Q&A: smacking the kid to get to sleep

Anonymous writes:

"I have one baby who is 10.5months. My questions surround sleep. I hate putting the baby to sleep. It SUCKS. 

In our family and house, cosleeping and rocking baby and all the other "unusual" choices that american's hide are pretty normal. Now that the baby is mobile what it means now is that though when the baby wakes up in the morning, we all have to wake up. There is no 10-15 minutes of time that my husband or I can have while the baby plays. And there is no place where i can leave baby if she is being fussy and needs a nap but refuses to nap so I try to give her quiet time but that means I need to lay in bed with her. Then at night we put her down at 7 but that means until 9 or 10 when i go to bed she wakes up every 30 minutes (or every 1 hour) if we are lucky.. and that usually means another 15mins or so of settling her down to sleep again. Which means we just spend the 2 hours taking turns to resettle her.

We have thought about transitioning to a crib, because we suspect that cosleeping is the problem, and so i tried to first use the pack and play that we have to transition her. She would have none of it. I do all the tricks to get her into a deep sleep and then the minute i try to lower her into the pnp.. she is up and crying. I have left her in the pnp but she is one of those who gains tension by crying (beyond a little fussing) and so the most i have let her cry is about 20 minutes before i can't take it anymore. At that point she is so upset that she doesn't sleep or when she does it is really disturbed.

I can't handle the cosleeping anymore. I need for there to be a space for her where i can leave her if she won't nap. Or for her to play in the morning for a few minutes occasionally so i can get an extra 10 minutes. I just can't handle having to stop my life for sleep and it's gotten to the point that i have smacked her (and this is my shaming part). My mother used to do it to us. If we wouldn't settle down we would get a little smack just to remind us to stay in our place. And the thing is my memories of this implies that we were old enought to understand our behavior. But my daughter- she's a baby and i know she is but sometimes when i have to lay with her to put her to sleep and she is fussing and kicking, a little smack on her thigh gets her to settle down because i know that she will release that little bit of tension that she has and then settle down. But it makes me feel like the absolute worst piece of Turd in the world and yet there are days when i know that it will bring us closer to the goal of sleep and so i do it. It's only been a handful of times but it's been a handful of times too many. I KNOW that this is wrong. I KNOW that it is hurts her but yet I am at my wit's end some days.

My husband is at work all day and he will try to help on the weekends. We can't really afford to get someone to watch her and i have no family around to help out. How do i stop this? How do i not let sleep ruin everything?"

Oh, honey. Take a deep deep breath, and then let yourself cry.

OK, I'm actually starting to tear up a little as I type this, because I can remember so vividly being here when my older one was 10 months old, and being so afraid to admit to anyone that it was harder, not easier, than it had been at 6 months. What was wrong with me? He was supposed to be sleeping better, not worse. And I was supposed to be getting better at parenting, not worse. And yet I felt strung out physically and unable to give anything emotionally.

The good news is, it's normal. Tons and tons of us have felt this way at exactly the same point. I don't think it's a divide between cosleepers and non-cosleepers, either. I think some babies are just tough at this age. The bad news is it makes you feel like a complete failure.

I'm not really going to talk about the smacking, except to say that all of us--every single one of us--has done or will do something we regret. Whether it's something big or small, no one comes out of parenting a child having upheld our ideals every single second. Personally, I don't think the individual incidents are that worthy of note, but I do think they form a narrative and mood, and it's that context that shapes the importance of each incident. A few smacks right now are going to fade into nothing once you can get some of your reserves back to parent as lovingly as you do when you're not at the end of your rope. If you let the smacks become the foreground of the relationship, though, she's going to carry the same sad memories you do, and you're going to feel like a bad mother. Not good for either of you.

So. You need a plan to get some emotional space. It doesn't seem like staying asleep is her problem, it's just the cosleeping and getting to sleep. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I think the pack 'n' play (I believe it's called a travel cot in OZ and the UK--it's a fold-out playpen that can also be used as a baby bed, but is low to the floor) is just destined to fail for a couple of reasons: 1) The mattress is so thin it's really like sleeping on cardboard and a baby can totally tell the difference, and 2) it's lower to the floor than she's used to. Babies who start out in the PNP seem to be fine with it, but a baby who isn't put to sleep in one until almost a year is not going to be fooled.

I think you should jump straight to a crib*. A person can be philosophically opposed to "baby jail" all she wants, but once your baby starts crawling out of bed or making you as stressed out as Anonymous is, you change your tune pretty quickly. Or at least, I changed my tune pretty quickly. You definitely can find someone who needs to switch their child from a crib to a big kid bed who will lend you the crib for awhile or sell it to you cheaply. Try Freecycle or Craigslist if you don't have a friend who needs you to take a crib off their hands. (Just make sure not to use a crib that's older than 20 years old or so, since the bars are too far apart and the baby's head can get trapped. Also beware peeling paint, and old cribs with lead paint.)

Going cold turkey to a crib might be scary, but honestly, how much worse can it get? If you have the space, put the crib in another room. Then, at bedtime, do everything the same way you normally do, but instead of lying down with her in the bed, put her in the crib. You may have to sit in the room for awhile, or lie down next to her, but it's a different task mentally than getting her to sleep while cosleeping is. If you can get your husband to take a turn getting her to sleep, please try it. If she won't go to sleep for him initially, ask him to take any wake-ups from bedtime until midnight. (A surprising number of times, a baby who wakes up a ton for one parent will stop waking up for the other because there's just not the same payoff. Again, it seems to be about shaking up the routine.)

If you can get the bedtime routine to be less attention-intensive for you, you'll be well on your way to getting some of your emotional strength back. Another idea is to see if you can get a mother's helper. Even if you can't afford a regular babysitter, you might be able to afford a middle schooler who can come over for a couple of hours after school once a week. (I just saw my first mother's helper a few weeks ago. He's in college now, and is tall and almost a man. It made me feel old.) You might be able to leave the house by yourself, but even if you don't feel comfortable with that, the mother's helper can occupy your baby in one room while you do something else in the other, especially if that something else involves eating chocolate and reading a cheesy novel.

Whatever happens, cut yourself some slack and hang in there. You're not a mom who hits her kid, so recognize the smacking for what it is--a desperate reaction to a stressful situation. And this situation won't last forever.

OK, comments? Either talk about how horribly you thought you were going to lose it when your baby was this age (or any age, frankly), or comment on something you did that you didn't want to do (to comment anonymously, put an obviously fake URL in the URL box, and a fake email address in the email box) and what you learned from it.

