The (Hypothetical) Dangerous Book For Girls

OK, people, you found me out--I think there are inherent differences between boys and girls. But that's a discussion for another day.

I wonder if a lot of the debate about TDBFB can't be divided down the lines of what sexes our children are. It seems those of us with boy children are thrilled to have something specifically for them. And, yes, my older son by now wouldn't be interesed in something marketed to girls, and is waaaay more intrigued by something specifically for boys. (Let's not forget that publishing is about marketing nowadays, first and foremost.) School and most social systems are geared for girls, and I love the idea that there's a book that's giving him permission to be a little wild, instead of telling him it's wrong for him to want to do dangerous things.

People with girl children just want something cool and dangerous for them (including frequent commenter enu, who went to the same women's college I did, which is how I know her). It seems to them that the title of the book is exclusionary, and they wish that their girls were being encouraged to do more dangerous things, too.

I don't think that wanting your girls to be able to do more interesting things than sitting around playing with American Girls means there's something wrong with having a book for boys. The problem is that the corresponding book for girls doesn't sound like it's going to be Dangerous. So, let's be the change we want to see in the world. What would you put in The Dangerous Book For Girls? Here's my list:

1. Changing a Tire
2. The Basic Etiquette of Introductions
3. Building a Solid Treehouse
4. Protecting Your Personal Space on the Subway
5. Breaking a Concrete Block with your Head
6. Spanish Phrases Every Girl Should Know
7. Driving a Manual Transmission Car
8. Walking Gracefully in High Heels
9. Maintaining Control of the Story During a Press Conference
10. Hustling Pool/Poker/Darts
11. The Basics of Digging to China in Your Backyard
12. Skateboard Jumps and Tricks
13. The Solar System
14. The Basics of Sewing and Seaming (including How to Pick Clothes that are Comfortable and Flatter Your Body Shape)
15.  The US States and Canadian Provinces with Capitol Cities
16. Morse Code
17. How to Tell if a Boy is Interested in You and What to do About It
18. The Rules of Soccer
19. Baking a Flaky Piecrust
20. Horses
21. Defending Yourself Against Bullies of Both Sexes
22. First Aid
23. Basic IM/Text Etiquette
24. 20 Classic Books Every Girl Should Read
25. How to Solve a Mystery

Anyone else want to play?

Comments

[Megan]

I like Juice's comments a lot. Growing up with 2 brothers and 3 sisters, I alternated freely between dress-up and Barbie's with my sisters and riding go-karts, getting dirty, playing with matchbox cars, etc., with my brothers (my sisters weren't as interested in that stuff as I was). My parents bought different things for the boys versus girls, but we all played with whatever interested us. My brother received the entire Hardy books series, and I devoured them. I don't think I ever thought it was unfair that he had them and I didn't.

Having a 16-month-old son, I am admittedly a little strident about not dressing him in anything with Madison Avenue's idea of boy stuff (trucks, baseball, construction equipment), mostly because I find it cliche and tasteless...yes, he adores trucks, but he also adores purses, jewelry, dolls...

He's in daycare with all girls and they've taught him to play dolls, dance, etc. I think it's great.

I'm fascinated by this discussion. I will definitely look into some of the survival guides people have mentioned. When/if I have a daughter, my husband and I will teach her all of that stuff, too, because it's cool!

[Tess]

Oh, this is interesting. I remember being 9 and shunning things I saw as "for boys" - although I was a huge tomboy who would rather run around outside than play with makeup. My Barbies were getting trapped by avalanches and fighting to survive in ice caves. :)

So I think parents aside, little girls might like a book for THEM. I loved my Girl Scout handbook (even though I didn't really like going to meetings) and memorized things on camping and knot tying and that kind of thing.

As a girl, I was all about finding mystery in the world. I don't know what's specifically in the boys' book, but for girls, how about:
- How to spot animal tracks or other signs of them.
- How to look for buried treasure (I always desperately wanted a metal detector).
- How to find rocks that can be tumbled into gemstones.
- How to do creative makeup - think Halloween not prom.
- How to make a time capsule.
- How to look for fairies and/or ghosts.

I have a 4yo boy now, and he seems so different from how I remember growing up, yet so similar. Maybe it's partly about gender differences and partly about respecting the choices of each individual (and giving them real options to choose from; why aren't there any Disney Cars shirts for little girls that aren't pink with the girl car? Why aren't there any "Princes" to match the Disney "Princesses"?)

[Melanie]

I'm sure this will get lost in the fray, but I'd like to add my two cents on the whole books for boys vs. girls thing. For those of you who are upset that the book is titled "for boys" please take a moment to do a search for "A Smart Girl's Guide To . . ." There's a book dedicated to Money, one to Boys, one to Sticky Situations (like falling down the stairs or falling through ice), one Middle School, one to Friendship Troubles, one to Manners. One whole book on each of these topics - not just a chapter each, one whole book each!
Then when you're done searching "A Smart Girl's", try searching for "The Smart Girl's". You'll find the Guide To Sports and the Guide to College. There's even "A Girl's Guide to Writing Great Poetry, Stories, School Reports, and More!"

