The cats are here! A 6-month-old black boy named Alex Rodriguez and a 3 1/2-month-old calico girl named Princess Blossom Pepperdoodle Von Yum-Yum. Alex is a big sweet love and Blossom is a crazy wild girl. (I vetoed the first two name choices: Base and Ball, and Big Six and Cutebomb.) My younger son calls them B'ossom! and Awex! It's almost too cute for me to process.
But on to a question from Meghan, mother of a 2 1/2-year-old who is the example whenever I say "unless your child has a metabolic disorder..." A few weeks ago she got the happy surprise that she was pregnant. Then she went in for the ultrasound:
"Triplets!?! How am I going to do it? Is Cole (now 2.5) going to need years of therapy for being neglected? What about my career? My marriage? My body? Their tiny bodies? I definitely need a pep talk from parents who have been there with more than one."
I emailed her back something that basically said, "Holy shit." 'Cause, yeah, holy shit. She replied:
"I know, right? Spontaneous triplets, I have learned, are less than 10% of triplets, which are also only 15% of multiples."
So she needs help from moms of triplets and twins about dealing with multiples. Special advice about dealing with triplets and an older child with special needs (the metabolic disorder) appreciated. She's also worried that her pregnancy will be even higher-risk because of her son's disorder and his low birth weight.
Both practical suggestions and it's-gonna-be-all-rights welcome. All I know is that triplet mom Jody recommends Karen Gromada's Mothering Multiples as the go-to book for triplets.
My grandmother gave birth to spontaneous triplets back in 1960. They were the only ones ever recorded born in her county. The babies had their picture in the local paper every birthday until they went off to college.
The scary part was that she had no idea she was going to have triplets until they came out of her body. She thought she was having twins, which were a surprise in and of themselves.
My grandparents had given away their baby bed because they already had three children and they were "done." Talk about a shocker. Surprise! You'll be needing a school bus!
Anyway, they were poor farmers who had several generations living in one house. If my great-grandfather had not been living there, she says she wouldn't have been able to do it. Incidentally, this being necessary kept my g-grandfather alive for another ten years, she believes. He had sort of given up on life since he was too ill to farm anymore.
She had to tend to the business of the farm (milk cows, tend garden, etc.) and the house (cook, clean, etc.) It was already an astounding amount of hard physical labor and suddenly she had three tiny babies in November in a house with no central anything. Yeah, so older siblings, one of whom was a teenager, aunts and the great-grandfather helped out a lot. On the other hand, it wasn't perfect and there were some areas that went neglected. To my dad's delight-- he was nine at the time--I think he went practically feral. But he did chip in a lot eventually and was the designated "minder" of the triplets as they got older.
I would say the best advice would be don't be afraid to ask for help. Start getting friends, relatives, retired neighbors, church members, etc., geared up for diaper duty. Have a teenager come over and play with the 2.5 year old every afternoon. Start banking meals NOW for the first month or so until you get a system down. It will take organization and lots of help, but it can be done. And you and they will survive. Just maybe a little catatonic on your end until they reach puberty.
Congratulations and GOOD LUCK!
PS. I can't help but think of Raising Arizona "But they got more babies than they can handle!"
Posted by: Rachel | September 26, 2007 at 08:48 AM
Ditto the book recommendation.
Triplets are a scary prospect, indeed. HOWEVER, it is possible to do it well. My coworker's wife went to something over 34 weeks with hers, and they were all in the 5 lb range, went home in a couple weeks (the only real issues being typical preemie issues, NOT uber-scary scenarios), and despite a nice case of reflux in one, they are all three good sleepers (YAY!), good eaters, and healthy (IIRC, the boy was almost 6 lbs at birth). The mom is back at work, so her career didn't stop, and while there are still challenges being a multiples mom, they're working them out.
If she's at all an 'alterna-mommy' type, I highly recommend joining the apmultiples group at yahoo groups. Karen Gromada (of the book recommendation) 'hangs out' there. Triplet Connection has also been recommended, though it is more broad-ranging and less aimed at the more attachment-parenting types in particular. There are several triplet mommies on the apmultiples list who are always there to help those who are coming in new with a triplet pregnancy. And there are several moms with many kids, including sometimes some with more than one set of multiples, so you can also learn a lot about how to make sure they all get what they need.
As for the older child needing therapy for neglect? I will bet she won't let that happen. What that will mean is HELP. Lots of help is needed, even with twins. Find it, buy it, rent it, whatever you need to do to get help on a daily basis.
My few main points for multiples pregnancy:
1) Omega-3's like crazy. Add in O-3 eggs to your diet, take fish oil (enteric coated is probably a MUST due to the higher rate of reflux for mommy), eat salmon, any way you can get it, get it. Dr. Luke (her book is another standard reference, though is very medical and a bit on the SCARY side, IMHO) is a specialist in multiples, and in nutrition, and her studies have shown that just adding O-3 eggs to the diet extends gestation by ~6 days. And every day COUNTS. There is research now underway to determine if O-3's actually suppress prostaglandins, preventing labor from starting prematurely. I know at least one mom who had to stop taking her fish oil before labor would start (multiples, full term).
My second recommendation is hypnotherapy. Yes, you're almost guaranteed to have a c-section. But hypnobirthing/hypnotherapy can make a serious dent in the discomfort that is a standard part of a multiples pregnancy. It will also tend to reduce your meds needs during/post-op, and increase the rate of healing, reduce recovery time, reduce side effects, etc. (Harvard Medical School recommends it for ALL surgical procedures, period.) I was able to stay mobile and reasonably comfortable to 38 w 3 d with twins, 57 inches around, 60 lbs gained, 14 lbs of babies, using hypnotherapy (daily). You might not get that same degree of benefit, but ANY benefit is significant with multiples.