* As I said, I don't think cosleeping is causing this problem, but I do think changing the sleep routine is going to give Anonymous some emotional space. You do what you do while it's working, and then once it's no longer working you switch to something else. If you're having this problem and your baby's a crib sleeper, you might try switching to cosleeping for awhile to see if that helps.

Comments

[Emily]

My baby is nine months old and we are having a horrible time at night, so my heart goes out to you. Baby boy has never in his nine months slept well and recently started to wake hourly. I've always been a cosleep/nurse your baby when he wants to nurse kinda mom (well, first time mom, don't want to sound like I'm so all-knowing), but there came a point that I had to realize that I could not be a good mom and keep up this sleep schedule. That was about two weeks ago at two am when I had a major meltdown... and then there was screaming and dish-throwing. And yes, it was totally an outlet to keep myself from hurting anyone else in the house, myself included (...and yes, it was extremely satisfying to throw dishes as hard as I could and hear them shatter...)

I think the post from a few days ago ("going insane from lack of sleep") did a lot for me in terms of letting go of the idea that I had to always always always be on night-time duty. My husband is much better at it and can survive on a lot less sleep than I can. So I think it is KEY that you take at least a few nights completely off. I thought this would be impossible and it wasn't - which means that now, after getting multiple nights of good sleep, I can take my baby in the middle of the night if my husband is having a particularly bad night and not immediately feel agressive and desperate. I really didn't think it would be possible to night wean my baby since he nursed so often every night - but that made me not even try, and that was a huge mistake. HUGE.

We are not at the end of this particular difficult stage, and I know that it will take more time and stamina from both myself and my husband, but I also know that there had to be a radical change to the sleeping situation, because the way things were going, I was turning into the exact opposite of the mom I wanted to be, at least at night. As good as cosleeping and AP is in theory, if continuing to follow it to the T means you becoming an emotionally drained and desperate parent, doing things that you truly never wanted to do, then I think it is better for everyone, your child included, to give at least some of it up.

[Linda]

Does screaming "Shut the F up! Why won't you just shut the F up and go to sleep?!" at your infant count? That was definitely a low point for me and I will freely admit that it happened more than once.

I feel for Anon and her frustration. At the same time, I am thrilled that she seems so on top of potential solutions and is reaching out for help. She's obviously a very thoughtful and caring mom.

[anon]

I am right there with Linda, along with a rough thrust into the crib... right about when my daughter was 8 months. It was HARD. The hardest thing I've ever done, I think.

I second all the advice about figuring out a way to get some sleep -- like Emily, I didn't think it was possible, but lo and behold, I slept in the guest room, my husband slept on the floor in her room and it all worked out. (Didn't solve the problem right then and there, but it did allow me to get some sleep and re-gain the empathy I was sorely lacking.)

For me, in the long run, Zoloft helped, too. Not sure if that's an issue for the OP, but wanted to mention it in case, after getting some sleep and things improving -- which, really, they will -- there's still something off.

[Christi]

I love this community.

[Shandra]

It is a hard stage! Our solution was to move the crib next to the bed, keeping both sides up. My son eventually got into a pattern where he would sleep until 10 or 11 pm and then after that we would bring him into our bed to co-sleep for the rest of the night. No 15 min in the morning though. :)

[Leslie]

We co-slept with our baby until she was 8 months, and it wasn't working for any of us anymore. We decided we had to move her to her crib (we actually used a pack and play) because none of us were getting enough sleep (we had to lie next to her for naps, too, and it would take up an absurd amount of my day). I had been very against letting her cry, but our being next to her when she was in the crib was too much for her. So we let her cry. She cried on and off for 45 minutes the first night, 20 the next, and now she's fine. She might fuss a bit when I leave the room, but she even goes down for naps alone in her crib. I can't believe how much better I feel about myself and how much more I enjoy her now that we've over this hump. I think that she had reach a point of maturity where she was able to put herself asleep and in fact wanted to but we were preventing her from doing it by distracting her with our presence and teaching her that we would always be there when she was asleep.

[Leslie]

I should add that she still sleeps in our bedroom with us and that she is now a much, much happier baby to be getting more sleep (when she isn't teething :)).

[c]

Aww. Have been there! My son has been sleeping through the night and going down for bed easily for the first time ever the past two weeks. He's 16.5 months. I know it's going to go all to hell again at 18 months, but at least I KNOW that bedtime will not always be such a horrendous struggle. It's going to get better for you.

I think for me the key to not losing my shit (screaming at my son WHY WON'T YOU SLEEP, throwing things, etc) was to have some kind of outlet that had nothing to do with baby. I share your situation - partner gone all the time, no family nearby, no close friends, and I'm a major introvert. So baby and I started volunteering for my local senior center. Just having 4 hours a week talking to someone who needed human contact as desperately as I did was wonderful.

Hang in there. You're doing something very hard that you've never done before, but eventually it will get easier.

[Kristin]

My oldest was a very tricky sleeper. She only nursed to sleep and eventually got too big to transfer to the crib. Would putting a mattress on the floor solve the problem? Completely babyproof the room, gate her in and then lie beside her to nurse, then tiptoe out. Also could she be getting teeth or an ear infection? That always messes with sleep.
It is at my most frustrated and exhausted that I find myself sounding like my mother and repeating her behaviours.

[Colleen]

My heart ached when I read this post. I could have written it. My peanut is 15 months old, still not sleeping through the night, but is light years better than she was at 10 months. I survived that horrific time with greater assistance from my husband (who was already a very involved partner), naps during the day when I could manage them (with baby), and sleeping in on the weekends (thank you again, hubby). Just when we were about to sell her on the black market, something shifted. She started sleeping a little better, and I stopped feeling guilty about stealing those naps instead of "being productive". We night-weaned her two months ago, and BAM!, another shift. We have actually had a handful of nights that she SLEPT THROUGH!

In short, Anon, you're not alone, you're not a bad mother, and this too shall pass, although you may have to take active steps to help along the passing. Good luck!

[Also Anonymous]

Oh my.

My little baby cried constantly for so many months. He screamed when he nursed and he screamed all night long and he screamed and screamed and screamed and my husband was gone for 14 hours a day.

One night when he was still VERY wee I couldn't handle it all anymore. He was screaming and nursing and arching etc. (later we figured out he had some serious reflux)... so I ripped his little screaming body off my breast, and flung him down on the bed and screamed right back at him. It is the flinging that shames me. It was the only time I've done something without thinking about it first. In retrospect it wasn't much more vigorous a movement than when we danced around the living room or bounced him to keep him from crying.... but it was the lack of THOUGHT beforehand that is shameful.