Now do a search for A/The Smart Boy's Guide.

Okay, how about just "Boy's Guide".

Not much, huh?

[Sally J.]

I was going to post about the Smart Girl's guides series from American Girl in response to Juice's call for an everyday survival book. But it looks like Melanie beat me to the punch...

The Yikes! book is aimed at 8-12 year old girls and includes advice for surviving tricky situations like falling through the ice, getting separated from your parents while visiting a large city, or when your BFF tells everyone at school who you like.

-->Full disclosure: I worked as a fact-checker for the Yikes! book.

And as a former employee, I can tell you that American Girl has no desire whatsoever to become American Boy. They are asked that *all the time* and the answer is always the same: We don't do boys.

As I understand it (I am no longer an employee of AG) the decision was more about sticking to what you do well and not trying to be everything to everyone than gender politics. Of course, AG's parent company Mattel has plenty of stuff for boys.

[Shauna]

- How to fix a sink and/or replace a faucet
- How to not be a sitting duck while attempting to get your car fixed
- How to be HEALTHY in love
- How to respectfully stand up for yourself
- How to keep your head in an emergency

[Amanda]

I am horrified by numbers 8 and 19.

[Jody]

When I write that I want no realm of knowledge or set of skills to be defined by sex, I am asserting each of my children's God-given right to pursue any and all interests that they are interested in, to the fullest extent possible. My son has many, many, many typical boy interests (guns and football are current obsessions) and my girls have just as many typical girl interests. It would be anathema to me to attempt them to be anything other than who they are, with the interests they love.

Anyone who thinks I think we'd live best in a world of monochrome grey jumpsuits has entirely missed my point.

I can see no possible reason to divide these types of information into books "for boys" and "for girls" other than marketing. It seems obvious that the books will sell exceedingly well, my opinion notwithstanding. I, however, will spend my money on books that assume plenty of male pastry chefs want to know how to bake a flaky pie crust, and plenty of girls will want to know how to tie decent knots. And if my children happen to cross those lines (and even if they don't), I want them to be able to get the information from people who don't tell them it's transgressive for them to do so.

This isn't about undermining OR supporting the sex-identities of my six year olds. This is about making it as easy as possible for all of them to devour whatever knowledge they want, with as few barriers as possible.

I happen to think the book as titled and composed (this isn't just about two little words, after all -- there's editorial comment throughout to reinforce a particular conception of how boys and girls differ) presents a barrier I don't choose to introduce. If my son sees the book on the shelf in a few years at the bookstore, and wants to buy it, of course we'll do that -- just as we've let him choose a book a month for as long as he's been interested. But I choose not to buy it for him myself.

Curiously enough, there's nothing in the book I can't find via Google in at least three different places, for free.

[hismoose]

Oldest of three daughters here, raising two more daughters. Never liked conventional girlystuff, neither do my kids. Luckily, I was born into a family of nerds, married another, and am the happy parent of two more. I'd add these engineering/science skills:

How to troubleshoot a computer and replace some basic components

How to play video and console games (and win!)

Backyard bugs and why they're fun

Intro to naked eye and binocular astronomy

How to make and fly a model rocket or RC plane

Basic gears and pulleys and the neat stuff you can build with them.

For the record, my own daughters have more guys than girls in their friendship circles. Not having been culturally isolated from boystuff by growing up in the standard Barbie pink/Disney Princess cocoon, they can talk with guys as individuals and human beings with mutual interests - even in middle school. (A major source of envy among my girls' female friends.)

[Sara in Austin]

Couple of Skills to add:

Jump a car
Change an alternator
Make your own makeup -- Chemistry 101
How to Scramble Eggs
Read a Map
Pitch a Tent (I still suck at this...)
Cook on a campfire

[jesse]

Perhaps no one will get to my comments-- so many in this post! However, I have to speak up and agree with Jody, and Stephanie et al-- gender is a social CONSTRUCTION! Assigning activities or behaviors to one gender over another is the same as assigning those activities or behaviors to one race over another. I want my girl to be free to imagine and be and do whatever and whoever she decides. Too often, as with race, gender assignment narrows the choices and chances for girls and women politically, socially, economically.

[mrsgryphon]

My thoughts have been quite well iterated by others above, but I did want to add my favourite FAVOURITE book for girls (I give this one to every little girl I know for her birthday!)

The Paper Bag Princess, by Robert Munsch

Yes, "Princess" is in the title, but THIS princess is different... she outsmarts the dragon, rescues the prince and then dumps him at the end when he shows his true colours!

P.S. Robert Munsch has great books - if you go to his website, you can hear audio versions of them all, read in his distinctive voice!

