Q&A: separation anxiety in 9-month-old

Jessica writes:

"I have a friend with a 9-mon. old baby boy. She can't even put him down while she does a pile of dishes or a load of laundry. He is right by when she tries to do house work but he will not let her put him down with out crying. What are some suggestions on how to break him of this?"

It's going to help your friend to think about why her son wants to be held all the time, instead of as something bad she needs to stop. And I would never try to "break" a baby of anything, because that means disconnecting his trust, which is bad bad bad for emotional and mental development.

Not wanting to be alone is really common in 9-month-olds, because they're going through the "separation anxiety" stage. It's a developmental stage when they start to realize that they're separate from their parents, and it makes them scared and anxious. For some kids it's relatively mild, and they just don't like to be alone with strangers. For some kids it's more severe and they don't like to be left alone in a room, even if they can still hear the parent. For some kids, like your friend's son, it sounds really severe, since he doesn't want her to put him down. But all these degrees are normal. It sounds like your friend's son is a little "high-needs" (I guess I'd prefer to think of it as "intense"), and just feels things very deeply. As an adult that's going to be really great for him, because he'll have extreme focus, loyalty, and determination. It just sucks for her right now, because she can't leave him like other people can with more easygoing babies.

Separation anxiety can be totally confusing for the parents. Maybe they've had a baby who was totally content to play alone, sitting on the floor with some toys, babbling away for 15-20 minutes at a time. All of a sudden that same kid wants to be held all! day! long! or screams like she's being poked with a sharp stick if the mother dares to walk out of the room. It feels like their child is somehow regressing, but in fact, the baby is sort of backing up and revving up to go to the next stage.

Or maybe the parents have a more intense baby who's wanted to be held all the time from Day One, and they think that finally by now they should be getting some relief. Everyone tells them that if you give the baby enough touch and attention, the baby will eventually separate, so they've been dong that all along. But it seems like everyone else's baby is just crawling away from the parents happily, while their baby is stuck to them more tightly than ever. What are they doing wrong? Well, nothing. Since they have a child who has a more fierce need to be with the parents to begin with, this anxiety stage is probably going to be more severe anyway. The rubber band theory (scroll down to "You've probably heard...") still holds true, so things would be even worse if they had tried to force their baby to be more independent before s/he was ready for it. And, yeah, other people have kids who don't seem to notice where they are, but that's just not the kind of kid you have. Accepting that the intensity is part of your child's wonderful personality and not something you're doing wrong (or, even worse, some flaw in your child) is going to make everything easier for all of you.

So yeah. 9 months can be really rough. Reaally rough. There's separation anxiety (which hits again in a big way at 2 years), some developmental spurt that causes the 9-month-sleep regression, learning to crawl or cruise, and probably some teething on top of that. They may also be hitting that eating strike in which they only want to eat things they can feed themselves. Oh, and it's cold and flu season, too. So normally clingy kids are stuck like glue, and even babies who usually don't care can become velcro (touch tape) babies. Time to haul out the old sling (even if you never used it with a newborn) and do the hip carry (scroll down)--this age loves that--or the backpack (or mei tai, Ergo, Sutemi, etc.) and just strap the kid on and go about your work. It'll make you feel like a bad-ass Amazon, and maybe the child will just stop fussing.

You know exactly how I'm going to end this: This too shall pass. Hang in there.

Comments

[hedra]

Only comment: Oh, YEAH. Read what Moxie wrote twice (at least), print it and put it on the fridge, give it to anyone who raises an eyebrow in your general direction during this phase, if you have a sceptical or stressed-out partner (especially male) put it in the bathroom and remove all other reading material, read it again yourself, and repeat the last line like a mantra. My version of the mantra: "It's just a phase, it's only a phase, it's all a phase"... repeat, repeat, repeat.

