Fahmi writes:
"I was wondering something. I think our almost-seventeen month old is hitting a Wonder-Week or some kind of a regression because he's been generally clingy and cranky lately. At your recommendation, we got the Wonder Weeks book and it was wonderful - but now that we've passed the year mark, we feel adrift, lost, confused.
From your experience, and with everyone else that comments on your site, what are some of the regressions, wonder-week like moments that we can look forward to after the first year? I've read about the 18 month one, and the hump from two to three years old. Any others?"
I know. It's awful not to know when the next spurt/regression is coming up. These are the things that I've observed. Please, everyone, confirm or deny my observations and add any of your own.
15 months: Kids who have previously not been sleeping through start to sleep through the night and/or go down more easily. This is useful because after 15 months of no sleep you're almost ready to hurl yourself off a bridge.
16 months: Just when your life was getting back on track, your toddler will start to get cranky and want to do everything him- or herself, but won't be able to. Constant whining and battles ensue. You reconsider the bridge plan.
18 months: Your little pumpkin starts waking up 2-5 times a night. Even kids who've been sleeping through (and not just that "sleeping through" that means five hours at a time) start waking up again. "What fresh hell is this?" you ask, but no one seems to know the answer. Breathe deeply and stay away from bridges.
20 months: Your child starts sleeping through the night again. as if nothing ever happened. You feel like you're being gaslighted, but are a little more rested. At least the nights are back in shape, because "pain in the ass" is a true understatement for the daytime.
21 months: Something strange clicks in your child's head and s/he seems to be more mature, competent, and calm overnight.
22 months: This child is a joy! I could eat those chubby cheeks and listen to that lisp all day long. Let's have another baby right! now!
That brings us mostly through the second year. Does anyone have anything to add?
Ack! I'm going through the 12-month "I want to walk" doozey right now! Hard to realize there are that many more hurdles ahead. I'd better start tethering while anywhere near a bridge!
Posted by: Diane | June 06, 2007 at 07:33 AM
Your mileage may vary, of course, but I found 21-22 months full of physical competence matched with constant frustration at not being able to verbally express BIG THOUGHTS. ("That's mine!" "I can do it myself!" Etc.)
I actually freaked out another mom on the playground recently by guessing that her daughter was 21 mos (she was 22 mos) because the mixture of physical skill and verbal inadequacy was very familiar. Even a year later I could see it.
Posted by: Kate | June 06, 2007 at 07:56 AM
For some reason all the mums in my playgroup have found that around 21 months it's hard to get our kids -to- sleep, although they sleep ok once they are asleep. Dunno if that's a good data point though. :)
Posted by: Shandra | June 06, 2007 at 08:37 AM
I'm going through this right now! Our girl will be 18 months in 2 more weeks and she has been a terror for the past week! She isn't eating her favorite foods anymore, she's throwing things, being extra clingy, hitting, pinching, crying and screaming for no apparant reason. AUUUUUGH!!! She is driving me crazy!!! Not to mention my poor mother and sister who help watch her while I work. HELP!
PS - As far as I can tell she is getting enough sleep and isn't sick.
Posted by: Reese | June 06, 2007 at 08:44 AM
You're giving me hope for my almost 20 month old son's sleep. Or lack thereof.
Posted by: Jill | June 06, 2007 at 08:46 AM
I keep thinking about your advice around the 18 months sleep regression that basically anything you try is only for the parents' benefit but the kids will pass through the phase at their own will. So true!
After sleeping 12 hours/night from the age of 7 weeks, sleep got miserable at 17.5 months! We got all detective-like trying various things like night lights and I can't even remember what else, but by 19 months he's back to sleeping through 5 nights out of 7.
Knowing it was just a phase we had to get through helped me stand my ground when people (like my mom, ahem) said things like if I sit in his room while he goes to sleep or go to him when he cries in the night I'll have to do it forever.
(Also! Your tension increaser/releaser post was really useful for me in convincing my husband that it was right to go to him.)
