Q&A: pacifiers: boon to society or bane of your existence?

I've gotten several questions in the last few weeks from parents of young babies (in the 3-5 month range) who are caught in the pacifier trap and can't walk out. The baby falls asleep with the pacifier, but then wakes up when it falls out, and can't go back to sleep until someone pops the pacifier back in. Lather, rinse, repeat all night long.

I wrote a post on this last year (is April just a bad month for pacifiers?), but we might as well revisit it now. I don't have any newer answers than what I wrote before. I never had to deal with it, since my first son could fall back alseep in the middle of the night without the pacifier (and we were still nursing at night with him in the bed at that point anyway), and my second son would never take a pacifier. So my advice is all speculation. The readers had some good suggestions the first time.

So this time I'm asking for encouragement for our hopeless parents. And we might as well use this as a chance to debunk some pacifier myths by sharing our experiences. Did your baby use a pacifier? For how long? How did you get rid of it (if you have) and was it hard or easy? If you got rid of the pacifier sometime in the 3-5-month range, how did you do it?

I'll start with my short and boring history: Child 1 refused a pacifier until 12 weeks, then used one only to fall asleep. At 8 months or so we went on vacation and forgot the pacifiers, and he never missed them. Child 2 would never take one.

You?

Comments

[flea]

I resisted giving Child 1 a paci at first, fearing it would interfere with breastfeeding, but she was a fast, efficient nurser and I had oversupply issues, and after spending weeks with my finger in her mouth we went to the paci - maybe at about 6 weeks? She loved it, and it was very useful for sleep until maybe 6-8 months. We took it away by about a year with no trauma; she was bored with it by then.

Child 2 had a paci in the first couple of weeks (same type of breastfeeder) and again it was very useful when he was smaller. He still uses it for getting to sleep sometimes (now 9 mos), but it is more of a toy now (also I think for teething chewing), and he will often refuse it in the night if it is offered. We love the 'paci game' - is it Dillo's paci, or Mama's paci? He offers, and I take it in my mouth, and he giggles. I think it will be going away within a few months, as his sleep is changing (more reliably sleeps on his stomach, put himself back to sleep better rather than needing our help or wanting to nurse).

Sorry I don't have advice about the dropped paci/wakeup problem - both of mine were in bed with us at 3-5 months and wanted to nurse when they woke up in the night.

[Lisa]

It's been a few years, so I'm hazy on the details, but I remember that we used to tease our son with the pacifier (try to gently tug it while it was in his mouth) so that he would hold on to it better. We also worked on trying to get him to put it in his own mouth. Aim was bad at first, but he eventually got it. From that point it was fine, we just littered the crib with pacifiers so that he could always find one when needed. Before he got to that point it was frustrating to pop out of bed just to put the pacifier back in his mouth, but he slept in our room, just not in our bed.

As for weaning him from the pacifier, it was surprisingly easy. Around 9-10 months, we started limiting the pacifier to naptime/nighttime use only. That age is so much fun anyway with new discoveries that he didn't mind at all. Then shortly after that we eliminated the pacifier from naps and only let him have it at night. But since he wasn't using it anymore for naps, HE decided not to use it at all.

Overall, I prefered having him use the pacifer for comfort. It allowed other people to help soothe him rather than putting all the pressure on me and my breasts. And he was a great feeder, so it never interfered with breastfeeding. Actually, it probably made my life easier, because he learned the difference between comfort and food. I'll definitely use a pacifier with next kiddo (if he/she takes it!).

[Lisa]

Oops, didn't mean to go on this long, but...

I think it's important to try to limit the pacifier before the child hits the toddler years. At that point they become so dependent on routines and structures, that it would be virtually impossible to get the child to give them up without a battle.

[Kate]

Both kids have preferred MOMMY to any sort of artificial device. #1 would accept no breast substitute of any kind: no paci, no thumb, no lovey, no dice. #2 (12 months) was really not interested in a paci but found his thumb early and still likes it, although in the middle of the night his return-to-sleep-with-thumbsucking is very light & restless as compared to the deep sleep of return-to-sleep-with-nursing and I am not sure how to deal with that in a cosleeping context.***

My 3.5 yo nephew is still attached to his pacifiers, but he's only allowed to have them in bed (my BIL and SIL at some point put like 8 in there to avoid the middle of the night pages). Sometimes he'll choose to go lie down just to have them, but usually that means he needs to have quiet time and he's regulating himself. They're not concerned.

*** This was going to be my next email to Ask Moxie. :-)

[Michele]

Let me start by saying before I had kids I was the worst judge of parents who let their children have pacifiers beyond early infancy. Good thing I had the money to buy very good shoes back then because my foot spent alot of time in my mouth since I became a mother.

