Two Follow-Up Questions about WOHMing

More questions for you. (You are all so helpful!):

In the comments, Charisse asked if people would post how many kids they have, old their children are, and how long the morning routine takes.

By email, Lisa asked if we'd share what kind of childcare arrangement we have and how we decided on it and how it's working out for us.

My answers:

I have 2 kids who are 5 years and 22 months. The routine has been taking 90 minutes from the second they wake up, but I think it would expand to as much time as I gave it. I maybe could do it in 60 minutes if I had to. But who knows, since it's barely been a week.

My childcare arrangement is a combo of a babysitter who comes to our apartment and their dad having some half-days this week. Then there will be some vacation time, then a full-time babysitter at our apartment.

For us it's pretty much the only option because in our part of NYC the waiting list for an acceptable daycare is 3-6 months. And my 5-year-old is in school 3 afternoons a week, so we'd have to jerk him out of that to go to daycare anyway. There is no home daycare (which would probably be my first choice otherwise) in this part of the city, so that's not an option. We're sucking up the cost (which is astronomical but not that much different than two in daycare would be), but it makes things waaaay easier for me since the kids don't have to be dressed and I don't have to pack bags for them before I leave. They like to eat when they first get up, but the rest is just conflict resolution.

Now you share.

(This post written at 9:30 pm, right after I picked out my outfit--lingerie and all--for tomorrow and assessed my lunch situation for tomorrow.)

Comments

[ikate]

I put my child's info in yesterday's post along with our morning routine. Here's our daycare situation:
The girl goes to a daycare at a church directly across the street from the school I work at. She's one of 4 babies in the 3-6 month room with 2 care-givers. Dad works in another city, about a 45 min commute so I do 99% of the drop-off/pick-up. He occasionally picks her up when he leaves work early.
We picked this center while pregnant since I knew I wanted to breastfeed and figured with her across the street I could go and feed her myself at lunch. (Of course, they met all the other standards - great caregivers, clean facility, low child to teacher ratio, etc.) We were very fortunate to make this selection since, despite months of battles to get her to take a bottle, she still won't take anything but me. So I have to go feed her 3 times a day. Any other location would have made this impossible. I'm also very lucky to have a supremely understanding boss who allows me to go BF for 1 1/2 hours each day.
We looked into an at home sitter/nanny and the price wasn't too much more then the daycare, however, for me, I wasn't comfortable with the situation. I guess I was paranoid and would have ended up with "nanny-cams" all over the house. Plus with the feeding situation, she would have to drive the 15-min each way to my office three times a day which is just too much time in the car.
We also explored two highly recommended at their home sitters (this was actually our first option) but it wasn't realistic for us. Both took 3 weeks of vacation each year, so we would be forced to use OUR vacation at the same time. One only watched kids during the school year (mostly teacher's kids) which isn't helpful when you work full-time year-round. The sitter getting sick was also problematic, again forcing you to take time off or scramble to find alternative care. I also got that paranoid feeling again. There was no one to oversee the day and no parents "popping in". That kind of freaked me out.
Overall, 6 months into this we are very happy with our choice and daycare has gone from our last choice to "we are so happy with this decision." It works for our situation, finances, and conscience. I love seeing my girl 3 times a day and the fact that she's so close if something happens.
All that said, the daycare is in an extremely fundamentalist christian church and we will be moving her to a different program after weaning at about a year. Once the kids are 18 months they go to daily chapel and study the bible which is not something I want for the girl, so we are already looking for new options, although this time location won't be a huge deal.

[Jezer]

I had an arrangement somewhat like this when Al was very small, when I first returned to work. The in-home care arrangement is infinitely easier than having to get the kid(s) dressed, fed, packed and out the door PLUS taking him/them to daycare, giving the teacher a rundown of the night, hugs/kisses, and back on the road (street) to work. Take heart.

One thing that might be helpful (something that I love about out-of-the-home daycare) will be to keep sort of an interactive journal (not the online kind, a notebook kind)--leave instructions and/or important information for the babysitter, and in turn, have her/him leave a report of foods eaten, naps, potty problems/successes, what kind of play they participated in, etc.

It's a great way to know what's happening (I find that verbal reports leave too much opportunity for forgetting) and you have a written record of cute/funny things that can go in the baby book--this part was an unexpected advantage of the written daily report.

[meghan]

I haven't been commenting much lately since I became a FT WOHM myself 6 weeks ago! Cole turned 2 this month, and goes to daycare in a private Montessori school not far from where I work. He has been going there for months, so we used to split the commute when I was consulting PT. Now that I work 5 minutes from the school, I do the pick up and drop off.

I have always been a morning person and am very low maintenance. We are out of the house 20-35 minutes after we get up! I accomplish this by showering at night, picking out my clothes, and having my coffee and breakfast once I reach my desk. However, my husband works from home, so I am able to devote all of those 20 minutes to getting myself together while he dresses Cole. Cole also likes to snack in the car, which gets him fed before we get there.

If the showering at night would work for you, Moxie, it really is a time saver!

[enu]

Arranging adequate (not even talkin' excellent) safe, legal, etc. childcare in the US is a nightmare, no question about it. It's every Mom (or Dad... but.... usually Mom and that's part of the problem) for herself. And even if one can afford the childcare on one's wages there's those nagging questions: Is your sitter legal to work here, is s/he having the proper taxes stuff done, what about insurance, and what do you do if s/he up and leaves all-of-a-sudden, and how do you know your caregiver isn't pathological (Please don't ask me why I have all these questions - let's just say life has a way of teaching you things you never intended to study...)

To continue in Debbie Downerdom, I was just having an email conversation with a Mom who is brilliant, accomplished, and doesn't even have "little" kids any more. But childcare issues are still the thing that seems to be weighing heaviest on her mind. Because you really can't leave a 14 year old on his/her own for the summer, and summer plans, which, in competitive parenting arenas like the Bost-Wash corridor need to be made by January at the latest, have an alarming tendancy to fall through in, say, March or May. And there's all these tempting programs for kids but no way to get them there or back every day because they are not set up to be convenient to a 8-5 work schedule! NYC is actually better than the burbs for this, since a teen could potentially get her/hisself around with public trans.

Moxie, I'm not trying to bring you down. You know I wish you the best and I'm pretty damn sure you'll succeed in all your endeavors. But the childcare thing is hard, hard, hard. And it can up and bite you in the butt when you least expect it.

I'm glad you're raising this question because it's always good to see not only what options are out there and what creative arangements folks come up with, but also how ridiculous it is that any parent who needs childcare needs to do these sort of contortions to arrange it.

[KAMI]

My daughter is 17 months old. She attends a daycare about 5 minutes from my office, so I do all drop-off/pick-ups. We totally scored, as this place has amazing staff, is huge and beautifully maintained, with indoor gyms, computer rooms, theatre, etc., and they also supply freshly prepared meals and snacks(on-site kitchen) as well as all diapers. All I have to do in the morning is get her dressed and give her a bottle. She prefers to eat after she's been up for a while, but might snack on some fruit on the ride in.

Getting ready takes us about 60 minutes in the morning. The ride in is about 40 minutes, so we (mostly she) talk and sing or listen to CD stories. It takes about 5 minutes to drop her off and fill out her daily chart (she's drama free).

All in all, I am extremely happy with this arrangement, and very nervous about what will happen when I'm on mat leave again in the fall.

[Linda]

I have twin girls who are almost 3 and one baby in the oven.

I work part-time, 24 hours/week, on weekend nights. That means my husband is the primary caregiver on weekends. I do, however, need a babysitter on Friday afternoons and Monday mornings so I can catch up on my sleep. I use Grandma one day and a friend the other.

Our morning routine takes an hour comfortably (once I'm up and showered), but I've done it in 30 minutes if I take breakfast with us.

[PumpkinMama]

Kiddos are Boy-3.5yrs and BabyGirl-3 mos. I'm only 3 weeks into work again after maternity leave. Right now it takes me an hour from when my alarm goes off to walking out the door. I am doing it alone in the mornings, as DH is up and out of the house long before we get up. Caveat is I work part time so I only do this 3x week, otherwise I'd be dead meat. We live about 20 miles from where we work, with Boston-area traffic mixed in, we have long commutes.

