QA: Gifts for new parents?

Too much stuff to do + sick kids = short post today.

Rachel writes:

"If you were my friends who just had a baby this weekend, what kind of present for them as people (not just parents) would you want?"

I'd want Netflix, a few six-packs of beer (Guinness in particular), or a gift certificate for massages.

Or else a homemade gift certificate for a certain numbre of hours of babysitting from you.

What else?

(Better post tomorrow.)

Comments

[Pamela]

Food. Maybe a gift certificate for a place that has good carryout, or a meal that can be frozen and used later. What a nice friend you are!

[sue]

I'd want you to come do my laundry, dishes, or clean my bathroom. Food is always good, too. Or babysit any older children in the house.

[Sarah]

A magazine subscription: something good like National Geographic. They may not have time, energy to read books for a while but you can usually excercise your brain quickly with a good article.

[Kelly]

Ohh, we *so* wanted the Netflix when the baby was really little. That one's gold. Food - either meals or just lots and lots of healthy'ish snacks is great. A digital camera if you really want to splurge.

[Charisse]

A SwaddleMe, the Happiest Baby on the Block video, and some yummy comfort food w/o too many onions.

[lynn]

Food. Not necessarily right away, but in a few weeks or a month, after the family visits have subsided and it's just parents and baby, when cooking seems overwhelming and new moms (especially breastfeeding moms) are really hungry but have no energy to cook. When some friends of ours had twins (and they already had a 2yo), a group of their friends organized a dinner brigade, and for the next few months, someone would bring over a dinner ready to heat up and eat at least once a week. It was awesome.

[Laura]

Starbucks gift card too, on top of what everyone else said. The massage is a good idea, but I couldn't lay on my back for at least six months because of the milk. I had a gift certificate, but I couldn't use it for a long time.

[Debbie]

I wanted to ditto the food, especially something they can throw in the freezer. We didn't have to cook at all that first month and it was such a lifesaver. I love the idea of Netflix but would love to know how others find the time to sit and watch a whole movie. Lol! If you want to splurge, I would maybe offer a maid service or lawn service (depending on where you live). I have managed (barely) to keep up the laundry and some cleaning but our yard looks like crap.

[Blythe]

Ditto Netflix, or even loan them DVDs that you own. Particularly entire seasons of TV series they haven't yet seen - great entertainment during nursing.

If you are organizing a group gift, hire a personal chef to deliver meals to their family a few days a week. Each gift-giver can purchase a meal, and it's not as expensive as you might think (I think it was $25 per meal for family of 4). Some organized soul did this for a friend of mine - she sent out an e-vite to a big group of people, and we could contribute the cash via PayPal. The family was able to order the meals they wanted, so food preferences/allergies were taken into consideration and everyone was happy.

I also loved it when friends would call (maybe a day or so in advance) and arrange a time to come over, bring me my favorite Starbucks beverage, and either chat while I nursed or watch the baby for an hour while I napped.

[Mary]

Food, food and more food. Casseroles, quiches, three course meals. Frozen or fresh. Salads, pies, anything. ANYTHING EDIBLE. Oh, and would you pick up a carton of milk while you're at it?

[Juggling Frogs]

Mylocon droplets. Giving these not only saves them some cash (those bottles aren't cheap), but it gives the new parents tacit permission to use them.

[Maya]

We had people give us tons of gift certificates for food. It has been wonderful and four months later when we're not in the mood to cook, even to pull something out of the freezer, we can just go and grab carry out. Giving them something to use for a date night out while you babysit is a great too.

[Reese]

Gift cards to favorite restaurants, movie theaters (with you providing free babysitting), and home-made meals that can be frozen (casseroles, lasagne).

[Sally]

I'd want someone to upgrade my cable TV to include a DVR or a Tivo. Being able to pause live TV when the baby cries great. It might take three hours to watch a single one-hour TV show after "bedtime" because the baby is most resoulutely not sleeping soundly, but with a DVR or Tivo, you don't have to miss a thing. We don't ever watch live TV any more. We just set our DVR to automatically tape our favorite shows and then watch them whenever both the three year old and the baby are sleeping. Very useful.

