Q&A: how to divide up bedrooms

Sarah writes:

"First I do have to say how much I enjoy not only your comments but also the forum that you've created.  Thanks!

My question is about room sharing.  We have a 5 yr. old boy and 20 mo. old girl.  We've always had them share a room but soon we'll be moving into a new house (our first - yay!) with three bedrooms total.  But we'll also be having a new baby girl in two months.  So I was thinking that it might be best to keep the older two sharing a room for awhile and make the transition to a "girls' room" and a "boy's room" later.  But here's the thing, my 5 yr. old has all sorts of toys that are difficult/impossible for him to play with in peace (ie. Lincoln Logs, involved puzzles, etc.) except during nap times.  Would it be better to split up the older and younger siblings or am I asking for failure in the sleeping/napping department?  Ugh!  This seems like it should be so simple, more rooms = better/easier.  But I'm having such trouble figuring it out (haha!).  I think this may be one of those situations that would be greatly aided by someone with experience or at least a clearer brain..."

I love the comments, too, especially when what I say is wrong or incomplete and the commenters get to the real answer!

I think (and I know the comments are going to go a bunch of different ways) that I'd go with the big kid/baby split. Here's why:

The two older ones already know each other and are in practice with sharing a room. It's going to be something stable and solid once the baby comes and shakes things up for them.

I'm assuming you'll have more room in general in the new house, so your son can play with his many-pieced toys (the bane of my existence) in another room while your daughter naps. Also, in 8 months or so the pieces won't be as much of an issue because your daughter will be able to be more of a participant and less of a nuisance with the big-kid games.

More importantly, the baby could be a stellar sleeper or she could be one of those kids who needs a lot of help and tending for months and months. If  she is, the last thing you're going to need is to have the older children's sleep messed up because of her. Or, even worse, her sleep messed up because of them!

That's what I've got on this, but I only have two, and they share a room easily. Proposals and counter-proposals solicited for the comments section.

Comments

[hedra]

I agree - and I recommend keeping the bedroom for quiet activities, not play. We aim for books as the main item in the bedroom at this point - an activity both kids (4 years apart) can enjoy together, quietly, without disrupting each other. They will bring in toys, and at the moment, the lego/bionicle are there too (for total lack of more space), but this is really an invitation to disaster - or at least, mess. Oh, and stuffed toys, they're in there, too.

For a long time, we had all sorts of toys in there (that they could both enjoy), and I've tried various ways of organizing them so they can be kept neat, but we've found that the best bet is to have good storage in the living room, and minimal distractions in the bedroom.

I'd consider assigning a space or room for the toys-with-parts. We've even gated off half the living room with one of those room-spanning gates, as a way to keep the little ones contained away from the big kid stuff, alternating who is on which side (such as, big kids at the dining room table with bionicles or lego, me with the littles on the far side of the gate playing with age-appropriate toys).

Space is a huge issue for us - four kids, TWO bedrooms total. Planning to renovate fairly soon, but for the forseeable future, the girls are sharing our room.

Hope that helps...

[laura]

My BIL and SIL have four kids and a three bedroom house; their 5.5 yr old girl and 3.75 yr old boy share and the twins (1 yr old boys) share. They have had no small amount of disruption to the older kids' sleep because when the babies were born last year, the younger boy was at a stage where sleep was the first thing to go when he was upset by the arrival of the babies. They ended up having to split the older two for a couple of months and keep the twins in the master bedroom and even in the family room in pack and plays-- because the middle of night waking of the 2.5 year old coupled with his bedwetting (all developmentally appropriate for him then and exacerbated by the new twins coming) really messed up the older child's sleep-- and, being 5, she didn't take to napping again-- so she was just miserable. As soon as everyone hit some equilibrium, the older two started sharing again and the twins got their room back. It only took a couple months, actually-- hardly any time at all in the scheme of things. Being flexible with the sleeping arrangements was key for their family. (And not easy-- my brother is NOT flexible...)
That said, I wanted to second what another commenter said about not having too many toys in the room due to distractions. This has been a BIG issue this summer for them because now the older siblings really play together well and were not settling down at night/ waking up in the night and waking the other one and have 3 am polly pocket/star wars weddings and such.

Isn't *your* Darth Vadar married to "princess polly pocket" Ariel? Darth LOVES redheads (at least in our neck of the woods...) :)

[laura]

My BIL and SIL have four kids and a three bedroom house; their 5.5 yr old girl and 3.75 yr old boy share and the twins (1 yr old boys) share. They have had no small amount of disruption to the older kids' sleep because when the babies were born last year, the younger boy was at a stage where sleep was the first thing to go when he was upset by the arrival of the babies. They ended up having to split the older two for a couple of months and keep the twins in the master bedroom and even in the family room in pack and plays-- because the middle of night waking of the 2.5 year old coupled with his bedwetting (all developmentally appropriate for him then and exacerbated by the new twins coming) really messed up the older child's sleep-- and, being 5, she didn't take to napping again-- so she was just miserable. As soon as everyone hit some equilibrium, the older two started sharing again and the twins got their room back. It only took a couple months, actually-- hardly any time at all in the scheme of things. Being flexible with the sleeping arrangements was key for their family. (And not easy-- my brother is NOT flexible...)
That said, I wanted to second what another commenter said about not having too many toys in the room due to distractions. This has been a BIG issue this summer for them because now the older siblings really play together well and were not settling down at night/ waking up in the night and waking the other one and have 3 am polly pocket/star wars weddings and such.

