Adrianne writes:
"One evening I was painting my toenails and my son asked for his to be painted too. He said pink toes were pretty and he wanted some pretty pink toes like mommy. He has a doll baby, so I thought I would try painting the doll's toes pink first and maybe that would satisfy him. Of course, it only made him want pink toes even more since now mommy AND his baby had pink toes. So, figuring there would be no harm in it, I painted his toenails pink. He laughed, was so excited and it made him so happy he called grandma to tell her about it and he even took off his shoes at church to show his friends. I thought it was cute and funny and adorable that he was so into his pink toes, however, my husband just about threw a tantrum over the whole thing.
Now I know this isn't the most life altering issue, and definitely not anywhere near as serious as many, however, I'm just looking for some opinions on this situation. Was it wrong of me to think it was ok to paint my 3 year old son's toes pink? Would anyone else out there paint their son's toes? I try to nurture his interests, give him a wide variety of toys and experiences and let him try and do things his way (within reason, of course) and I just don't see the harm in a little nail polish on a boy's toes."
Oh, boy. (No pun intended.) I've been through this one, too. Both of my boys love to have their toenails painted, but dads in general just don't seem to get that.
I think this is one of those gender divide things that we just aren't going to understand each other about. I can't possibly see what could be bad about painting a 3-year-old's toenails. Heck, I can't see what would be bad about painting a 10-year-old's toenails, or a 20-year-old's toenails. To me, this falls into the same category as (for kids) coloring with marker on their bodies or (for adults) experimenting with wacky haircuts.
But I think for men over a certain age, nail polish is something that signifies "Not Man" and they just can't deal with it.
I think you have a few options here. You can keep on painting your son's toes, and just laugh off your husband's objections. You can ask your husband exactly what it is that scares him about the nail polish, and get him to break it down and realize that there's nothing really for him to fear. You can go with a buff blush color of nail polish so your husband will never notice it but your son can keep wearing the nail polish. Or you can cut your son off and give him his first lesson in "how we socialize kids to conform to a narrow range of acceptable options no matter what they like or don't like." I hope you don't end up having to choose the last one, because it sucks to have to squash your kid down into society's little box.
What did you all do? I know there have to be tons of us whose sons like nail polish. Mine used to make their own with marker if I didn't hop to it and paint their toes the instant they demanded it.
Spotted my 15 year old son with silver glitter on his toes. He said his girl friend put it on him.
I asked him if he liked it, he said it is ok and 3 of his frends wear it also.
Posted by: Allen | November 18, 2007 at 08:33 AM
Speaking of polish, my wife was recently painting her toenails and my 6-year old son came in the room, saw her painting her nails and asked her why she did it. She answered him that she liked the way it made her feet look. He sat and watched her until she was done, then asked her to paint his toenails. She asked him why he wanted them painted and he replied that he wanted his feet to look nice too. So, she painted his toes for him. He was so proud that he had to show me so he came running into the living room where I was watching TV and held them up so I could see them. I told him that they looked nice and he beamed. His older sister (10) was also in the room with me and she told him that she liked them too. This prompted my son to declare that everyone should have their toes painted! About that time my wife came into the room to see what had generated all the noise and soon understood what was happening. My son insisted that the family have matching toes so we all obliged and my wife did the honors. It was one of those innocent and inspiring moments that I will never forget. I think my for my son, it was one of those things he had never done before and after he had experienced it, the novelty was apparently over because he has not suggested that we get our toenails painted since.
I look back on it as just another part of growing up by experimenting and learning about life.
Posted by: Michael | November 25, 2007 at 08:23 PM
i have a 4 yr old boy who likes playing with dolls "the little einsteins" and its 2 boys and 2 girls in this cartoon, but also wanted the 2 girls in a set they came and i was so paranoid being that my brother is gay and they say its all in the genes. So now im paranoid thinking that my little boy is going to be gay. Also i tried getting him into action figurines such as spider man, ninja turtles etc. but rather play with "the little einsteins" or Thomas the tank engine train,and likes to collect trains and rather draw or read books. What is it? A
Posted by: crystal | March 16, 2008 at 08:15 PM
I actually found this board looking for advice about my 6 y.o. wanting to paint his toenails. My wife, of course, sees no harm in it, and I mostly don't either.
However, on the other hand, I'm not all that comfortable with it either.
My wife's first son, who's an adult now, is gay.