[Ally]

Food was my first thought, especially if mom is bfing. I would have starved if my wonderful husband hadn't prepared finger food for me to munch on all day.

So, food for the freezer to be cooked/heated up later, or gift cards to carryout places. Or take over some prepared meals from those places where you can purchases meals to be heated or frozen. A friend of mine did that for me and while it's not something I'd personally go for on a regular basis (they seem to be high in sodium, usually), it was perfect a week after we came home.

[S]

Tivo (or other DVR service), a reliable bi-monthly house cleaning service, or an Ergo baby carrier.

[Megan]

What most new parents want is sleep. That is what makes makes new parents feel like like people. Things that may help with that effort are: Miracle Blanket, blackout shades or curtains, a baby-calm cd that plays white noise, a few nap "certificates" that mean that you'll come over for a bit so that he/she can take a good nap. When all else fails, because we all know sleep is pretty hard to predict, CAFFIENE! I recommend Tab Energy. Although for the breast-feeding mum, maybe a nice snack. I always felt better when I wasn't hungry!

[Jan]

Offer to take care of their baby announcements for them. Not a vague offer like, "I'd love to do that for you, if you'd like help." If you live close, take a picture when you go to visit (if you're not visiting, ask permission to take one of the 86 bajillion they've taken) and ask them to send you (or give you permission to get) their Christmas card list or whatever list of folks they'd like to notify.

You can have announcements printed at Costco, or do them by hand with itty bitty pieces of ribbon from the craft store and calligraphy or whatever, but take care of it for them.

If you live close, ask if, in about 3 weeks, you can come hold the baby or take it for a walk so at-home caregiver (the other will likely have gone back to work by then) can have a nap. Make an appointment.

Make a casserole or three, bring it over and leave it in their freezer.

A gift basket filled with high-protein, healthy snacks was one of my favorites. An aunt brought me string cheese, some apple-carrot muffins and nuts. Throw in a couple of protein bars and bottled water and I wouldn't have needed to get out of bed at all!

[Florabora]

Another free "gift" - offer to walk the dog/play with the cats/clean the fishtank, etc. The few times someone offered to walk our dog we nearly cried with happiness. Offer to do laundry/empty or load the dishwasher. Little things like that mean so much (I know because we had no one around to help us out with that stuff...)

[Becca]

I agree with the Netflix and beer. Ummm we had a baby seven months ago, you wanna come over? Food was also good--premade salads from a deli and special breads were my favorites.

[alecia]

Ditto on the food. Also, yardwork (lawn mowing, weed pulling, plant watering, etc.) if they have a yard.

Offers of housecleaning (unless it's a maid service gift card) or laundry sound great but personally I'm much too much of a control freak to actually want a friend in my house doing that stuff. Plus, it might make for a long visit and I'd feel obligated to shower and stay awake for it.

Gift cards for restaurants, coffee, etc. are a great idea because they could use them down the road and wouldn't have to worry about food going bad in the freezer (or being a picky eater).

We just brought dinner to friends with a new baby and it worked out great. We shared a quick, easy meal that we provided, saw the baby, and left them something for lunch the next day. Plus, we brought cake. Chocolate cake. Chocolate flourless cake. Awesome!

[Nell]

The best gift we got (and one of the few I remember) was from a colleague of my husband. She called up one day about a week after the baby was born to tell us she was bringing dinner, and arrived with bags from Whole Foods. She brought a rotisserie chicken, a few sides, a baguette and nice cheese, and a box of chocolates. It was wonderful.

[Christine]

My sister and husband just brought home their baby from Korea. I live 2000 miles away, so I can't pop over there to help out, but we sent them gift certificates for local, easy, take-out places within a couple of blocks from their home that we know they like. I'm all for food. They already have Netflix, but that's a great suggestion. I would have loved it.

[Summer]

While I definitely agree about every other suggestion made (food!), I'll offer a few items that aren't Baby Products but definitely made my life easier as a new mom. A lovely friend gave me what she called "the best breastfeeding water bottle in the world," the Rubbermaid Cool Contours bottle (http://tinyurl.com/35dn5y), and after using it for a while I agreed so heartily that I've since given out several of these as baby gifts. The bottle is great because you can open and close it with one hand, and when it's closed it does not leak when tipped over... and the mouth is wide enough to add ice to the bottle. I like my water cold.

