Q&A: changing a child's name

Here's a really interesting one for a Monday morning. Nicole writes:

"I wanted to know if you could tell me about name changing. I changed my child's name 6 weeks after he was born and now I feel like the worst parent on earth and I feel I messed the rest of his life up. Could you please help me."

You didn't mess the rest of his life up. (Assuming, of course, that you didn't change his name to Adolph, Saddam, Pol Pot, etc., which could make a person's life extremely difficult.)

Names are really important, because they help define who we are. and some people definitely seem to be the perfect incarnation of their names. But I don't think that means that only one name will fit a person, or that being named the "wrong" name will change the course of a person's life.

I don't know how old your son is now, but it can take awhile to adjust to a name. I was convinced for the first month that my older son had the wrong name (his dad named him). Now I can't imagine any other name for him. One of his friends was given a name in the hospital, and when his mother came home she realized it was a name she really hated. And then she didn't come up with one she liked until the baby was 5 weeks old, so he was nameless in that time! (I was kind of confused and flummoxed when she told us what the new name was because it was so normal and traditional--I'd thought that she had this raging internal debate over two wild names. It turned out the other name was traditional, too.) Now, of course, he totally fits his name. But you know what? He'd fit the other name, too.

There may be other issues here that you didn't tell me, like naming him after someone you didn't really want to name after. But if it was just a matter of changing from one name to another, he'll grow into the name and you'll probably look back and laugh at the first name you chose. Or else he'll get it changed when he's an adult and you can offer to pay the legal fees for the change.

Anyone else with big naming angst? (And if you're talking about names you hate, better not mention the actual name in case someone else reading just named their child that name. I feel safe disparaging the names of brutal murdering dictators, but every other name is liked by at least someone out there.)

Comments

[Sue]

When we had our son a few months ago, I was convinced we had given him the "wrong" name for several weeks. We had chosen an extremely strong, uncommon name for him (Wolfgang) to reflect his family heritage.And because we like the nickname Wolfie. For weeks after he was born, though, Wolfgang seemed all wrong, and I desperately wanted him to be a Toby (not even a name we had considered). Now, at 5 months, he's grown into Wolfie a bit and I'm ok with it again (though I still think he'd make a good Toby). I just hate it when people call him "Wolf." I should have seen that one coming, but geez it drives me crazy! And we aren't completely awful - we did give him Robert as a middle name in case he wants something more common when he's older.

[enu]

One of my daughters purely hates her given name. Although I am only minimally sympathetic (after all, I had to go through life as "enu," so she has it easy!) I've made it clear she can call herself anything she likes, and change her name if she pleases. However, she herself has not, in all these years, hit on anything she really fancies. So I may one day end up introducing my daughter as "Ermengarde" or "Zpt7fle" - I can cope and I'm sure she can, too. I would tell the Nicole to not sweat it - it really is small stuff and Freddy/Chaim/Boom-Boom will forgive you in time ;-)

[O]

I went through name regret with both sons, though now I love both names.
My best friend went through the 2-versions-of-the-same-name angst; she'd used the "nickname" version of the longer name on the birth certificate and then realized it seemed limiting, so spend the next several months trying to get his birth certificate changed.
No biggie. The baby won't even remember, and a lot of kids' names morph anyway. We were going to call our younger one "Jay," in homage to his initial and his somewhat common in our family name. And we did, for the first month, but it totally freaked out the older one to call the baby by a letter (to his ears) rather than a "name," so we started using other permutations of the name. No harm, no foul to the baby...just a few monogrammed "Jay" items left to remind us of the original plan.
Hang in there. Everything is monumental in those first months. I'm sure you made a fine choice.

[paola]

I grew up with a foreign name in an English speaking country (Australia)and had a terrible time at school with teachers and kids not being able to pronounce it. I got 'payolla' most of the time, which was so utterly embarrassing for a shy 12 year old of Italian extraction. I even got to the point of refusing to tell people my name and then started to spell it the anglo way, 'Paula', which remedied the situation until I developed a stronger self esteem and switched back to the original spelling.

I vowed never to give my kids foreign sounding names for the same reasons, but have ended up doing just that, as my Noah and Zoe, perfectly beautiful names in Anglo speaking countries, are half Italian and live in Italy where people look at me strangely when I tell them my kids names, or have difficulties pronouncing them .

I figure, they can always do what I did, if things end up getting tough.

