Q&A: weaning, or not weaning?

Stephanie writes:

"I’ve been reading your advice since my baby was born 11 months ago. We are approaching the 1 year mark and I can’t quit thinking about how to wean, when to wean, etc. I’m conflicted about stopping and can’t even fathom how I would ever do it. On one hand, I would like my breasts back (as would my husband). I would like to (but don’t necessarily need to) do some work again and be able to leave her with a sitter. And, I’d like to have 6 months or so breastfeeding free before I start trying for another baby and I’d like to start that this summer. OTOH, I don’t want to stop breastfeeding before my daughter is ready. Although, she does eat a variety of solid foods and enjoys them, she is also not showing any signs of stopping breastfeeding. We also nurse for naps and I feel like stopping will make my life so much harder during the day. Additionally, my mom just found out she has breast cancer (non-invasive) and I’ve read how breastfeeding is a protective factor against breast cancer and since I have several other risk factors (started my period early, had my first baby over 30, family history), I feel like I should breastfeed as long as possible. 

In my life before motherhood, I always thought extended breastfeeding seemed weird, but I currently see no end in sight. It seems like so many moms I know said their baby just wanted to stop between 11-13 months. I don’t see that happening with my daughter.

I would love to hear your experience of when your babies were ready to wean and your readers as well.  I’d also like some advice on how to reply to people who say, “You’re still breastfeeding???” Thanks!"

I think we should just call Stephanie "Everywoman," because that's about the most concise summary of the classic set of conflicts between wanting to wean and wanting to keep nursing that I've heard.

(Am I the only one who feels sad that 11 months is considered "extended" breastfeeding? It's such a tiny slice of their lives, even if each feeding seems like an eternity sometimes.)

Anyway, it sounds like you want to do some kind of partial weaning plan. You could go down to one or two nursing sessions a day to keep the benefits, while still having your body back somewhat. Once you're down to those few feedings, you can decide if you're comfortable keeping with those for awhile longer, or if you want to wean completely. And weaning down from two feedings to nothing is lots easier than trying to get down from more feedings to none.

I think weaning is another one of those things that we think of as all-or-nothing, but unless you have to wean completely cold turkey for some medical or logistical reason, you can do it gradually enough that it doesn't feel like such a hard choice. (Let me say once again that if you have the time, it's an extremely good idea to wean gradually over the course of a few weeks. Weaning cold turkey can give you mastitis--which was worse for me than two unmedicated labors--and can also make your hormones drop so strongly that you could get thrown into PPD. Over a few weeks you can cut down a feeding every few days and dry up your milk using mint and sage tea enough to help prevent mastitis and PPD.)

So, back to the logistics. I'd figure out if there are a few sessions that you can drop in the next couple of weeks. The ideal candidates would be sessions that she doesn't seem to care about so much, but that make you nuts. I think if it were me, I'd keep the nap nursing sessions because you know you can get her down easily that way. Since the purpose of weaning is to make things easier, having to create a whole new nap routine seems counter-productive.

I think you should spend the next few days doing some careful observation about what sessions she seems attached to, and what sessions are making you jump out of your skin (if you're at that point). That'll tell you where to start working on the weaning.

Any comments or suggestions? I feel like 11 months is one of those points at which moms are starting to get really sick of nursing (18 months is another huge one). How did you make the decision to stop or not, and how did you make weaning the easiest possible on everyone?

Comments

[flea]

With my first child, my goal in breastfeeding was to make it to a year. I thought extended breastfeeding was a little strange, in an "I guess it's okay for them if that works for them" sort of way. I went to La Leche League meetings with nursing toddlers and still thought these things.

Then my baby turned 1 and I looked at her and thought - she is still a baby, not even a toddler yet. If she wants to nurse, I'm going to keep nursing her. I did *start* the weaning process then, though - since I was WOH, I stopped pumping. She took cow's milk in a cup with meals during the day, and it was open season on nursing when I was home. Over the period of about 14-18 months nursing became much less important, for both nutrition (I think - not a doctor!) and our relationship. By about 18 months, if we were in the park and she asked to nurse, I was able to say, "not now, let's nurse when we get home." I completely weaned her at 28 months when I was pregnant with my second.

To sum up: weaning can be a gradual process. I think Moxie's advice works well - start cutting back (distraction and the activity of the one year old are your friends) and see where it leads you. Keep an eye on your needs and your child's.

[Sarah]

you say "I feel like stopping will make my life so much harder during the day" and so I think that is your answer right there. Why make your life and your daughter's life harder right now? I agree with Moxie, maybe cut out a few sessions and find a good balance for the foreseeable future---she will still get what she needs and so will you.

I weaned my oldest at 20 months and my little one is almost 11 months and I plan to nurse at least as long (if that is what she wants). I do understand the wanting your body back thing. My baby nurses ALL NIGHT LONG and it can be frustrating...but weaning before they are ready is even worse, I think.

As for what to tell people when they ask..."Yes." And if they need more how about "it is a personal decision."?

[Kate]

Prebaby I also thought nursing past a year was questionable. Now I would be tortured if anyone self-weaned before 2. So, no, I am also sad that anyone feels "extended" (or overextended) at 11 months.

To be honest, once I got through the "I am so distracted I will wean right this second" at 8-9 months stage, neither kid has shown any interest in letting go completely.

Lots of people (esp working moms who pump) I know *say* their kid loses interest at 9 months, but if you've been reading Moxie you know that is a confluence of age/development and that weird pumping supply issue at that stage of the game. But once they introduce formula to make up for what's missing it's hard to get it back. I think that there's also an awful lot of pressure from medical professionals/baby advice books (in cahoots with the Milk Processing Board?) to start in with cow's milk ASAP like it is the be all and end all of nutrition. Not.

But anyway, I agree that if you can take a slow approach it would be better for everyone. Once Stephanie's daughter gives up her second nap and has more active time during the day, nursings will just sort of naturally fall away. I find that my son (almost 20 months) will not ask to nurse if we are having a playdate or are out at the park or the grocery store, but if we're at home just chilling out he's much more likely to ask. Uh, demand.

Once she is down to 2 or 3, one may stand out as the most important. But as kids get older it easier to substitute some other comfort ritual in its place.

Another thing that I did during early toddler nursing (I was pregnant and nursing hurt me for a while) was instead of cutting out the nursing was to severely limit the time of each--sometimes to only just 20-30 seconds, then off to play or read or something else.