Third note. This is a tip by way of my DH's cousin, and it was one of the more useful ones. Be CONSERVATIVE with yourself. For everything, if you cannot say 'this is really conservative', you're doing too much. You will have to slow down more than you think. You will have no 'extra' and no reserves, it will all be going to the pregnancy (and lactation, and yes, you may be able to breastfeed them all). But if you start from the conservative end, you can actually make things work, and work relatively well. Bedrest may be recommended, but it also may not be. (My coworker's wife was on 'reduced activity' - rest, move, rest, move, but not BED rest in the typical sense.)
Last note: Your support staff are important. Find the best OB you can find, someone who is evidence-based, works with your individual case instead of doing default practice, and has a good reputation with the perinatologists. See if you can find a perinatologist (Maternal/Fetal Medicine specialist) that is also evidence-based. The one we had was GREAT - he has a rep for being reassuring at the same time as honest, rather than trying to scare everyone into behaving as he'd like. He was a pleasure to work with. You can check with midwives in your area to find the right OB for multiples, but also check with the perninatologists and neonatologists at the high-risk centers in your area - they'll know who tends to have patients who 'go the longest'.
Good luck, and CONGRATULATIONS. As much of a brain-and-life-whack as multiples are, they are also a joy. I don't wish multiples on anyone, but I wouldn't trade them, either. Hard work, and at the same time, the unique relationship is amazing to watch.
I'm sure that the other multiples moms will have plenty of other ideas, too. And how far along are you?
Posted by: hedra | September 26, 2007 at 08:58 AM
LOVE Raising Arizona!
I don't think there is one book or forum to prepare a parent for multiples. I googled every configuration of twins that I could when I was pregnant (twins breastfeeding, twins sleeping, twins products, etc) and spent hours researching practical matters. I do have a huge list of multiple blogs on the left column of my blog~feel free to poke around, Meghan. Some of them are pregnant, some have infants, some have older kids. It's a nice range of ages and experiences.
Posted by: Linda | September 26, 2007 at 09:01 AM
Oh, for dealing with the older child with medical/etc. issues, and multiples at the same time: A great stroller, and slings, both (for appointments, which the babies will be going along for more than you'd like, if you're still in those rounds). Plus write out everything you know about how to manage the diet issues, now. Make sure the teachers, relatives, etc., all have copies, and post one on the wall for anyone who comes to help. At least one page should be a bullet list of ABSOLUTELY NEVER items.
We didn't quite have to go to that level, because we didn't dx the fructose malabsorption until after I had a handle on life with twins, but close. And yeah, one of the twins has the same digestive malfunction, but hey, I was able to catch it MUCH sooner due to the older child experience, and it wasn't as distressing - known quantity, you know.
SGA issues may play a role with the multiples pregnancy, as well. But this not being a first pregnancy may also improve the odds on size (stretchier uterus).
Posted by: hedra | September 26, 2007 at 09:10 AM
(I agree with Linda on the multiple resources for multiples, too - my favorites are what I posted, but I was an active member of I think four multiples forums... no, five... through the pregnancy and postpartum. I've dropped back to two at this point, one of which is my non-multiples forum as well. One of the great things about multiples is that you learn to take ANY TOOL that comes to hand, and lose all pride about where it came from. You just don't have the luxury of being picky, if it works, it works. Which is another reason I like Moxie, because she's one of the few moms who don't have multiples who have that same 'eh, million methods, you're doing fine, lots that works' attitude. :) )
Posted by: hedra | September 26, 2007 at 09:13 AM
Thanks for the tips thus far. Oddly enough, "Raising Arizona" is my husband's favorite movie. We are only 10 weeks into this adventure, and meeting with a maternal/fetal specialist this afternoon to determine what the prognosis is at this point.
As Moxie mentioned, since my son has an unspecified metabolic disorder and was relatively low birth weight, we're not sure what they're going to recommend for us. We're trying to keep an open mind up until that point.
Whether they will all make it or not is of course unclear this early in the game, but we're pretty certain if nothing else that we are going to need a minivan!
Posted by: meghan | September 26, 2007 at 09:46 AM
this mom of triplet's has a blog that might be helpful:
http://tripleskarka.blogspot.com/
Posted by: dcfullest | September 26, 2007 at 09:48 AM
You can do it. You totally can do it.
My situation is not quite as challenging - twins, and they're my first. We were lucky enough not to deal with any NICU time, so I can't really give recommendations for that, but I do have a few other tips:
- If you are considering breastfeeding: YES. It is way, way more work in the beginning, and with three babies (and only two breasts, I presume) there will definitely be times when (at least) one baby is getting a bottle because s/he can't wait for an available nipple...but around 3 or 4 months old, when they start nursing much more efficiently and being able to go longer between feeds, you will be able to do them single-file most of the time. Yes, it's much more actual feeding time than just propping three bottles, but (1) you get some one-on-one time with each baby this way (even if you are busy trying to sing to another baby to calm hir down, the one you are nursing is still getting a special sort of attention); and (2) you will save so much time not having to measure formula, mix formula, clean bottles and nipples, whatever. All stuff you know already from your first, whichever way you chose to feed him.
- Ask for multiples discounts everywhere 5% here and 10% there really adds up.
- Along those lines: Tiny Love has a buy-one-get-one-free program for families with multiples. The free item need not be identical to the one you bought, just the same price (or cheaper) and in the same category (buy a playmat get a playmat, buy a mobile get a mobile). The catch is you have to register with them directly and place all your orders via telephone.