Out of bed just before 6am, off to shower (with baby in bouncy seat if she has started stirring). On way out of shower, wake Boy, bring him in "the big bed" to watch Barney while I get myself dressed and groomed. Baby then gets changed/dressed then Boy. All downstairs, make breakfast for Boy (I eat at work) and nurse baby while he eats. Also, pack up fresh cooler for pumping milk at work, everything else packed and ready to go by the door the night before. Like I said in prior comment, if all goes smoothly we actually have time to spare before we need to leave, so I can relax and be playful with Boy and take our time getting shoes and coats on, which is nice because it averts meltdowns. Out to car by 6:55.

Arrive at home daycare near my work for Baby around 7:40, drop her off, chat with care provider, herd Boy back out the door, into car over to my work 15min away, which is in same building as Boy's preschool. Typically at my desk by 8:15 or so.

Reverse routine for coming home - have been getting in the door at end of day shortly after 6pm (after leaving office at 4:45pm). They are very long days, and DH is going to be altering his schedule so that he can participate more on the pick-up end.

[Cat, Galloping]

My son is 17 months and the morning routine takes just over an hour, but it can be shorter if we can get ready before the kid wakes up. Unfortunately, the noise of us getting up often wakes him up.

We have a terrific nanny who has been very reliable. The best thing I ever did was include family laundry in her responsibilities (the only duty not child-related). She does one load every day, which is no big deal for her and a HUGE help for me.

[PumpkinMama]

Oh (after reading Enu's comment) - and I'd like to add that the cost of 2 in daycare is positively insane. Our monthly childcare costs now exceed our monthly mortgage payments.

[Kristine]

My son is almost 6 months old. His babysitter is a cousin of my husband's. They live about a mile from our house. I do not reliably get up every morning on time, I hit snooze a LOT, and depending on how many times he woke me up the night prior. At it's best, my morning routine takes about 30 minutes, at it's worst an hour.

[Bobbi]

I have 4 kids now, ages 7, 5, 19 months and 3 weeks. I was a WOHM until the end of last May (so at that time I had a 6, 4 and 9 month old). We had always used in home daycare - some good and a couple not so good. We managed it all by me working 2nd shift and DH working first. This meant that morning routine was mine and evening was all his, as the kids were all in bed when I got home. At the time, I had one in 1st grade, one in preschool and a baby, so morning meant nursing around the drop off schedule (2 different schools that both started at 8 am), getting breakfast for the big kids and backpacks ready, dropping off (we were lucky enough to be able to drop off my oldest anytime after 7:15), feeding the baby, and then I could get ready. Then I'd picj up my son from preschool and drop off at the sitters. My oldest did an extended day program at school and my husband got to pick up everyone, do homework and dinner and baths and bedtime stories. Man typing it all made it seem psychotic, but we just did it. Once the routine was established, we just went through the motions. The worst of it for me was kicking everyone out the door (man my daughter is POKEY) and then not seeing them until the next day. But we spoke on the phone a lot...

We discovered that my salary, while decent, was barely enough to cover 3 in fulltime daycare for the summer so I quit at the end of the school year last year, and we made it work. Thank God, because with one more baby in the mix, I don't know how we'd have done it. It worked for us, but there was a lot of bickering between my husband and me about who forgot to do what (inevitable, I know).

The truth is, every family finds a groove that works for them. Depending on career choices and kids/parents personalities, that groove can be so different from one family to the next. I'm finding it so interesting reading about how we all get it done...

[SK]

My son is 22 months old. He goes to a center day care about 10 minutes from our house. The day care provides all meals from an on site kitchen. I wake up at 6, wake my husband at 6:30 and the boy at 7. We leave the house at 7:15-7:30 depending on how much my husband dawdles (we both do drop-off, then go our separate ways to work).

For comparison's sake, I'm pretty low maintenance (but I take long showers), so pre-baby I could be out the door in 45 minutes from alarm time.

I don't do anything to prep the night before. I eat breakfast and make lunch before I wake the boy. My husband makes lunch and occasionally eats breakfast while I'm dressing the boy. I bring a cup of milk for the boy to drink while we're getting dressed and in the car on the way to school. They usually start serving breakfast at school just as we arrive.

We do pick-up based on who get there first. That varies based on traffic and work schedules.

[Amanda]

I have a 5 month old who goes to an in-home daycare about 5 minutes from where each of us work (we don't work at the same place, but close proximity). We alternate drop-off/pickup so that if I drop off, he picks up and vice-versa. It works pretty well, we like our provider and she gives us sufficient notice when she's taking time off. Both my husband and I can work from home when necessary and we have a close SAHM friend who is our back-up when we can't cover (hasn't happened yet in the nearly 4 months he's been in daycare).

It takes us 60-90 minutes to get out the door, and is highly variable. If pushed, we can do it in 45 minutes but that doesn't happen very often. I don't do anything the night before, but do eat breakfast at work instead of at home or on the way.

[Jillian]

My son is 22 months old and he is at a local but national-chain type (NAEYC accredited)Day Care facility every weekday, approx 8am to 5:30pm. The facility isn't perfect but it is quite good. (We had a yucky one last year where it was mostly custodial care and at least in this one there are actual activities instead of just, "here kids, those are toys, go play...") It is expensive, though. *For anyone who can, I HIGHLY recommend looking into Dependent Care pre-tax savings accounts! A max of 5,000 pre-tax a year can be set aside specifically for a recognized child care facility. Depending on your tax bracket, this can be a HUGE savings!*

Morning routine *should* be (that is, when it is at its best...)
- Night before, make all lunches and snacks for me, son, unload dishwasher, fold laundry and pack all bags for the next day - as much as possible since sometimes I do work in the morning
- I wake up 5:30am. Here's how it *should* work: I go directly into the shower, no coffee yet, no computer, just shower and brushing teeth, putting on face moisturizer by 6am.
- If I'm ready to really begin the day by 6am, then I am golden! I get a little bit of "me" time to read ny times online, make a good breakfast (Weight watchers is really working for me when I make a 3-egg-white omlette w/ mushrooms - only 2 points!!)
- Son starts to stir about 6:50am and hubbie or I go into him by 7am. His clothes were laid out the night before as were his diaper changing supplies. He wants to play a little first so the morning dressing/diaper routine for him is 30 mins.
- I like to get to work early, so if son is agreeable, I bring is breakfast with us to daycare. Daycare has a strict cut off time of 8am for ending breakfast so if I can get him to daycare (I'm lucky - just a 5 min ride away) by 7:45 then he can eat bfast there. Otherwise, bfast at home.

Okay, so that is how it *should* work... lately... I groggily get out of bed closer to 6am, go downstairs for coffee, make breakfasts, assemble lunches, chat with hubbie. I go back upstairs 6:45or 7 and when I'm showering hubbie does all the morning routines with son. I'm back down about 7:40am where I either help son finish bfast or attempt to rush the two of us out the door to daycare so he'll eat bfast there. It has been exhausting lately! I also think the lack of a lot of AM playtime son has been having is impacting his sleep -- he cries out for, "mama dada, mamadada, MAMA DADAAAAAAH!" in the middle of the night, something he used to only do when he was ill. He just wants to be held for 5 min or so and then will go back to bed. So I'm going to make a big effort beginning next week to go back to the 5:30am thing and get "on the ball" with schedule.

Some have posted that its easy to stick to a routine when you have it... unfortunately, it is also easy to get into the non-routine rut and keep paying the consequences!

Oh - and one final note, I have to say that I disagree with the many posts yesterday about short hair. When I had my hair short it actually took longer in the AM to get ready b/c I had to style it. Since my hair is straight, when it is long, it is easy to put up into a professional-looking low ponytail or formal-ish headband type thing. 2 mins after shower on the hair is all I need! And in terms of makeup, moisturizer, face anti-shine powder, blush, and tinted chapstick. That's it.