I have twins, both pacifier addicts from birth. Definitely made 4-5 trips a night per child in the 3-5 month range to replace lost pacifiers. Then they figured out how to retrive themselves and it went down to maybe one visit per night, per kid. They each had several in their cribs. At about 8-9 months, once they became very mobile, pacifier use was cut down to sleeping and car rides only. They definitely wanted it more during teething periods. But they dont like any other type of soother (blankie, teddy, etc.) so the doctor said to let them have it and they would grow out of it.

At about 18 months we cut down to bedtime only and it was HARD for them for a few days but they made it. Now at 2, they still want it when they go to bed, but we take them out once they fall asleep and they dont miss it. There is a child in their daycare who is several months older who has his pacifier 24/7 and even his parents admit it has delayed his speech. He is about to get a new baby sister though, so even the docotr says now would be a tough time to wean him off.

I dont regret that we gave them the pacifiers. With twins you needed SOMETHING to soothe while they waited their turns. They all grow out of it eventually. I think this is just another thing that we THINK we are supposed to have control over, especially since we know other people will see them with their pacifiers and make judgements. The daycare peer example above aside, it is really not a big issue for most kids.

[hedra]

Child 1: Took a pacifier briefly around 3-5 months, had the whole 'must have in mouth at night' thing going briefly (ugh, but hey, I was going to have to get up one way or the other), and lost interest on his own as soon as that fussy stage was past. Admit to much relief on my part.

Child 2: Never took one that I can recall, though there might have been some use in there somewhere. Pretty much a mommy-or-bottle kid, and not much on the bottle, either. Didn't have much use for them by that point, having survived nicely without one before (different coping mechanisms required, of course - not a freebie, easy-peasy thing, just had adapted to the paci-free world and was comfortable with comfort nursing on demand).

Twins A+B: I vaguely recall trying them when they were in the midst of some fussy stage, and the daycare provider looking at me with shock when I showed up one day with pacis to hand off to her (she'd watched my others, too, so wasn't used to the paci thing from me). She shrugged, tried them, they failed to help any that she could tell. As another twin mom, I was really hopeful that they COULD help with the whole waiting-my-turn issue (especially in fussy/sleep-regression/needy/clingy stages), but I didn't get much luck on that front. It was weird to be hoping they'd take to pacis, after having been so relieved with the first that I would never have to fight that battle... :shrug: Learned there are always battles of some sort, doesn't really matter that much whether it is paci or not. (Oh, and my second has a speech delay, not sure if a paci might have HELPED with that, because it has to do with using the tongue near the front of the mouth.)

IMHO, kids who are obsessed with them may have another issue they are masking with the paci, like reflux or other discomfort. If my oldest had taken to the paci, he'd likely have been using it at 3 or 4, and he took a blankie to school until well into Kindergarten... reflux, sensory issues, yadda yadda. Nursing was a way of self-medicating for him. Sooooothing when his system was always irritated/uncomfortable. Taking the paci away before the underlying need is handled is IMHO a real concern. Solve the underlying need, and the addiction may weaken enough to make the issue go away mainly on its own. Or not, but can't hurt!

[Liza]

We lost the pacifier that the hospital provided within 20 minutes of getting our son home, and just found it about 2 weeks ago. (14 months after losing it.)

He refused all other brands, and by the time we found that kind again, he refused them all. We spent the first 2 months walking around with an adult finger in his mouth, and gradually he became able to suck on his own fingers. I feel lucky, although I didn't feel that way when he was 2 weeks old!

[AmyinMotown]

Hmmm. She started taking a pacifier pretty early, because otherwise she would have nursed 24/7. Then she discovered her thumb (I think she thumbsucked in utero because she had a little callus on it when she was born and she got that thumb in her mouth when she was less than an hour old). From there, it's been thumb all the way. Not thinking ahead, I thought it would be easier because there would be no late night "pacifier calls" but didn't think of this: I can take away a pacifier, I can't cut off her thumb! She mostly only sucks her thumb when she's tired or zoned out watching Blue's Clue's.

Cute but off-topic: My brother sucked his two middle fingers, upside down in his mouth in a V. Very cute--and he didn't do it forever either, maybe there's hope for Maggs....

[Meira]

I suspect I really lucked out in this department, but maybe my experience will be useful to someone . . .
With my oldest used a pacifier (NUK) religiously. When he was about 18mos-2, we decided that pacifiers were for bedtime, and he could have it whenever he wanted, provided he was in bed. It worked very well for us, and I think somewhere around 3.5 years old we stopped replacing them, and gradually they all got lost or destroyed and (thankfully) he didn't notice that they'd gone away.