- I definitely recommend getting a good mobile for each crib by the time the babies are a month old, and an activity center for each crib by the time you have to take the mobile down. The crib is the safest place to put down a mobile or nearly-mobile baby when you have to attend to another's needs, and you will be doing that a lot. We chose mobiles that have a mute mode (Tiny Love Light, Symphony, and Motion), even though the music was a little more repetitive when the sound is actually on, just because that way we could have more than one mobile going at a time and not have to deal with clashing sounds.
- I personally think rigid scheduling for multiples is overrated, but at the same time I'd say there's a definite benefit to at least getting them to have the same bedtime at night (by about four months old or whenever you'd usually set a bedtime) and starting naps at the same time (when they start putting themselves on a 2-3-4 schedule).
- Anything you can get delivered, get delivered. Amazon.com is your friend.
- Self-confidence is also your friend. Get help for cooking, cleaning, chasing after your son, whatever. Try to do as much of the baby-care yourselves (you and your husband) as possible. Obviously you will need a break every now and then, but don't fall into the trap of saying "OMG I'm having multiples I must have two overnight baby nurses and rotating daytime nannies!" - because you can't maintain that level of childcare assistance forever. We know another couple who had twins a little while before we did - they had a full-time baby nurse for the first four months or so, and they just cannot function without help most of the day every day now. At first I thought maybe it was because their babies were older; maybe I would feel the same way when mine got to be four or six or eight months old. And, I don't know, maybe I just have a different temperament around kids, or maybe my kids are just particularly easy, but I don't see where they're coming from. All I can think is that they didn't build up their confidence right from the start.
- On the other hand, I only have twins, so maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'll shut up now.
Posted by: Shanna | September 26, 2007 at 09:50 AM
(Oh, and I don't mean to say you should not have any help with the babies - of course you should! Just dont' go thinking you can't care for your own children and need a "professional parent" to step in, just because there are three of them.)
Posted by: Shanna | September 26, 2007 at 10:03 AM
first of all, moxie, your husband did not let them name the male cat after a-rod. no he didn't. he knows the average life span of a cat is like 15 years?
on to the triplets: congrats! seriously! no matter where the journey takes you, enjoy it. my only second-hand advice is really for your older son- the few families i know with multiples after a singleton swear by having the older one in some type of nursery school/etc by the time the new ones come, so he can maintain (to a degree) his normal, daily routine, still be doing "his thing" that *isn't* about the babies. plus, then you can tend to them w/o feeling like you are neglecting him during those hours.
best of luck to you!
Posted by: pnuts mama | September 26, 2007 at 10:30 AM
OMG! Princess Blossom Pepperdoodle Von Yum-Yum is my daughter's name! Kidding.
Hi Meghan,
I know you're going to get (and already have) tons of useful advice here. With 2 singles, I have absolutely no experience whatsoever with your situation, and I am just in awe of you already. But I will meekly and humbly chime in with a comment about the merits of hypnobirthing (as Hedra did)and add that there is a ripple effect to practicing hypnobirthing--it has really affected my life in general, not just birthing--that certainly concerning the challenges that lie ahead for you may be useful. Obviously, you're going to have a lot on your plate, but I did just want to quietly throw that in there.
Posted by: rudyinminnesota | September 26, 2007 at 10:49 AM
No personal experience whatsoever but just to say if I were your friend, I'd want a schedule now of when I could come and do laundry for you for the next oh, two years. That kind of thing. Congratulations too!
Posted by: Shandra | September 26, 2007 at 11:16 AM
Oh my goodness. That's enormous. But I'm a firm believer that we can do all sorts of things that we never imagined we could, when we have to for our babies. I'm sure you'll do great and everything will turn out ok.
You might want to look into hiring a postpartum doula for when the babies come home. Someone who could take care of the babies but would also walk the dog or load the dishwasher to free up your time for the babies.
I can't offer any advice on parenting multiples (some days I feel like I can barely manage my one!) but I'm bursting with thoughts about antepartum hospital stays and the NICU and parenting a preemie. Of course, if your perinatologist expects you to go close to full term and not need bed rest, little of my advice would be relevant!
Good luck with the maternal/fetal specialist, I hope you really like him/her! (The right perinatologist can make a huge difference in a high-risk pregnancy.)
Posted by: Kathy | September 26, 2007 at 11:30 AM
No experience either. Just to say, 'you can do it'! For some reason you tend to figure things out, and do what has to be done and then look back years later and think 'how did I do that?' Like working 3 jobs to put yourself through college - that sort of thing.
You will find a way to make it work, you always do. It may not be perfect, but it will be perfect for your family.
Take it one day at a time. I know that the longer they are in, the better it will be at the other end.
I concur on the hypnosis too. I need to get back to practicing it. Think of it as time out, meditation and all round brain (and body) workout and stress reliever.
Congratulations.
Posted by: Alice | September 26, 2007 at 11:32 AM
Triplets....what a blessing. But of course, easier for me to say about you than about me. I think I'm getting hungry for another baby so I might be a little more enthusiastic about it than a normal person would be.
I have nothing to offer other than congratulations and encouragement that you CAN do it. A friend of mine had triplets and while challenging, they just have the best time with them. Get help. Teenagers are cheap and many have a great disposition to playing with 2+ year olds. Find one you can count on who is saving for a car or college or whatever. But aim for 8th or 9th grade b/c you are going to need one for some time.....and you don't want them taking off for college on you.
I am just in total awe of you. What an exciting and also scary time. Good luck with your dr's appt. today.
