Lisa writes:
"I know you've touched on some of my issues in your column, but here's a new combination: my son is 8 months old & is breastfed. About a month ago, he started taking a bottle a day of formula from my husband. About a week after that, he started taking it from me as well, so I dropped one breastfeeding session. (Previously he would usually only take a bottle of breast milk from him.) All was great until he got sick about 2 weeks ago, when he flat-out refused any kind of liquid in any kind of container except me. Now he's mostly over his coughing & sniffling, but still has no use for anything in a bottle or sippy cup. He's happy to play with them & chew on them, but won't drink from them.
In addition to the cold, he's teething like CRAZY. He got 2 teeth around 6 months & is cutting at least 4 more now. Around the time we started the formula, he had started biting me while nursing, but he had stopped with the introduction of the formula. While he was feeling the sickest, he wasn't biting, but now that he's feeling better, he's biting again.
Am I insane to even consider trying to deal with any of this until the teeth come in? Am I going to have any nipples left by that point? None of the things people have suggested for the biting do any good....when I yell, "NO BITING," he gets the biggest sh*t-eating grin you've ever seen..he knows exactly what he's doing! The very first time I yelped in pain, he cried, but not since. Fortunately, he's usually almost done when he bites, so I just sit him up & that's the end of the feeding. But YIKES! Help!"
Yowza. That's kind of a trifecta of nastiness. And I bet by now he's into the 9-month sleep regression and things are even crazier.
There's no way to be able to deal with all of this at one time, so let's separate it all out and prioritize. Personally, I think your nipples are the highest priority in this scenario. So stopping the biting is of primary importance.
Everyone's got some guaranteed way to stop the biting, until they have a second biter, at which point they've got two guaranteed ways to stop the biting... My first was an easy case. He bit me twice, at the same time each day for two days in a row. Each time I screamed in pain, pulled him off and dumped him unceremoniously off me, and buttoned up and walked away. It took two times and he stopped. My second child is much more bull-headed, and it took repetition after repetition for a week or so, until finally he stopped biting my nipples. And started biting my arm, shoulder, leg, ankle, etc. instead. Sigh. He seems to almost be coming out of his "lead with the teeth" phase, and he's 20 months now.
But enough about my wounds. I'm opening this up and asking everyone to share what worked for them to stop the biting. Someone's going to have the exact solution that will help you. It's my suspicion that the true key to stopping the biting isn't the way you react verbally, but that the feeding stops immediately.
Once you've got the biting under control, you can choose whether to deal with the bottles or not. If he's in the sleep regression or is still teething, my guess is that you're not even going to care about the bottles at this point and just want to get through this next month. If his sleep is fine and those teeth have popped, then you can go back to the bottles again.
There are plenty of kids who won't take a bottle or a sippy who will take a Nuby cup or straw cup (and be sure to read the comments). Try varying the temperature of the formula or milk to see if that makes any difference. In all likelihood, he was just on a strike because he was feeling bad. But even if he steadfastly refuses a bottle there are still plenty of options for you to try. You're probably still going to have better luck with your husband trying all this instead of you, because the breasts are just still too attractive to make any other container have any appeal while you're there.
Hang in there. The teeth will eventually come in.
Mine never took a bottle (ever) and didn't like the sippy but started with the Nuby at about 11 months. The problem -- they control the flow of the Nuby by BITING it. So she started biting my nipples once she was used to the Nuby.
Just suggesting the Nuby may not be the best idea if you are trying to stop biting -- or it may be a great idea because it gives them something they are allowed to bite.
Posted by: Swampy | January 17, 2007 at 11:04 AM
Jamie started biting at 4 months and while we had off and on again biting until about a year, what worked each time was no response other than, you're done now, and then I would have to put him down and walk away. If I just stopped nursing he'd bite my hand or arm or shoulder or whatever was handy, if I yelped or yelled he laughed. The thing that worked was removing myself from his prescence. For a minute or two, but that was enough to get his attention.
Also, when we were in the thick of a biting episode there was no comfort nursing. It sucked, but he only bit when he wasn't actively nursing. So the minute he stopped swallowing he was off the breast. Our worst period was right aroudn 8-9 months and I had to be vigilant at every feeding. Good luck!
Posted by: Ally | January 17, 2007 at 11:13 AM
We did the yelp-and-put-down approach, with degree of yelp being the uncontrolled reaction. Some times I can't help the scream coming out.. Sigh.
With Gabe, the yelp and put down scared him so badly that he would barely latch on for the rest of the day. Overkill! That was one of the early signs that he needed very gentle and quiet correction. But I was never bit again.
With Brendan, he didn't bite at all, that I recall, unless he was falling asleep at the breast, in which case, if he felt it sliding out he'd 'catch' it with his teeth. OW! For that, I just stuck my finger gently in his mouth between his gums so that the 'catch' would be my finger, instead.
With Mei and Ro, biting was entertainment for a while. Watch mommy freak out! But the calm detatch, put down approach also worked. For Rowan, I had to really close up shop to make the point. For Meriel, down was pretty serious as a reaction.