As far as the "You're still breastfeeding?!" comments, I always come back with the fact that the World Health Organization recommends nursing until age 2, minimum. A dairy allergy/sensitivity (my daughter was off dairy from 11-18 months) is also an excellent fall guy for continuing. Or just "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

[Amanda]

I was/am having a similar internal debate - I wanted to have some time between weaning and getting pregnant again, and we want our kids reasonably close in age. My son is currently 14 months. I had night-weaned him at 10 months to restore my sanity as it was the only way to get more than 3 consecutive hours of sleep. Then I stopped pumping at work around his birthday, so then he got cow milk during the day. Currently we've stopped the process there - he nurses first thing in the morning and right before bed. It's great because I never have to nurse in public with an older baby/toddler (not that I care about other people's reactions, but at his age I have a high liklihood of flashing someone) - but we both still get the benefits of extended nursing. I think I'm going to nurse for a couple more months, to get through the worst of cold/flu season, then drop the last 2 nursings gradually.

A friend of mine likes to say that weaning is a gradual process that starts as soon as they start taking anything besides breastmilk. It's not something that will happen in a day. For me, it helped to think of it as a long slow process. Drop a feeding here or there and eventually the baby will be weaned. Right around a year, I thought I wanted to wean completely, but when I dropped the pumping and daytime nursings I found that I was totally OK with keeping the 2 we currently have.

[Emily]

Stephanie, I totally recommend a whittling-down plan, too. Your daughter sounds similar to mine - enjoying solids, but showing no signs of quitting nursing in the near future. I was constantly wondering when she might slow down on nursing, when I might be able to be proactive in cutting back, etc. Eventually (we were quite a few months "behind" you here), for us that meant having her nurse only when she woke up in the morning and woke up from naps. If there were any grabs at the shirt between those times, I distracted her with other fluids, or a snack, or going outside, or a toy, whatever might catch her interest. Boy, did we had a lot of practice at those distraction methods. :) And down the line, she didn't need to nurse first thing in the morning anymore, and then my husband happened to get her up from naps a few days in a row, and voila! Our nursing run was at an end.

I was open to nursing for a while, but we didn't wean until she was 26 months, and I never expected that! I was like you before I had my daughter, in that I couldn't ever imagine nursing a toddler. Funny how things turn out.

Like Moxie mentioned, the 18-month-old period (and the couple months before that) was the toughest for us with nursing. She upped the frequency and decreased the length of nursings (read: little comfort nibbles all day long), and I was going nuts. So I guess if she seems to be able to slow down and wean before you hit that interesting development mark, go for it.

I feel really lucky in that I very rarely got the "you're STILL nursing?" question - most people were really supportive (or just didn't voice their true opinions). If I was talking with people I knew might think it was a little weird, I just had to block out any need I usually feel to justify or explain...I just knew we were doing what was best for us, and that was that.

Sorry for the novel, but good luck with it all - I know you'll be able to find a weaning process that works for you and for her!

[Slim]

In brief, I think you keep the stuff that makes your life easier (sleep-associated nursing, in my case) and ditch the part that makes your life harder (pumping, middle-of-doing-something nursing breaks, whatever).
My ped's advice with the first was "Go slow, and if he freaks out, go slower."
I found that weaning begets weaning, or maybe it's just that the baby happens to be at a stage when weaning is possible, and the feeds drop off, but in any case, getting down to two feeds was pretty easy, and getting down to just one was not much harder.
This truly is a situation in which you need to be fine with your decision, and the baby will adjust. But in my case (Stephanie *is* Everywoman), knowing what I needed was hard to figure out.

[Sherry]

Man, all you people with ample milk make me so jealous!!! Why do I have to have so much trouble making milk!? My girl is at 7.5 months, and with work, not getting much when I pump, and maybe because of the two medicines I'm on (POPs and an antidepressant), I struggle with milk production. I'd like to hear from others who struggle -- just so I won't feel so inadequate! (I do give her formula after I nurse her and she's still hungry. I don't understand how to avoid doing this.)

[Jennifer]

I'm another one who thought (pre-baby) that I'd never nurse past a year.... We introduced cows' milk at 1 year and then did the whittle down thing so that she was only nursing before bed by 19 months and I was totally convinced that she'd be nursing before bed until she went to college as I wasn't going to cut her off their until she was ready. Then we went to visit a friend of mine whose daughter was 4 months older and had self-weaned at 11 months. We stayed for a week. My daughter just completely lost interest almost overnight in nursing while we were there (without my saying ANYTHING about it). Part of me was really sad and another part totally relieved that it just happened so easily.

[Cynthia]

Sherry, I have the same problem with low supply and also feel jealous of moms who make a ton of milk. When I went back to work at 13 wks I simply couldn't pump enough to feed ds while I was gone - even pumping 5 times a day with a hospital-grade pump and eating oatmeal, fenugreek, etc didn't cut it. I finally came to terms with the fact that he would get some formula when I was gone, cut down to pumping three times a day, and made peace with it. Interestingly, he shot up from the 25th to 75th percentile in height in the next couple of months which made me wonder if he'd been getting enough all along (his weight gain had been just adequate - not super, but ok - according to the ped). I know that LLL and lac consultants *say* that genuine low milk supply is very rare, but I wonder...(there is nothing medically wrong with me and I do not take any medications, so that is not the issue).
Anyway, he is 7 mon now and we have a different problem - he won't take a bottle from either me or dh on the weekends (he happily takes it from the babysitter during the week). The stubborn little fellow will refuse it even when I know he's really hungry, and if the boobs are empty he paws at my chest and whimpers, which is very upsetting. I keep thinking of weaning so he'd be less confused, but feel VERY conflicted about that for all of the reasons mentioned above, as well as my enduring guilt about not being able to EBF and hope that the breastmilk he gets at night (all night long, alas) is still providing extra nutrition.

[Mom In France]

I admit that I was ambivalent about breastfeeding before I had Boo. Most, though certainly not all, of my friends here bottle-fed from the get-go. Everybody has their story of starting out, and their goals. I think for me deciding to try and to take it from there was a good approach. I didn't have any idea in mind about when I would stop.

When Boo was 5 months old and I returned to work, I rented a pump from the pharmacy. I just didn't want work to dictate when I would wean. I have to say that have never known anyone to pump at work, even though I think it's pretty common in Corporate America. I didn't know how my employer here in France would react, but in fact they were really supportive, giving me a dedicated private space (and not an office but part of the on-site medical center).

I decided to stop pumping and go to two feedings a day (morning and night) when Boo was 6 months old. We're still (at 8.5 months) pretty much doing that although now that he's eating solids, his nursing time is much less, especially in the evening. I continue to take it day by day, and watch for signals between us about what to change.

[marsupial jones]

I haven't read other comments yet (no time yet), but have some thoughts. I've been breastfeeding exclusively for 6 mos.

I have to say, to those who say you're doing it too long, I'd smile and say "there are lots of benefits and I find it really rewarding."

I have a friend who stopped at 18 months, when she'd only had 2 nursings a day and she became very depressed and felt distant from her daughter. Daughter will be 2 soon, and she still breastfeeds at night and morning and finds it very helpful after going back to it.

