Q&A: children of the opposite sex in restrooms

Nikki says:

"I have two boys, one is nearly 4 and the other just 14 months.  I’m wondering at what age they have to start using the men’s public restrooms or locker rooms and how you possibly get up the courage to send them in there alone. Luckily my husband is usually with us when we’re shopping or some other place that the older one might need to go to the bathroom and there aren’t family restrooms.  However, I take my son to his swim class at a time when Daddy can’t go and I can’t imagine sending him into the men’s locker room by himself any time soon!  We already get strange looks and both women and girls moving to other rows to change their clothes.  There is no sign posted about it but I thought I’d seen signs at other places about boys over 5 not welcome in the girls locker room.  I understand the reason for an age cutoff from a girl’s point of view, but the protective mommy point of view is interfering.  Any advice?  Can we only do swim classes when Daddy can go?  And only shop where there are family restrooms?  Help!"

I can't believe people are already giving you strange looks about a child who's still only 3! That just seems so extreme and nonsensical to me.

I don't really know what to do about bringing a child into a public restroom at the middle kid age. (For the record, I don't consider 3 or 4 to be an age at which anyone should be upset about seeing a kid of the opposite sex in a restroom. I do think a 12-year-old can probably go into a public restroom alone, depending on the situation. The years between 4 and 12 are what I mean by "middle kid age" in this case.) My older one is 5 1/2, and I have no plans to stop bringing him into public restrooms with me any time soon. He's allowed to go into the men's room by himself in certain places that are technically public but known to us (church, school, my office, etc.), but in truly public places there's just no way. If anyone gets upset about a 5-year-old in the ladies' room at an airport, I'll invite them to come up with a solution that keeps my son safe and still allows everyone to pee in a closed stall.

I do think locker rooms are a different story. People are out in the open, in full view of each other, changing clothes. So I can understand that people might feel uncomfortable being nude in front of a 6-year-old of the opposite sex (but a 3-year-old?!) or feel it's not right for a child to see an adult of the opposite sex with no clothes on (a bigger problem IMO). But it's the responsibility of the gym or pool to have a family changing room available for this situation. If they allow children to come and swim or exercise, they have to have a family changing room. If they don't, I wouldn't go there, and I'd let them know exactly why. It shouldn't be your responsibility to come up with a male to accompany your child to swim lessons (what about single moms, two-mom families, or families in which the dad has to work when swim lessons are happening?).

The best-case scenario for locker rooms, in my opinion, is 1) having a family changing room easily available, and 2) having the rules clearly posted about what ages of kids of the opposite sex are allowed in the locker rooms. This makes everything clear, so everyone knows what to do and no one feels insulted, offended, vulnerable, or embarrassed.

Experiences? Advice?

Comments

[Me]

Keep your eyes peeled for handicap bathrooms, which are often one-seater restrooms. Although many times they are just incorporated into the regular restroom. And then I'd use the handicap stall.

I know that the Y near where we live has family changing rooms, because the woman at the desk asked me to get changed in there with my 10 MONTH OLD BABY SON!!!!! I was really, really, really mad!

[Christi]

My son just turned eight, and I have no qualms about taking him into the women's restroom with me and my daughter. If my husband's there, my husband will take him to the men's room - it's my son's preference - but if not, he stays with me.

I can see where locker rooms would be a different issue. I think, in that case, I might dress him in swimming clothes prior to going to class. After class, I might have him change in a private stall (if there's an area available away from the open locker room) or in the car or something. But still - I think that my eight-year-old is still enough of a child that he's not going to be ogling girls or women of the opposite sex. If anything, he's at the age where he might feel embarrassed and not want to go in - and I would want to honor that too.

[giddy]

We take swim lessons at the local high school. It's understandable that they don't have a family restroom, since that is not what they were built for. Since I have girls and am the mommy, we haven't directly faced this problem, but I will tell you there are lots of boys in the girls' locker room, and what some have done is to find the most remote part of the locker room, both to get a little of their own privacy, and avoid invading that of others. I talked to one of the moms and her greatest concern was offending the high school swim team members who were teaching the classes, and of course shocking her son if they were to see one of the teachers. But i totally understood her not wanting to send her son in alone through the boys' locker room, and I think most of the other moms in the locker room were equally understanding; it didn't seem like a big deal. (My own daughter, then 6, didn't like it so much, but I explained the issue and pointed out that they were going into a back corner where we couldn't see them and they couldn't see us.) Moms who agree with this point of view, maybe we should all make a point of explaining this loudly to our daughters while in the locker room to help pave a comfortable environment!!!

