Making Life Good For Your Kids' Teachers

You know what really annoys an internet advice columnist? Not being able to connect to the internet to post her column because her internet just didn't seem to work. Grr.

OTOH, not posting this last night or this morning gave you guys a chance to really work over the toenail polish issue, which I'd thought was just a "let's not think of anything to stressful on a Wednesday" topic. 45 responses! And I can't believe I never thought of using blue or green polish.

But now for today's post, which was supposed to go up this morning:

I want to pull out a comment from frequent commenter Maura, who used to be a classroom teacher. I'm just going to repost her advice, but the whole comment is here.

Back to School Thoughts for Parents from a Former Teacher:

1) If your family can afford to eat out once a week, please consider doing a good deed and buying an extra set of school supplies for children who can't afford them at the same time that you buy your child's school supplies. Drop them off to your child's teacher. There WILL be a child in your child's class who can't afford the supplies. Your child's teacher spends hundreds of dollars of her/his own money every year on class supplies, and anything you can donate discreetly will be greatly appreciated.

2) Please don't be upset or feel slighted if you spontaneously stop by after school and your child's teacher doesn't seem to want to talk for 45 minutes about everything that concerns you about the upcoming year. The first week of school is impossibly busy for teachers - I'd take home at least 5 or 6 hours of work every night and still not come close to finishing. If you want to stop in and introduce yourself, that is great! If you want to have an extended conversation, please make an appointment so your child's teacher can schedule his time and plan accordingly.

3) Please, please, please thank the teachers who take the time to meet with you for extended conferences. I usually taught a total of between 125 and 140 students a year. I only got one 45-minute planning period per day, and that was for all of my lesson planning, evaluation, grading, recordkeeping, and parent communication. Just spending one hour with every parent eats up my entire year of planning time. Teachers who show that much dedication are volunteering their time for your child. Please appreciate that.

3) Please do not treat an A- or a B as a crisis. A B is GOOD. A C is AVERAGE. If your child receives an A- on a paper, that is a great achievement. Please do not demand a conference and bring your educational diagnostician to argue that your child deserves an A.

4) If your child has 50 books in his bookcase at home and he only really loves 5 of them, please consider donating the other 45 to your local school. Every classroom is enhanced by a classroom library. If your child is not rereading a book regularly, another child would love to read it.

5) If your child is assigned a creative, fun, and interesting project that you think is educationally valuable, it probably took your child's teacher many, many hours to create it and prepare it. Teaching is a lonely profession with few extrinsic rewards. A quick email saying, "Hey, that was such a cool project! My son really enjoyed it!!!!" takes 2 minutes to write and will be remembered by your son's teacher for years.

6) Teaching your child to be polite, honest, and compassionate is the greatest gift you can give to a teacher. Forget the cheese balls and #1 Teacher! mugs at Christmastime. If your child says, "Please", "Thank you", and "Excuse me" and "I'm sorry" on a regular basis, you've already given us priceless gifts

7) If your child really wants to give a gift to his or her teacher, that is a wonderful thing. And believe me, we appreciate it. The greatest gift your child can give is a handwritten letter -- something like, "Ms. Maura, this is my favorite class. I really loved the project we did on X. I'm always going to remember you because of X. Thank you for teaching me X." Once I got a phone call from a student a year after I taught him from across the country where he had moved, just to thank him for teaching him grammar. That was one of the best phone calls of my life!

8) If you really want to buy a gift, please please please no cheese balls and teacher mugs or tchochkes or ornaments. The most appreciated gifts I ever got were books, office supplies, or gift cards to Borders and Staples. I spent so much on books and school supplies that those gift cards were very, very, very, very much appreciated and put to great use.

8) Again, if you can afford to take your family out to dinner on a regular basis, and you often purchase books from a bookstore rather than go to the library, please consider picking up an extra book of the same type and donating it to your child's school.