And Moxie.....Princess Blossom Pepperdoodle Von Yum-Yum? LOVE it. Glad the kitties are working out.
Posted by: Julie | September 26, 2007 at 11:33 AM
I don't have time to read everyone else's responses, so I apologize for any duplication. If you are leaning toward Attachment Parenting, then the AP Multiples Yahoo Group is a great resource and Karen Gromada is a regular poster and a great resource for pregnant and nursing moms.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/apmultiples
You might want to find out if you have a local Mother of Multiples Club:
http://www.nomotc.org/
or a local triplet club:
http://www.tripletconnection.org/
or a local MOST (mother of super twins):
http://www.mostonline.org/index.htm
My favorite online support group is http://www.pregnancy.org and they have both a pregnant with multiples forum and a parents of multiples forum with a good mix of AP and mainstream moms who really do a great job of supporting one another. I think we have at least 1/2 dozen triplet moms right now. There are plenty of other online support groups, too, if this one isn't a good match. I highly recommend reaching out to other people online and in person locally. You will need lots of support if for no other reason than to remind you that you CAN do this and being able to call someone locally during the day or reach out over the internet in the wee hours of the morning is so helpful. Congrats and welcome to the world of parenting multiples.
Posted by: twinsanity | September 26, 2007 at 11:37 AM
Hey, what a coincidence! We're talking triplets today too! Triplet and multiples moms, PLEASE VISIT, I'm gathering advice for a new triplet momma-to-be!
http://hankandwillie.wordpress.com/2007/09/26/baby-advice-needed%e2%80%94times-three/
Posted by: Anna (Hank and Willie's mom) | September 26, 2007 at 11:40 AM
Ditto the Tiny Love mobiles. And if you get the ones with the remotes, one remote will turn them all on at the same time. As long as the batteries are fresh, they can all have music and it won't sound like eighteen steros turned to different stations.
Biggest advice, get help. Especially at night. And it will probably be hellish for awhile, but around 3 months it got easier for us, then 4 months even easier and 6 months easier again. Now at nearly 14 months I can't imagine not having twins. They are so much fun.
Posted by: Jenn | September 26, 2007 at 12:00 PM
Hi... I have twin 2 1/2 boys and have to say when I see moms with triplets I am in total awe because I know it is exponential (sp??) from our situation. That said, here are my tips/comments:
1. I think the hardest part will be the first year/ year and a half. There will be lots of challenges after that but the first 6 months will most likely be the roughest and it will slowly get "better"/easier (IMO) month-by-month from there.
2. To help you get through the first six months, we found the most amazing "invention" EVER - a night nanny! I was completely addicted to the night nanny. They will come from 10 pm until 6 AM(or whatever 8-10 hour chunck of time at night that works for you) and take care of feeding the kids at night and getting them back to sleep so you can get a full night's sleep. AMAZING! I didn't breast feed but even if you were, you could probably pump so the nanny would have milk to give the babies.
3. Sleep training... the night nanny can help you with this as the first couple weeks are more labor intensive/painful but well worth it! If you can get the kids off one feeding at night, it makes a huge difference.
4. Join a multiples club in your area - sooner rather than later. It is amazing how helpful they can be. You can also get amazing deals on things through them (the moms sell their stuff to the other moms when their kids outgrow the items). You can be a prospect (i.e., no dues) until you have your babies. Great support - club full of people going through (or already gone through) what you are.
5. Breastfeeding - this will probably be controversial but please don't feel pressure to completely breastfeed. If you are really set on breastfeeding, maybe do a combo of breastfeeding/formula. You will really knock yourself out trying to do it all.
I will admit I was completely overwhelmed the first 6 months and totally wondered what I got myself into with the twins. However, while some of the days went by really slowly, the weeks and months flew by. I can honestly say now I am so thrilled I have my twins. Watching them interact is such a joy. I can't imagine just having one.
You will find a way to rise to the challenge. And, in a way, you will have more challenge by having an older child, you will also have the benefit of already being a parent and knowing what you are doing going into this.
Good luck!!
Posted by: Maureen | September 26, 2007 at 12:05 PM
Please tell me I'm not the only one who is exposed to so much PBS they knew "Princess Blossom Pepperdoodle Von Yum-Yum" was from "Fetch"? Please?
Posted by: Jamie | September 26, 2007 at 12:55 PM
My college roommate has triplets (they were her first) one of whom has special needs. And she has a six-year-old, and just had a baby girl. She has a blog---kiddyland.blogspot.com, or click on my name and there's a link to her blog on mine. (I think I have it just as "Nikki"). So, you know, she did this TWO more times :-)! We live in different states so I don't see her a lot, but what I have picked up from observing her over the ten years since the trips were born is "get a sense of humor, fast" and "find a support system." She is an awesome, awesome mom and such a cool person--and was just a flakeburger like me back in school, so I can guarantee it doesn't require superpowers or anything to do this well :-). I would suspect she'd say organization and humor are the keys, and maybe taking a little time for yourself.
Congratulations! This is exciting news.
Posted by: AmyinMotown | September 26, 2007 at 02:51 PM
I also have a friend with spontaneous triplets--spontaneous and identical. She's very involved with a multiples group. And she went on to have #4. She did decide to leave teaching, but she has her own class at home now.
Hers were due in Oct, and they were born in Aug--from just over 4lbs to, I think, about 3 1/2lbs. They are 5 now, bright, happy, great kids. So yes, it can be done. Just cut yourself a lot of slack.