[Alice]

My story is pretty close to Paola's. I grew up in the Midwest, with a Spanish name that looks like an English name (Alice). I didn't like the name "Al-iss" and so went by Alicia until I was in college. Then I decided people should just pronouce my name correctly (Ah-lee-say), and it's been that way since then. When we were pregnant I didn't think I would want to give our son a Spanish name, but it's totally who he is. There are also several nicknames he can go by if people have a hard time pronouncing it!

[AmyinMotown]

Six weeks? No biggie. Seriously, while I am sure you got flak from people for being indecisive the only person who would be affected by your decision is the baby and he doesn't care--he's probably just figured out he HAS a name! While we have never changed my daughter's name, she has a jillion nicknames (Mags, Mag, Magglio, Ordonez (the last two for a Detroit Tigers player signed shortly after she was born), Miss Lady, Maggie May when May is NOT her middle name) and we frequently also use her full name (Margaret) especially when she's getting a behavior warning. She has never had any trouble figuring out her name and will correct me that her name is MAGGIE if I call her something else. And her name fits her perfectly, but honestly the only reason she has it is it is the ONLY girl's name my husband and I could agree on. The. Only. One.

[Shanna]

Our twins are six months old and I still turn to my husband at least once a week and say, "Did we give them the right names?"

If we'd named them in the hospital, my son at least would have had a different name, and possibly my daughter as well. We deferred both name announcements for a week (had a baby-girl-naming ceremony on the same day as our son's brit milah), which also gave us some time to get to know our kids a little bit and maybe feel a tad comfortable with our Big Decisions. But, really - had we gone with other names, then those would be their names. Unless we changed them, which is totally possible.

My parents put a secular/English name on my sister's birth certificate, but by the time she was a few months old we were all calling her and introducing her by her Hebrew name. Never got around to actually filing the name change paperwork until she was two and a half, though, and some of her medical records are still in the old name. She's 15 now, and I think she's handling her dual-name-identity just fine.

[Jan]

My brother was given one name (Daniel) at the hospital, then, as I've been told it, "just didn't seem like a Daniel" after they got him home, so they changed it to Stephen. I've always thought that was kind of unusual, but I read all these stories and I guess I was wrong!

Also my mom was named after an aunt that she loved, but whose name she didn't. When she was 16 and her family moved to a new city, she decided to start using her middle name instead and has continued to.

Very weird for us when we went to her (first) high school reunion and everyone there was calling her by a different name!

[Nicole]

I have a friend who didn't get a name until she was two. Years old. No name at all.

To this day, everyone calls her Peanut.

She is fine.

[fahmida]

My friend has a story about how she grew up thinking her name was one thing, and then digging up her birth certificate when she was in grade school for a school project and learning her name was really something else! She doesn't use her birth-certificate name anywhere, and all her legal documents (even her marriage certificate) uses the name she grew up with. If nothing else, it's a great story.

We have a lot of stories about kids being named long after birth in our family - it just works out as great stories. The kids love hearing how their names were chosen and don't seem to mind whether it went through several iterations or if the parents were ready and waiting with the name.

With our son, we chose a name that the family disliked, and preferred a similar-sounding name (off by one letter). We got some pressure in the early weeks to get it changed but we refused. 18 months later, we don't have the pressure anymore. But he's also accumulated a lot of nicknames in that space of time.

Names are something we all grow in to, so everything will be fine for Nicole's child.

[Kristin]

I had angst after naming both my kids, we choose unusual names and I was afraid people would think I was some kinda crazy hippy.
I am 100% confident with our choices after a few years.

[shirky]

there's a kid's book called "sweety feety" with a cute story about a late-named kid

[ksmaybe]

My father was another one of those whose parents just didn't feel like the name they chose at the hospital fit him. They named him Richard, planning to call him Rich. They abandoned the plan quickly and he's been called by and used his middle name, Scott, his entire life. This only became difficult when they named my brother Scott, and everyone assumed a Jr./Sr. thing that wasn't actually true. No harm resulted though!

[rabi]

my parents were worried that my name was too unusual / unpronouncable / ungirly, so they somewhat spontaneously added a more traditional , feminine anglo-saxon name to the front of my full name when I was a few months old. my family called me by both of my first names together and everyone else called me by the new, normal first name until I was six, when I learned the whole story and decided to reclaim my original name, which is what everyone still calls me today. people give me a hard time about it now and then (at the DMV for instance), but now I truly appreciate having what I am confident is a 100% unique two-part first name. it hasn't ruined my life at all and I am actually really proud of it!