Anyway... glad to hear there's nothing but delight ahead of us for the next few months. ;-)
Posted by: Cat, Galloping | June 06, 2007 at 08:52 AM
oh, oops. ix-nay on the nothing but delight, as i just read the bit about "pain-in-the-ass" at 20 months. ah well, he's mostly with the nanny during the day anyway... ;-)
Posted by: Cat, Galloping | June 06, 2007 at 08:54 AM
Fantastic!! I love my Wonder Weeks book, so glad to have info for the months beyond what they cover.
Posted by: Kelly | June 06, 2007 at 09:18 AM
Our 19 m/o is in a MAJOR mommy phase - will ONLY have me, and acts as if Daddy is a horrible, dangerous man set on doing evil things to him. It's hurtful to my husband, and frustrating for me, b/c I dream of having 5 minutes to myself to go to the bathroom or take a shower without having to ask my toddler if it's okay with him. When is it going to end???? I read (and re-read) Moxie's breakdown until 2......but mostly that dealt with sleep. Which, btw, is not great - waking up like a rooster at 5:30 AM every day is not my idea of "sleeping through the night" (in addition to 4:30, or 3:00, or 2:00 shout-outs....)
I know the sleep will resolve itself....I am noticing he is in a huge growth spurt, can't get enough food in him, which is VERY unusual for him, so I am assuming that is also impacting his sleep rhythms. But when will the clingy, needy, whiny "No Daddy ONLY Mama" phase end? Or at least lessen? I keep telling myself that this is his half-year regression, but we're approaching 20 months, so we're going to lose that excuse very soon. Ideas? Help!
Posted by: Julie | June 06, 2007 at 11:54 AM
18 months saw a huge resurgence in clingy, whiny behavior for us. Also not sleeping at night. (With the first one, we had a new baby right around then, which no doubt contributed to both.)
Almost-3 has been particularly painful on the behavior front. Bratty, rude behavior (like shouting in my face and slamming doors) combined with a sudden disinterest in going to sleep. Which, of course, increases the bratty behavior because she's overtired.
I'm afraid once they get past about a year it gets harder to match up the development phases because they get spread further apart.
Julie, my daughter has always been Mommy only, no Daddy. It goes up and down in its voracity, but it's always that way. The only phrase spoken more often at my house than "I want MOMMY to do it" is "I want to do it MYSELF"
Posted by: Jan | June 06, 2007 at 02:01 PM
Huh. Now I'm convinced my son who was two weeks overdue is really about 2-3 months younger in overall development. He's almost 20 mos old and has been having a biotch of a time with sleep. Waking up every 2 hours!! I thought it was just a teething thing. And the whining! And the drama!
AND the past few days we're back to nursing an additional 2-3 times a night!--we were already down to 2 times a day in all.
Posted by: vickie | June 06, 2007 at 02:54 PM
This is probably its own letter, but my son is 12.5 months old and sleep has been a downhill slide since about 10 months (and was never very good before that). I thought it would improve when he started walking, but it hasn't. So there may be some one year stuff that isn't walking-related, but I have no idea what might cause it. Maybe my son just doesn't sleep well.
Posted by: Annika | June 06, 2007 at 03:01 PM
Great there are a lot of bridges near our house...
Posted by: cat | June 06, 2007 at 03:16 PM
Eighteen months was just awful! My previously great sleeper all of a sudden would scream when I put her down. She became super clingy and wanted Mom only, so I had zero time to myself. Also, lots of frustration at the inability to communicate. Luckily as Moxie suggested, everything started to get better around 21 months, and by 22 months my daughter was miles away from that clingy, grumpy 18 month old.
At just 2, she's fun, silly, affectionate, talking up a storm, much more independent, and sleeping well again. Definitely my favorite phase thus far. I figure it can't last though, so I'd love to get some Wonder-Weeks info on the 2 to 3 age range.