I think the benefits outweigh the drawbacks (especially the breast cancer prevention). Moving to 2 a day might be best and I really don't think 11 mos is that "late." many women I know have nursed for 18 to 24 months or longer. Maybe a La Leche League would have some thoughts.

Also, I think kids have the rest of their lives to eat food, to become allergic and not have our antibodies and breastfeeding is so healthy and natural that doing it as long as feasible is great. That said, your sanity etc is VERY important (and relationship w/ husband). You have the right to make the choice that's best for you.

& to all women who can't breastfeed or chose not to, I support your choice and don't mean to sound unsupportive or anything like that.

Best to you!

[Fahmi]

I was a SAHM until my son was 14 months old, but I managed to keep nursing him until he was 20 months old. At 11 months, he was in no hurry to give up the breast, but he seemed okay with the idea of cutting it down a bit. I took away the nap nursing first, and kept nursing him in the morning and in the evenings when we was about a year old. It took a few days, but my body adjusted to the less demands pretty easily. I'd worried my son would not be able to tolerate my withholding milk for naps (he was still taking 2 naps), but it worked out fine. It helped that for three days, his father took care of naps, so by the fourth day, he was okay with no milk.

This worked out well when I started working, because my body was already adjusted to this. It was also right about when I stopped getting much milk out when pumping. My son got plenty when he nursed, but pumping was almost impossible (Moxie told us about this once). I would cuddle him and nurse him in the morning before leaving for work, and then nurse him again in the evenings.

By the time he was about 16 months, he didn't need the morning nursing anymore. He wanted to be out and play!

When I finally stopped at 20 months, it was because I felt "done" - not because he was no longer interested. But the gradual decreasing over eight months made it easy for him to give it up.

I think it's perfectly fine to continue nursing your 11-month old, but she should be able to adjust to having it less frequently. Especially since she is enjoying all the food right now.

[Cloud]

Great topic! I've been thinking ahead to this time and wondering what we'll do. Pumpkin is 8 months old now, and we have no plans to even think about weaning until she's 1 year.

Sherry- I normally have good supply and had a weird dip at about 7.5 months. I got through it with lots of fenugreek, oatmeal, dark beer... and two extra pumpings in the day. It was a pain, but in a couple of weeks I was able to go back to my usual schedule (I pump three times at work and once before bed- she gets bottles all day in day care and my hubby gives her one bottle in the middle of the night). I never went to formula supplementation because Pumpkin has issues if I eat dairy, so I can't imagine what a dairy-based formula would do to her. So, I have no experience with removing formula supplements. However, I do know that milk supply is a demand and supply operation- if you want your boobs to make more, you have to demand more. Your baby is the best pump around, so if you both have the patience to try, you could try letting her nurse longer instead of one of the formula supplements. Having the Thanksgiving weekend where I could let Pumpkin nurse and nurse and nurse if we needed to was probably the one thing that did the most to restoring my supply.

[Melissa]

My little Bean is 16 months old. I'm a full time WOHM (actually I work four 10-hour days so I can have 3 at home with my daughter). I pump twice a day when at work and am luck if I can get 8-10 ounces (I do a lot of hand expressing once the pump seems to quit being effective). At home its on demand (a few times during the day and anything from 2 to a gazillion times a night - we cosleep).

I have no desire to wean - I love the benefits to both baby and myself. I admit there are nights when I wish she would just sleep and not wake up to nibble. But I just tell myself that there will come a day in the near future where she won't want to snuggle, won't want to nurse, and I'll never ever get that back. Even if I have another child (still on the fence, mostly DH), there will come a day when I won't be nursing THIS one - she will no longer be my sweet little baby. And that thought is enough to make me sigh and hike up the shirt, sniff that sweet little head and give her a kiss and a cuddle.

BUT. I hate hate HATE pumping. I do it only to keep my supply up and because I'd rather have her drink breast milk at home with daddy than anything else.

Talk to me again in a couple of months though - maybe one of us will be ready to quit.

As for what others say - well I've been fortunate that no one has ever asked because I'd be afraid of what my mouth would respond. :-) It's no one's business but yours and your childs right?

[rudyinparis]

Hi Sherry,

I always had really low production, too. Fenugreek did help, but made me dizzy and lightheaded. I felt bad about it, because people seem to like to use terms like "EBF", implying that children that get any formula have cooties or something. (Can you tell I'm utterly baffled by drawing that distinction?! Obviously breast is best, but anyone who thinks that a child that receives formula is mistreated needs to read their local paper. I can supply many examples of children that are actually horrifically mistreated and getting formula doesn't put them on that list, IMO! Why don't we all just say our kids are "F"--as in, "Fed" and then sit happily at the table together?)

Little rant there. Sigh.

Anyway, to the PP, because of my low production I did worry not so much about nutrition but more about dehydration. But I don't believe you have that issue, and it sounds to me like your gut is telling you to continue. You could try the flip-a-penny test: take a penny and say that heads you wean, tails you don't. Whatever it lands, your gut reaction may help you sort out what you really want.

[BeBe]

My observational evidence is that it may be easier to stop breastfeeding around 1 year old than later. It's a little more like breaking any kind of habit at that point, rather than an emotional thing (for them, anyway- I was emotional!). As they become more aware, there seems to be a little more of the whole rejection thing going on when mom says "no".

[paola]

My first child was a really big nurser. He nursed every hour until he was 6 months old, (fortunately not at night as he started sleeping thru at 10 weeks), but days were really full and I was exhausted with all that breastfeeding ( I went 5 kilos under my pre-pregnancy weight in 3 months!!). At a year he was having two solid feeds a day, plus fruit and I was still nursing him 7 times a day, and not just nibbles either.

My motivation was that both my husband have lots of allergies and I really wanted to do as much as possible so that he wouldn't have the difficulties we have (anaphylaxis to nuts, in my case). This really didn't interfere with work as I wasn't working a whole lot, but when I did, he wasn't terribly phased to miss one of his many feeds.

The problem was that I desperately wanted a second child and I hadn't started ovulating yet and so I started to cut back on nursing going from 7 to 5, but nothing started happening until I was down to 4 a day. I wouldn't have cut back had I not wanted to get pregnant. I breastfed into my second pregnancy till my nipples were going to explode and the nausea was unbearable.

My second child is 11 months too and like with her brother she still nurses 7 times a day and has two solid feeds, plus a couple of snacks a day. Not a huge amount of nursing each time, but enough to give her some physical contact at the breast every 2-3 hours. In fact with her, i am thinking I will definitely cut back, not because, I am tired of it, but because she would probably get more milk into her if I nursed her 3 times a day, instead of 7. I do intend to go as long as possible with her too. At least 17 months as her brother. However this time I will not let it get in the way of other things as it did with no.1. Fortunately she doesn't 'need' it for bed time and when other people put her to bed she manages well.