With my twins, I was very concerned that I would be able to nurse them and so we decided 'No Pacifiers!'. And then changed our minds during the second night in the hospital (lol). We got them the Avent pacifiers. Usually I nursed them and then if they stilled seemed fussy, I would give the the pacifier. If it had been more than 45 minutes since they'd nursed, I nursed them again. One of them was more attached than the other, but it was never a cure-all for either of them, so I think we ended up tossing them around 6 months. Now they are two, and on the rare occasion they find a pacifier in a drawer or something, it's in their mouth in a heartbeat and they'd probably keep it there forever if I let them. Instead I warn them that they'll have to give it back in a couple minutes, and then make sure it's really hidden. (Why do I keep these things? I don't know . . . lol)

[Mary]

I can't really help with the middle of the night lost paci problem, because I can't remember what we did, but I can assure you that even the most dedicated paci user can turn out just fine. I was one and so was my oldest. At almost nine, she still speaks wistfully about her pacis (Nuk brand). At some point in later toddlerhood, the paci rule was that they were only for sleeping. They didn't leave the bedroom unless we were traveling. This was fine until we tried to take them away when she turned three. We talked and talked and talked about it, and then came the first paci-less night and she was so bereft that we caved and gave them (one for sucking and one for smelling, no joke!) back. We kept talking and talking and talking about it and finally she gave them up, with lots of tears, when she was 3.5. Just like I did, she mailed them to "the poor children who don't have pacis."

One interesting thing was that she had a pretty bad overbite while she was a paci-user. Within six months of giving them up, the overbite was gone. Whereas my severe overbite only went away with braces. And I didn't use a pacifier quite as long.

Another interesting thing was that weaning was much easier for her than giving up the paci. She stopped nursing at 2.5. We had been tapering down but stopped suddenly when I got thrush in both nipples. I told her we couldn't nurse that night and then she was done. It was a little too sudden for me.

She did get a reward for giving up both nursing and the pacis. We went to the toy store and she was allowed to chose whatever she wanted. For nursing it was a Barbie (!) and for the pacis, an Easybake oven.

She also has a lovey that she is still devoted to. My almost two-year old will have nothing to do with lovies or pacis. It's all me. I am the paci, or at least my boobs are. Sigh.

[Melissa]

My little girl (now 9 months) was given a pacifier by a nurse in the hospital the first or second day. I remember at the time that I wasn't sure how I felt about that but I was so tired, and my nips already so sore that I was just happy it worked for a bit. She used it off and on for a couple of months but was never dedicated to it. However she refused any other brand.

She found fingers and fist and I was sure she was going to find the thumb but she never quite figured that one out. But like others mentioned above mommy is the best chew toy - she now refuses the pacifier, only has a finger in her mouth when she wants to check out her first tooth (!), shows no interest in stuffed animals/loveys, etc. She still chews on various objects she comes across but won't take solids. Sigh.

Interestingly enough, I was a hardcore thumb sucker until I was 7 years old. My mom tried sprays, tape, you name it to get me to stop but I had to stop myself (wool glove - leaves a horrible taste in the middle of the night). Peer pressure, while horrible, can quickly change a child's habits. I had/have no speech problems, and no teeth/dental problems related to thumb-sucking.

I wouldn't sweat the pacifier addiction. They all grow out of it at some point and if it becomes truly a dependency then like hedra mentioned there could be some underlying issue going on that needs to be addressed.

[Kay]

Child 1: never took one - despite me trying to force it on him

Child 2: She is 18 months old tomorrow and she LOVES her pacifier. Although, they only give it to her for nap at school. I should really cut back on it now. Oh - and get rid of the night time bottle. Yeah. I'm going to get right on that. ;)

[Maureen]

I am a mom of twins as well and we lived and died by the pacifier in the early months. It became a competition of sorts for my husband, my mom and me as to who could figure a way to "prop" the darn thing in, safely, of course. My husband was great at rolling a small blanket super tight and using that as a prop. I was paranoid about having anything near my boys' face, though, so we really kept an eye on when the boys started to move more (they were swaddled early on so there was not a lot of movement) we couldn't use the props as much. In those early sleep deprived, pacified dependent days/nights, we'd start giggling that we finally understood why the pacifier packaged had that rediculous warning message that you were not to attach the pacifier with a rubberband, etc.

Anyway, luckily my one boy that probably would have been more pacifier dependent learned how to flip over sooner than my other boy. Once he started flipping over, he gave up the pacifier - it would just get in the way when he turned over. My other boy found his thumb, which was a day we all celebrated as we no longer had to keep putting the pacifier back in during the night and he started sleeping a little better. We'll have other issues one day when we try to get him to stop sucking his thumb, but we'll deal with those when they come.

I think if you have a baby that likes the pacifier, then you are doomed to a couple months (or more) of constantly putting it back in during the night. I think (I'm totally guessing here) you could probably then take it away when they reach 1 or teach them how to put it back in if they wake up. I'd agree with the one post that if you let it get too far into the toddler years, it will be a harder habit to break at that point.

[jessica]

My daughter is 17 months old, and only uses that stupid annoying paci when she sleeps at night.

Yes I still have to get up once a night or so to stick it back in her mouth.

Out of the 6 or so that were floating around, I can only find 1. I refuse to buy any more, so when this last one gets lost, she'll have to deal with it.

