Reader call: depression during pregnancy and cleaning bath toys

Here are two things readers need help with today:

Amy writes:

"I just wanted to know if you got depressed with your second pregnancy? I am in my first pregnancy, 2nd trimester and very depressed. It has made me rethink getting pregnant again because it is so painful!!! I feel like I am too scared to go through this again."

I did get depressed with my second pregnancy, but nowhere near as badly as with my first. (With my first I saw a therapist to help me deal and stop having panic attacks.) The depression wasn't as severe and it didn't last through as much of the pregnancy. I think the really important thing about it, though, was that I knew it was hormonal, and was therefore just another one of those physical symptoms I had to deal with, like constant nausea and restless leg syndrome. That way it didn't really touch me the same way it had the first time through. I coudl tell myself it was an annoyance instead of a prediction or personal judgment.

Anyone else who was depressed during a first pregnancy want to share what happened during subsequent pregnancies? So many of us get depressed during pregnancy, and we really need to talk about it with each other, so your comments are very important.

And now for something completely different:

Molly writes:

"My daughter has a huge inventory of rubber and plastic bath toys. Some of them have 'blow holes' where you can squeeze water in and out of the toy. Over the course of the past few months these toys have gotten slimy, no matter how hard I try to rinse and dry them. Also, the water inside some of the toys never gets completely flushed out and I cringe to think of what microbes are flourishing in there.  I want to dunk them all in a bleach solution for the afternoon, and get the bleach inside the 'blow hole' toys, too.

What do you think?

My only worry is the possibility of residual bleach from the 'blow hole' toy coming into contact with my daughter at some point. (Of course she loves these toys the best.)

Should I just chuck them all and buy a bunch of new ones?"

I can't be the only one laughing here, because I'm betting 80% of the readers have gone through this exact same process and line of reasoning. Sucking the bleach water in to get out the black mold, but then worrying about the bleach water, and thinking the whole thing is impossible.

I have no idea. My gut feeling is that the bleach water is probably less harmful than that mysterious black slime mold, but who knows? Ultimately, I just sidestepped the problem by switching us to hard plastic boats and a bunch of "guys" (action figures) that do lots of rescue work in the tub.

Anyone else?

Comments

[Ruth]

a tea-tree oil solution would kill germs and mold, and while you certainly wouldn't want your kids drinking it, it's probably less toxic than bleach.

[Slim]

I seem to recall reading somewhere that a bleach solution adequate to sanitize your countertops could still be weak enough to ingest safely. So I'm thinking any residual bleach after an anti-mildew strike wouldn't be a problem.

Or after an anti-poop-in-the-tub strike, should you ever be so blessed.

[d. feldman]

When I worked at a medical laboratory we disinfected countertops and spills with a 1:10 bleach solution (one part bleach per 10 parts water). This won't kill hard core spore-forming things like hepatitis, but a flamethrower isn't really an option unless you're looking to bomb Rubber Ducky back to the stone age. It seems like you could rinse a 1:10 solution out of squeak holes without as much lingering bleach stink.

[anon]

Wait...the crippling anxiety isn't normal? and it is realted to depression? and maybe I can make it a little better before the pregnancy is over?

Thank you-I think I learned something very valuable today.

[Kate]

Bleach evaporates very quickly; if you mix a solution up with bleach, you're not supposed to do it more than a day in advance or it will lose it's effectiveness due to the evaporation. You're also not supposed to use hot water for a bleach solution, because it will make it evaporate even faster. So I'm guessing you can make use of these properties by rinsing your toys with hot hot water (or drying in the sun) and by waiting 1 day after washing to use them in the tub.

If you're still worried, you should also know that some of the vegetables you buy in the store have been bleached. I used to work at a vegetable farm (organic, actually) and we bleached the outside of melons (to guard against E. Coli) and wild watercress (to guard against all kinds of things in the stream). So bleach isn't really a big worry as far as human health goes.

[Brooklyn Girl]

I used to put the toys in the dishwasher figuring the heat would help sterilze them (I put them in a plastic basket) in the top tray, but then, like Moxie, chucked them in favor of non-squeeze bath toys.

[Meira]

I have a friend who's 95% of the way to her PhD in science and she doesn't even allow bleach in her house, it's so effective at killing things. So she would say 'no' to bleach. But then, she would also explain to you that feces is really clean, so make your own conclusions there . . . (giggle)

As for depression, I was very depressed during my first pregnancy (could have been paritally circumstances) and much much less depressed during my second (twins - twice the hormones?!). I was still damned grumpy, though, lol.

