Q&A: thumb-sucking

Marta writes:

"I have an almost four y-o that sucks her thumb when she wants to fall asleep. She's never wanted the dummy and from day one has been a thumb-sucker. It's not something that worries me a lot at the moment, since there isn't any dental problem (as said by the paed) and she only does it at night or when very distressed. But I'd like to know how can I get her to abandon this behaviour in the long run. Most children are weaned from dummies by age three, but it's way more difficult with thumbs ! Related or not, I was thumb-sucking until 10 yo !"

Ah, Marta and her daughter are my people! You guys know I sucked my thumb to fall asleep until I was 11, so I'm absolutely not in the "they must be off the thumb/pacifier/lovey by age X" camp.

My mom's theory (and I think my mom was amzingly empathic, especially when we were little little) was that if our needs were being met for comfort and love and snuggling, and we still wanted comfort objects, then it was just some developmental thing and we'd grow out of it when we were ready. So she defended me when my grandparents came up with all sorts of cockamamie ideas to get me to stop sucking my thumb (painting bitter stuff on it, trying to traumatize me by giving me scary mental achors connected to thumb-sucking, etc.) and figured I'd grow out of it.

I think Marta's daughter will grow out of it, too, when she's ready. It seems like it's an effective way to self-soothe, and I worry that if she's forced to stop she'll either be emotionally at loose ends or will need to develop something else to self-soothe. If Marta really wants her daughter to stop, probably the best way to do it that won't be really traumatic would be to figure out what else her daughter could do to self-soothe (holding a soft lovey, touching her own hair, etc.) and getting her to focus on that instead.

I doubt her daughter will do it in public when she goes to school and realizes the other kids don't do it. (I hear a lot of stories about kids who quit cold-turkey when they started school, except for a little bit at  night by themselves.)

So my advice is basically not to worry about it and let her find her own way with it. Once she doesn't need to self-soothe anymore she'll give it up.

Comments

[Ally]

I sucked my thumb until I was 5. My grandparents figured I'd stop when I was ready so there wasn't ever any pressure.

I'd give it time and if it becomes a social issue, then help her find another way of self-soothing. Otherwise, I'd leave it alone.

[anon]

I'm 34, and sometimes I still suck my thumb to fall asleep.

[Emily]

I also sucked my thumb for quite a while. I think I was somewhere between 5 and 8 when I quit - sorry I don't remember for sure. But I do remember thinking to myself, "I'm too old for this," and I was done (this is not to suggest that anyone else who sucked their thumb longer than 8 y.o. is wrong; it's just where I was at the time, I suppose). So take heart - I definitely agree with Moxie and the others. I bet it will take care of itself.

[Megan]

I sucked my thumb for a long time, and I remember my mother trying everything to get me to stop. All that did was make me hide the sucking from her. My sisters would actually "test" my thumb in the middle of the night (we slept in the same room) to see if it was wet! I have fond memories of sucking my thumb...it made me feel very safe. FWIW, my teeth are straight and I never needed any orthodontia.

[Amy]

I remember sucking my thumb well into school years, and stopped on my own. The only thing I would do about it, is teach her to do it in her room (not out in public), if that's what bothers you. It's like allowing a child of that age to have their soother in their beds/cribs but not out of their room. Other than that, I'd let it go or you could run into the embarassment/hiding aspect.

[Maura]

I didn't suck my thumb, I sucked my index and middle finger of my left hand because they had the best "finger juice." I did it on and off up till kindergarten, when I looked around and didn't see any of the other kids doing it. I decided that I wouldn't, either, and never did again. My younger sister sucked the same too fingers almost constantly until well into 4th grade, and only stopped then because the orthodontist put a stopper device in her mouth.

We both had the same degree of over/cross-bite and crookedness to our teeth. Modern research shows that genetics play a much larger part in development of malocclusion than any sort of sucking, so if you or your daughter's father had bad teeth, start saving now!

It sounds like your daughter is sucking her thumb completely appropriately, and will stop when she's ready. No need to rush her, it's doubtful she'll still be doing it when she goes to college.

[Fahmi]

I sucked until I was about 7, I think. My parents tried a lot of stuff (quinine on the thumb, putting stuff over my hands so I couldn't get to the thumb, etc) and when they failed, they moved on to the shaming. They mentioned to everyone I still sucked my thumb. I sucked only when I was asleep, so it was hard for me to even be consciously aware of what I was doing.

I stopped eventually when I was about 8 - the trauma of moving broke the habit, maybe?

[Pamela]

Well Moxie, reading your response and those of your commenters makes me feel a lot better because my daughter is 17 months and loves to suck her thumb. I won't worry about it as much now.
I do have a question though. Has anyone gotten a scab or blister from sucking or seen one on your child? Our daughter has one now on her thumb of choice and I don't know if she bit it or sucked it raw. If so, any advice? I think it might be on it's way towards being infected.

[Jill]

If it does become a health issue, there is a way to wrap an ace bandage on that makes the thumb pop out once the child is asleep. It doesn't stop them from soothing themselves to sleep, it stops them from continuing to suck once asleep. You can ask your dentist if you would like to know how to do it.

Moxie, I am in awe of your mom. I have terrible memories of my parents bursting into our bedrooms at night doing thumb checks.

[hedra]

Pamela, This is the age for very low immune function (between 9 months and about 3-4 years), so infections are more common, expecially with mouth contact. She may need an antibiotic (oral) to knock out the infection if it is encapulated (like a pocket). Don't drain it on your own, that can be worse.