Which I hope happens over a weekend...I have to work during the week! eek

[wendy]

After many many weeks of the drop and replace cycle at night, we moved into the flinging the pacifiers (all 3) out of the crib.

We tried tying a pacifier snugly onto the baby's stuffed animal mouse's tail. Couldn't be thrown out of the crib so it worked well.

Also discovered on Baby Dagny that someone makes Wubba Nubs, which are stuffed animals with a Soothie sewn in. got one of those. Also can't be thrown out of the crib.

Now, even if the baby complains at night or during naps, I know at least to rule out the missing pacifier.

Of course, these only work once babies are allowed to have something in their crib and they've got to be able to move themselves well enough to find the stuffed animal.

In general, I don't mind pacifiers because I'd rather have the baby sucking on a relatively clean pacifier than the bottom of my shoe, a purse strap, the cat. But I also "forget" the pacifier sometimes during stroller rides, car rides, naptime, etc.

[Heath]

Mine's boring - first/only kid took one fairly happily from about 1-3 months old, and then completely lost interest in them. Never used them during sleep, only when he'd already nursed his ass off for EVER and I wanted my nipples back. Now (7.5 months) he'll play with one and chew on it, but he vastly prefers the side without the nipple on it, and simply likes popping it in and out of his mouth.

[Mimi]

Hey Moxie! How's the monkey training project going?

[Maria]

We gave our son a pacifier when he was about a week old, much to the horror of the LC at the hospital. He nursed for well over a year, so it didn't damage the nursing at all. He just needed to suck even when he wasn't hungry. He spontaneously stopped using it at about 8 months, when he discovered he could suck his fingers (the first and middle fingers on his left hand, and only upside down). He still sucks his fingers at 3 yo, but only when he's tired.

The dentist said it may end up messing up his teeth eventually, but he's getting them so slowly that it doesn't matter now (and I think that's probably the same issue for long-term paci use). I honestly wouldn't worry about letting a baby have a pacifier if s/he's not hungry and just wants to suck. The issue then becomes how often you want to replace it at night. Personally, I had little tolerance for that, but my guy was so hungry at night until he was about 9 months that it never really became an issue for us.

[Julie]

We love our pacis. LOVE THEM. My son comes from a long line of suckers (literally and figuratively). I sucked my thumb until about 10 or so....my brother was the same, and my mother was the same as well. We all understand the sucking relfex and how soothing it can be. That being said, our 18m/o loves his paci and we don't worry too much right now about taking it away. We try to limit it to bedtime/naptimes only, but we'll pull it out if he's super tired or super clingy -he's just entered a major Mommy phase and separation anxiety has hit us full in the face...so we let him have it if he's having a very difficult time, especially late in the afternoon. To be honest, I've had days where I've considered borrowing one, popping it in and curling up in my bed. It looks lovely.

As for popping them back in their mouths at night from 3-5 months......it's probably the same advice you all would give me about the separation anxiety....just got to muscle through it and know that in 2 weeks it will be better, and in 2 more weeks it will be even better. They do learn, rather suddenly, how to pop it back in. It all kind of happens around the same time they roll over, and you have to stop swaddling. If you've got a sucker like we do....it's the first thing on their list of things to accomplish, and they are quite pleased with themselves.

I agree with previous posts that if you are wanting to take it away, you should do so between 5 and 10 months....after that, you are probably in it for the long haul. Like us. There are days when I am certain I will be mailing my college freshman a tin of cookies and some new replacemet pacis.

I have heard stories of some parents who slowly cut away at the nipple of the paci until it loses its "suck".....and then you tell your child that it's broken and you have to throw it away. It's probably similar to the "mailing them to children who need pacis" routine. But these methods are still a year or two away for us.

I have a related question about pacis though....my son has some leftover from 0-3 months, 3-6 months and of course he is using the 12-18 month old sizes (Avent brand)....does anyone know if there is really any difference other than the size of the face plate? The nipples all look the same, and he can't seem to tell the difference. Just curious. We have quite a collection, and could probably start our own Paci Museum.

[stacylane]

I wrestle with the Paci Issue.

We don't do a paci, and overall the results have been great. My son is able to fall back asleep at night without sucking (he's 4 months). I never have to worry about the darn thing falling out. I don't like the way pacis look.

But...well, babies always develop some kind of addiction or another. My son doesn't have to suck his way to sleep, but he does need Mommy nearby. Which is fine for now, since we co-sleep, but it's going to be a bitch when we try to move him out. If he had a paci habit, he would have something to comfort him in my absence.

Plus, and more importantly, not introducing a paci has given my husband NOTHING to help soothe the baby. It's the boobs or nothing for my little guy. I regret that. My husband feels left out, you know?