[Shannon]

@Sherry, I have also had trouble with my supply. And yes, I have tried fenugreek, special tea, oatmeal, drinking water, and a lot of massaging (okay, squeezing) while pumping. It baffles me how some women have extra milk in their freezers, or can pump out an extra bottle every single day so their husbands can handle one feeding in the middle of the night. I have to give my son every last ounce I pump, and lately I have added all kinds of solids just to keep his weight in the 25th percentile.

Anyway, I don't have anything to add to the original topic, but I'm glad you brought up this side topic. And thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to rudyinparis who brought up how irritating it is when people talk about "exclusive breastfeeding" or say, "My child has never had a drop of formula."

[hedra]

I was like flea - okay in general with the 'nursing past a year' thing, but not really thinking it was for me (and mis-reading and being mis-told that AAP recommendation - I thought it was 'nurse TO a year' when they actually say 'nurse AT LEAST a year and longer if you both want to'). I thought that my friends who nursed past a year were maybe a little unusual, possibly maybe even a whif of 'weird' in there, but well, just COULD NOT IMAGINE doing so myself. Nah, one year was my goal, and that goal also seemed like an end point.

Until my first was nearing a year, and there was NO way he was ready to wean. I'd try to cut out a feeding, and he'd end up clinging to me for a week and begging to nurse six times as often, with such a look of anxiety... Belle's comment notwithstanding, my kids all had an emotional (profound emotional) attachment to nursing by then. Heck, by 7 months.

Sooo... I did a little adjusting (yes, introduced cow's milk, yes stopped pumping) around 11 months-ish (at the pumping slump stage), but kept up nursing whenever we were together - including all days on weekends (I don't leak much, so while I'd be a little full-ish on Mondays, that was okay with me), and some at night. My supply would be lower on Sat, decent on Sun, and fine the rest of the week. G nursed until he was 3 1/4 years old and I was 9 weeks pregnant with his little brother (having blown through the miscarriage before him without a change to the nursing pattern - and no, nobody thinks the nursing was related to the losses - more likely that my second hand smoke exposure as a child played a role). That was WAY longer than I thought was really 'cool' before I was there. But, ya know, they're getting older one day at a time, not in a big chunk all at once. The difference from one day to the next is so small, it was no big deal to carry on.

Though after he weaned, about a week later, I could not IMAGINE nursing a kid that old/big/grown up. Go figure.

The other kids have hit different margins - B was nearly weaned on his own by 2 1/2, and the twins... one probably would have weaned at 14 months or so on her own, but the whole twin jealousy thing meant that any time R had some, she had to also... sigh. So, they were 99% weaned by 3 years, and still sometimes ask to nurse (about 1ce every week or so).

If you're concerned about fertility while nursing, there are options to boost fertility without stopping the nursing. Nursing into a pregnancy and through a pregnancy is not necessarily a problem, but there are medical history issues that might make it one (like preterm labor or cervical issues). I used high-dose B vitamins to kick start my fertility while nursing, others I know have used Vitex (chastetree berry - doesn't affect milk supply as much as the B, I think it was B6). Short luteal phase is the biggest issue with nursing and trying to get pregnant, with anovulatory cycles being second (at least anecdotally). If you're not ovulating, that's a big issue, but if you're just ovulating 'late', that can be modified. I managed to get pregnant multiple times (all but the first time) while breastfeeding. OTOH, I'm also hyperfertile, so if you had more trouble, that's a valid concern as well (though again, Vitex or other approaches may solve issues without taking other steps).

I am a fan of teaching nursing manners to toddlers (gently) - that includes cutting back a bit on the bossy demanding thing that can be so annoying. Gives you some sanity room, but without saying absolute NO. IMHO, there are a million paths between outright weaning and total on-demand toddler nursing. If you feel your way through it, you'll find where you're comfortable. And honestly, the nursing an older child has its uses! Shutting down the overtired wired child... stopping tantrums... rehydrating during stomach bugs... less stinky puke during same... and yeah, less risk of cancer is a big one, especially given your risk profile.

Oh, and I thought I'd want my body back, but ... well, it gradually just stopped being a problem. Less of one when they're not in a fussy stage, too. ;)

[hedra]

Oh, and teh EBF thing... I know I kind of panicked when I thought I'd have to use formula with the twins, in part because of so many of my peers leaned toward the 'formula is poison' side (some very vaguely, but it was still there) - even if *I* personally didn't feel that way, and I was an experienced mom, yadda yadda - I still felt it. And instead of doing my homework on what kind of formula would be appropriate for my food-sensitive kids (fully hydrolyzed like Elecare or Neosure, BTW - both will work with kids highly sensitive to dairy and/or soy), I went with trying to supplement with mashed banana. Which was a *complete* disaster. For both of them. GAH.

I got lucky and was laid off, so I could go back to nursing full time until they were old enough for solids, but... well, it would have been so much easier if I hadn't had so much of the 'EBF IS PERFECT and everything else is ... (sniff/sneer)... not' koolaid.

Fed is fed, and everyone has a story behind how it transpired for them (any path).

[Charisse]

Great topic! I had always had 18 months in mind as when to wean (my mom's early, 1970s LLL and I live in San Francisco)...but it ended up being 24 months, just because events intervened. I had given up pumping at 13, was pretty ready to be done at 18, and Mouse had shown signs such as giving up the immediately after work pick-up feeding, etc...then, the weekend before she was to transition to a new daycare, I stuck a finger in her mouth and found 4 molars swollen and cutting through. Forget it for right then!

That was in October, and what with the transition and the holidays I didn't think about it again until January, except for bribing her with a chocolate chip to not do little nibbles ("bad" but quite effective) :). Then in January she ended up in the hospital with RSV, so forget it for right then! Then in February she got a horrible GI virus, so forget it for right then! When she got well from that, she took a huge leap in the amount and variety of solids she was eating (she'd of course been eating them before, but now that she was bringing her weight back, her appetite was huge). And she was inbetween teeth, which is maybe a good window for a lot of folks to think about...so, then I started to get serious about eliminating one nursing at a time, and giving us 2 weeks to get used to each one. I used different techniques, and what you do will have a lot to do with the age and temperament of your weanling. What worked for us at almost-2 was cool distractions, i.e. a specially decorated big-girl sippy cup for first thing in the morning, talking about it, and a little weaning story book I wrote for her. (The book has been helpful to a bunch of friends too--email me if you'd like to see it.)