Posted by: Cynthia | June 06, 2007 at 04:08 PM
i'm with vickie, i thought by now (22.5 months) pnut would have caught up to her actual age (not adjusted) and be delightful but lord almighty i feel like we are going through that 20 month thing (what fresh hell is this phase) clingy as all heck? check. disinterest in most of what we own to entertain her? check. gigantor meltdowns during activities that normally bring her as much joy as she can handle? check. eating pretty crappily (no interest in usual faves but would eat goldfish crackers or pineapple all day long if i let her) check. huge physical development along with language explosion? check. chewing her fingers off of her hand BECAUSE SHE'S TEETHING!!! DUH!! it's like the third horseman of the apocalypse just showed up at our house. everyone keeps saying how much better two will be, and i am looking forward to that very much.
Posted by: pnuts mama | June 06, 2007 at 04:12 PM
p.s. pnut also has started the screaming when we put her down at night- we resorted after three nights of up for two extra hours of rocking/soothing/comforting in our bed to just letting her cry for a few minutes. i am so against that, it stresses me out so much, and it is just as hard with an almost 2 yr old as is was when she was tiny (maybe worse). last night she only cried for a minute, but i am so hopeful that this is just a phase! she's been a bit behind, so here's hoping that this is just a big delay back to the 18 month old horror...thank you moxie readers for assuring me we aren't in something irreversible that i caused by my own inadequacies. it has been heartbreaking and very frustrating.
Posted by: pnuts mama | June 06, 2007 at 04:19 PM
Starting at about 2 1/2 (I guess that's 30 months), I started noticing my daughter was much more assertive and argumentative. Lots of "You will not tell me, 'no!'" along with pointing a finger right in my face. Lots of limit testing. I found that it was helpful to try to explain why things were the way they were (in REALLY simple terms), and also to phrase "no" answers as "yes" answers. ("We can have cookies after dinner," when she wanted them for breakfast.)
Posted by: MommaOf2 | June 06, 2007 at 04:37 PM
I nearly laughed out loud when I read the "15 month" item about finally sleeping better. Our daughter just turned 15 months old and immediately began having sleep troubles. Once she gets to sleep at night she sleeps fine, but it can take up to an hour of meaningless crying and inability to wind down before she goes to sleep. She used to take two hour-long naps per day until we hit the 15 month mark, and now she will only take one nap per day, and that nap is 1/2 hr long, max, no matter what we do. I was about to write Moxie a letter asking if there was a 15-mo. sleep regression I should know about!!!
Posted by: Sarah | June 06, 2007 at 06:29 PM
thank you thank you thank you. our 17-month old has been taking forever to go down at night, and the past few nights has been waking for two/two-and-a-half hours in the middle of the night. oh, and she has *never* slept morer than 6 hours at a stretch. so, we are eagerly awaiting the 21st month. but this explains why she is so unpleasant lately :)
Posted by: erin | June 06, 2007 at 09:02 PM
Oh hell yeah. At 17 months, Al is more-or-less right on the money with this one. A little behind in the nighttime habits, and a little ahead in the daytime pain-in-the-ass department (and I type that with pure adoration and love, really I do). He slept through the night (not 5 hours--through the whole night) for the VERY FIRST TIME EVER on his 16-month birthday. And now you're telling me that he's going to start waking up again? Just when my body has grown accustomed to that delicious little thing called "sleep?" I'll just keep telling myself that 21-22 months is just around the corner. :)
Thanks for the heads up!
Posted by: Jezer | June 06, 2007 at 09:23 PM
I swear neither of my girls read the danged development books. There were no predictable spurts. The whole thing was totally random as far as I could make it out.
Posted by: enu | June 06, 2007 at 09:38 PM
Thanks for putting in months 20 and 22 at the end there because I'm still in the midst of wonder week 26, having recently survived the 4 month sleep regression and going into the 6 month growth spurt plus a return to work and some teething action and the bridge was looking awfully good from here.