[pnuts mama]

i am starting to sound like a broken record i'm sure- but check for teething. pnut likes to be close to me for sure (and also can play independantly, too) but when she teethes oh my goodness she would not ever let me put her down. she would scream and scream like someone was torturing her! the pediatrician can tell you for sure if he is teething (as a first time mommy how did i know it could go on for months and months and months?) and let you know what to do for it- tylenol, teething tablets, chewy things, icey things, daddy's fingers, etc etc.

also, and i certainly don't mean to offend anyone by saying this, (especially not the person who wrote the question, because i think it's great that you are so concerned for your friend) but I kind of like the fact that pnut and I are so closely attached. at times it can wear on my nerves when she picks only me to be with (and now more so her daddy) and I needed a break, but it upsets me more when some people I know speak of her being a 'mama's girl' or some other reference in a disparaging tone, using the fact that i stay at home with her or extended nursed or whatever like it's a bad thing. i know it bothers some people in my family that she isn't willing to be passed around like a sack of potatoes by virtual strangers, but i am proud that my girl knows her boundaries even at this young age and isn't afraid to voice them. and she certainly is not as attached as she was, although as moxie rightly points out the intensity of the attachment goes in phases. as much as it can drain you to be the only one who the baby wants to be with, it is also strangely comforting to know that *you* are the only one *your* baby wants to be with and that you're the one who can help. for me, it makes sense and i am glad that I am her mama, and of course i'm the one she wants to be with when she's feeling good and especially when she feels bad. take care and hang in there, it won't be this intense for long.

[Tina B.]

My son went through several bouts of seperation anxiety. Each of them were very difficult on my husband and I, more on me because I am breastfeeding and nothing comforts like the breast. Moxie offered great suggestions. I will be honest and say we had a lot of take out during this time, house cleaning fell by the wayside, and work suffered. It lasted for several weeks. It was great to know it was normal, but it was rough. Coming out of a time when seperation anxiety was high, my son expressed more independence and confidence than before going in.

[B]

This might be an occasion to remember the benefits of slings and other babywearing gear: wraps, buckle carriers, mei tais, pouches, etc. At that age, kids can really get into being worn on the back. This allows the parent to carry on with other chores (as long as those require motion... my sitting down was never well tolerated by my kid) and the kid to be in the middle of what the parent is doing.

Further, I'd like to second Moxie's warning against "breaking " kids of anything. I wouldn't want to destroy healthy impulses in my child, nor would I want to undermine our relationship by denying her need to be with me.

[Laura]

It is so weird how every time I have a problem, you answer it without me writing to you. My son isn't quite so bad as the above example, but at 26 lbs, there's no way I could carry him all day long. The worst part for me is that he screams in public, so I'm stuck at home all the time. I really hope this phase passes sooner rather than later!

[michaela]

Oh, my. My little one turns nine months on Saturday. She's a little behind since she was six weeks early, so we probably have a bit more time before this phase begins. But y'all have got me nervous about when it will strike... She's been so much fun lately, and the sleep situation is even (somewhat) decent. I guess forewarned is forearmed... and it's a reminder that we ought to practice the back carry in the mei tai while we're both relatively chipper and well rested!

[hedra]

Laura, try a frame backback carrier. I could carry Gabe for a few hours in the backpack without pain. And the good ones (Kelty, etc.), while pricey, will carry up to 2+ year olds... (Gabe was a super-chunk, too...)

[hedra]

Oh, and ditto on the not breaking them thing...

Slightly different use of the term, but I have started thinking "BREAKING" (as in busting, shattering, destroying), when I hear 'breaking' (as in eliminating bad habit, training against natural inclinations, etc.). I can generally find better ways to get the results than 'breaking'... And the dog-trainers I know seem to agree (using shaping methods works faster than 'breaking' methods).

When people ask us what we 'do' to make our kids 'like this' (which they ask rather a lot more than I'd expect!), we always come back to 'we don't DO anything, they were born like that. We just try our best not to *break* who they already are.' Most of our effort goes into just plain NOT breaking them. Model, guide, encourage, find ways to see what appears to be negatives as actual positives (so that we can feed it so it grows in an effective direction), coach, mentor, and provide a lot of opportunities for them to be their best them, without treading or stomping on that 'them'-ness...

