Q&A: newborn how-tos?

Nancy writes:

"I've been enjoying your site for months now, and finally our babies are here.  Yes, twin girls, born 3 weeks ago today!  They are lovely and fun - and I am a nervous first time mom.  I would love to see a posting about "what the heck do I do now that the baby is HERE??" panic that I feel on many days.  I'm getting the hang of living with less sleep and am learning to respond to their needs, but honestly... is there a list of things I "should" be doing at this early stage, or is it really all about keeping them fed, dry and cuddled, and the rest takes care of itself?

Ok, I'm an engineer, and I'm used to procedures and data and all that stuff.  These babies have rocked my world in a really good way, but I'm kind of lost without my procedures and data.  I realized pretty quick that logging their feedings and diaper contents was satisfying my data collection needs but was making me crazy and stressed, so I've cut that out now that they've surpassed their birthweights and I know they're well fed and content.  I'm having a really tough time letting go of the need for procedures though, or some basic "how-to" guide.  Is there such a thing for little babies?  For how long do they count as "newborns"? Several people (including members of our local moms of twins club) seem to indicate the first two weeks are the hardest -- so I feel good for all of us getting through them.  But what now?  The Wonder Weeks book doesn't kick in til 5 weeks.

Am I being to anal retentive?  Have you any advice? There are so many knowledgeable moms who read and comment on your site. Everyone had to have started off as a nervous new mom though... what did you do back then?"

Well, my mother* says, "If, at the end of the day, you're alive and the baby's alive, you're doing an excellent job." And I have to agree with her. The first 8 to 12 (OK, 14 or 20) weeks are just about keeping your head above water. Is everyone (including yourself) fed? Diapers changed? Some semblance of sleep happening? No bodily pain? Then you're doing everything right.

Honestly, there's nothing you need to be doing at this age. Babies like movement, and it's good for them, so if you could wear them around some it would be nice. And playing music and singing to them would make them happy, too. But at this age they're really just working on getting organized, growing, learning that their needs will be attended to, learning what love is, and being snuggled. Everything else is, at best extraneous, and at worst overstimulating**.

I think that because you know you like checklists and data, you should start keeping track of something that's interesting and is going to vary, but won't stress you out like the eating did. I guess I'd go for poop, because it changes so much in the first 12 weeks. Both of my kids changed the frequency of their poop every time they hit a growth spurt (3 and 6 weeks and 3 and 6 months). You could make a number of interesting graphs and charts of the poop, especially with two kids.

I can't speak to twins, because I haven't had them, so I'm going to ask the moms of multiples to comment about the two-week thing. (Linda, Hedra, Jody? Everyone else I've forgotten?) With both of my singletons 6-8 weeks were the worst, but maybe it's different with twins. (A postpartum doula friend of mine swears that there's some major digestive thing that must happen around 6 weeks, because she has yet to see a baby who doesn't go through a cranky stage that's accompanied by excess gas or spitting up at that age. She thinks it's a normal developmental blip that passes as inexplicably as it comes for most babies. So I'm going to guess twins hit that same thing, too)

But right after that nasty 6-week age it seems like the babies start to organize themselves a little more in terms of sleep and eating. You can start some kind of routine based loosely on feeding them every few hours, making sure to fit in a trip outside every day to maintain your own sanity. Then by 4.5 or 5 months or so the bedtime routine is solid for them and they may even be taking solid naps during the day, and it all seems to make sense.

I think that if you're looking for something to do (which amazes me because at 3 weeks with my first singleton I could barely put on my own socks) your time is going to be best spent by observing your girls to start to figure out their personalities and what they like and don't like, how they respond to different kids of touch and stimulation, how they like to fall asleep, etc. Having this knowledge of them is going to pay off for the rest of their lives, so it doesn't hurt to start looking for clues early.

Did anyone have anything resembling a routine at 3 weeks? I guess I can't imagine, since the babies are still changing daily at that age. But I know some of you are more structure-oriented than I am and probably came up with something that helped you feel more proactive about the minute-by-minute interaction. If you did, please share with Nancy.

* I know you guys must get sick of hearing about my mom all the time. She's not perfect, of course, but she does have a lot of common sense, and she's extremely sympathetic to mothers in the trenches. It's made my life much easier that she doesn't suffer from that rose-colored amnesia plenty of grandmothers seem to be struck by as soon as their children become parents.