[Megan]

Many cultural/historical traditions, including Western ones, did not immediately give names to new babies - for years even. Mostly this was for sad reasons (infant mortality rates) but also to learn who the child was before deciding on a name. Native American tribes still use this naming approach, I believe.

My sister was initially named a nickname but at 2 years, my folks changed it officially to the formal name. As an adult, that is what she uses outside the family. Names are funny. They probably should have named her Peanut... would have changed everything.

[Katie]

Our kid didn't have a name for days. He was in the NICU and on the little dry erase boards that they had in his station that carried details about his care, including his name, it just said, "Cricket" which was his womb name. I felt really guilty about not having/knowing his name.

I'm glad we took the time to get to know him a little before naming him.

I also think you could just call him the name you wanted to call him and not change his name.

Everyone in my family has a name that is different from their given name. I'm probably the only one whose nickname is logical from the given (Katie from Catherine) but seriously, with everyone else, not even close.

And it's fine.

[Barb]

My husband was originally a Peter James and after six weeks his mom decided "He just wasn't a Peter." He is now John Howard. (He jokes that he's now all three apostles, Peter, James and John).

I know a little girl who was named Lauren but been called Lola since birth and her parents are probably going to change her name officially because she doesn't even know what her "real" name is- she's just Lola.

I think every family had their own needs and every child has their own identity (some strongly associated with their name, some not so much).

[Stephanie]

We really do get ourselves worked up about names, don't we?

Like Katie above, our daughter was premature and we hadn't yet chosen a name for her when she was born, in part because we'd thought we'd have a lot more time to think about it. The poor little thing was "Baby Girl Brown" for several days. We finally went with "Chloe" because, like another poster above said, it was the only girl's name neither of us hated. Had she been a boy, we had strongly considered Graham. That sent my mother-in-law over the edge. She kept saying "but all the kids will call him Graham Crackers!" Oh no! We both felt that if being called "Graham Crackers" was the child's biggest tragedy in life, he'd be in pretty darn good shape. But then we were surprised with a girl and had no idea what to name her!

I am now 10 days overdue with our second daughter and we're STILL not sure what we're going to name her. Part of the problem is that my husband and I have really different taste in names. But the other big problem is our last name: Brown. You'd think it would be easy to work with, but it's surprisingly difficult! First of all, there are a number of famous Browns and you don't really want to saddle a kid with that - James Brown, the Unsinkable Molly Brown or Sweet Georgia Brown, for example. And you know how kids are with rhymes - Marley Brown would become Charlie Brown or Moxie Brown would end up being Foxy Brown - you just can't win! Then there's the fact that Brown is a color - that makes things really tricky. Coco Brown, Sienna Brown, Sierra Brown - they all sound like paint colors! Try going with anything nature-related and it either sounds like a sweater color from J. Crew (Stone Brown) or reminds you of decay or pollution (River Brown? Forest Brown? Daisy Brown? Just depressing.) If it's a name that already sounds like a color, then it just sounds like a terrible color combination (Violet Brown anyone? Ugh.) It's enough to make you crazy!

I live in Portland, Oregon where a lot of people pride themselves on coming up with unusual names. I'm having my baby at a birth center at which they have a name board by the front door. Every time a new baby is born at the birth center, the midwives write their first and middle name (and their weight) on the board to announce their arrival to the world. When I go in for checkups, I always scan the board to see if there's a new name posted that would work well with Brown. I have to say, I've seen some unusual names. There was a little one a few weeks ago named "Radio." Not sure if Radio was a boy or a girl, but I am guessing that he or she will be the only Radio in his/her class. The most unusual name I have seen so far has been "Atari 11" (and 11 was written numerically, not alphabetically.) I found that one strangely reassuring. I keep telling myself that eventually we will come up with a name that fits this little one perfectly. And if we don't, we can always call her X-box 360... or maybe Play Station 2!

By the way, our daughter Chloe is now four, and I honestly cannot imagine her being named anything else. I wasn't 100% sold in the beginning, but now it is 100% her.

[Jenni]

How about a name change at 6 years old? Yep, a friend had her name changed just as she turned 6. Today, she's a fine, happy person, successful in business and glad to have changed her name. The moral? Do what feels right and stop worrying.