I suppose an alternative would be for places like this to set up an area for Moms and sons within the girls' locker room and put up a curtain and arrange it in a place to minimize the need to walk through the area of the other sex (there IS a handicapped shower with a curtain that would be usable in our locker room...). The majority of kids who take showers do so with a suit on, so that part of it is less of an issue.

not an easy question.

But as far as actual going to the bathroom? Women have stalls in public restrooms. I see ZERO issue with bringing a son into the women's restroom--even if the son is 20 years old. I think it's MUCH more dicey for dads out with daughters.

[Steph]

I think it's an issue of embarassment and boundaries for everyone concerned. Giddy's point about dads/daughters is a very good one. So far the discussion has focused on moms and sons, but I can't imagine that anyone would be comfortable with a young girl in the men's locker room. In our paranoid society?

My sons are 9 and 10, and I stopped taking them in the lady's rest room the day I sensed they were embarassed to be in there. (My own family background included too much exposure to nudity, so I am probably hypersensitive to this.) If we are in a place where I do not feel completely comfortable, I will stand directly outside the men's room door with the door propped open until they come out. I will open the door to check on them if they take too long. If need be, I will embarass them by coming into the men's room.

[h]

I remember when I was little (3? 6? I don't really remember how old) my dad had to bring me in the men's restroom with him, and another man yelled at ME for being in there.
I haven't really had to deal with this yet, seeing that the lil boy is just turing 1, but when we went to swim classes there were other little boys in the locker room. The locker room had little curtained off areas for dressing tho, so that would really be a non-issue for me, no matter how old they were!

[hedra]

Kids differ, so the ages will differ, IMHO. G hit puberty at 7 years old (actually earlier, but we spotted it at 7, something about the intense fascination with women's beach volleyball and the peach fuzz on the upper lip...). B seems to be taking longer than that (thankfully!). So B will probably continue to go in with me to the women's bathroom for at least another year. I think by 7, with me standing at the door calling in every few minutes to see 'how things are going', I'm reasonably comfortable with them going in solo in most bathrooms. Huge airport/transit hub type ones skeeve me though. I think I'm impervious to funny looks, regardless. Someone once told me that I put out a vibe that says I've never put up with stupid shit, and never will. Not sure how that happened, but it seems to have worked for me.

I am definitely glad for the two boys thing, though. Somehow it feels more comfortable to send in the two brothers together than it does to send in one alone. Even though two boys are sometimes LESS with-it together than they are solo! But they're fiercely protective of each other, and maybe it is that dynamic that makes it seem safer.

Definitely not so easy for the dads with girls thing. Changing table age, probably not too big a deal (the mens rooms around here are often equipped with changing tables), but after that... thank heavens for handicapped bathrooms, and the few family bathrooms we've encountered.

As for locker rooms, the ones I've been to all had curtained changing alcoves, maybe not scads of them, but all I need is one. We also tend to move to a remote spot for our own privacy. And all the ones with joint shower spaces were pool-style with everyone still suited.

[Cathy]

I think I took my step-son into the restroom with me until he was about 8. The few times I let him go into the men's room by himself before that, I ended up having to go into the men's room after him, once an ungodly amount of time passed. He just didn't have the coping skills to deal with ordinary public restroom situations - like checking to see if there was paper before going or what if the stall was messy.

If there's no family changing room at the pool, maybe using the handicapped stall would work. One of our Y's has changing rooms (stalls w/no potty) in the family dressing room. The other one we go to doesn't, not sure what DH would do at that one if he were taking our 4 year old girl.

[cagey]

My gym, which is VERY family oriented, does request that boys over the age of 3 not come in the girls locker room. Which frankly, I agree with - I am not comfortable getting naked in front of older children. I have 2 nephews 6 and 4 - it has been many, many years since I have felt comfortable getting naked in front of them.