So with the next baby, I'll probably introduce one. I'm not too worried about weaning, because if it wasn't the paci it would be something else. But I'll still always hate the way they look ;)

[Amy]

Like so many others, I tried to get #1 to take a pacifier with no luck. He was a boob man all the way and a plastic nipple was no substitute for the real thing. I didn't bother with the pacifier much when #2 came along but danced a very happy dance when she found her thumb at about 4 months. She's been attached to it ever since (she's almost 5) and I frequently open up dentist visits with "Don't even try to talk us out of the thumb, b/c I'm not doing that to her."

You see, I sucked my thumb until I was 8. My father tried all kinds of things to get me to stop... even taping my fingers together whle I slept so I couldn't get at my thumb. It was horrible. Then one day when I was 8 I just decided I didn't need it any more... and voila, I didn't suck it from that day on. I assume my daughter will hit a similar wall of her own. Until then, she can suck her thumb all she wants.

Now the dilemma is whether or not to try a paci with #3!

[Amy]

Long time admirer of Moxie's, first time commenter! My son had the same problem. He would not take his thumb, nor was he able to "find" the pacifiers left in his crib. He was about 9 months at the time and we were only using the pacifier for naps and bedtime. But we were getting up every hour or so to pop the pacifier back in. So we decided to go "cold turkey."

The first night, he cried and cried for about 1.5 hr while we held him and rocked him back to sleep. I think he cried until we ended up giving him a bottle anyways. It was really hard to hear him cry, but we didn't think he was sleeping all that well anyways since he was waking up so much. He didn't wake up until morning after that.

The second night, it took about 45 min. to calm him back down and back to sleep. Again, didn't wake up again. The third night I think it was only about 15 min. I don't think he woke up after that again, and we all got some sleep!

Of course, it was short-lived, since it was teething, waking up to crawl/walk after that... sigh...

[caro]

I was (still am) mostly anti-pacifier for our family, but I tried to get my daughter to take one once in desperation. She was five months old and teething and wanted to nurse and nurse and nurse and nurse all night long, and I fished out the one they'd given us at the hospital and tried to get her to take it.

She refused it over and over. Finally I ended up sucking on it myself and found it totally soothing. Fearing I'd develop an addiction, I threw it in the garbage the next morning.

[pnuts mama]

my daughter will probably go to grad school with her binky, and i am OK with that. she has always used one since the beginning (thank you AMA for changing your guidelines and recommending them against SIDS!! yay for abandoning the mommyguilt on that one!) and now by 21 months she only gets one for sleeping or if we are out and she is tired/cranky. i have been cutting back gradually for a few months now, and even though she would prefer having it during the day (if she finds one she'll pop it in) it's more a toy now than a soother. if she remembers to ask for it, usually i'll say "why do you want the binky? you're a big girl now!" and try and distract her with something else.

plus, my kid has a serious oral fixation, everything goes in her mouth, everything. when i used to nurse her in the beginning, i needed the binky to do the old bait-and-switch- finished nursing but still wanted to suck constantly (she didn't have any reflux, etc issues, just liked to suck), i told my friends i was the worlds largest pacifier, and i needed to be sterilized once in a while too! she slept in a co-sleeper, so if she lost the bink i could fish around and get it back to her with no problem, once she was in the crib we kept a few in there, and by a year (maybe earlier?) she would suck to sleep, lose it and not wake up for it again. plus we had a small night light at that point to help her/us find it. i also had a little bunny clip with a ribbon that velcros the thing to her shirt/coat when we'd be in the car, but she learned how to undo the velcro and throw the bunny, so we abandoned that a while back.

in conclusion? pacifier= BOON to society. i regret the time when in my moronic pre-mommy days i looked down on moms with babies/kids with pacifiers. what a dummy i was. i love the binky!

[Linda]

I find it interesting the judgment that I get from others for using pacifiers. Wasn't there recently a SIDS study that showed pacis were good? It's definitely one of those areas (like breastfeeding, making your own baby food, etc) where some people get all high-and-mighty.

Anyway, my twins are almost 3 and have used pacis forever. Like people above said, when you have two at the same time, there is a lot of waiting that goes on and it helps immensely when you still have about 15 minutes left to nurse Baby 1 and Baby 2 is starting to squawk. We are switching to big girl beds in the next month and will toss the pacis at the same time (with discussion). I expect a couple nights of horror, but oh well. It's the price we pay for all those hours of silent happiness.

[Linda]

I forgot to mention that at around a year we limited pacis to bedtime/naptime only.

[DaniGirl]

Oh, how timely - I just blogged about getting my three-year-old to give up his nighttime soother today.

Both of my boys have been soother junkies, but restricted to only nap and bedtime soothers since they were a year or so old.

With my oldest, when he was three we brought him to the toy store and used the soothers to "buy" a toy he dearly wanted (in his case, a Gordon tank engine.