I know that wearing toenail polish won't make a boy gay. I'm more just wondering if wearing nail polish is an indication somehow of the gender roles he is associating himself with...
Posted by: m | November 13, 2008 at 07:34 PM
My two year old son loves to have his toe nails painted, it almost seems relaxing to him. I've been able to avoid tantrums and distract him from being upset by asking if he wants his toes painted. I don't see a big issue with it, the rest of my family and his dad's family think I'm a little crazy, one of his grandparents even removed it while watching him one day, he apparently cried about it. I don't see a big issue, it's not hurting anyone.
Posted by: Toria | December 09, 2008 at 09:05 PM
Gender sterotypes are wrong; they are just wrong! Your husband grew up (as most men do) with the big dick, hairy balls and sports type image of what it is to be a man. He probably subscribes to the image that girls should be Barbie doll loving, pink wearing, long-hair wearing, dress wearing. non-thinking bimbos. The problem is HIS, not yours and certainly not your sons. Kids of your sons' age don't understand gender issues (they play with dolls, they play with Tonka Trucks), your son's reaction is totally HONEST and totally REAL and is what we should all be subscribing to. I've worn polish for years, and will continue to do so; people who have an issue with it can kiss my A$$. I have manicures and I wear polish; my feet are NOT neglected and left to stink and rot and have yellow, or black toenails and look hairly and UGLY!!! I've had NOTHING but good comments from women who wished their ?MEN? would take as good care of themselves as I do. (and I am completly straight [ but have no issues with men who aren't!!!!!])
Pink was originally a color for BOYS and NOT girls. Blue was for girls as it was seen as the more sedate color and more calming and tranquil (still a sterotype if you ask me) and because pink was closer to red, it was seen as the more aggresive color and hence for boys [look it up!!]. It was not until Nazi Germany that pink became a girls color (because it was ascribed to homosexual men due to being a gender/mixture due to their liking men and not girls, hence they liked PINK boys and not BLUE girls).
Do we really want to give credance to Hitlers hatred of the Jews by continuing to ascribe pink to gays and to girls rather than the blue that was historically theirs?
Your husband needs to study a bit of history and to grow the BALLS to see the real truth!
When it comes right down to it; it is just paint! Who cares what it means? If a man has issues with it; perhaps he has issues with his own sexuality and is just projcting that on you and his sons!!
Posted by: Craig | January 17, 2009 at 08:05 PM
I'm a 54 year old 'straight' male, and I've been painting my toenails for years. I usually use a copper/antique bronze color, but have worn red, pink and blue. I don't care what others think--as with other 'painted males', most women complement my pedicure and guys either don't say anything or give me a funny look.
It usually makes your feet look better and also encourages you to keep them that way, so just maybe it's better painting them than not!
Posted by: Smitty | April 11, 2009 at 11:47 AM
My little boy is 3, and he loves to have his toenails painted. We pick out colors at the store, and he loves purples and greens. Sometimes he wants pink, he loves it! It's no big deal at our house, and he wears it in public. He likes to do it because I do it, and I don't have a problem with it at all. I figure there is plenty of time for society to push gender issues on him, and I don't feel a need to differentiate. He loves makeup, and Dora the Explorer (hates Diego). I don't go overboard, but he is definitely free to experiment.
I have recently encountered a huge problem regarding the nail polish....my son's dad's new girlfriend. She is "a teacher, and she's going to school for her master's in early childhood education." That's what she told me, I suppose to establish her "credentials" as a parenting authority. She went on for a while about how I was a bad parent, and painting his toenails was going to screw him up and confuse him (possibly tinted with homophobia, not sure because my world had begun to turn red). Then she said "it's my recommendation that you use clear IF he is the one wanting his nails painted." Aren't recommendations normally given after someone asks for one?
At any rate, I responded by telling her it was none of her business what I did in my home, and that I didn't feel inclined to defend my parenting decisions to her; to which she responded, after gaping like a fish, that she was the closest thing to a step-mother my son had, (as if that gave her some authority), and that it was indeed her business. I again disagreed and reiterated my position and told her she needed to leave my house. And then it got ugly.
I am just wondering if I have simply encountered an unstable individual with a cross to bear regarding boys and nail polish, or if anyone else had had something crazy like this happen.
And as far as being confusing...has anyone seen any studies regarding gender specificity in toddlers and future behavior/attitues/etc?
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