[hedra]

Poking around on amazon, I found a book that includes a fair bit of the 'before you grow up you need to know' stuff for girls: The Girl's Guide to Absolutely Everything (Paperback) by Melissa Kirsch... it sounds very much like this list, from money management to making a vinegrette.

I think the desire is to teach our kids what the world doesn't automatically teach them (by gender, social class, cultural rules, etc.). And teach them sooner, so they're better set up by the time they're on their own.

There is also the combo of The Big Book for (Boys/Girls), which do contain very different (and gender-divided) info for tweens, along the lines of the Dangerous Book, pretty much. I'm going to have to take a look at those, too. They at least don't present the titular case that to be boy = to be dangerous.

[clkl]

I just came across a blog post where it seems that someone IS going to do a similar book for girls:

http://www.everydaymomblog.com/post/index/125/Great-News

I just found her site, but it made me think of this discussion...

[Melissa Kirsch]

I loved reading this discussion, and was thrilled to find my book suggested as an analagous book for girls. I think I covered about 98% of all the stuff you mentioned in "The Girl's Guide to Absolutely Everything." The book started with the same premise as this thread: I asked about a hundred women what they know now (in their late 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, etc.) that they wish they'd known when they were just starting out that would have eased transitions, spared them heartache, generally averted crisis." The answers I got, that accumulated wisdom, is what I put into the book. I'm so glad to see a forum in which women are actually discussing this stuff. Take good care, Melissa

[Erin Tocknell]

Oh, thank goodness I've found this forum! I've been scouring the web ever since I found out about TDBFB. The authors definitely noticed that boys have forgotten how to have unstructured fun, and they are to be commended for that. What's been neglected is that girls have NEVER really been able to engage in unstructured outdoor play - there's such a huge societal stigma against a tree-climbing little girl. This book reminds me of why I hated being a girl twenty years ago. We just didn't have the same freedom as boys.

And this continues. The girls at the PRESCHOOL where I taught a couple years ago often came wearing platform shoes, which they couldn't possibly run around in. I think a girls book should simple contain a chapter called "How to play without sitting down"

Also, tree-climbing. And using a compass.

[Cathy White]

When I was that age, I'd want to know how to save an animal. Now that I live in the country, I know that a lot of saving animals is about leaving them alone. Some basic information about when to intervene and what to do would be good. An animal first aid, if you will.

[Kim]

I have a son, but if I ever have a girl, I'll do everything possible to try to teach her skills to make her a more well-rounded adult, as well as to be able to care for and protect herself. I wouldn't be keen on teaching her things just for the sake of being aggressive. Things I have found infinitely useful not on your list:
1) auto basics - how to change a tire, check your tire pressure, parallel park, check your fluids, drive a stick (scary how few people know)
2) cooking basics - how to chop an onion, cook pasta, roast vegetables...just basic techniques to feed yourself
3) money basics - how to save, spend wisely, balance a checkbook, and most importantly...how to invest
4) and because you can't get through life without a sense of humor, how to tell a joke ;-)

[Michael Prout]

I see a lot of wonderful suggestions above. If I could write a book this would be a great place to start my notes.

I just want to say that (as a father of a wonderful boy and girl) the book TDBFB is a wonderful idea for both boys and girls. My son is definately a boy (likes climbing trees, collecting bugs, riding ATVs and fishing) and my daughter is definitely a girl (fashion, dolls, horses, boys) but they both are strong, clever, intelligent and capable of doing anything they put their minds to. TDBFB is just a resource like the Internet or library for them to explore and consider much more than video games, TV or lazing around the house.

Ladies, teach your kids (boys or girls) to be strong, compassionate, courageous, responsible, creative, and free. Use books, mentors, or whatever it takes to encourage them to learn, do and be... Good luck.

[Emily]

I think every girl should know the basics on how to give a good presentation whether it be for school or for work.

[Erica Pflueger]

I Googled "Dangerous Book for Girls" hoping to find the female counterpart for TDBFB. This blog is all I got. How sad.
My nieces and nephew were visiting over the weekend and I knew they'd enjoy that book. I was quite disappointed when my 9 year old nephew told his 7 year old sister that she couldn't read it because it was only for boys. She stompped over to me while I was doing the dishes, arms crossed with a scowl on her face, "Auntie! Ethan says that book is only for boys." I said, "No, no it's for girls too. It's just a cruel joke the world is playing on us." She ran into the other room delighted, "It's just a joke Ethan. I can read it too."

I would have LOVED that book as a young girl.

[Rerto Jordans]

If everyone wants to have his own house. With their own power to realize. So we are good refueling! To create a better tomorrow!

[Samara]

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[Santino]

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[Husqvarna Chainsaw Reviews]

I wanna add your blog in my RRS, however i can't get the rrs. Could you help me, it's time saving when using rss.