With my youngest, I fear we'll simply have to 'lose' them one day, because I don't think he's going to be able to choose to give them up himself. I've gotten some good comments from others today on the subject, if you want to drop by. http://momm-eh.blogspot.com/2007/04/pulling-plug.html

[Charisse]

1 child, would not touch a paci for love nor money (we tried!) nor any other non-mommy sucking object. Did drink from a sippy cup starting about 6 months. Got very attached to a lovey starting about 4 mos & has slept with him ever since. Interestingly, adopted a secondary one when her best toddler friend moved away when they were both 2 1/4. Used to take the lovey to daycare for naps and sometimes use him when feeling unsure, but now he pretty much stays at home in the bed.

I probably would have had freakouts of guilt about not getting her to take a paci if hte SIDS guidelines then had been what they are now.

[Another Erin]

Interesting that people are getting guilt for using the paci - here in the city of brotherly love, folks are *constantly* asking where my baby's paci is. Sometimes the tone is inquisitive; more often it is accusatory (as in, how could you deprive that baby so?) And believe you me, if she would consent to using a paci, I would happily provide one. Sending her to college with a paci seems like a minor trade-off to make for having such a tool at my disposal now. I swear, next kiddo is getting a paci before we even get out of the delivery room.

[Annika]

I didn't plan to give my son a pacifier. When he was four weeks old and breastfeeding was going well, I changed my mind and allowed my MIL to buy a few because my fingers (and my husband's fingers) were NUMB from the sucking. He loved his pacifier. LOVED IT. But never woke up looking for it. If he woke up, he wanted to nurse. When he turned four months old, he spit it out and never took one again. On the one hand, I was relieved that I will not have to worry about weaning him off it. On the other hand, I really could have used the relief when he started teething and nursing ALL NIGHT.

[Kathy B.]

Did your baby use a pacifier? Briefly - and only to go to sleep. (She didn't "wear" it all day.)

For how long? 3 months

How did you get rid of it? She tossed it out of the crib, I gave it back to her, she again tossed it out of the crib. Didn't give it back to her. She cried a little, so I picked her up and we cuddled until she settled down, put her back into her bed (drowsy, but not asleep) she went to sleep without it and never had one again. (We had to amend the bed-time routine for a few days with more cuddling and rocking in order to divert the pacifier craving, but cuddling and rocking is never a bad thing!!! After 3 days she didn't miss it at all.)

and was it hard or easy? Easy

If you got rid of the pacifier sometime in the 3-5-month range, how did you do it? See above. Actually, my ped had said that the best time to take it away is about 3 - 4 months; their "need" for it abates at that age; after that it is a habit. The longer you wait, the more difficult it is to take away.

Just .02 from an old lady (who is very opinionated about pacifiers and toddlers walking around with a bottle hanging out of their mouth!!!)

[Jo Ann]

Another first-time commenter here! This is a topic that's been on my mind a lot lately, especially since my sister just had her first baby. In our house:

Child 1 never took a paci, never sucked her thumb or fingers, slept like a dream from 6 months on.

Child 2 wouldn't take a paci, but we never gave up trying to force it on her b/c she was a lousy sleeper. Finally at about 12-15 months she *started* taking the paci and we were pretty pleased about how things went after that. By age 2.5 she had a noticeable self-soothing routine which consisted of paci + hair twirling. But a couple of months ago, when I tried to take advantage of this to "force" her to take an afternoon nap, she started rejecting the paci outright. Darn little monkey just wants control!

She has now given it up for daycare naps (just 2 days/week) because she is a "big girl", but she goes back and forth between big girl and baby when at home. And I let it happen just because I need my sleep! I figure we'll start ditching it for good when she turns 3 in July.

[liphovela]

My son never used a pacifier. I did not really try to get him to, though. He discovered his thumb at about 5 months and his lovey kicked-in around then too.

Now that he is almost 2, the lovey remains important. I don't restrict it's use really. It helps him calm down after a head bump or a freak-out.

I'm not saying it is causal but he is very verbal, always "sportscasting" what he is doing.

[Megan]

I didn't introduce a binky until my son was 4-5 weeks old, and he absolutely refused every kind I tried. Not sure whether he would have tried it if we'd introduced it earlier. (Had a very heated discussion at the time with my MIL about why we weren't using a pacifier...sigh.)

We wished he would have taken one, because he didn't find his fingers for quite a few weeks, and was the world's worst sleeper at the time. (Still is, come to think of it.)

I figured either fingers or pacifier was fine. I was just glad he could soothe himself somehow. But none of that compares to mommy's 2 large pacifiers! LOL...he's a boob man all the way. :o)

P.S. I do cringe a bit when I see a toddler with a pacifier out and about, though. It bugs me, although I'm not sure why.

[hedra]

A couple of notes:

1) The SIDS recommendation is pretty clear - if your baby doesn't like a paci, there is not enough benefit from them to force the issue. If they do take one, let them have it for bedtime/sleeps. That's the difference, right there. Babies who have pacis at sleep time (no distinction in location, cosleeping, etc.) have a slightly but statistically sound lower SIDS rate. Still note that they say it IS NOT worth the fret if they won't take it. Benefit, but marginal.

