Potty training when you can't control all the variables

It seems like the parenting zeitgeist is all about potty training lately. I got three questions on the same day about potty training last week, and have been thinking about it a lot myself lately because my son will be three in May and isn't out of diapers. Then yesterday I spent the afternoon with my BFF and her husband and son, who is almost three and still not completely potty-trained.

As long-time readers know, my older son pretty much potty-trained himself. He started wanting to try it at 16 months and was just really into all things potty. He'd be our bathroom attendant and hand us the toilet paper, stop to observe dogs pooping and peeing on the street, and watch the Bear in the Big Blue House "Potty Time" DVD on a continuous loop. He was in underpants by 27 months during the day, and by 32 months at night.

So I've got nothing, because I didn't really do much of anything other than go with his interests.

The younger one is more of a challenge, though. His personality is completely different, and he really isn't convinced there are any benefits to being in underpants. Plus I'm at work all day now, so I don't have the same ability to control the situation on a micro level. And it's harder to just leave him in underpants all day and not worry about accidents, since we have to leave the house more to work around his older brother's school schedule.

We've talked here about potty training several times in the past few years, and as usual you guys have been a font of information and experience. I'd like to open up another discussion about it, but pick your brains for ideas about training a non-only child who is at the whim of an older child's schedule, and also for training a child (who isn't so sure about it) when there's a childcare issue involved.

Help?

Comments

[Michele]

My son is only 6 months old, so we are far off from even thinking about it! I just had to chime in because my mom insists there is "no such thing as potty training, and don't let anyone tell you different." Then again, she thinks there is no such thing as sleep training either, but that is a whole 'nother story.

According to her, your kid will let you know when s(he) is ready and it will only traumatize her or him to force it. Since this is such an abstract concept to me at this point, it will be interesting to see how we handle this when the time comes. If anyone has thoughts on this I would be very curious to hear them!

[Diana]

I am so glad you posted this. I took the day off work due to a cold and spent the day potty training my son. He's 2 and 3 months right now, and he had gone on the potty a few times in the past. Today we made some major progress.

My mom claims to have trained me in 1 day. I don't think she had read any studies, but based on motherly instinct just gave me saltines to eat all day and lots of drinks. I see now people blogging about that and books recommending it. I honestly can't remember it because I was 2. Lol. But apparently it worked and I have no lasting scars.

[allison]

Can I ask for some logistics from those whose kids are diaper-free? How often should we offer/suggest the potty - I've seen suggestions raning from every 15 minutes to only at morning/noon/night. And how do you deal with wiping? Is that strictly an adult's job, or is it best to have them take that on asap?

[hedra]

B wasn't into the potty thing, either. But he just eased into it himself, and I have absolutely zero recall of how or why, though I remember 'realizing' one day that he was fully transitioned, and he was 3 1/4 years old. No idea what his internal motivation was. It just eventually happened.

M and R are in-process. M is interested in the panties/big girl pants thing, R is just watching from the sidelines. I think M may also not be sure she CAN, which is a great insight... we'll be working on that angle.

My kids always trained without me there 100% (always in preschool at that time), and with other schedules, etc. We just used pullups when it wasn't sane to not use them, and put a potty in the car when they were freaking out about needing to be out of them. Still have the travel potty. Not so handy if you're urban/public transit, though.

[hedra]

Allison, for the 'how often' thing - it is by child. Is your child more clockwork-oriented? If so, then figure out when they usually pee, and offer about 15 minutes before then. If they're random, a more repetitive and frequent approach seems to work. Unless they're annoyed by that.

There's always my mom's method, which was moving the potty around after the child, casually placing it wherever we were playing, and mainly keeping us naked. But we were in So. California, which made that sane. Not so easy when it's a bit on the chilly side...

[becky]

I did the diaper free thing with my son, which worked great for about the first year. He is now 21 months, very aware of when he needs to pee and poop and heartily prefers doing it in his diaper. He loves his potty; we sit for hours there reading books, and then he holds it until the diaper go back on. So, I guess we just need to wait until I find out what will motivate him to WANT to use the potty for more than just a nice place to sit without his pants on! So no advice from me, just a testimonial that even when you think you've done the "right thing" the little monsters have their own ideas about how it is going to work. The easiest thing IMHO, is just to try and stay mellow about it all... not always easy.

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