Business travel suggestions for leaving kids

Overheard on the bus. One old lady to another: "You have five grandsons! How many do you really need?!"

Laugh? Cry?

Too much to do, and not enough time, so you guys are getting the short end of the stick.l Sorry about that.

Can we talk some more about business travel and leaving your kids? I haven't traveled in months, but have to go away for three nights next week. It's getting harder and harder to leave my 2 1/2-year-old. He gets more and more upset that I'm gone.

Here's what I'm doing already:

• Leaving in the morning instead of the night before, so that I can see the kids and have breakfast with them.
• Calling every morning so they hears me before they starts their day. Then calling again before they go to bed.
• Talking about where I'm going ahead of time and finding pictures on the internet so they can picture it in their minds.

What else do you have? I only have to go every few months, but it's beginning to really suck, even when the actual trip for me is fine.

Comments

[Ruth Homrighaus]

I'm not a parent, but I can remember that when my father traveled for business and I was small (I think these memories are from when I was four years old), it was really important to me that he brought something back for me. And I think this was the case not because I wanted presents, although of course I did want presents, but rather because I was comforted by evidence that he was thinking about me while he was gone. Even small mementoes, like a hotel notepad, can be important to little kids.

[Robin]

I recently took my first business trip (4 nights) away from my 8 month old son. I missed him like crazy but relished the sleep. Since I've been back, reestalishing a nursing pattern has been really hard. He just would rather have the bottle. I pumped the whole time I was away and came home with a Igloo cooler full of milk which thank Pete wasn't confiscated by ignorant TSA screeners. My job requires a decent amount of travel so this is a subject I'm very interested in, especially as my son gets older. My feelings were a little hurt when he wasn't super thrilled to see me and didn't seem to even notice I was gone.

[flea]

I don't travel for work and have never spent a night away from my kids and they STILL both (the 18 month old and the 4 year old) broke down crying when I left the house this morning, the same way I do every work day since ever. I think some days just suck, even if you do everything right.

[pnuts mama]

:( it is so hard to leave them!!

we had to go away for a few nights last year and one thing i did was get a soft photo album and fill it up with pictures of us and other family members/friends kids so she'd have something tangible to see. i know a friend made a little scrapbook with pictures of them doing things, everyday activities, even a page about "when we are apart" that her son could look at when she is gone, too.

i have also heard of parents buying one of those frames that you can record your voice on that the kid can press a button and hear your voice whenever.

i also saw something on tv last week- it was a family who had a dad in iraq, and someone had taken a picture of him, printed it onto soft cloth and made a pillow/doll that each kid could sleep/cuddle with.

***
on a different note, on yesterday's post on PPD, there were a few commenters who came in at the very end who could **definitely** use some more support from us- if you scroll towards the end it's near comment 80 or so.

[michaela]

I can't wait to read more thoughts on this. I'm going to be gone two weekends in a row in early March - Friday to Sunday both times. One is a trip for pleasure - a weekend with two old friends, something we try to do every year - and the other is a work trip. For the work trip I have the option of crashing at a colleague's house. But when I realized I was daydreaming about a ridiculously long hot shower, a bed all to myself and no one to answer to, I decided to pony up for the hotel room (won't be reimbursed for it, unfortunately, but at least I can write it off).

My daughter will be 22 months then, and my guess is that she will be ok. She tends to do really well with my husband as long as I am not around. But, bizarrely, even talking to me on the phone tends to flip her out - it's like she realizes that I'm not there and has to go through the trauma of saying goodbye all over again. (We found that happened even with a fun overnight at her grandparents' last weekend - she loved talking to Daddy on the phone, but when she heard my voice, started whining "Mommy, come!")

So as horrible as it sounds, I think it might be best if I don't talk to her much while I'm gone. She seems to maintain better equilibrium that way. Maybe we'll get some pictures of where I'll be to show her, though... I could see her really getting into that.

[rudyinparis]

Ditto the gifts--and I think a hotel notepad is a cool idea.

I've found with Eldest that one way to help her understand time/passing of days is to describe it in terms of "sleeps". I.e., "Mommy will be back after 3 sleeps." (I use this generally, too, as in: "Your playdate with X is next weekend--so 4 sleeps away.")