2) The nursing issue. The best study I read was that if breastfeeding is going well, there is no issue with pacis. Use them, or not, no biggie. If there are feeding issues, proceed with caution (that is, talk to an LC to make sure you're handling the feeding issues), because babies with a feeding issue who use a paci (issues like poor latch, over/under-supply, etc., etc) tend to wean or be weaned much earlier than babies with feeding issues and *no* paci.

By the by, I never got anything but praise publicly for not having pacis in my kids mouths. But like a lot of folks are noting on my favorite blogs recently, I can't exactly attribute that result to me! And I also try to give encouraging/supportive smiles to moms of toddlers with them, on the grounds that they likely get enough grief elsewhere, and I sure as heck don't know their backstory! The last thing a mom with a problem needs is someone dissing her or glowering at her about her baby's pacifier addiction - and I never know when the mom in question has way more troubles than me...

(I'm not far from the city of brotherly love, and ... way anti-paci around here, culturally!)

[Amy]

We have no issues at all with our 8-month-old daughter's love affair with her paci. She literally looks at it adoringly, coos to it, turns it over and over with her fingers, sucks on the handle, the nipples, the bottom edge, chews on it in one corner of her mouth like a farmer with a piece of straw ... we figure it makes her feel better, and at least she isn't developing a finger-sucking habit. We can take away the paci when it's time, but we aren't anxious to figure out when that time will be.

We did struggle through the awful weeks of paci falling out all. night. LONG. Our solution was to let our daughter play with and handle her paci during the day, so that she eventually learned how to turn it around and pop it into her own mouth. Now she can find her paci (or one of the several strewn around her crib) in the dark with her eyes still closed (I've watched her do it). We only give it to her when she's ready for a nap or bedtime, or if she just seems to need some extra soothing.

I really don't get the problem with pacifiers - if it isn't that, it's a thumb or a dirty ol' lovey of some kind or hair chewing or something ... (maybe I'll be eating my words in a couple of years if she refuses to nap without one, EVER, but I've learned to focus more on what she needs right now than worry about what habits I may or may not be creating for the future)

[Shelley]

I remember this phase well, and IIRC there wasn't much help for it but to suffer through it until she was old enough to find it and put it back in her mouth. Once she could do that, we found putting those net guards designed to keep kids from getting limbs stuck in crib bars did wonders for keeping the paci from falling out of the crib.

Amazing the number of people that feel entitled to make a negative remark about a baby using a paci, though. That was the source of many a mommy-drive-by-comment. My favorite was the passive-aggressive approach: "Oh my, what a pretty little baby! I just wish I could see more of her face." Why do people DO that?

She's 3 now, and very attached to her paci at bedtime and naptime... her pediatrician says it's absolutely not a problem so I'm fine with it and won't attempt to take it away from her until she indicates she's ready to do it herself. It just sits in her mouth as she sleeps, she only sucks on it when she's soothing herself to sleep. Occasionally she'll ask for one for a few minutes in the cuddle-and-sniff period after a major tantrum, and then she'll present it to me and ask me to put it in my pocket, and we go about our business.

[Becky]

I have my own sleep issues
with my very stubborn one year old boy which are unrelated to binkies.
Anyhow, a good friend of mine had a binky addicted child. He lost his
binky at night, so they gave him two to hold, he would eventually lose
those, so they planted a couple around the crib. It took a while, but
eventually, they worked up to one in the mouth, two fistfuls, a small
tupperware full of them in the corner of the crib, and a liberal
spreading of loose ones around the edges. Out of control? Yes. Baby
who can always find a binky and go back to sleep on his own? Yes.
Happy parents. Si senorita! BTW The child is now seven, was totally
pacifier weaned when he was about four, has beautiful teeth, and sleeps
wonderfully all by himself. He was listening to the telling of the
binky story, though, and admitted a little wistfully that he would
still kind of like to have one sometimes... (and before anyone judges,
he was breastfed past 18 months and gave it up on his own; just a
little guy with a big need to suck!)

[Moxie]

Mimi, the monkey training ranch is stalled at the gate until I win the MegaMillions.

Stacylane, 4 months is too early to know how it's going to end up. It's totally normal for a baby to want to sleep next to an adult at that age, but plenty of babies have a window around 6 months when they seem to sleep better alone, so you may end up having no problems whatsoever moving her out.

IME, ther'es no real way to force a pacifier on a baby who really doesn't want one. Or maybe my kids are just extraordinarily stubborn.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should say that I sucked my thumb until I was eleven (11) years old. No dental problems and I very rarely have problems falling asleep, and seem to be within the normal range of intelligence and mental health...