Brendan is a nail biter (developed that in the midst of all his hospital visits, sigh), and he got cellulitis (I think that's the term - basically, infection of the skin) fairly easily while he was in the peak of his Transient Hypogammaglobulinemia of Infancy stage (that is, his immune function dropped as usual for the age, but went 'too low' and left him open to opportunistic infections). Often around the nail bed. He was on some nasty-strong antibiotics twice as a result, which did work. And having the doctor tell him not to bite his nails (toenails included, LOL!) did help reduce the amount of knawing going on. At least down to a moderate level...

Anyway, that's my info on infection and digits-in-mouth. Not sucking-related, but similar. Only hot tip is that if it is infected, to keep up on the probiotics/yogurt if you use antibiotics - a skin yeast infection/thrush isn't fun, either.

[Ashley]

My sister sucked her thumb until she was 11. She quit cold turkey on the day I got braces put on my teeth because my mom mentioned that she might need them, too, unless she stopped sucking her thumb. I don't think my mom was intentionally trying to scare her, but it made her stop! (Incidentally, she never did end up needing braces and I never sucked my thumb/fingers and I needed them. Oh well.)

I just had to comment on this post because my sister's college roommate sucks her thumb. She's 22 and she still sucks it most nights when she's falling asleep and very occasionally when she's feeling stressed (but only in their room, not in public). She's a "normal" college student with a career and a boyfriend, the thumb sucking is just one of her quirks. Most people don't even know she does it, and those of us that do know don't care.
So I wouldn't worry too much about it. She'll give up doing it when she's ready, but if she's one of the very few people that never give it up, I don't think she'll be shunned for it. :-)

[Ellen]

My daughter is 14 months and struggles at both naptime and nighttime to let herself relax to sleep. She never took a pacifier (we tried) and never sucked her fingers. I wish she could self soothe - it would help her sleeping. I say if your daughter needs it, so what?

[marta]

Thanks for all your comments, it's great to be able to share concerns. Nice to join the thumb-sucking club ! :-)

[andrea from the fishbowl]

My daughter sucked her two middle fingers until she was seven. She stopped soon after she learned to read and got really excited about books. We told her she can stay up (in bed) as long as she wants on the condition that she's reading. And she quickly discovered she can't hold a book and suck her fingers at the same time.

[Rachel]

Hasn't anyone seen the movie "Thumbsucker"? Wow, it was amazing. It's a Mike Mills movie (yep, the guy who does the skateboard designs) and it's about a guy who still sucks his thumb (in private) as a young adult. It's a great movie, very insightful and affirming. It's based on a partly autobiographical novel by Walter Kirn, which I also mean to read.

[teeth whitening california]

I also a thumbsucker and it is sop funny that at my age 23 nothing has change,too shy.

by: florence

[Dario]

ben, you need the other option on your poll.true, tulallah goes to bed with doggie and dr. dolly - but they don't make it past the bedroom door during daylight hours. besides, i don't believe she'd miss them if they were, say, um, accidentally left in the bag that is in the trunk of the car which is parked 2 blocks away on a really, really cold night.what she needs is blood. or proximity to. that is to say, she sucks on my neck (and evidently that of any strange babysitter in the middle of the night, which is a little disturbing - more for them than her, probably. oh, and there was one who asked if i would vouch for her when her boyfriend asked about that new hicky .) it's something she's done for her entire 18 month life. i'm told it's cute. my little vampire, literally sucking the lifeblood out of me. but let's be honest, it's long past geting creepy. and it makes a mess of the hair behind my left ear.however - it works!! and unlike boobs when she was nursing, most people have necks that suffice! no doubt, i will mourn the day she stops - or rue the day it manifests into some socially unacceptable oral fixation anyone else have a baby that does this?

[Denny]

I had to click other because Averie's sucreity still comes from her bottle at 2 with just plain whole milk. Of course that is with a side of mom or dad (dado) for what she calls hug bugs . She likes to drink it on our lap or in bed with us in the mornings and then pinches our love handles. At least she doesnt need this to sleep! She is in her own big girl bed and just has one last bottle til she is out. But then she has her pillow her cousin made but this never leaves the bed so i wouldnt call it a sucreity item.

[Denny]

I had to click other because Averie's sucreity still comes from her bottle at 2 with just plain whole milk. Of course that is with a side of mom or dad (dado) for what she calls hug bugs . She likes to drink it on our lap or in bed with us in the mornings and then pinches our love handles. At least she doesnt need this to sleep! She is in her own big girl bed and just has one last bottle til she is out. But then she has her pillow her cousin made but this never leaves the bed so i wouldnt call it a sucreity item.

[Thri]

To all of the parents of hair puellrs: YOU ARE NOT ALONE! My 9mo daughter, Sabrina, loves pulling my hair, or locking my lower lip in a deathgrip while she takes her nighttime nursing. Even though she sleeps with a pacifier, nothing beats sticking your hand (or head) down mommy's shirt when you get a little tweaked by a large crowd. LOLTo the mom of the baby who sucks on your neck: Sabrina is not above nursing on ANY exposed skin of anybody handy when she wants nursey-nursey

[Adalyth]

get them attached to a lovey and then you get the flip side of when to dingagsee them from said lovey. At one year old, my guy doesn't seen all that interested in any particular object but does become interesed in an item of the day. He doesn't need it for comfort, though.One nephew had to have his case, an eventually ratty old pillowcase that was carried everywhere until kindergarten and stayed in the bed until much later.

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