Sorry for such a long post!

[iheartnewyork]

We have two kids -- 8 y.o. and 6 y.o. -- both in school. Although the 6 y.o. is in kindergarten and has 3 full days and 2 half days.

The "get out of the house" routine takes me about 45 minutes each day -- by deploying all the tips I mentioned yesterday.

We have a full-time babysitter -- we're very lucky and have had the same wonderful caregiver for almost 6 years. Yes, it costs a fortune. But the peace of mind. It cannot be bought. My kids are in their own home (before/after school, can have playdates, after school activities, etc.).

I used a daycare center for my 8 y.o.'s first year of life and it didn't work for us. Then we shared a babysitter with another family for two years. That also was great -- but it has to be the right other family and the right hours and the right sitter, etc.

I wholeheartedly agree with Jezer's comment above about a journal for you and your sitter. We used to just use a pad of paper to write notes back and forth to each other. This year, with school, everyone's schedules got much more complicated so we started using this book: http://www.busybodybook.com/ It is really excellent -- has helped us stay organized and on top of things.

[Fahmi]

My son is now 14 months old. I've (mom) been home with him up until 2 weeks ago. My new job has an on-site day care which he attended for a week, except we decided that a 3-hour commute everyday (roundtrip) for a toddler is a little much. So we now have a baby-sitter coming to our house everyday. Our neighborhood day cares all have wait lists, too, and many of them wouldn't accept him until he is two, anyway.

Our morning routine is pretty much, get up at 6:40, shower, get dressed, oh! the baby is awake (6:50 or 7). Mom and Dad take turns getting ready so that one of us is around if the baby gets up early. I nurse him for about 30 minutes while daddy finishes getting ready. Since I got ready before the baby got up (if he didn't get up early), I finish up while the baby is getting dressed by daddy. We get breakfast ready together, and then I kiss him goodbye at about 7:40 or so and go. The daddy starts breakfast, and when the babysitter shows up at 8, dad's gone, too. I have the food ready to go the night before, so the bulk of the morning is spent me cuddling with the baby while he nurses. It makes it less hectic than if we were taking him to an alternative childcare destination.

The routine will shift a little next month when my commute gets shorter (yay, subway) and can leave at 8 instead.

It's not ideal, but right now, it's what we are trying to make work. We are thinking of putting him into Montessori in our neighborhood after he turns two. We are talking about getting him on a wait list at a daycare, so we are keeping it in mind.

[christie]

I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only one with crazy mornings -- I love reading about everyone's tips and tricks.

I have twins, almost 4yo. Our morning routine takes about an hour, including some kind of breakfast (sometimes that's dry cereal in a baggie and a straw cup with milk or juice, so it can go in the car), getting one kid dressed (the boy likes to sleep in his clothes), brushing everyone's teeth, and fixing the girl child's hair. DH and I both shower in the AM, so this goes better if we're up before the kids and not getting out of bed at the same time as each other.

A&B are in a daycare center 3 days/wk, national chain, this location is NAEYC accredited. We kept them home until they were 2yrs+, by working opposite shifts. For a while there, DH was going to work at four in the morning, and after two years the arrangement was starting to take a toll on our marriage. We still do staggered shifts 2 days/wk, partly because my current job involves some non-negotiable evening work.

Prior to the center, we took the kids to an in-her-home daycare person... which was just OK. Overall, I'm WAY happy with our daycare situation now. YMMV.

The cost is, yes, quite high (and in fact cost was part of the reason we kept the kids home in the first place - FT care for two infants would have been more than the mortgage). But it IS really worth it -- for them and for me. I think DH could go either way. :)

[Gretchen]

Why I am home now? Three kids in daycare. No way.

When I did work, I was fortunate in that my company had daycare on site. They were competent, well trained, company employees.

It was an excellent situation.

They provided breakfast, lunch and afternoon snack, as well as diapers and wipes in the weekly fee.

Our morning routine didn't take much longer than 30 - 45 minutes - only because I didn't have to feed them. We were generally up by 7, out the door by 7:40, dropped them off at 7:50 and I was at my desk by 8.

We'd park in the parking lot, I'd drop them off in their respective rooms at the daycare, and walk down the hall to my desk.

I'd get off work at 4:30, pick them up at 4:35, leave around 4:45 and be home no later than 5.

I didn't know how lucky I was.

The biggest thing for me was having the kids do as much for themselves as they could - get dressed, brush hair and teeth, etc in the morning. My kids started dressing themselves right around two.

We'd lay out clothes for the next day as part of the evening routine, and they could work on getting themselves dressed while I got myself ready. By the time I was ready, I could tie up any of their loose ends.

As for me? I did as much as I could the night before - laying out clothes, shower and dry my hair.

Transition takes a long time. Before you know it, it will be a streamlined process! Good luck with the new job!

[Charisse]

Awesome! I have one daughter who will turn 3 next month. Right now she goes to a center run by a cross-cultural social service agency. Wonderful loving, smart, caregivers, hot meals, outside space with grass and toddler-size climbing stuff, lots of pre-preschool stuff. Before that she went to a licensed infant homecare a few blocks from our house--that was great too. Lately, the big stress point has been that she ages out and must leave the center when she turns 3...and to tell the truth, she's a little bored now that she's one of the oldest kids--the teachers have been great, but they aren't prepared for 3-year-old activities. She has a spot in a cool Montessori 2 blocks from our house starting June 1. So, from mid-April to June we will have a nanny--which I never thought I'd do, and at exorbitant expense (I mean 1 week is about what a month of full-time preschool will be).

A-ny-way...I've always done most of dropoff as I work downtown while Mr. C commutes to Silicon Valley. I can pre-arrange a few days ahead for him to drive instead of taking a company shuttle and then he can do it...or on Wednesdays when he works at home he can do pickup.

So...I get up about 7:10, shower, do a quick bit of work remotely...wake Mouse about 7:45, while Mr. C in the shower. Spend some cuddle time with her--usually 15 min or so before she's up for hitting the potty and getting moving--while Mr. C makes coffee and breakfast. We usually do a little hanging out/game playing during breakfast, then I quickly dress, and we do Mouse's hair and shoes last thing. We leave about 8:45, walk 1/3 mile to the trainstop, and then it's 2 stops to daycare and 2 more to my work after I get back on. I'm there by 9:30 most days.

[Nancy]

I have 2 girls: a 5 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. Our morning routine takes about an hour, but it helps that I try and do as much as possible the night before (lay out clothes, etc.) Generally while I am getting ready in the AM my husband will get the girls dressed -- we commute together -- and make breakfast. When it's just me in the morning for some reason, it takes a little longer.

We use a daycare center for childcare. When our first daughter was born we didn't know anyone to provide in-home daycare, so we found a center we liked and have kept that arrangement going (although we're on our 3rd center: the first switch was due to a local move and the second due to issues with the center.) When our oldest starts kindergarten in the fall we may switch our arrangement, but we're generally pleased with it.

[Rachel]

I have a 10 month old daughter in a church daycare a 10 min walk from my office. We chose this daycare because my husband commutes 1 hr to a neighboring city and this way I can handle 90% of the pickup/dropoffs. I can also drop in and check on her at lunch and used to drop in to breastfeed.

I was a daycare kid and have strong memories of both a terrific center and a not so great home daycare, so choosing a daycare was one of the most important decisions for me emotionally while pregnant. We toured about 8 and chose this one based on the incredible staff (most have been there more than 10 years) and facilities. I would comment, though that while we're thrilled with the quality of care (8 babies and 3 caregivers in the under 1's and my daugher is very attached to "her" primary caregiver/teacher), I've come to the conclusion that all have some downside. In this case, this church is pretty far from my own belief system (somewhat evangelical christian, husband and I are jewish) and they start religious education with the under 1's (in the form of songs and the tapes playing in the morning). Interestingly, this daycare is pretty cross-culturual when it comes to kid population. I'm told that less than 15% of the kids are christian and I've heard other parents speaking Hebrew to their kids during drop-off. While I realize my daughter is too young to assimilate all of this, it is emotionally hard to drop her off when those tapes are playing in the background. We will certainly be moving her to a further away, but non-denominational daycare when she's 1.5-2 yrs and has better verbal skills.