However. I have a son myself and cannot see that I will feel comfortable leaving him outside the women's locker room while I get dressed. As early as next year, when he turns 3 (shudders)?

For once, opinionated me does not have a clear vision.

But public restrooms? Different story. In this day and age, my son will probably be going into women's restrooms until he in junior high.

[AmyinMotown]

I am surprised more places don't have family restrooms. Like TARGET, hello, Mom haven???

The Y I went to had a family changing room, and it was GIANT pet peeve of mine when people would bring their kids in the grownup room. Hello, you have an option, use it, I don't want some six year old staring at me.
Since in your case there is not an option, though, maybe ask whoever runs the class to designate a "boys area" and "girls area" or else a "family area" where any combo of genders can go. I know most locker rooms I have been in, there are a couple rows of lockers and you can't see between the rows, so maybe ask them to call one of the the "boys" and one the "girls" part--with the understanding moms with boys or dads with daughters will be welcomed in their child's changing area. As a mom of a daughter, I wouldn't like it if an adult male was in there while she was changing and would HATE for my husband to bring her into the men's locker room, but the "daddy factor" makes the situaition a lot more comfortable if it's the family area.

[Sandy]

Coming from someone with no kids yet, but one on the way - I don't have a problem with it in regular restrooms, though it is nice that more and more places normally have "family" or unisex bathrooms that are private (almost all airports and malls have these).
As for locker rooms, I agree it is different, and I have to say that even at 3, almost 4, I don't think it's appropriate to have opposite sex children in locker rooms. Here is why - even though we all know that rationally, the kid doesn't care and it shouldn't bother us, when little kids see something interesting, they stare. And no matter how rational and understanding you try to be, it SUCKS to get naked with a little boy staring at you! This has happened to me, the boy was only 2 or 3, but in my case my gym had a family locker room and NO children of any age of opposite sex were allowed in the regular ones since the family one was available, and yes, my terrible self went and got a staff member to enforce the rule. If your gym doesn't have a family locker room, I agree it should. Perhaps they could at least designate a row or two of lockers where opposite sex kids are 'OK', and other rows where they are not, so those of us who don't want to expose ourselves to little boys have a little more privacy if we want it.

[Jenn]

Our Y had no family changing room, but did have signs posted on both locker room doors that children over the age of 6 needed to go to the locker room for their sex.

[Maureen]

Hi... don't have much to add but a funny story (sorry, couldn't resist). We took our twin 2 1/2 boys to a swim school each Saturday. My husband would take one boy in with him and I'd take the other in with me. Most days, we were ready before class so there wasn't much to the locker room except for dropping off our bags. When class was over, though, we'd have to change in the locker room. The last time we went, my one twin, was fascinated with the bodies... he just kept saying (in a typical not quiet toddler voice) - "nudie, Mommy, nudie" (as in the other people are nudie) or "Butt, butt..." Most of the women were very kind about it all though and I really couldn't blame my son as everyone was nude and there were lots of butt, butts.

I personally say keep bringing them in the room with you until they are 4 or 5. That still seems like such a young innocent age.

[Lily]

I have to say - I think its an emotional cutoff for the kid himself. I have changed in many "family-gym" locker rooms, and as long as the boy is playing with his car, or talking to mommy, that's certainly fine.

I do remember, however, a child who must have been 5 or 6 (which I ordinarily wouldn't mind), staring, pointing and peeking around corners to see the women changing. Frankly, it was creepy! Once your child can articulate or act on curiousity in that way, it gets very odd. I would hope that, absent a good logistical solution, Mommy might school him to read his book, color, or sit quietly while in the locker room.

[Sarah]

As I know have a 6 year old and that's roughly the cut off at our gym, I am thinking about this too. I don't really get the fear of nudity in front of the opposite sex 4 year old boy--my daughter at 4 was just as likely to point our boobs and butts as my son at 3. I like that our gym went the other way--they let you pay extra to have an adults only locker room. It has towel service and private lockers, nicer showers, a lounge, bagels. It was heavenly and the no kids thing was nice too. I think it has cut down on the complaining.

They also added 2 family locker rooms--but they are far away from the regular locker room so if you are done in the pool and want to dry off and those are busy you are out of luck. So not fun with wet cold children.