[Much More Than A Mom]

20 drops of tea tree oil and 2 T vinegar in a litre of water will clean and sanitize your toys quite nicely and safely. (I have posted lots of other child-safe cleaning solutions if you want them).

I didn't have any prego-drepression so can't help with that one, but I'm learning a lot by reading your comments!

[Moxie]

Hey anon, plenty of women experience a physical symptom in months 4,5, 6, etc. that makes their nervous system go into high gear. It creates an exact replica of a panic attack. I got them a few times in my first pregnancy, but every time I tried to lie down and take a nap during my second pregnancy. Good times. The only saving grace was that I knew it was just physical. Otherwise I would have thought I was having some kind of anxiety disorder. I don't know if there's anything that can be done to alleviate them. Eventually I just stopped trying to take a nap so I wouldn't trigger that reaction. For me it was better to be chronically exhausted than thinking I was panicking. YMMV.

[kirsten]

I suffer from chronic depression and I was really depressed my first pregnancy. My midwife prescribed Wellbutrin in the 2nd trimester and I have no regrets. Omega 3s also helped in the form of cod liver oil. I felt like a new woman and continued the regimine through 1 year of breastfeeding. I was able to avoid PPD this way. I debated with my lactation consultants over the bf and wellbutrin which possibly (just a small chance) reduced my milk supply after 4 months. All told, my baby was the easiest ever, sleeping 12 hours a stretch from 2 months and continues to show no ill effects. The bonus is that I am also happy and mentally healthy. I am again 6 months pregnant doing the same thing. Best wishes!

[AmyinMotown]

Depression and pregnancy:

I have only had the one pregnancy and was kind of depressed, but I will say mine mostly manifested itself as anxiety and PMS-like weepiness. I remember posting on my blog when I was like seven months about being such a big weepy puddle and anything could set me off. My doctor was completely unhelpful. If I am ever so lucky as to get pregnant again, I'm following the Omega-3 plan very early on.

As far as bath toys--I soaked them in a weak bleach solution after our own lovely poop-in-the-tub situation, then soaked them again in water and then ran water through like we would in the tub.

[anon]

Really, Thank you. I have felt incredibly anxious from the very beginning. Even my husband says that he knew I was pregnant before the positive test because I was kind of crazy (He means it in a supportive way). I can put on a very good front in public and he is the only one that I have told about my anxiety. I did think that it was a little strange, but on the edge of normal for a first baby. I have managed to keep myself afloat thinking that maybe it will go away with each passing trimester-now I think about it as it will probably only last 7-9 more weeks.

Anyway, Thank you.

[Jessica]

Hmm- Yeah, I actually feel more depressed with this (my fourth pregnancy, second which will *hopefully* go to term) than I did with the last one. Oh brief history- two miscarriages, then a healthy pregnancy during which I felt a good deal of anxiety, naturally given my previous experiences, and now, finally (that is the plan) a twin pregnancy. Anyway, yeah, I've felt more depression during this pregnancy, also occurring more in the second trimester which just ended. Let's hope the third is better.

[Mrs. Flinger]

OH, thank you so much. Just yesterday I drafted a post about how much more depressed I am THIS pregnancy as opposed to my first. I feel like post partum depression but just a wee bit early (I'm 15 weeks). I'm so glad to see this topic because I never posted my draft. I felt too isolated and silly to even complain about it during "this joyful time" of puking and gaining weight and eating all. the. time.

[luolin]

One thing I learned in my first ivf cycle was that the hormones could cause a meltdown that was frighteningly similar to some of the bad times I had years earlier when I was clinically depressed. Once I realized the cause, it was easier to deal with because I knew I'd be off the stims soon.

I know the past depression makes for a higher risk of PPD or depression in pregnancy, so I really appreciate all your posts on combatting ppd.

[Purple_Kangaroo]

Yep. I just avoid the toys with holes, too. The rubber duckeis go in the playroom, not in the bath.

[jen]

I had antenatal and postnatal depression with my son (now 16mo). The antenatal depression was pretty severe, to the point that I was prescribed Prozac in the 2nd trim., despite being pregnant. It didnt work for me, but didn't seem to have any effects on my son (very laid back and happy boy). It was a hard decision to get pg again, as the PPD was severe and long lasting (from 4 months to 13 months).

I didn't take any ADs for the PPD because I was breastfeeding until 14mo, and I didn't want to be playing around finding something that worked for me at the same time. I may well take ADs if I get PPD next time round, as it was VERY tough, and I don't think I could cope with 2 under 2 plus PPD! I had counselling, but too little too late.