It takes us 60 min to get out of the house in the morning. I get all our bags ready in the evening, husband packs our breakfast/lunches/coffee while I am in the shower in the morning. Baby gets a bottle and some playtime before we go, but daycare feeds her a solid meal when I drop her off. We eat our breakfasts in the car or at our offices.

[Rayne of Terror]

My son is just over two.

My husband gets up at 6 to drink coffee and shower. I wake up at 6:30 and drink coffee and shower. Henry gets up around 7. I or my husband fix Henry's instant oatmeal. We both take turns hanging out with him while the other gets ready for work. My husband leaves shortly after 7. Henry and I go upstairs together to pick out clothes, get cleaned up (night time bath for him) and brush teeth. We come back downstairs and put on shoes and coats and get our things together for the day. This process is a lot slower now that we are working toward independent dressing and shoes. It takes a lot of "listening ears" and repeated requests. We leave between 7:30 and 8:15 depending on what day of the week it is (whether I have class or work). At least once a week I end up chopping up an apple or bringing a banana and a baggy of cereal in the car if we don't get the oatmeal in.

We chose a private montessori daycare/elementary school. Why? We live in a rural area and there is only one daycare center here and it doesn't take children younger than two. We began child care at 12 months old. I go to school 50 minutes east and my husband works 30 minutes west. I generally have the shorter hours so we looked for daycare between our home and my school. First we looked into the university daycare, but it was very expensive and does not accomodate a law school schedule. (required part time to be T-Th or MWF, my law school clumps classes at one end of the week or the other end of the week.) So the second place I looked was the daycare we chose. It is in a ex-urban community and costs $25 less per week than comparable urban daycares. It is hands down the best nicest childcare in the area. It is located 25 minutes from our home, so Henry is in the car less than an hour a day, while I drive almost 2 hours a day. The is a bachelor degreed teacher in every classroom. It is accredited montessori and that style works really well for Henry.

Why didn't I want a nanny or an in home daycare? I felt that was a less safe option than a daycare facility. I also didn't want Henry to be watching lots of TV during the day. The in home daycares I checked out for occassional child care the year I was home had constant tv watching.

[Amy]

I have a 7 y.o.,4.5 y.o., and one on the way. The older one is in 1st grade and goes to school about 15-20 minutes away. The younger one is in a Montessori School about 5 minutes from our house. The baby will stay with my MIL until 7 mos. and then will go into daycare (haven't yet decided where...)

Morning routine consists of my getting up at 5:15am, I do all my stuff, wake kids up at 6:30am and do all their stuff... we are out the door at 7:15am. (for the record, I do *nothing* the night before... but I'm sure that will need to change when baby gets here b/c I certainly can't get up any earlier!)

Now this is where I'm crazy... I make the 15-20 minute drive to older one's school to drop him off, then drive *back* to my neighborhood to drop the girl off. If I didn't do this, she would be the first one at school and since I have the time to spare before I have to be at work, I'm glad to have the extra time with her. Then I commute another 35 minutes to work. I do the reverse in the afternoon to be home on most days with both kids by 3:45-4pm. It's tiring (and I put MAJOR miles on my car... let's not even talk about the gas). What I like about my schedule is that I get to drop them off when school starts and pick them up when it's over because as a college prof I set my own schedule. When the baby gets here I'll only teach Mon. - Thurs. so I'll have Fridays off with him. I could get a job closer to home, but the schedule wouldn't be as flexible and that's important to me right now. So, commute it is.

I've been really lucky with childcare. I was a SAHM until the younger one was about 16mos. Shared a nanny for a while. Then put them both in Montessori. The first one I chose wasn't as Montessori (despite the name) as the one the younger one is in now. I just love, love, love it. She'll join her brother at his school next year when she goes to Kindergarten, but I would gladly spend the money to put #3 in her current school when he hits the toddler stage.

My decision to do school/daycare over in-home nanny came down to comfort. Like the commenter above, I'm not comfortable leaving small children in my home all day with someone I don't really know (in the shared nanny situation the other family had been using her for quite some time). I'm not claiming bad things can't happen in a daycare situation, but it feels more public to me. For example, in our previous situation we had a teacher who yelled at the kids a lot. My kids adored her and never said anything about it. But another teacher finally blew the whistle. If she'd been alone in my home, we never would have known.

And I'm loving this topic!! Such good advice and tips...

[Melissa]

I have a 7 month old baby girl (and two step sons, one in his first year of college and the other in 6th grade). I work full time (like my job but hate being away for so many hours and HATE pumping but what are you going to do?). Dad is, for the first time in his life, stay at home dad and loving it (and doing a great job). We are mega broke and barely make our mortgage but the alternative was spending his paycheck on childcare so what's the point of him busting balls for that?

I have to get my clothes ready for the next day by 7:30 p.m. (bedtime for wee one). It's really hard to figure out what to wear so many hours ahead but luckily I live in the Pacific Northwest and have a low key job so if it's jeans and a fleece pullover AGAIN well then my wardrobe is full of them and everyone else at work is wearing the same thing so lucky me.

There is no morning routine other than me getting ready for work and trying to be quiet. I sneak out of our upstairs bedroom with babe still asleep (or nurse her back to sleep if the alarm clock wakes her) and that's it. She gets up naturally around 8 (lucky hubby!) but occasionally earlier and then I get to see her briefly before my ride shows up. This isn't so great for her though - then she wants to know where I've gone.

Congrats Moxie on the job! I'll miss your daily posts but it takes me two or three days to read through all the commenters these days anyway and there is always back reading to do as new issues pop up with my little girl. :-)

[hedra]

My kids are 9, 5, 2, and 2 (twins).

Daycare is currently 'school'. The oldest goes to one Montessori school, the other three are in a different (and less expensive) Montessori preschool (the 5-year-old missed the cutoff for K, so he'll be in K next year). DH does the drop-offs in the morning, I do the pickups. We either use my mom or negotiate for sick days and school closings.

Afternoons are in 'aftercare' at their respective schools.

Summer last year was a nanny (as noted by Moxie, in-your-home is pricey, but not as much as multiple kids at a center - four kids is just scary expensive at a center!). This summer my mom and a teen cousin are teaming up to have ALL the local grandkids (6 of them!) at my mom's house. Still pricey, but my mom will also do cool enrichment programs, skills-building (learning to cook is on the list!), etc. Worth it. :) Hopefully with the teenager assist, she'll survive the experience. I know she'll enjoy it, though.

Currently: Morning routine for JUST the kids is 1 hr 15 minutes. I have an hour to an hour and a half more than that (starting earlier, running a smidge later), and DH has an additional half-hour to hour over me (earlier as well).

Note, it took a lot less time to get the kids ready/prepped when care was at our house (and likewise for my mom's house, since we'll deliver food weekly, etc.). It did take a little more to make sure the *house* was prepped, though (making sure art supplies were stocked, snacks in the snack basket, etc.).

Sounds like you've got a good plan, Moxie.

[Leah]

I've a 15 yo and a 15 mo and am pregnant - due in June. My husband as been away at work for 12 weeks and we're just NOW getting in a groove. My mother lives 3 miles away and she takes my toddler during the day. I pay her $300 a month which is just latte/mad money for her (she has 4 school aged kids)- I provide the majority of his food plus diapers/wipes, etc. My toddler doesn't want to eat first thing and getting him dressed isn't priority (he can go in PJs) so I drop him off at Grandma's (15 yo runs him in while I feed the horses), we drive 15 minutes to the high school, drop kid off, another 15 minutes to my work.

I really want to get a in-home babysitter/nanny in August when I'm expected to return from maternity leave but most people I know would want to be paid under the table (no agencies around here) and I can't expense that for taxes. Childcare for both babies (20 mo & 8 weeks) is about $1500+/mo (a mortgage payment!)...in a big institutional daycare. I don't really want to put them in a big daycare (too many rules,colds,etc.). And many in-home babysitters, if they're licensed, don't take kids under 3. If they're not licensed, I can't expense it.