I still send my 6 year old daughter into the men's room with my husband as needed. It doesn't happen as much anymore, but ti has never been a problem. We have encouraged her (and my son) to be discreet in any bathroom--no pointing, no chatting, no yelling.

[stacy]

I took my son (who was 6 months) for swimming lessons at the Y this summer.

They had signs up ALL OVER THE PLACE asking parents to bring opposite sex children into the "family locker rooms." Fine. Great, in fact. Except that my Y's definition of a "family locker room" is basically one toilet, one showerhead, and a changing table behind a door.

They had two of these tiny rooms - obviously designed to only hold one family at a time. If you've ever done swim lessons at the Y, you know that all the lessons start (and often end) at the same time. How in the world do they expect every parent with an opposite sex kid to be able to use this very limited space?

Since my son was just a baby, I ignored the signs. As did most mothers, I found out - the locker room was full of kids, some a little older than I was comfortable with. But who could blame these moms? At an organization like the Y, they should know better.

The ideal would be to give everyone his/her own individual changing booth or stall. If that's not practical and you can't go back in time and build a true family locker room, I'm all for curtaining off a "family area" in *both* the men's and women's locker rooms.

[Lucky]

Our Y doesn't have a family changing room. There are signs posted on both locker rooms that children over the age of 5 need to go to the locker room for their gender. When my husbad takes our 5-year-old daughter to swim lessons, he dresses her in her suit at home and then sends her into the women's locker room where she takes off her clothes and puts them in her bag. She asks a mom for help with the shower and meets her dad on the pool side (you have to go through the locker rooms to get to the pool). After class he just dries her enough to put her clothes back on and sends her through the locker room already dressed and meets her on the other side and she bathes at home. It works fine. I think she likes feeling like a big, independant kid. Our Y is very community / family oriented. I think it is great that she can ask other moms for help.

[Amy]

I'm with you, Moxie, sometimes I send my 7 y.o. to the men's room alone, but only in known places (and I always give him "the talk" before I let him go in), but when we are out and about, he usually comes in with me. No one has ever given him a strange look. At our Y, boys are banned from the female locker room at 3, I think. But they provide a family restroom. The problem with this is that there is ONE family restroom and, during the summer, a gazillion families with "middle kid" boys waiting to use it.

And while we're on the subject of family restrooms... can I tell you how many times I've seen men standing in line for the "family restroom" at our local stadium? Not men with babies, or little girls... nope. Just men. Whom I guess want some privacy after a morning of heavy beer drinking and greasy food eating. It makes me irate to see families with kids standing in line waiting while some guy relieves his bowels in the family bathroom!!!!

[pnuts mama]

hmm...well i think i have a bit of different take on this, probably based on my personal experiences and definitely b/c of the information i had to learn about child abuse and the predatory habits of pedophiles. also, i was an art student and figure model in college (best paying job on campus!), and it really doesn't bother me to be nude in front of strangers of any age as long as it is in an appropriate environment, and i hope i teach my child(ren) that as well.

we go to the Y and i just read in our manual that until age 7 a kid can be in either locker room- then in the one of their own gender. i'm sure i've seen older boys in our locker room, and i've never heard anyone complain. we have some private shower stalls and handicapped changing stalls (required by the Adults with Disabilities Act) that i suppose if anyone were that uncomfortable with they could use for some privacy. we also have plenty of dads of little girls in the classes i've been in, and of course they bring their daughters through the mens locker room- what else can they do? if my child isn't allowed to be in any area of the building under the age of ten (in the manual), then i would extend that to the locker rooms as well.

if i am still taking my child to swimming classes at age seven (those classes are kids only in the pool, moms sit on the benches), i guess i would have to be sure that the kids were being supervised in the locker room by the instructors, or i'd just bring them through the women's locker room to the pool and out again myself to the bathroom to change. we don't have "family locker rooms" that connect, so that's not an option. i imagine the only other thing i would consider would be to have my child be with a friend's dad in the other locker room, but even that gives me a serious feeling of un-ease. there is a reason why our churches have adopted the policy of "no youth allowed in any room with a closed door". i know i sound like a paranoid crazy-person, but, the facts about child molestation are scary.