9) A lot of really awesome, incredible, motivated, inspiring teachers become burned out, dispirited, discouraged, and less enthusiastic over the years because their effort and hard work is not noticed or seems to be unappreciated, and the undone work, the staggering weight of the unmet needs of students and the problems in a school system become overwhelming. Worse, most parents only call school to complain, not to praise. If your child has a great teacher, someone he or she loves, someone who inspires a love of learning in your child, please help to invest in that person, not just for your child's sake, but for the sake of all the children that person might teach in the future. Go to school board meetings and advocate for better schools for your child. Support the efforts of teachers to improve learning conditions in your child's school. If your child's teacher takes the time to call home and talk to you regularly, thank them. If they call to tell you good news, thank them. Tell your child's principal when your child's teacher does great work.

10) Your child's teacher is a partner with you in caring about your child's learning. Treat them as a partner, not a boss or a servant.

Comments

[Dawn]

I'm a special ed teacher on sabbatical to be with my son (and yes, I used sabbatical just b/c it sounds cool ... I hope I spelled it right...).

If you DO need to have an unpleasant/confrontational/unhappy conversation with a teacher, please do it AFTER school. Nothing makes you want to throw up just a little bit walking in to your day and getting hit with an angry email/phone call/parent. Unless your child is in danger, please consider waiting until after school. When teacher has a rough day it trickles down to everyone.

If you have time/vacation day/flex time, see if the teacher could use a hand with organizing, or spending time with some of the students in the class who don't get much one on one time with a positive adult.

If you want to take an advocate to an IEP meeting, please please do - it's nice though if you let the case manager know ahead of time - if for no other reason than to have enough chairs on hand for everyone.

Notes of appreciation make teachers cry. In a very very VERY good way.

[Jean]

As a former teacher who did get burned out and is fortunate enough to get to be a SAHM, here, here! I still remember a former student making the effort to stop by and tell me about his education plans after high school, and then telling me what a difference I made for him. Which was funny because all I remember is going round and round with him about how he *was* going to do his work. I will cherish that memory forever.

I've made my daughter's preschool teacher cry many times with little notes about what a difference she's made in our lives. It's easy to do a difficult job when you know it's helping someone.

[Sonia]

Wonderful suggestions! I still remember several teachers who really made an impact on my life and wish I had taken the time back then to thank them. My son is still just a toddler but I am saving this info for the day when he starts school. I hope he is lucky enough to have wonderful teachers like I did.

[jenarow]

As teacher going back to school next week for my ninth year teaching high school, I have to say that all of the things up there are true! unfortunatly, last year was a lousy year all around; personal life, graduate school, class sizes, administation, you name it, it wasn't good; and this year i find myself rather apathetic about starting. Normally I can't wait to bust out the new supplies, and start planning, and this year I won't be going in until the first staff day to even set up my room. If more people used the guidelines up above, I don't think that I would necessarily feel as apathetic. I'm truly hoping that once we get through the bs meetings and stuff and I actually get my classes and meet the kids that my true love of teaching will shine through. I started the thinking positively thing in the last week or so and I it is starting to work a bit. Please, take the things to heart, a book, a kind word, or even just waiting to make the nasty phone call will make a world of difference to your child's teacher. I really want the best for my kids(students) and it is sometimes really hard when everything else gets in the way! Oh, and I picked up triple of everything on my son's kindergarten supplies list and dropped them all off for the teacher, plus stupid stuff like boxes of crackers, a three pack of soft tissues, a case of paper towels, extra boxes of crayons, kid scissors, and a note asking if there were any other things she could use, please drop me a line or send a note home with my son. When I went to Ikea, I picked up five extra art smocks that I also left with her, things that parents don't think of, and school budgets don't allow for. I spend a fortune on tissues and paper towels every year for my students! Little things that won't break your budget make a huge difference in a teacher's life. Oh yeah, and for elementary shool, tubs of baby wipes.

[pnuts mama]

amen, sister. teaching is one of the most difficult and least rewarding jobs- we have sooo many friends who are teachers K-12 and their biggest complaints are being burned out by their administrations. i know many parents assume that they have an easy job- 9-3, a few homework assignments, summers off, etc. what we don't see is all the prep work and *especially* all the extra crap your administration requires you to do that has little to nothing to do with the actual job of *teaching*.

my friends who are teachers appreciate when parents value their vocation, and respect their expertise- especially if they are teaching a subject that "isn't as important as___ (math, science, etc)."

it is also huge to teachers when parents are on their team with their kids who see that their parents take this project/assignment/class as importantly as the teacher/admin/district does. nothing is more disheartening to a teacher than a kid who doesn't care with parents that don't care.

my 6th grade teacher mrs. simon changed my entire life and i credit her for where i am now. if she didn't believe in me then i doubt very much i'd be who i am today- so thanks to her and all of you who take care of our kids so very well.

