My Q, Your A: business trip tips

So I'm going on a business trip for a few days next week. (I've set posts to autopost, so assuming technology works and I didn't misschedule them, you should have a new post every day, even while I'm someplace else.) Some of you may recall that my first three days of work were a business trip. That was a little strange. But now I've been at my company long enough to actually know what I'm doing, so I'm thinking this might be a good time to share ideas about being a parent who travels occasionally on business.

My only tip (and I learned this from my mom, who figured it out when my dad was travelling on business when I was a kid) was to try to call in the morning to talk to your kids, so that they get that early-morning contact to start their day off. I'm planning on calling in the morning for them and in the evening for me ('cause I know that's when I miss them the most).

What else do you have? Tips on dealing with missing your kids and staying in contact with them? Tips for the actual travel? Best wheelie suitcases? Where you can find a bottle of volumizing mousse for straight hair that's 3 ounces or less?

(And I'd tell you where I'm going, but I have to socialize with the other people on my trip every night so I wouldn't have time to see anyone anyway or go to the places you'd recommend.)

Comments

[Becca]

The only business trip I've been on since my baby was born was when he was 6 months old. He came with me and my dad came along to watch him while I was in meetings. The best trick I learned was to freeze expressed milk in bottles then put them in my checked bag in a lunchbox with a freezer pack. Of course on the way home that didn't work because I had the most horrific series of delays, cancelled flights, and reroutes imaginable, but it got the milk up there and that's what we really needed.

[hedra]

Avoid the use of the word 'soon' regarding when you'll be home (for phone calls and care providers especially). For kids, that's measured in seconds (or less!), so they then cycle through expectation and disappointment repeatedly, which messes with their behavior (talking kids over 1 1/2 or so). Be very concrete about exactly when you will be back - mark a calendar for them to check off, or name the day and help them count down in some other concrete way (a series of blocks for the days you'll be away, they get to take one away each morning, etc.). Save 'soon' for 'I see her waking up to the building' or 'car is in the driveway'.

Pre-test your method of contact/reminder before you go. We thought that a home movie of us might be a nice reminder when both DH and I were away. Serious big no, there - G freaked out and started looking for us everywhere. Too 'real' for him. Another child, might be a great plan. Test it with babysitting sometime to see what seems to work. (Even phone calls can be more distressing than helpful for some kids - though ditto on calling in the morning, in part because they're not tired, cranky, and in poor coping mode already.)

Calling after bedtime to talk about how the day went with the 'care provider du jour' (mainly my mom or DH) was helpful for ME - kind of like peeking in on them while they sleep, made it easier for me to go to sleep while missing them.

Have a good trip!

[Lily]

I'm not a mom, but I do travel constantly for work - finally a post I can weigh in on!

a) Pack a couple extra shirts - after being "on" for 8 ours, a change of clothes is priceless

b) Find a little quiet time every day - to gym, to watch one Golden Girls rerun, whatever. Otherwise, you rapidly feel like you're working 24x7 (socializing with work people is not as relaxing as you'd hope)

c) Do limit yourself to a carry-on. The baggage carosel is not your friend.

d) Try not to compromise your diet. I try to eat healthy foods at home, but found I was eating garbage on the road, and it made me sluggish and unhappy. Pay for the overpriced salad - you can expense it.

e) Take it all in stride. I learned fast that travel is always fraught with hiccups and surprises. Expect to be surprised and don't worry too much about it. With a credit card, a drivers license, and your mind intact, almost anything can be fixed.

Safe Travels, Moxie!

[Lily]

I'm not a mom, but I do travel constantly for work - finally a post I can weigh in on!

a) Pack a couple extra shirts - after being "on" for 8 ours, a change of clothes is priceless

b) Find a little quiet time every day - to gym, to watch one Golden Girls rerun, whatever. Otherwise, you rapidly feel like you're working 24x7 (socializing with work people is not as relaxing as you'd hope)

c) Do limit yourself to a carry-on. The baggage carosel is not your friend.

d) Try not to compromise your diet. I try to eat healthy foods at home, but found I was eating garbage on the road, and it made me sluggish and unhappy. Pay for the overpriced salad - you can expense it.

e) Take it all in stride. I learned fast that travel is always fraught with hiccups and surprises. Expect to be surprised and don't worry too much about it. With a credit card, a drivers license, and your mind intact, almost anything can be fixed.