And, I tapered very carefully and had no mastitis, but still experienced a week of weaning pain that approached the unmedicated labor territory. Not sure how true this holds for everybody (maybe you all can comment?), but in my little circle the more bodacious ladies have no idea what I'm talking about, whereas among my fellow members of the IBTC (it's probably a courtesy to call me a Barely B) it was pretty much universal. Just fair warning--at least once you're all all done, you can mainline as much Aleve as you need.

[Cloud]

Sherry, Shannon, RudyinParis- I definitely didn't mean to imply that giving your baby formula is a bad thing. I'm sooo sorry if my post came across that way. I'm a firm believer in doing whatever works for you and your baby. Pumpkin had formula early on, because we had latch issues. My main motivation in avoiding it now is her trouble with dairy and a fear of messing with the status quo. I'd rather stay up a little later to pump one more time than risk a screaming gas attack. (:
I keep hoping Pumpkin will get over her dairy sensitivity (thankfully, not a full-blown allergy). I have no idea what we will wean to when we eventually wean. Maybe she'll like soy milk better than I do.

I wish we knew more about why some women have heaps of milk and some women don't. I am somewhere in the middle. It took me several days to save up enough milk to start the "one bottle in the middle of the night" routine, and I have to pump to replace that feeding (that's why I pump before bed- I used to pump first thing in the morning but Pumpkin plays with the pump now, so its easier to do it while she is asleep).

One other thing that helps me through supply dips is steak. Yes, steak. I get more milk the day after I eat a nice big steak. My theory is that protein is the one main component of breastmilk my body can't make by drawing from my fat supplies, so if I don't have enough protein my supply suffers. If you're a vegetarian, I'd guess that a big helping of whatever your favorite protein source is would do something similar.

[SJ]

@Sherry - I had supply issues too - now preg with #2 and wondering if it will be the same (I did have some medical problems postpartum so I am hoping maybe this time will be easier). My son had about one bottle of formula/day from 3wks on, and it saved my sanity and made him way happier - he was clearly hungry. I tried to pump extra times, fenugreek, etc, but it just didn't make enough of a difference.

@rudyinparis - I agree completely - one man I worked with had the nerve to tell me that every woman could make enough if they really tried - and I got so mad!

Not sure how long I will BF with this little girl - I stopped at ~7 months with older brother, since I was absolutely exhausted. It did turn out that I no longer had a working thyroid (it took me another four months to figure that out) - so if that had been okay, I think I would have kept pumping at least a few months more, and then kept a morning or night nursing session.

[Arwen]

I'm with you, Moxie, on being sad that 11 months is considered "extended" breastfeeding. I guess I must have been naive, but it surprised me when I got the "are you *still* nursing?" question when my daughter was only a year old! I thought she'd have to be at least walking and talking before people would start doing that. I, like Kate, use the WHO recommendation as my explanation, but I wish I didn't feel like I had to give an explanation.

I think Moxie's suggestion to cut back on nursing without weaning completely is perfect. It's working for us, although the feedings we cut out were the nighttime ones because I was going insane from sleep deprivation, and I stay home with my daughter and really don't mind nursing her all day long. You have to do what works for you.

Oh, and as someone who has breastfed exclusively - through sheer luck, as far as I can tell - I want to echo previous commenters that fed is fed. I am proud of succeeding at breastfeeding (it's not easy), and I'm all for educating mothers about what they can do to keep their supplies up and give their babies as much breastmilk as possible, but I've seen the formula-is-poison idea drive more than one mother to guilt and distraction unnecessarily. Fed is fed, end of story. :)

[mamagoose]

I'll hop on with other posters in a plea for sensitivity towards women who struggle with breastfeeding. The guilt/stress I felt when someone would rattle off the breast or die mantra made the first months of son's life very hard for me. I understand that sticking with the breast is the best option- but I would hope that everyone could be aware of others' experience.

[hush]

Sherry, me too! Low milk supply here!

I feel a crapload of guilt over it because I know it is due in large part to the breast reduction I had years ago. (Though I would have the surgery all over again because the pain was debilitating, but I digress.)

I'm lucky if my DS can get 2 oz. of breastmilk a day. Thank gawd for hospital grade rental pumps.

[Sandra]

Funny how I was thinking about this very topic last night. The bug is just shy of his 1st birthday. Before he was around, I thought that breastfeeding past a year was just plain weird. Not so much any more, yadda, yadda, yadda. He went through a period around 8-9 months (didn't realize it was so common) when his interest in nursing, at least during the day, waned. Now, his enthusiasm seems doubled. As his comprehension grows, he gets super excited when I ask if he wants "milk" (guess I'll have to come up with another name for cow's milk when the time comes). I'm not sure if it's just because he understands what I mean or if he's truly that enthusiastic. I've nursed him before bed since forever and now even the mention of "time for sleep" causes him to get excited (thank goodness nursing tends to calm him right down). Thing is, I'm in that place too where I can't ever imagine him stopping. And I'm not ready for him to stop yet, but wonder if I'll ever be able to go out before his bedtime, for instance (have tried this in the past with disastrous results). It also seems like my milk supply is dropping precipitously - don't feel anywhere near as full as I used to, he seems frustrated sometimes after a minute or two of sucking, etc. I WOH part-time and stopped pumping at 8 months because the limited amounts I was getting were frustrating and demoralizing. So he gets formula while I'm gone. But when I'm at home, he nurses. I thought my body had adjusted pretty well, but the milk just doesn't seem to be there some days.

Starting to ramble a bit here. Guess my main thoughts are, Stephanie, I'm with you on the confusion about when and how to wean. Wish I had some answers, but we seem to be in similar boats. As far as what to tell others, I'm planning on just saying that we're doing it for the health benefits for him (although I'm starting to wonder about this as he's caught his 3rd or 4th cold in a row) and connection.

[JenniferH]

Thank you Moxie and Stephanie. This question and answer could not have come at a better time. My son is 11 1/2 months old and I previously thought that we would be starting the weaning process by now...especially back in the days when he was 2 months old and nursing was so very hard for both of us.

He's down to about 3-4 sessions per 24 hours. He nurses before his two naps, before bedtime and once in the early morning (3-4 am). Right now my plan is just to eliminate the 3-4 am session and keep the others. Nursing really helps him unwind before naps and bedtime and it feels right to me still.

I would love to have some time back, especially during the day. I think we'll see where we are after I introduce cow's milk at the end of the month. I am sure it will take several months before the before-nap nursings are cut down or out. I think bedtime will stay for a while.

Of course, I could feel differently about it at 18 months but I am thinking we might make it to 2 years. That would be just amazing.

[Salexuel]

I agree with much the previous posts said. Everyone needs to do it in a way that is comfortable for them, even if that means trying out multiple things until you find it.

For the "Are you still breastfeeding?" question, you could always answer with a raised eyebrow and a "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?" response. Good luck!