** I just spent a full 5 minutes trying to figure out how to punctuate that sentence correctly. Editors/pedants in the crowd, what would you have done?

Comments

[Prakriti]

If you're looking for a "how to" manual on how to play/communicate with your babies, I recommend The Social Baby by Lynne Murray and Liz Andrews. This book will totally satisfy the engineer in any one. They have step by step pictures of newborn babies playing and interacting and explanations of whats going on. Plus, the book comes with this swirly lollipop toy that is irresistible to babies.

[Andromeda]

"Everything else is at best extraneous, and at worst overstimulating" or "Everything else is, at best, extraneous, and at worst overstimulating."

"At best" is sort of a parenthetical, so I think it needs commas fore-and-aft or not at all. The comma between "extraneous" and "and" separates the two halves of the sentence nicely and helps the pacing.

Not an editor, just a pedant :).

[Jill]

I don't have any advice for Nancy - I'm doing my best to block the memories of the early weeks with my kiddos. ;-) At three weeks (especially with twins!), if you're making it through each day, you're doing great.

But ditto Andromeda on the punctuation. I'd go with "Everything else is at best extraneous, and at worst overstimulating". Too many commas in one sentence get to me for some reason.

[Shanna]

"Everything else is, at best, extraneous and, at worst, overstimulating."
or
"Everything else is at best, extraneous, and at worst, overstimulating."

Gotta set off either the "at best" and "at worst" or else the "extraneous" and "overstimulating." No comma before the "and" (unless it's setting off "extraneous"), because the second part of the sentence could not stand on its own.

*ahem*

Mom of 6.5 month old twins here. At three weeks I found the best thing to "do" with them was to let them chill out. When that was boring for me, I'd let them do it in the stroller at our local ice cream shop or Starbucks or whatever. Or just on a walk. The hardest part is that there is no schedule at three weeks, especially not for twins. (Hell, at six months they still have no schedule coordination...my daughter started the day around 5 AM today and is sitting on my lap right now...my son needed a PJ change at 5:20 but went back to sleep...and still is. The only thing they reliably do together is bedtime.) I think six-weeks-ish was pretty bad, but it's all kinda fuzzy now. I do remember just dealing with nursing in public, even when it meant spraying a restaurant booth with breastmilk (eep) (more than once) (at the same place), because I just could not manage to feed both, get us all ready to go out, go out, and spend any significnat period of time outside before one of them needed to nurse...little babies just nurse too long and too frequently for that to work with two.

Which is not what you asked about. But, really, at three weeks I don't think my kids needed much more from us besides food, clothing, diapers, cuddles, and sleep-assistance. I don't think I even started dancing around with them much until they were over a month old. Have a few high-contrast objects in their fields of vision, let them explore your face and hands, and save your energy for the middle of the night. :)

[giddy]

Check out www.trixietracker.com and www.trixieupdate.com. This dad, when his daughter was born, developed some software to track things of interest to him (milk intake, as his wife pumped and was working), sleep, and poop....and then periodically he looked at the patterns and wrote about them. It was pretty cool, if over the top.

[paola]

Oh, I was right(!), but wasn't going to bother contributing on the punctuation thing. In my case, just an English language teacher who still gets confused with commas (did I use them right in this sentence?)

What I noticed with my firstborn, was a huge burst of energy in the first month or so. I was anticipating even his wakes in the middle of the night as I just couldn't wait to get my arms around him. I was just so in love. I wrote down what time he nursed and for how long and noted from which breast and this went on way past when he started on solids. When he slept I spent hours researching stuff on the internet, spending very little time looking after myself. Everything came crashing down around 8 weeks when I went into depression mode. I was pretty down until he was around 4 months old when spring started and I was out with him getting some sunlight, meeting other mothers etc.

I realise now that I should really have taken things a lot easier. In fact, with my second, I fortunately didn't suffer from PND, but occasionally felt some of those old feelings rearing their ugly head, particularly when I was doing too much. I just started to take things easier again and that seemed to help.

Remember it really is important to look after YOU. Don't be sucked in by all that adrenaline, as it's there for a reason.

[LauraC]

Mom to 14 month old twins here, and also an engineer.

I did not find the first two weeks to be the hardest. The babies slept so much and did relatively little. I spent a lot of time wondering what was "so hard" about twins! I regret those thoughts now.

It was the 3 months after that, when they were awake more and NEEDED stuff that I found extremely difficult. Seemed like there was always a baby crying.