Safe Travels, Moxie!

[cagey]

I don't have any advice for the kiddos yet - we are JUST beginning to deal with that. My 20 month old definitely notices that my husband is gone now - he points to all the doors saying "Daddy" and carries his picture around. Fortunately, he's not upset - this has been going on since he was born, so I think he is used to the fact that daddy pops in and out.

Suitcases? Samsonite, hands down. Not only is my husband a hard-core business traveler, but I was too. We got our bags at www.ebags.com and STILL use them.

[Ally]

I made a chart for Jamie when I went on a trip earlier this month and it really worked. It was a series of blocks with an airplane on the departure and arrival days, and a little clip art image on each day in between that was representative of what he might be doing that day - one for daycare, and then play images for the weekend. Then I printed a couple of random pictures of Las Vegas from flickr and glued them to the chart so that he could visualize where I was. He colored each day at bedtime and put some stickers from daycare on the chart as well so he could tell me about why he got them when I got home - cleaning up, that type of thing. It worked really well, and we talked in the morning and at dinnertime also.

As far as missing him, I had pictures and video loaded on my laptop but mostly I just reminded myself that it's healthy to get some time away on occasion and focused mostly on the things I was doing. No matter how long I'm gone it's the last day or two that are really bad and I just have to gut it out and look forward to our reunion.

I have crappy cheap suitcases that are more suited for road trips than dragging through the airport so all I can tell you is test them to see if they stand up on their own when loaded - take a heavy bag or something to put inside - and how well they stay on course when being dragged behind you at a fast walk.

[Ally]

Oh, and for bags, my coworker has a smallish rolling duffle that I want to buy for my carryon. It's a lot easier to switch back and forth from rolling/carrying that the standard suitcase, IMO.

[Sarah]

At this point, it helps my husband more than our 8-year-old, but he does a lot of international travel, which means both longer-than-normal periods away, and also being stuck in places where phone contact is tough.

We have a Skype video call at some point in the day, depending on what time zone he is in. He bought a small video camera that stays in his laptop bag. The baby only just recently started to recognize her dad on the computer screen, but we think it'll get better over time.

[Serena]

I love my rolling suitcase from the Rick Steves' website - really light, holds a lot, and can be checked or used as carry on.
Have a good trip!

[sdh]

If you're going to check bags, do not get a black suitcase. Or if you do, jazz it up with some puffy paint or something, so you can tell which of the hundreds of black suitcases is yours.
I got a great bright orange wheelie suitcase from Lands' End and it has a matching smaller bag that fits on top. It's great, and I always spot it coming down the carousel. It gets a little dirty and the orange shows some black marks after each trip, but it washes off pretty easily with a sponge and some soapy water. Then my husband makes fun of me for washing it because "it's just going to get dirty again next time you use it."

[kelbelfel]

I travel about 8 - 10 times a year - three of those trips every year are overseas and involve a week to 10 days away.

I draw a special picture/note for my 28-month-old daughter - one for each day I am gone. Use lots of colors, stickers, etc. and tell her how much I miss her. She gets to open one "letter" each day I am gone - and the last one is something about me coming home that day. I've drawn pictures of me waving from the plane as it's coming home, etc. It seems to help a lot.

I like my red swiss army wheelaboard. Lots of the road warriors I work with swear by the Travelpro - the brand the flight crew typically uses, I think.

Avoid checking baggage at all costs. With the liquid ban it's a pain but it's worth it.

If you must check a bag, bring a complete change of clothes in your carryon. The one time I forgot to do this, I found myself stuck in Athens Greece without any clothes for 72+ hours and it totally SUCKED. I spent an entire day shopping and ended up with two absolutely dreadful outfits that fit.

Go to the gym, watch your diet, and HAVE SOME FUN whenever possible. Bring a great book and stay in your room one night with room service and fabulous bedding.

[Jill]

Ditto Sarah on the Skype/webcam combo. Or SightSpeed, both work great. That has been very helpful for my 6 year old when I've had to travel. It helped to keep the consistency that Mom is around to help with homework, talk about the day, etc. She would actually hold up her work for me to see on the camera.

And it helped her to actually see my hotel rooms in the background, and interact with me visually.

Of course, it was a bit confusing to my son the last time I traveled. He was about 17 months old then, and kept going over to the computer armoire saying "Mama?" at random times during the day.