Stain Stick by Spray n' Wash was... well, not quite a life saver, but a clothes saver. Best poop-stain remover I tried.

If you really wanted to do something nice for the new mom, make a hairstyling appointment for her for a month or two from now. On that date, go with her to the salon, and walk the baby around in the stroller for an hour or so while New Mom gets pampered. I don't know a single woman who wasn't desperate for a hair cut at two months postpartum.

And keep inviting your friends to parties. The friends who kept inviting us to come to parties, go out for dinner, etc. are the friends we kept. Sure, sometimes we had to decline, but after the first few weeks we found that the baby was very portable, and being able to keep up with some sort of social life was key to maintaining sanity.

[Jennifer]

Before we had our first human child, we had a dog baby. Poor Scout really got shorted when DD came along--especially in the first couple of months. One of the nicest things some of our dog-people friends did for us (well, really for Scout) was take her on long walks, to the park, etc. Made her happy and us feel less guilty!

And food, food is the very best gift. A couple of people brought the entire meal--entree, salad, bread, and sweet treats, plus wine. Can't beat the food.

[Amy]

Take the Older Kid Out of the House for a couple of hours! Please! Then hold the baby and let Mommy sleep!! Then clean one thing (dishes or laundry or the bathroom or vaccuum), and leave food on your way out.

[Rhonda]

Your time!
When we first brought our twins home, we didn't have time to clean the house, let alone watch a movie. Eating a meal and taking a shower were rare luxuries. Netflix would have been a waste as would gift certificates if it meant we had to pick up the food ourselves. We adored anyone who would come rock babies so we could eat, shower or sleep, especially if they brought food with them or were willing to take the night shift. A dear friend payed for a mother's helper for two weeks and we will remain forever greatful.

[heather]

Definitely food. The afternoon I got home from the hospital my parents brought dinner over for us: meat pie, veggies, baked potato, dessert, and lots of fruit juice. I was so happy to have 'real' food (after 4 days of hospital yuckiness) that I nearly cried. About a week later a friend came to visit and brought a bag of fresh fruit. I had tons of stuff in the freezer so the fresh grapes, oranges, apples, and kiwis was awesome.

[SarcastiCarrie]

After you bring the food, do the dishes. Nothing ticked me off more than people coming to visit (i.e. hold the baby), bringing dinner (which was nice), but leaving me with a sink full of dishes. Bring paper plates and plastic forks if you want, just please don't leave me with dishes.

Oh and please take out the garbage too if dinner came in big styrofoam containers.

[Sonia]

I second the food recommendations, with 1 modification: give gift certificates to places that will deliver, like pizza or Chinese food, as opposed to carry-out places - sometimes you're just desperate to have the food come to you. Many areas also have local delivery services that will pick up food from different restaurants, so the family can get whatever they're in the mood for that night. If you're taking food over, find out what time is truly best - I had friends who brought meals over at 8 or 9 pm and would stay till 10 pm, but by then I could barely keep my eyes open.

Offer to run errands or assist with them: returning library books, walking the dog, putting gas in the car or taking it to get safety/emissions inspections, picking up prescriptions, going with the new mom to her medical appts. and taking care of the baby in the waiting room (or staying home with the baby). I remember how exhausting it felt trying to get to the Dr. on time and then feeling petrified that the baby would start bawling while I was being examined!

[Fahmi]

The best things we received when the baby was born:

A call saying, "send me your grocery list." and then showing up an hour later with all the groceries, putting them away, and then my discovering treats (cookies, cake, etc) along with the groceries.

As people already suggested - food that is already to be eaten - cooking wasn't something we really wanted to deal with.

A friend coming by in the middle of the week during the day when everyone is at work. I was overwhelmed with visitors on weekends and lonely during the day.

The best gift? A friend coming by and sweeping/mopping the kitchen floor and cleaning the bathroom.