Posted by: Jean | September 26, 2007 at 02:58 PM
Maureen, I hope nobody here would smack you for suggesting that 100% breastfeeding may be an excessive goal for a triplet mom with a preschooler. :) I also hope I didn't come across as 'you MUST bf' but more, there are possibilities, don't get set on any one path just yet.
The MOMs club near me was very up front on the breastfeeding thing. They said that you NEED as many health benefits as you can get for them, because one sick is bad, and two sick is worse, and three sick at once... hellish (or four, we had a spontaneous quad set, there, too... and she was a single mom. YIKES.) They were all for breastfeeding 'as much as possible' and pumping 'as much as possible' and both for 'as long as you can' ... and then TOTALLY not getting in a twist at whatever point that you shifted, changed, adapted, reverted, or whatever was required to get through. For a lot of the preemie twin moms, that was a couple of months of pumping/bfing at most. But not one of the 'uber boobie' moms would look down the nose at any mom who did her best with what she was handling, no matter what exact form that showed up in. Do find an LC who works with multiples, though. The MOM club nearest you should know who's good.
Also, don't give up on cosleeping if you really prefer that, too. We just added a queen sized bed to our queen sized bed. It's worked pretty well so far for us. Granted, just twins, but the next up also coslept for quite a while, too. There are sooooo many options out there.
Oh, and PPD... extra care on that point, use Moxie's prevention program - INCLUDING the getting out part. As hard as that will be, I've had people look at me like 'whoa, crazy!' because I just kept taking both out with me, but it meant that I have enough practice at it that I don't feel overwhelmed by the idea of taking them out. PPD tends to recur in twin moms at 2 years, and again in triplet moms at 3 years (per Karen G, I think, she posted some research on that, IIRC). Moxie's PPD prevention program is superior, and should probably be posted for your DH/partner/family/friends (etc.) to help with.
Posted by: hedra | September 26, 2007 at 03:09 PM
i would just like to say that i love the term "flakeburger" and am planning to use it daily from here on out.
and congrats to meghan!!
Posted by: michaela | September 26, 2007 at 03:20 PM
When I was in high school, one of our neighbors had 2 sets of twins 13 months apart. That's right, 4 kids in, basically, one year. The neighborhood pulled together around the family, making casseroles, taking their laundry, bringing in diapers and coffee and smoothies.
So my suggestion is to get a good idea of who your potential helpers are, and what in your life you can hand over to them. Then, when someone offers you help in a general sense, don't be shy about suggesting something specific. Anything you can possibly outsource, any opportunity to have to outsource something, go for it. Every family that has lots of little babies needs help, and I'm sure you would do the same thing in reverse.
Posted by: dregina | September 26, 2007 at 03:33 PM
Loving the kittens' names. (I assume that El C named them?)
Posted by: Kathy B. | September 26, 2007 at 03:42 PM
Hedra... quick question on the PPD for twins moms at 2 years. I've never heard that but that might explain a lot of what I was feeling but didn't understand this last 1/2 year. Does it just go away over time? (My boys are 2 1/2 at the end of this month).
On the BF'ding thing... I'm reluctant to throw open that subject just because it can be such a hot button for so many people. I'm always super impressed with anyone in my multiples club that BF at all. I didn't (to be honest, I wasn't strong enough to take the crying at the beginning when the baby was hungry but it didn't work. I just broke down and went the "easy" route).
Posted by: Maureen | September 26, 2007 at 04:02 PM
Meghan,
You can do this!!! Yes it's hard, yes it's a great deal of work, yes there will be days in the beginning where you just want to pull your hair out AND gouge out your eyes....but...and here is the one thing you need to remember. They are beautiful little babies and each day they will do something really neat!
I have 7 month old twins. A boy named Caleb Danger and a Girl named Emma Moxie. Right now they are both teething and its hard but it's also wonderful because they are growing and developing.
Before they came I got organized. I set up a cleaning system for the house, laid out my daily routine, set up multiple changing stations in the house (one on each floor), made and froze extra meals, and this is the biggie...I planned help. If you have offers of help, get out your calendar and say to them "Sure! When do you want to come?" When people come to your house to help give them stuff to do: laundry, cleaning, bottles, whatever you need done. Please don't feel guilty asking for help...I did and I think I could have had an easier time if I had just let that guilt go.
If you are using bottles and need a quick way to warm two to three at a time use your crock pot. Fill it with water, set it on warm and just top off the water when it gets low. I'm able to get up and pop in bottles and they are warm in a minute. It saves time and energy. Also, if you can afford it or already have one use a mini fridge in the nursery. I stocked mine with bottles, water for me, snacks (I was pumping and feeding with bottles and was constantly snacking)
If you want to keep a baby record book I would suggest setting it up now. Or when those milestones happen jot them down in your poop/feeding journal and transfer them when the kids are 18 and you have a little free time (just kidding!!!) Our poop journal has all sorts of notes and observations in it. Milestones, illnesses, patterns or growth spurts, diaper counts (so I can budget for supplies each month).
The last tip I can think of right now is get a wholesale club membership if you don't already have one. We belong to BJ's and I love thier diapers and wipes. The cost works out to about .11 cents a diaper and .5 cents a wipe which is about 1/3 of the cost of the name brands. At 10-15 diapers a day that really adds up! I buy them by the case and they work better than the name brand. I know this because I got lots of name brand diapers as gifts and they just didn't work as well. The only time I have had leaks of any kind is when they are about to outgrow the size they are in. If you need to use formula to supplement you can get good deals there too. AND I just save $100 on two Britax carseats! I love a good deal :o)
I belong to a Yahoo group called Twins Triplets and More which is a very supportive online community. They have lots of advice and can answer just about any question you might have.