You could also make a calendar with the little one for the week you're away and mark the days you're away in some special manner. DH could cross off the days as they go by. I've found it helps to make the passage of time really concrete, something they can get their minds around.

I don't travel now as much as I was a few years back... It was always hard to leave, but once it had begun I always tried to relish it. It can be a great break!

[witt]

Speaking as a dad, I can only say that travel sucks, because I miss my kids incredibly. They make me laugh hysterically (how COOL that they do all these things!), and to be away really stinks. The worst case scenario is when they miss you on day 1 (phone! yay!), miss you less on day 2 (phone? oh), and ignore you after day 3 (no, Mama, I don't want to talk to Papa).

As they get older, it's gotten a mix of better and worse. As infants, what did they care? Mom cared, and that was rough. But as toddlers and older, they care. The gifts sometimes make a difference, sometimes not. And, honestly, it's mostly about me: what makes me feel good about being with them? And most of that is simply getting back home to them.

Oddly enough, with the older one, it matters that she do something for me - a gift on my return. That keeps me in her mind, and she's nicer to mom along the way. (They bicker a lot. Similar personalities...)

One really important point, I guess, is that it's really important to make sure that the at-home parent is fully supported. We do a lot of trade-off discipline, and to have only one parent around means that good-cop/bad-cop moments are impossible. But, if at-home parent is happy, then it makes the kids much happier. So, most of my efforts and interests are actually about keeping MOM happy, not keeping the kids happy.

I grew up with a dad who traveled a lot, so that affects how I think about things. We had two sets of rules, for when dad was home, and when he wasn't. My wife and I try to be more consistent than that. Something else to keep in mind, I guess.

[Shelley]

I second the "number of sleeps" thing to help kids understand when you'll be back -- for my 4-y-o, concepts like "yesterday" and "tomorrow" are really hard. "Yesterday," for instance, to her means sometime in the recent past, whereas "number of sleeps" she understands.

I think being away for a couple of days occasionally can actually be a good thing for kids. They learn to function without you, and that you always, always come back. It's a rough phase, but even if you had a choice I don't think avoiding the travel would necessarily be doing him any favors.

Is it possible your husband could do something special with him while you're gone?

[Sarah]

1) I remember that when my mother was in the hospital, having my sister, she told me she had a magic wand that could reach further than any distance. If I was a good girl for my grandmother (she was keeping me), she would wave her magic wand and say BIbbity Bobbity Boo (copyright infringement?) when she checked in on the phone, and suddenly there was a "magical" toy waiting for me in my bedroom.

2) Have you seen that AT&T commerical, where the dad takes a special toy with him on a trip and then takes pictures of the toy at different places? My dad used to do that, and that's something we continue to this day.

[tk_zk]

I'm of two minds about this. I saw my now 3-year-old nephew get so upset after talking to his mom who was away for a few days that he refused to eat his lunch. Talking to his mom was much more upsetting than just playing and doing what he did and having me and his grandma answer questions in a brush-off style, i.e. "Mommy will be back tomorrow morning. But I can play with you right now. Want to build a tower and knock it down?"

If you think he really benefits from long-distance contact with you, what about Skype? My nephew was totally cool with it at 2 and a 1/2. My sister-in-law also drew him a map with stickers when they went on a trip together--here's where we are, and here's a sticker from the plane that will take us to our destination, and here's a sticker of something from the destination (a picture of people they were visiting, or a picture of an animal that they might see in the zoo there).

[Shannon]

You can always do like they did in the commercial for whatever-cellphone company and take a familiar object (stuffed animal or such) and take pictures of said object in various places wherever you are, and send them via email or cell phone for your kids to see. My mom bought my daughter a stuffed monkey for us to do that as we travel as she grows up. I think it's a really nifty idea.

[Rose]

My husband telecommutes and he has to go back for his job a lot lately. (Change of ownership). We do a combination of the following with our 2.5 year old:

1. Take daddy to and from the airport. It's a combination of extending time together and giving her a special treat since she loves seeing the planes as we drive too and from. Now she talks about how she's going to the airport to get daddy the entire time he's away.

