Q&A: Do I have to go outside?

If you watched "Persuasion" last night on PBS, check out the piece I wrote for the PBS.org blog.

Christiana writes:

"I am 33 weeks pregnant with my first child and have been reading books/websites on pregnancy, breastfeeding, and child-rearing for awhile. I love Ask Moxie and am hoping you can help with my current question that I haven't yet seen in any of my books.

I'm not an outdoorsy person. At all. Never really have been, though I remember spending the normal school-time amounts of time outside, going to parks, etc. as a child. But I was always of the opinion that if I could have the choice of indoor or outdoor activities, I would always choose indoor. (Part of this may be attributed to my extremely fair skin that would burn easily and I have always lived in FL so sun and heat have always been a big part of the weather here, but part of it was just my personality. I don't like heat, to sweat, to get dirty, etc.)

But I know it's healthy for kids to spend time outside and not cooped up indoors 24/7. So what do I do about exposing my child to the great outdoors while not driving myself insane? I'm obviously capable of slathering on my own sunscreen at this point in my life, so I'm not quite as worried about getting my own self sunburned (and I know there are plenty of parks and the like that have a ton of shade to keep the sun away from the children). Am I one of the few mothers that deal with this issue, or are there plenty of others who can't really bear the thought of spending tons of time outside with the bugs, the dirt, the heat and the like?"

I am fair-skinned and light-eyed and burn easily, so I hear you on the sun aversion thing. And I'm not crazy about bugs and sweat, either.

The good news about little kids, though, is that for a long time they don't really care where they are, as long as they're with you. And then by the time they're old enough to care, they're taking naps during the hottest time of the day. So you can be outside playing in the morning, but then by 10 or 11 you have to go inside so you can have lunch and then have naptime. And by the time naptime is over the worst sun of the day is over.

If you do have to spend time outside in the sun and heat, your own problems with it will probably help you know how to pace your child. Both of my own kids would just play and play outside until they keeled over from heatstroke, so I think my built-in annoyance with too much sun was good for them. They learned pretty quickly that after awhile out in the sun at the playground we'd go inside to have an ice cream, and I've never had more than a slight pinkness on either one of them. You'll be happy to be so aware because it'll help you avoid problems.

Every locale has areas that parents and kids congregate in to beat the heat, whether it's the public library, a chain bookstore, an indoor farmer's market, big box retailers, museums, the mall, or any other big building. If you can learn to balance time in these big spaces with outdoor time at non-peak hours, your kids will be happy as clams and never notice that they're not spending eight hours at the playground.

People in hot climates: What do you do to beat the heat, since you can't stay in your houses 24/7?

People in cold climates: What do you do when it's cold, so you don't end up with cabin fever?

(One of my favorite indoor places in NYC is Chelsea Market, between 15th and 16th Streets and 9th and 10th Aves. It's just a big long food court, but there are plenty of nooks and crannies for kids to play in, an amazing ice cream place, and enough other food that you could spend the entire day there eating.

Another one of my favorites is the Natural History Museum, because it's just so cavernous, and kids love all the dioramas and the dinosaur bones.)

Comments

[paola]

Despite what people think, living in Italy can be sheer hell sometimes, especially in Summer, when temperatures can be in the high 30's (around 100 f). I live just outside Milan about 2 hours from the sea and 1 from the closest lake , at least as the crow flies. In Summer it takes a good 3 hours to get to the sea due to traffic, and at least 2 to the lake. Both of which aare chock a block full of people, so not at all an option with children. Pools ditto. This year, despite water rationing, we set up a kids' pool in the yard, the only reprieve from the heat. My husband was dead against it as he is somewhat of a greenie, but he goes to work in an air-conditioned environment and I was at home with a 5 month old and 2.5 year old who where suffering in not so much silence. Of course the pool is only an option if you have a yard. I much prefer the winter here as it is relatively mild, and unless it is raining, I am out with the kids in the pusher or at the animal park we have nearby or at very worst in a shopping centre.

[enu]

I am a heat seeking missile and when I lived in Miami I was outdoors all the time, dragging everyone to beaches, everglades, anywhere. But unfortunatley I moved back north to raise a family and I hate the cold so much.

One thing that helped me is that spouse has the opposite tendancies (why were here at all.) So maybe Daddy wants to make sure the kids get a proper airing whenever possible?

My husband used to be the one to do sledding, snow forts, all that ghastly stuff with them. I would bundle them up in their little snowies (and then smell something, unbundle both of them, change their diapers, rebundle.... repeat as necessary - I swore I was going to invent a spray-on snowsuit) and watch from the window and prepare hot drinks/snacks when they would burst back in, all cold and wet and happy.

But if he's not available, it does still really help, IME, to get at least one outing a day, even if you hate it. Cooped up kids are generally grouchy kids. Treat yourself kindly and get whatever clothes/shoes will help your situation - a nice, cool, wide brimmed hat, loose, very light clothes amd perhaps even grab a two minute shower before AND after the outing? Just a quick rinse makes you feel so much fresher in Florida, I always found. And drink, drink, drink, and make sure little one nurses frequently, too!

