and has been baa baa baaing for about 2 weeks.

At first I was really concerned that she wasn't using more consonants, not really crawling, still wouldn't roll over, etc. because of those pesky milestones, but in one saturday she perfected pulling up, putting her paci in her own mouth and a few other things we'd been wondering when she'd attempt. So she's fine and I'm now relaxed about her taking things in her own time.

(By fine I mean that she's developing normally and I don't have a cause for concern.)

[paola]

@goosemama

My boy went against the grain as far as motor skills go. He crawled at 10 months and walked at 15 but this I think is more due to personality. He slept a lot and was and still is (at 3 )very very laid back. I think he prefers to wait until he is sure he can do things well before doing them as once he started walking that was it, he walked and the very next day started running. He still doesn't throw himself into a lot of active motor play. He always says 'mummy, wow' when he gets to the top of the slide and is blown away when he actually slides down, but he is super good at jigsaw puzzles, constructing with blocks. I do think that is more where his interest lie.

As far as language goes, he was way behind my daughter for speaking, but then again never went to child care and didn't have any
contact with other kids. He said 'mama' far about a week at 10 months and then just called me 'paola' until around 18 months when there was that 'language explosion' that I have seen with other kids I know, and started to use a lot of differnet words. My daughter, on the otehr hand, started to say 'what's that?' and the Italian equivalent, amazingly, at 11 months, but then she has a role model and has a completely different personality.

[melissa]

first and foremost, trust your instincts. while the anecdotes and advice of other parents is absolutely useful, you know your child.

my son was deemed "speech delayed" by a family member when at 2ish he wasn't verbalizing as much as she thought he should be. we started signing with him at about nine months and continued to do so. she perceived this as our effort to "make up" for the fact that "he wasn't reaching the milestones he should be." Grrrrr. although my ped wasn't concerned all of sudden i was questioning my son's development based on her comments.

however, my instincts told me he was perfectly fine. he clearly understood what we said. he could follow directions. he knew what he wanted (and didn't want.) he used a combination of signing, verbalizations, words and pointing to communicate. now at nearly three he.will.not.shut.up. like ever.

all children develop at a different pace which is why i hate the whole milestones thing. i understand the usefulness of them but sometimes - IMHO- it just puts more pressure on you as a parent to force your child towards something that he/she may not be ready for. you don't need that and neither does she.

of course you are going to worry. it's in the job description. i would agree with kate that we have a tendency to let the worry turn to anxiety especially when someone ELSE points out something about our kids.

best of luck to you. it sounds like you're doing a terrific job with your daughter.

[Tava]

My daughter did babble but not that much, and often made odd screeching sounds instead of the "ba ba ba / ga ga ga" the baby books said she'd be making at 9 months...I asked the pediatrician about it and she said not to worry.

She had few words at 18 months but slowwwwly started to pick up vocab, and by 2 years old she did speak in 2-word phrases, but not in sentences so much. I wasn't worried anymore, as she was meeting her speech and language milestones, but she was on the slower end of things.

Well. How times do change.

She is now 2 years and 10 months and literally never shuts up, and uses very sophisticated language. In any given 5-minute period she might say something like "Well, I just can't figure out how to put it in there like that. It's supposed to go, but it won't go in! I got an idea. Let's try something else." etc. She goes on...and on...and ON.

So I agree with Moxie, if your dd is otherwise meeting milestones, she may just be either quiet by nature, or storing it up, as my dd did. She was a remarkably quiet baby and young toddler and then her language just EXPLODED sometime around 2 years 3 months. Now, if she hadn't had 10 words by 18 months (our pediatrician's guideline) I would have had an EI intervention. But she had around 20 words by then, less than many kids we knew, but enough that there wasn't cause for worry.

Keep an eye on the milestone charts, but I bet she's just fine.

[Christie]

Both my sons were slow-ish with talking. With my first son, I kept careful records, not so much to check the milestones, but just because I was so proud of him for talking and wanted to remember forever what his first words were!