[Menita]

My husband and I agreed on our second choice for a girl's name, and that's what we named our daughter. It was hard to get used to it because I'd had a dream, since I was a little girl, of what I would call a daughter if I ever had one. My daughter's name fit her perfectly early on, though, and the other name would have been just wrong.
My son...I still think he has the wrong name. I wanted, so badly, for him to be Benjamin. And he is just the perfect Ben. But my husband wanted him to have the same first initial as both grandfathers (which was sweet), so we chose our favorite name that started with that letter. He's still Ben to me, though, often.
Funny, come to think of it, then name for my son that I am completely reconciled to is what my daughter calls him: Quin. That fits.

[Menita]

Oh, BTW, both my husband and I have names that get SLAUGHTERED when pronounced in English, so we wanted to give our kids Spanish names that would be pronounced easily (we tested them plenty).
One person actually asked me, when I told her what we were naming our son "don't you think giving him an ethnic name will be an obstacle? I mean, you already gave your daughter one."
Sigh.

[hedra]

My name is not the same as what is on my birth certificate. I ended up with my step-dad's last name, just because it was 'easier'. Easier to not have to explain that my little brother was a half-brother, that my parents were divorced, etc., etc. All my sibs were enrolled in school with the same last name - not the name we were born with. No name change, just used a different one.

Oldest changed her name - first, middle, and last - when she got married. She'd always hated her name - too gender-neutral, too ethnic, too sturdy-sounding, not elegant enough (or snooty enough, as some of us young punks commented on hearing the new middle was "Ashley" instead of "Allison", LOL!). But hey, her name, she can choose. Even mom accepts the new name without a blink. When we talk about her, we call her "L" for the period before the name change, and "M" after. But "M" to her face, because that's her name.

Second oldest kept the last name, and I kept the last name, of our step-dad. The one in-between went back to his birth name. My dad was hurt that we didn't use the name he 'gave' us, but he got over it, especially as one of my kids is named after his mom. It is a serious pain in the rear to change the name as an adult, but as a kid? Not a biggie.

My name has never legally been changed to what I use, by the way. I officially have an "AKA" on the books, though it was deemed unnecessary to put the AKA part on my drivers license or passport, because there were NO records other than birth records that used that name. Even my SSN is in my 'use-name'. There were a series of affadavits that had to be signed and presented to show that I had never officially used my birth name, all school records and medical records (existing) were in my use-name, etc. Just that birth certificate... should be a serious pain in the rear for any genealogist to track. The only link is on my marriage license. I really should change it legally, but I doubt I'll bother until after my dad dies - he'd be doubly hurt if I did, I suspect.

Anyway, long story, but basically, if you change it when they're pre-verbal, it won't be a big hairy deal. It's only a small pain in the rear for the rest of their life if it was NOT changed legally. An annoyance, really. Changed legally, it's so minor nobody will care. And it does provide a good story. You can always prove that you really cared about your son, and wanted the best for him, by trotting out that tale - even his name you wanted to be right.

I'm not sure that I dodged the name issue at all, myself - I gave one child a gender-neutral name, another an odd spelling variant that I *thought* would be easily pronounced, but after 2 years, my own MOM still gets it wrong. ARGH. And of course, her middle is a name she's not going to be able to use as an alternate... But hey, she's got a great nickname, which is actually a name in an entirely different language. Just to confuse the bejeezus out of people, I guess.

I consider names to be living instruments - they change through our lives, reflect our families but also our peers (nicknames in particular), and we can force them to take new forms if we wish. IMHO, no biggie on the name change now, just leave any further changes up to him and his peers. It's HIS name now, and it will be totally out of your hands as soon as he can introduce himself to someone with it.

[Shelley]

My own personal name issue is that my parents chose to call me by my middle name rather than my first name, which means it's something I always have to think about when ordering airline tickets, etc. It's a PITA and I've actually had to pay to get plane tickets changed when someone forgot and booked it under the name people actually call me as opposed to my first, legal name.

You can't legally drop your first name when you marry without a big deal, so I kept it along with my maiden name -- didn't want to drop IT, as it's a name that actually meant something, so now I have four names. This which-name issue is also a challenge with insurance, doctor's papers, etc. because I never know whether people have my first name or middle name in the records.

[AmyinMotown]

I should add I am Catholic and my circle of acquaintance growing up is rife with girls whose name is really Mary Katherine and she goes by Kate, or Mary Margaret and goes by Molly, etc. So that doesn't seem odd to me.