The tough lessons for me were:

1. Live in the moment. Enjoy them now and relax.

2. You can't make a happy baby happier. Besides feeding, sleeping, and changing, babies don't need much the first 3 months except lots of love and attention. If they're happy, don't worry about what you "should" be doing. If they're happy, you're doing what you should be.

3. SLEEP WHEN YOU CAN.

[Suzanne]

3 weeks is when things got kind of difficult for us, my daughter started having a fussy time every evening between 7-10 and it was exhausting to try every trick to console her. At that age I was just trying to make sure I had all the basics covered and was able to shower every day. At about 6 weeks the fussy time ended, she started smiling, and during her awake/alert time she was more content and then I started doing things like reading to her or just having her hang out in a bouncy seat with me when I prepared a meal.

I'm hardly an expert since my baby's only 10 weeks old now but I think you and the baby(ies) will just sort of fall into a routine and figure out what works best for all of you. And then of course it will change....and change again. Just be flexible.

[Lisa]

I would just add that on the off chance that your twins came a bit early, the magical 6 week mark needs to be adjusted for their due date. My son was a month early, and when 6 weeks came and went with no sign of the magical turning point so many folks describe, I began to despair that I had some mutant baby or something. I mean, even Moxie said 6 weeks was a turning point! Then lo and behold, 10 weeks came (which would have been 6 weeks had he actually been born on his due date) and presto! It's like he woke up and became aware of his surroundings in a new way...

Of course all that changed with the 4 month sleep regression....which we don't seem to have ever cleared but that's yesterday's post.

And I also found the later months to be challenging in a new way because he really started to have more complicated needs and could express his displeasure quite clearly. Like around month 5 when he needed to MOVE and his body just wasn't there yet and he was PISSED. Much better now that he's doing the army crawl and can get places (and still ok for me cause it's a slow crawl and I don't worry that he'll be in another room if I blink twice).

[Tina]

I have 9 month old twins and I love charts/data, etc. I still keep a schedule for each girl. The chart has changed over the months - starting off w/ listing times bf, wet diapers, dirty diapers. Now it has time and oz of formula, type and amount of solids, type and amount of medicine. I find it helpful since we have 3 different people caring for the babies at different times each day 9 (hubby, nanny, me). I couldn't live without it!! I swear I would accidently feed one 10 bottles a day and I would wonder why the other was crying! LOL

The best advice I can give you is to sleep when you can (my girls didn't sttn until last week), relax and enjoy each stage as much as possible and know, when the tandem crying comes - this too shall pass!! :)

Enjoy! Twins are awesome!! I had a very rough first 4/5 months - but it was all worth it. Within the past few months as their personalities have developed - I have enjoyed every second!! Well almost every second. :)

[amy]

Shanna's first version is the one I'd go with.

For Nancy, congratulations! I wish I had more to offer than that. :)

[Foster]

http://www.trixietracker.com/

[hydrogeek]

I've got an almost 8 month old girl, and I think it was around 3 weeks old that I figured out the 'Every Other Time' rule for her. If she was dry and cuddled, then every other fussy period was because she was hungry, and the next one she was sleepy. There was not really a set amount of time between the fussy periods, but it helped me to figure out the pattern of what was going on. I'm also an engineer, and quickly decided the feeding charts were stressing me out too much, but that trixietracker thing looks pretty interesting. Also, I think Suzanne is Supermom if she got a shower every day! I only had one baby and thought I was doing pretty well to get a shower every other day. Of course, if you have enough help, a break every day long enough for a shower is WONDERFUL. Good luck and congratulations!

[cagey]

My newborn daughter just turned 4 weeks old (and I have a 21 month old toddler son as well). I will totally be reading all these comments!

My #1 piece of advice is to just try and keep perspective on the Bad Days - meaning, that this is all temporary - eventually kids learn how to sleep, right?

My #2 piece of advice is to keep a minimum set of what's important for you to retain your sanity. For example, in my case, it's a shower EVERY day, a bit of makeup and clean hair. Housewise, at a very minimum, the kitchen is always cleaned and my bed is made. I've found if these things are done, I feel okay - it will be different for everyone, though.

My #3 piece of advice is to let the non-important things go and just snuggle your babies as much possible. This is the one I have the most difficulty with, honestly. But, I learned with my toddler, that I've never regretted letting some non-essential things pile up while spending time with him instead.