[mary]

My son was weaned at 14 months. Like Stephanie mentioned, I was ready to be done, and it didn't seem like he cared much one way or the other. It looks like I will be the one dissenter not encouraging her to keep breastfeeding. :) I never thought I'd breastfeed that long either (6 months was my goal) and I'm glad we went as long as we did. However, I am ok with being done now (he's 17 months at this time).

Data points -- I work outside the home so by the time we started weaning, he was only nursing 3 times a day (morning, before bed, and then about 10 pm). We cut out the 10 pm feeding and did that for a few weeks. Then got rid of the morning feeding (gave him some cheerios and cow's milk instead and he was thrilled -- this guy loves him some cheerios). Then we cut out the evening one -- gave him some milk or water while he got his evening stories. Then we forgot to give him the drink and he didn't seem to notice.

My experience is the same as BeBe's (that he'd probably be a lot more upset if we tried weaning now instead of when we did), but that's just my kid -- yours may be different, of course! Not much bothers him.

Also, hear hear to those saying that kids are FED. We don't need the guilt. (J got some formula each day at daycare because I just didn't pump enough).

[rudyinparis]

Hi Cloud,

Nope, your post didn't offend me at all. And you are just so gosh-darn nice to come back and say you meant no harm. Ditto to any others who wave a white flag on the issue.

I raise a symbolic goblet (whether formula or breastmilk or some combination in between...) to this gorgeous community! Cheers!

[Ewokmama]

My son is 17 months and we are still breastfeeding. I never really thought about how long we would go - I was just so focused on making it to a year. The year came pretty quickly and we are still going. And I'm still pumping, too. The pumping is something I want to get rid of but I wanted to wait until my son's solids intake is somewhat stable. I am aiming for the end of the year when I can hang up the horns!

Do whatever works for you and your child. Like Moxie said, it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

When people ask me if I'm still breastfeeding, I say yes and tell them the truth: we will wean as my son takes more solids. While he is so spotty, the breastmilk is a great way to fill in the nutrtitional gaps.

For those who have low supply and wondering about those of us with ample supply, the keys for me seemed to be nursing during the night and at least every 3 hours. Once my son started sleeping through, my supply dropped and I had to add an extra pump session. It seems there is a trade off for getting a good night's rest!

[Liza]

Like many others, I thought I would nurse until I went back to work, then until 6 months, then until a year...and at 11 months, could not imagine life without nursing.

However, I was happy to stop pumping! And over the next few months we dropped back to just 2x/day, then just bedtime + as a comforting/calming strategy.

Just before I turned 38 and DS was 20 months, the RE said "completely wean first." After 3 opinions (2: wean; 1: you're nursing so little it's probably fine) I decided to stop. First, I limited the time more and more, which worked well from 30 min to about 10, but not so well from 10-5.

The actual STOPPING sucked. (Pardon the pun.) It was heartbreaking and awful for about 2 weeks, at least every so often.

But now, it's ok. We've been totally weaned for 6 or 8 weeks. I'm still not pregnant, but at least I know it isn't the prolactin.

BEST COUNTERINTUITIVE ADVICE: Paying more attention and developing new cuddling rituals with my son helped. Now we snuggle together and share a bowl of fruit & a video every morning.

[caramama]

I'm so glad Moxie posted this topic! We aren't there yet, but the Pumpkin has been eating so much solid food during the day that she is down to two bottles during the day. I'm about to cut out one of my 3 pumping sessions! Yeah! I hate pumping!

But I was hoping to keep breastfeeding past a year (I think I'm not going to use the term "extended" anymore, because I also think it's sad), and I was worried that cutting out one feeding would send us down the weaning path too quickly. It sounds like we can just go really gradually.

Feeding is feeding, no matter how it is done. Formula is definitely not poison, and it is such a blessing to many people. Heck, I was raised on formula, and I think I turned out pretty darn good! But I do want to add another side--that some people push breastfeeding so hard over formula because breastfeeding stopped being the norm/common in at least the US for a while. Many women choose formula because it just seemed like the thing to do (my mother was one of these women, and was even told by her doctor that formula was better than breastmilk), and some women don't even consider even trying breastfeeding without learning anything about it (my sister in law was one of these women). I think the push is there to help breastfeeding become a normal thing to do/see, as in formula is not the only choice. Some people definitely take it too far and act like formula is evil, which is so wrong. I know a few women who had problems physically or with work environment and simply couldn't breastfeed (start or continue), and what would they do without formula?

As for telling others that you are still breastfeeding, I mention WHO's recommendations, I point out that AAP says AT LEAST a year, and I talk about the study I read that looked at when the human child would naturally wean. The study said "In societies where children are allowed to nurse "as long as they want" they usually self-wean, with no arguments or emotional trauma, between 3 and 4 years of age. This interest also stemmed from the realization that other animals have "natural" ages of weaning, around 8 weeks for dogs, 8-12 months for horses, etc. Presumably these animals don't have cultural beliefs about when it would be appropriate." Here's a link: http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html

And thanks everyone for great responses!

[wendy]

Everybody's kids are different and it's been best for me to try to not plan too much, since my real experience turned out so different than the plan (with many, many things). I planned to let the baby lead and as a SAHM, we were totally flexible. I didn't care if he was 3 and still nursing. He was always a really fast nurser, enjoyed it but didn't linger. Then right around his 1st birthday, as he began to cut teeth and walk more confidently, he quickly lost interest. 10 minutes nursing turned into 2 minutes, which turned into nothing. I tried enticing him for a week then realized he just was no longer interested. And, 3 months later, here we are. It was harder for me than for him, but I guess I got what I wanted, which was a baby-led weaning. In sum, I'm pretty happy because the baby seems happy and I am pretty happy to not be so tired from nursing and to have my body back for awhile.

[caramama]

Oh, and I couldn't have imagined breastfeeding for longer than a year prior to having the baby, and even prior to getting over all the difficulties we had in the begin. And I still revisit the thought of stopping every now and then. And I might not make it as long as I hope, because breastfeeding is really hard.

There is nothing wrong with stopping when you've had enough, either. Simply being done with it is a valid reason to stop. I'm just annoyed with our culture telling us it's "weird" to breastfeed past 11 or 12 months. I really isn't. But if the mom or the baby is just done with it, I think stopping is the right thing to do. And I love Moxie's suggestion for the OP to try doing it gradually and seeing if that is the right thing to do.

And I love Salexuel's "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." That's awesome, and I'm going to use it!

[Hilary]

As for rude comments from people, I would point out that the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for a minimum of two years.

Good luck on balancing out your needs and your daughter's. I think you can compromise. Children do self wean, but that timing can vary really wildly. Just keep prioritizing what matters to you as a parent and as your own person, and you will keep balancing those needs the rest of her life.