It takes a LOT of effort to find the right frame to view things through, but once we do, things flow much more easily. We're not fighting their essential nature, then! For example, Brendan. We started out calling him 'destructo-boy' because by the time he was 9 months old, he could disassemble almost anything he touched. First time in the exersaucer, he tried to pry the screws holding the seat ring out with his fingernails... four months old. EEK. Destructo-boy. But once we started saying that a lot, we disliked it. So one day, I watched him, trying to find some way, ANY way to see that behavior in a positive light. He was in the midst of disassembling a 24-pack of Coke in the Kitchen. I'd usually stop and redirect him once he started getting things really out of hand, but this time, I was thinking, and watching, so I waited.

... and that time, he actually got to finish the task. He carefully extracted all the soda cans. He disassembled the box as far as he could. He then sat there in the mess, looked around at it, heaved a satisfied sigh, and began building things out of the cans and cardboard with a great deal of focus and determination. Okee... not Destructo-boy! He got a new nickname that day - 'The Deconstructionist' - an architect of recovered materials. He still loves building things, and is drawn to a variety of materials. I'm glad I stopped treading on his natural process! And he was much happier and more involved in his play when he got to finish the task instead of being stopped half-way or sooner every blessed time...

So yeah, don't break them of anything. Embrace where they are. There are often ways to make that work for us, and for them, that we don't even consider until we take the positive angle view. (Brendan is a master of Legos, too.)

[Emily]

My (much younger, 3 mo. old)is like this, too. He can't get enough physical contact, a real cuddle freak. Actually, he's napping in my arms while I type this one-handed... I just wanted to ask if the baby was perhaps born prematurely? My little guy was four weeks early, and I feel like that made him so much needier in terms of touch and just basic human contact. I think that perhaps with babies that didn't get enough time in the womb, the need for security is just that much more intense. It's certainly not the only trigger, but it's held very true in my case, and my kid was only four weeks early.

It can be really frustrating, say, when he's napping and will wake up as soon as I put him down - but on the other hand, I think, no matter how frustrating it is to not be able to get things done, there is something to be said for being forced to slow your life down and just snuggle and experience the world of touch on such an immediate basis. Sometimes (unfortunately not often enough - believe me, more often than not I'm just exasperated; aka don't mean to sound holier-than-thou) I think perhaps my son was sent to me to remind me to slow down and get my priorities straight - give up some of the need-for-control over my life and get down with the cuddling (...she says while holding her son, sipping tea and blogging on the internet all at once...) SIGH... Oh well, I can at least WRITE about understanding the signals, right?

[Serena]

Emily, you might want to try a sling for napping - that way he is close to your body (and cosier than a Bjorn) but you have both hands free. We also found that we could put the baby down in the sling more readily - since it will hold some of our body heat and the baby doesn't have to be moved around much.

[liphovela]

My suggestion too is a sling. I use one that is a simple piece of cloth tied with a strong knot. The baby sits on your hip, and if you need to swing him/her towards your back so you can use both arms, it is totally doable. My Laotian nanny clued me into this and I like it way, way more than anything that costs big bucks. YMMV, of course, on what to use, but I'd say that you need to live with the phase and find a way to make it bearable.

[hedra]

Emily, had to laugh at the 'know it, not always feeling/doing it' thing... note that it took me until Brendan was about 9 months old to do the 'positive view' thing... um. Yeah, know it, and *try* to remember to do it!

Ditto with slowing down. Sometimes I just don't WANT to slow down! ARGH! HURRY UP! And usually, my hurry was pointless or just made the same trip/activity less fun without much benefit... D'oh!