Posted by: Lisa | June 06, 2007 at 10:14 PM
Slightly different schedule for us. Sleep was hell - hell - did I mention it was HELL? (and I don't use that word lightly) until 19 months, when we nightweaned. But I imagine if I'd nightweaned dd earlier, things might have gone as you describe. Ever since nightweaning she goes through phases where she sleeps through (which still fills me with unimaginable joy, every time it happens) approximately 50% of the time, and the other nights wakes once and is very easy to coax back to sleep. And then there are phases due to illness, teething, or unexplained causes (demon possession?), like the one we're going through right now, where she wakes constantly and begs for milk, wants to be rocked, is a general PITA. It's hard!
As for temperamental things, 15-17 months I remember as being a real joy. 18 months she got more verbal (all of a sudden, like she woke up one day and had words) and more "into things", so it was a bit harder. But we didn't have a lot of tantrums, and she had mostly a very sunny disposition, until right before she turned 2. She is almost 25 months and we are in a VERY cranky stage!! Lots of no, lots of back-arching tantrums, lots of "I want..." - very opinionated, very restless, extremely cute, but most of all very EXHAUSTING.
Posted by: Elizabeth | June 06, 2007 at 10:17 PM
Mine's 3 and a couple months. Totally agree about the Terrible 20s. Worst bedtimes ever.
I think there's another one just before 2 1/2 when kids just get ornery and snarly...and then one at almost 3 that's been well covered on this site when you get the "I DON"T WANT YOU" and the "DON'T SAY THAT!!! DON'T SAY ANYTHING!!" and that bridge starts to look like a great place for both of you. (To me, those seem to be when some capability/independence switch flips for the kid and they don't want to be helped as much, and it takes you a while to adjust.)
Right now going through the lovely phase of night training where she will go a week being dry through the night, then one where she alternates waking up with a bedwetting and VERY frustrated, or waking up needing to go but throwing a fit when taken to the bathroom. I realize this represents actual neurological progress over just finding a wet bed in the morning, but still. Good. Times.
Posted by: Charisse | June 07, 2007 at 12:07 AM
That last bit you said rings true for me. My daughter is still a couple of months away from 2 years old, but she's already so much more fun to be with that all of a sudden the idea of having baby number 2 is appealing rather than horrifying.
Posted by: Violet | June 07, 2007 at 02:40 AM
My observation was:
Fussy stages reliably at 17-18 months and somewhere between 20-22 months (some kids seem to vary when exactly this one lands).
After that, they keep coming, but they're not IMHO as dramatically noticable - maybe a slower transition in/out? However, they DO keep coming. And coming. And coming. I swear I saw the same exact behaviors (sleep disturbance, weird eating, irritability, neediness, emotional-clinging, fear of novelty, excessive touching, etc.) with my teenage younger brother. Like, until he was in his 20's. The phases were just less frequent.
After the 22 month stage, what I tell people is to assume that a) they know what a fussy stage looks like, and b) if it quacks like a duck, it's a duck (that is, does it MATTER if it is on a schedule at this point? Just watch it and say 'oh, right, fussy stage' and carry on from there). It is like 'the music tells you what to do' - just respond, be patient, recognize it isn't your fault, and that they can't control it, and then as you see openings to help guide them through the ending of it, start coaching and supporting that, and then they'll be all better for a while.
My dad swears that these stages occur over our entire life. He says he STILL has time periods when his life goes haywire and he'd just like to cuddle up in his mom's lap and have her make it all go away. He's just able to deal without that support. Good thing, since he's 75 and his mom has been dead for two decades...
Posted by: hedra | June 07, 2007 at 11:34 AM
thanks for this one. we are in the middle of it right now, and as someone else said, what fresh hell is this????
yesterday we had to WALK HOME FROM THE GROCERY STORE because she wouldn't get in the car seat. she was so upset, she threw up. we had to leave all the grocerie scause i could only carry her. i had to wal back later when dh came home.WTF????
the sleeping thing isn't so bad, once she is asleep, she stays asleep, but she doesn't go to sleep until 12-1 in the morning. which leaves very little non-baby time.