2. Put a big calendar at her hight. I actually need to replace it with one for the new year. It's one of those family calendars with big blocks. I draw a picture of a plane on the day daddy leaves and another on the day he comes back. Then each day I point to where we are or X off yesterday. It's "her" calendar so she's allowed to "decorate" it. It helps explain time and is teaching her about calendars.

3. Daily phone calls so she can hear daddy's voice. Some days she loves them other's she's more in a "what ever" mood. Last time she sang for him. :)

4. Respect the emotion. If she does get upset instead of saying "don't worry" or "it will go quick" we respect and reflect it with "I know. It's hard to say good bye to daddy." "You must really miss daddy." "5 days does seem like a long time", etc. I think sometimes it helps them calm down just to feel like you understand.

(HUGS) and good luck to all those who have to travel.

[Jo-Ann]

I don't travel but I work at night and get home at 3am - which is overnight to a kid. I have been doing this since my 2 1/2 year old was 6 months old. Just this month my 2 1/2 year old is having issues with me being away and is waking and looking for me in the night. My partner tries to sooth him but he gets inconsolable.

Maybe your son being upset is a stage thing?? I know it has been especially tough lately. Maybe this will pass by the time he is 3?

Jo-Ann

[abby]

I don't travel, but my husband does. Here are some things that have worked for us.

1. he always sends a postcard (usually of the local sports stadium/team) and tells us something about what he is doing.

2. we look at a map to see the distance and talk about how he got where he's going

3. when he went on a really long trip the kids made a packet of stuff for him to take and hang up in his room. It helped everyone feel a bit more connected

4. if he's gone long enough we send letters/pictures to him, nice for the kids and nice for dad

[swissmiss]

I don't work outside the home, but a friend of mine who travels gives her son a box of kisses the day she leaves. One for every day she's gone - she cut mouth shapes out of colored paper and put them in a special box and he gets a kiss every day.

When I did go away on a trip last summer, phone calls were great but the one day they called and I wasn't in the hotel to take the call my son was devastated and cried all night. So plan the phone calls well

[Julie]

We make a book with pictures of Alex doing all the fun things with grandma and papa (or in your case, your husband I'm assuming) that he'll be doing while we're gone. It doesn't take that long - the pictures can remain the same from book to book - the book can actually remain the same. Just print out or glue the pictures on the page and write the words below it. Read it every night before bed, and leave for him while you're gone. Put it away when you come home.

Also, leaving a picture with a note so he can look at it while you're gone helps too. The present is a great idea!

It sucks to travel and my heart goes out to him. It's a tough thing.

On another note, I agree with pnuts mama about some folks from yesterday needing some additional support. What did you have in mind? I wish there was more we could do IRL.

[mamamia]

My father travelled a lot, too, and he would bring home some kind of edible treat. That wasn't the fun part, though. The treat was always something he could hold in his fist and he did this playful guessing game with a little song when he gave it to me. I think it's less the object/present than the way of reconnecting that counts.

In the way of personal experience, I had my first (very long) day trip last week. Departure was verrrrry early and Dad and daughter slept soundly while I got ready to go. Then the howling began. No choice but to leave, and apparently she kept howling for about 30 min then went back to sleep. Came home that night and she was asleep. So everything worked out just fine that day. BUT... since then she's been nursing NON-STOP!! Gah.

[giddy]

My kids do better if I don't call home. So I wait until after bedtime to call my husband. They play up the special aspects of being home without mom. Dad makes a "special dinner," with secret ingredients, and then when I get home they get to share that they have a SECRET and I don't know what they put in the pancakes or whatever. Seems to make my absence into an adventure and take their minds off the negatives.

[Alecia]

I have found that if hubby engages my son in making things for me while I'm gone, it keeps him focused on the fact that I *am* coming back and how fun it will be to give *me* presents when I get home! Of course, I bring him little things, but he'd rather have me -- so I'm really his "prize." But he really enjoys making me things to give to me when I return. And, it keeps him distracted from the fact that I'm gone to the fact that I will come back. And, we like the focus on "giving" rather than "receiving." We've been doing this since he was a year old, and he's now almost 3, and it works well for us. The context of this is, though, that hubby and I have flexible work schedules and can therefore split childcare duties about 50% anyway, so DS is as used to his dad caring for him as he is me.

