Q&A: something wrong with 5-month-old?

Sarah writes:

"I would really appreciate your view.  I worry there is something wrong with my baby, or else he is just inexplicably unhappy.  He is 5 months old and only happy if he is in his Baby Bjorn on a walk, or watching Baby Einstein videos.  He can do any of the following -- look at his mobile, lie on his playmat, sit on my lap, or practice tummy time -- for about FIVE minutes before he starts to whine.  He whines in his bouncy chair.  He whines in his high chair.  He whines sitting on anyone's lap.  He nurses well, sometimes enjoys a little cereal or banana, and, thank goodness, sleeps extremely well (both naps and through the night).  Is it normal that he seems so bored and/or grumpy all the time?  He smiles, but doesn't laugh often.  Do you think there is something wrong with him?"

Normal, and normal.

He's at that age at which he's figured out that there's all sorts of stuff to do in the world, and he can't do any of it. Let's face it--mobiles and playmats are really only so much fun (almost exactly five minutes of fun, truthfully) but then he needs to be where the action is. He's a man on the town, a guy with places to go. Only he can't move around to get at any of that action himself. So it makes him pissed off and whiny.

He zones out with Baby Einstein because everyone zones out when they watch TV (which is why JetBlue flights are always so pleasant--everyone's anesthetized with the TV so they don't harass the flight attendants). And he's happy when he's up in the Bjorn with you because then he's up! where the cool people are! and he can see things! and he's moving! But then you want to get something done so you put him on the playmat and that makes him cranky.

Eventually this will pass, because eventually he will be able to crawl, and then walk, and then run, and then drive, and he'll be in charge of his own motion. But for now, the more you can keep him up and in motion the happier he'll be. The Bjorn is probably killing your back by now, so I'd just bite the bullet and spend the money on an Ergo or wrap. You can put him on your back that way and he'll be happy while you just go about your normal day. The motion all helps the neural connections form in his brain. When you put him down, put him on his tummy, because the more time he spends on his tummy the more practice he gets with the building blocks of crawling, but don't expect that he'll like it.

Other options are to borrow a big dog and/or a 5-year-old to entertain him in this premobile phase. But that might end up being more work than you want.

Any reminiscences or ideas?

Comments

[Jane Plane]

Verticality and independence can also be a driver for kids, so if you don't have an exersaucer kind of thing, you may want to get one. I never had one, but the bumbo seats looks like they might be fun, too. Or prop him in a boppy sitting up with some toys around him. You may need to sit with him so he doesn't face plant or fall backward.

Right around five months was when my kids wanted to sit, and wanted to sit alone.

And just in case you were worrying, a grumpy five month-old does not necessarily translate into a congenitally unhappy toddler, preschooler or older child. Some babies do better with the early stages than others.

[monkeygirl]

I totally agree w/ Jane about the sitting -- that's what kept the ladybug entertained the longest at that age. As well as changing locations relatively frequently -- after an hour in the living room, let's go hang out in your room! (Kept me from going batty looking at the same four walls, too.)

Another thing I found helpful was to put some music on; I think she enjoyed it, and I *know* I did. Helped to snap us both out of a funk sometimes (Paul Simon's Graceland was particularly effective). Hang in there!!

[Charisse]

Sounds normal. :) I just about killed my back carrying my kid around to look at stuff, from 3 weeks on. Luckily she sat early and that was a big help.

Second the exersaucer--that will get you 10 or 15 mins much of the time. Also a doorway bouncie and some music--that "For The Kids" CD, the first one from VH1 is really nice.

Might he sit still for books with you? If you get some of the cool early "That's not my bear" type stuff that he can touch and interact with, and read it with a lot of enthusiasm, that might be exciting.

...and then, yeah, just take him along, and talk to him about what's going on as you do. He'll be surprisingly interested if you keep up a kind of running "OK, now we're going into the store, got to get a cart...do you remember where I stuck my list...well, let's see, first we need cherries, these are nice ones, aren't they beautiful and red?" sort of commentary.