In just a few years, perhaps you will be able to set with a cool glass of tea in your a/c'd florida room (? we had one but just with a ceiling fan - but I love heat..) while you keep a watchful eye on Little One and Friends (or Little Bro/Sis?) cavorting outside.

We are expecting a foot of snow and I have to get to work soon, I have to say, outside in Florida sounds sweet! And I miss ibises, egrets, herons, and roseate spoonbills - I would have loved to have seen the delight and wonder on a toddler's face when she saw a 4 foot tall bird suddenly amble by the house!

[Chaya]

Eh, I don't know that this is something to worry about too much. I (and my husband even more) hate the heat, and my kids are very sensitive to heat, become red, flushed, sweaty crankypants the second we are out in the heat. Don't do what you don't want to. When it's a gorgeous day, you will WANT to walk around the block, or go to a playground for the kid to run around when they get a little bigger. When it's too hot or cold for you to want to, don't, find other stuff to do. Kids usually go crazy stuck in the house, but we go to the children's museum, the mall play areas, the library, the places with jumpy things, etc. to get them out when they are stir crazy and the weather is not appealing. Also, I have a swing set, so that we can do small doses of outside. And the older one can play outside by herself (while I watch through the window) when she wants to. And I have a friend who is just a homebody, and her kids are too, they are perfectly happy to stay in pajamas and play in their apartment all day. You are the parent to your kid, do it your way and you and they will be happier.

[Joanna]

I'm pretty much convinced that if you spend enough time inside your house with a toddler you will overcome your dislike of the outdoors just for a change of scenery. A little heat and humidity sure beats chasing your toddler out of the bathroom where he's been flushing your toilet for the past hour. Also, once you see the calming effect a nice morning walk in a stroller has on a fussy baby, you may also decide that outside is the lesser of two evils.
I've also discovered that Ikea during off hours is a great place to let a toddler burn off some steam while remaining in a nice comfortable, climate controled building.

[Cheryl]

Here's a cold climate person piping in. While we have been known to visit the frigid, snow-covered playgrounds in the winter, it's not common. I have a 2-year-old (and an infant), but we live on a busy street, so we don't play outside often unless we travel somewhere to do it (or the driveway isn't shoveled yet and he can't make it to the street quickly). What do we do for activity? McDonald's playland, the play area in the center of the mall, the library, and we have a membership at the local Y, and they have a family play area with lots of equipment.

Outside is overrated in the winter if you aren't into winter sports. It takes a lot of bundling up to stay warm, and your nose still freezes. Even stroller walking is tough when there's snow because you never know if the neighbors in the next block have cleared their sidewalks yet.

During the summer, we have a mandated two-hours a week outside rule for our family that we imposed. We usually get in more than that, but we make sure to do at least two hours. We go to the pool, to the park, to the lake, etc. But winter? All we have for the little kids is sledding, and that's still rather dangerous.

That all being said, my toddler is a natural-born snowball maker.

[Another Erin]

I hate heat and sun too, and spent most of last summer at the public library with my baby - not the little one near my house, but the big regional one that had lots of room for the monkey to crawl around. I also reasoned that "out of our apartment" equals "outside" and was not above taking the baby to a nearby drug store just to wander the glorious air-conditioned aisles. Using the same logic, we would also go for recreational bus rides.

On the other hand, I LOVE being outdoors on cold, gray, rainy, and snowy days. I got a little tired of being the only person at the playground on those days and babyproofed our front porch. I can take a few toys, a cup of hot chocolate, a book, and my 14 month old out there and we're all happy. Can you do something similar with a screened-in or shaded porch? The beauty of the porch set-up is that my busy busy busy toddler is always within sight, even if I'm just sitting there reading my book. And she still gets to say hello to all the dogs walking by!

[Treena]

I have a family member who is not an outdoors person. Realizing that it's good for kids to get outside, she's always enrolled her kids in preschools and camps from a pretty young age (starting at 1.5 or 2). This way they get the outside time without her needing to go with them.

[wookie]

Ah Canada... -20 and windy in the winter, 30+ in the summer and stupid humid. Centigrade.

Our two favourite places (as we don't live in a city where there is any kind of culture, not even a daily market) is the local library and the mall in the morning. The mall allows the kids a chance to run and stretch their legs, the library is about 3 blocks from our house so it is usually a manageable walk. In Ontario, there's often a provincially sponsored playgroup at the local schools kindergarten room (on the alternating days where class is not in session).

[Nutmeg]

I agree with Joanna on the "Enough time inside with a toddler will turn you into a lover of the great outdoors."

I think cold isn't a problem if there isn't a lot of snow going on (and cold is becoming less of a problem in general (65 and thunderstorms in the northeast in the middle of january)).

But, all the great suggestions aside (and I like the outdoors, though am incredibly heat sensitive and one of the fairer people on the planet) I think you shouldn't worry so far into the future! A new baby only cares that you are there and by the time you've got a toddler on your hands, you'll have a whole new set of problems to deal with!

Seriously though. Cut yourself a break mom! You're going to be great and your kids won't suffer from not going outside enough and as others have shown, there are lots of non-outside activities to be had!