[Tiny]

I have been on both sides of the fence! I would add a few things.

1) If you choose to communicate primarily through email due to work hours or the fact that you are docked pay for not being at work - let the teacher know. There may be things that you can work out to maximize communication if the teacher knows there is an issue.

2) Make sure that you treat the teacher professionally, but remember that you have knowledge of your child as well. A well presented and well thought out disagreement with policy is likely to get a wonderful give and take conversation with both of you learning - and good solutions.

3) Make sure that you have your facts when you talk to a teacher. If your child is not doing well and hasn't turned in homework, then as a parent you have some responsibility. If your child is not doing well on tests, the teacher may be able to direct you to additional assistance.

4) Set up your child's homework area, and time as soon as possible. Set the precedent now, rather than waiting.

5) Encourage your child to treat the teacher as a human being. Sometimes people have a bad day. What can they do to help as a student?

Cheers!

[MrsHaley]

WORD on all this from another 10-year teacher burnout. Jenarow, I was where you are, last year ... school started around here this week and I'M NOT THERE! When it comes to teacher burnout, it's not usually about the kids or the content -- it's all that "other stuff" (nasty parents, unsupportive administration, NCLB) that grinds you down to a bloody stump.

If more parents followed these suggestions, maybe there would be more great teachers able to stay in the profession and truly needy districts would be able to attract and retain the teachers they need.

It's a shame how our culture views and treats its teachers. This post is a good nudge in a better direction.

[Karen]

Thank you so much for posting this. My daughter will not be starting school until next year but I have passed it on to all of my friends who have kids. This can apply to daycare/preschool/montessori teachers too.

I really feel that now more than ever teachers play a major part in raising our children and are/or will be some of their biggest role models. It is so important to treat them with the respect and appreciation that they deserve if not only for the reason that that respect and appreciation will trickle down to our children. Thank you teachers!

[Amy]

As a college prof who has also taught high school, I couldn't agree with this more. Teaching is by far the hardest job out there. I take work home wit me EVERY night and weekends. My own poor kids get slighted so I can teach other people's kids (okay, young adults). A fellow colleague and I were rejoicing at the four-day weekend... not four days to relax, but FOUR WHOLE DAYS to get caught up on our teaching work (yes, we are already behind after just one week of the semester). So... be kind, understanding, and patient with your kids' teachers. And tell them you appreciate all they do for your little darlings.

[hedra]

My general approach:

1) the teacher is a professional, who worked hard for their education and certification, and generally has experience (often a LOT). Value that, and make it clear that you value that. Respect, basically.

2) Do what you can to make their life easier - it will help them be at their best, and helping ease their life helps not just the teacher but also every kid in the class, including yours. (And this would be "Kind".)

3) Always assume you are on the same team. Even when there's a disagreement, assume you have the same larger goals, just differ on technique or approach. Starting from that makes it easier to problem solve rather than confront.

I started this year by emailing the teacher at G's new school, to let her know exactly what resources our family could provide to her class, and how willing I was to provide them. I let her know that it was her call what she wanted to use, and how, and when, or whether to use any at all, but these were available to her any time she asked. Her reply was overflowing with gratitude and excitement - some of the things we could provide fit with the curriculum plans for the year, and would allow her to enhance some of the lessons without personal expense. WOO!

If anyone is planning a 'class gift' type thing, what seems to have been appreciated by teachers of our kids in the past are 1) gift cards, and 2) scrap books or albums where every child made a page for the teacher. Otherwise, the personal letter. :)

[ikate]

I am not a teacher, but I work at a school. My sister and mom and grandmother are teachers and I whole-heartedly agree with everything here.

However I take an exception with this: "Just spending one hour with every parent eats up my entire year of planning time. Teachers who show that much dedication are volunteering their time for your child."

You can't have it both ways - most teachers bemoan the lack of involvement from the parents yet then complain when parents want to meet with them. A teacher's day in the classroom does not end at the bell - in fact in the school where I work teachers are required to work in their classroom for 1 1/2 hours after the bell, THIS is their planning/meeting/grading time...not during the day.