The above pp mentioned a basic guideline of 20 words by 20 months -- I knew nothing about these guidelines, but DS1 was adding a couple of words each month from age 12 mos. onwards, and was clearly progressing well in every other area (sociability, playing, comprehension, etc.). Anyway, I just went back and checked my careful records of his words, and he had just about 20 words at 20 months.

In order from 12 months to 20 months:

Dada
Du (=dudu=milk)
Dus (=juice)
Dis (=this)
Hi
Hai (=yes)
Uh-oh
Eye
Doo-doo (=choo-choo= train)
Bo (=ball)
Ji (=cheese)
Mama
Eye-bo (=eyeball...I taught him that one...)
Do (=no)
Di (=bee)
Didi (=Lili, a favorite toy)
Di-di-oh! (a fun expression)
Aa-sh (=oishii=yummy)
Dodi (=hikouki=airplane)
Taa (=star)
Hello

That is what he could say at 20 mos. Can you tell I was a SAHM and had plenty of time to decipher all his similar-sounding words, most of which seemed to start with D or B? But I was so proud of him and my "spidey-sense" told me everything was fine so I never worried. I would have proudly told any pediatrician, "Yes, he speaks 20 words!"

Well, you can guess the rest of the story. By age 4 he was talking just like all the others, and now he is 13 and (all together now)... will.not.shut.up.

I think my second son was slower at talking, but I didn't make much effort to teach him, and didn't bother to keep track of his words (it's funny how second or later children still turn out fine, even without the extra-special care and attention that the first child gets!!). He was also clearly developing well in every other area, and had great non-verbal communication skills. He could make his meaning known in a friendly way, without using so many different words. He is 8 now, and also talks very well, but is not such a motormouth as his big brother, and still has better non-verbal communication skills! He is also more independent, more confident with people, etc...

I think the guidelines are okay, and they tell us in which respects our individual child is slower or faster than average. But even if your child is slower in one area or another, as long as they are happy, sociable, and progressing normally in most areas, we can afford to give them some time to catch up in their slower area.

[stacy]

Suzanne, you're definitely not alone. We have the most wonderfully laid-back pediatrician in the world - you essentially have to bring your kid in the office with a limb actively falling off to alarm the guy. But, at my son's 12 month appointment, Dr. Laid-Back asked if the child was talking yet. When I said no, Dr. Laid-Back raised his eyebrows, frowned, and said, "that surprises me." It might not sound like much, but that's about as worried I've ever seen this doctor behave. So I've been feeling bad about my son's lack of verbal skills since then. We're at 14.5 months now, and the child has only one word - "daddy" - which he uses indiscriminately.

In addition, one of my best mom friends has a son just two days older than mine. Her son is talking up a STORM. He has at least a dozen words, most of them clear enough for a non-family-member like me to understand. The boys have developed at exactly the same rate with regard to crawling, walking, etc. But the other boy has just leaped so far ahead of my son with talking, and again, I worry.

But when I bring this to my more experienced mommy friends, they reiterate Moxie's point - it's about how receptive they are. And that makes me feel better. If I ask my son if he wants a banana, he says, "mmmmmm!" If I say his name, he turns around. If I tell him "no," he gets frustrated. When we read him the usual bedtime story, he cries at the second to last page, because he knows the story is about to end and he will have to go to bed. He can't say a word of the story, but he's obviously retaining the words somehow.

In general, I think there is a trend to harp on parents for language development lately. Some of my mommy friends have dealt with overbearing, "really concerned" pediatricians who are calling for early intervention on their not-incredibly-verbal kids at 18 months! But it's probably a whole lot of nonsense. My friend with the baby who talks so much - well, SHE talks a lot (a lot!!) and her husband talks a lot. I mean, between genetics and environment, no wonder the kid is already verbal. But I am on the quiet side, and my husband is an extreme introvert and a computer scientist. No wonder we have a kid who doesn't talk a lot. It just makes sense.

Helps me to think of it that way...