[Trope]

Hi Christiana! I feel similarly about the whole "don't coop the kids up" thing, but for me it's because I'm such a homebody that I really would rather not go out of the house all day. When I had my little boy, seven months ago, I found that SOME kind of change of scenery did him good from a very early age. Even at six or eight weeks, he slept better and focused better if I gave him something exciting to do every day. Now, that doesn't have to be outside--I love the idea of taking the kids to a museum or Ikea or someplace big and climate controlled. The point is not to get them to love the great outdoors, or expose them to culture or whatever, but just to give them new things to look at. One day when I was feeling particularly low and the weather was terribly hot, we walked up and down the stairwells in my condo building. It was shady and there was a different view from each window, and I didn't have to deal with the sun gear and outside. It worked just as well as any of our other trips did. The trudging around, as much as I hate to admit it, did me good too.

[Shannon]

Well, when I was pregnant, I used to hate it when people made the "Once the baby is born, you'll see" types of comments, but I'm about to make one anyway.

You will want to get out of your house. I am not an outdoorsy person at all. I've never understood the appeal of hiking or camping or any number of other outdoor activities. BUT, with a newborn I found myself wanting to get out to clear my head. Walks also calm the baby down and tire him/her out from all the stimulation.

We went to the park next door every single day in the warmer months. Now that it's winter (Chicago area) and we can't go, I am really feeling the strain and tedium of being cooped up.

[rudyinparis]

Joanna does nail that one--you will find yourself less averse to the outdoors after being inside for too long with a little one!

I LOVE the comments here, as I am a homebody, too, and tend to feel guilty about it. But having kids does change some of that perspective. For example--I love in a cold climate (ha! "cold climate"--more like the 8th circle of a frozen tundra hell) and used to just looooove winter, oh, how nice to be all cozy and fritter away the afternoon, reading on the sofa... Now, with 2 kids, I shudder as the cold season approaches, because it really is horrible for them and by extension me, to be cooped up. This past weekend Eldest had a buddy over and DH was out of town and the sun broke through the clouds on Saturday and I moved into sargeant mode: Everyone into snowsuits! Now! Move it, move it, move it! And we ran outside and I frantically had them running around in circles for the 20 minutes the sun was out. Made a huge difference in everyone's sanity.

Anyway. Christiana, I think you have loads of time to wait and see on this one. You may need to get creative in regards to hot weather activities, but by the time you get there, you'll have clicked into mommy mode so you'll have a better idea of where to find those things. Enjoy your couch now, while you can!

[Shelley]

At this stage of toddlerhood (3-4), we have season tickets to an area amusement and water park for the summer, which was a great investment. During the very snowy winters (and sometimes hot summers) we spend rather a lot of time at the mall, where there's a small indoor playground. (I wish there were more options for indoor physical activities, but there aren't in this small city.)

I agree that you'll find yourself wanting to get out with a baby. Also, when your kid is big enough to *ask* to go out, it'll probably be easier to say yes, if that makes sense. And your partner can also help make sure the kid gets outside some.

[Claudia]

I'm in a cold climate, and going outdoors is still a necessity most days.
We bundle up, plus rain coats on top sometimes, and go out to play in sand, mud puddles, etc.
My 21-month-old daughter usually refuses to wear gloves for very long, so I have been known to cut outdoor time short because her hands are so cold from sticking them in cold muddy water.

On days we can't go out (torrential downpour, for instance), I will place two chairs with their backs to each other, about a foot and a half apart, and drape a blanket over it. I then proceed to chase her around and between the chairs, with the BOO! element if I come out from under the blanket. Good for some screaming laughter and running around for her, though hard on my knees from all that crawling.
We also do other running around the house games, and climbing on cushions, etc.

But really, as with most things with parenting, you'll just have to see what kind of kid you get, and go from there.

[Mom In France]

Boo was in his early months last summer when we had the sun-in-your-eye hot and 17 hours of sunlight per day (5am-9pm) here in the south of France. Did I mention no air-conditioning?

We kept a low profile during the hot afternoons in the shaded coolest part of the house. Since he was an infant, Boo didn't care at all, but I just about went crazy. I did morning walks, and the best part of the day was around 5:30 or 6pm when I could manage a shaded walk in our neighborhood. I also went to one of the local parks which has some wooded trails just to escape the heat (though I did discover mosquitos).

My advice is that until your baby is old enough to want to explore then you won't need to be outside any more than you want to. After that, you can set the pace based on his/her personality & your tolerance.

[Meegan]

I live in Chicago with my 16 month old daughter. I'm a stay-at-home mama and we have LONG winters, made LONGER by a toddler who stands at the front door and says, "Go! Go! Go!". To pass the time, I've found just about every story time at every local library and book store. We go to music classes that are fantastic to get the little ones moving. Some of the places that offer classes also offer "open play". For a small fee, the kids can run wild in a huge baby-proof room full of big toys and climbing opportunities.

As for the summer, well, I DO become an outdoor person in the summer. So we hit the park every day, sometimes twice. We swim, we go to parks with water features, we take marathon walks while I sip my Starbucks iced tea...it's just so much more fun to be OUT after spending so much time IN. As Joanna said, you might find your tolerance for a bit of perspiration grows as your tolerance for a cooped-up child shrinks. Take it slow. Find shaded parks. Bring cold beverages. One big benefit of letting the little people run themselves ragged outdoors is that they seem to sleep better. That is one HUGE benefit IMO.