In all their cases, I picked up quickly again, and asked them if they wanted to nurse again. The point wasn't to make them cry as hard as I was, just to link 'bite=down' as closely as possible. Once bite=down was concluded, I was back and able to re-engage and comfort for their distress (the yelp and the down both cause some distress, for my kids). There was no point to making them suffer, just connect the dots. (Some kids really do need the walk away, you know your child, you decide.)
This approach worked well enough that Meriel, who still likes to poke fingernails into my without warning, will unlatch HERSELF, and climb off my lap, while crying, and then climb back up and settle back in again if I indicate at all that she's welcome to do so. Granted, she's 2, and a smart cookie, but the pattern is quite clear to her, at least!
Posted by: hedra | January 17, 2007 at 11:55 AM
My son also gave up bottles at about the same age due to a bad ear infection. He was still breast feeding, but in day care so I was very worried about him not getting enough fluids, etc. He would sip from a cup, but needed help holding it, so we used dixie cups to give him some of his fluids as well. I also gave him very, very watered down cereal, etc, to ensure enough fluids.
To help my son take to the sippy, for a while we ALL drank from sippys. We did use Nubys, and those are the ones he still prefers (although he'll drink from all of them at this point, he's now 15 months). We'd all sit down to dinner and my husband and I would pick up our sippys and say "Yum, yum, boy was I thirsty! This tastes good!" It took maybe a week or two and he was slinging those things around like he'd always used them.
Posted by: laura | January 17, 2007 at 12:15 PM
I have had on and off biting issues with my 11-month son, who also grins at the yelping. I think lots of babies actually like to watch you yelp or scream. (Look, something I can make Mom do! So exciting to watch!)
What's worked for me is to treat it like training a pet...I try not to react verbally or facially at all, but just bring down immediate physical consequences. I push his face into my breast, hard and fast, and hold him there until he lets go of the nipple. Then I put him on the floor and walk away. He usually cries a little and doesn't bite again (for a few weeks).
Posted by: Kate | January 17, 2007 at 01:19 PM
God, do all babies bite? Mine is still all gums, but I'm starting to get scared that I'm gonna lose my nips! Just exactly how hard are you guys getting bitten?? Or do I really not want to know? I want to breastfeed until at least a year!
Posted by: Emily | January 17, 2007 at 02:04 PM
I didn't want to resort to it, but the only thing that would stop Lily from biting me was to break the suction and flick her on the cheek while saying "no biting." It only took 3 times and she hasn't bit me since. Yes she cried when I did it and yes I felt bad, but sometimes I guess you just gotta do what works!
Posted by: reesh | January 17, 2007 at 02:29 PM
Mine was a biter, too - plus, she got her first 2 teeth at 3 months and just kept growing them. We weaned at about 14 months.
Whenever she bit my while nursing, I also pulled her towards me into the breast really quickly, but calmly. After she'd let go, I'd briefly unlatch her. My midwife explained that babies will chosse air over biting, and it worked like a charm (makes sense, too). Every few weeks, she'd bite me once more, but I just pulled her toward me again and unlatched her for a bit.
She had 16 teeth when we weaned and hadn't bitten me in months.
I'm now pregnant with #2, so we'll see how that goes :)
Posted by: smashedpea | January 17, 2007 at 03:08 PM
Emily, hi again! (check previous topic, LOL!)
No, not all babies bite. And not all toddlers, either. Fortunately, most babies discover that if they bite, it hurts THEM (handy that those bottom teeth come in first, which are under their tongues when they nurse...).
Oh, that reminds me of a tip I heard but never managed to employ - if you can tell that they're pulling their tongue in, you can call them on it right then, before the bite. Because to bite, they have to get their own tongue out of the way. I know one woman who could tell, and her daughter thought it was funny, so she just paid really close attention for a few days, and caught her before the bite each time, with a stern warning.
While not the same thing, for Rowan (who likes to pester her twin while nursing, which makes for miserable nursing), just placing my finger on the corner of her mouth (preparing to break her latch suction) is enough to settle her down.
Posted by: hedra | January 17, 2007 at 03:20 PM
What worked for my one kid was not to make any fuss (if possible) but tell him "no biting" and set him down and walk away. He liked the fuss. He did not like being left behind.
Then he went on to biting for attention/out of frustration and that was hellish. I did the same thing (sat him down, walked away) and I also taught him to "kiss" (it's more aggressive than that, but at least doesn't risk breaking skin) and pat gently. And got on top of the sign language thing! It mostly works although now and then he'll bite again. This too shall pass.
Posted by: Shandra | January 17, 2007 at 03:30 PM
Biting sucks! Why can't they just suck and not bite? This is what I did (during daytime nursings) and it worked. We still happily nurse at 16 months and I still have nipples. They are at my hips, but hey! :)
1. Try being very engaged with the baby while he nurses and is not biting - cuddle, pat, kiss, and talk with lots of inflection in your voice. (Don't even mention the "b" word.) Just give smiles and frequent eye contact.