It is upsetting when we don't live up to our own expectations. As the child of an abusive alcoholic, my goal was to always behave mindfully with my children and I slipped in just the first few months!! How was I going to handle a third grader!

Forgive yourself for not living up to your own standards. Sleep in a separate room for a couple of nights, then come up with a plan with a clear head. I hope you all find some peace!

[Kathy]

Yes, I could have written this as well. All of my bad moments as a mom have been because of sleep problems. I've screamed and stomped my feet (how mature is that?) on several occasions and just two weeks ago I dropped my babby in the middle of her bedroom floor, slammed the door, and walked out with her screaming her head off. I just could not get her to fall asleep! Turns out the next day she got really sick and I then realized she wasn't sleeping because she felt bad. Ugh. I felt horrible for being so mad at her. We've all done things we regret.

I don't know if Moxie was implying this when she said to lay down next to her while transitioning to the crib, but I've actually slept IN the crib with my little one. It helps that I'm on the short size and average weight and it is a sturdy crib so I knew it would hold up. Each time I've done it I thought surely I am the only 30+ year old who has slept in a baby crib, but then I confessed to my sister and she said "yeah, I've done that before." The crib is a hand-me-down from my nephews, so my sister, two nephews, my daughter and I have all slept in the same crib. Talk about a family bed! Anyway, all that to say, laying with her in the crib until she falls asleep might help with the transition. Just an idea.

I'm sorry this has been so hard for you. I wasn't prepared for it to be this hard either. I'll send happy sleep thoughts your way tonight.

[SarcastiCarrie]

I have "asked" my child to shut the hell up. And I have held his face and made him look right at me while I asked him "why are you doing this". Not my best moments. I do a lot of counting to TEN (a couple of times a day).

And the Pack-N-Play is the enemy of a good night's sleep if you haven't been using it all along. It is just too far down to lay a baby into it if your goal is to lay the baby down while asleep. A drop-side crib is better.

[Anon]

Oh.my.god. I remember that time period, and it SUCKED. At that time we had some bad circumstances, and were temporarily living in a friends basement. That meant that kiddo shared a bedroom with DH and I. Kiddo had a crib that he would nap in, but overnight was a cosleep. I have screamed at kiddo to shut the f up and sleep already. I have also smacked him a few times. You WILL get through this. It was rough. I sometimes still don't know how we got through it. Eventually he started sleeping again. Then he discovered how to climb out of his crib. That was a whole new nightmare:)

[Liza]

We didn't cosleep regularly, and moved size XXL baby out of the bassinet into a crib at 7 weeks when he outgrew it.

And we had a completely insane, exhausting, crazed sleep deprivation meltdown at 10.5 months.

My act of desperation was to move to CIO. Partner and I couldn't find a workable middle ground, so even though we hated it, we did it and it mostly worked.

However, we never did it for initial going to sleep, I always nursed to sleep, and now at 18 months, that's driving me crazy and he's waking up the minute he hits the crib mattress, so we're experimenting too.

[anon]

At around, probably 8 or so months, I screamed at my baby in the middle of the night. Or, it felt like it. The words didn't ring through the house, but I was so angry. Once he'd slept "through the night," like six hours, and it was so wonderful, and the next night he did it again. This his sleep got worse. That brief respite back to every couple hours awake again just did my sanity. I think it involved swearing. I felt crappy, and feel for the woman who wrote the main post. I just stayed with me, after I did it I sat on the floor and cried... It's probably the worst I've felt abot anything I've done.

Twice, I've lost it in th car at about the 18 month stage. Once, was in a snow storm and I was so wired about watching for ice, keeping the car safe, etc... etc... and baby was fretting and kitcking everything away, and suddnely it was just "shut up" ringing through the car. One other time not so long ago, more or less the same situation... he'd been kicking everything away from me for 4 hours - no toys, no food, no cup would suit... finally we get to a tricky merge and he's screaming, and I can't think and I need to merge in to the left where the road curves which I find hard to keep track of where all the cars are and same thing - shut up.

Felt crappy - but in my more rational moments, I say to myself that at least now I know what my triggers are (at least as far as the car goes) and can do better when I feel that tension build up.

[anon]

Sometimes I would scream back at my little baby as a stress release. Not a rip roaring loose control. but he'd be "aaahh aaahh" crying, and I'd "cry" back to him in the same way. It might seem mean to be mimicking him that way, but honestly I did not mean it that way... to me it was commisserating in his own language but I was feeling horrible at that point to, and I'd feel better.

May not help the original poster, but I thought sharing my coping mechanism might help someone else who did the same thing feel "normal" or give other people ideas. It's hard to figure all of this out and work out your own expectations, and live up to your high expectations, etc.

[Melissa]

Right at ten months was when Baby Girl started to crawl and nighttime was horrendous. She would wake and turn, cry out, etc. Naps were bad, too and there was many a time (and they still crop up as she is working on walking right now) when I would just put her in her crib, close the door, walk to the other end of the house, turn off the monitor, and veg out for ten (or fifteen) minutes.
I remember one night that this normally like clock-work girl (when it comes to bedtime) took an hour and 45minutes to get her to go to sleep (this is unheard of for us) while my parents were visiting us.
Needless to say, I lost it in a big way to anyone that got in my way. *sigh* Nothing like yelling at adults and your child to make you feel about 2 inches tall.

[jessica]

My heart really goes out to you, Anonymous...here are my suggestions for you.

Crib: Yes. Music: yes. Get a crib mobile (but put it near the crib, out of reach) and play it every time you put her to sleep. The music will program her mind to go to sleep; it works most of the time.

Oh, the hitting? Don't beat yourself up, it's a stress reaction and you're aware of it and don't want to continue so it's not going to be a problem. Besides, in a few *very* short months your daughter is going to hit you (hard with intent) when she wants you to wake up in the morning and play with her, and you are still lying in bed trying to steal a few extra seconds of sleep. (Is that just my saturday morning experience these days?) So she'll get you back, don't worry! :)

You're doing a great job, seriously- be gentle with yourself.

[Amy]

Forgive yourself. It is impossible to act rationally while severely sleep deprived. I think you need to use some of the suggestions above to try to get some sleep before you can properly evaluate the situation.

Our baby became a terrible co-sleeper with time as well. In addition, it was impossible for me to get up and shower for work at a reasonable time as she got older b/c I was afraid she would launch herself out of the bed. Come to find out she sleeps beautifully in a proper crib in her own room. Here's the catch for us: I rock her to sleep, and I mean ALL THE WAY asleep, both for the initial put down and the random night wakings. This has its drawbacks, but on the whole has worked. For one thing, it is much easier to get a sleeping baby into a proper crib than a PNP without waking her.