Good luck! I'm sure you'll find your groove and figure out how to balance the needs of your child with your own. It might take a while, but you'll get there.

[BrooklynGirl]

I'm not particularly an outdoor person (and I grew up in Florida so I can relate to worries about the heat and humidity), but I have to say that since I became a parent, I go absolutely INSANE if I don't get outside for a little bit every day--I need the fresh air and the relative quiet. In the heat of summer, that means we go out early or late in the day. In the winter, it means we bundle up.

My son is the sort of kid who has to go out and run around. He's cranky and moody and doesn't sleep well if he doesn't get a chance to burn off some energy. Our apartment is too small for him to really run inside, and we don't have a large indoor playspace closeby.

[Liza]

Here in Atlanta where it's 90% humidity and 90F for 5 or 6 months of the year, we do a lot of "what can we do out of the house and out of the heat?" strategizing.

* Many B&N Bookstores have large children's areas with train tables and stage areas, both of which are generally available, although you have to share.
* Smaller independent children's bookstores & boutiques also often have cool play areas, storytimes, etc.
* The library. Even the smallest libraries I've ever visited had at least a shelf of books and puzzles for toddlers, plus a restroom and a/c. Some have great programming, toys, and wonderful children's spaces.
* "Bouncy Castle" indoor playgrounds have become very popular around here. For somewhere between $2-$10/hr, you can play on anywhere from 3-12 inflatable "castles" -- but if your toddler is on the young side, you may have to hoist him or her everywhere, which is a great and exhausting workout.
* The Mall. When my son was an infant, I can't tell you the number of times I walked in circles around the local mall.
* Go to the playground first thing in the morning, ie from 7:30-10 am. Even on weekends, it's seldom crowded (or occupied at all) that early. Your kid gets to burn off some energy, and you get to head back indoors before the worst heat.

[AmyinMotown]

I HATE the heat, hate it hate it HATE IT. This past summer, it was 90+ degrees every freakin' day, humid as hell, and I was newly pregnant with all the attendant fatigue and nausea turned up to 11 due to the heat. I seriously could not physically stand to be outside in the sun and heat for long, so my poor little 2.5 (at the time) year old got very little running-around time. My husband, who isn't as bothered and also was not pregnant, took over, bringing her outside with him while he walked the dog and grilled dinner and so on. In the winter, unfortunately, I don't mind being outside but many of my neighbors don't clear their sidewalks, so after two painful slips and falls last winter (one where I hit my head HARD) I tend not to go out for walks etc. as much. We also don't live near any good parks for walking, although I would take her in the stroller to a couple cute little towns with nice pedestrian-friendly downtown strips and we'd get our errands done or just window shop, and it was lots less boring than just trudging around our neighborhood. The mall play area has been helpful in both the heat and cold as well, especially now that she's old enough I can bring a book and just let her go to town.

[jessica]

I LOVE Chelsea Market! Fat Witch Bakery!!
YUM!!!!!!

[D]

I am in Georgia too and wanted to ditto Liza's sugegstions. In the heat of the summer, we usually did early morning walks. There is also a playground near the house that was mostly shaded by 4 p.m. and we would hit that. So, keep your eyes out for places where you can get out but not be in the direct sun. We also took lots and lots of cold water with us as it can be hard to tell when babies are getting too hot until they are obviously too hot. On super hot days, we would just do 10 or 15 minutes of outside time and hit the B&N kid's section, the library or a friend's house. Playdates were a great way for the kid to get "out" in the heat of summer.

[PrehistoricMama]

I can sympathize, although I am a total outdoors person and get cabin fever long before my toddler does. I wish I could wrap up and transport our lovely indoor pool with slides, etc., to everyone for the winter and our splash park for the hot summer days.

I really feel that children need to be out in nature (not just playgrounds and organized spaces) as much as possible, but I know not everyone has access to that. We spent an hour at our mall yesterday and my 2-year-old liked the people watching as much as anything else (and the smoothie we always get there, natch).

We get out for a little each day, unless it's truly too nasty to do so. On the really awful days, I try to change the interior of our tiny house with a fort, moving the furniture around, something. Just to mix things up.

God bless the bookstores, libraries and any other stores that have a little children's play area!

[Lee]

I just read your bio at PBS and must echo your love of WordGirl. I love her and Huggy!

[sweetisu]

Being indoors alone is nice, serene, and relaxing to me. I can be in my jammies all day if I wanted to, I can read a book or cook or sit down and watch some movies. Everything is whenever I please.

Being indoors with a baby/toddler/kid for prolonged periods of time drives me bonkers.

We're in Iowa. It's hot and muggy in the summer and cold in the winter. In the summer we're outside daily, several times a day. Whether it be the zoo, the park or just in the backyard. In the winter we go to the indoor play areas at the mall, the science center and other museums, the indoor zoos, etc.

You will find your balance once you learn the baby's personality and preferences. :-) Good luck!