[Barbara]

I agree- a thoughtful little gift will let them know you were thinking of them the whole time you were gone. I actually think that talking about the trip too far ahead of time creates more anxiety. I would bring it up casually maybe two days before you leave, then a few times the day before- then you won't create more anticipation for missing mommy. I don't have children, but I often tend children for long periods of time while their parents are away. Something that helps them is knowing that their "favorite" babysitter (me a little bit, but mostly my fun husband) is coming to do "special" things with them. Having a fun activity or looking forward to spending time with Grandma or Daddy or babysitter will give them something positive to focus on!

[Alecia]

One more thing I just remembered -- I also let DS "have" something of mine while I'm gone. Sometimes it's my hairbrush, or my indoor slippers, or something like that. He keeps it in his room in a special place until I get home. He likes to have a sense that he is taking care of something for me, that it's a part of me that is with him. He gets to choose the object, and he loves to tell me about what a good caretaker he is while I'm away.

[Summer]

I have no moral problem with bribing children, so if I was in your situation, Moxie, I'd come up with some special treats the kids only get when they're having Daddy Days. I don't think it would need to be anything major, just some consistent little treat they could have every time you're away, like getting chocolate milk with breakfast instead of plain. And of course "I'll bring you a present" never loses it's appeal!

I think it also helps to have fun events planned, so you can talk to him about the week ahead of time.... "On Tuesday you're having a playdate with Miguel, then the next day Daddy is taking you out for pizza, and then the day after that Mommy will come home." That way it's not just "three days until Mommy comes home" but Playdate Day followed by Pizza Day.

[Maureen]

Hi.. I should travel for work (to an occasional seminar, conference, etc.) but I've put them off since I had my boys (they are now 2 3/4th years old) so I feel your pain Moxie. I have gone away on a girls' weekend (wound up actually being 26 hours) it was harder on me than my boys - not to see they weren't sad to say good bye and also that they weren't so excited to see me when I got home.

One thing we just started doing with my mom since my boys have really connected with her and they are so sad when she leaves (she comes once a month for a weekend). One of the activities the boys LOVE is reading books with her, so I typed in the words from one of the boys' favorite books in an email to my mom. We then called her at bedtime/storytime and let her read the book to them (we had the hard copy to look at the pictures as my mom read the book) over the phone. Something like that might be really nice to do with your child(ren), especially if that is part of your normal routine with them. You could photocopy the book at work so you have a copy on your trip or just type out the words.

Otherwise, I echo the bringing back something. Again, it isn't about the gift but about the experience. My mom used to travel and we were soooo excited when she'd bring home the travel sized shampoos and soaps from the hotels. To this day, I still love those things probably because of that. Maybe also, find something that is "special" to where you went so you can talk about the place you visited with your child (depending on how young they are this may or may not work) so they could feel more connected to where you went and what you were doing, etc.

Good luck on your travels.

[caramama]

One thing my sister has been able to do is have someone come with her daughter to where she is. For example, when her daughter was a few months old, our mom went along to her business trip and acted as nanny on the road. At about a year, our dad flew down with her to meet my sister and stay with them a few days, again acting as a nanny on the road. Now at about two, my sister's husband is bringing their daughter on the train to go up and visit her when she is away in a couple weeks. This way, while she is gone with her daughter, it is something to look forward to. And then she is there with her.

I don't know it's not possible for everyone to do this, but it's an idea.

[caramama]

That should have been "gone without her daughter". As in when she is away and her daughter is still at home, the daughter has something to look forward to (the trip).

[Cloud]

Moxie, I have nothing for you because my Pumpkin is so much younger than your kids. I did want to post a comment on my experience, though, because I suspect this post will come up in a lot of google searches for info on business trips when you have a baby at home. I did a search like that a few months ago and found very little info that helped.

I had to take a business trip when Pumpkin was 6 months old. She was (and is) still exclusively breastfed except for some solid foods. I was really nervous about the trip before hand (hence the internet searches), but it went well. I pumped like crazy for several weeks ahead of time and left Hubby with enough milk for the 2.5 days I'd be gone. They did fine without me, but I got a great greeting when I picked her up at day care the day I came back. I almost cried because she was so happy to see me. But she usually is really happy when I show up at day care.

