Amy writes:
"Is there such a thing as an insomniac toddler? Twice recently, both on Sunday nights, she woke up a few hours after going to sleep. And would not go back down. Which results in scenarios like a wide-awake two-year-old in bed with us at 3 am (we typically don't co-sleep but occasionally will bring her into bed when she won't sleep, in hopes we can) wrapping her arms around us and declaring "Family HUG!!" Which means NO ONE is sleeping, because really, how cute is that? We explain to her it is sleep time and not play time and don't engage, hard as it is. Still, she's ready to rock and we're half dead.
She's 26 months old tomorrow, and the only possible consistent thing is that she goes to school on Mondays. She loves school so I don't think it's anxiety; we often see my parents on Sunday so maybe overstimulation? But some days things are totally normal and she still has trouble sleeping. Like today (a Thursday), she was up 2 hours earlier than normal and took a crappy nap and was up for like an hour and half at midnight.
She does have a permacold this winter--we run the humidifier and give her medicine when it's bad.
We have a pretty consistent bedtime routine and have since she was a newborn. Usually she goes right to sleep. Naps have been bad this whole week, too. It's not unusual for her to nap badly for a week and then be fine, but the night sleep is unusual. How can I get this girl to sleep? We're all exhausted when this happens. Poor babe gets dark circles under her eyes and practically falls over from exhaustion.
Help us, Moxie and pals!"
This question piggybacks onto yesterday's question about the 2-year-old who won't go to sleep on his own. So let's repeat some of the stuff from that post, especially the comments: The most common time for parents to co-sleep with their kids is from ages 2-5, because it's just easier than fighting the wake-up battles all night. And some huge number of kids wakes up at least once in the middle of the night (50%!), even after 2 years old. So your daughter isn't unusual. For what that's worth.
Anyway, as to why this is happening, my guess is that it's a combo of overstimulation from the grandparents, excitement about school the next day (she can wake up because she's looking forward to going, not just out of dread), and developmental stuff. This age is still jam-packed with development, from verbal to cognitive to physical to emotional. It's probably like all the developmental spurts you lived through back in the first year, in that whatever's happening will connect in a week or two, and she'll go back to sleeping. (Remember how easy it was to know what was going on in that first year with The Wonder Weeks? If only Vanderijt and Plooij would release the guide to developmental spurts for the next, oh, 35 years.)
What leads me also to think that it's developmental spurts is the idea that she just can't physically stay asleep. If she's tired and has circles under her eyes, then she needs to sleep but just can't. Also, the fact that she's wide awake ("FAMILY HUG!"?? Hee.) in the middle of the night and not trying to fall back asleep indicates that her body just isn't letting her sleep then.
So. Where does that leave you? Well, knowing that it's not going to last forever, but that nothing's going to definitively fix it right now. So you can decide to do nothing and ride it out, try to enact a plan to get her to sleep through (which will probably not be that successful given the limits of sleep her body's giving her right now), try to manage her not sleeping so it has an impact on the fewest number of people in your household as possible on any given night, or some combo of all of these.
The one thing that seemed to help us during this phase (the first time through--maybe #2 will be different) was to run him around every morning until he almost dropped. It was tough during the winter (which is why we stuck with the really lame soccer class), but if I could tire out his body physically every day, then at least he could get a decent nap before his brain started waking up his body. And sometimes it seemed to help the nighttime sleep, too.
Readers? Stories of commisseration? Or some magic tricks (and remember that use of opiates doesn't count) to get a 2-year-old to sleep through the night.
Wow. It's like I wrote this question myself.
Our normally great sleeper (Put her down, kiss goodnight, leave the room, see her in 11 hours kind of great) has been night waking for weeks. We were chalking it up to normal 2-and-a-half-year-old clingyness and trying to calmly ride it out, but her permacold was getting a bit worse, and she was starting to get a bit crusty around the eyes. So off we went to the pediatrician last Thursday, and she had a sinus infection, poor monkey. So we put her on antibiotics, the nose-faucet stopped Friday, and her sleep completely improved. Back to normal, in her own bed all night, Sunday night and last night.