Posted by: rachel | June 07, 2007 at 11:30 PM
DS is 21 months. luckily he loves to sleep and only wakes up if he has an unexpected bowl movement. life was great until we got the 18 month molars and it seems like we are in a constant state of teething for the past month or so. he just screams all the time but only at me and only when i'm at home. the fun part of being mom, right. but unless he is hurt or scared or whatever i don't geive in to it and just hold him and repeat why that is a no to what you want. we also have started major tantrums that last until i distract him..j look at the ddog, puppy, etc. oh, we hav the fights withthe carseat when i put him in. sometimes i just let him explore the car safely since he fasinated with the drivers seat.after some explore time, he'll go sit in his seat or he has a tantrum and i force him into the seat so we can go home. if dh is home when i leave, i make him put him in the seat or if he won't sit in it for me, i don't bring him with me to the store if DH is home.
Posted by: michelle | June 08, 2007 at 04:48 AM
That's accurate, although it was a slightly different schedule for my son. Plus there was about two months before my son's second birthday that I can only describe as the terrible-twos preview, which seemed to be related to his language skills not yet caught up to his brain and body.
Posted by: Kara | June 08, 2007 at 02:15 PM
"What fresh hell is this?" you ask, but no one seems to know the answer. AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. Moxie you are a funny girl.
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Posted by: kequeloowly | July 21, 2008 at 11:28 PM
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So yeah, 18 months now, and I'm feeling an odd blend of guilty and lucky because I'm not dealing with any of this--though I realize that it's probably all waiting for me just around the corner...We had a rough spot regarding bedtime through month 17, but I was in a play and had to leave every evening right before bedtime, so I missed most of it (again, I'm sure Karma has something good in store for me).
I get tantrums, but nothing on the scale of what I read here. If it helps, keeping the mantra "choose your battles" firmly in mind helps immensely. There are several things that she gets a hold of in the course of the day that would freak out many a CPS agent, but I keep a close eye on her and take it when interest is waning rather than right when she picks it up, and it's just not an issue (anything that's really dangerous is met with "Oh, LOOK! Is that a dog/cat/squirrel/ringtailed lemur outside?", though I do try to keep such objects out of reach. Really I do.). Car seat issues were resolved with a bag of Goldfish snacks that stay in the car for that purpose only--at the first sign of a fuss during buckling, I ask her if she wants a goldfish, and the crabbies turn instantaneously into adorable pleas for 'fiss? fiss? fiss? peeeees??'
I know, I know, nothing we do makes the stage pass quicker, but taking the edge out of the battles of wills when possible has helped me immensely, anyway.
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Posted by: Andera Apling | February 05, 2013 at 10:41 AM
Kalkulator jest nietrudny - rodzicielce do dyspozycji na to samo dwaj suwaki: mozemy ustawic kwote pozyczki tudziez kwote stawki, oraz u dolu zauwazymy, jaka bedziemy oplacac rate, na pewno schematyczna (jest dozwolone oprocz naznaczyc alternatywe z zabezpieczeniem).
„Modus gospodarczy” + ponowna utwor
W rezultacie tego typu pozyczka pozabankowy spelnia predyspozycja regulacji antylichwiarskiej, atoli w rzeczywistosci kosztuje nas np. 300% w podzialce roku.
Niestety, wszystko ma swoja cene, i jak opowiadamy o pozyczkach pozabankowych to istnieje niewiasta wystarczajaco nie nielicha.
Przeciez… jednakowoz w komplecie wolno w tej okolicy powiadac o niejakim modusie?
http://xactgroup.co.za/?q=node/329948
http://www.atozgate.com/canadian-centered-payday-advances-net-intended-canadian-and-even-u-s.html
Posted by: Deledruro | February 05, 2013 at 02:33 PM