The hardest part of the trip was pumping on the transcontinental flight. I had an ~8 hour travel day, so I definitely needed to pump at least twice. I found that the best place to do it is actually in your seat on the airplane with a shawl around you. The engines drown out the pump noise, and the shawl keeps you from flashing anyone. It helps to have a window seat. I also tried the bathroom on the plane (small, and I felt guilty about taking up the bathroom for 10 minutes) and a bathroom at O'Hare. (I'll just say that automatically flushing toilets aren't so good to pump on. Thank god it didn't spew water when it flushed!)

Rather than ramble on and on here, I think I'll take this as the kick in the butt I needed to get around to posting on this experience on my blog. But anyone who finds this post and wonders about taking a business trip cross country and leaving a nursing baby at home... it can be done and it doesn't suck as bad as you think it will!

[Aurora]

I was on the job market for 2 years in a row, and last year went on 12 long distance trips, 10 of them without my daughter who was 3 then. My husband also travels some for work, and I started writing out a little card, in an envelope addressed to her, for every day I'm gone. Then my husband helps her open them, one each day and reads them to her. If I'm really ambitious (ha) I do one for each morning and one for each evening. I sometimes sneak in a card for my husband too! He needs love too, I figure.

My husband has also gotten into the ritual, and our daughter now knows this will happen, and she will have something to look forward to each day.

It might sound like this takes a long time, or be really elaborate (and of course you could do that...), but really it just takes me about 10 minutes. Funny cards, blank cards, tiny cards, big cards, cards of something they are interested in... etc.

[cheryl]

With my toddler we have a LO who doesn't notice too much when either of us are gone. She might be a bit more clingy, but she is quite used to alone time with both mommy or daddy. Truth be told, we've found it harder on us. Hubby works our of town a lot so I got in the habit of taking a picture of her every day and emailing it to him. Now that I am travelling for work again he does the same thing for me. Oh, and I always make him tell me what PJs she is wearing and how she looks sleeping when I call before bed.
As an aside, I was having a bad week with the Monster and she was driving me crazy. Hubby said to me, "You need to go away for a week to see the look on her face when you come back. Pure love."

[Jan]

My separation-anxious kid also does better if I do NOT call her on the phone. This is apparently pretty common. But when she's missing Daddy (who just started a new job that means he's gone before the kids get up in the morning), a quick phone call perks her right up.

Sometimes she'll sleep with my pillow or a t-shirt of mine and that seems to help her going down (I'm the putting-to-bed person at our house.)

We do things for the not-home parent: draw a picture, help with chores like feeding the dog.

Sometimes it helps to focus her energy on someone else. I sometimes talk to her about how the Hubby's dog is feeling very sad that Daddy isn't home (true, actually, poor neurotic GSP) and she helps comfort him. Or we talk about how much busier Daddy is now, so we can help him out by making his bed or folding his laundry or whatever.

I think the number one thing is to be totally matter of fact about the whole thing, emotions included. "Yes, you miss Mommy when she's not here," has the same tone as "you're hungry by the time lunch rolls around." They are both facts, but nothing to come unglued over, if that makes sense. You can be sympathetic without being overly emotional yourself.

And kids WILL pick up on your emotional state. The more you're dreading it, the harder it's going to be on them, which puts you in the difficult position of having to change your mindset in spite of your kids' obvious upset.

[Jill]

The one thing that has made trips easier for my kids is taking a laptop and using Skype to do video calls. It really seems to help my kids (especially the 7 year old, but even the 2 year old) stay in their routine and have daily contact with whichever one of us is traveling. Fortunately, I don't have to travel very often any more, and my husband only rarely.

[Charisse]

Hey Moxie,

I think if someone wrote this to you, you'd be sure to point out that 2 1/2 to almost 3 is a VERY trying age for a lot of kids, and it's probably going to be a lot better the next time you travel, a few months down the road. That said, I haven't traveled away from Mouse but here are some things that help when Mr. C travels or grandparents go home, etc.:

-Rose's calendar with planes idea is awesome--we do a sticker on the calendar as part of our bedtime ritual, so we actually make a mini-calendar to take along when we travel. Flight days have airplanes, etc.

-video chat! Does your laptop have a camera? You can set it up on Skype or iChat or any number of ways, but it can help him see you every night. It really helped her to know she'd see daddy on the computer, and he's still out there.