So how are you all paying for this? My husband and I make a comfortable living - do we just plan to pay $1500-2000 a month and forget about trying to expense the costs? If that's the case, I want someone to come to the house at 7 am every day, watch the kids and keep the kitchen clean...but how do I go about getting someone reliable? Do I care if they bring their kids along? How about transportation? It seems reasonable that this person would take the babies out occasionally (we live in a rural area). And how much would/should I pay for someone like this? 2 kids, 8 hrs a day, 18 days a month. That's I'm in interior Alaska and generally everything costs more.

I could just add the next baby into my current routine of leave-'em-w/grandma, but that seems a burden (although she insists it's not). I'd like to work out a part-time arrangement - babysitter 2 - 3 days a week and then grandma gets her days inbetween.

A co-worker said that I could just pay them cash as a contractor and they'd be responsible for reporting their income - anybody have any thoughts on this?

[Slim]

I posted on the previous thread. I thought about that this morning as I drove (late) to work.
I have been doing this (variations of this, but still, the WOHM thing) for more than six years, and I am still unfit to give advice.

[Marketing Mommy]

I have a 2 year old daughter and another on the way this summer. We feel very fortunate that my husband can stay home with our daughter 2 days a week and she goes to a home daycare 2 doors away the other 3 days.

It is a very warm, nurturing environment with a variety of ages and at least 2 adults. Many of the kids are their part-time. Home-cooked Mexican food for lunch every day, bilingual staff and a breastfeeding-positive atmosphere are major pluses. The only minus is that the place is a little chaotic and messy sometimes. Oh, and the price is very reasonable compared to center daycare!

I drop off my daughter at 7:45 and my husband picks her up at 5:30. Our morning routine starts when the girl wakes up, which is usually between 6 and 6:30. I hit the shower at 6:30 and Daddy takes her downstairs in her jammies for breakfast, followed by PBS Kids. I bring her clothes down as I come downstairs around 7:00 and get her dressed while she watches TV. (I ALWAYS pick out my clothes the night before.) I have coffee and breakfast and pack my lunch and her diaper bag until it is time to leave at 7:45.

Depending on how long I spend doing the dropoff, I usually have time for a quick stop back at home before I walk to the train station at 8:05.

We're not yet sure how things will work when I return to work after maternity leave. We're adding an infant to the daycare and my husband will be taking our daughter to a Jewish preschool 10 minutes away 3 mornings a week. Whether she will go to the home daycare after preschool or stay at home with Daddy remains to be seen. I think it will be some combination.

[Jen (yup, another one)]

We have an 11 m.o. daughter. One mom (Jen) is WOH 5 days and the other (Cait) is WOH Wed-Fri. Two of the days we need childcare, our daughter goes to my mom's house. The third day she goes to a friend's and in exchange Cait watches the friend's son on Mondays. It's a crazy patchwork, but it's FREE childcare and our daughter is home or with a relative 6 days a week.

The morning routine on the days we all leave the house takes about an hour & 45 minutes but could be tighened up a bit, I'm sure. We're still working on sleep, so the particulars vary with how well we all slept and how much was cosleeping vs. crib. If she's cosleeping she wakes up when we do and that slows us down. If she's crib sleeping we can get more done before she wakes up.

I should spend a little time analyzing how to streamline things in the morning, now that I realize it's an hour and 45 minutes!!

[Rayne of Terror]

We use a pre-tax childcare account to pay for daycare. We put in the maximum and it covers the lions share of the cost. Once a quarter I get a statement from the daycare about our payments, we send it in to my husband's pre-tax account manager, and within a few days the money is direct deposited into checking. We pay almost $9K per year for our beyond excellent center for one child full time.

[Julie]

As I said yesterday, I have a 17 month old son. He and I usually wake up between 6 and 6:30. I go in, feed him his bottle, then put him in his crib to play while I get ready. The whole thing takes a little less than an hour - we are usually out the door by 7:30 at the latest. If he wakes up before 6:30, we have extra time to get stuff done around the house.

I am very fortunate to have my parents watch him while I work. I am an instructional coach for teachers, and the school where I work is 1/2 block away from my parents house. So I drop him off and walk down to work. It was ideal when I was nursing, and when he was little I would sneak up to visit him all the time. Now that he's older, my presence is more distracting to him than helpful, so I usually stay away until after his afternoon nap. My parents watch him M-Tu-Wed. and my husband takes Thurs. off to watch him. I work from home on Fridays (which means I don't get much work done but I have the weekend to get it all done). So we are very fortunate that childcare is 100% free. But it also limits when we can have a second baby, as watching 2 kids would be too much for them, and my son isn't old enough yet for preschool. Timing that so that we start him well before the next baby so he doesn't feel like he's getting dumped for the newest model is going to be tricky.

[Kathy B.]

OK -- I am past this stage, but here are the details from when I was (I have one child.)

From infant until 13 months old: She was cared for by a cousin who had a baby about the same age as mine. I could be more relaxed - if I forgot something, she just supplied it and let me know to replace it. She did not babysit any other children -- she had her two and my one. I honestly don't remember the routine, but I do remember that many mornings she was still asleep when I strapped her into her car-seat.

From 13 months until she was 4 she went to an in-home daycare 5 days a week. Her Dad worked odd hours and never early in the morning, so he took her to daycare in the morning; I picked her up in the afternoon. This worked well on so many levels! For one thing, there was no morning rush getting everybody ready for the babysitter, I could get dressed at my own pace. I'm not sure what his routine was, but it worked for them. The second advantage was that she was in daycare for a minimal amount of time.

Age 4 - Preschool for a year and a half. Routine same as above.

Age 5 1/2 - Started Kindergarden. I sent her to a parochial (Lutheran)school. Her dad took her to school in the morning. By this time she was old enough to get herself ready, so all we really had to do was get her out of bed and she took care of the rest herself. I picked her up from after-school daycare in the afternoon.

Age 12 - 16 (lol) Still at Lutheran Schools, but I am now divorced so I took her to school every morning and picked her up every afternoon. (Thank goodness for an understanding boss and flexible scheduling!)

Age 17 - 18 (LOL) She had her driver's license and she took ME to work and picked me up!!

Finally got her own car and I was out of the chauffeuring business!

One last bit of advice, Moxie -- now that you are working, keep in mind that something has to give; there are only so many hours in the day. We have to pick and choose our priorities and let some things go. (I did a blog post on this a few months ago - see URL link.)

Sorry this was so long! By the way, I think it is awesom that you can have a babysitter come into your home to take care of the boys. I think that is the ideal situation for working moms!

[Michelle]

I have an 8 yr old stepson (we have primary custody) and a 10.5 months old baby boy. We definitely use the divide and conquer method. I get up about 1 hour before we have to head out the door, fix bottle and then hand baby/bottle so dad can feed him and then play pattycake while I am in the shower. After the shower I wrap my hair in a towel and move the baby into his crib for some playtime. I get dressed, blow dry and style hair and put make-up on. Then I lay out the 8yr olds clothes for the day (he and dad could do it but I find their fashion sense questionable at best). Change baby and get him dressed before heading downstairs to pack his food for daycare. I am one of those insane mothers who makes her own mostly organic baby food so the night before I get out cubes of frozen food to thaw for the next day. Throw the food and a couple bottles along with an apple and a snack for me in the bag and we’re off to daycare/work. Since my husband leaves for work a full hour after I do (I have to be at work at the draconian time of 7:30 am), he is in charge of getting the 8 yr old up, giving him his medication and a snack for breakfast and making sure his backpack has everything he needs for school that day.

The baby goes to a fabulous Montessori daycare that is 2 minutes from my office so I do 99% of the dropoffs/pickups. Luckily he is so close by that I also go over at lunch to see him. When he was smaller, I gave him his noontime feeding and rocked him to sleep which was awesome. My stepson goes to an equally awesome before/after school program at his elementary school. His school starts later (9am) so my husband works flex time a couple times a week and just drops him at school rather than the before school program. The baby and I usually pick up the older one at his after school program at little bit before 5 except on Thursdays when dad is in charge of getting him to soccer practice by 4:45 (dad works flex time on that day too). My breakfast is usually some peanut butter toast that I eat in the car and a piece of fruit for later at my desk.