I know teachers work a ton of hours outside the classroom, I know they spend their own money on supplies and I know they are underpaid for their level of education. But, spending time with parents is NOT volunteering - it's part of being a teacher.

[Suzie Q]

Let me join in the chorus of those saying, "Amen, sister Maura!" I am new to the teaching profession, so haven't experienced burnout *yet* (though there were moments during student teaching when I wondered what I was thinking!), but I can still appreciate all you are saying and concur wholeheartedly. Some parents JUST. DON'T. GET IT. Then again, some do -- and they make our jobs so much easier! Cheers to Moxie for getting the word out on how to win over your little one's teacher.

[Shandra]

As a Canadian I'm a little floored by some of this.

Like that parents (or teachers) have to buy all the supplies down there... here sure, in the older grades, and in the younger grades parents have to buy a few things like the super-duper coloured pencils, but the basics - tissues? paper towels? In kindergarten!!! - are bulk-ordered by the schools, which lowers the overall cost incredibly. At least they were the last time I checked.

And what do you mean no cheese balls??? :-)

[Shandra]

Oh and I wanted to say to this:

"I know teachers work a ton of hours outside the classroom, I know they spend their own money on supplies and I know they are underpaid for their level of education. But, spending time with parents is NOT volunteering - it's part of being a teacher."

I kind of think this expresses one of the ways in which we (Canada too!) totally get turned around about teaching in some ways. I have given a lot of thought to this because I almost became a teacher and spent 3 years as an ed assistant working out that I didn't, in fact, want to be one.

Right now I'm a magazine editor and I do spent a fair amount of time at night and on weekends reading in my field and coming up with ideas, and I do have to toss personal time into networking events, weird contest events, book fairs, etc. at weird times & locations, and attending industry events. I would not call this "volunteering my time"; I would call it getting my work done. HOWEVER, I am also not locked in a classroom with thirty kids every day where I have to schedule my bathroom breaks. As a professional editor I have some control over my time.

With teachers, they have a weird combination. During school hours they are kind of like factory workers in that they are highly regulated as to what they can and can't do. But then they have lots of autonomy some of the rest of us don't have (tied as we are to market forces) in how they present material, network with parents, etc., that is highly creative and requires a lot of that "outside work."

Added to that, teaching still bears the stigma of women's work... as a CARING profession how much you work is not about advancement, compensation, or personal satisfaction but a marker of how much you CARE. Which is kind of crap; we all know teachers who care tons and still won't volunteer to run the school play because they want some kind of personal life; we know teachers who maybe actually don't care but are still effective at their jobs; we know teachers who care a lot but still can't manage to control a first-grade classroom or teach reading.

On the other hand though this CARE and the way teaching is so "important" (and yet, of course, not important enough to really fund it adequately) means there is a lot of (forgive me here but) rhetoric about how teachers are the BEST MOST CARING people ever and you should not inconvenience them and you should help them (again, mostly the women helping here) with your time and money and basically they are moden-day saints that we should revere.

And... I genuinely like teachers, but they are not saints; they are human beings doing work for often not great money, and I want to help them and be a community - BUT I refuse to accept that ALL the work they do out of class is different from ALL the work I do to find and mentor new writers, etc. They are professionals who chose that profession, just as I did. What they put into it is their responsibility - to a point.

I do think that their working environment though - that they are adequately funded and not given ridiculous directives to change curricula every 6 months - is part of my responsibility and I am increasingly politically active on that front.

In my very small anecdotal experience this weird societal dichotomy between "professional" and "saint" made teaching unhealthy for me and for some other (largely) women I observed, which is why I got out of it. I still teach writing as a volunteer at the middle-school level and love it.

Oops sorry for the rant. Moxie is this kind of thing ok? Should there be a like a "moxie-talk" community somewhere? :)

[hedra]

Personally, I like the ranting. :)

I think the key here is the professionalism angle.

My kids teachers are PROFESSIONALS. As such, they are due the respect their education and experience and professional credentials would imply in ANY profession. They often don't get that, IME.