[Helena]

Such good timing! I just came back from my last (for a while) business trip, my last day at this job is next Friday. My daughter is 16 months, I've been traveling since I went back to work at 10 weeks. During the first 15 months or so, she and DH came on each trip (they were to fun places, DH was SAHDing).

She doesn't like to talk on the phone, so I would check in with my DH in the am and after she went to sleep. On this last trip, I pumped once (on the second day)- then didn't have to again, yay.

I babysat my niece (was about 32 months at the time) for five days while my sister was in Europe. It went so smoothly for us (my sister not so much)- no crying, tantrums, etc. Talking on the phone to my sister was the most distressing part of the day- schedule that in the am and consider foregoing the pm chat (depending on how they respond, of course). Kids are resilient, and while they're little (and with LOD most of the time, as is their routine)- remember that you are suffering way more than they are. Which is a testament to your good parenting, not meanness on my part!

As for you- ditto the schedule (fiercely if you have to) a little private time advice, even 30-60 mins. Don't linger unnecessarily over drinks if you can help it. Make sure to drink lots of water, and yes it's nearly impossible to watch your diet without a ton of effort and attention. Bring healthy snacks if you can (almonds, apples, etc.).

Remember a strong hairdryer if you need it-- the hotel ones are wimpy. Get extra pillows (from room service) for fun. Remember all you toiletries- tiny tube of toothpaste, etc. But, some nicer hotels will give you freebies of the basics if you forget.

I found that it's much nicer to have alone time now (I appreciate it more anyway), and the lead up to the trip is the worst. Once I'm happily settled on the train/plane with a diet coke and a new yorker-- mmmmmmm, it's nice to be alone and not working or doing laundry/cooking/wrangling.

Good luck! If you hate travel, you'll move on to another job if it's right for you and the kids will never remember that you went on any trips with this job (my mantra, which I made come true for myself!).

[Hilary]

When my daughter was little, I'd buy or make little cards for her to open each day I was away, either bedtime or in the morning (if the time zone allowed for a morning phone call, the card would get opened at bedtime, and vice versa). If I was feeling especially guilty about being absent -hah- there would be small gifts to open each day, too, like a book, a chocolate dessert or stuffed toy to snuggle with.

The card would tell her I loved her and couldn't wait to give her hugs - and most importantly, it included a countdown of how many more sleeps there were until I'd be home and that would happen. Sometimes I'd jot down what I planned on doing that day so that she could visualize what I was up to. I'd also comment on what her plans were that day too; "Enjoy your play date with Kyle today".

It took a bit of the sting out of missing me, and gave her something to look forward to each day that connected us both.

Another perk is that it gave us something to chat about when I called; "How was the storybook about farms?"

[Rachel]

I know this isn't possible for everyone, but I must travel 1-2x per month for 36-48 hrs each trip. We try to arrange for grandparent/aunt visits to overlap partially with my travel (and usually a weekend so I can see them too) so there's something special going on when I'm gone and my husband has an extra set of hands to help out during the morning rush of our 13month old to daycare. Regarding toiletries, my hairdresser now sells travel/trial sizes of many lines of hair products (particularly gels/mousse). I'm cheap and a product minimalist, so I usually save the hotel bottles whenever I hit a hotel with nice products.

[Shandra]

My husband travels and we always try to frame time in "sleeps" (nights). That's about my only tip, but there you go. :)

[me]

Leave a note, picture, or other fun thing(s) for each day that you'll be gone. Have the person caring for the kids hide them in unexpected places each day - inside a shoe or sock, in the cereal box, on the fridge door, etc etc.

[Jennifer]

I've been having to travel a bunch the past eight months--thankfully, it's over now. The first few times I tried to take husband and daughter with...don't do it! You can't focus on your work or them so everything just turns into a big mess. I'd forgotten this learned lesson two weeks ago when I had to travel to Louisville, KY and tried the family trip/business trip combo again. Still a nightmare. (DD is 18 months...maybe when she's older this would work better?) Similarly, once I tried to take a red-eye back so that I'd be home in the morning when DD woke up. Well, I was home, but I was about to collapse all day long. Thrilled to see DD, but pretty much sick with exhaustion.

My best advice for you is to use a little bit of this time for yourself. When I was in Atlanta, I went off to the High Museum for a couple on non-scheduled hours in my day over lunch. Oh, and I'm probably the only person out there that actually prefers to check my bag because a.) with a laptop and reading material a bag is just too heavy and a total pain and b.) I personally get so annoyed with people who take up the whole overhead bin with a bag that's clearly too big. I'm sure that someday I'm really going to run into trouble when my bag disappears forever, but so far it's worked for me.