BTW- My husband has also considered trying to sleep in the crib with her for the random night wakings. Unfortunately, our crib does not have drop sides-- so the climbing in and out would be hilarious-- something I actually wouldn't mind seeing!

[ikate]

My girl is 10.5 months old and about 6 weeks ago for the first time in her life she started sleeping 10-12 hours a night. It was pure bliss! Ahhhh - I had forgotten what a solid 8 hours of sleep was like.

Then we went on vacation.

For the past two weeks she was woken up SCREAMING 2-3 times a night and cannot be comforted. She is also fussing and not going down easily, freaking out as soon as we lay her in the crib. This is slowly killing me and my husband. Somehow the constant lack of sleep for the first 9 months was something I got used to. But those 3 weeks of solid 8-9 hours I got have ruined me.

Three nights ago my husband and I, upon waking up to screaming at 1:20 AM decided in our haze that 5 minutes was all she was going to get. So I went in and cuddled and rocked her, kissed her, said "night-night" and left the room. She screamed for 2 hours. Hubby and I stared at the dark and cried, we felt awful but in our exhaustion we were just...done. We couldn't do it anymore. (FYI - we both work full time outside the home).

The next night she woke at 4 AM and after he did the routine she cried for 80 min. Last night? I don't know what happened but she went down very very easily and slept like a champ - 11 hours without a peep. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I feel like a new woman today. Until a few nights ago I would have argued to anyone that letting a child “cry it out” was awful and that there were other, more comforting and loving ways to get a child to sleep. I also would have told you that I would never work for my daughter, as she works herself up as she cries.

We both feel tremendous guilt for letting her cry and scream like that but we knew she was not hurt, not hungry, etc. But we knew that if we went to her again that we were both scared at what we would do/say/think in our exhaustion and frustration. And I know that this is not the first or last thing I will feel guilty about.

BTW- we never co-slept and she transitioned from bed-side bassinet in our room to crib in her own room at around 4 months. She is breastfed and never would take a bottle so she is extremely attached to me, and although she hasn’t “nursed down” for several months, I was the one she wanted when she woke in the night.

[hedra]

Moxie, I love you. You're so sane.

I like to pretend those phases never ever happened. My kids were never 10.5 months old. I never once screamed so loud at them that they froze, looked at me in terror, and burst into even louder wails. I never wept over my failings as a mom, my inability to cope (regardless of lack of sleep), or my surety that I was causing them lifelong trauma. Pretend pretend pretend... those phases are past, they're not relevant anymore. Only thing that is relevant is now. And now... well, now I lose it over different stuff.

10.5 months is not one of my favorites. Neither is 7 years, but the screaming frustration is much less frequent at 7 years, though the constant-ness of feeling at my wit's end is about the same - not looking forward to 7 three more times... sigh. 10.5 months is one of those ages where I wanted to climb out of my skin and just leave it there on the floor, flee the house, flee my kids.

For sleep, we coslept, but it was ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL to have enough room to do so, especially with the twins. That meant that we added a second queen with the twins (we had a sidecar crib with B, and G was in his own crib separate room at that age). Sleeping in the crib separately meant that I slept on the floor a lot, my arm through the crib slats, holding onto his foot. Sleeping in the sidecar crib meant sliding him or rolling him over into the crib section, nursing riiight on the seam or somewhat inside the crib area, so that his bed wouldn't jostle if I moved.

Our second was one of those who was desperate to stay in the thick of things with us, and who would wake and be UP if we weren't in bed at the same time. NOTHING worked. NOTHING. period. We eventually decided to change OUR bedtime to match his, and just get up earlier in the morning. It seems an odd solution, but having alone/together time well before dawn isn't that different from having it after sundown. The major bonus for us on this one was that we always knew if it was a bad night, because it was already past. Before, if we wanted to get something done, or were watching something interesting on tv, we'd stay up late, not knowing if it would be a bad night, or a good one. And come morning, either way, we were stuck HAVING to get up at the same time to get to work. Once we switched to getting up somewhere between 4 and 5:30 AM, we could be flexible about how long we actually slept. If it was a bad night, we could tack on some time, and watch the recorded show another day. If it was a good night, we could get up and do chores, pay bills, put away clothes, whatever (mainly after the twins came this was my DH doing that part, as my sleep was always disrupted). But we KNEW and so didn't shoot ourselves in the foot. I'm a night owl, so I thought it would be hard to adjust to - but it really wasn't. A few weeks is all, and I was fine.

So, that's another way to deal. The frequent waking after being put down is one of those situations I think that is dealt with in the new Ferber book, too - where the child has high expectations for the world to look the same on waking as it was when going to sleep. So if they rouse at all and things are different than they were at falling asleep, that kicks off alarm, which sets of adrenaline, and then you have to wait out the body reaction for the adrenaline to be processed out (which can take HOURS and leaves them more prone to waking again), before they go to sleep. B was like that, as is M, and they both freak a bit if the world has changed when they wake. R, thank God, will put her head down, and is just curious about what's new when she wakes. Makes her much easier to get down for naps, etc. (Actually, the twins thing is a blessing here, because they can go down together, and M expects R to be there as her primary companion, which is usually the case - so waking isn't an issue as long as R is there for naps - WOO!) Anyway, might be worth checking the Ferber (new edition only) for ideas on how to proceed.

What else. Hmm. Oh, yeah. Two weeks. My theme at that age was 'in two weeks, everything will be different'. No matter how awful it was, two weeks would change it. It was a period of time I could comprehend even sleep-deprived, and one I could imagine surviving to. It was, as my mom often says, 'a bridge to the future' - I just had to build a bridge that far, and things would be better. There might be new issues, but this issue would have changed. So, I'd build a bridge, any bridge at all, that could take me there. It doesn't matter what it is - getting two nights at a hotel, having help during the day, consuming more caffiene (presuming your child doesn't react to it), whatever it took to get me two weeks into the future. I didn't have to think of my 'bridge' as a forever thing, it was just a stop-gap, just a temporary structure, something that would un-stick me from the NOW I was stuck in.