It takes time to adapt back to the slow/cuddle speed, IMHO. Interestingly, I find it works best if I've already slowed MYSELF down before I try to do it. Cuddling TO slow down doesn't work so well for me. I just get agitated. I have to slow me down first, or I grind mental gears trying to match the slower pace... And fastest way I've found to slow my internal pace down (yeah, funny I'm looking for the fastest way to slow down!) is to stare at the sky for a while. Watch clouds until I can really feel their pace, see their changes... then my insides are slow enough to BE slowed down without getting cranky. And again, remembering to DO that... sigh.

[Shandra]

My son goes through those phases too, and often when he's teething or getting sick. And it is hard; it must be hard on your friend and it's natural you would want to help. I say bring her a video and a meal and sit down with her so she has a friend there, has fun, and can hold her babe!

And if you do a load of dishes on your way out, so much the better. :-)

I use an Ergo and I also get down on the floor or in a big bed with him first thing in the morning, cuddle him all up, and generally try to make him feel I want to be with him a lot. As a toddler I chase him and he loves it.

Some days it helps, some days it doesn't.

One thing to do is to play lots of object permanence games - Peek-a-Boo, what's under the towel? and so on. Also I used to leave my son to cry a little bit in his playpen (I mean like, 45 seconds or so) and verbally reassure him the whole time. "Mummy will BE RIGHT BACK! Oh, where did she go? She's here in the hall. Oh, here she comes! Hello gorgeous!" He did clue into the "BE RIGHT BACK" thing at about 10 months and it's been really helpful.

Right now he is having a hard time learning about when I "go to work" (in the same house, which doesn't entirely help) and he has a PT nanny. Three weeks in and he still cries a lot, but it is slowly improving. I do think it's his personality and it's really our job at this age to make him feel secure and loved so that when he's older he will have a base from which to go out and do things without us. YMMV of course.:)

[Emily]

I think those are really good ideas and I can only second them. What I find works really well is to sing what I am doing to my son while he sits in his bouncy chair next to me. It's pretty rediculous-sounding and I find myself very glad that no one is watching, but singing "now I'm putting toothpaste, toothpaste, toothpaste, now I'm putting toothpaste on my toothbrush" keeps his attention on the fact that I am still there and still paying attention to him. Not sure if that would cut it for a nine-month-old, but it reminds my little guy that he might not be being carried, but he's also not being ignored or forgotten. It also helps to swoop down every so often and smooch him to death or give him tickles - little tactile reminders to underscore all the rest of my (really pathetic) musical numbers.

As for slings - I have three, from really simple to really long - and unless my little one is really sleepy, he fights the sling. Oh, how I wish he loved his sling like all babies are supposed to be hardwired to do! He seems to really dislike having his head and arms restricted in any way, so until he gets a lot better at holding his own head up, so that I can sling him WITHOUT his arms and head being part of the number, I'm S___ out of luck. Unless he's sleepy. At which point I often get lazy and go online. See today :)

[pnuts mama]

emily- pnut was early, too, and also hated the sling, or any other carrier-type thing til she was nearly a year old. didn't matter what type or how she was positioned. i wish she had loved the sling! but no, it was our arms/hands or nothing. lord, the way she would scream in the sling or carrier you'd think we were torturing her. sigh. i feel your pain. but then we got the swing and whee! like a whole new world, thank god.

[Shandra]

A moby wrap or mei tai might work too for a wee babe, but they might be expensive to try - you might want to see if you can borrow one from someone to try it out.

My son hated not being upright in the sling, and it wasn't until he could manage the Ergo (well, and we tried one at a party) that we hit the magic carrier. (He hated the Snugli and the Baby Bjorn too, that is, anything with a crotch-carry.) The Ergo has a newborn insert but I've never tried it. I think I'd go with a moby wrap if I had a wee babe again... but that probably wouldn't help with the head-hands thing. Sigh.

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[laury]

For those whose babies don't like the sling (yet), another possibility is putting the babe in a highchair with stuff to do next to you. That way you're on the same level. I think from around 9 months it drives them nuts to be so low down as well as removed from you. Of course you'll then be on the floor most of the time picking up the stuff they throw out... And a big second on the backpacking - i love the ergo for this tho you need a bit of practice training the baby to help getting in.