[Joceline]

I live in Phoenix, so we have lots of places to huddle indoors basically from April-November when it is just too bloody hot to do anything. Last summer, I was pregnant and miserable and lay on the couch all day when I wasn't at work. It sucked. This summer, I'll have a six-month-old (in April), and I'm dreading it. Bookstores, the library, indoor playgrounds (at the mall, they're free), the indoor bouncy places that someone else has mentioned, and coffee shops seem to be where the parents hang out with the little ones. I think this summer will be hard as far as getting out of the house goes, but once the little one can walk and climb and enjoy all of those fun places for kids, it will be better. But it will still make me want to move as soon as it hits 100 degrees. It happens every year.

[Amy]

I live in Houston, so I can totally empathize with the heat and humidity thing. And, I hate going to the park. Actually, I only hated going to the park with little kids that needed to be followed around. Once #1 and #2 got big enough to play without my standing guard over ever potential neck-breaker on the play ground, going to the park wasn't so bad. Of course, I'll get to play guard again this summer as #3 will be old enough to walk right off that fireman-pole ledge on the play equipment and fall to his death.

We beat the summer heat by playing in the morning or evening and staying inside during the hottest part of the day. Or, we go to indoor play areas (museums, malls, etc.). But our favorite summer activity is the pool. You won't be able to do it this summer b/c your baby will still be too little, but in the future the pool is a great spot to go if you live in a warm climate. Wait until early evening if you want to avoid the sun. Take a picnic and let the little one have dinner at the pool. Then you can dress in jammies and have him/her fall asleep in the car on the way home.

I've also found that going outdoors with friends makes a big difference in my tolerance for the activity. The park is much more bearable if another mommy has come along. I find myself watching the clock less and less.

Oh, and a little really can go a long way. A friend and I used to take a picnic to the park to let the kids eat lunch outside... even just a 30-minute jaunt made us feel better about having gotten them out of the house.

[Michelle]

"Enough time inside with a toddler will turn you into a lover of the great outdoors."

Amen to Joanna.

I live in Arizona - where it was over 100 degrees Fahrenheit for over 100 days last summer. So we have to be creative when it comes to cabin fever in the summer.

This past summer (my son was about 15 months and I was 8-9 months pregnant with my daughter) we spent a LOT of time at the local mall - they have one of those kids play areas. The zoo here also has a "splash zone" - a rubbery mat that water shoots up out of - toddlers love it and it removes the drowning danger. But of course, my son still wanted outside whenever we were home. I always tried to make sure he got out once early in the morning (hat and sunscreen are just part of the dressing routine) and at least once in the late afternoon/evening. We still struggled with the cabin fever, but we managed.

And I wouldn't worry about not being an "outdoorsy person". I have never been a real nature girl...I think people who go camping are a bit weird (why leave your home to go out in the middle of nowhere and pretend you don't have a home?). But I find that watching my little boy play in the dirt, slide down a slide, chase ducks, etc has made me quite excited to spend time outdoors. Who knows, we may even do a family camping trip when the kids get older!

[Maureen]

I am so not an outdoorsy type. I hated any summer camps when I was little; I hate any thing crawly/moving, and I am not a big fan of dirt and the heat. (We live in Burbank where it gets to be over 100 degrees in the summer.)

Now I have twin boys (that are close to 3 years old) and wow, I have had to adapt some. I still don't like spiders/bugs but have had to try to pretend otherwise so I don't give them some type of phobia. I have grown to love the dirt - for them, just because they are playing in the dirt doesn't mean I have to be too. They are just happy to have me nearby while they play. I can just sit in my chair in the shade. I don't like the heat, but as everyone else posted, I sure don't like being cooped up inside with antsy toddler boys. Going to the park or playing outside is sooooo much easier with them.

You'll find that there are parks that have great shade and those will wind up being your favorite parks. You'll also be surprised how much you'll get done in the day before 10AM - I am not a morning person but most of our day is completed before 11AM/Noon now that my boys are close to 3. Once we have lunch and get into nap mode and then they get up it is dinner time and we pretty much stay in the house the rest of the day/evening.

That said, I've already told my husband that as the boys get older and they want to go camping, he is welcome to take them and have a boys' trip while I stay home and go to the spa :) I definitely draw the line at camping.

You'll be fine... I promise.

[emily]

My 2cents:

I found that having a sling/pouch for my newborn was not only easy physically, but easy psychologically. It FELT much easier to get out of the house when I could just put him in a pocket, as it were, and still have my hands free. He was a winter baby, so the body heat helped both of us; this will be different in the summer. At the least, don't get a fleece pouch.

I also say, reward yourself at the beginning. By the time your kid is old enough to need to play outdoors on his/her terms, you will be able to handle the swingset/pool/stickiness/mittens/whatever. For now, if you feel like going outside is an unpleasant but meritorious act, make it more fun. Walk to Starbucks and get something with whipped cream. Take a walk with a friend. Set up an umbrella in the yard with a blanket for the baby and a good magazine and a lemonade for you. And another friend.

You will be fine. You will even be doing fine long before you feel fine.And congratulations!

[Maria]

If you could find someone else who doesn't mind the heat, preferably a friend who has small children too, you could always swap a few hours of childcare: (s)he goes out with the children, and on a rainy day, you do crafts indoors with them (if that happens to be what your friend hates to do).