i'm sorry, i don't mean to be an insensitive ass, but someone's discomfort over a kid looking at them in no way gets priority over my child's safety, not even for a minute. that's your issue to deal with, not my kid's. i would certainly respect anyone's privacy, and bring my child into the most private area if asked, and try and teach them age-appropriate behavior when in that situation. but if anyone has a real problem with me having my 7/8/9 year old with me for the ten minutes or so it takes to get ready then i would be happy to explain (with statistics and examples) to them how pedophiles target solitary children in places like public bathrooms (even and especially at churches and schools) and locker rooms, and if they still have a problem with it, speak to the Y administrator and executive board.

i guess what i am saying is, perhaps as parents and people we need to let go of some of the feeling of being uncomfortable being briefly and appropriately nude in front of children while teaching them what is and what is not appropriate for adults and children to do with their bodies. really, the result of having our kids near us and not alone in public would be that all of our children are being protected.

[Anne]

we're a surfing family and while going into restrooms/changing rooms hasn't been an issue yet with my son (just turned 2) we did have to deal with it a bit with my step-daughter. Granted it's a lot warmer here in Hawaii so we don't have issues like - need to change out of wet swim suits b/c it's cold and so we could always just wrap a towel around her and jump in the car. That being said we're all adept at changing in our towels on the side or the road/in the parking lot/where ever without letting anyone see a thing (for moms this entails having 2 suits - tie the dry top over the wet one off, switch the bottoms under the towel - nothing to see here). For cooler parts of the world where surfers need to wear (and get out of) cumbersome wetsuits (often on the side of the road or in the parking lot) I've seen hooded terry extra long poncho things - could that be an option? Granted it doesn't help a mom out who needs to change but it could work really well for a child.

[Anne]

Amen pnuts mama! Maybe if we all were able to teach our children about appropriate nudity and how to behave this idea of feeling uncomfortable b/c we need to safeguard our children would be a non-issue.

[rebecca]

Only got 2/3 of the way through the comments, but what about being stared at by a 5 year old girl who wants to comment on your nudity? I don't really see that as different than a boy.

Little man is only 7 months, so we've got a ways to go before I have to make decisions about this. The conversation is good though.

[Carmen]

I only have a 7 month old so, as with everything I've come across as a parent, I tend to have a different perspective on it as a parent than I did when i wasn't a parent. That being said, I do remember being in a public restroom and having a boy stand at my door and peak in at me. Creeped me out. he looked about 5 or 6 BUT now that I have my own kid I realize that he could have been much younger and just looked older. My son is the size of a one year old so I'm SURE I'll run into this issue eventually myself. (sigh) No answer here, just more questions.

Of course to a parent everything their kid does (myself included) seems normal and natural but to another person it may seem intrusive and weird. Just keep that in mind while you're in a bathroom or changing room with your child and you'll probably head off any problems before they happen(like where was mom when little boy was peering at me through the crack in the stalls? Maybe she had a little #2 to take care of herself BUT it would have been nice if she had kept her son nearer to her...)

[cn]

For me, I would rather you bring them into the women's room and feel safe.

It scares the bejeezes out of me to fathom sending my child into a men's room alone at anything less than 5th grade (maybe 4th grade).

Teach them manners and proper behavior and you're cool with me until you feel safe about it.

You might also look for "family bathrooms." I know that Nordstroms has these.

[Kathy]

I believe this is also a problem for people with disabled family members who need help using the restroom, and for people who don't fit gender norms. (There was a big to-do in NY this summer over a woman getting thrown out of a restaurant for looking like a man while using the women's restroom. She wasn't transgendered, just butch.)

Of course, we're all here at Ask Moxie because we have/are interested in kids, but it's worth noting that family restrooms & locker rooms can be a godsend for people in other situations, as well. I wish that they were more plentiful and nicer!