[pnuts mama]

i think changing a baby's name if you really feel as though it doesn't suit them is fine!!

we consider ourselves very lucky that pnut's real name really did suit her at birth and still does. we call her a nickname of her full name as well as a bunch of other things. we both call ourselves nicknames of our full names, as well, and i wanted that for my kid- i loved in high school choosing a different derivative nickname than the one i grew up with which i considered passe by the time i was a sophisticated 14 years old (rolls eyes at self). but i also like having a formal full name to use in my professional life and shorter versions for personal use. like amyinmotown, we are catholic so our families trend towards more traditional anglo names with a zillion nickname options. you have to when there are 6 johns or thomas's in a generation.

[Charisse]

Yep, I think kids will find their own name no matter what you give them. I was born "Cynthia" and called "Cindy", which never suited me. Eventually the same I use, "Cyd" suggested itself in my teens--even my parents use it now, and most people I know have no idea it's short. Since it's related enough, I've never bothered with an official change.

[Sarah]

I think changing the name when the child is that young (and if the child doesn't have older siblings who would notice and be confused) is fine.

What I don't recommend is what happened to my mother: My grandparents sat my mother down when she was about 10 years old and said they had decided they made a mistake naming her Ruth, and would it be ok with her if her name was "Kim" from now on? My mother was confused, but she was 10, so she agreed. Her legal name is still Ruth, but everyone has called her Kim for the last 50-odd years of her life. She's been at peace with it for a long time, but she still thinks it was weird of her parents to wait so long to change her name and that it was insensitive and kind of unfair of them to involve her in the "decision" when she was so young and impressionable that she would have done what they wanted whether she wanted to or not.

[Monica]

Yep, this was something that was very important to us as well. Once we knew we were having a girl, we wanted to give her a name which would reflect both of her cultures (Indian and Latino), as well as be easy for her grandparents to pronounces. And something that the Americans would be able to say as well. And something we liked.

It didn't take us as long as it did for me to type that last paragraph. :)

One of the only "naming" issues we had was that in Indian culture, the child's middle name is the father's first name, to show that the child "belongs" to him. Uh, no. NO ONE calls my husband by his first name, and I felt like there were other ways for us to honor his Indian fatherhood without declaring that he "owned" our daughter.

It all worked out. Although my MIL can occasionally get a little snide about it.

[L.]

When our baby (now 4 months old) was born, it took us a week to name him, and it would have taken longer except we didn't want to make it too hard to get his Social Security card. We had four names in mind. When he was born, I liked name 1. My husband thought the "character" of the name was such that the kid would get picked on. The name was unusual but not too weird, it was just something intangible. This totally depressed me because I felt like the name was "his" (the baby's) but I really didn't want him to be picked on! So we debated names 2, 3, 4 and sometimes 1 for a while. We even picked a name out of a hat at one point but weren't comfortable with settling on the selected name. Finally, on the morning that we *had* to choose, we'd narrowed it down to name 1 and name 2. We'd asked a lot of people and most of them liked name 2. I said, "Okay, that's it, I pick name 2." My mother was immensely relieved and said, "Oh, I really liked that one the best but didn't want to say anything." I was feeling terrible, though, and I also felt as if name 2 were the type of name that a bully might have--kind of the opposite of my husband's fears about name 1.

So a few hours later my husband told me, "Let's just go with name 1. If it's his name, that's what it has to be." We've been happy with it ever since. He tells me now that he's so glad we changed it, because it just feels right. It was a little awkward with my mother, but she got over it.

This is a really long-winded way of saying, ya gotta go with your gut. If you changed the name to one you like better or that "feels" more right for the baby, I think you did the right thing. Don't let people bug you about it. It's one of the first times that, as a parent, you have to stick up for what you think ... but it won't be the last!

I don't think the kid knows anything about any of this, or will really care, for the first six months or so. At age 10 (like a commenter above said), yeah, that might be a different story!

[shannon]

Nicole: Perhaps I'm making too much of this, but you sound very stressed out in your comment. If you're really feeling that awful you might want to consider if the name is really the issue for you. I strongly encourage you to reach out for any support you have available to help you take care of yourself and your beautiful little baby. Be kind to yourself, you absolutely can't ruin his life with a name, no matter what it is.