I agree with the commenter who said that she found the newborn stage to not be the hardest. I found trying to entertain a 3 month old the hardest. Until my son could sit up and play with toys, we really struggled. Fortunately, he loved his stroller and being out and about. Sitting at home? Not so much.

[BrooklynGirl]

I'd go with:

"Everything else is, at best, extraneous and, at worst, overstimulating."

The phrases "at best" and "at worst" are interjections and should be set off by commas, and because it's not a compound sentence (there's no new subject after "and"), you don't need a comma before "and."

I kept a whole notebook of charts and data for my first child. With my second, I'm lucky if I can find a pen, much less write anything down!

[SarcastiCarrie]

Everything else is, at best, extraneous and, at worst, overstimulating.

My husband and I are both engineers and we graphed everything for about 9 months (length, weight, feedings, which side, duration, spit ups, diapers, consistency of said diapers, naps, solids, bath, bedtime, naptimes, etc...for 9 months). People thought we were nuts, but I found it comforting. Also, looking back on those now is fun. At one point during the sleep deprivation, I wrote down that my son nursed on the left side from 1:13 am to 17Y. That makes no sense, but I guess I was a leeeetle tired. That page will be pasted into the baby book with the note that he did not sleep all the way through the night until morning until he was 2 years old (and not even reliably then).

[hedra]

My twins are heading on toward 3 years old, so the early days are a bit fuzzy...

But what I remember was that while I liked charting/tracking for one, for twins, it was really annoying. And incredibly useful, at least at first (R had jaundice and was on a biliblanket, and had to have all intake and output tracked).

Beyond that, what I've always used is a calendar. I marked anything notable on it - M fussy, R not. Weird green poop. Sleep disruptions. Rolling over and other 'manufactured events of infancy' (LOL!). Illnesses and medications (I make little boxes to mark off the dose-giving for each child, since they often were both gastly ill at once, but offset by a few days). Using the calendar, I figured out that one hit fussy stages about three days before the other (huh, funny, I ovulated 3 days apart, too!). I could use it to reconstruct developmental points that doctors and therapists seemed to want in their medical history info.

Beyond that, the only thing I focussed on at that point was sleep, and eating. MINE, that is. Our house rule was that I was not to get out of bed at all until I had 8 hours sleep (total, obviously NOT uninterrupted blocks!). Sometimes I didn't get out of bed until 11 AM, other days until 1 PM! But I functioned very well on my shortened days (I also went to bed around 8:30 PM) - even though I still had sleep deprivation due to lack of long blocks (4+ hours). Eating enough for me to maintain supply and sanity and not lose too much weight was also important.

Weeks 3-... um, sometime around 9 months? were the hardest. First two weeks, I was running on shock and awe. After that, I was trying to learn two babies cues, which differed, trying to figure out when/how to feed them in tandem/apart, what each one needed at nursing sessions (one had reflux and a smaller stomach and needed to take a break and then come back, the other just chugged until she was done, and then was done. And then I developed PPD, and ... well, things get fuzzy again then (less quality sleep). But perk back up around 9 months or so.

I hope you have enough help! And babyproof the heck out of the house. Once they're mobile... well, they have no sense, and when you put two kids who know each other well, know your reactions well, and have no sense into the same space for any length of time, they develop even less sense collectively. More creativity, less safety. Whee.

Love them, though. Love the early weeks of watching them. Learning them, learning how they change, etc.

Oh, for your engineer mind, the book 'What's Going on in There?' is a good one - very research-based, so you have more detail about the processes you'll be observing (more depth than The Wonder Weeks, though overlaps).

[yasmara]

I have singletons 19 months apart and I have to say that I found the most challenging stage to be 5-9 months (or maybe 5 months to walking). It was an adjustment to get used to a newborn, but I found early postpartum to be much, much better than late pregnancy. I remember in the early weeks feeling a little guilty on some days that I was just hanging around the house with the baby breastfeeding and napping while my husband went to work. Other days I flung the baby (not literally) at my husband when he got home from work because it had been screamy screamy all afternoon (and all of the pacing, rocking, bouncing, etc. that goes with trying to stop the screaming).

2nd baby is 8 months old now and, as someone mentioned earlier, I find this "wants to be more mobile than he is" stage the most exhausting. He scoots rapidly across the floor and has pulled himself up on his own once (on the bathtub - yikes!) but can't do a true crawl yet and can't stand reliably on his own, but he wants to so badly. He is also on a "nurse like a newborn" growth spurt (in addition to solids) and is very grabby with his hands (and accompanying razor sharp fingernails). When he's up, he wants down, but when he's down he either wants up or to fling the cat food across the kitchen.