-there's a really cute little book called "When I Miss You" that's from this series about emotions--it might help him express some of what he's feeling, which I think is really tough at 2 1/2. Mouse still has trouble with non-routine goodbyes at almost-4, and if it's a big one she'll often cry, hide her face, refuse to talk to the person leaving. We've been teaching her the simple phrase "I'm sad to see you go" for a while now, and it seems to be starting to help. She seems relieved to see that people understand what she's feeling when she says that.

Good luck, I'm sorry you guys have to deal with this!!

[cheryl]

One of the nicest things I ever heard of was a couple who had to be away from home for a week during a househunting trip for a relocation.

During that time, their 3 year old son stayed with grandma. Prior to leaving they had made up a paper bag for each day, M, T, W, Th and so on....these they put on top of the refridgerator.

Every morning he would come ripping out of the guest room and rush into the kitchen to get his "spacial" Mommy and Daddy bag.

In each bag were various treats.

Some days had little snacks, stickers, key chains, tiny toys.

Other days had photos or them and maps of were they were.

One day had a letter about what they would be doing that day.

Another a letter about his music class planned for that day which Mommy was going to miss.

What a lovely way to stay connected to your child while you have to be gone.

[Abbey]

This is a really helpful discussion for me; I'm 34 weeks pregnant with my first and currently work at a job that requires me to travel almost every other week, typically 2-4 nights at a time. I will be at home for 3 months on maternity leave, but am naturally apprehensive about going back to such a demanding schedule that will take me away from by infant, and leave her with my husband (who claims to be excited about the prospect of some one-on-one time, but I worry he'll get overwhelmed). We're also planning on pumping/breastfeeding, which I hope will go fine, but worry about the length of time I'll need to be away for. So, I just wanted to thank everyone for their helpful comments as I prepare to deal with a lot of time on the road.

[Mona]

My husband always does special stuff with them, like going out to dinner. And what about a webcam? That could help a lot. My kids love talking to their grandparents on the computer. Also, the calendar can help a lot. As can planning something special to do when you get back (doesn't have to be trip to Disney, could just be extra trip to the library).

[Stef]

My brother-in-law travels for business frequently, so he taped himself doing their night routine. He reads a story to the camera, sings a song, says prayers, and then goodnight. The kids love it and say "put in Daddy!" as a request for the video.
I found that traveling was not worth the upheavel it caused at home. It's one thing to go away a couple times a year for rejuventation, but I came back from business trips exhausted, my spouse was exhausted from my absence, and I sensed a real erosion of the kid's sense of our nuclear family. It was difficult to leave that job and make such a sacrifice, but I don't regret making it.

[HeatherS]

We make a quick video (just using the video feature on our digital camera, nothing fancy) and load it onto our family computer. The traveler usually talks about where they are, when they will be home, and and how much they miss and love our son.

It seems to help our toddler son more than phone calls because he can (1) see the person's face and (2) watch it whenever he wants and as many times as he wants.

[Amy]

I want to second the suggestion to use Skype. When my ex-husband travels, he talks to the kids on Skype. Sometimes I'll just set up the laptop on the coffee table and let him listen to them do homework, read their school books, tell stories, etc. Seems easier for all involved than a phone (esp. for the littler one) and let's him feel likes he's helping them do their homework. So, if you could get your caretaker to set up Skype so you could "eat" dinner with them or something like that, it might help everyone to feel more connected.

[Mommie Mentor]