[Jess]

If I showed this discussion to my German relatives, they would be baffled. In Germany every pool has an open family area for changing and most have private changing cabins as well-- i.e. if you want privacy for yourself you can have it, but the rule is that the whole family, Mom, Dad and the kids are all changing together in a more or less open locker area. No one would ever think of sending a young kid off to change by themselves because of gender--they would view it as dangerous and unnecessary. It's no big deal there for little kids to be totally naked in and around the pool (or in the yard at home) and girls not to wear tops at the pool until, well, until they actually have something to cover. My little cousins in Germany, who I've taken to the pool many times, are very comfortable with nudity (their own and others) and don't stare or make comments in the changing room (or wherever) because it's old hat to them. (My son is only 7 mos., but he'll be getting the same nudie training in the summers.) Of course, like much of Europe, Germany is also a country where adults don't think twice about sitting naked in a (co-ed or single sex)sauna together-- in fact, they think it's totally weird to wear bathing suits in the sauna. So, granted, you've got a whole different ball game over there.

In contrast, we in the US seem hardpressed to experience nudity as anything but sexual-- even when babies or kids are involved. Personally, if a 6 year old boy stared at me changing I would just assume he was innocently curious-- of course children want to know what naked bodies look like. Isn't kind of, well, perverse to attach something sexual to that? I don't think this is disconnected from the fact that our society sexualizes kids in so many other subtle and not-so-subtle ways: toddler beauty queens wearing makeup, padded bras and thongs for 7 year olds, "boob man" t-shirts for baby boys, sexy clothes for young girls, making it unacceptable for little boys to hold hands after a certain age, etc.

For the record, I was raised in the US, in the south, and absorbed a lot of my peers' prudery...but I got over it. I'm no nudist, but I'm definitely comfortable in the aforementioned common changing areas when I'm vacation in Germany. And I'll say this: going to a sauna in Germany will (1) make you feel better about your own body than you ever thought possible, as absolutely no one there with you looks remotely like an airbrushed supermodel and (2) helps you get over the shame we attach to nudity in this country. Personally, I think nude group saunas for everyone would resolve a whole lot of body/self-esteem issues! But it probably wouldn't work here because 90% of folks would be either embarrassed or leering. Too bad-- it doesn't have to be that way, really!

I'm not trying to offend, just offering a different perspective.

[karla]

I once took my two 6-year old nephews, and my 13-year old nephew with Down Syndrome to a movie. They all had to go to the bathroom. I would have easily taken my younger nephews with me to the ladies room, but wasn't sure what to do with my older nephew. I didn't want to leave him alone to wait outside. (He may have wandered and gotten lost).
So, instead of taking them all into the ladies room, I had all three go into the men's room together. I told the 6-year olds to make sure to remind my special needs nephew to wash his hands, and then direct him to the exit door. Two minutes later, the younger nephews both come out, laughing hysterically, and tell me in between breaths, that my older nephew has pulled his pants to his ankles, and is peeing in the urinals.
What would have been worse? To take him into the STALLED women's bathroom, where I could help him into a stall and out again or where every guy in the men's bathroom gets to see my nephew naked from the waist down.
I will be less worried about offending the ladies next time, and work towards protecting my nephew's dignity.

[sue]

"I am surprised more places don't have family restrooms. Like TARGET, hello, Mom haven???"

Our Target has a somewhat hidden very large single-seater bathroom next to the pharmacy. Check to see if maybe yours does too - that's the one we ALWAYS go to - mainly because the baby is terrified of the loud hand dryers in the big restroom. There's no changing table in there, but lots of floor space.

I have a 3yo daughter who often requests to go to the "daddy potty" fortunately, my husband has a good head on his shoulders and heads to the handicapped or family restrooms whenever possible. yikes, though.

oh, and i see no problem with taking a little boy to the bathroom or changing room with you. our family is pretty lax with the nudity thing, so maybe I'm overly insensitive about the whole nudity in front of kids thing, but I just don't see the big deal, and would much prefer to have a little boy in the changing room than on his own in the mens lockers room (double yikes!) Fortunately, my son is too young to worry about this yet, but since I live in a town where people routinely dress their 5yo boys in dresses and let them have long hair, it shouldn't be much of an issue in my life (i hope)

[Caroline]

I read a few years back that the reason we're starting to see "Family" restrooms these days is that there was a horrifying event where a boy was killed in a men's room while his aunt waited just outside the door. It was ages ago, and I don't remember where I read it, but I remember it being from a non-BS source.