You can also email me, I would be happy to talk multiples :o)
Posted by: Stacey | September 26, 2007 at 05:26 PM
Maureen, just like typical-timing PPD, it can either go away, or not. Sorry not to be more useful than that, but that's all I have.
Posted by: hedra | September 26, 2007 at 06:44 PM
My twins are turning 1 in October. The first three months were rough. Being pregnant with twins was rough (2.5 months bedrest with 1 of those in the hospital).
A few things really helped get us by in the early days.
1. Boppy pilows
Be sure to have one for each baby and possibly more lying around everywhere. Containment is key. Put boppies everywhere. You want to be sure that you can put everybody in a comfy, safe spot.
2. Co-sleeping and non-co-sleeping options
We had our boys sleep with us either in our bed or in our room for their first 4-6 months. It made nighttime feedings easy and maximized sleep time for everyone. Having the non-co-sleeping option in our room helped with containment. We had a place to put the odd man out if we needed it.
3. A rockin' stroller
This is a must. We really splurged on our Urban Mountain Buggy complete with the bassinet attachment which was our non-co-sleeping option until they got too big to share it. The worst thing ever is to feel stuck inside or too overwhelmed to leave the house. A good stroller can really help with that. Ours is a side-by-side model as I thought the 2 babies in a row models looked like they would fall over.
Once the boys were more mobile life got better. They started entertaining themselves and each other more and more. A few things have worked really well for us.
1. Baby Corral
As they started needing space to roll and crawl around, we bought a whole bunch of baby gates that are configurable in every way imaginable. They attach to each other or can be tied using cable ties to other items of furniture.
We also got a bunch of connecting square floor mats like some gyms have so that our carpet is covered and the surface is softer and cleanable. We have reconfigured the gates at least 3 times making the baby corral larger and larger.
Again, this is a matter of containment. It is really important to know that the baby/babies in the corral are safe while you tend to the needs of another of the babies or your own. We also have the corral as a no shoe zone. The corral is big enough that the whole family can lie around in it.
2. Cold Milk/Formula
Some babies don't like cold milk. One of ours didn't at first and he learned to. Warming everything up with two little howlers in the background was just too stressful for us. There isn't anything wrong with cold milk.
3. Multiples Club
I didn't join my local multiples club early enough. It would have been nice to have their support through the pregnancy part of the experience. My local club has lectures and support groups. It is helpful to have other folks around who have made it through the rough spots and can give advice. My club also has a killer garage sale every year.
4. Be Patient with Other People
Be ready to get a bunch of crazy comments through your pregnancy and once you are carting everyone around. People say the same things to us everywhere we go. "Double trouble." "You have your hands full." "Are they identical? I think I can tell the difference." This last is a particular favorite of mine. I long to suggest that those people come live with us as we cannot tell them apart consistently at home and we are their parents. ugh! We have almost scripted responses to the top questions and rattle off our replies without thinking. This is really good to do. Expect to get a lot of stares and comments.
I guess the best way to close this comment is to say that you can do it even if it doesn't always feel like you can. It is important not to expect it to be like anything you plan or like your previous experience. Triplets sound hard. Twins were hard. But they are also so super special and what a cool (and unlikely) thing to have happen spontaneously.
Posted by: Alexis | September 26, 2007 at 10:20 PM
congratulations!
my twins are only four months old, so I don't have a whole lot of experience yet. but one thing I am thankful every day is bouncers (I think they're called bouncy chairs/seats in north america). at first we just had one, thinking that would do. within a week we got the second. if both girls are upset I can bounce both or hold one and bounce the other; if both need to be fed NOW I can feed one and bounce the other to keep them happy until it's their turn. I understand the logistics would be different again with triplets, but I can't help but think they could still come in handy. we have the old-style wire ones, which give really good motion - better, I think, than the plastic rockers. fisher price does them. ours were $AUS50 each.
also, every time we see our favourite nappies on sale we buy several of the jumbo packs. it can be tricky to estimate how long they'll fit into each size - the girls were in newborns for a few weeks longer than they probably should have been - but you save heaps of money that way. and you don't feel as if you are spending a lot every week on nappies, even though it would still average out to a fair whack. the same goes for wipes and for nappy wrapper cassettes.
lots of luck - what an adventure you have ahead!
Posted by: andrea | September 27, 2007 at 04:29 AM
I have no useful information whatsoever (one singleton here), but I just wanted to say rudy-nowinminnesota is cracking me up!
Posted by: Maria | September 27, 2007 at 07:08 AM
Hello - hedra's husband here. I had thought yesterday that I would get to this one before hedra since I knew she was busy taking the girls to the dentist. But I was wrong.
Let me strongly echo some of the previous comments:
1) Enclosed baby-proof space. It was much easier in our house to make one part of the living room a baby zone using gates rather than trying to proof the whole house. The downside was that I think this was the catylyst for them starting to work together to solve problems as they tried to figure out how to get over the fence.
2) Get help. Don't be shy about asking either. And be prepared with exact requests - it's much easier on the people helping. I'll repeat here what I told hedra: 'Your job is to grow babies.' It's the only thing that you can't delegate so dump off anything else you can. Especially things that require you to exert yourself. You will likely have to alter your standards - we did - about how the jobs are done, but as long you have clean clothes and dishes, and food, you've got the basics covered.
And we got help for me too, so that I could get breaks too. That really helped me avoid getting burned during the pre- and post-pregnancy time and also gave me time to focus on hedra and preparations (like hypnobirthing refresher class).