Good luck!
Good luck!

[jessica]

I absolutely second the recommendation for the Ergo. Put him on your back, it's so comfy for everyone. You can also use the Ergo as a front carrier or a sling. My daughter is 19 months, I still use mine. We both love it.

[George]

Our girl was exactly the same. I lugged her round in the sling all day just to keep her happy and get stuff done! Once she was sitting up on her own she was much happier and as soon as she could crawl she became sweetness and light. Well, to a certain extent anyway.

The other thing that worked was to have a stool next to the cot so she could tummy time and still be able to see my face. I listened to a lot of audio books.

[swissmiss]

I wore my son constantly too.

I remember he was always the crankiest just when he was on the cusp of being able to do something but couldn't - those last weeks before he could crawl, the last month before he could walk were miserable for all of us. He knew there was more out there and just. couldn't. do it yet. He was super-cranky during diaper changes until we gave him a step-ladder to climb up to the changing table himself - he's a different boy (diaper-wise) since then.

Find the most challenging thing for his age he can still succeed at and do it with him a lot!

[Jan]

Both my kids adored the Johnny Jump-Up. Adored. Forty-five minutes of laughing and jumping and playing and not caring if I was quietly completing Sudoku puzzles or taking a shower by myself or making dinner or any number of things that I was beginning to despair of ever doing again after I had a baby.

God bless the Johnny Jump-Up -- that's my recollection. :)

(For whatever this is worth: my pediatrician told me that the JJU is healthier for the leg/foot development of the baby than the exersaucer.)

OH, and I almost forgot the best part. The biggest problem with the JJU is its requirement that it be hung in a doorway. My clever, clever husband took a chunk of wood, routed out a "frame" and hung it from the ceiling (he found a beam, obviously). This way the baby was jumping and playing right in the family room where everybody else was AND she/he could jump around 360 degrees without banging into stuff.

I told him he should market the thing.

[lynn]

I ditto the exersaucer. Sounds like he's cranky because he wants to be able to do more. The exersaucer would give him something he can sit up and do. My daughter also loved a play bench (don't know the name of it) that she could sit at, push the buttons, and make sounds. Also my kids liked the Graco Bumper Jumper.

[shirky]

my kid also liked to jump, in the Baby Bungee Bouncer or exersaucer. That's how I cooked or swept the floor. Now that he sits on his own, a busy box lets me dress and dry my hair in the AM.
you can try the Ergo but mine was like, wtf, you think I want to stare at your shoulder blades? scream, scream, scream. And ergo on the front is hard to carry things and impossible to cook.

[Patti]

Exersaucers are great. I also found that if I spent time exploring new motions with my daughter she was less cranky when I had to do other things. I would help her do "sit-ups", play row the boat by leaning back and forth while supporting her, just anything that I could think of that would be a new and fun movement for her little body. She really enjoyed seeing what she could do! I know that babies will start sitting/crawling when they are ready, but it doesn't hurt to help them move and practice! My daughter is 6 months now and sits up, crawls and plays all day long! I also have found that she is cranky right before mastering a skill...maybe try and see what skill your son might be working on. WonderWeeks is the best tool I found for dealing with this.

[Cassie]

Oh wow, I was just saying to my husband last night "Was it just me, or were months 4 through 6 SO much harder than months 0 to 4?". Our son rolled back-to-tummy at 4 months, then wanted! to! crawl! but couldn't, for weeks and weeks afterwards. He was so frustrated all the time at all the things he couldn't yet do, and he did indeed make a noise that I can only describe as whining. Reading with him was no good during this couple of months -- he wanted to be able to hold the books by himself, and most were too large for him to hold on his own (thus more frustration). His bumbo seat with toys within reach was pretty good, but for a limited amount of time. My Ergo was my lifesaver for this couple of months (well, it has been for various reasons since he was born) -- we went out in it at least twice a day (to the shops, to the botanical gardens, to the museum, for looong random walks -- I gave up on getting anything done in the house), and he was always completely chilled as long as we were out and moving (everyone we met while we were out commented on what a happy baby he seemed to be). I got the feeling that while he was working out how to move himself, if I could do the moving for him by carrying him, that took some of the frustration away. And yes, I agree with Moxie that he seemed to like being up high where he could see things -- thus the Ergo was a more surefire calming method than the pram. He's just about to turn 7 months, and it seems we've turned a corner -- he's crawling and pulling himself up to standing -- more independently mobile = less grumpy!