In general, though I agree you might end up liking going outside more once you have a little one, I think you shouldn't do something you detest only because you think you should do it 'for the child(ren)'. I think kids pick up on your being unhappy if you do that.

Now come back to talk to me in a few years to see if I end up cheering Mio on in some sport, outside in a drizzle way, too early on a Saturday morning... I bet I will ;-)

[Maria]

just wanted to add that obviously my idea is for the toddler years and beyond. I suddenly started to imagine doing crafts with a 12-week old ;-).

[stacy]

I can't say enough about the after-dinner-family walk, especially with a very young baby. We took a walk after dinner every single night, all spring and summer. Well into the fall, too. The weather is perfect at that time of day. Sometimes I wore the baby in the Ergo, sometimes I used the stroller. It was just such wonderful family time - I miss it sorely now that the winter is here. Moxie is right that Christiana's baby will be too young to care much any time soon. For a 3-month-old, a walk is no more or less exciting than a trip to the park.

I'm sensitive to the heat, too, so I'm also a *little* worried now that my son approaches toddler-age. But Moxie is totally right - between meals, naptime, errands, and so forth, there is only so much time you even can spend outside anyway. My thoughts on this are the same as my thoughts on most things - FIND A GROUP OF MOMMY FRIENDS. It's a whole lot easier to stomach sitting at the park if you make a playdate out of it.

As for us, our problem lately is the cold. In fact, we were just talking about this at my local mom group. We're all suffering from the winter blahs. The most common answer for "how do you deal?" seems to be, "get my hair highlighted." Seriously. But I think there is a gem of truth in that. Other than endeavoring to take your kid out as much as you can (but even that is depressing, because it takes 45 minutes to get them dressed...everything is just HARDER in the winter), be good to yourself. I imagine this would apply to excessive heat as much as excessive cold. Do what you can for you.

[sidney]

I can relate! I live in Miami and am fair skinned. I have two little girls, who are fair too. Kids love to be outdoors, we have compromises. We spend most of the days indoors, escpecially in the summer. When we go outside we spend the time in the shade, coloring on sidewalks, playing hide and seek, swinging or tag. We stay outside as long as I can stand it. We are battling mosquitos, noseeums as well as the heat/humidity. If we make it to a park we go early in the AM or early evening, I slather them with SPF 30 (NO-AD is a GREAT brand) and stay as long as I can stand it. We made it over an hour this weekend! If they can expend energy outside it is easier on me, when we are inside. The only exception to all this I make is swim lessons, I will sit for an hour in the heat waiting for swim lessons, I put rash guards and sun screen all over my girls, it is too important to miss because I hate the heat. When they are tiny a little sun (30 sec) can help offset jaundice. BEst of luck with your new addition!

[mollyball]

i'm having one of those days when moxie's topic feels sent directly to me! i am buried in a foot of snow here with an 18-month-old and a six-week-old, and it can be claustrophobic at times. we aren't really near any malls, but my husband is going away for a week next month and staying in a hotel that's attached to a huge mall, and i'm wondering if we should go with him even though my oldest is a bad hotel-sleeper, just for the mall benefits! but i'm scared to take my lunatic 18-month-old to a huge mall--won't she run every which way? will it be stressful to keep an eye on her? is it silly to worry about this? i have fears of her running into a crowd and me losing her, slow on my feet with my other kid strapped to me. or are these fears silly? should i embrace the mall as a winter lifesaver? please advise me, mall fans.

and thanks, chaya, for making me feel better about being a homebody. "don't do what you don't want to do." yay! my kids and i actually have fun stuck at home most days, but my non-homebody friends make me feel guilty about it.

[Nola]

I'm in the Sacramento, CA valley, and I'm a dermatologist's nightmare. I was sure my son would be super fair too, but he got some of his father's genes. Thus, he isn't as fair, and that may be the case for you. I found that spray-on sunscreen works well on young kids. My son was only 1 last summer, and we used Coppertone spray with success. But we had less success with a hat. Oddly, this winter he's been cooperative with a warm hat.

I have a Lawrence of Arabia type of hat, very cute, but he pulls it right off. Does anyone have any ideas of how to get a small boy (he'll be 2 in the summer) to wear his sun hat?

[pnuts mama]

@ nola- we found an spf sun hat for pnut at t*rget last year that had chin straps that velcroed- worked pretty well for us. also, we just made it part of her routine for the beach- so it wasn't much of an argument (ha!) since it was clearly a part of being there.

oh joanna, you are so right about needing to be out and about with a toddler sometimes! we do a gym/swim at the Y that we love- it offers a weekly free swim which she loves, too. so that's indoors but doing an outdoorsy activity. i think even errands qualify for getting out of the house without it being solely 'kid-oriented' to beat cabin fever.

i would say that my best piece of advice for a soon-to-be mama (on just about anything) is don't tie yourself down to your pre-suppositions about any part of what parenthood is. you may be surprised the things you enjoy (or, are at least ok with) when you see that it works for your kid- plus that your kid is a person with their own personality in their own right, and there will be a lot of compromise. i don't mean be a martyr and lose your identity to your child, just be flexible to new ways of thinking/doing. there may be stuff you swear you *will* do with your baby as well and it just doesn't work out that way- all i'm saying is be gentle on your self and give yourself a lot of room in the learning curve. good luck!