The ideas everyone has shared so far are wonderful. There isn't one perfect solution that will make traveling magically easier. The only thing you can do is choose a few things you think will help and see what your child responds to. Here are few ideas that have made a big difference for parents.
1. If you're a mom, or a Dad who doesn’t care, put some bright red lipstick on your lips and kiss a sheet of paper and have it laminated. Tell your child this is a kiss from Mom or Dad and you can go and kiss it anytime you need a kiss while I’m away. Lamination allows the kiss to be wiped off.
2. For Mom or Dad. Spray some of your after shave or perfume on a napkin or a hanky and allow you child to keep it with them to smell you while you're away.
3. This one needs to be used for older little ones only so they’re safe at night. Spray some after shave or perfume on a t-shirt and let your child wear it to sleep.
4. Both caretaker and child need some place for the child to put their feelings while traveling parent is away. Get a child's tape recorder and tell your child this is a “special feelings” recorder. Your child can tell the recorder aka the traveling parent, anything they want. They can record “I miss you 200 times”, they can record how things have gone during the day or how upset they are after a fight or anything like that.
5. Use your video recorder to videotape the traveling parent reading a bedtime story. This way your child can see and hear the traveling parent at bedtime, and you can pull the video out during the day or at nap-time if they’re sad.
6. Record the traveling parent singing several songs. Put the tape on in the car or anytime the child misses the parent.
7. I love the idea someone mentioned about a package a child can open each morning. I’d have a big map in the house and allow the child to plot where the parent is each day they’re away. Even if traveling parent is only going from the hotel to Corporate central, this is fun. Include a good morning letter and to keep things fun include a joke or silly story to be read over breakfast.
8. There are activity sites where you can down load pictures to color or purchase 2 coloring books to be used only when the parent is traveling. The child can make special pictures for traveling parent and give them to the traveling parent as a gift when he/she comes home or both parent and child can color the same picture and put them up together when traveling parent gets home. This sends the silent message, "Yes, I think about you too when I’m not home.
Good luck and hurry home, the Mommie Mentor.

[Ally]

The chart we did, with a space for each day of travel and then one for each day I was gone, really helped when Jamie was that age. I went to vegas last june for a conference, and I put some images from vegas grabbed off of flickr on the sheet, and then the chart had an airplane for each day of travel, and then an image in the days between representing things he might be doing that day. So weekdays were school-related things, and fun stuff on the weekends. He really turned a corner that trip, and has been fine ever since.

But yeah, after the first one when he was two, which represented my first time away, ever, the trips haven't been that much fun. I still look forward to them though, until the day before I leave and then I fall apart a little. Fortunately these days I am usually traveling with a coworker that I really like.

We also talk every night around dinnertime, which is usually doable no matter what time zone I happen to be in, and last october when I was gone, MD sent a picture to my phone every morning. THat was awesome.

[Ally]

Just scanned some of the other comments, and noticed my chart/calendar idea was mentioned at least one other time.

Also, the methods depend on the kid. We tried the package a day thing, but that was my first trip away and he was inconsolable (screamed the first 30 hours, my poor husband almost had a nervous breakdown) and the packages gave us no benefit. I haven't had time to do them since. We weren't sure about talking on the phone, but he seems to be ok with it, and as he's getting older, really enjoys it.

[Florabora]

My first trip away was to a conference when little A was 7 months old. He had been weaned for a month, so I didn't have the pumping issues others had, but when I returned and my DH came to pick me up at the airport, Little A was afraid of me! He warmed up eventually. It hurt, but it's understandable.

I've taken several 1 to 2 night trips away (I'm on one right now), and still haven't come up with the best way to deal with this. Little A is 15 months old now - and I started this trip by telling him Sunday night in the bath that I was going to be away from home a few days. He actually looked up at me and seemed to understand what I was saying. Last night, before I left, I told him I'd be gone "2 sleeps" and would be back after that - and he immediately said "bye bye!" Maybe he was looking forward to eating toddler junk food with his dad (soy nuggets and applesauce).

I like many of the suggestions posted here - I will have to remember them for when Little A is a little bigger.

[Cloud]

Hi Abbey, I know of working moms who have made frequent travel work, so I know it is possible. However, I found going back to work a big enough adjustment, so I asked for a couple of months to adjust to that before I had to take a business trip. Maybe you could get a month to get back into the swing of things before you add travel to the mix? Or even just a few weeks, so that you can find out how you do with pumping and figure out what schedule works best for you. I found the first week or two back at work to be very tiring (even though I now love working). It was an adjustment, and there are also physical things, like making sure you drink enough water.

I actually turned down a job w/the sort of travel you describe, but we seriously considered doing it (a job that was a better fit came along). Our plan was going to be to ask my Mom to bring Pumpkin on every other trip... so that Hubby and I basically took turns have some time "off". My Mom is retired and a pretty gung ho Grandma and I have a stupid number of frequent flier miles from previous trips. However, I've heard that nanny services are starting to pop up at business hotels. It might be worth checking on.