He's also smiley, laughs at anything his older brother does, and is generally a very cheerful, happy kid, but I honestly can't wait until his gross motor skills catch up with his desire to move/stand.

[Julie]

Hm....I think keeping track of all the interesting things they are doing might satisfy your need for data....and having two data sets? Mmmm. Yummy.

I also kept charts on eating - how much, how often, how it related to night sleep etc. and it drove me mad. Did it anyways, but I was constantly stressed about it until I realized it didn't matter. Keep track of something fun that you will look back on and remember with joy.

As for schedules, I have no clue when Alex hit his schedule - at 3 weeks I just tried to feed him every 3-4 hours, and let him sleep around every 3-4 hours. I don't remember anything else about that time other than I was terrified to leave the house with him due to the possibility of cars jumping the curb or environmental disasters (we've done a post on this already).....the rest I think is lost to new momy amnesia.

Enjoy them while they are still tiny and unable to move around too much. I LOVED Hedra's rule about not being allowed out of bed until she'd had 8 hours of sleep. That sounds wonderful.

Good luck and try not to worry too much. You're doing everything right and you know your babies the best.

[Maureen]

My twin boys are almost 2 1/2 years old so the early times are a bit fuzzy; however, I do remember the first couple months being really rough, the next couple months being rough but slightly better, and so on until we've reached this point. Each month seemed a little easier - I think each stage is easier but it is not just that but rather that combined with the fact that I gained confidence as a mom as I went so I could face the next phase a little better.

I'd say with twins the first couple weeks are overwhelming but manageable (you typically have a little more help in those early weeks and the babies aren't yet waking up hungry but rather being woken up to eat). Once the help leaves and the babies start waking up hungry, I think that is when it gets tough. Watching one baby cry while you are feeding the other is so rough. My advise is to get them on a tandum/same schedule - sleeping and eating - that is key! (Even if it means waking one twin up in the middle of the night if the other wakes up)

We also "charted" details. I think with two babies and being sleep deprived, it is amazing how hard it is to remember whick baby pooped that day. The pediatrician will ask you at each well-check how much on average (oz for formula; time for breast feeding) each child eats each day and then also how many poops each has on an average day. Without notes, you will never remember. We too have kept up the "chart" (just a yellow lined paper pad) for coverage (I know it will also help with potty training as we will know for each boy what time(s) they are typically pooping) - it has now just moved to what foods they eat at each meal and when/if they pooped.

That said, I am sooo happy I have my twin boys. They are the best thing ever and as each month has gone along and I see them playing together/talking, it just can't get more amazing. And, good for you for joining your local twins club - they are a great resource.

Congratulations!

[hedra]

(I wanted to add that the 'stay in bed' meant *with* the babies, in general, unless I had help there at that particular moment, in which case, they could wander off with them to play. We coslept, but a side-car or crib setup near the bed might also function fine. Babies in another room doesn't work so well, because of having to GET UP to go feed/change, etc., though if you sleep well in a recliner, putting one in the babies' room might help. If I didn't get out of bed, I could usually drift back to sleep when they konked out.)

[Jan]

As far as something to document: I have a friend who made it a point to take a picture of her little guy on the same day of the week all the way through his first year. I am so jealous that she has that record of how he grew. I would totally do that with another one.

Weeks 5-7 are definitely the hardest, I think especially with twins, because every baby I've ever known has wanted to be held every minute during that time. And preferably rocked and bounced and sung to and nursed all at the same time. Which I can see being tricky with twins unless you have some really dedicated help.

I think at 3 weeks you can definitely start thinking about what you'd like your daily routine to start looking like. The babies won't cooperate yet, but you can start edging it that way.

Actually, at risk of seeming like I'm pimping myself here, here's something I wrote awhile back (on my old blog) for a friend about how we 'did' sleep at our house, and it wound up being pretty painless, relatively speaking:

http://canterin.blogspot.com/2007/02/sleep-thing-introduction.html
http://canterin.blogspot.com/2007/02/sleep-thing-steps-1-and-2.html

FWIW, It sounds like you're doing GREAT for a mom of 3-week-old twins! I hope you're getting a chance to enjoy them a little.

