Book Review: Mama Knows Breast

To The Parents of New York City: Please do not write your child's name in big black letters on the outside of his backpack so everyone who sees him knows his name. Writing his first name and your cell number on the inside of the backpack is sufficient. Thank you.

Today's post is a book review of the book Mama Knows Breast by Andi Silverman.

This book is cute. Really cute. The graphic design and packaging of the book are irresistible, and it's the perfect size to read one-handed. The writing is breezy and in list form, so you can read little chunks at a time when you get the chance, or sit and read the whole thing in an hour or two. The tone strikes a nice balance between confidential and factual, and she covers some situations other breastfeeding books haven't covered (the etiquette of nursing in different kinds of public places, for example, and "sex and relaxation").

But I think the subtitle of the book, "A Beginner's Guide to Breastfeeding," is kind of a stretch. It's got a lot of lists and helpful tips, but it doesn't really dig into the meat of what could go wrong, what you should do to help things not go wrong, or how to get back on track if things are going wrong. It doesn't cover the emotional aspects of breastfeeding, or what to do if you think you aren't producing enough milk, or your baby's cluster feeding, or all those extremely common things that can make women feel like big failures at feeding their children. Instead of a true guide, it seems to be an introduction to several topics in breastfeeding for women who know nothing about it and haven't had any friends who did it.

And that's fine. There's a huge segment of the population who gets pregnant without ever having taken care of a baby. In our culture not many of us grew up watching anyone nurse a baby. How many of us even knew that the milk comes out of a bunch of little holes in each nipple? There are all sorts of things we don't know that someone needs to tell us, without freaking us out or making us feel bad for not knowing it. And I think that's the strength of Mama Knows Breast. It's a funny, gentle, hip-looking introduction to some basic concepts of breastfeeding.

I do, of course, have a beef with one section, which is the part that says that "many babies can sleep through the night by the time they are three months old." Ha. Haha. Hahahahahahahahaha. See: yesterday's post. OK, yes, some babies can sleep through at three months, but "many"? I think that's a stretch, and by saying it she's going to make moms whose babies don't feel like freaks. Plus, even the hard-core CIO pushers don't want people to start sleep training until four months. I think that little section was a misfire, and I would have ignored it except that sleep is such a huge hot-button for our generation that I worry that one paragraph is going to make women feel bad. Which is clearly the opposite of the author's intention.

But otherwise I liked the book as a gentle intro to breastfeeding for someone who hasn't thought about it before, or who really isn't sure she's going to try it or not. It humanizes breastfeeding in a nice way that doesn't make you feel like an ogre for not being super-committed or knowledgeable about it. But it's not going to be enough for women who have anything but the simplest nursing experience. Most of us are going to need more resources, in book form (The Nursing Mother's Companion by Kathleen Huggins is extremely factual and covers a zillion scenarios, while So That's What They're For by Janet Tamaro has a bunch of actual information but also humor and commiseration) and on the internet (kellymom.com) and in real life (an IBCLC lactation consultant, La Leche League meetings, breastfeeding support groups run by hospitals and women's centers, or even just another mom you see nursing at the bookstore).

I'd get this book for your friend who hasn't really thought about much past the delivery, because it's cute and inviting and a quick read, and will get her from zero knowledge to some knowledge fast. But it would be an even better gift if you'd look up the number of a IBCLC lactation consultant in her area and write it inside the cover of the book before you give it to her.

Comments

[Andi]

Andi, the author, here...
I live in NYC, and am staring out the window right now at a big school where lots of kids lug around back packs with their names in indelible marker on the outside. Spot on advice.

Thanks so much for reviewing my book. I want to say right off, that I agree with your comment about that paragraph about sleep. I never intended to suggest that kids should be sleeping through the night by a certain age, or that "sleep training" should start at a certain age. I must have been so tired when I wrote and edited that part that I missed how the grammar seemed to imply that. I'm hoping the publisher will give me a chance to make some edits if we get to a second printing.

I am positively obsessed with our lack of sleep, so the last thing I wanted to do was make someone feel bad.

If anyone has any other questions for me, I'd be happy to answer them. Fire away!
Andi

[Ally]

I just looked at the excerpt on Amazon and I like that benefits to the mother are listed right under benefits to baby. I breastfed because it was my norm and best for my baby, and free. But I breastfed for 2 years because it was good for ME.