[Cassie]

Shandra, I have my nearly 9-week-old boy in an Ergo with an infant insert as I type this -- he prefers to be upright with his head and hands free, and he loves this carrier. It may be the way that I put him in it, but he's sitting fairly upright, he can move his head all around, and he's been practicing trying to get his thumb in his mouth all week, which has involved much arm and hand movement. You can adjust how close to your body their head and torso are, so I imagine it would also work equally well for a baby who needs to be held close, close, close. Oh, and I've used it with him since he was just a couple of days old, and it has been a hit all the way through -- it held him slightly less upright when he was smaller, but still more upright than he would have been in an over-the-shoulder sling.

[Kelly]

I so totally remember this with my firstborn. I spent so much time and energy complaining and rebelling against it that I felt depleted.

Why, oh why, I asked myself, couldn't my kids be like the ones in my playgroup, just content to hang around in their baby seats?

Well, with my second born, I just stopped. Both were similar in personality, both intense, like Moxie described, and I just decided rather than spend all my time decrying the injustice of it all (because, let's face it, it IS hard to carry around a 20 lb-er all day, and do every task with one hand) I just went with the flow.

I can't tell you that it will get loads easier, but I think acceptance goes a long way towards helping the situation. And your kids feel your stress. If you are all uptight about it, they will be too. I know, easier said than done.

And I'm STILL kicking myself for not getting a sling with this baby.

[Emily]

Kelly- I agree. I think there's a part of most new mom's brains that just has fingers crossed, hoping that she'll end up with an "easy" baby, one that is simply laid back - and that's just not realistic, I've come to realize. I know these babies exist, but I think that they are much more few-and-far-between than we tend to be brought to think.

I think that many women aren't all that honest about their babies and how hard it is on them sometimes - which is their right, but sometimes paints a picture that others feel like they could never achieve. My husband, a general practitioner in the town we live in, has told me a number of times about young, first-time moms coming in and telling him their tale of woe with their baby, saying things like " oh, I wish my baby could be more like my friend X's baby - he's so laid back." Later that same day, friend X comes into the office and saying the exact same thing about the first woman's child. Kind of makes you think... Maybe there just aren't really very many of those "laid-back babies" who don't mind being on their own out there. I mean, why has the whole sling thing taken off in the last few years, if not for just this reason?

Anyway, I have a Moby Wrap, which is nice and snuggly, and my son should be getting enough head and neck control soon, so he can sit up in one without his arms being restricted, so here's to hoping he takes to that. It kind of takes a long time to wrap it on, though, so I'm still thinking of getting an Ergo (although I've already got so many slings, I kind of feel like it would be a little exhorbitant...)

[Nikki]

This post is 6 months old but it and the comments attached are JUST what I needed to read tonight. Thanks Moxie :)

Off to think positive thoughts about how this too shall pass and it's actually a good thing he's so attached to me...

[Subia]

I too have a 9 month old girl with severe seperation anxiety. She started off with being afraid of others and that drove me to tears all the time. She thankfully out grew that with most people. However now she doesnt want to be put down or cant stand it when I leave the room....EVEN if she can see and hear me. She has done this "dont leave me" thing for awhile but its just gotten worse.

I dont know if I gave her too much attention. Atleast thats what family and friends tell me. Although I have accepted that this is a phase. That doesnt mean it doesnt drive me crazy and get me down but I know she tends to be more clingy when she's teething, so I shower her with love and attention on those days. I do talk to her alot as im doing everyday things like washing the dishes...when she isnt having a totally off day. I think i'll look into a carrier. She had a bjorn when she was a nubby and that worked out well.

I too was a fussy/clingy baby as my mom tells me. Maybe this is pay back! ahhh, No no this is just a phase and it too will pass. Good luck to all the mommy's.