[Fahmi]

As a former consultant myself, it was hard for me to not have a plan, a schedule, or a to-do list when my son was born. I started keeping track of when he ate, slept, cried, and had a diaper change when he was 6 weeks old, and it felt the like the universe had finally righted itself. Until then, it was lurching from one sleep session to another, feeding all the time, and just generally trying to keep the kid dry and quiet. To appease my need for order, I started tracking myself - did I have a shower today? How many meals did I eat? And I realized that was a good thing, because otherwise, I would have forgotten!

I also started making lists of groceries that we needed, and making calls to people to ask them to do it for me, or figuring out if we needed laundry. Basically, I just put my organization skills to get everything around me running without my having to do it.

For the first few weeks, I worried about tummy time, massages, reading to him, giving enough classical music for stimulation, giving mobile time, and then I said heck with it. If I had the energy, I gave him a massage. If I was tired of carrying him and he seemed generally calm, I put him in his chair and turned on the stereo. But for the most part, I held him, nursed him, and wore a sling for the first six weeks.

Good luck, especially with two!

[Carla Hinkle]

I found the hard times didn't start until 6 weeks, when my mom left. :-)

Actually when they are little, it isn't so bad -- they don't really NEED much. (Though with 2 you can't sit on the couch nursing and watching Tivo all day, probably, like I did with my 1st singleton.)

Definitely check out the Trixie Tracker.

Don't worry about what they need to "do," I did this with my first and I think I overstimulated her a lot (messing up naps, etc).

Actually, I think the 4-8 month period, when they are very aware of what is going on but aren't yet mobile, are much more challenging than the newborn phase. Also since my 2 slept well from 6 weeks to about 6 months and then it all went to hell for a few months. (About the time they got mobile -- huh, go figure.)

You sound like you're doing GREAT!!! My sister in law you had twins says she barely remembers the 1st 3 months.

[Rhonda]

My twins are almost 22 months old (19 months adjusted). We found the first 3 months they were home (they came home from the NICU at 36 weeks gestational age) to be the most difficult. Our goal was to keep them clean, dry, fed, comfortable, and well rested. They don't really need much else for those first couple of months. We did a lot of cuddling and walking during the fussy periods. My best advice is to seek help when you need it. Ask for help preparing meals, doing laundry, etc. Rest when you can. The first 3 months are pretty hazy for me, too.

[Annika]

I seem to be the odd editor out, as I would skip the commas altogether.

[Rachel]

Mom of a 5-week-old and a 3-year-old here, wanting to add that the list of things that need doing oughta include a lot of things for your own physical and emotional health as well as the babies'. For me, it's a lot easier to let that stuff fall by the wayside... I have to make a list and remind myself daily that "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." here's my list:

- Shower/dress/fix hair and face (yes, I do this every single day, and yes, that's a big deal!)
- Exercise
- Get out of the house
- Talk to someone on the phone
- Talk to someone in person
- Answer a personal email (but not all day on the computer)
- Sustain some kind of community connection (go to a mom's group, have a neighbor friend over for coffee, attend a LLL or WW meeting, ...)
- Declutter (which I personally find incredibly satisfying)

I basically never do all of those in one day (especially these 100-degree days we've been having), but I try to get in as many of them as I can. The payoff is everywhere.

[Menita]

What Paola wrote: "Remember it really is important to look after YOU. Don't be sucked in by all that adrenaline, as it's there for a reason."
It gets ugly after the first two weeks.

[Diana]

You sound like you are doing great just by thinking about what you should be doing. I'm on my second singleton and find that they are completely different, so my feeling is that you should let the baby direct as much as you think is appropriate. If they like to be held, great. If they like to play on their mat, great. Sure, you want to take good care, but also remember that they are little people with minds of their owns (sort of) and will often do what they like schedule-wise and other despite your best efforts.

[Nancy]

Hi everyone -- these are wonderful, wonderful comments! Thank you for taking the time to contribute.

Someone asked what the babies' gestational age was - they were born at 37weeks 6days and were in great health. Eleanor had a very small bit of jaundice and was a bit "ruddy" (read: red) but further testing revealed that all was fine by day 4. So they're very healthy, and as of today's visit to the lactation consultant, their weights are terrific.

I gave up on logging the pees and poops and other details -- that was what was making me crazy. They each have plenty of both each and every day.

I'll continue to read through all your wisdom and process it. I'm getting that I need to relax more and sleep more -- everything will fall into place as we get more used to this new reality.