[Carmen]

Giving a pregnant person a breastfeeding book is something that I would have never thought of but I wish someone would have thought of it for me! I just assumed that if you want to breastfeed you can and even though I had zero probs getting the big boy to nurse, I have several friends whose children were so sleepy and lethargic at birth and for weeks beyond that they had a TON of trouble getting baby to latch, nurse, gain weight, etc.

All for the idea of exposing preggos to the idea of nursing. Shortly before I had the big boy I was visiting my husband's friend and his wife who had a 10-wk old baby girl. After talking with the mother for awhile she offered to let me watch her nurse. She took of her shirt and just let me hang out in the room while she nursed and rocked her daughter. I was so stunned that a woman that I barely knew would be able to just rip her shirt off, bare all and chat with me for 30 min or more while letting her daughter nurse. I had NEVER seen a woman breastfeeding... I mean NEVER... not even covered with a blanket or anything. Looking back, I know my aunt breastfed but I never saw her do it. My point here is that any exposure that pregnant women can get is fabulous. I never really thought about going to a LLL meeting until after having the baby. And let me just admit to everyone for a moment that after seeing this woman breastfeed I actually remember feeling (please forgive me) a little grossed out. I mean it seemed so primal and animalistic and REAL that it kinda wigged me out a little. Of course it never felt that way to me when I stated nursing and I am constantly surprised my how much I enjoy my nursing relationship with my son and how much I know I will miss it when it's over.

Anywho, gotsta go... my pump break is winding to a close... been pumping dry for a few minutes now so I better get back to work:)

[jesse]

I loved Carmen's post, since it reminds me how I am a little shocked when I see a little (or big!) pink nipple pop out of my BF'ing friend's shirt, while at the same time I sit around with my husband's immediate family and certainly all my family and friends with by breast out ALL the time, with my gangly 22 month old attached! The beauty is, we all get used to it, it normalizes the action, and paves the way for others to feel they can too. Plus, you get to feel so clever and sophisticated when you figure out how to nurse discreetly anywhere in public. And there is nothing better than staring into her eyes while nursing, even now. I am planning child-led weaning, just so I don't ever have to actually know, and say to myself, this is the LAST time we will do this...

[Elizabeth]

When I was pregnant someone gave me The Nursing Mother's Companion, a tube of Lansinoh, and a box of Lansinoh's nursing pads. It was the best baby gift ever, even if there wasn't a lot of cooing when I opened it. And I have totally stolen the idea since then.

[pnuts mama]

i also had a nursing friend who gave me "mama's real-life survival kit" at my shower and i have reciprocated in kind, especially w/ the friends who are having their first babies. i was given the dr sears nursing book, but i think NMC is much better.

besides lanolin and disposable pads and the book i also include a giant package of super maxi pads and hemmeroid cream and tucks pads, and that numbing cream for your 'area' and the squirty bottle (i took a ton of both from the hospital and share them with only my closest friends). also a cloth headband for delivery day (keeps the hair off your face) and those disposable toothbrush finger cots and lollipops.

you can't imagine some of the looks i've received, even when i give that gift in private, (mostly sheer horror), but seriously? mama's need to know what is going to happen afterwards, from someone who cares. most of them make sure to tell me how great that little package was well after the baby is born, way better than another cute onesie or stuffed animal.

[Andi]

Add to that present some of those disposable meshy underwear!

[cagey]

I recently read this book just after giving birth to my 2nd child. I felt it gave an honest portrayal of the difficulties in the beginning. I also do not think the author intended the book to be an "end all, be all" reference and she does provide an extensive list of additional resources.

Per my quick Amazon searches, there simply aren't many fun, positive books regarding breastfeeding. Who wants to read a textbook if they don't have to? I'd rather have a friend holding my hand - and this book does just that by walking you through it in a reassuring and comforting manner.

I think this would be a thoughtful, unique gift for a mother planning to breastfeed, regardless if she is experienced or not.

I can see where the statement about "many children" sleeping through the night by 3 months can be taken wrong, but honestly, the entire voice of the book is so friendly and earnest, I did not take offense. Besides, both my 12 week old daughter AND my 23 month old have issues sleeping through the night. :-)

[AmyinMotown]

Seconding the love for The Nursing Mother's Companion. I had an old version from the library with hilarious hippie photos and still loved it. Got me through the first two hellish weeks. HATED "So That's What They're For"-- a few times she "humorously" referred to formula as being fatal. She kinda lost me there. I don't find polemics disguised as humor too funny.