2. Initially try to end the sessions with success - like Ally mentioned above - pleasantly take him off when he is done swallowing before he even has a chance to bite. Then, continue to give lots of positive attention, play, talk, cuddles to him afterwards for more reinforcement. Hey, nursing without biting is fun, fun, fun!
3. If he does bite, try your very best to be calm and not scream. Use a very flat voice with an expressionless face, and say something simple like, "You bit. All done." Very matter of factly and calmly, stop the nursing session and move on.
So, maybe being really emotional about the behavior you like, and just matter-of-fact and low-key with what you don't want will help. Maybe this could even help with the bottle or sippy cups too. If he doesn't take it - no big deal, you hardly even notice he didn't take it. But, when you catch him sipping (sometime you will) - Yahoo! Celebrate everytime.
Posted by: holly | January 17, 2007 at 03:41 PM
Babies nurse with the tongue coming over the gum ridge, so if you watch the baby very closely while nursing you will notice that the baby has to pull its tongue in before chomping down. If you're watching for it, you can slip your finger in when the tongue pulls back and pull out before the chomp. Takes some attention, but beats the bite. The low/no key verbal response plus end of nursing (even if only for a minute) got the point across for my daughter.
Posted by: AV | January 17, 2007 at 05:17 PM
It's impossible to bite and suck at the same time, so nursing is done if biting has begun. I second the advice of a firm "No biting" and down from the lap, the milkies store is closed for business. Good luck!
Posted by: Maria | January 17, 2007 at 09:17 PM
Just another version of the story. When my son started biting (also at 9 months), all my ideas and plans went out the window. I would gasp in pain. He would holler. Then I would offer again, and he would tearfully refuse. After a few days of this, he went on a full-fledged nursing strike for about 36 hours, with some sleepy middle-of-the-night exceptions. And then he just kind of figured it out, and stopped. Good luck.
Posted by: anonymous | January 17, 2007 at 11:32 PM
My 11 month old daughter liked to bite too when she was around 8 months. What I found is that normally when she did bite me it was when she was really just finished nursing and she was *playing* with my nipple. That was NOT a fun game for me. At first I tried the sreaming bloody murder when she did bite me, but like you my daughter found joy in that! So I would just recommend to really watch your son and as soon as he isn't actively nursing that feeding is over. I will tell you that once I really started paying better attention she didn't bite anymore... even when she was teeting last month.
Also in reguards to the bottle, my daughter was never a fan, but she LOVES her sippy cup. She will even take pumped breastmilk or the occasional formula from it!
Hope this helps! Good luck!!
Posted by: Lisa | January 18, 2007 at 09:17 AM
The one thing that worked really well for me with my incredibly bitey second son was to keep my hand very firmly on the back of his head/neck while he was nursing. Any yelling made him laugh (and made *me* crazy!), and putting him down resulted in a hungry baby crying for more nursing which I was physically loathe to do.
Like others have said, babies cannot bite and suck at the same time, so by keeping his head very tucked into my breast, he couldn't break his latch to pull back and bite. It only took a few nursing sessions and then he stopped even trying to pull back and bite.
Good luck - you certainly don't want to be dreading nursing sessions.
Posted by: Jane Plane | January 18, 2007 at 09:53 AM
I second/third/whatever all the advice about unlatching & putting down a biter (my eldest son was breastfed until a year) my "baby" is now nearly 8 months with 2 teeth and has just done it a couple of times. The unavoidable yelp made him smile! Tricky! I will look for the tongue movement now.
On a slight side note, I found with my eldest (now nearly 3) he always got more bitey (when feeding & actually generally) when he was teething, so often a bit of teething gel on his gums calmed him down and stopped the biting attempts (we have bonjela in the UK which I swear by). This applied even in daily life, he really suffered with his teeth & before he was able to tell me his teeth/gums hurt he would try and bite me in frustration. Not a nice habit, but he only ever did it when he was teething.
Good luck & thanks for the advice.
Posted by: Amanda | January 19, 2007 at 04:16 PM
I didn't need to put mine down and leave; he took my latch-breaking very seriously (he was appalled that I would do such a thing, clearly) so that was all we needed. I did it every single time he bit, along with a calm-but-firm "No biting." That means I did it about one thousand times the first day, and both of us cried a lot. The second day, twice. Then nothing, ever again. I was pretty impressed... he was only five months old, and I hadn't thought he could learn something like that so quickly. Shortly thereafter I started asking him to sleep all night when I put him to bed, and amazingly, it seemed to help. Babies are smart.
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When your baby can't sleep because of teething pain, there are several methods you can use to help comfort her. You can use topical medicines to anesthetize the sore gums; internal pain medications in pill or liquid form can reduce the pain perception at the level of the brain, homeopathic remedies can stimulate the body to produce its own pain relief and home remedies like cold foods, massage and things to bite on can either numb the gums or reduce the pain from pressure. You have a lot of options, and when your child is having a tough time with teething, you may want to try them all! Start with the simple things first: they often work best..
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