[Scotti]

My son was similarly very grumpy with his inability to move. He wanted to move - right now! Once he started crawling at 6 months life got much more pleasant.

The Jumperoo solves the JohnnyJumpUp problem mentioned above about doorways. It's big - a jumper suspended on it's own frame. But it's safe and lots of fun. My son would jump and jump and jump until he was completely exhausted - laughing the whole time.

Just know that this phase will pass!

[me]

I would definitely try a bumbo seat. It changed everything for us - baby could sit on the counter and watch me make dinner, sit in the middle of the dining room table (think centerpiece for dinner) go to older siblings playdates or classes and sit in it watching the action of the bigger kids... it fit in the basket of our stroller, so we took it everywhere. Just be careful if your guy is tall - for extra tall babies they could get a little top heavy and fall out if they lean forward too far. My guy was more of the short and fat variety, so it wasn't an issue for us. Sadly, he got so fat that the leg holes became too small and his feet would turn blue if he was in it too long - you may want to watch out for that too!

[Shandra]

Totally seconding Moxie's comments. I love my Ergo.

I would borrow every baby-holding device from your friends and test them out - some babies hate one and love the other. My son liked anything that held toys where he could reach them; I actually suspended different toys (carefully) over each corner of the playpen and rotated his head around to each corner every 3-5 minutes for a rotation or two. But he hated the jolly jumper with a passion.

Other favourites: he loved to lie while I did laundry over his head (waving the coloured things before folding). The ceiling fan. Um something else I'm forgetting but along those lines.

I also found this was an age to be out and about as much as possible; changes in scenery helped and having other babies around for the baby to watch/vaguely watch helped (things like mother goose classes). And it all helped me!

[Shandra]

I just wanted to add that other than quick trips to the bathroom, that was the only age at which the playpen was useful, except as a travel cot. :)

[kelli]

Been there, done that with the bored kid - and ours would have nothing to do with the TV. Fortunately, we had the Bjorn with lumbar support - WELL WORTH the extra bucks. I found that once he could sit on his own and play with toys, life got a lot easier. In the meantime, we simply had to leave the house and go places - even Target was fun for him, so at least I was still able to do all my errands, I guess. I also found that having older kids helped with entertainment, so I would beg my sister to come over and bring her kids - my son was absolutely fascinated watching older kids at play.

[Kathy]

Completely normal! My baby was a total crab from months 4-6. That stage was definitely the hardest so far (she's 10.5 months now). I had to carry her around everywhere because she couldn't stand laying down or being confined. She hated the bouncy seat, swing, car seat, exer-saucer--all the things that other babies seemed to love. She just wanted to be on the go. We made lots of trips to Target and the mall to just walk around and see things. Ugh. I'm sorry for you. An unhappy baby is so tiring!

[SarahL]

Thanks everyone -- it's VERY reassuring to know that at least I am not the only one with a 'hard to impress' 5 month old. Cross my fingers he's happier once crawling and on the go!