So I'm with Pnut's Mama. The hell with anybody's embarrassment, the kids need to be safe.

Kids to embarrassing, ridiculous things All the time, not just in situations where somebody might be naked. So we try to figure out how best to handle it. Same deal in the bathroom.

In the meanwhile, we ask for more family restrooms.

[Mommyprof]

We'd try to avoid the situation by coming ready to swim and bringing a warm enough cover-up to go home (sometimes a bathrobe with a hood).

I let my oldest daughter go into the men's room with husband until she was 6, just to avoid 1/2 in line at some places. When a preschooler has to go, she has to go. He would cover her eyes until they were in the stall and then again on the way out, and we'd use hand sanitizer.

[Megan]

Our gym has very nice family changing rooms, as well as private rooms for anyone too prude, I mean, private to change in front of other people. I've seen lots of little boys in our locker room (probably up to age 6 or so), and it didn't bother me at all.

I do have a funny story, though. I was trying on clothes in a department store, and suddenly saw a little boy aged 3 or 4 crawling under the door to look at me. (I was pretty much naked.) Turns out he was crawling to each stall to look at everyone. Not sure where his mom was, but she sure should have kept a better eye on him, LOL.

I agree that our society is sooo over-sensitive with nudity. We let our 21-month-old son go naked as much as possible, even on the beach (after he's had his morning poop, of course), and have gotten strange looks from some people. Come on! They're babies. Sheesh.

[-erica]

My older son is tall and I always had the problem that he usually appeared about a year older than he actually was, so I was always very aware of bringing him into the ladies bathroom, even when he was young and oblivious. Now he is 8 almost 9, and for a while now, I have been letting him go into the men's room, but I stand directly outside with my hands on my hips and sort of glare at men as they go in and out. My goal is to let any potential creeps know that a mom is on guard. Is this going to stop everything from happening? No, something could still happen. But it is my way of doing the best I can in imperfect situation. And, I do have a 6 year old son also, so now that they go together, as mentioned in previous comments, I hope having them buddied up is a creep deterrent.

[Phillip]

I really do not see the problem, I have never understood why we have to segregate public restrooms in the first place? I mean if everyone has a seperate cubical to do their thing, Whats the problem?

The same applies for locker rooms, to be honest, I do not exactly feel comfortable getting naked infront of somebody the same sex as me anyway.

Am I really the only person that thinks this?

[jill]

after an incident 2 weeks ago where another woman complained that i brought my 5 year old son into the locker room at our local high school's "family swim", i was told the following week by the pool manager that the cutoff age is 5 years old. i could change him in the pool's office, or walk him upstairs to a bathroom with no lockers, but he would have no where to shower. keep in mind i also have my 4 year old daughter with me. how convienent to walk 2 cold, wet kids through the school with no warm shower at the end.

now, at least they attempted to make some provisions, but seriously. he's 5. he was scared to go into the men's room by himself, not to mention he could barely open the door to walk through, and he can't even reach the showers.

what is the world coming to? seriously. shouldn't we be more worried about sending a little boy into a locker room alone? until i feel comfortable doing so, i won't. it was so much work i'm afraid our wednesday night swimming time with mommy is finished. i'm not sure if i just drop the subject altogether or try to bring up the issue to the school. i'm upset and so is my son. he knows he can't go in there anymore, but doesn't get what the big deal is. neither do i

[John]

I can tell you, it upsets me when I am in the men's rest room, and in comes "daddy" with his little girl. I am standing at the urinal, and he sets her down and lets her wander around while he takes a leak.

The next thing I know, she is standing right by me staring at my manhood while I am trying to urinate.

Then I go out of the restroom, and back to my restaurant table, and out comes the same daddy with the girl and rejoin mommy at the table!!!

Is there anything wrong with "mommy" taking her daughter to the female restroom instead of "daddy" doing it??

[Karen]

I have a 6 yr old son that has a speech delay and personally I feel that he is to young to go to a mens bathroom on his own. I still bring him into the bathroom with me for the simple fact that with all the craziness that you hear about child molesters you never know if you send your child by himself there might be a pervert that will end up touching your child and you won't even know! I do try to just hurry to the last stale and make sure he stays put.