And they also often don't get it in the positive ways, also. Being sainted is not the same as being respected. I detest when someone considers ME a saint for anything I've studied and busted my butt for. It isn't some extraordinary talent, though perhaps talent is a part of it. It is CRAFT. It is study, and discipline, and effort, and then that equals results, most of the time. It doesn't matter if my effort is in learning about child development and struggling through my personal muck so that I am a good parent, or if it is taking personal time to work on the medical writing credentials, or if it is working toward a less-interventive birth experience... it is all a combination of my natural qualities and my effort and dedication/education/practice/discipline.

Being idolized from afar is a disservice to everyone, both the admirer and the admired.

Teachers work hard. They have high-stress jobs that can be rewarding. They are working under strict rules with high expectations. They deserve my assistance where their work intersects with my life and my goals for my family, just as I'd help out with ANY professional who is providing a service to my family - I move my car so the tree guys can get their vehicles into place. I make sure there is enough room to work around the furnace (okay, partly for MY safety) so the repair guy can do his job comfortably. I take a shower before I see the doctor for a physical (LOL! and I know some people do NOT, yikes!). I work as a team with the medical staff taking care of my kids, ask questions, respect their time, and appreciate the imagination and focus they bring to the task, and try to make only reasonable demands on their time outside scheduled appointments, and through channels that allow them a reasonable degree of control over it (such as not stopping the Allergist in the hospital hallway to pester them with questions). I also do not idolize the doctor, nor do I tell them I could NEVER do thier job and OH MY GOD I'D DIE if I had to do that all day, or even 'it takes a special kind of person to be willing to do that'. Sure, it takes a degree of interest, talent, and ability! But there are also other interests, talents, and abilities out there, that are perhaps no better or worse than these. That I lack them makes them no more or less special.

Some of this solidified for me after I started consulting. Being treated MYSELF as a professional, with valuable things to offer, but as member of my client's team, providing ideas but not LAW... it was amazing. I felt SO good about my work when I was just plain respected - not raised up, not put down, just respected. I try to provide the same regard to the professionals I interact with, in general. Sometimes old habits kick up and I have to suppress them, but in general, the more we professionalize the job of teacher in the common culture (US anyway), the more it can be treated as it should be, with proper regard - and funding.

Now, to get parenting to the same level, LOL! ;)

[hedra]

(and I sometimees wonder how much more funding would happen if teachers all just quit supplementing the classroom on their own - there's no perception of lack, so no urgency to fill the void...)

[enu]

I have to disagree with the professional/non-professional distinction and respect-worthiness.

I do not feel a person automatically deserves respect (or more respect than any other person of the human variety) by dint of their profession and degree.

I do feel one ought to repect one's child's teachers unless one has had a very compelling reason to lose the respect for that individual teacher. One ought to, in any case, treat the teacher with courtesy, even if there is a disagreement.

Dealing with the schools has been miserable for our family through the years, but I have to say by and large it has been the administration and school policies (as well as policies handed down by the state) which have caused the misery; for the the most part teachers have been kind and on the side of reason, but they often have their hands tied by the policies and are as frustrated as we.

[Shandra]

"deserve my assistance where their work intersects with my life and my goals for my family, just as I'd help out with ANY professional who is providing a service to my family"

Totally agreed and I agree with the rest of your rant too hedra. :)

When I went on about the I meant the (to me) over the top volunteering in classrooms and fundraising that I hear about, not just basic one-to-one courtesy! In case that wasn't clear.

[Shandra]

"I do not feel a person automatically deserves respect (or more respect than any other person of the human variety) by dint of their profession and degree. "

Not sure where you are getting (if it was from me) that only professionals deserve respect.

I think everyone deserves basic respect; what I don't like is being told that I MUST respect how difficult teachers have it as opposed to how difficult anyone else has it.

My point is that some of the difficulty of their job (like gasp, dealing with parents) is part of their profession and par for the course, the same way I have to deal with advertisers as a part of mine.

[Menita]

Love, love, love this post and the comments.