I hope you're able to forgive yourself for the things you've done - we all deserve forgiveness from ourselves. It may even make it possible for you to forgive your mother, who had the same issues and lacked the same skills - think about it - she never taught you how to do this part of sleep, because SHE DID NOT KNOW HERSELF. Why would you magically have skills you were never taught? You're seeking them, that's GREAT. Forgive the lack of skills - they're not a lack of love, or talent at mothering, or anything more or less than skills. Forgive yourself, maybe forgive her, too (at least for that part), and move into regret rather than guilt or shame. Neither guilt nor shame are deserved - regret for the situation, regret for lacking skills you didn't even know you lacked, that's reasonable to live with. You're seeking the skills, and that's great! So much better than hiding the struggle and just wishing for more strength or kindness or function or resources to just suddenly exist, as if you could make them erupt in your psyche by love and will alone. All in all, I'd say you rock as a mom, just by trying to find a new way. This is exactly why my own mother says that I am a better mother than she ever was - she had great insight, and her skills and talents in some areas surpass my own, but she wasn't nearly as good at seeking out new answers when the ones she had didn't work. She tended to just try them harder, despite evidence that she was losing it more the more she tried to force the ineffective solution to be effective. So, congrats for seeking something new, instead of repeating what you know can cause problems down the line. :)

[kt]

Do not underestimate the affects of sleep deprivation. If you have the support, you're not a bad mom if you spend the night somewhere else. Get a break and let someone else deal with the baby for a night. Remember, sleep deprivation is a form of torture - so if you're not on top of your game, while sleep deprived and having to learn a whole new set of skills (with changes every few days) then is it really a big surprise? You're getting help, so I have faith you'll do better. Don't forget to reach out to those around you in the physical world.

[Laura]

Ah yes, we are in the middle of Wonder Week 46 HELL. Plus she is teething FOUR teeth. And we also decided to start transitioning her from the cosleeper bed to a crib at the foot of the bed.

This too shall pass...this too shall pass....this too shall pass...

[Alice]

You broke my heart, I can understand how you feel. My daughter is 8 months old and 2 weeks ago I thought I was going to go crazy, I worked out I had been having 4 hours of broken sleep a night. For the entire 8 months. 4 hours. I didn't nap during the day either. I sounded like you - desperate, crazy and didn't know how I was going to cope.

Alpha doesn't co-sleep but we live in a tiny one bedroom apartment so Alpha sleeps in a crib in our bedroom. I got up with her 5-6 times a night - on average. I couldn't take it any more, I had a major breakdown on my husband.

Husband to the rescue. He said 'he'd take it from here'. I slept on the couch for a week (I was so excited to go to bed every night), and DH let her cry for 3 minutes before getting her (she is a 'increases tension' girl). The first night was rough, the second night was better etc etc. I got sleep. I GOT SLEEP. By the end of the week I was feeling still foggy around the edges, but clear enough in the center to function better. And I have such love and awe for my daughter - for the FIRST time. It's sad but true, now I have my 'violins and angels' moments I thought I'd get when she was first born. Sleep is vital, to everything.

So maybe your husband can sleep with her for a week, and you sleep somewhere else. Just so you can then get some space before tackling the crib. I can handle life so much better!

Yes it's tough on the hubby, but my DH said that he feels closer to her and is not as angry with her now, he developed empathy and he felt awesome that he was helping to 'fix' the problem.

Last night, was night 2 back in the bedroom, going ok!

Good luck, I wish I could give you a hug.

[Lisa V]

I actually had one child who cosleeping was the problem. My others seemed to work well sleeping with us, but my second was always a light sleeper and seemed to never full settle down. After a couple of weeks transistioning her into a crib (with a fan in the room for white noise) she slept so much better.

And yes, I have done a ton of things I regret- I've been a mother for nearly 16 years and have four children. The important thing is that you don't make the same mistake over and over, that you learn from the ones you make.

[Blanca]

My baby boy is 10.5 months and we've never co-slept. But he's sleep has gotten worse too. Is mostly the going to sleep time. He pulls himself up on the side of the crib and screams and screams and screams... We kiss him goodnight again, lay him down in the crib and everything starts again. It can take us up to 45 minutes of screaming to get him to sleep.

We try one thing last night that seemed to worked, after laying him down to sleep several times and staying in the room for almost 30 minutes. My husband sat down on the floor so his face was at the same height than J and he played through the crib bars with daddy's nose until he fell sleep.

As Moxie said I don't think co-sleeping is the problem. Their increase of mobility makes sleeping time a whole new story.

Hang in there! You're not alone

[Maria]

First off, let me say that 10.5 months was sleep hell for us, too. Now (at 14 months) I've finally, finally transitioned Mio from being rocked to sleep to falling asleep in his crib *almost* by himself (I'm still holding his hand through the bars of the crib). This is how I went about the transition: I would sit IN the crib WITH him. This way, there wasn't such a stark contrast between falling asleep on a cozy mummy vs. alone in the crib.

Just in case, we took off the bottom of the crib and put it on the floor underneath the crib. With the mattress on top of it, he couldn't get under the sides of the crib. BUT, I have yet to find a crib/pack'n play that wouldn't hold both me and Mio.

I would let him fall asleep in my arms and then very gently lower him onto my lap, and then between my legs on the mattress. Later, I would put him down on the mattress and hold him until he fell asleep, and later still only hold his hands. Then we had a stage where I would put him down and sit crosslegged at the other side of the crib, holding one of my legs over him to settle him (keeping him from moving around really helped him to fall asleep, too bad swaddling could only last 5 months). And now I'm actually outside his crib, just holding his hand.

I realize it sounds like a lot of crib gymnastics, and frankly, it was, but it was definitely worth it.

[Julie]

I feel like I've had this conversation three times in as many days.......the one about how 9-10 months was AWFUL for us...not fun at all. My heart goes out to Anonymous, and a big hug for support.

I have no solutions.....and for me words like "It will get better" serve as a torturous carrot rather than words of comfort. It provides absolutely no help in the now to know that in a few weeks/months/years, you won't have this problem.

I remember something Hedra said a while ago about parenting yesterday's child and not today's child and all the havoc you find yourself in the middle of because of that....and I think you are in that uncomfortable place we all visit regularly where we have to re-adjust our routines and figure something new out b/c the old routine no longer works. I hope Moxie's suggestions for transitioning to a crib, or getting a mother's helper will work for you so you can get some of your personal space back. It's the dirty little secret no one tells you about when you become a mother.....the sometimes awful realization that no one is in charge of taking care of YOUR needs. You care for your baby, your husband, your pets if you have them....but who is taking care of YOU????? Sadly, sometimes even the most devoted husbands cannot fill this role. I am so lucky my mother lives very close and can help....but I will admit there have been times where I haven't needed her to help with the baby as much as I just needed her to hug me and let me put my head in her lap and be comforted by my mommy. Because sometimes it is just so so hard.