This week I've realized how important it is to get out of the house every day -- wish it were cooler outside to enjoy walks. I've gotten a hot shower every day, as that's good for my morale too. We have a twin bed in the nursery so I do most of my sleeping in there, with an occasional hour or two in our own bed at night or in a daytime nap. I really miss sleeping with my husband. *sigh*

[AV]

From my husband who is a former editor:

Everything else is at best extraneous, at worst overstimulating.

[kellie]

Just a side note to Lisa about re-calculating the early birth thing - my son was a month premature and started the cranky thing - which actually turned into colic at around 5 weeks. He actually did everything right on schedule, too, so don't count on the schedule of milestones as much as they say. I think this really pertains more to very early babes.

I started to get bored at around 3 weeks, too, but I could finally go shopping, etc. I actually started working on the house and everything else at that point. I'm a list person and sometimes that was my saving grace. And then he hit 5 weeks and I was crazy again. Sleep while you can NOW!

[Amanda]

Am I the only one who thinks "at best" should come after "extraneous"?

[RookieMom Heather]

For me, tracking baby data is an addiction. I never got that much into tracking diapers (beyond the first couple days when the hospital is still watching) but I live and die by nursing and sleep patterns.

I like to watch them develop over time and see if/when I can "force" a routine.

At five months, we're still not on a schedule (much to my dismay) but we're getting there. For the first few months, our routine was Eat, Active, Sleep repeating about every three hours.

[Devon]

When you need a little time to relax, check out the Baby Owner's Manual. We got a copy and it is quite funny. All baby's should come with one.

www.amazon.com/Baby-Owners-Manual-Instructions-Trouble-Shooting/dp/1931686238

[Charisse]

I think 2-3 weeks may have been my toughest time emotionally--my husband went back to work and there I was. Nancy, I'm glad to hear you're getting out--you sound like you're doing fantastic! The one thing I'd suggest is this is a great time to find other parents and babies in your neighborhood and build up your network. Either post to your local Craigslist/whatever, or just smile a friendly, tired smile at anybody you see with a baby. They will almost certainly smile back and ask you how you're doing and then you can find out where they hang out, what they do, and what they know.

In my case I discovered that the local parents all met up at this one cafe most mornings, and that there was a semi-organized weekly outing to a Reelmoms movie. Those became the building blocks of my maternity leave routine, and week 4 felt much better.

[Emily W.]

I was talking to a doula last week, and she said that a lot of babies have very disorganized sleep and eating patterns for the first six weeks because that's how long it takes for the narcotic from the epidural to work its way out of their systems.

Our daughter is ten months old now, and was born at home without drugs; while we experienced the typical night wakings and constant hunger during growth spurts, and the huge changes in the first six weeks, her sleep and eating did seem to have patterns to them.

Best of luck with your twins. I don't have suggestions other than what has already been posted; there's (as always) very good advice here. This newborn period will be over so very, very quickly. I'm glad you're enjoying it.

[Helen]

I'm definitely a geek by nature and by profession so I've been gathering data since my baby was born.

I logged sleep / waking / eating times during the first 8 months or so. I found it comforting - it gave me a feeling that I was in some sort of control, which of course I wasn't. But after a certain point I stopped, because the days were by then quite predictable, and logging our night wakings and feedings was simply depressing. They bother me a lot less now that I do them semi-consciously, often I don't even remember them in the morning.

I also log my daughter's weight, weekly or bi-weekly or sometimes tri-weekly, if I forget. Early on I did it because I was worried about weight gain (breastfeeding was really hard for us initially) and later simply because it was interesting. Makes a very nice chart.

Finally, I observe her. I have a blog where I post monthly updates about her - what she has learned, what she is doing - and these monthly posts make me look at her differently, with more attention. I notice differences and changes in her behaviour because I am actively looking for them.

If you think it's fun to observe your baby, you can of course also experiment with them. How do they react to smells? sounds? being tickled? to you making faces? Do the same again a few weeks later and see what's changed.

[Nancy (the original poster in this thread)]

Hmmm... so funny to look back at this post.

Our girls are turning TWO YEARS OLD on Friday - how is that even possible? It seems like last week that they were the tiny little 3-week-old bundles I wrote about here.

Thank you, Moxie & community, for helping me find my way through those early weeks and months as I got to know my girls and understand what they needed and how to take care of all of us.

We're so blessed to have these wonderful girls who amuse, amaze and challenge us!