You will especially want a body around the house after they are home, because you don't have enough arms any more. Hedra's method of getting enough sleep was to not get out of bed until she'd had eight hours. Sometimes that was the afternoon. We had food upstairs for her, and help to bring things up and down too.
Good luck. As I've said to other twin parents - it doesn't get easier, but it does get different. Enjoy the trip.
Posted by: epeepunk | September 27, 2007 at 11:57 AM
Big, big, big congrats to her! I am APing my triplets, who are now 14 months old.
I'm one of the triplet moms Julie referred to on pregnancy.org. I have been a member there since we started TTC (one baby, of course - hahah). I love the group of multiples mamas on there and have come to regard them almost like family.
I completely second the AP Multiples Yahoo group, as I'm not sure what I would have done this past year (and longer) without them. I also belong to a Triplet/Quad Yahoo group for babies born around the same time as mine.
Read "When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets or Quads" by Barbara Luke. It was an invaluable resource for me.
Start now being easy on yourself. By that I mean that your triplet pregnancy will most likely be extremely unpredictable, so give yourself permission to be flexible with the changes as they come. That kind of flexibility will come in handy once the babies are here.
Unfortunately alot of triplet moms I know, especially those more prone to the AP lifestyle, have not found their local MOMs groups that helpful. There are usually not alot of other triplet members and/or members who practice AP.
Find some people you can call and/or email when you need to vent, scream, cry or laugh. Other triplet moms are the best for this because they have been there. I'm happy to be one for you!
Visit the NICU before you go on bedrest. Ask lots of questions and make your wishes known, even if you have to say them over and over again. I'm, of course, praying you won't need any NICU services, but it is better to be prepared.
If you want to BF, get an LC lined up before you give birth. Make sure you can have a pump delivered to your room ASAP if your babies go to the NICU.
I'm sure I could think of more. Please visit my blog if you want more info on what it is like to AP three at once. http://gigliotriplets.blogspot.com
I think you can also get my email addy from my profile if you need a triplet mama pal. Best of luck to you!
Posted by: Kelly | September 27, 2007 at 06:16 PM
Definitely join a NOMOTC group right away. My local twins club actually has 3 triplet moms (that I know of). The support and knowledge of experienced moms of multiples is really valuable.
Read the book When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads, Revised Edition: Proven Guidelines for a Healthy Multiple Pregnancy
http://tinyurl.com/2r7xn6
This book goes with the "be conservative" approach -- Dr. Luke's recommendations for multiple pregnancies are conservative and have resulted in lots of healthy pregnancies and deliveries.
Get creative when seeking advice -- surely you aren't the first mom expecting multiples with another kiddo with special dietary needs.
Such exciting news -- congrats! I thought our spontaneous twins were exciting and special -- but this is even more so for you! Rest up and take extra-special care of yourself !
Posted by: Nancy | September 27, 2007 at 06:31 PM
Congratulations X 3, Meghan! What an amazing adventure you and your family have begun. I'm a mom of 7 year old triplets. It's good to see you've got some great advice here already. Yes, you can do it!
I found the Triplet Connection helpful, especially their written information packets and books. Our local multiples group has been great too, and I have made good friends with several other parents of triplets. Take a multiples-specific prenatal class from them if possible.
My mom came to stay with us for a couple of months, and did a lot of the meals, laundry and errands for us in the beginning, while I was on bedrest and while I was recovering from the C-section.
A close friend of ours offered to organize helpers for us, which was great. She phoned or emailed everyone who had said "let me know if I can help", and she arranged them all into a schedule to come and help for 3 or 4 hours, weekly or twice a month, whenever they could drop in. Some people liked to make meals and do laundry, some liked to cuddle babies, some would grocery shop or cut the grass for us, or just do whatever was needed on that particular day. Helpers to play with your older child would also be really useful some of the time.
Our babies were born at 30 weeks, and spent over a month in the NICU. That was really hard, but at least my body had made a partial recovery by the time they came home from hospital. Our babies had typical preemie developmental delays, and some reflux and asthma. They "caught up" around 3 to 4 years old, and at 7 they are doing very well in school, and have no significant health issues.
Take good care of yourself during your pregnancy, plan for some help, and take things one step at a time. Best wishes,
Posted by: Sheila | September 27, 2007 at 07:16 PM
I'm a Momma to 27 month old triplets as well as 13 month old twins. While life is incredibly hectic, it's also really do-able. My husband has Cancer, and like your son, he has many appointments that need constant attention...
I hope that you'll enjoy this journey you're on, it's a wild ride, but worth every second!!
Feel free to visit our blog www.jbrooke7.typepad.com
Posted by: Jessica | September 27, 2007 at 10:22 PM
I have nothing useful to offer as far as actually raising the triplets, but I thought I'd let you know that your older singleton will be just fine. I'm the older singleton to another single, a set of triplets AND a set of quadruplets, and I'm pretty normal at 26. :)
I was 4 when the triplets were born and 7 when the quads were born, so I don't remember a lot about babyhood for them, but I do remember that we had a lot of help around the house (often someone that played with me and my brother) and that I felt loved and cared for. Your son will be loved and cared for too, even if life is a little crazy for awhile.
Congratulations!
Posted by: Erin | September 28, 2007 at 01:50 AM
WoW!!! Congrats to you. I have 11 month old twins and am (now) loving every minute. I'm sure that triplets will offer bigger and more complex logistical challenges, but also bigger smiles and hugs eventually. I've read some of the other responses and I want to echo a few things:
*Dr. Luke's book is soooo necessary.
*Get ready now. Buy what you need, have a baby shower...you never know if you'll be puton bedrest for the remainder of the pregnancy.