We were kind of short on the movies, so we watched a lot of late-night TV back when the baby wouldn't sleep, so netflix sounds great.

Basically, anything that makes their lives easier is a great gift.

[Amy]

my baby will be 4 weeks on wednesday... thus typing with one hand... and i'd give anything if someone would "give" me a week in which they'd come over for an hour everyday and hold him so i could shower without listening to him cry in the bouncy seat and get other stuff done i can't do with him in a sling. waiting until hubby gets home each night just isn't cutting it.

but food is always good too.

[lydia]

Netflix is awesome in those first few months. You can get old favorite sitcom episodes...just the right length for the middle of the night feedings.

[Reese]

OOOOH! Buy me a cleaning service! Seriously - a trusted cleaning service to come once a month for the baby's first year. I would have humped anyone who bought me that... *drools at the mere thought*

[Kait]

Cleaning service and Netflix would probably top my list. Also: food that is ready to be eaten, or heat-n-eat type stuff.

There are lots of good ideas here, and I hope that your friend really appreciates your thoughtfulness!

[Lisa]

Like a broken record, I was going to suggest food too, until I read Summer's haircut suggestion complete with someone to come along and tend to the bambino during the pampering. I desparately need a haircut and my son's 6 months old!

[Beth]

More size AA and D batteries than you ever think a person could use in their lifetime. A giant Costco-sized brick of batteries.

[Julia]

Since everyone else has already said food, I'll agree with the batteries suggestion (get some C-cells, too, because THOSE are the strange ones). But, my dad gave me something that has been AWESOME so many times -- small screwdrivers, just the right size for the screws on toys. And the tools themselves are small, just four inches or so. I keep them in my son's room, so when I need to change a battery, there they are!

[BrooklynGirl]

My parents just paid for one month of babysitting for our toddler. Best. Gift. Ever.

[Julian]

TIVO and NESPRESSO. Has the Nestle boycott ended yet? I almost don't want to know, because our Nespresso machine makes us so happy. Elaborations on my site.

[Stacie (The Twinkies)]

Food. Easy snack food that doesn't need any work. An offer to watch the baby and let the mother take a nap. Slip in a few accolades about what a great job she is doing. Show her how to use a sling, if you know. Really hang out and make sure it's easy for her.

[kim]

I was so grateful to have a wonderful friend accompany me to some appointments and errands after our wee one arrived. My husband got two weeks paternity leave and we did manage to get out of the house once or twice with her but after he returned to work I was panic stricken to venture out with the babe alone. I was however a little stir crazy and did want to get out of the house. To have a friend go for a walk with or go get groceries with....that was great. So my recommendation is your time...

[Melis]

I second the daytime visitor-I only had 3 during my entire maternity leave and all that time alone with the wee one left me teary and hating myself. Spending time with someone, even someone I wasn't close with but who was also a mom, was a huge help.

Diapers!! We had stocked up, but in those hours when you think you have another pack and you don't and it's too damn far to drive to get a decent sized pack for less than the rent, you can never have too many.

[Joanne]

Books about baby: sleeping or breastfeeding. Cloth diaper service. Let us know what you get;)

[Julie]

The food is nice......but to add to that:
-a gift certificate for some great comfy clothes....matching cute sweatsuits or something. I think the first year of my son's life all the pictures of me with him I'm wearing my flannel plaid pj's. Nice. Even though I managed to shower EVERY DAY....one would not know this from the pictures. Title IX (www.titlenine.com) is a great place for some cute and comfy sweats. She can sleep in them, and when the cameras come out it doesn't look so much like she fell out of bed. Even if she did. And online shopping is easy for a nursing mom to do - she can do it in the middle of the night. You can tell her you'll pay for 24 hour shipping, so just order away and her cute loafing clothes will arrive on her doorstep in a day.
-a small reading light to keep in the baby's room. Useful for so many things - finding that pacifier under the crib, measuring out medicine in the middle of the night....
-white noise machine. Radio Shack in the states sells a great one. Tons of different noises - wind, ocean, rain, static...and many more you don't need, but now that he's 19 months he LOVES pressing the buttons to make the different noises. They're only about $30. Buy a few of them. Things happen.
-Time, time time....but on her terms. Tell her you want to give her the gift of time - and ask her a few weeks into things what she envisions that might look like. The suggestions above sound great. Give her a menu and let her choose what works for her.