As one of the commenters above said, the lead-up is much worse than the actual time away, particularly if it's only a few days.

[Florabora]

I'm about to leave on a 4 day trip for a conference - and my son will be almost 9 months old. Do kids at that age benefit from hearing their parent on the phone? My DH's parents will be visiting that week - so he'll have plenty of love. I'm not sure if calling him will be reassuring - or just confusing....

[LauraC]

My husband travels frequently for work. Our twins are 13 months old and he always calls during their dinner so that I can put him on the phone but they are contained.

To stay in touch, I make a special point to take pictures every day he's gone and put them on my blog with a little story that I don't tell him on the phone. It's a nice way for him to start his day, he checks my blog at the hotel before he heads in.

[Shelly Montague]

My advice - and I'm not being flippant - is to find a new job. Being away from your family, even occasionally, will destroy it. If your spouse and children have to carry the burden of you not being there, it really does weaken your bond.

I know that isn't going to be popular, but it's true.

[Tessie]

Ditto on the commenters who mentioned leaving a little card/note/trinket for each day you're going to be gone. My mom used to leave a little "puzzle" or scavenger hunt clue so that she would solve on the last day or when she got home.

[Helena]

Eeeeek. Have to disagree with Shelly Montague. I find that the time my DH and 16 month old have shared on my recent trips is invaluable- not only does he get to be the in-charge expert while I'm gone, but the baby gets to bond with him in a stronger way than when I'm around (since we're still BFing). This just doesn't happen if your routine never shifts (and leaving for 4-5 hours is just not the same, it's the day in and day out routine over several days that makes a difference in bonding we have found). The same is true when DH works double shifts or when he was working nights last fall.

Not to say that you must travel to have one parent and baby bonding (after all, I'm quitting my job PARTLY so I don't have to travel)- I would just hate for all the working/traveling parents out there to believe your email is the only possible reality.

I guess I was also feeling on this trip that I hoped we would both continue to take advantage to travel alone periodically (although for fun stuff, not three-day meetings!!).

[serafina]

@Shelly -- Humor is *always* popular! Your comment made me laugh out loud, so thanks!

Occasional travel will "destroy" your family? Is that only for mommies, or...? And what if the travel is for a fun getaway, like a ladies/guys weekend? This advice sounds like it's from the Surrendered Parent school...

[hedra]

ditto on the eek at Shelley's response. While I think that CAN happen, it would assume a cookie-cutter everyone-is-the-same family structure and function for it to be true across the board.

My mom explained the whole 'absent=forgotten/absent=fonder' paradox to me as a child this way: If you have a little fire, a tiny wind may fan it, but a big wind will blow it right out. If you have a big fire, even a big wind won't blow it out, and may make it bigger. If there's a big, deep, powerful bond and a deep and true love, travel/separations/distance - even regular and often - will not break it, and can even increase it. If there's a weak or variable bond/attachment, or a dysfunctional relationship, or if travel is just the excuse to avoid making deeper connections, then yeah regular travel/great distance/etc. can cause serious damage. This is born out in research on attachment - strong attachment, kids function well when parent is not present. Dysfunctional, insecure attachment, or other attachment disorder, and kids fall apart when parents are not present.

So, I guess taking from Shelley's cue: Apply with a clear eye to how well your family functions, and make sure that you're keeping a reasonable (but not obsessively panicked) eye on the repercussions.

Sarafina, there's a Surrendered Parent school? Is that like the Surrendered Wife thing?

[Jessica]

How timely. I just started a 6 day business trip, which is the longest I have ever been away from either of my kids. I travel only a few times a year, but I used to travel all the time until my daughter was about 10 months old. My husband is out of town 3-5 times a month. What works for us is:
Brief calls in the morning and at night.
Red ribbon on all of our suitcases so that we can find them easily.
We have Samsonite and have also had good luck with LL Bean and Lands End luggage. The big hanng toiletry kit from LL Bean is great. Also, for shorter trips, the Vera Brandley large duffel makes the BEST carry-on bag. You can squish it into proactically any overhead bin, even one without much space, it is very well constructed, and it can go in the wash if need be. If you have to check it, it is easy to find on the carousel.
I write notes on napkins for my daughter's school snack every day and I leave a stash.
We have a map on the fridge and we track where Daddy goes.
Drink lots of water, even more than normal, while you are gone.
Affrin before take-off really helps if you gt stuffed up on planes.
Keep at least one of your timepieces (phone. blackberry, etc.) on your home time zone because otherwise you can get confused and call during baths or the breakfast rush.
Don't try to work on the plane, particularly on the way home. Just buy People magazine and relax.