[Julie]

As a teacher, I appreciate all the comments! I haven't yet read what everyone has said, but I would like to add a note as an elementary level teacher (K-5)......if you plan to volunteer in your child's classroom, be especially aware that you are there to volunteer in the CLASSROOM, not to be your child's special tutor. There are between 20 and 35 other students in the room who would benefit from your attention as well. Pay attention to them. Also, try not to be the extra student in the room with lots of questions and comments. The teacher most likely doesn't have time to chat with you during a lesson, so keep the questions to the necessary ones to getting your job done. If you can have a clear idea of what you're good at, let the teacher know. If you're not comfortable working with a group of students, let the teacher know you prefer 1-1 work or you'd rather do something like stuff homework folders. There is nothing worse than having a volunteer need more help than your students!

Also, donate donate donate. The comments I've read say teachers spend "a lot" of their own money on their classrooms.....I'd like to give an actual number to give you an idea. Every year I would spend between $2000 and $3000 of my own money to supplement lessons, buy cool activities that would be meaningful to that group of students, buy extra books for my classroom library, pay for field trips/school supplies/parties etc. I taught in a Title I school (60%+ of the students on free/reduced lunch) that was in a very diverse community - I had some students who lived in million dollar homes, while others were sleeping in cars or shelters. If you can afford it, when the teacher asks for $3 for a pizza party, please just give a $20. It's appreciated by the teacher, and it teaches your child a valuable lesson in being generous when you can afford it.

And thanks to Maura for pointing out that an A or B is a GOOD grade. In elementary school, your child's grades will NOT keep him or her out of Stanford. Keep things in perspective. If you don't understand a grade, by all means ask. But don't try to argue a B into an A. Grades are for instructional purposes only at this level. Help your child learn from his/her mistakes, and honor your child's efforts rather than the product.

Finally, please be an advocate for your child, but again maintain some perspective. Teachers have a huge range of abilities within their classrooms and have to differentiate their instruction for each child. If your above average child is not challenged every minute of the day, try to understand that sometimes the teacher has to focus on the kids who CAN'T read first. I'm not saying that above average students should not be challenged....I'm saying that it is an important lesson to teach your child to make his own learning meaningful to HIM.

I once had a student who was brilliant, and I was concerned he was looking bored in class recently. I called his mom and expressed these concerns and asked if there were areas she felt she would like to see some extensions and that perhaps together we could work on some independent projects for him. She said "It's important to J that he learn that he will not be stimulated every minute of every day...that sometimes life is boring and it is up to him to make his own meaning. Boredom is a gift to his genius."

Wow.

[jenarow]

Just a quick thought on parents and teachers and what is "owed" the parents in terms of a teacher. This is just my opinion and experience. My work hours by contract are 7:45 to 3:01, Monday through Friday. I arrive at school between 6:45 and 7 every day. I bring work home almost every night and both of my prep periods are spent planning, copying, and setting up lessons. I also make parent phone calls during those times. Almost every day I leave school at 3:01. I do make exceptions for parents who would like to see me after school and can stay until 4pm if absolutely necessary. I will call parents at home from my home in the evening after my children go to bed, and I grade papers most every night, but I am not willing to be on call 24 hours a day for parents. My family already suffers from the work I do and I refuse to allow work to cut into family dinner. Just like I would never expect my child's teacher to see me after 4pm when I could manage to get there, I don't think they should expect that of me. If I need to do something at my son's school, I take a day off or even a half day. I use e-mail to communicate frequently. Oh, and one more thing about communicating with your child's teacher, ask what they prefer. I much prefer e-mail communication at first because it is much easier for me to get to my computer and look at my gradebook from my desk than it is for me to go down to the faculty room for a phone to call out on. It also allows for some space for anger and accusations that may be unconsciously put forth because it is your child. I understand that and it is much easier to ignore or allow for when I can read it, be angry for a minute, get it together and respond in an appropiate way that truly shows that I want to be on the same page as you, and that I am willing to do just about anything to help get your child where he needs to be. In a phone call, the angrier you sound, the more defensive I tend to get. Generally my answer to that is why don't you come in and meet with me and the guidance counselor today after school at 3 o'clock. I would be more than happy to meet you any day this week at 3 o'clock for a meeting and I get off of the phone so that I don't say anything disrespectful or angry. More often than not I am told, I can't be there until 5, or I can't come in and I see that they are probably just venting on me and I don't waste any more time on the subject. I am more than happy to respond to phone calls but it may not be that day or even the next unless of course it is an emergency which I would then alert administration/guidance/nurse's office as soon as I got the message. Just remember when you look at your expectations of teachers outside of the classroom that they have families and lives too. I don't know how your child is doing as I grocery shop and you stop me in the supermarket.