[Meegan]

I grew up hating - HATING - my name. Everyone called me "Megan" and my name is "Meegan" (like you and meeeeee). My parents changed the spelling from M-e-g-a-n to the current when I was 3. They claimed it was misspelled on my birth certificate but that was a lie. Now I really like my name because it's different. I used to BEG my parents to let me go by my middle name but they wouldn't do it. And I easily could have because we moved 9 times before I was 12 so no one would have been the wiser. I think you should go with the name you love. Your child will be fine.

[Jess]

Don't feel bad about changing the name-- I second those that say "go with your gut". My German grandmother just told me that she changed my aunt's name when she was six months old (my aunt is now over 40). At birth she gave her a hyphenated first name, Tina-Katrin (it sounds much better with a German pronounciation, trust me). She called her Tina. Then at six months she decided, this baby just doesn't look like a Tina, and switched to calling her Katrin. She said the neighbors thought the switcheroo was a little weird at first, but they got over it and Katrin ended up fitting my aunt perfectly.

My husband and I needed a name that could be prounounced in three very different languages (German, Turkish and English)... my husband and I love the name we chose (Emmet) but after all the work and worry we put into choosing a name everyone could pronounce and that we also found interesting, our families ended up being lukewarm. My husband's family ignores the baby's first name and just calls him by his Turkish middle name. Of course, my parents said, "Oh lord, you're not going to saddle him with a Turkish middle name are you!?" My father also recently suggested to my husband that he (my husband) change his name to an American name so that it would be easier for my Dad to prounounce. On top of all that, my Dad doesn't like Emmet and has started calling the baby "Emo". I'm thinking of teaching "Emo" to call his grandpa "Pops", "PawPaw" or perhaps just "Old Man".

But people like my father are few and far between (most people do have at least some tact and are more open minded). The important thing is that my son's name fits him according to the two people who know him best (his parents); and whether it's easier to pronounce or not, my husband would be unimaginable as a 'Bob' or 'Jim'. Go with what you feel is right, and it will be FINE. Even Atari 11 can go by "A.", "Leven", "Lev", "Alan" or, for that matter, "Joe" if he feels like it when he's older. (Though I do think that having parents that are either that high or trying that hard to be cool might be more of a disadvantage than the name itself!)

[Grubbs]

Dear Hubs and I are seriously thinking of changing our son's middle name (he's one). His current name is WAY too Irish and, part Mexican, he deserves to have something spicier in the middle. Any suggestions? Paco? Guillermo?

Aidan X? McGuire

[sweetisu]

I second someone above suggesting that it could be a deeper issue than the naming. Reach out to friends, families, and local community support for new moms. Being a new mom is very hard.

After being transplanted from China to the Midwest, I HATED having my Chinese name *spelled* out phonetically. Everyone butchered it very badly and all the kids at school made fun of it (I was 12. Kids are cruel at that age). I changed my name that is more "Western" as soon as I learned sufficient English and then later legalized it during naturalization. Now the only people who call me by my Chinese name are my parents and sibling.

I always find it funny when people say "American name." Many names are not confined to usage in America when in fact, people in Western countries use a lot of the same names. For instance, Thomas or John or Sophia or Sarah are not exclusively American. Therefore the term should be "Western names" IMO.

We named our kids western names, with western middle names, plus Chinese middle names as well. Hubby and I argued over and over because he didn't agree with needing 2 middle names. But I do not want my kids to go through the name-teasing and torture because of not having a western first/middle name. I'm extra sensitive and paranoid about that..

[Jess]

Hey, Grubbs, that's not bad...how about Aidan X. McGuire? As in:

Aidan Xavier McGuire

I also like Aidan Luis and Aidan Miguel. Or, instead of Spanish, you could look for an indigenous Mexican middle name... I know a Mexican/Argentinean couple that used a Quichua middle name for their kid. Good luck.

[Amber]

I thought it was interesting that the little boy that Angelina and Brad have most recently adopted got a name change along with a new (celebrity) family, new country to call home and a new language to learn. I think that that would be challenging.

[hedra]

How about Francisco? Then you could still use Paco as a nickname (IIRC, that's the typical nick for Francisco - or it is in my step-family, anyway!).

[Amy]

I love my own middle name, which is a family name with a really interesting and exciting history involving my great great aunt being stranded on an island in the south pacific .... anyway, I wanted to make sure I passed it on to my daughter, so we did.

However! Both my husband and I really loved the middle name "Kate," and it would be so lovely and rhythmic with her first name .... not to mention being the name of a kick-ass character on Lost. (-: I often think about how nice it would have sounded, and regret my sense of obligation to the family name a tiny bit.