[Lisa]

As usual, I'm nodding and nodding while reading Moxie's reply and all the comments. Right around 5 months is when I had a bunch of 12-hour weekend shifts, leaving my nonmobile bundle of joy with my husband, who almost jumped off a bridge. The three things that are getting us through are the exercaucer and mei tai, like so many have suggested, and a large foam playmat on the floor with a bunch of random stuff scattered around. We have hardwood floors, so a blanket just gets bunched up, and by itself it's too hard, but on this foam mat (check out softtiles.com) he can roll and roll and roll, often toward new and interesting things that we put there, and change from time to time. It satisfies his need to be active and mobile, and our need to put him down for 5 seconds. And by the way, "interesting things" on the mat do not have to be toys, per se. Hits on ours include tupperware, socks, and the binky (which has been rejected for soothing purposes, but is happily accepted for play. go figure)

[CN]

Have you tried the F!sher Pr!ce Rainf0rest jumper00?

Seriously, a friend recommended this to us for our bundle-o-joy when he started his insistance to stand at 3 mos. We rigged it so his small but strong self would fit. He is entertained by it for 15 minutes + twice a day -- enough time to get dinner going.

It has worked for many moms I know. Borrow one or stick him in one at a playgroup some time and see how he does.

[Megan]

On the fact that your son doesn't laugh very much and seem serious...my son was exactly the same way. We were worried because everyone else's babies seemed to giggle early on. He would smile but not laugh. I'm happy to say that, at 18 months, he is the smiliest, giggliest boy ever. Super happy almost all of the time, and has been from about 8 months on. Before 6 months, he cried in almost any situation (car rides, stroller rides, etc.).

I think that sensitive babies and very alert babies need to be up where the action is (bjorn and ergo were lifesavers) to be happy.

I also used to arrange a new playscene partway through the day while he was napping. I would change out the things I had placed around his blanket so that when he woke up there were all new books, stuffed animals, tupperware, spoons, etc. Loved the Bumbo, too.

Ooh, one more thing: since he never seemed to like the things other babies did, I didn't bother buying any an exersaucer, swing, jumperoo, etc. But I DID take him to a toy store or Target and let him try all of the exersaucer-type things out. It was a good diversion for the 10 minutes that he would have enjoyed it at home. :o)

[sally]

I agree with Moxie 100% here.

My 6.5 month old recently went through the same phase. It's better now. He can't sit up or crawl properly yet, but he can roll around really well. He also scoots. So I can finally put him on the ground with some toys and get more then 30 seconds before he starts crying. Now that he can move under his own power, the ground is a pretty good place to be, and his toys are pretty cool, too.

The Bjorn also worked for us in the early weeks, but as Moxie suggests, the only way we survived months 4-6 was the Ergo. Best $90 I ever spent - it would have been worth it at 3 times the price. We still use that thing every single day. In fact, as soon as I finish this comment, I'm going to put him on my back...he'll be happy for the next several hours while I eat lunch and clean up the house.

During the times when I don't want him on my back, he loves the Fisher-Price Rainforest Jumperoo. We've had mixed results with exersaucers, though.

So yeah. Your baby is okay and this will pass, and sooner than you think. Then, on to the next challenge...for us, it's dealing with my son's utter frustration that he can't quite crawl yet...

[sally]

Also, the Bumbo worked for us for a while, but I wouldn't recommend buying one if the baby is already 5 months. The thing that made the Bumbo a hit - at least for my son - was the fact that I could put it up high, in the middle of the action. (He sat on the table while we ate dinner, for instance, which the Bumbo manufacturer does not recommend, but we did it anyway). It was okay before he was mobile. But now that my son has enough body control, he can easily squirm his way right out of the Bumbo. It's not a secure seat. I wouldn't pay $40 for it with a baby who is just about to reach mobility...

[Heather]

I could have written this question. Little dude will be 5 months in 2 weeks, and has been just plain old difficult for the last two weeks. His sleep has finally become more scheduled, but he's waking more. And he is fussy after ANYTHING, even being carried or worn, after 5 to 10 minutes (although we sometimes squeeze 15 minutes out of the exersaucer). So we just keep switching activities all day and I've given up on doing anything substantial around the house until he's asleep. It's like when he was a newborn all over again, except back then he wanted to be carried ALL THE TIME and I couldn't even put him down for 5 minutes. So, it's still progress...