[Evelyn]

I've been traveling for business since my son (now 14 months) was 12 weeks old. The previous posters have given you most of the advice I have, but I'd like to add that it's really, really nice for your spouse to upload video of the family at home. This has been invaluable to me -- especially when my little one started crawling while I was in London for a week.

And wear flip flops through airport security. They're comfy to walk in and about half the time they don't make you take them off.

[Jennifer]

Oh, ditto the Vera Bradley duffle. I've had one since college (graduated in 1991) and I've carried it everywhere. Get black, though, because otherwise it gets dirty.

[Num Num]

Good travels, Moxie.
No tips, just love.

[Menita]

I've been travelling since my daughter was five or six months old (she is now 25 months, her little brother is 11 months). They do fine when I'm away, I'm sometimes a wreck (esp if I get too exhausted), so I do try to get room service one night and set the alarm clock extra early one day so I can have at least the illusion of lying in.
This may seem horrible, but it works for me: rather than trying to get home right after the conference ends in the early afternoon, I take a very late flight the same day, ensuring that I'll arrive after the kids are in bed. It makes no difference to them, but it gives me a night to reconnect with my husband before joining the circus again.

[Julia]

I travel two or three times a year, and the first trip I took was when my son was 1 month old.

Because I'm usually gone for a week at a time, I have to check my luggage. However, I'm also always shipping some materials to myself, so I include a change of clothes and essentials in the box I'm shipping. If my bag gets lost, I'll at least have that.

I also allow myself a day after my business is over to have time to myself before I go back home. I am more relaxed, and can debrief from a week of intensity that way. When I get home, I'm not so exhausted that I can enjoy seeing my family.

Then, from the other side: My dad is a sportswriter, and was gone a LOT when we were kids. He didn't generally call us every day (this was the 70s and long distance was a luxury, remember), but we'd use a calendar to follow when he'd be back. And if he was some place fun, we'd try to read about it in the encyclopedia. (How retro!) As we got older, we went on those trips with him, but they weren't fun until we were old enough to enjoy them. But, far from destroying our family, we loved that dad went on these adventures (to exotic places like.... golf tournaments! and bowl games! woo!), and would come back and tell us about them, and tell us where we could go when we go with him.

[Kay]

I personally think travel can be good for a relationship. It's a perpetual honeymoon. Think about it - if you know your time with someone is limited, how likely are you to pick a fight over something stupid? Not very. I almost got divorced when both my husband and I stopped traveling.

Truth be known, sometimes I wish one of us could just "go away". ;)

My husband is very capable of caring for the kids (now nearly 5 and nearly 2), so I never worry about them when I have to go. Our routine is calls in the morning, and calls at bedtime. No matter which one of us is gone.

Oh - and if it's a trip where you can get to a drugstore, sometimes it's easier to just buy full size once you get to your destination and throw it away. Bath gels - who cares if you "waste" $3.00 by leaving the 1/2 bottle in the trash. I shop the trial size aisle for most things.

[LisaK]

I've never been on a business trip where I couldn't find a drugstore. Either there's one within walking distance to the hotel, or I can grab a taxi and head to a supermarket/drugstore upon arrival. I can then stock up on favorite beverage (when I was still a Diet Dew addict), healthy snacks, and any toiletries needed.

[Strugi]

I just returned from my first trip away from my five month old. Far from destroying our family, I think that it brought us closer together. I greatly appreciate the time and energy it took my husband to be a single parent for the week. My husband learned all of the little things I do to make our lives run smoothly and thus appreciates me a bit more. Finally, and most importantly, my husband and our baby had time to solidify their bond. I was so sad and nervous about going-but it was a great thing (for us) to do.

[Kathy B.]

Weighing in on this one a bit late (I'm rather behind on my blog reading.)

The first time I travelled my daughter was 5 years old. I thought that hearing my voice would be a good thing -- but as it turns out, she was actually better off if I didn't call! Who knew!