Isn't *your* Darth Vadar married to "princess polly pocket" Ariel? Darth LOVES redheads (at least in our neck of the woods...) :)

[Awesome Mom]

An alternative to that would be to have the baby sleep in the room with the parents. That is recommended for the first few months any way. We have a three bedroom but wanted to have the boys share a room. We had the baby in with us for about six months until he slept long enough that he would not be waking his brother. We still nap him in another room because if he and his brother were in the same room they would laugh and giggle with each other rather than getting the sleep they need.

[me]

I don't know how big your house is, but I'd move the toys to another room and try and keep bedrooms for sleeping, books, and other quiet play. Even if you have to give up your living room or some other space for awhile, I think well rested family is your main goal, and household tidy-ness takes second place. I'm expecting our 3rd too and going through similar, but we aren't moving houses. Just juggling 3 kids between two rooms.

[pnuts mama]

i only have one kid so far, but my sister had her third in a 2 bedroom before they moved to a 3 bedroom house. she kept the baby in her room for the first 6 months or so, and then in the new house put the two little guys in a room together and let the older one have his own room again. i think moxie is right in the idea that keeping the two older ones together will at least keep one thing in their lives constant (new baby, new house- world rocking), but eventually, the two girls will probably have more in common in a room together and your son can have a place that is his alone.

i do like the idea of having bedrooms be quiet spaces, but sometimes in a small house that is difficult- my sister finished part of her basement for the kids to have as their primary play area, but sometimes it's hard to contain the chaos! congrats on the new baby and new home!

[SarcastiCarrie]

Also, don't feel bad if you don't want the baby in your room. My son is/was NOISY when he slept. Even with my door closed and his door closed his snuffling and breathing and heavy sighing in his sleep is/was enough to wake me up. I hate going on vacation or staying at someone else's house because we inevitably wind up with disrupted sleep and then I'm just not myself and am a little cranky.

So, bottom line, in your room might be great, but if you just need to get the baby away from you so everyone can sleep, don't give yourself a trip over it.

[Jana]

Does anyone have any thoughts on how long children of different genders can peacefully room together? We're in a two bedroom home and our 9 month old son sleeps in a crib in our room, but he'll be moving into his 4 year old sister's room in another month or so when he's (hopefully) sleeping a bit later in the morning. How long can we expect them to peacefully coexist before we need to look into remodeling or moving?

[hedra]

They start wanting privacy from the other siblings (in general) by 7, often before that. They start caring that it is the other gender in PARTICULAR at variable ages, but usually by 9 or 10 they start wanting gender-based privacy.

That said, while my parents were rearranging our house (many kids, redoing basement), I shared a room with my little brother, and loved it. I think I was about 7 at the time. I really missed sharing the room with him even when I had my own room. We later shared again when my parents divorced, though that was more problematic - I was 13, he was 10, even with a room divider, that wasn't fun.

[lydia]

My younger brother and I shared until I was 8 and he was 6. At that point I was excited to get my own room, but he had a harder time. Of course, our new rooms were connected and we always left the doors open.

How did you get the older two sleeping together when the now 20 month-old was born?
I'm planning to transition my 29 month old and my 5 month old to sleeping in the same room over the next few months. Right now the baby boy is sleeping with me and my husband is sleeping in our daughters room.

[karla]

i wonder, if you don't have space in your living room, etc. for all the little-pieces toys, could you let your son play with them in your bedroom, so he could shut the door and be out of reach of the younger siblings? maybe you could keep his toys in a cute trunk or basket with a lid, so that it doesn't make your room look crowded with toys.

[Sarah]

Wow! What great comments - thanks for all the input! See, this is the part I love - the combination of Moxie's suggestions and the wide variety of comments. Thanks!

[lynn]

About the toy situation - I agree with hedra... We have a portion of the family room gated off (the Superyard XT is modular and rearrangable, I highly recommend it) and we used it to make a "playpen" for our old son, age 6.5. He climbs in there via strategically placed stools, and has all his k'nex, legos, zoobs, and other toys with small pieces. Our daughter, age 1.5, has toys in open bins in another corner of the family room, and plays outside the playpen, or he comes out and plays with her when he's using toys she can play with too.

He also has his own room, but he'd much rather be near the family then upstairs by himself, so this works for us.

[Joy]

This is what we do. We have a 7 yr. old boy, a 5 yr. old girl and an 8 mo. old girl. The older two had always shared a room, as we lived in a 2 BR house till they were 3 and 5, when we moved to a 3 BR. Now we have a girly room for the girls and a Star Wars room for the boy, but the older 2 still sleep in bunk beds in the boy's room, and the baby in the girly room.