It does get easier when you get into a routine. When I first went back to work, my husband was laid off so he handled all the childcare stuff so I just rolled out of bed, took a shower, got dressed and headed in to work. When my husband got his new position a mere 2.5 months later, I was completely overwhelmed with the idea of getting us all dressed and out the door on time in the mornings but after a few adjustments, we made it work.

I also really appreciate the daily log that I get from the baby’s daycare providers. In the morning when I sign him in, I write down how his night was and what food/snacks I have brought for the day. At the end of the day, I get a summary of how many diaper changes he had and any issues (rash, diarrhea, etc), when/if he took naps and how long they were; when/what and how much of his food he ate and any special activities that he did. The daycare is wonderful but it is definitely expensive. We do have a flexible spending account for childcare but I wish the limit was higher. The $5,00 annual maximum only accounts for about 5 months of the baby’s daycare costs Oh, I almost forgot…the daycare provides cloth diapers in the tuition so parents just take disposables for the end of the day and Friday (I guess that’s the day the diaper service picks up). Actually I usually take a big pack of diapers/wipes in each month and they note on his log if he is running low on anything.

[smashedpea]

Our daughter is almost 22 months and we're expecting #2 at the end of June.

Our morning routine takes 90 minutes - mainly because I'm a slowpoke under the shower.... My husband gets up and showers and does whatever he does while I get up Sophie, snuggle with her and put her on the potty. Then he dresses her, feeds her, brushes her teeth etc. while I shower. I have breakfast while he's still getting her ready. When she's done, she plays or helps put away breakfast dishes. I make my lunch and then we're ready to go - we were faster before I became pregnant, but there you have it....

We drop husband off at the subway and then I drive Sophie to her home care. She loves going there and I always talk to the daycare provider for 10 - 15 minutes before going to work. It's on my way to work, but obviously it still adds time. Works for us, though.

I've changed my working hours so I can leave a half hour early, and I think that was the best thing I could have done. I pick Sophie up, get detailed updates about her day and her development (her daycare provider has a Master's degree in child development and sure knows a lot). Depending on how long we chitchat, we get home between 5:00 - 5:20. Husband comes home just after 5:00 as well - time to catch up, play and prepare dinner. We try to make things that will leave us leftovers so the food preparation time will be cut down, at least for some of the days.

Sophie gets ready for bed by 7:00pm and goes to sleep anywhere between 7:00 and 7:30.

It's hectic and once I return to work from my mat leave with #2, we might try to shorten the morning routine. Neither my husband nor I are capable of having evening showers, so we'll always take a long time in the morning - but we'll be making lunches and picking out the kidlets' clothes the night before. I should also be the one to have a shower first, but I'm not sure I want to - I loooove snuggling with the monkey in the morning. So, I guess unless my husband clues in, we'll leave that part as is :)

I'm actually not sure that we'd want to shorten our morning routine by too much, though. We don't get a lot of time with her in the evening, so we both enjoy the bits of time here and there that we do get, even if it's in the morning. But we'll see what happens when #2 actually gets here....

[Jennifer]

I have a 16 month old daughter. I think it takes about 45 minutes to an hour to out the door--doing most everything the night before. But we also sit down for a quick 15 minute breakfast together.

I'd just like to chime in on the cost of childcare. I'm telecommuting this semester from Utah and am living in the Washington, DC area. Can I just say that I am paying more for my childcare than I am making for income???!!!??? Insane. Of course, this is because I have Utah wages and East Coast expenses. I have a student from the University of Maryland who charges a dollar less per hour than I make after all my taxes are taken out--and I'M ON FACULTY AT A UNIVERSITY. And this is the cheapest solution I could come up with (obviously good day care wasn't an option for such a short term arrangement in DC). It's totally criminal that our society doesn't have a better system of day care options for working families. But I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir so....

Back home, we have a nanny share with another faculty member at our university. So, because my husband (also faculty) and I and this other woman and her husband (WAHD) all have relatively flex schedules, we have a nanny for 3 days a week (we alternate houses by the week) and then take turns staying home on the other two days. This fall we're starting Montessori toddler care for 8 additional hours, which will really be a big relief. By next spring semester we're hoping to finally land a spot in the university lab school. We've been happy with these arrangements in terms of the care our daughter has gotten, but it's been a nightmare trying to schedule and fill in all the gaps. Our work has surely suffered some, but fortunately everyone has been pretty supportive and understanding.

[Shelley]

We have one 3-y-o in daycare three days a week -- I work an 80% schedule, which means I have her T-Th afternoons, and my husband has her those mornings. Daycare mornings, I guess it takes us all an hour to get ready and out. My husband drops her off and I work closer to the house, which means I get an extra 10 min. in the house to myself before I leave to throw in a load of laundry, drink a cup of coffee in peace or whatever.

For getting out of the house, lots of preparation the night before -- like what you said about picking out your outfit the night before. I'm not there yet with my own kid (and it sounds like this doesn't apply to your current situation), but my mom used to have us pick out our outfits for the next day as well.

I also pack my lunch, and if I really have it together, load the coffee maker with water and coffee grounds so all I have to do is push the button. If it's garbage day I take it out to the curb the night before. If there's anything crucial I must not forget, I tape a note to the back door window so I can't possibly miss it on the way out.

[Maman_du_Petrus]

As I said yesterday, our son is 18 months old. Husband, son and I leave in the morning for a daycare center that is 10 minutes away with the stroller. Here in Quebec, the government subsidizes day care centers (the public ones and some private ones, as well as some of the in-home daycares) such that the parents only have to pay 7$ a day. Yes, 7 $ a DAY. Thats 35$ a week for day care, with professional educators with degrees in child development and great ratios of # of teachers: kids. And lunch and snacks included (at least at the one we go to). Oh, did I mention the waiting lists are 1-2-3 year long? :)

We decided on a daycare center because we don't have relatives or anything in the city we moved in last June. Our son stayed with us until september when he turned one and then he went to daycare. We tried a in-home daycare for maybe 30 minutes (...) but there were too many kids for only one caregiver, kids were crying and pulling each others toys and hair, the tv was on, we did not feel right, we just swept him up and left. That left us with no daycare and year-long waiting lists :) But somehow, a spot opened at our present daycare and in a matter of days, it was all sorted out.

I was raised by a Nanny at home with my sister, and that arrangment was kept by my parents until we were in high school (after that that person only cooked and cleaned), so I really wanted to offer that to our son,the stability of ONE person and that you are in your own home with your own toys, etc... because it was so great for me but since he is an only child, it was a concern that he would need some socializing with kids his age and we were afraid that a nanny, alone in the big city, could not provide that. I have never heard of "Mommy and me" groups or "playdates" here. I am not sure if its because its not in our culture or if I am just disconnected from the playground action. We are the province with the highest rate of WOH mothers and of babies in daycare in all of Canada, so maybe the network of stay-at-home parents and nannies is not so developped. In any case, we felt that we should give daycare a try and it turns out our son loves it and is very attached to his teachers, In the mean time, he is still on a waiting list for a spot at the University daycare where I work, he has been on the waiting list since I was pregnant :) Maybe he'll have a spot when he reaches high school.

[Lisa V]

Four kids-
Alarm goes off at 6:00. On good days I am in the shower by 6:03.( Bad days- 6:25) I get out of the shower by 6:15, throw on clothes or part of them if I have been good and laid them out the night before. If not I rush downstairs in a towel and turn on lights and wake children. The 15 year old takes a shower and gets dressed and is upstairs within 15 minutes. She helps with getting the 4 year old ready- and the 9 and 12 year-olds pretty much get themselves ready. Everyone but the four year-old makes their own breakfast and lunch. I do grooming of the three younger kids right before we leave. We are out the door between 7:10 and 7:25. This 15 minutes depends on how distracted I was and if I can find my keys and shoes, and sometimes jewelry. Once in awhile I throw a monkey wrench into the whole thing and check my email or have to iron something. Then the 15 year old glares at me because she likes to be at school by 7:35. We drop her off, head to the 4 year old's daycare/preschool- arrive about 7:45, then we are at my office/the middle children's school by 7:55 or 8:00. If Bert is not traveling the schedule is much better because he takes the oldest and youngest and it gives me an extra 30 minutes before I have to leave.