So I feel terrible that she was probably waking from sinus headaches (which she couldn't explain to us) and I was writing off pain as a behavior issue.
While I'm not suggesting you run out and get some antibiotics, I just wanted to toss out the thought that the permacold might be causing more discomfort than one might think.
Posted by: Caroline | February 06, 2007 at 12:22 PM
Thanks, Moxie! I think you and Caroline are both right. She is suddenly starting to talk a blue streak after being pretty speech delayed. That's a big developmental leap, and every day she's surprising us with how much she can talk, so I think that little brain is just whirring away. Also, we took her for a hearing test today (we're having her speech and hearing evaluated because of the speech delay) and the audiologist said she saw some fluid in one ear. She hasn't ben acting like she''s got an ear infection, so I was surprised, but it couldn't hurt to have the doctor give her a look.
I'd be interested to hear input from anyone else as well, but I think a doctor visit is in order as well as managing the impact on us. I didn't know that stat about 2-year -olds waking up a lot--interesting!
Posted by: AmyinMotown | February 06, 2007 at 01:01 PM
FWIW, we definitely noticed a decline in the quality of sleep in our 2 year old this past winter when the weather got crummy and she wasn't playing outside much.
Think about how much better you sleep if you're getting some regular exercise.
We asked for, and received, some active indoor toys (a slide and a set of tents and tunnels) for Christmas and have instructed the babysitter to make sure she encourages the use of them daily. We play 'chase' around the kitchen island and the couch in the family room is now fair game for jumping. Whatever we can do to encourage her to move her little body around. They say toddlers should have at least 60 minutes per day of physical activity, so we kind of keep that in mind.
It could be a coincidence (maybe she passed some developmental milestone), but it seems to be helping.
P.S. She stays in her bed and in her bedroom all night, but she is not asleep that whole time. We leave some books by her bed and she knows that (1) if she isn't sleepy, it's OK to look at books for awhile and (2) if she can't go back to sleep, she can call for us and we'll come help her (turn her music on and lie down with her for a couple of minutes). She regularly informs me in the morning of her nighttime activities, whether she "cried a little bit" or looked at books or 'nursed' her baby or whatever. So I know she's waking up, we just don't have to deal with it most nights.
Posted by: Jan | February 06, 2007 at 01:27 PM
Ha, how timely is this? My almost-3 was up until freaking 11:30 last night. Just. Could. Not. Go. To. Sleep. Mr. C and I had thought we'd eat a late dinner after putting her down at her usual 9. F that. Sigh.
Once we both got over our despair, we decided it was a combination of development (just got really fully potty-trained and is really getting into the imagination phase), the fact that the previous night we let her stay up to watch a ginormous tow truck take away a broken bus right out her window (I mean, come on--how often do you see that and it wasn't like she'd go down with that noise), the fact that Mr. C was quite sick with food poisoning and therefore not very available over the weekend...and gas, as the 3rd dose of Mylicon did finally seem to help.
Totally agree about the exercise--and the need increases exponentially around this age. It's more than you might expect. I mean, when Mouse was under 2 a swimming lesson was a nap *emergency*--now, it takes a swimming lesson plus some major playground time to make her ready for bedtime. Enough mental stimulation is key too. Good luck!!!
Posted by: Charisse | February 06, 2007 at 02:22 PM
Just out of curiosity, where's the 50% stat from?
Posted by: Kate | February 06, 2007 at 02:47 PM
Kate, the 50% was from a survey Eliz. Pantley cites in No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers, via Charisse in the comments of yesterday's post. I don't have the NCSS Toddler version (I think I'd just given up by that point), so I can't look it up to find the whole citation for you.
Posted by: Moxie | February 06, 2007 at 02:55 PM
I'm at work and don't have the book with me, but it's something like the Great American Sleep Survey from 2004. I can post it later if I remember!