[Amy]

Ditto on the Exersaucer, Ergo, Bumbo suggestions. Anything that will help him be upright and/or moving and doing something. My daughter was the same way and I constantly felt like I wasn't providing her with enough of something, but couldn't figure it out until we stuck her in a friends exersaucer! We had a few people tell us that exersaucers would be terrible for her leg development/balance, but it SAVED OUR LIVES. She mastered every toy within a few weeks, so get one on which you can switch the toys and make sure it's height adjustable. Lots of Ergo time. And patience for the crawling, which will really help. Good luck!! It'll pass.

[Jamie]

I completely agree with everything here (every baby I have ever cared for was annoyed with life somewhere in the five month range because they were just so trapped by their tiny little bodies) but I have one theory to add -- Teething.

Even if there are no other teething symptoms visible, you might want to ask your ped. if you could just try a little motrin and see what happens. I nannied for one little boy who had no teething symptoms except misery and I thought it was a developmental spurt he was trying to work through (which was true but that turned out not to be the whole issue). He just went along unhappy and fussy for two weeks before he needed motrin for his inoculations and, suddenly and only for six hours, became much happier with life. I clued in after that (oh the guilt!) and he got much happier with more cold toys and ibuprofen. Not over the evils of being immobile by any means but much better.

[amy]

Kids are funny. #1 was happy all the time no matter what he was doing. #2 was a tough customer--much like you describe. It was tough to get her to smile and she seemed on the late end of all the gross motor stuff because she wouldn't spend time on the floor, with toys, etc. My mother was convinced something was wrong and called for testing on a weekly basis. Fast forward 5 years and #1 is a video game couch potato and #2 (the tough customer) excels at all she does. #3 is shaping up to be my most resistant kid to anything other than human contact/in the sling/no time by himself child yet. I'm hoping he'll be the next Einstein at this rate.

[Menita]

I agree with everybody here, and would add - have you tried putting him in his stroller inside the house? My son hated it, but my daughter, who is a very serious little girl as well, loved it. She was higher up than in the bumbo, and felt super adult (my smiley son adored the bumbo and exersaucer, she was a stroller and jumparoo kind of girl).

[Erin]

My daughter, now 10.5 months old, was another baby who was tough to keep happy and entertained. I used to feel as though I had conquered the world if I got her to laugh. Things got a bit better once she began sitting unassisted. The exersaucer also helped, if only to give me 10-15 minutes to eat a sandwich. However, once she started crawling, pulling up, and cruising, she became a wondrously cheerful, giggly baby.

I agree with others about investing in a different baby carrier. I love my Ergo and mei tai. I also like my wraps, but they take longer to learn how to use. If you don't want to pay full price, you might want to check out www.thebabywearer.com. They have a for sale/trade forum that might save you some money.

[NM]

You are lucky! He seems like ahappy babay since he sleeps throught he nigth and naps well, and seriously, does he last a full five minutes. Mine was so much harder. He wnated nothing to dow itht he mobile or baby gym for more than....was it even a minute? Loved to be carried all the time, and has never slept through the night, and he is gonna be two next week! But once he could walk, he sure was a happier baby (except for the sleep....sigh!!!)

[Tava]

Just a word of caution on the BE videos - once it's established that the baby likes them, it can be SO easy (especially, in my experience, when they become toddlers) to simply put in a video when the child is grumpy and/or mom wants to get something done. However, it's not really good for them, and is kind of a slippery slope. I found that after I introduced PBS and DVDs I began relying on them more and more. I never meant to use them as a parenting aid or substitute, but that's what they became, and I didn't feel good about it. We've now cut back. I wish I had never introduced TV/videos, quite frankly. It is just my opinion, but I feel pretty strongly after watching my daughter be hypnotized by TV and videos (all supposedly designed for her age group) that these things are NOT good for their developing brains.
As for what you describe with your 5-month-old not being happy for >5 minutes on the playmat, etc. - SO normal. My daughter was lucky to last 2 minutes in "tummy time". She loved the Bjorn as well. She did OK in the exersaucer but you aren't supposed to leave them in there for more than 20 minutes per day - per my ped (something about the hip flexors). Everything got easier when she could sit up unassisted. It's coming soon. Hang in there!