*Get your groceries delivered (I love peapod by stop and shop. Get it all set up now and that way you can do your shopping in 5 minutes from 4:17 to 4:22 am which may be your only chance.
*Find a laundry service that will pick up and deliver for those weeks when you just need to get out from under your "to-do" list.
*If someone asks what you need for the babies say "a cleaning lady". Again- I only used her twice but boy was it great to have a clean house right before the christening.
*Pregnancy.org has been an invaluable resource for me.
*I am still breastfeeding and loving it, but it is not for everyone. It was very difficult and super demanding in the beginning-especially with babies in the NICU. It has saved us thousands of dollars, is super convenient and offers my little ones some really wonderful health benifits but it has also made me VERY tied down. You have to choose what is right for you, not out of guilt or obligation but out of practicality.
The whole "get-tons-of-help" thing never worked for me. I'm a control freak and I really needed to do it myself. I hope that you're the kind of person that can let someone else (namely your family) step in and take over but I couldn't and I've taken a lot of slack for it. This leads me to my last and most important point; you will do what you have to do when you have to do it. You will just make it work- maybe not the way I did, or the way she did, but it will get done and it will be just fine. You will have to relax your standards a bit. I had to really let go of a lot of "this-is-the-way-it-should-be" stuff before I was really happy and content in my role as a mother of multiples. It is a magical and wonderful thing when my babies refuse to eat without holding hands. You will cry and laugh more than you can imagine. Best of luck to you!
Posted by: wendy | November 01, 2007 at 04:22 PM
Get creative when seeking advice -- surely you aren't the first mom expecting multiples with another kiddo with special dietary needs.
Such exciting news -- congrats! I thought our spontaneous twins were exciting and special -- but this is even more so for you! Rest up and take extra-special care of yourself !
Posted by: ugg outlet | November 02, 2010 at 12:03 AM
I looked great and did not look like I was cariyrng twins . . . but people are nice and sometimes lie to make you feel better LOL! My OB had me meet with a nutrionist which helped. I drank lots of fluids, ate lots of fruits and veggies and minimized junk food I did eat junk, just not a lot. I also ate a lot of small meals. The twins were so big that it reached the point that I would be full after eating a few bites and then would be starving again an hour later. I also tried to stay active lots of walking and some prenatal yoga. The small meals and snacks helped me with my energy levels.I managed to work full time until 3 days before I gave birth so I was pretty happy with myself. My job doesn't involve any heavy lifting but it was still good to get myself out of bed and off to work everyday. I don't have info on labor. My daughter was diagnosed with a heart defect at 20 weeks into the pregnancy (via ultrasound) so we scheduled a c-section for 37 weeks on the dot to prevent her from having to go through the stress of labor and to be able to have the cardiac on team ready for her birth. For the last few weeks, they monitored me weekly, I was not having contractions which is why we were able to go to 37 weeks which is term for twins. My daughter was 5 lbs 1 oz and my son was 5 lbs 4 oz. The doctors and nurses encouraged me to get out of bed quickly which helped with my recovery after the c-section.Congrats and best wishes!
Posted by: Sama | May 15, 2012 at 12:30 PM
I've had 3 singleton praniencges and am now pregnant with twins With me I've felt the twins VERY early on ALL over the place LOL It's like they are dancing As far as where they are you need to wait for your ultrasound. At my 20wk scan one was on each side (right and left)I'm almost 28 weeks and feel WAY more movement then a singleton constant movement .if ones awake shaking things up the other is sleeping and vise versa so I'm always getting a tickle .I definatly LOVE carrying twins .I have yet to worry about kick counts because they're always shaking and stretching
Posted by: Lidia | May 15, 2012 at 03:40 PM
Can you share the main difference bet/ silgneton or twin pregnancy baby fetal movement? ?If you've been pregnant with one baby or two baby, what was a big different in baby movement in utero? Did you have constant movement with twins in the 2nd trimester? With twins, was it left, right or top, bottom at the same time or left and right and so on?Or was it less movement than silgneton pregnancy (possibly due to cramped space)? Any tips to look for?TIA
Posted by: masu | May 15, 2012 at 04:06 PM
God Bless You!! We didn't plan to get pregnant when we did eeihtr. When we found out that we were having twins it definitely changed everything. We now have a plan in place of when we would like to have more children, but as you said God can throw you a curve. If I do have another set of twins, I'll definitely reach out to you for advice. Take Care
Posted by: Leo | May 16, 2012 at 05:14 AM
I don't count calories so I don't even know if I'm getntig the extra 300, (lol, I'm pretty sure I am.) Listen to your body. If you're hungry, eat and make it healthy. Eat the whole bag of baby carrots if you can keep them down. Women have been having babies long before anyone came up with the magic calorie number. If you were just curious, sorry I don't know. Good luck with your babies! My friend has had 3 sets and I'm the godmother of the last set. They are so much fun!
Posted by: chanfle | May 18, 2012 at 01:59 AM
I’m not going to pretend I http://www.bestcheapbeatsbydre.net/ was a fan of the T90 Laser III’s, but I think this time the designers have really done a great job. Despite utilising design aspects from both the http://www.bestcheapfootballcleats.com/ Vapor and Tiempo models, the boot has an individual style of its own and really stands out. The two release colourways provide good options for both fans of contemporary and http://www.cheapfootballbootsshop.net/ classic boot styling and after having seen some of the http://www.cheapfootballcleatssale.org/ future colour options I’m enthused by the direction Nike http://www.adidassocccercleats.com/ has gone with the new T90.
Posted by: Cheap Beats By Dre | August 09, 2012 at 08:05 AM