[Emilee]

Thank goodness I found these posts when I did. The last three days of my life have been some of the hardest as a parent. I have a one year old who just started this...and oh boy, it is I-N-T-E-N-S-E!!! I have been trying (desperately) to get the house in order (moved cross country a month and a half ago) because my husband is returning from a year long deployment in TWO DAYS and my son is FREAKING OUT the minute I leave the two foot radius of where he is!!! I have been trying for FOUR LONG months to get him sleeping in his crib. I have listened to sound and even a little unsound advice for this and his reaction everytime is to throw up. Needless to say...I told my husband, we need a king size bed, because I am fed up with having to clean up vomit SEVEN TIMES A NIGHT!!! My "sound" advice from his pediatritian was to let him cry through it, since I tried everything else. She told me she had NEVER heard of a baby crying more than three hours (MAX) before finally passing out, and then less and less everyday until there is no more crying and he is sleeping in the crib. So, I tried as a very last resort, and it went on from nine thirty until seven!! (Of course I went it, was in the room with him, calming him down, but it didnt matter...so an exhausted zombie I caved and took him into my bed) After reading this and knowing that there are other moms going through it, ahhh, what a relief. I know that the moving and Daddy being gone have been traumatic, but I try to make up for it. It really helps hearing advice to accept it...which I did tonight. He is in my bed, but I thankfully have enough time to even post this!!! without him realizing Im gone and all heck breaking loose. But I know what you mean about going to the bathroom...haha he passes me the toilet paper!!! lol Hopefully things get better and not worse when my husband is finally home. I have just been in a panick trying to figure out how this will work without hurting my husband!

HERES TO IT PASSING QUICKLY< WITH OUR SANITY INTACK!!!

[ben]

you guys are so weird. put your freaking baby down. they will learn to self-soothe. and the faster they learn that the happier all parties are. the idea that "you can't put your baby down" is solely the parent's issue and a total myth. you can, in fact, put your baby down. you just need to admit that you don't want to deal with it crying. guess what? the baby will not cry forever.

[Sarah]

Last comment must have come from a man! How heartless, unless you have experienced this you cant even begin to understand. I feel for you all - my advice - baba sling. Good luck.

[pnut's mom]

When my daughter started howling every time I put her down, even if I was right next to her, I thought that my normally-fussy baby had taken a turn for the worse. Or maybe it was teething? Or maybe she was overtired? Or maybe I am the worst parent ever? Well, it turned out that she had a UTI!! If your baby is acting abnormally fussy, maybe it is just separation anxiety or some other normal developmental phase, but DON'T DELAY contacting your health professional. Sometimes the ONLY sign of a health problem in babies is added fussiness. And really, it can't hurt to get in touch with them even if it turns out your baby is totally fine. Just do it for peace of mind. These kinds of health problems need to be addressed right away, not ignored or dismissed as fussiness. That being said, my daughter is in the full throes of separation anxiety, but she will stop crying if I get down on the floor with her after putting her down. When she had the UTI, not even that would help. Good luck!

[the milliner]

Great comments. Our DS is 7.5 months and going through his first seperation anxiety phase. Did a search hoping to find some great advice, or at least comiseration. Thanks to everyone for both.

@Hedra: You perfectly describe my anxiety in wanting to GET. SOMETHING. DONE.! A good reminder to calm myself down first. I think I react the same way as you do...i.e. trying to get my anxiety down doesn't really work with cuddling DS. I just get more frustrated that it's taking so long, I didn't get anything done, etc. etc. I need to relax first, then help him. Type 'A' personality, + mama of a young child = lots of re-framing / re-prioritizing for Mama!

@Shandra & @Emily: I'm right there with you on the running commentary. I've already been doing this for the longest time with DS. He's definitely a tension increaser, so having the running conversation / songs seems to help distract him enough to stop him from escalating into total meltdown mode. Now with this whole seperation anxiety thing, I feel like some bad, cheesy Vegas entertainer. Constant, nattering, out of tune entertainment. I swear, I'm not cut out for this. Adds an extra layer of exhaustion when you're talking a lot (esp. for someone who is normally kind of quiet) on top of doing everything else you do. But. I will persevere. Seems to take less effort than dealing with meltdowns all day long. Though sometimes, I admit, I'm just too exhausted to play entertainer and would much rather deal with a meltdown.