Anyway - don't worry about the name change at 6 weeks. It's totally fine!

[michelle]

DS son is turning two soon and i still wish i would of chnges his name. i brought it up to DH before he turned 1 but DH told me not to. now that we are thinking we are onlyu going to have one kid i told him that i really want to change it and that i felt pressured into at the hospital and i hate his name. it sounds nice and all J...D... but i wanted to name him dewey calvin IV or calvin dewey after DH. so the other day the whole having more kids came up and told DH that i'm still upset about how the whole name thing went down and he told me, ok, go ahead adn hange it, we won't tell everyone what we did and just slowly make the switch adn wait for everyone to catch on.

[Niki]

This looks like it's probably mostly dead (how did I miss this topic? I usually check here daily!) but I've just got to jump in and share a few things.

My stepson has always been called by his middle name, which starts with the letter J (it's also a nickname for his dad's first name, and a rather ingenious way to end the Sr/Jr/III chain). At his new school, he decided he wanted to be called "Jay"; at his new aftercare, they called him by his legal first name. When we stepped in to correct them, our son explained that he wanted them to use that name. However, we were not allowed to use either of the school names. So, he goes by three different names in three different settings. I guess this supports what others are saying -- kids will do what they need to with their names.

Now looking at my own name, I'm so jealous of all the kids described here who have longer names which then lend themselves to many nicknames. My mother had a long first name, and in order to spare me her own pain (sigh -- the same reason I never got piano lessons), she gave me what she hoped would be the shortest possible version of my name. And really, very few people are inclined to shorten or alter "Niki" (my two favorites, from best friends, were "nickle" and "nikkolata," but they've only used these a handful of times over several decades, so I don't think they qualify as nicknames). Perhaps I just didn't have enough imagination to find a nickname that built on/played off of my own.

On the other hand, now that I am an adult I will have complete strangers insist on calling me Nicole, after I've introduced myself as Niki. (Or Vicky, or Micky -- that 'n' is a tricky sound.) As an adult I find myself less attached to what others call me (though this might just be self-defense, as people often hear "Mickey" or "Vicky," and often read the name as being like the shoes -- or the goddess -- "Nike").

One last story: my parents were not married when I was born. When they married I got a new birth certificate with my dad's last name (my mom's excuse for how I ended up with the odd first/last pairing, in fact). When I applied for my social security card as an adult, I had to get a certified copy of my birth certificate. Imagine my surprise when I received a notification saying "we have no record of birth for this person; would you like to apply for a death certificate?" Um, no? This was just a small snag, however.

I've enjoyed reading this thread. It's nice to know that names are more changeable than we sometimes assume.

To the original poster: Your child will *not* be harmed by a name change. Others around you might struggle, but only through stubbornness. Trust in yourself, and your child.

[juliag]

We changed our mind after DS was born. We waffled for two days in the hospital and eventually chose Graham over Witt. Until he was at least a year old I still wondered if we made the right choice. I really wished we had consider Sawyer more (a la Lost!), but I'm finally happy with Graham. People said it would feel "right" as soon as we named him, but it took me forever.

[Beth]

Just wanted to point out that I have a friend who named himself. Seriously. As did Olympic skiing champion Picabo Street. So both of them essentially went without names until a) they were old enough to talk, and b), to understand the concept of names (although I'm not sure the future ramifications were fully understood by the children at the time).

In a side note, my little girl's name was picked out long before we knew whether she was a she or not, and we told the delivering obstetrician this beautiful name that we had long before I even had a tummy. NOTHING from the hospital bore her name. No paperwork. No wristbands. Even the little card in her hospital bassinette had my name on it, not hers (something my mom got a giggle out of when she came to help out after dd was born--according to the hospital card, I really WAS born yesterday!). There was nothing with her name on it until we got her birth certificate--a month and a half later (a long and sordid tale in and of itself).

Somehow, I doubt dd will be traumatized. I also doubt Nicole's boy will be either. In fact, I'd be willing to wager that the major drama will come from all the eager friends, aunties, uncles, grammas, etc who've been dying to twiggle little Charlie's toes, only to find out that they're now Johnny's toes instead.

[music]

very interesting.
i'm adding in RSS Reader

[pretty baby names]

I don't think it is a good idea to change a child's name if they have gotten used to it. That's what makes a baby's name such and important decision, it will affect them for their whole life. Its best to get it right the first time.

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