[Tava]

Oh, and I have an extremely easygoing, constantly chattering/laughing little girl...she was a fussier baby than some and did not smile, laugh or talk on the early schedule - but has MORE than made up for it now! Do not think that because your baby is a bit grumpy at 5 months old that it in any way predicts their future personality. Keep giving him what he seems to need and you can't go wrong (of course, keeping your needs in mind too!).

[Florabora]

Ditto on the exersaucer bit. We ended up finding one used - I bet if you have a Craig's list or some decent kiddie consignment shops you'll be able to find one for under $40.

Another thing to think about - if you haven't started solids yet - he could be grumpy because he's hungry. I tried to hold off until the 6 month mark, but gave in a week after my little one turned 5 months - because all the formula and breast milk in the world was not satisfying him.

[Kara]

I'm with Moxie and everyone else, too. My son was very similar at that age. At the time I thought I had a very grouchy baby, but things improved when he became strong enough to move on his own. There was a big difference when he could sit on his own. Then crawling wasn't far behind, and that made the biggest difference. I have wondered in retrospect if it wasn't that he was grumpy, it was just that he was frustrated with being able to see things that he wanted to do but not being physically ready to do them.

My solutions were what you're already doing--Bjorn, and we also added the backpack and did a lot of hiking. I was rarely able to keep him busy on an activity long enough to, say, fold a load of laundry. The other thing I'd suggest is try to engage him in what you're doing. If you need to sort and fold a load of laundry, station him near your basket, and show him the process and and talk about it. If nothing else, he'll be entertained and you'll have a happy baby for a few moments.

[zoey]

My incredible son has slept so well his whole life thus far until a week ago (turned 5 months on sunday). he wakes up every 2 - 3 hours and thrashes about for a half an hour or so before actually falling alseep again, instead of just drifting off while nursing for 3 minutes like he used to. the whole time he thrashes he makes these noises like he's "aye, aye, aye". I can only imagine that it is teething as he is eating his hands all the time and gums my nipples while nursing. Maybe your son has some pain happening too? So far the homeopathic remedies for teething have helped immensley.

[Allison]

I'm so glad to hear all of these comments. My daughter is just 4 months and is a perpetual complainer if I am not constantly entertaining her (and even that doesn't always help). Difficult to do while working full time from home! She also began teething a few weeks ago, so by the end of the day she is in quite a snit! I do hope that this passes when she is able to sit up and crawl. Thanks for giving me some hope!

[Mary]

Wow. I thought I was crazy!! From 3 weeks old to currently 5 months old my son is ALWAYS upset...hates the swing, bounceroo, laying, sitting after about 5-10 minutes. He only like to be up high or watch TV. I was about to take him to a behavioral specialist I was so worried.

[lucy]

My son is at the exact same stage and is going totally stir crazy!!! At least yours is a good napper as not only does my son get bored he gets overtired too - aaghhh!!!! I'm just biding my time (another 10 days to go!) until the local toy library opens for the new year. You can borrow between 2 and 6 items at a time and they have some seriously cool stuff, like the jumperoos, activity saucers etc. We have exhausted the play value of so many things now (play gym, jumperoo, activity tunnel, wiggles DVD) that we need new stuff each week just for the novelty. You might want to see if there's something like that where you live...?

[Ergo Baby Carrier]

I nannied for one little boy who had no teething symptoms except misery and I thought it was a developmental spurt he was trying to work through (which was true but that turned out not to be the whole issue).

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