[sam]

Since my baby has a tendancy to scream in the pram, I tend to wear her in the Ergo. As the weather gets increasingly colder, wetter, windier, I was wondering what people dress their babies in when they take them out in slings/carriers to beat the cold weather.

Although living in England, I'll never have too many probs with the heat, I was actually thinking that it would be nicer to have the baby during the warmer months whilst she's so tough to get to sleep. Then I could walk with her in the Ergo, send her to sleep, come home and just sit down with her as she continues to snooze. In this weather, I have to wake her in order to take off all her clothes.

[CN]

In Houston, it is hot, really hot, all summer.

We tend to stay indoors in September, much of August too. Yes. It is that hot.

Shopping at indoor malls, museums, swimming, play groups, and early morning/late evening activities are possibilities for beating the heat.

As a child, I just took my licks. It was hot. I was sweaty and mosquito bitten the whole summer and I just did not care.

As you get older, the bad mosquitoes put a damper on the early morning/late evening stuff. The heat bothers you more too.

We just wait until fall and winter. Then, the weather is nice (temperature-wise) and the mosquitoes are gone. October through March are prime-time for outdoors here. April-May are ok. June can be ok. July, August, September are no fun.

[PrehistoricMama]

@Nola...we had similar problems getting our toddler to wear his sun hat. Here is my solution: I'd put it on. He'd take it off, I'd put it back on, while repeating something like, "We wear our hat when we're at the (pool, beach, etc.)." Rinse and repeat ad nauseum. This is where my naturally stubborn streak serves me well. If you can outlast your toddler, eventually they'll get bored and stop pulling it off.

I'm lucky that my son inherited my Native American skin, but I do still try to enforce the hat routine.

@sam: I think there was a useful post here awhile ago on what people dress their kids in in very cold weather, including in a carrier. You could search for it. What worked for me was wearing an extra large coat and buttoning/zipping it around both of us or on not-so-cold days, just hat/extra socks with a blanket tucked in around babe.

[emily]

Back to respond to sam: We considered the fleece of the pouch to be one extra layer, and the coat around both of us to be another. So when he was a newborn and we were nervous, we also piled on a onesie, an outfit, a fleece bunting, and a hat. When it got warmer, we dropped those layers one by one until he just had his outfit + fleece, and in the summer, switched pouch fabrics.

Now he's two, and goes to daycare in a maya wrap, wearing what he will wear to play outdoors (hat/coat/mittens, ss onesie, ls shirt, sweater, pants and long underwear or babylegs. LOVE the babylegs).

I always feel like my kid is better protected against the cold when I'm wearing him - except when he's in the jogging stroller with the rain shield.

[sam]

THANKS Emily and PrehistoricMama - the thread is 'Winterizing your Infant' - will be reading. Loving those babylegs too - will be purchasing!!

[Simone]

I totally agree with Joann...same thing happened to me. I also think there's nothing wrong with taking your baby to outings YOU like (like IKEA, as someone mentioned), as I think this acclimates them to those types of surroundings (helping to minimize the whole how-to-get-your-kids-to-behave-in-a-store issue), and gives you something fun to do. There will be plenty of time later for playplaces and the like.

Do you have an arboretum near you? A zoo that mimics any outdoor environments?

Thinking back to my first son, who was born in late September, I don't think we "hung out" outside until late that next Spring. The mosquitos here are (anyone read "Eat, Pray, Love?...you'll know how big they are!) huge, so I remember using one of those nets over the stroller, and getting one of those positionable sun umbrellas from onestepahead.com.

You'll figure it out...your baby will be fine!!

[lauralaylin]

I am the same way, hate being outside. But I've found that it isn't too bad. Honestly, you are so desperate to leave the house, you may be willing to do anything at times. DS wasn't interested in being outside until about 18 months. I just make sure to load us both up with a ton of sun block, and I always bring at least a blanket to sit on if I'm in my yard (hate bugs and dirt). Being at the park isn't nearly as bad. Really, you could easily discover like me that while the heat and bugs are awful, you don't care quick so much anymore. I am totally shocked at how I changed in this regard. I still am the same, but I can deal with it if it gives me some peace. Of course, DS is also a "high needs" child, so I am possibly more desperate than most.

[kate]

I'm not a hugely outdoorsy person either, but it does change when you have kids. Going to the zoo or for a walk round the block (in fact anything to get out of the house) is such a nice thing to do with small children that being outside becomes more appealing than it used to.
I live in Adelaide, South Australia where it regularly goes over 40 celcius. We go to the playground early or late, and in the middle of the day we stay inside in the air conditioning or go to shopping malls or play cafes. In the later afternoon I set them up in their little clamshell pool and sit in a garden chair with my feet in the water... it's actually lovely, and very hot days are the only time they play in the water without getting cold quickly...