[Cassie]

There is an additional argument for earlier weaning from pacifier use (in addition to the "it's easier earlier" argument). A study from Finland found intensive pacifier use after 6 months is a risk factor in acute middle ear infections:

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/reprint/106/3/483

And the reason you want to avoid childhood ear infections (other than the obvious discomfort issue!) is that they are linked to speech and language problems (Golinkoff and Hirsh-Pasek have a nice bit on this in their book "How Babies Talk" -- which, incidentally, is a really lovely and very accessible book for anyone who's interested in the process by which babies discover language). For any of you who've had ear infections as adults, this will make sense: When your ear is infected and full of gunk, you can't hear the full range of sounds -- it sounds like your head is under water, or you have cotton wool in your ears. Now imagine what would happen if your hearing was like that during a period when you were meant to be doing a lot of language learning -- like from 6 months on -- it's pretty clear that would impact on your language development.

Oh, and I think it's been found that for some reason prolonged thumb-sucking doesn't have the same effect, but I can't find the reference for that.

And I have to add that in the UK, pacifiers are called "dummies" (short for "dummy tit/teat" -- nothing like calling it like it is!) which led to a woman on the bus asking me if my son was "a dummy boy" -- I so wanted to reply "No, he's quite intelligent, thank you!"

[Jen]

I have a 15 month old who uses her binkies at naptime and bedtime only, (and occassionally on a long car ride to keep the freakin' peace). She's pretty attached, but can easily find them at night and sleeps VERY well. (She also rarely needs them after she falls asleep if they do fall out).

I have real discomfort when I see happy little toddlers in the grocery store with a binky in their mouth, talking behind it. At that age, it just disturbs me to see their language getting jumbled up by the binky. But I am interested to hear why parents of completely content toddlers allow them to have the pacifier anyway outside of sleeping? (I know it's a boon when they're completely freaking out... but when they're happy?)

My kid is a stellar talker already, so it hasn't delayed her speech

She is prone to ear infections, but she's had them since 3 months old. So that was an interesting note. Though she is decidedly fine on language development.

She's had a pacifier since she was two days old. She nursed up to a year, (and weaned herself because she was in love with the sippy cup), but that was plenty long enough for me.

I think pacifiers are really awesome baby things, but like anything, it's all in moderation.

Here's a question, though... my daughter is going through EXTREME separation anxiety at this point, (so much that I've taken to "wearing" her occassionally, and allowing for lots and lots of snuggle time, but nothing's really helping). ANyway, we've joined a gym and they have a great nursery, but she freaks out. Would introducing the pacifier as a transitional object be a bad thing? (Would it even help?)

[Julie]

Jen, we are going through the same thing. I feel strongly that the paci is only for sleep times.....but lately with how needy he is and how panicked he becomes if I even begin to walk in a different direction from him, I've broken down and the paci seems to help - especially if he's in a new situation. I heard somewhere that pacis are considered "loveys" and that makes sense to me. He doesn't have a lovey......nothing he's attached to that he goes to for comfort.....except his paci. He asks for it when he's tired, when he's upset and needs to calm himself down, and definitely in unfamiliar situations.

At our gym we tried dropping him off at the nursery there....he wailed for about 10 minutes (I could hear him in the lobby) but then he popped his paci in and he was able to calm down. The daycare worker was unable to put him down....but sucking away he was resigned to wait it out.

While I agree that it's not ideal to have a toddler walking around with a paci in (is it that glazed look they sometimes get from being so soothed all the time? The garbled talking? Hard to say)...I am a firm believer that in extreme situations (separation anxiety, sickness, teething, etc.) it is an acceptable form of soothing. To answer your first question, it's entirely possible the "content" toddler is only content when the paci is in the mouth....if it's close to lunch or naptime and they're doing the grocery shopping.....it can turn on a dime if the paci is popped out.

thanks for mentioning the baby wearing...you reminded me I need to go out and get a toddler size sling b/c I think he would really like to be worn more. I know my arm and hip are wearing out FAST b/c he hardly ever lets me put him down. I keep reminding myself how special this time is and how in a few years I won't be able to convince him to spend this much time with me and I know I"ll miss it.

[Shelley]

...for some reason I feel compelled to add that I was at the mall yesterday with my 3-y-o, and the two of us were having a difficult day. Through a minor miracle I was able to quell a tantrum before it got out of control. She asked for, and got, a paci. If I'd gotten a judgmental look or comment at that point, I think I'd have blown my stack.... we'd all do well to keep our judgments to ourselves on such things, as Hedra says there's no way to know anyone's backstory!

[generic viagra]

I suspect I really lucked out in this department, but maybe my experience will be useful to someone . . .
With my oldest used a pacifier (NUK) religiously. When he was about 18mos-2, we decided that pacifiers were for bedtime, and he could have it whenever he wanted, provided he was in bed. It worked very well for us, and I think somewhere around 3.5 years old we stopped replacing them, and gradually they all got lost or destroyed and (thankfully) he didn't notice that they'd gone away.

[aciphex 20mg]

It worked very well for us, and I think somewhere around 3.5 years old we stopped replacing them...aciphex 20mg