They have a playroom where they have lots of toys, but it's also my in- home daycare room, so all their special/tiny- pieces toys they keep in their own rooms. They know there are times they can play in their rooms and times they can't, just as there are times they can play outside and times they can't.

Also, it helps tremendously keeping the rooms restful if the toys are picked up and organized; I use cheap plastic bins ($1-2 each) and made labels for them so it's easier for the kids to know where things go and therefore pick them up on their own. This has made my polly pocket/ bionicle hell much more pleasant.

So far, the older two still enjoy each others company while rooming together, and I think it's good for them to share a space... teaches them tolerance of others and getting- skills. Hope this helps.

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[handbag hook]

Sharing rooms is sometimes great way to better relationships inside the family. However, it tags along some problems as well. I guess the best thing to do is still giving your each of your children a separate room.

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[Halil]

Part 2 -August 26th 2009.Orange county California4 pmCarl Probyn found that the years might go by, he might be in dfifrent places, but the suspicion never ended.By now he had also come to terms with the fact that they would never find Jaycee alive. He still held out hope they would find her remains and, yes, bring her killers to justice. But most hope he had she was still alive had faded long ago.The phone rang and he found that his daughter Shayna was on the other line. Mom has something to tell you. I hope you're sitting down .Then she put terry on the phone. Are you sure your sitting down? She repeated. Yes. He responded. What was this about? he wondered.Then the words he thought he might never hear resounded in his ear. They found Jaycee.' As shocking as this was he'd always held out hope they'd find her remains. She's alive. What? did he really just hear that? Then he knew it was true. They spent the next several minutes crying over the phone. Carl was in shock and didnt yet have the details. Terry added some information. She was with some people and they are in custody. He didnt know much more then that that day. All he knew was that Jaycee was home and he'd been vindicated.Finally. -Riverside Californiaabout an hour later.Tina Dugard hung up the phone in absoulte shock.Her niece Shayna had just called and informed her that Jaycee had been found. Alive.Its strange as how time pssses perspective changes.When Jaycee was first kidnapped, Tina had believed that Jaycee would be found within a few days.Then withink a week.or a month.oh she'll be home by thanksgiving.oh she'll surely be home by christmas.That first christmas after the kidnapping Tina had bought Jaycee a barbie doll she was sure she would open.That barbie doll still sat in her house unopened 18 years later.By now Tina believed Jaycee must be dead. This news that from her sister and her niece that Jaycee had been found alive was almost unbelieveable.What if this was a joke, a sick cruel prank?Jaycee and Shayna were flying up north the next morning to meet this woman. Tina would go with them, uncertian if this was real.She spent the night tossing and turning in bed, not getting much sleep, and she would nearly end up missing that flight .. -Terry Probyn had believed very much what her sister had originally.This was some kind of elaborate, sick prank.Then the man identifying himself as an Fbi agent put the woman claiming to be her daughter on the phone.Terry put her thru a series of test questions. Questions only Jaycee could possibly know the anser too.The woman got all the right answers.This was not the cruelest joke after all.This was the greatest phone call of her life instead. August 27th, 2009Somewhere in the Bay Area, californiaThe Fbi met Terry, Tina and Shayna at the airport and drove them to a secret location where Jaycee was.Terry was first to meet with Jaycee. She had another revelation for her mother. Hi mom, i have babies She told her.Next it was Tina Dugard's turn. ALl the doubts of whether this was real or not dissapeared in the nano second that Jaycee flashed her smile and yelled Auntie Tina! Tina ran forward and embraced and held Jaycee, and cried and didnt want to let go.The long nightmare for the family was over.Finally.Then it was Shayna's turn. Im so happy to finally meet you! She told her sister. Finally after nearly 20 years of looking at old photos and home movies, Shayna's sissy' (as she called her when a toddler) was here in the flesh. Strangely the connection was immediate, as if they'd been together all along. -For 18 year Terry Probyn had lived with the regret that she hadnt kissed jaycee goodbye before she left for work the morning Jaycee was kidnapped.This was no longer a problem.Over the next few days Terry got to do that and much more. She even french braided her daughters hair for the first time since she was 11. She of course knew that Jaycee was no longer a child. But catching up for lost time didnt seem so bad an idea.NOt after all the hell the entire family had been thru.Of course many questions remained. Who had taken her? who were jaycee's babies'. But the most important thing to Jaycee and her family was they were back toggether.And no one would ever, ever seperate them again.

[Geordie]

WOW! What a great Pato and Sleepy Bird! They're perfect! Now where's Pocoyo .. (If I could draw in the cometnms, I'd draw two cute little hands popping up from the bottom edge!) hehe!

[MUHAMMED]

From what I have found the national chain sreots do not carry quality toys. Mostly it's over-commercialized plastic toys that are either sexy or violent. If you have to go with a national chain at least Target is starting to carry some quality toys. Your best bet is to find an independent toy store in your area. Do a google search on toy sreots and your city and state and you'll probably find some good ones. Every independent toy store I have been to is much better than the national chains.