Which reminds me how important the mother/child relationship is, and how carefully it needs to be tended. So know you are doing everything right to protect that. Go easy on yourself. Be kind to yourself and know that every day is a chance to start fresh.

[Maureen]

Hi... first off thanks for sharing this post and all the replies. I think this is such a healthy mom support site - no judgements (moms typically give themselves enough of that on their own without help from other moms).

I think, sadly, my outlet for frustration has been aimed at my husband. At this point he practically can do nothing right. I feel bad about that, I really do but I haven't found another place to direct that. I am pretty burned out from all the taking care of everybody (him, my boys, my cat, the house, etc.). I completely agree with Julie - somewhere I've been lost in all that taking care of others and there is no one to take care of me.

My boys are now 2 1/2 and I have to keep reminding myself that this whole parenting things is truly a marathon - I've got a good 16+ more years to go. So, I need to remember/make the time to take care of myself somehow but that is ALWAYS the first thing to go when things get overwhelming.

Thanks again for all the supportive comments to Anon. I agree - you sound like a great, caring mom that is just at her whit's end. It is amazing how a little sleep can help soooo much.

[Megan]

I second Julie's comment that every day is a chance to start fresh. When I was going through my sleep deprivation torture (yes, it IS torture), I would still strive to greet the next morning with a cheerful attitude. My husband asked how I could do that, and I said that each new day I had hope that things would be better.

My 19-month-old still doesn't sleep through the night (not to freak anyone with a younger child out...sleep just ain't his thing), and cosleeping has never been very successful. He's too light and restless of a sleeper.

On the pack-n-play thing...I equate them to sleeping on someone's lumpy pull-out couch. Sure, you might eventually fall asleep, but you won't be very comfortable. DS slept in one at daycare, and would use it (reluctantly) when we traveled, but he has never slept as well in one as in a crib with a proper spring mattress. Not sure why they can't make a travel bed with a real mattress, but there you go.

I have certainly felt the desperation I read in your post, as have sooo many parents. I hope that you are able to find the support you need in this forum, and other places as well.

[Elizabeth]

My son is six months old and we just switched from co sleeping to having him sleep in a crib for many of the same reasons that that Anon mentioned. It may seem obvious (but it wasn't to me so I'm going to mention it anyway) but the thing that made all the difference for us in the transition are the room darkening shades we put up in his room. We never realized (until someone else told us) how dark the baby might need it to be able to actually sleep. So he goes in his crib, shades go down, noise machine goes on, mobile goes on, he cries for about three minutes, and then naps for hours.

[debra]

We are in the middle of this as well. We have two boys (4 and 11 mos) sharing a room. So when the baby came home almost a year ago, I immediately had him set up camp in our bed (more specifically, on top of me) as to not wake his brother. It worked great in the short term, and we are paying for these bad habits now.

About a month or two ago, the baby woke up in the middle of the night and started crawling around on our bed -- my DH and I were too exhausted to wake up (never thought *that* would happen..) and the baby fell off the bed. Terrible. I immediately realized the co-sleeping was no longer safe and the baby had to be in a crib. He also needed to learn to sleep in a position off of his mama. I started reading Weissbluth, and the new edition is not terrible and most makes a lot of sense to me. So, the baby is getting on a schedule. I am sleeping in the downstairs bedroom and my DH is handling the nights. Things are slowly getting better. I am feeling better -- it is amazing what a different woman (and mom) you can be with regular sleep.

Please take care of yourself and be kind. It will get better!

[Christine]

That was easily the worst age for us, sleep-wise, and Max has always been a craptacular sleeper.

Several months ago, while painting our kitchen, Paul asked how the dogs managed to put a hole in the wall. They didn't. That was where I put my foot through it one particularly grim night.

No advice. Just lots and lots of sympathy.

[Charisse]

Anon, I so feel your pain!! 11-13 months was very rough sleep for us, but I think the can't-get-the-kid-to-sleep-in-the-evening thing has been more soul-sucking than even Mouse's periods of lots of waking. (We had it at a different age for different reasons--2-plus-y.o. who was getting too much naptime.) When you are rounding 11pm and your obviously tired child just can't seem to settle her body no matter what you or partner do, I think it is completely natural to scream, cry, or break something, especially on month 3 or so of this. Now, we're all better--we got Mouse moved to a more active preschool program where she doesn't usually nap and now most nights we are blessed with 5 minutes of patting/humming after lights out.

Probably too much nap isn't your issue at 10 months, but if your kiddo hasn't given up the 3rd nap yet, you might want to look at that. Some kids have trouble sleeping if they haven't been awake for x number of hours, even if they're tired...ours went through a bit of this each time she transitioned down (3 naps to 2, 2 to 1, and 1 to none).

I agree with Moxie's suggestion of getting her into the crib, and at this point with a cry-increase-tensioner (like mine too) I'd probably not worry too much about independently going to sleep. Focus on getting her all the way deep down and comfortable so she'll stay down, then worry about the other stuff later. Some things that might help give her less reasons to wake up:

-put flannel or jersey sheets in the crib so it's not cold
-spend the $ for a high-quality waterproof mattress pad that isn't noisy (garnet hill makes a good one)
-see if you can get her interested in a lovey if she doesn't already have one--have the lovey be part of the whole bedtime routine including rocking/nursing or whatever your final thing is
-muffle the click of the dropside crib going up by wedging it with a cloth diaper
-do a slow transfer: stop rocking and wait a few minutes, then stand up and wait a couple minutes, then set her down and keep your arms there for a couple minutes...then slowly slip away
-play white noise or very soft music
-if you do end up in there with her for a while, find some stuff to do that's comforting but boring (mine has always found stories or eye contact too stimulating to go to sleep to--we've done humming, back patting, counting quietly--whatever)

For naps, would she sleep in her stroller by any chance? If so, and if walking is good thinking time for you, it might help a bit to do that. For morning, could there be a safe playspace for her in your bedroom so she can crawl around while you stay in bed? How about a mat and some toys in the bathroom so you can shower?

It sounds like you're doing great--it's just that right now you are on intense-focus duty from the moment you wake up all the way until you go to sleep. That's morally and spiritually exhausting. I'll make one more little suggestion (I would have felt guilty taking this one myself, but I think I really should have)...since the baby doesn't sleep well in the evening anyway, how about you and hubby go on a date? Just to dinner for a couple hours of adult conversation. If she won't sleep for whoever you get to watch her, well, you're not much behind where you were and you've gotten a break.

Best of luck to you--sending you a hug.