[Stephanie]

Great post, Moxie!

Another piece of advice: Teachers can't talk to parents when they are teaching. No, not even five minutes at the beginning of class. A classroom of highschool seniors will become pandemonium in that time, not to mention what any younger age might do. I know it's customary to be able to grab someone for five minutes in just about every other profession, but teachers really can't. Find out what time is good for your child's teacher, and speak with them then.

[Shandra]

Julie - to me that is a huge boundary issue, teachers putting in their own money. Huge.

[Aurora]

What a wonderful post and set of comments! thanks to everyone!

[hedra]

I didn't mean to imply that a 'non-professional' deserves less respect! Not at all. A talented volunteer deserves respect, too. If they treat this as their job, they get paid for it, I consider it a profession. If they are providing a service, volunteer or otherwise, I treat that 'professionally', also. They are providing me with their expertise in some way, providing a service to the community or to the world or to my child, that's often just treated as a given, or something they do for themselves, rewarding for them and therefore not necessary for ME to bother considering their expertise in... THAT's what I'm talking about.

That there's something of a tendency to NOT treat skilled individuals as 'professionals' (and I'm not talking 'in the professions' vs. 'in the trades' but 'have experience, training, skills, etc.'). Especially not teachers, tradespeople, service people, state/govt workers, and so forth.

I have a cleaning lady. I treat her as a professional. She has expertise, she runs a business, she deserves to be treated with the same regard I'd give the CEO of my client firm. My kids have teachers, we use a tree service, we have mechanics, they are all, IMHO, deserving to be treated as reasonable representatives of their field, with knowledge and experience, and who can be worked with as a team to provide the solutions to my problems.

That's what I was getting at - not that 'non-professionals' don't deserve respect! Not at all. More that everyone should be entitled to be treated with the 'professional' regard.

Does that make more sense?

I'm also a fan of teaching kids to advocate for themselves. If I provide the 'depth and pace' solution to my child's 'boredom' issues in class, even in teamwork with the teacher, then my child loses a chance to learn HOW to make an experience more meaningful. I'm not a big fan of allowing boredom to continue, but I *AM* a big fan of allowing a child to recognize that boredom is not fun, and can be remedied through their own actions, without having anyone else have to start the process. Just like kids who are never permitted to feel hunger have difficulty learning how to manage their diet/caloric intake. Being hungry is a problem for which they learn to seek a solution. If they never HAVE that problem, then they lack the situation in which to learn the solutions. I don't go about forcing those situations to occur, but I also strive not to prevent all discomforts in life. Sometimes classes will not work the way you want, the teacher doesn't fit/mesh/understand, and these are problems for which there are SOLUTIONS. This is part of adult competence - making the best of a difficult situation.

And yeah, agree that the teachers buying stuff for class is a boundary issue. One of the things I like about the school that the three younger kids go to is that they FORBID teachers from spending their own money on the classroom. Period. It is in their contract. HOWEVER, if there is something that would be perfect for class, provided it doesn't exceed a set value (I think $100, and that's also negotiable), they may purchase it and be reimbursed. So they have the freedom to add to the experience with things they discover, but they are not in a situation where they are subtly encouraged to subtract from their pay to support the class. I just know a lot of other teachers who are in situations where things that would work/enhance classroom, etc. are not in the budget, and the teacher is left with either not getting it, or buying it themselves. Sucks.

[hedra]

You know, this is remarkably similar to the discussion of labor situation/support...

Go in with an us vs. them attitude, or with a holier-than-thou attitude, or really any 'attitude' at all other than respect and kindness, and you're bound to run into problems. SO MANY people in our culture tread all over other people as if they don't exist, that just going in with a respectful and kind attitude, with some openness and willingness to be a team player, that's HUGE. It is a relief. It eases everything for everyone. It is rewarded with gratitude and regard in return.

We've taken the whole idea of 'authority figures' and totally smashed it to bits, haven't we? Authorities are treated like dirt rather a lot. They're resisted, combatted, set up, ignored, threatened, pressured, pursued, and treated as any-time resources without regard to their individual needs, family life, time. It is ubiquitous. The whole power rebellion works as poorly as the sumbission/obsequiousness does. Both fail. A level glance, treating others as the same as oneself, regard, respect... those are sorely lacking all around.