[Julie]

Southern California here, so we have very mild weather here year round. I think today it was 76F. But that aside, I am also a homebody. LOVE LOVE LOVE being at home curled on a couch with a good book. Sadly, that is harder to do with a toddler. But he's more like me than not, and we could go into the whole nurture/nature debate. Generally, when your kids are little they enjoy doing what you like to do because really they just want to be with *you*. Just because we have great weather doesn't mean we all want to spend all day every day at the park. I find though, that he eats better and sleeps better if he gets some outside time every day. If you have a yard or patio I suggest getting some outdoor things like (just pick one or two, not all of them!) an art easel, a baby wading pool, water table, a small "picnic" table, a basketball hoop....anything you think he will enjoy doing outside. Buy yourself a comfy camping chair and park yourself out there with a book in the shade. You can do inside things outside and get credit for being outside. You only need to spend about an hour out there, then you can go back inside to do some "inside" things (they have short attention spans). And remember, your baby is coming to you *new* so really he/she isn't going to want to do much but eat and sleep and poop and then do it all over again approximately every 3-4 hours (sometimes more, sometimes less). You might be dying to get out of the house after a few weeks. You just never know. You will have plenty of time to figure out which "type" he/she is before you have to make any outdoor sacrifices. Some other suggestions are:
-Go to a mall - inside, plenty of room to run around. Often they have small kid climbing areas. You can sit on the side when kid gets older and just chill.
-Enroll child in an indoor play gym. They are pretty big business out here in CA (I'm really not sure why since we can all go outside pretty much every day of the year). They have a staff and TONS of safe and fun places to climb, slide, etc. and they teach your kid skills like rolling, standing on his/her hands. They start from infants on up, and it's a great place for you to meet some other moms, which is key to your sanity. Classes are age sorted (maybe that's why they're so popular) so your kid will be in a class with kids around his/her developmental level - no worries about those big kids plowing over your precious baby.
-Join a moms support group somewhere - I agree with the PP who said she considers going out of her house being "outside". It's more of a change of environment that is important, not so much running around on grass with sunshine. Get a network and start doing playdates at different houses a couple times a week. On those days you may not feel the need to get outside at all.
-Remember that the outdoors will help set your baby's body clock, so while you may not like it, it could help him/her settle into a reasonable sleep/wake pattern. And while you're worried about having to be outside all the time, by the time this little one arrives and has been roosting at home for a while, you'll be willing to do WHATEVER it takes to restore some sleep to your life. If that means walking to the ocean and back again, you'll probably figure out a way to do it. Get a cell phone and an earpiece. Sometimes walking is a great way to catch up with your friends.
-Compromise, and if you have a car or access to a car, hop in the car and go for a drive. You have the shade and air conditioning, but baby is getting some change of scenery. If you don't have a car, hop on the bus. They are air conditioned, and you can ride on it pretty much all day long. No need for a carseat either. Strap your little one on your body and enjoy the ride.

Most of all, don't worry. You will have plenty of time to learn about your child and his/her likes and dislikes before you have to start worrying about being outside all day long. And enjoy being pregnant. Savor the peacefulness of your home and your life. And when baby comes, embrace the change and go with the flow. Cut yourself some slack and understand that you are becoming a new person - "Mom", and it's going to take a while for you (and your hubby) to get to know her. Expect to be good at it some days, and horrible at it others. I figure I never really have two great parenting days in a row.....but I also never have two TERRIBLE parenting days in a row either. And every day you get a new chance to try again. For the first year or so, baby is along for the ride. It really doesn't shift until around 18 months or so, and then suddenly it is their world and you are just living in it.

Good luck!

[JustANanny]

I'm a nanny in Colorado, for a 6 month old and 9 month old (not at the same time!) I try to get outside almost everyday, even if it's just for a short, 15 minute walk, because both sets of parents have said that this is important. But, realistically, on days when it's not above freezing, I give up the walk unless it's super sunny. I try to step outside for a minute and judge whether or not I'd be miserable, and decide from there. I really like getting out for our walk, because it's a change of scenery for me, but I don't think that the little ones could care less :-).

We try to go to "Book Babies" at the local libraries, as well as the Children's Museum, which has an area for infants. Other than that, we change rooms a lot, trying to keep us both entertained.

Not sure what we'll do this summer, I'm sure it'll change because they'll both be walking by then!

[m]

We've moved to a cold climate and I don't do so well in the cold. And for about two weeks this winter it didn't get above -20C (often with windchills dipping down to the mid-30s) and during that cold spell, I took A outside only once. We don't have a car, so I couldn't drive anywhere and taking transit would mean walking and waiting outside in that weather. No thanks. We survived with minimal cabin fever.

I'm not one for malls and really don't think those count as outside, but I can see how the change of scenery would be important. Since it has warmed up a bit, I have been trying to get outside at least once every two days. The fresh air does make A calmer and he does love the snow.

My advice is do what makes you happy, while trying to strike a balance. If you're miserable, the kid will sense it and then it will only make you feel worse. Even if you just go outside for 15 minutes after breakfast, while it's still cool enough to tolerate, do that. You might want to do more, but don't if you're not into it. You'll find the right balance by reading your baby and yourself.

[AJs Mom]

When our babies were really young my mommy friends used to talk about where to get the biggest box of bulk diapers; I always bought the smaller packs because going out to get diapers every week was at least an outing. My little girl got used to going out at least once a day and now that she's 15 months old, when she's feeling cooped up, she gets me her coat and says "go".

[snucefcvhg]

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