@Emily: We have a mittens song ("Time to put the mittens on, the mittens on, the mittens on"), a song for every food he is eating ("B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Bananas! Bananas! Bananas! Bananas!), etc. etc. :) He always eats everything though :)

And some data points for Mums of intense/challenging/high needs kids: Even the easy going kids can and do go through these phases (though it might not seem like it from the outside). Our little guy is pretty easy going. He's been a decent sleeper since about week 9 and he's almost always in a good mood - doesn't cry / melt down much. But he has his moments. And they are almost NEVER in public. A blessing yes. But I can tell that other Mums think he's the 'perfect' baby. While he's perfect to me :), the reality is, he melts down at home. He is going through a seperation anxiety phase right now. Couldn't leave him alone in his room to sleep for 2 minutes all last night (he usually sleeps from 6 - 11 pm in his crib, in his room, no problem). While 'easy babies' may not have as intense fussy periods as their fussy counterparts, rest assured they go through these phases too!

[stacy]

my 9 month old son has seperation anxiety..he only has issues when i go to work ,my husband takes him to his mothers house for help with the little guy.he screams from almost the time he gets there to the time he leaves ...my poor motherin-law thinks the baby hates him i feel so bad for her ...so yes it is very rough at this stage ....

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[babyhawk mei tai]

Not wanting to be alone is really common in 9-month-old, because they're going through the "separation anxiety" stage

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[PJ]

My 8 months old son is going thru the same phase. I have been feeling so bad for not being a good mum (that's what people think when my bub starts crying when I put him down0. I am so thankful to all you ladies for making me feel better. I just can't stop cuddling my son after reading this article.
Thank you everyone.

[Erin]

My 9-month old daughter has also just hit this phase. I usually can't even leave the room, even if Daddy is holding her. In the mornings, when Daddy and baby walk out the door to go to daycare, she is fine. But when we have a sitter come to the house and I am the one leaving and baby is staying, then she has a fit. I can't carry her all the time, as I am 5 months pregnant with our second child and my body just cannot handle the extra weight if I were to put her in a sling or carrier while I do things.

My main concern though is my husband. When I was pregnant with our little girl, he got so worried over thinking he was going to be a bad father that he was physically ill. Now that baby screams and cries when Daddy is holding her and Mommy leaves the room, he is having a hard time from thinking that all of his worries were right. I told him that it is just a phase she is going through, but I can only imagine how painful it must be for him to be unable to comfort his own screaming baby.

How do I help him to feel better about it? How can I try to coax baby to be comfortable with Daddy again? She was totally fine with either of us up until this point.

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[nicole]

Same thing with my daughter and my husband, Erin! Help?!

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[Junaid]

Ahh baby wearing..Beautiful AND priactcal! I'm so glad you've found a couple ways that work well for you!! I have tried a couple of different slings and wraps (when other people let me borrow their babies, haha) and I have to say I love the feeling of a little babe secured tightly to my chest

[Molly]

For newborns- the tub is great using the mesh net. But they're not intanfs for long. I think I got about 4 months out of it. For intanfs (about 4 mos and up), it's pretty good for the most part. My complaint is this: my 7 mo old who is quite chunky keeps sliding down in it. Her [...] won't stay in the grooved part where they're supposed to keep it. She twists and turns and it gets slippery and she starts to slide down. Consequently, I have to keep one hand holding her crotch area to prevent her from slipping under the water. This doesn't make for easy washing w/ only one hand left to use. For that reason, I don't think it's the best. EDITED: I've owned this tub for 3 1/2 years. Used it with my first son and then with my daughter. It wasn't until about 4-5 mos after daughter's birth that I realized that I could sit my child straight up on the toddler side and then I don't have the slipping problem! Ugh. So much for my fancy college and graduate degrees!

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