Posted by: Charisse | February 06, 2007 at 03:01 PM
I am calling this The Year of Sleeping Woe in our house. Our son's sleep started to shit the bed (hah! luckily we haven't actually had to deal with THAT issue, although I'm sure now I've cursed it) last May, when he was 2 years 6 months. We tried EVERYTHING and eventually wound up meeting with the fabled Dr. Ferber himself. He suggested that we were expecting the boy to sleep too much and had us let him stay up an hour later at night, which seems to have helped (not that it's been ideal, since now we have essentially no evening to ourselves and the boy still gets up periodically). I also agree with everyone else and notice that on days when he's very active, he sleeps better - but since we both work, and it's winter, we have limited control over what he's doing activity-wise each day. The later bedtime has seemed to compensate for this in many ways.
Posted by: Rach | February 06, 2007 at 03:32 PM
My daughter (15 months) is a champion sleeper and also has been getting (and sharing) the latest in cold trends.
The cold and stuffy nose most definitely affect her sleeping, and might be in this case as well.
The only crappy advice I have to offer is "this too shall pass" and I offer my sympathies.
At least she's hugging and not puking.
Posted by: jessica | February 06, 2007 at 03:51 PM
This has been so reassuring for me. Our 3 1/2 year old was a fantastic sleeper until age 2--I was so smug! I am no longer smug, although the situation has improved, mostly since she turned 3. I don't think you mention if your daughter is in a crib or toddler bed... the only advice I have is that in retrospect we should have gotten a twin mattress and put it on the floor (instead of the toddler bed) because that would have been so much more comfortable those nights one of us was bunking with her. That's it for my great advice, but, hopefully, like me, you've gotten some reassurance from these other posts.
Posted by: rudyinparis | February 06, 2007 at 06:25 PM
While reading Parenthacks, I came upone this post about using a multicolor night light to distract children and give them something to look at after waking up in the night. The comments to this post on parenthacks give suggestions on where to buy these lights.
Posted by: Tabetha | February 07, 2007 at 09:12 AM
Oops! Here is the Parenthacks address:
http://www.parenthacks.com/2007/02/glade_scented_o.html
Posted by: Tabetha | February 07, 2007 at 09:15 AM
we resisted the 'indoor trampoline' thing (small house, where to put it, inviting disasters, etc.) for ages. But it is one of the things that the occupational therapist put on the 'home therapy' (sensory diet) list, that would help our younger son calm himself down. Yeah, jumping up and down to calm himself? Um... Well, yeah.
We got one finally for Christmas. It has calmed bedtime down a fair bit. Plus, the kids now have an alternate to jumping on the bed (Meriel: "Sis'er, no jumpie bed! Jumpie down-sdairs, jumpie jumper!")... And yes, large-muscle-group activity an hour or so before actual sleep time does seem to help. Even the fairly refluxy Meriel is doing better (though that may be chance...). We'll see if 2 yrs 6 months creates a huge snag, but so far, it seems to help more than I'd expected. I just wince and look away a lot.
Posted by: hedra | February 07, 2007 at 09:21 AM
Whoa, Rach--you met with Dr. Ferber himself? Wow. What was that like?
Posted by: Moxie | February 07, 2007 at 09:27 AM
You can read about it here: http://twoisplenty.blogspot.com/2007/01/infamous-dr-ferber.html
He was very nice - gentle, soft-spoken, and small. But he didn't rock my world. He suggested a later bedtime and a sticker chart (my sister in law thought it was hysterical that we had to wait three months for an appointment with THE Dr. Feber to get the suggestion of a sticker chart) - I think we were making progress on our own just using our parental insinct and I'm not sure how much our consult speeded up that progress, but whatever.
I'll tell you what was SHOCKING, however - the fact that there was not a single toy in the exam room where we spent about an hour. They ask you to bring your kid with you, it's at Children's Hospital, for god's sake, and they have NO TOYS. On that issue, I'm thinking of sending Dr. F a letter.
Posted by: Rach | February 07, 2007 at 10:03 AM
Rach, toys are often under the management of the volunteer groups. Same with books. Check with the hospital, before you bug Dr. F. I've spent so much time at two different Children's Hospitals, I've seen the phases go through. They get an influx of toys and books through some volunteer drive, and then the toys and books are slowly destroyed by the patients (lots of them, usually stressed...), and then there are none for a while, and then another wave comes in, all fresh and new, and the cycle starts over. The last time I was there (Tuesday), there was nary a book in sight (though all the exam rooms have wall-mounted activities, this one had a giant abacus, again, donated materials)... a few months back, there were a few books left, but most of them were partially dismembered. Might not be Dr. F's responsibility (and they get used to the ebb and flow, so they don't notice it as much). Just thought that might be useful info...