[hedra]

Forgot to say how we came to our arrangements, what the deciding factors were ...

1) Turnover rate: I really prefer the turnover to be low. So summer nanny, that's a reasonable block for my comfort. We've also used centers, home daycare, and DH was a SAHD. Oh, and I stayed home for a bit, when I was laid off... sigh for having the larger income. Centers were stop-gap for vacations/closings or summer care when we had fewer kids (1-2), and were kind of 'automatic turnover' by being a few days here and there, so we stopped that as quickly as we could (haven't done it for a few years now). Home daycare has been my favorite with Nanny close second. Home daycare means usually licensed professional, random checks by our state agency, etc. Loved our DCP (her sister was also the summer nanny). Sniff, sniff... miss her (she moved). Keep an eye out for vacation and sick time, though - that can be a pain to work around with home daycares.

2) Expense. As sucky as it is, expense is a big player, and more so the more kids ya got. SAHD wasn't cheap - he had to switch jobs anyway, but that pay loss was huge. Still managed it for almost a year. A big center is okay for one, and usually has a nice discount for two, but add the twins and it ch-chings up to around $750/*week*, total (some much more). Um. No. Grandma, around the same as Nanny (We pay for full-time care from her, swap work-days-to-do-stuff-she'd-otherwise-have-to-hire-someone-for for school closings, and 'grandma time' is free). Grandma or Nanny runs us just about half what even the cheapest center would cost for four kids.

3) Brain, Heart, and Body value. That is, 'educational nature of the experience'. Friendship opportunities, mental stimulation, physical exertion... and with our kids, MAN does that mean 'Montessori'... Pretty much as soon as they're 2, they're in. The expense is ouchies ouchies ouchies, but the value to our kids trumps the expense once we get to the preschool age. This also plays a role in summer care decisions... Summer Nanny last year was nice, willing to sit all day on the floor reading books to two 18-month-olds, but wasn't really up for much enrichment/exercise program other than kicking the kids outside for a bit every day. This year? Grandma already has a program design set up, with emphasis on the American Colonial Period for the first half of the summer (culminating in the family reunion in Williamsburg), and Egyptology for the second half (culminating in a visit to the Tut Exhibit). Plus teaching them to cook, complete with them making us dinner at least once. Plus workbooks and other brain exercise in the mornings, and plenty of racing about outside, too. PACKED program, pretty much a homeschooling regimen. Hard to beat, and I know and trust the provider, thankfully!

4) Hours. I hate having to trim my work hours for the school hours issue. Aftercare is pricey. Late pickups cost extra most places, so having hours that fit mine in the first place is good.

5) General quality and features. First home daycare we chose had excellent reports from the state, had a daily note for child's activities and experiences, had an actual curriculum plan for each age (age-appropriate developmentally-targetted games and activities), etc., etc. And the DCP was warm, affectionate, organized, and had a good bond with each kid. Plus she hated to hear babies cry, and she breastfed her own kids (so no issues with that), cooked actual food for lunches (not 'junk'), etc. And beyond that, I loved how the children cycled past her, coming in to touch down with her. And I loved how her hands seemed to constantly be reaching for the kids as they went from activity to activity, brushing over hair or against shoulders as they passed. She LOVED 'her' kids. Sigh. Did I mention I miss her?

As for paying the Nanny/babysitter cash and having them report it as income, that's not how US law works. They're contracted employees. You can pay them cash under the table, but don't run for office any time soon, and don't get audited. There are sites and programs to manage IRS issues (social security, etc.). Do people still do it? Yes, but it is unlikely the nanny is reporting it as nannying income to the IRS. And if they don't, you can't take it off your dependant care costs (that is cross-checked by SSN/Tax-ID). Messy if you get it wrong, so make sure to ask if they're reporting the income before you go putting it down as a dependent care expense... Just a quick google should find you all sorts of information on how to legally hire/pay a nanny/sitter, do reference checks, etc.

As our situation has changed, we've changed with it. Be willing to look at any option, really look at it, and recognize that nothing is a permanent decision. If something isn't working you CAN do something else instead. It may be a pain to do, it may shift your priorities or goals for a bit, but just because you decided to work, or use this center, or use that nanny, doesn't mean you're STUCK with it if it isn't working. That may seem obvious, but that's one of the things I run up against all the time with my peers - the sense that 'well, we don't want to hurt their feelings by firing them' or 'but it was so hard to find THIS one'... those may be true, but they're not the final call. You can always change your mind if it isn't working out. And there are potential benefits to almost any arrangement or program - we're moving our oldest out of Montessori next year, into a superior Charter school nearby... It took me a while to get over 'losing' the Montessori and start really seeing the full benefits this school will offer. Got comfy with what I knew, forgot how possible it is to change.

[MotherLawyer]

One 2 yo kiddo. At home care. It takes me 90 minutes to get out the door (that's my leisure method departure). I can do it in 45 if pressed.

I chose in home care b/c I could afford it. It's about one third more $ than the swankest daycare in my town. Probably more than twice the average daycare $. My sisters had kids first, we've all used in home care. My sister's a ped and she basically told me I should not put a twelve week old in daycare. I agreed. My nanny is my little sister's nanny's mother. It was total happenstance how she ended up with us, but we are thrilled with the arrangement. About once a week the sitters keep the kids all together at my sister's house and that seems to provide my son with enough "other kid time". Next year he will go to a mother's morning out program (pre-preschool) two mornings a week at a local church b/c by then I think he'll need more social interaction than weekly cousin visits and happenstance neighbor playdates currently provide. I don't think I could have juggled those early mos of WOH if I'd had to take my son somewhere and it was hard enough leaving him even knowing he was getting individual loving care. I doubt I would have kept working had I made another choice.

[Shandra]

I have one 19 month old son.

I'm in Toronto and work at home, but such that I need a sitter for half the hours I work (I work 20-25; I have a sitter for 10). I pay $14/hr, with two weeks paid vacation for the nanny. The transition time takes about 15-20 minutes, but our whole morning routing is about an hour and 20 min.

Eventually we'll look at a part-time Montessori (when he's around 2.5) and that will be about $600/mo. :)

[Elle]

OK well I have no idea what corners I am cutting but from staggering out of bed to out the door is 45 minutes max. I actually can't think what I'd do with 1.5 hours in the morning.

I have one 25 month old and am 36 weeks pregnant. My daughter hasn't nursed since she was 16 months so that is a time-saver :)

DD goes to an awesome daycare in my building so comes to work with me. I don't have to pack her a lunch or anything but do have to remember wipes, blanket, whether it is silly hat day or whatever. I am a big fan of (good) daycare, and she really likes it. Her daycare costs $508 every two weeks for the toddler room. I stayed home with her for the first year.

Does your husband participate in the morning routine or is it all you? If I was doing it by myself I'd definitely take more time.

I have another thought on this but I'll post it separately.

Elle

[Elle]

So my other thought on this was that transitioning back to work involves a recalibrating of your whole week, not just the morning. At least that's what we found.

We are pretty disciplined about being organized. To us this doesn't mean laying out clothes the night before etc but making sure the laundry is done, folded, ironed if needed and put away so there is always something to wear, meals planned and groceries bought weekly so we aren't ordering in or buying lunch at work, snacks and easy breakfast foods available for the week, gas in the car, subway tokens bought etc. I hate spending any amount of time looking for my keys, bag, phone or other mislaid items so we have gotten pretty good at keeping our stuff organized. So in the morning when we are ready to go out the door we are out the door, not running around for last minute things.