[Andrea]

I was just pondering over the same thing since my 11 month-old will be moving to the toddler room in 2.5 weeks, so I won't be pumping anymore. I've decided we'll still nurse for a while longer and work on it slowly.

The thing I'm struggling with most on the weaning process is... How in the WORLD do you cut out night nursing without being up all night? Am I just a wuss?

[heather]

Like many others here, I, too, have supply issues. I am home with my 7 month old daughter all day. We've done the nursing every 2 hours thing (for WEEKS on end), fenugreek, oatmeal, yadda, yadda. No incrase. I supplemented occasionally (1/2 x week) the first 4 months, then supplementation became regular. She is 7 months now and gets approx. 12-16 oz/day of soy formula (eczema when she tried regular formula). She now nurses 3-4 times/day. I was also tormented about giving my baby "satan's drink" but I am gradually feeling at peace with it.

Originally, I hoped to make it to 4 months breastfeeding, then 6 months. Like others, I would now like to go to a year or beyond, but I am 37, tried for 2 years to get PG with this one and would like another. (I still find it funny that I went from "yeah, well, I don't know if I'll nurse" to "I'll try to make it to 4 months" to "I want to nurse as long as Baby wants to!")I want to have some nursing-free months before trying to get PG again...mainly because I gained 20 lbs AFTER the Babe was born and I want to get back to my normal weight before getting PG again. (Gained 25lbs while PG, lost all but 6lbs by 6 weeks postpartum, gained 14 back by 3.5 months. No thyroid or other problems that we can find. Midwife says "5-10% of nursing moms actually GAIN weight while nursing." We'll find out soon enough.)

I am planning to wean around 9 months, spend a couple months getting back into shape, then trying again. After reading all these responses though, I am feeling guilty all over again about weaning so soon!

Back to the subject at hand though...I'm with Moxie about the gradual weaning. We dropped a couple sessions in the middle of the day and she doesn't even seem to notice (honestly, I could probably stop cold turkey and she really wouldn't care...she is so used to the bottle now anyway).

If I was younger, I would probably keep nursing until *at least* 18 months, but I don't feel I have the luxury of time. I don't know how old Stephanie is, but my advice would be to keep on keepin' on as long as things are working for you and your family.

[scotti]

After fighting through some severe nursing problems when my son was a newborn, I haven't been that interested in stopping. So we're still nursing and he's 21 months though now he's down to 2 times a day, sometimes 3.
I pumped at work until he was about 17 months and I have to say it's a relief not to pump anymore.
Plus, I think nursing a toddler is the easy part -- virtually no crying, no frantic urgency, no milk squirting everywhere, no leaking and lots of smiles.
My LC offered this suggestion for the "when are you going to stop nursing" questions: "When he asks for the car keys". Stops them in their tracks every time :)

[Megan]

Like many responders, I set my sights on nursing for a year and would see then how things were going. I was pleased as punch to stop pumping at a year, but there were no signs of my DS wanting to wean, so we didn't.

He's 2 years old now, and still nurses a few times a week. He gradually stopped nursing in the middle of the night, in the morning, etc. He often nurses to sleep for his weekend naps, and NOTHING is better for getting him in that sleepy frame of mind.

We had ours ups and downs with nursing, but I'm so glad we persevered. So to all of you with younger babies wondering if you should wean, just know that if you decide to continue, it's worth it.

When someone asks, "You're still nursing?!" I generally smile very broadly and say, "Yes! Isn't it great?" They don't generally have a comeback to that. I used to try and "educate" others on the benefits of nursing, what the WHO and AAP recommends, etc., but found that I ended up sounding defensive and strident. I don't need to convince anyone that what I'm doing is right for me and my baby, and neither do you.

[hydrogeek]

This couldn't have come at a better time for me. Today is my girl's one year birthday and I've been struggling with the same issues. I cut out the pumping during the day around 9 months and she gets formula at the sitters. We bf in the mornings, when I get home from work and at night. She is almost dropping one of those afternoon/evening feedings recently, and I think I'm seeing a hormone drop. Has anyone else seen this? I haven't had a return of my cycle yet, and I've been feeling distinctly PMS'y for 2 weeks straight (poor husband!). Can anybody give me any insight on this? I would be tempted to wean her just because I can't handle my hormones being wonky! I hope someone can tell me that this too shall pass, because I sure wouldn't mind having 2 nursing sessions a day, especially if I could get my fertility to return.

[Linda]

I have pointed out the WHO recommendations to people, only to be told that those recommendations are based on the idea that a lot of countries do not have adequate nutrition for kids. Because we do (here in the US), breastfeeding past a year is unnecessary. I am not saying I agree, but I have found people willing to argue with me. FWIW, I just asked people why I would pay for formula for two when I had an adequate supply? I am cheap.

Since I'm posting anyway, I will say that I followed Moxie's general advice. I weaned my twins around a year (no idea why I had the supply to nurse twins for a year~I think it's partially a crap shoot). We were doing about 4 feedings/day at that time and I just cut out one per week over the next month. No one seemed excessively upset about it although I got a bit wistful. It was nice to stop pumping at work.

Andrea, I night weaned around 5-6 months, but not really intentionally. We just offered everything else first (including my husband) before offering my breasts. Eventually, I think they thought it just wasn't worth the trouble to wake up. My husband would get up for a while in the middle of the night, only waking me if 10-15 minutes of Daddy didn't fix it and he thought the baby really was hungry. We slowly stopped cosleeping at the same time and I think that made a difference, too. They just spent longer parts of the night in their cribs and less in our bed.

[Shannon]

@Cloud, no, I wasn't offended by anything you (or anybody else) said. This blog is actually much more drama-free than any other blog I read!

@Heather, I'm right there with you with the breastfeeding weight gain. Not only do I get frustrated that I don't make as much milk as everybody else, I also get frustrated when I see women wasting away to nothing because they're breastfeeding. Like you, I lost all but 5 of my baby pounds by 1 month postpartum, then proceeded to go ahead and gain about 10 back. Now I'm on !@#$% Weight Watchers. (Good program, but all diets SUCK.)

[Shandra]

Fed is fed. :)

My experience has been similar to a lot of people's about not stopping at a year. But we did just gradually cut some nursing out - the way it worked out for us was that I first cut nursing when we were out, and my son learned pretty quickly there that if I said "no, but here's a sippy cup" I meant it. Then we gradually cut most of the day nurses - I can't remember how exactly, except that it really was a handshake with eating. By 18 mos his diet was so normal that it was clear to me that he was able to get what he needs from food and cow's milk (our choice; there are lots of alternatives).

Then my son started to cut the go-to-sleep nurse and here's where I think our natural process was interrupted - I went back to work FT and he was in Montessori and suddenly that "reconnection" time and the comfort of the nurse was huge to him. Plus, honestly, he has had a few colds and things and I've been glad he could get the sucking/liquid in and since we cosleep I could just sleep through it.