Bottom line- you'll figure out how to make it work if making it work is what is right for you. However, if you can negotiate a little breathing room at the start, you'll probably be glad you did.

[Cate]

@Cloud, Next time when you're in an airport and need to pump, look for a family room/lounge. I don't travel a ton, but last summer I was at heathrow and they had a few. Lots of shopping malls have this sort of ammenity, and it seems to be growing in popularity. Anyhow, that sort of room is meant for changing the baby and nursing, if you like, but I'm sure it could be used for pumping as well.

[Jill]

Following up on Cheryl's post, I was reminded of what I did during a couple of trips when my daughter was REALLY into puzzles.

I used the tool linked below (can't seem to embed the link, sorry if it breaks) to create and print hidden message puzzles, one for each day. Some said things like "Have fun at dance class!" or "See you in 2 more days". It was easy, free, and it helped my girl be excited to get home in the afternoon, even though I wasn't there.

http://puzzlemaker.discoveryeducation.com/WordSearchWithMessageSetupForm.asp

[pnuts mama]

it just occurred to me that so many of these great ideas will come in handy this summer when i am in the hospital away from the pnut for a few days having her baby brother.

1. must bookmark page
2. must remember to *do* some of these things when the time gets closer!!

awesome.

[bernalgirl]

At 2.5 we started making our daughter star/sticker charts for when we are away. She can do it with whichever parent or caregivers stays. We make a grid and supply a star sticker for each morning and night we're away from each other.

She places a star in the box each morning and night and it seems to help her have a sense that we'll be back together again soon.

She has a small photo album containing all her family and some friends photos, and we put the grid on an index card affixed to the back of the book, in case she wanted to see a photo of her and me together, but you could put it anywhere.

[Mazlynn]

I remember when I was a child and my father had to take a very long business trip overseas, there are two things that we did.

1) That trip led to the creation of "daddy dog". It was an spotted stuffed dog that my dad had gotten for my mother when they were dating, and he was dubbed "daddy dog" because I was told he was a special doggy, and whenever I missed Daddy I should give daddy dog a hug. That dog is still very special to me - he went off to college with me, and I have him around here someplace to this day. He was renamed "Spot" later in life though, and I actually forgot he was originally "daddy dog" until I found...

2) A journal that mom helped me keep while he was gone. Each day we'd write down what we did that day, so I could share it with daddy when he got back. Of course, in the nature of these things, the first day had a very detailed entry that mom helped me write, the second day had a few lines in my shaky 5 year old hand, and it went downhill from there. But that suggests that it helped me to get through the transition of him being gone enough that I didn't feel the need to write down every single thing for the rest of the trip. With a younger child, maybe a tape recorder could replace the journal, or a parent could "take notes" for the child.

Have a safe trip!

[Jeno]

I will be leaving my 7 month old for the first time to attend a work conference, and am feeling a bit anxious about it. In fact, I just shared with a co-worker that I was nervous about leaving E. She promptly said that she "could never leave" her kids, and that you just have to choose your priorities. Hmmm. A little judgmental perhaps? Instead of being po'd, I suddenly felt a rush of guilt and worried that I was a bad mom for even considering leaving E! I'm glad to be brought back to reality that lots of good amazing moms leave they're kids for awhile, even breastfeeding moms, and it's ok! And we'll be okay. Thanks everyone!

[Cloud]

Yes, Jeno... it will be OK. Pumpkin seems to have suffered no ill effects from me abandoning her for a business trip at 6 months. (:

Seriously, if you're still breastfeeding, there are some logistics challenges but otherwise it isn't as bad as you think it will be. At 7 months, she's too little to give you a guilt trip so you just have to try to avoid giving yourself one.

I'd like to kick your co-worker's butt for you. What a stupid thing to say to you.

[paola]

My dad spent most of my first 20 years away from us and he was still a very central figure in my life. He was away all week except Wednesday nights and the weekend. My mother practically brought my brother and I up alone and did a great job of making dad a very present figure in our household, even if he was there only 2/7 of the time.

This I always remind myself of, particularly when my husband is away on business or comes home late. If my mum managed to make my absent father such a central figure in our household, I can certainly do it with 'daddy' who comes home almost every night, albeit occasionally late.