Something to watch for. Sigh.

[MrsHaley]

Hedra, you are a genius.

Isn't it remarkable how almost every discussion comes down to safe-respectful-kind?

YOU taught me that. That makes you a teacher, too!

Thanks!

[Julie]

To clarify: I am also not okay with rampant boredom - as a teacher or a parent. Kids can just as easily veer away from their genious toward mischief as not if they have too much time on their hands. But teaching kids what to do if they are not challenged - as opposed to calling their teacher every time there is a lull or switching teachers constantly - is a more powerful and useful tool for your child.

As for boundary issues, I never really thought of it that way re: the money. For me, it was a personal choice, not one I felt pressured to do by anyone. Anything that would enrich my students' learning was worth the $$ out of my pocket....and anything that would streamline my teaching and make my days smoother was worth its weight in gold. As an elementary school teacher, these kids become MY kids...not just this year, but for life. So it would excite me that I could provide things for them that would excite them. And sometimes that would come at a price. If I couldn't get parents to donate it, I'd buy it myself. Especially if I could use it again. Many teachers choose not to spend their money this way and that does not make them any less of a teacher. It's just a personal choice.

[Madeleine]

Shandra, we're in the TDSB and my daughter's supply list for Grade One (last year) included a box of tissues for her desk. Yep, every kid brings their own tissues. I think that last year the teacher handed out sets of markers and coloured pencils, which surprised me actually. I don't know yet what will be on this year's list.

[Shandra]

Madeleine - wow that's new. When I was teaching there was no list. Bleah.

[Joceline]

Wow. Great suggestions. I think that many times when parents become sensitive when they hear teachers talking about the way parents can treat them, it is because those particular parents are conscientious, kind people who are caring and appropriately involved in their children's lives. They think that the teachers are talking about them, but it is the parents who make unreasonable demands, etc. who are the problem. If you are the appropriate, kind, supportive parent, know that you are rarer than we'd all like to believe. I've had parents scream at me on the phone, blame me for every tiny little problem, have totally unreasonable expectations about how much one-on-one time I can spend with his/her child during class (when that child is one of 30 students), and many other unbelievable things. Another teacher at my school actually had a textbook thrown at her by a parent. Obviously, that is an extreme case, but just an example of how out of control parents can get. If you call a teacher with a genuine concern and approach it as a partner, no good teacher will resent that. It is the parents who call and rant and rave for 30 minutes who are a drain on our time and energy.

[Shannon]

This is such a wonderful discussion. I'm going to be totally callow and add my voice to the section of the post that advocates good gifts for teachers. I teach. I like gifts. I appreciate everything that is given to me at Christmas and my birthday, especially if given to me by a teenager who I know picked it out herself. Having said that, please, please, please, do not give me, or any other teacher, a mug, perfume (especially cheap perfume from the dollar store!!!), something that is clearly out of tune with my easily recognized personal style (note: I wear pared down black and grey clothes with just a simple necklace nearly every day... why would I want a small, ruffly, pink jewelry box?) or clear re-gifts (last year, someone didn't even take the gift tag from someone else off of a the beef stick they gave me - and I am a known vegetarian). I agree with the above... when in doubt, gift cards to a bookstore or office supply store are great and a handwritten note or letter is the BEST!!! Those I keep forever. The beef stick? Didn't even make it out of my classroom.

[nancy]

Great advice! I was a teacher for one very, very, very, long year until I hightailed it over to law school. You were right on the mark with everything you wrote.

I delerked for this BTW. I often read both this blog and your husband's blog and love when I hear about your trips to MN (I am an ND native.)

Sending virtual hotdish and bars through the miles. ... Nancy

[rudyinparis]

As a child of (now retired) public schoolteachers I cannot applaud this post enough! I don't think the general public has any idea of the amount of time outside of work that goes into effective teaching, and also the amount of personal money that many teachers use to make sure their classroom is equipped. (Money that too often comes from a ludicrously poor salary.) Public schoolteachers are not our servants, indeed. They are an essential part of our team. Thanks to you, Maura.