I would also take issue with your beef about sleep, although I think your point is wel taken. I was kind of the converse---I had gotten the idea (probably from my horrible breastfeeding class) that breastfed babies didn't sleep through the night until much, much later. That if I wanted to breastfeed (which I did) I would have to committ to months on end of interrupted sleep, and if I wanted to sleep I'd have to give a formula bottle at bedtime (that, I know, came from my SIL). Imagine my joy when talking to a neighbor who had a baby five months to the day before Maggie was born who told me her son, who was exclusively breastfed, was sleeping through the night (I think he was eight weeks or so then). I honestly didn't even know that was possible. It made me feel so much better about breastfeeding and so much more likely to do it. And Maggie slept through the night, or at least for long enough to make me feel human, at six weeks. Sheer glorious luck, but it does happen.

[Shannon]

This is not meant to bash the author for her sleep comment, because I think she politely explained herself very well. But this book is not the only source where I've heard the "most babies sleep through the night by 3 months" thing. Recently in a doctor's office, I picked up a pamphlet about baby care. It was designed for pregnant women, and my kid is 7 months old, but I figured maybe I could pick up a few tips. Well, in the section on sleep, it said something like, "Don't worry, 90% of babies sleep through the night by 2 months of age." Now, I understand that this book is designed to make anxious pregnant women feel better. But if 90% of babies are sleeping through the night by 2 months, then every single baby I know (including my own) must be in that other 10%. So I wonder, where does a statistic like that come from?

Partially I think the problem is that "through the night" is defined as at least 6 hours. Well, when your baby goes to bed at 7:30 and wakes up for a feeding at 1:30, does that really seem like he slept through the night? (Especially when the baby isn't likely to sleep another 6-hour chunk before the next feeding, which means you'll be getting up another time before the night is through.) So, I'm wondering, do they get the 90% statistic by asking parents if their kid has EVER slept at least 6 hours straight? And do they ask people whose kids are exactly 2 months old, or do they ask people whose kids are like a year old if their kid has consistenly slept "through the night" since 2 months old? Because, as yesterday's topic illustrated, there are very few kids who just start sleeping through the night one day and then never regress.

[Nutmeg]

I can see where hearing that a breastfed baby CAN Sleep through the night at 3 months would be reassuring.

But I also totally agree with Moxie... because I have a 9.5 month old (almost 10 months!!!!!) who woke up last night at 10pm, 2 am, 4 am and 6 am. I don't nurse him at night unless he's inconsolable or I think maybe he doesn't feel well.... but honestly two things go on when you have a baby who's almost a year old and he wakes up three times at night. First... FAILURE. I know intellectually that he a great kid and I am a great mom and I'm just doing my best over here. But somewhere I feel like I just can't get him to sleep and that's my fault. It's not like I can sleep through the night at 30, so why should I think he could do it.

Second. At 10 months, people stop cutting you slack at work etc for not getting enough sleep. They expect that your kid is all normal and takes two long naps and sleeps from 7:30-6:30. So when you slept through your alarm, didn't take a shower and forgot to brush your teeth and your socks don't match (or your shoes). People kind of just think you are nuts.

Oh well. I am going to look at this book for the many friends who are going to be having babies and have no friends other than me who nursed babies.

[caramama]

I'm really excited about this book and the idea of giving it as a shower gift (with other breastfeeding/new mother gear) for new mothers. What a great idea! I also like the idea of letting pregnant women (or women in general) hang out with me while I breastfeed the Pumpkin. Thanks everyone!

Until I saw my sister go through serious breastfeeding issues, no one told me how hard it could be! Latching worries, thrush treatments I had to explain to my doctor, engorgement issues when she did actually sleep through the night (ah, those were the days), figuring out how to pump... None of it was easy. But for us, it's been so worth it!!

[Melanie]

Ummm. I live in NYC and I don't get the thing about not writing your kids names on their backpacks. What's the big secret? Does no one hear me yelling my kids name at the playground? Or hear them talking to each other? I take my kids all over Manhattan. We ride the subways, we go to everywhere. There are a lot of scary things in NYC, (like the schitzo guy doing the thorzine shuffle on the subway platform...)

Why would I be particularly afraid of someone knowing my kids' first names?

[shirky]

melanie, if someone knows your name, you are obligated to spin their straw into gold without compensation.