[Kate]

We had such a similar experience when my girl decided co-sleeping wasn't going to work any more (bed time became rock & roll & grab at everything time). I can't even remember the whole list of everything we tried, but the thing that actually worked was the program outlined in Jodi Mindell's book Sleeping through the Night. It took 4 days and her sleep got MUCH MUCH better, and bedtime became an actual pleasure (although she's still an early riser and that is painful). I also found that having a plan and promising myself I'd stick to it for a week helped me feel less desperate - just the idea that there was an action I could take made me feel somewhat empowered. But the key for me was to stick to it - not to jump from idea to idea from one day to the next. When I did that I just felt hopeless and awful. I keep having to reteach myself this same lesson - consistency - with each new issue we face. Someday I'll figure it out. Good luck!

[Lisa]

I have no place offering advice, as my 8 month old is still a craptacular sleeper (which means what for the upcoming sleep regression? I'm so afraid)

But one thing that we did recently that surprised me helped with the waking-up-every-30-minutes-after-bedtime thing. Since I am proprieter of the all night milk bar and we co-sleep, I assigned my husband all wake ups before I retire for the night. So simple, more than fair, and holy hell for the past week this kid slept for 5 hours straight. And even if he didn't, at least I didn't have to be the one to go in there and struggle with it all over again. So shaking up that routine, like Moxie mentioned, really helped that little piece. For now.

[Eve]

I just wanted to join the chorus of "I love this site." Such wonderful support and honesty! My daughter isn't even 8 months old yet, and already I've done things I regret, from yelling at her when she wouldn't stop screaming in her carseat (I literally just went over the edge, from lovingly cooing, "Honey-bun, you have to stay in your carseat to stay safe because we love you" to "Jesus Lord, you fucking baby, shut up RIGHT NOW!" in about three seconds) to bouncing her a little too roughly when she was only a few weeks old. And the cosleeping is going to have to stop soon for us, too, because she has woken my husband up almost every night this week by kicking him squarely in the crotch. He actually slept in an athletic cup last night, and that was a sign to us that something had to change. Good luck, anon.

[rudyinparis]

I have found--this probably isn't going to be useful at all--that I had/have endless patience with a baby. With the 15 month old, I don't recall ever feeling the slightest twinge of annoyance with her. But, oh, once they enter toddlerhood and older...my almost-4-yeay-old can push my buttons, and the anger and violence I feel capable of committing makes me feel sick to my stomach. These bad moments always are around sleep issues, too. I can't handle it. It's hard for me to talk about this. I guess I'm hoping that by posting I'll "out" myself and start to be better able to keep my act together. So I'm being self-indulgent. Anonymous, thanks for being so honest in your post. We need more of that in our culture. I'm really grateful to you.

[?]

Sigh.... I lost it when the kidlet was just over a year old. My mother flew here for his b-day, and then the plan was we were to drive to visit my grandmom, who was dying of cancer. Mother has not taken care of herself for years and was too weak to hold the kidlet even when he was a newborn, and she has narcissistic personality disorder, so having her around was more work/stress for me.

We were had to drive what should have been a 4.5 hour drive, but we had to stop every hour, mostly for my mother. After being in the carseat 6 hours, kidlet started to complain, and she was completely unable to help settle him down, and he got so upset he barfed all over the place twice. Did I mention is was pouring rain and nighttime by then, and on a rural stretch of the interstate? At one point, the baby was crying, she was pestering me to let her drive (not a good idea under the best driving conditions), and I had had enough. I started to scream at both of them to shut up shut up shut up so loud it hurt my own ears.

This was almost a year ago, and I still feel so guilty. Most of my family is so f'ed up and I am determined not to repeat their mistakes, but in that moment, I forgot all my promises to myself.

[Jen]

I never smacked when my boy was this age, but oh, the profanity that came out of my mouth in the middle of the night!

We had similar issues at 9/10 months, and it was utter hell. We ended up doing the sidecar crib/bed thing, moving our guest bed into his nursery and securing it to the crib, whose front side we removed. We started with me nursing him to sleep, me on the bed, him in the crib. That got him used to the crib, and I could safely leave him there in his crib while I went about my business (with the monitor on, of course, and making sure he couldn't fall between the crib & bed). After a week or so of that, I started nursing him while sitting up, and placing him in the crib. If he startled, I'd be right there next to him. Finally, once he seemed more used to being placed down in the crib (another week or so), we put the side rail back up on the crib, and I stayed in the room, in the bed, for another week or so. It helped soooooo much, just to have a few hours a day (naps and after his bedtime) that were mine alone.

Now, at 16 months, he takes long (2 hour) naps exclusively in his crib, and sleeps exclusively in his crib. He still wakes up 1-3 times a night, but usually goes back to sleep fairly easily. It's much, much better now, and I think it's largely due to developmental changes, combined with the gentle, gradual acclimation to his crib.

Best of luck!

[rudyinparis]

I realized I should probably say what behavior I do that I feel so bad about... By not detailing that, I guess I could leave the impression I'm punching my kid in the face or something. Which I'm not. What I have done: screamed "SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!" a hugely horrible thing as "shut up" is expressly forbidden in our house. I also have grabbed her in a fierce Very Tight hug in an attempt to get her to stop screaming her head off, a distinction I realize is academic. It's not a hug. And one time, the worst, I held her down by the shoulders while yelling shut up. All of these instances are in the middle of the night when she's awoken and for whatever reason can't be calmed. I DO think I'm horrible for these things. And you could tell me you've done the equivalent and I would still think I'm a worse person.

[Monica]

This also brought tears to my eyes because OH, sleep is STILL SO HARD and she's two. She's still a "nurse to sleep" girl...doesn't know any other way. We bought a toddler bed but its so low it doesn't work very well for her.

Deep breath.

I second (well, more than second) what everyone is saying. I've also done things I regret (screaming back "what the hell is wrong with you? during a tantrum just a few days ago, as a matter of fact. Two is tough)...we're only human. And sleep...is a human need. Hang in there. Good luck.

And YES, I do think that cosleeping can make a bad situation worse with certain babies. I coslept because my husband felt very strongly about it, and I think it's made her a much lighter sleeper, and an inveterate all-night nurser. I will NOT cosleep past six months with the next one. You may quote me on that one. :(

Good luck, anon. You are in a hard place. Be gentle with yourself.

[r0ckaby3]

I remember it feeling like all the other moms had babies that were sleeping through the night at that age and they would ask how DS was sleeping and I'd lie! It is still tough with DS turning 2 next week and his sleep just taking a nosedive the past 2 weeks.

He slept in a swing next to our bed for 5 1/2 months (major spit up child). Then we transitioned to the crib in his room. We did the bedtime routine, leave him, go in after 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes. He figured it out in about a week, how to put himself to bed. However, he still woke up to nurse himself back to sleep until he self-weaned at 13 months; that was the key for us.