I don't want to sound all preachy about it but as a formerly kind of disorganized person I'm pretty proud of the way my husband and I have gotten ourselves organized. It really keeps me from feeling frazzled in the morning and allows me to focus on my job when I'm there and on my family when I'm home. We virtually never do errands during the week.

Is 1.5 hours too long for you? I know we are not morning people but if it works for you I wouldn't sweat it. I know many people get an early start in the morning and get a lot done. Others feel tired and stressed. If you aren't happy with the 90 minutes, what do think is taking you so long?

[foodmomiac]

I have a five year old and a 20 month old. I try to wake up at 6am, so that I can shower and dress before they are up. Once my son (the younger kid) is up, I can't do a thing. He's super destructive. Breakfast and getting dressed doesn't take long at all, but we don't leave the house until 8:15. My daughter wakes up slowly, so this allows her time to putter around, watch a little bit of Arthur, throw a fit or two, etc.

Our childcare situation is in flux right now. When I first started working full time, I had a full time nanny. She stayed with the baby all day and then picked my daughter up from school (she is at preschool from 8:30 - 3) and took her home or to an after school activity. HOWEVER, the nanny was also our Saturday night babysitter, and two Saturdays ago, we came home to find her drunk.

Sooooo.... we have a temporary nanny who follows the same routine as above. Starting April 2, my son will be going to a brand new in-home daycare. There are 8 kids total, and only three toddlers. There is one teacher for the three toddlers. This will be half the price of the nanny. I will need a new babysitter for afternoons for my daughter. We are going to do a nanny share with a friend of hers. The girls are both taking the same dance and drama class (to simplify), and the sitter will be with them from 3-6. My husband and I will pick up our son on our way home from work (we work together).

Phew! This stuff is complicated isn't it??

[Josie P]

I hope you're enjoying your job. I remember the first week I went back to work after baby #2. Every time I went to the bathroom I thought "This is nice! Nobody is climbing on the bathtub, or watching me!"

I have a 3 1/2 yr old girl and a 9 mo. boy. It takes me 90 mins from eyes opening to out the door, even with everything prepped from the night before.

Some of my greatest time savers are:
1. Cook double batches of everything and eat leftovers for dinner. I can get away with only cooking 3 meals per week this way. We eat a lot of the same food in a given week, but I don't make the same dish for a month.

2. After dinner, pack leftovers into individual lunch containers, as opposed to wrapping the whole thing in one container. That way packing lunches is simplified all week. You just grab and go.

3. Eat dinner for breakfast. Sometimes b-fast doesn't happen for me. Then I grab some leftover chicken or pasta and eat it at work with my coffee. It's delicious and healthy and definitely beats eating pastries.

4. Did anyone metion doing everything you can the night before?

5. I get myself dressed absolutely last. The last thing I need is sticky peanut butter hands or baby spit up ruining my outfit.

6. Pay bills and schedule appointments from work. Everybody does it.

7. Try to get some exercise during the day. I'm way too tired after the kids go to bed.

Enjoy yourself! WOHing can be wonderful, it just takes more planning.

[joy]

I have been an in- home daycare provider for almost 6 yrs. now, in Ohio, which has rules you're supposed to follow as an in- home provider, but is one of only a few remaining states which does not license privately funded home daycares. And unless you're pretty computer- savvy, it's pretty difficult to even find out what those rules are. I worked full time for a few months after my oldest was born, but went through two home dc providers with no luck before deciding to stay home and start this business. It's been a boon to my family, and I have wonderful, long- term clients who are wonderfully tolerant for the times when I do take time off, which is not very often. (I've had two babies since then, taking one- and two- week maternity leaves, respectively.) I'm blessed to be able to stay home with my babies, nurse them as long as they want, etc. Though I feel very appreciated by the families I have and will continue to serve for as long as I have little ones of my own at home, doing my job (by myself, at home, with 6 toddlers, day in and day out) and trying to keep my sanity at the same time is HARD. (Thank God for Moxie and the internet!!) I'm very dedicated to what I do, which is why I'm able to keep things relatively stable with low turnover and so forth, but my kids have to tolerate invasion of their territory (and mommy) every day, which teaches them tolerance and patience, concepts which are very hard for 2 and 4 year olds to grasp; but it has been very good for them I think. And my husband is wonderfully supportive and helpful as well; couldn't do it without him.
The hardest part is finding new clients and living in fear of losing some income unexpectedly from time to time. Like any business, it took several years to build my business and reputation. You'd think we could all work together somehow and make the 'finding daycare' easier for parents and the 'finding clients' easier for providers.
So, there's the other side of the coin. Kudos to all of you who run the rat race every morning; speaking for those of us who spend the day with your kids, thanks for sharing them with us for a while!

[liz]

One son, 5 yo. In FABULOUS but expensive daycare/pre-school nearby. My mom helps out with the cost.

He'll be staying at the current place for full-time kindergarten next fall since our county has only part-time public kindergarten.

Our morning routine can be anything from 20-60 minutes, depending on mood.

[Kim]

It's very interesting to read about how others manage day-to-day routines. I have a 7-month-old daughter and I work part-time -- 3 mornings a week at the office and 1 morning a week at home. My husband is able to work from home some, too, so on the mornings I go to work he stays home and we have a nanny come to our home so he can work at home. She also comes on the morning I work at home.

Our morning routine takes about an hour and a half, but probably could be done faster. I don't really rush or do anything the night before because my hours at work are flexible, so I don't have to be there at a specific time.

I'd also be interested in a post about what kinds of routines, tips, etc. people have for getting housework done. I haven't figured out a good routine for getting much done around the house yet.

[Jan]

We have an almost-3 year old and a 15 month old.

I work 80% time and my husband is self-employed and theoretically (though not always in practice) works 5 days a week. We have a somewhat complicated setup.

Three mornings a week, I work from home 6:30 - 8:30 a.m. This means the Hubby is responsible for getting our kids out of bed, making breakfst (mine, too :) -- so I can eat while I work). If he has an early meeting, my work is not as productive as it could be.

Two mornings a week, the babysitter and her little boy arrive here about 8:30 and I leave for the office. I work there from 9 'til 5, then come home and relieve the sitter by 5:30. One morning a week I take the kids to the sitters for the day. (We do some-here, some-there because it's nice for her to have a day she doesn't have to pack up and come here, it's fun for my kids to go to somebody else's house for a change of pace AND the Hubby works at home a lot of the time and when they used to be at our place every day he never ever ever got any peace and quiet.) Then one day a week I work mid-day during nap time for a couple of hours. It's a little crazy, but it works out to be one less day a week for me away from the kids so it's worth it (to me).

If we need to dress and feed everyone in the morning, we really need to plan an hour and a half. If we just need to get out of the house and on our way, we can do it in a half hour, but then the kids have to eat breakfast in the car. And the almost-3-year-old is getting less and less happy about being rushed and/or helped in the morning, so a quickie rush job like that sometimes comes at a psychological cost to all of us.

[theresa]

I use a full-time (wonderful) preschool. My son started there 4 days a week in the nursery school at 18 mos., went to 5 days a week when he moved over to the preschool and I went back to full-time work from my 4-day/week gig. We love, love, love our preschool and will send our next kidlet there (as soon as we adopt a next kidlet).
As to our morning routine, I can get the 2 of us out of the house most mornings in an hour - but it's rarely smooth. I do always pick out my clothes the night before and make lunches. When I do the bedtime routine (as opposed to when dad does it), JR picks out his clothes for the next day - because once he started having an opinion about clothes, that process in the morning became interminable. I'm not very good about gathering up all the other stuff we'll need (my bag, our jackets, boots, mittens, hats, etc.) the night before - although I keep meaning to try.
I have also gotten my beauty (HA!) routine down to a minimum - rarely blow dry my hair, apply makeup even more infrequently.
We do have a few rules: we must be dressed before we go downstairs (where the kitchen and living room and TV are) and no TV before breakfast is eaten. On good days, JR gets about 10 minutes to watch Higglytown Heroes while I gather up coats and lunches and put the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher before we head out the door.

Time to go make the lunches ....