Posted by: hedra | February 08, 2007 at 08:37 AM
I think the book _Sweet Dreams: A Pediatrician's Secrets for Baby's Good Night's Sleep_ by Dr. Paul Fleiss would be really helpful with this situation. He explains the circadian rhythms of our hormones etc and -- here's the important part -- how to *use* them to get our children to be sleepy at the appropriate times. It is a very gentle, considerate approach and there are a number of take-home tips that you can try singly or all together.
Posted by: swimmermom | February 14, 2007 at 05:07 PM
My children stopped waking up in the middle of the night when we started using The Potty Stool. By giving small kids the chance to empty their bladder, they sleep so much better! A full bladder is a huge reason children wake up.
Posted by: kate mcdowell | April 11, 2007 at 12:37 PM
Hello,
We are in the process of adopting a 3-year-old girl and she is having trouble sleeping through the night (not the mention her mommy!) We are young, first-time parents and have had this little girl for four months now. I cannot sleep when she's in bed with us and can't go back to sleep if I get in her bed. Sometimes she'll let my husband put her back in her bed but lately she only wants me and it's happening every night now for about two or three weeks. I am so emotionally and physically drained! We are on a very consistent routine with her and she goes to bed at 9 every night, by herself I might add. I just don't know what is causing this clingy, frantic behavior all of a sudden. I know that emotionally she has to be going through a lot, and I am as well. I feel like we are attached...to the hip that is! I love her to death but I need more sleep and my sanity. Any advice?
Posted by: Sara | October 15, 2007 at 09:46 PM
If I take any cold medicine from about 5 pm on I will be unable to sleep until about midnight. It took me a while to figure out that my son has the same problem. IS there any chance that the cold medicine is linked?
Posted by: Jennifer | March 06, 2008 at 10:52 PM
This reassured me so much. Thanks. My 2 year old, who has been sleeping through the night for a long time now and willing went to bed on a regular basis, has been screaming for naps and bedtime and wakes up for 1-3 hours in the middle of the night for almost a month now. It started right after she had her first set of stitches. I don't know if there is any correlation to that incident, but now I think it is just habit. We are exhausted and to make matters worse, she found out she could climb out of her crib, so we are dealing with switching to a toddler bed as well. Last night was the first night in the toddler bed and it went o.k. until she woke up at 2AM. We were up putting her back in her bed until 5:30AM when we got up. The one thing that worked last night with going to sleep initially and to keep her in her bed in the wee hours was for me to sit in her doorway. That saved us the fighting of putting her back in bed over and over again.
Posted by: Karina | June 18, 2008 at 12:27 PM
Im having the same issue pretty much. My 2.5 year old son has been sleeping through the night in his crib since he was 11 months old, suddenly he's refusing to go to sleep (I moved back his bedtime by an hour and he still screams in his room for at least 30 minutes)
Around 1 or 2am he wakes up and is generally up for the rest of the night. He cries if he's alone, if I bring him into my bed he climbs all over me, kicking me, telling me I cant sleep.
Im a single mother, so I am up with him every single night, all night (my roommate works at 6am and I cant let him scream in his room all night) and my body is beginning to shut itself down, I get fevery and shakey everytime my body needs to use energy, even digesting knocks me on my butt.
I like the advice given so far, and I think tomorrow if I am able to move I'll take him swimming or something and see if it helps.
I hope it does, IM SO TIRED!!
It seems like he just doesnt want to be alone in his room. He wants to be in my bed or have me in his (I cant fit in a toddler bed!)
Posted by: Allix | October 20, 2008 at 01:08 AM
normally after she hits 12 lbs but sometime its just habit. if shes btsreafeed it will be longer. Formula keeps babies fuller longer..so they'll sleep longer. i have a 10 week old, i formula feed and i still swaddle her tight at bedtime. routine is very important
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