So we basically stopped at "nurse in the morning (5 am), nurse at night (7 pm), with the occasional night nurse session or before-nap nurse on weekends."

Now he's 28 mos and seriously I think I am going to wean at least almost all the way over Christmas (when we have the luxury of time together to really find our New Connection Thing) because I, personally, am starting to feel done. It is starting to bug me and we are also starting to have arguments about it. So, time to move on. I was hoping he'd just wake up and wean himself one day, but no, and at this point I'm not sure I can wait. I think he will be ok, although it seems his first choice at this point would be to detach the breast and carry it around, or something. :)

I do think that because he's 2.5 or almost and getting pretty oppositional that it will be in some ways harder than it would have been earlier, but quite honestly, the time in between has been so clearly comforting for him (and easy for me because, hello, lie down, present breast) that it's worth it.

I'm not sure I always hold with the idea that you "must" do things when they are easiest (or seem easiest; sometimes I think kids substitute one behaviour for another and there's no net win) - I think it's okay to do things when you, personally, are ready.

Anyway that's my 2 cents on it.

I was amazed my breasts would DO what they did but they did - they learned to produce milk only for night. Weirdness. :)

Anyways all I can really say out of all that is that you really do what works for you.

I have to add here that I admire American women who pump at work and things. I think that is amazingly tough to do, and I am not at all sure I would have done it. One of the big deals for me about the year's mat leave most (but not all) Canadian women/parents get is that you do have the option to stay on leave for that whole first year, until solids are pretty well established.

[attiton]

All of these comments have spurred me on to post my current favorite breastfeeding dichotomy. Background: my daughter is 6 months old.

"You're not still breastfeeding, are you?" (as asked of me by my OB/GYN last week)

"You're still breastfeeding, aren't you?" (as asked of me by my pediatrician last week)

They get you coming and going, don't they?!

[Maria]

I remember having similar thoughts when my daughter started daycare at a year old. Neither of us were ready to totally wean then, but that was about the time we started sloooowly cutting down, through a combination of giving her drinkable yogurt instead (since she wouldn't take pumped breastmilk once she reached about a yr) and heavy distraction (got rid of the feeding after picking her up from daycare by a full month of playground-until-dinner.) She is now approaching 28 months, and we're down to breastfeeding at night and briefly when she first wakes up.

Sounds like a little saying it that way. Truth is, I also still breast-feed her to nap on the 4 days/wk I'm home with her, though I don't pump for her on daycare days. And I b-f her down when she wakes at night (gasp!), which can be frequently.

Every time she gets sick and wants nothing but nursing, I am so glad that I can still give her that. But I do worry that linking the breastfeeding to sleep for this long is doing her (and me) a disservice, since she can't get to sleep without it. It's tempting to keep those as the last feedings since it's such a reliable way to put her to bed, but if I have another child I'll try to nurse just as long, but to ease out the nursing to sleep earlier, maybe around 18 mos.? Anyway, that's my story! Good luck! There are definitely moments when I wish it could just be over, but I know I'll really miss it when she's ready to move on.

[Jan]

I had a breast reduction a million (OK, 20) years ago and so have (and somewhat expected to have) low milk supply. Which doesn't change the fact that it hurts like hell to go to your baby's two week checkup and find out that you are slowly starving him to death with your EBF attempts.

My favorite resource for low-supply folks is a book put out by bfar.org called Defining Your Own Success. It has great tips on how to maximize your production, but the best part is that it really addresses the psychological impact of not being able to feed your newborn with your own body and really helped me get to a place where I could see the value in the 8 oz per day I was able to provide my babies (I never got higher than that, no matter what, no matter how).

It helps that my pediatrician told me early on that while there are SOME benefits that the baby only gets from exclusive breastfeeding, the VAST MAJORITY of the benefits (immunities, etc) are there whether the baby is getting only a few ounces or 40. He told me that every little bit counted and was great about encouraging me to stick with it as long as I could (sadly, both kids started completely refusing by about 8 months).

As far as people asking about BF, please try to consider that it may very well be that what you're hearing is surprise, rather than judgment. For years women (in this country anyway) were told that breastfeeding was a short-term project and/or that formula was better for babies. Why not just answer, "yes," and give people the benefit of the doubt. If the person asking is over 50, maybe also add, "these days they're recommending breastfeeding forat least a year or two." I think sometimes we're too quick to assume that people are judging and it only divides us, you know?

[Lisa]

Shandra, thanks for that glimpse into the future.

And yes, fed is fed - and each child is different. It's so good to be surrounded by folks who get that here.

Our story: When we started nursing, my goal was to make it to a year and then see how it was going. We were incredibly lucky - no problems other than T's need for round-the-clock-every-1.5-hours until around 4 months, and still *very* often (in comparison to other nursers his age) since then. I have a few theories - I just don't make a lot of milk at once, his metabolism is like mine and he does best w/many small meals a day, the alignment of the stars... who knows? Again, lucky enough to be able to work out of my home office part-time, since he also never took a bottle after 3 months (knocked it across the room and screamed; never went back. sigh.).

He's now 22 months, still demand-nursed, but with restrictions. Started with "no nursing on public transportation" and moved to "not in restaurants" etc. Tiny steps.

As for cutting back, though some days it seemed to take forever, he's just naturally gone more time between nursings - now up to 6 hours in the afternoons and at night. Average is a total of 6 times in 24 hours. Second molars are coming in, so we're planning to night-wean ASAP after that - he finally seems ready... and *HALLELUJAH* has started falling asleep to a backrub post-nursing.

Sorry to go on so long... but I too never thought I'd nurse so long - it's just what worked for us. And I've had days when I wanted to stop RIGHT THEN - like last month when my period returned/supply dropped just as he started an inch-a-month growth spurt and associated sleep wonkiness. Fun times.

But then last night he hugged me and said "Mommy nursing sweet!" - and we woke only once between 8 and 7. I've signed back on for the duration.

[Brooke]

I don't understand what's wrong with being proud that your kid is exclusively breastfed. If we acknowledge that it is hard for a lot of women, then can't we let women who succeed at this hard thing be proud of that accomplishment without reading judgment into it? I am completely and totally thrilled that my daughter only ever got breastmilk (and now gets breastmilk and adult food). But I don't really care what you feed your kid as long as it isn't fruit punch in an open cup in my living room. We have an ant problem.

I think the reason a lot of women don't have enough milk is that they didn't get good support and information early on. If you supplement early on, it's hard to overcome that. And not having enough to pump is another thing entirely because you need oversupply, not just enough supply. In fact, it's pretty impressive how much women *are* able to breastfeed even with all these strikes against them.