[pnuts mama]

the only thing i would add to the food recs would be food that *isn't* for dinner- food that can be eaten for breakfast: whole wheat etc. bagels (cut the whole dozen in 1/2 and in big ziplocks in the freezer) with lots of cream cheeses, good, healthy muffins (also can be frozen), good breads, sandwich stuff, good juices, water, milk, cereals, cut up fruit salad, cut up veggies with dip, whole wheat crackers, cheeses, hummus, basically the stuff that new mamas need to get through the day and keep up her energy.

i also think that the gift of support is something i needed desperately when i was in baby bootcamp. none of my friends with kids or women in my family were honest in a validating/ comradery way of just how very difficult it is those first few weeks and months. instead of asking "is the baby sleeping through the night?" (or some other question that immediately puts the mom on the defense or makes her question her choices/parenting skills) it would be great to hear: "it was awful those 1st few months with our baby! she cried constantly!" (or, "my niece was the worst sleeper! there is a reason why sleep deprivation is considered torture!" and offer your experiences as support, not judgement/comparison. that's what new moms need, to know that just about everything is normal, that they are doing a great job, and that the job they are doing is quite possibly the most difficult thing they've had to do thus far. support and validation. and bagels.

[rebecca]

the first month was sooooo hard for me. egads. for me it would be stopping by to vacuum or an hour off. having said that, i haven't been away from DS for more than an hour since he was born. and that has happened twice (he's 13 weeks) and i don't really want to be away from him. i just want someone to hold him while i do laundry, or clean, or whatever. even better, hold him, talk to me, and let me knit for half an hour.

if there was a way to hire a consulting nurse for an hour that would be cool too (for first child in the first weeks) so the nurse could show me how to use a snot ball (aspirator) safely, and assure me that i wasn't going to kill my child by doing some basic thing that i didn't know how to do on a tiny person. the snot ball is what comes to mind, but hands on (ha) rectal temp taking would be handy.

frozen casseroles.

in home massage with babysitting would be great. like i said, i never really want to be too far away from the kid, but i still love me a good massage. (i did get a spa gift cert for mother's day, but i have to pump etc enough to be gone for that).

and someone to tell DH to write down nice things so that when the hormones kick in and i get all wacky, i can look at something in writing that says nice things about me from someone in the same trench (he's a lovely man and a great dad, his brain just goes south now and again).

[amy]

Like we need one more food suggestion, but if someone would have brought me a deli tray of fresh veggies all cut up and prepared or one of fruit, I know I would have eaten better in those early days, and we know eating poorly can really mess with you when you're already short on sleep.

If she has a garden, you might also offer to weed or water a bit. Looking out the window and seeing what a mess things are is one more kick in the pants when you're strapped to a new baby.

I love the idea of helping with the birth announcements, too!

[Marie]

Sorry I'm posting so late. I don't think I've seen this suggestion yet. I think a new father would appreciate something just for him, and a masculine diaper bag might be appreciated. There are some really cool ones out there now. On a similar note, a few companies make baby slings with neutral or masculine fabrics.

Our first daughter was born two weeks before her due date, and we were not quite prepared. One friend made a huge grocery run for us that kept our kitchen stocked for two weeks (I gave her a list.) Another friend came and fixed our doorbell, which had inconveniently stopped working right around the same time. He was thrilled to be able to do this, especially because he was an older single man who didn't really feel like he could change a diaper or do other baby type things.

[Ladre]

This maybe be totally unhelpful, but I know that in those first few weeks when I most needed help I often found myself declining offers of help/food/etc for no good reason. So, while I'm not suggesting barging in or forcing anything, please be gently pesistent if you think your friends are just declining because they don't want to appear needy or whatever.

What would have helped me most is someone picking up some groceries, throwing in some laundry, sweeping floors, cleaning counters, etc. Nothing huge, but just little things.

Now I know better and when #2 arrives *knock wood* in a few months, I will very gratefully accept offers of help!