Whenever he has a sleep regression, we just go back to the original plan, go in after 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, etc...

I have to admit that last night I went and laid down with him on the futon in his room for an hour, then called to daddy for his cup of water, then put him down in his toddler bed. It may have taken an hour, but it was a lot less painful than hearing him cry out "Mama hold you, hold you mama". Do whatever you can now to teach your little one to sleep because as soon as they can talk, it is in more ways even worse to hear them calling out to you!

And, I highly second the let DH take it over for a couple nights until you are sane again! You will feel like a new person (we even talked about me going to a hotel for a couple nights, but that never actually had to happen).

[PBfish]

Oh man. This is scaring me. My 8 month old had done really well with sleeping for a short while and now has started waking every couple of hours. Am I in for it??
Thanks to everyone who writes in for being so kind to Anonymous and sharing their stories. I don't think I've seen any online forum that is so positive. Wow.
Thanks to Moxie for having this blog, I read it religiously.

[neutral]

my 4-month-old needs to have a little cry at almost every naptime. i think it's how she winds down. but every time it still makes me crazy that she fights it and it's so frustrating that she won't just LEARN and ACCEPT sleep when she is clearly tired! sooooo... when i'm patting her bum to help her soothe to sleep, sometimes i pat a little harder than i should feel comfortable with. she wears thick cloth diapers and i know i'm not hurting her, but it usually startles her enough to get her to stop wailing and finally close her mouth onto her paci. i just hate my feelings of rage behind that harder bum-pat. it's like i want to spank her, and she didn't even do anything wrong! ugh, you are not alone in your frustrations.

one thing you might want to try is three consecutive nights of pick-up/put-down. although i'm wary of most "experts", i have seen it work repeatedly on the baby whisperer show. and you can even enlist husband/mother-in-law/friend to take turns with you.

lay her in the crib, she will cry, you pick her up, reassure her until she calms (however long it takes... assume you will get little or no sleep these 3 nights) tell her over and over, "you're just going to sleep, it's ok, i'm right here". as soon as she is calmed down, and i mean right away, back in the crib. this may need to be repeated numerous times... the baby whisperer tells one story of a child who had to be picked up over 100 times the first night, 40 something times the second night, and only 5 times the third night (fourth night, none at all). it's going to be three nights of hell, but you have to focus on the goal and stick with it!

i hope you find a solution, or compromise, or a break !

[A]

I am amazed, really amazed, at how kind and supportive every single one of these comments has been. Thank you, Moxie, for providing such a forum! My problem now is that I am truly frightened about what must be waiting for me around the corner. Our sleep issues seems like teeny, tiny bumps in the road - bits of gravel, really - compared to all of these stories. To think I have been agonizing over the 20 minutes of sitting next to the crib listening to babbling until baby drifts off. I bet I end up with an out of control temper tantrum artist or playground bully, or something. Frick.

[Alina]

I know how you feel. My 11 month old is going through a very difficult sleep stage. He just started walking, so maybe that has something to do with it. He screams whenever we put him to bed and wakes in the middle of the night screaming and jumping in the crib like a wild man. This is particularly hard because I (naively) thought we were over the sleep hump. He had been a bad sleeper until he was about 8 months old and then started sleeping decently well. We could count on about 4-5 solid nights of sleep a week, which anyone in my position knows is a godsend!! What's really helped me is that I've decided to lighten up on myself. When he starts screaming in the middle of the night, I will go to him, but if he just won't go back to sleep with me there, I lay him down, kiss him, and head back to my bed (which is in a separate room). I've decided that I just can't be a good middle of the night parent right now because I'm too tired (my Dad died just recently, my grandmother is about to die, I just graduated from law school and took the bar exam, etc.... things that make a gal tired!!). I feel bad about this, because I'm not philosophically a fan of CIO, but it doesn't seem to be taking too much of an emotional toll on my son as he is delightful and trusting all day long and he does fall back to sleep after about 20 minutes or so (I'm so tired, I can't really keep track of the time). I just can't be philosophical in the middle of the night right now.

I think it's interesting that we all draw different lines with respect to our behavior toward our children. Smacking my child or verbally losing patience with my child are unacceptable to me and I just won't do those things. This could be because my Dad did both of these things to me and I didn't like his behavior and don't want to repeat it. However, I do leave my son alone, crying hysterically, in the middle of the night and I verbally take my frustration out on my (very involved, supportive, kind) husband, two behaviors that probably are not so good for my son, either.

So, I don't have much to offer other than: hang in there and you are not alone!!!

[Dawn]

We're not members of the good sleep club here either. We cosleep b/c if I wake completely up then it takes me an hour to get back to sleep (long after baby is asleep again).

Hubs was out on business Tues night (getting an uninterrupted night of sleep). Last night I commented when baby was asleep around nine that he was getting more reliable about sleeping 4.5-5 hours a night.

Ha. He was of course up at 12, 2, and 3 (while my hubs slept through it and was f'ing SNORING). I woke hubs up at 3 to take over. At 4 he was changing a diaper and the smoke alarm went off. (for no reason). I was awake and stewing about a few choice issues until 515. Baby woke at 530. I then realized hubs was PLAYING WITH THE BABY IN BED. I took baby, tried to feed him. Baby screamed.

I then said "GD-it he's supposed to be asleep!" and then.. wait for it... kicked my feet and pounded my fists on the bed like a toddler in a tantrum whining (oh yes, whining) "I just want some sleep!"

Hubs took baby downstairs. I went and told him to come back up "b/c I was fing wide awake anyway."

Sigh. Now baby is sleeping by me. I'd sleep but I'm afraid if he wakes me up again that I'll play baby pong.

Other highlights of mommyhood: My cell phone is yellow on the back now, interestingly enough the EXACT same color as is on the bedroom wall. Throwing that phone against the wall felt really good - and doesn't merit a CPS/DFS call.

Hang in there.

[UsefulCribs]

My baby is 10 months and we often co-sleep with her through the latter part of the night. The other morning, I feel back asleep after my boyfriend went to work. SMACK! She had crawled right off the bed. She was fine but was a little surprised, to say the least. My heart stopped of course. ("bad mom!")

In any case, she's never crawled off the edge of her crib. ;-) Really nice having a safe place to put her when I'm beyond exhausted.

I also keep books in the crib. If she doesn't feel like sleeping but I need 10 more minutes, she can "read a book". It actually works really well for us. It helps redefine the "baby jail" label as more of a "baby clubhouse".