I have had some depression this time round, I am only just going into the 2nd trim., and hope that it is less severe this time. I certainly feel less depressed, if not less anxious.

Certainly a lot of the reasons last time were situational (wedding, house move plus job issues) - co-reacting badly with the hormones - so fingers crossed it won't be as bad again! At least this time round I won't have my mother in law staying with us for 3 months - enough to send anyone into a tailspin, PPD or not ;)

Interesting re the squeezy toys - I had wondered about that, but figured that with 2 cats in the house, my son is going to ingesting a lot worse in the next few years whether I clean up his bath toys or not!! The day I find him holding a mouse will be the day I start worrying less about bath toys!!

[Melanie]

We've got a bath full of those sponge-y alphabet letters and they get feeling slimy every once in awhile. I put them through a cycle of the washing machine - I figure if she can spend all day with the hem of her dress in her mouth and not bite it (ok, bad pun), then using the washer for bath toys should be ok.

I'm hesitating to post this now ... worrying that I'll find out I'm doing something really dangerous!

[surcie]

I had a lot of anxiety during my pregnancy and had no idea it was physical because I'd never heard anyone talk about it before. What a relief it would've been to know it's common.

[Zinemama]

Re: bath toys. I remember reading the solution to this in an East Village Inky long ago. I've forgotten it, but Ayun Halliday has the answer. www.ayunhalliday.com

[Menita]

Ah hindsight. I've only recently come to realize how deeply depressed I was during my first succesful pregnancy (after 4 failed IUIs and 2 IVFs that ended in loss). After my DD was born my depression was debilitating and I had frequent panic attacks. It took me a couple of months to get help, and I overcame it fairly soon.
In my second pregnancy I did everything I could to prevent PPD (and I"m pretty sure I wasn't depressed during the pregnancy itself) so it took me by complete surprise when it happened. But this time I got meds right away, and skipped the therapy as I knew exactly what was wrong.

About the bath toys - I keep tossing and getting new rubber ducks at the dollar store around the corner.

[Rayne of Terror]

I just toss all the bath toys in the clothes washer every once in a while on hot. Good enough for me.

[hedra]

Bath toys - I try to get rid of the ones with the squeeze holes, too. There's one that I haven't managed to snag yet, but they don't squeeze it (it is a truck), so I'm just letting that one be.

I wasn't depressed (or at least no more than typical for me) during pregnancy, but I did have anxiety each time. For me, that seemed to be both physical (hormones, joy joy joy) and one of the signs of transition.

Y'all may have read that in the transition stage of labor (as the cervix opens fully and you go from 'contractions-labor' to 'pushing'), there's typically a period of really overwhelming DOUBT. This is an emotional marker of the stage, and midwives will use this reaction in the mom to register that things are about to change. For me, it isn't DOUBT ('I don't think I can do this!'), but CERTAINTY ('I'm *POSITIVE* I can't do this!!!!'). LOL!

Well, after I'd done that in labor once, I realized the same emotional marker showed up at other 'transition' points for me as well. The 'oh crud, there's no way out at this point, I'm stuck, I'm going to just HAVE to see this through to the end' point is transition. And it comes with the same exact panic, self-doubt, scrambling to get someone else to take on the task for me ('help, please!'), attempts to prove I'm not capable (sabotage), etc. If I just sit back and observe myself freaking out, I can go 'oh, hey, transition! Okay, I know where I'm at, and I'm about to be able to do it even though right now I think I can't, so if I just ride it out a bit, I'll be fine.'

I hit transition several times in pregnancy. First, when I really click that I'm pregnant and that it is likely to stick. Okay, stuck now, have to carry on! ACK! Then, later, when I realize that I'm going to have to go through labor again (even though I'm one of those freaks who loves childbirth, I always have panic attacks that I somehow won't be able to cope this time...). And also when I realize (at whatever point) that I'm going to be a mom (or a mom AGAIN, or a mom of twins, etc.), and that there's no way in heck I'm going to be able to do that, do it right, do it well, etc. ACK! ACK!

And then I get through it, and carry on, and blunder my way along, and survive, and do at least a half-decent job of it most of the time, and sometimes a great job of it.

I also get the transition anxiety when I'm changing jobs, when I'm almost done with a project, etc. Same points, just different process. I go through the self-doubt (or certainty), all over again.

If it is crippling or scary, then there's nothing wrong with reaching for help. That's, IMHO, the POINT of this phase - you need to reach out for help, support, connection, guidance, etc. In the end you still are doing it 'yourself' (that is, your body is stil the body that is having the baby, no matter how it is born), but asking for help is normal. You can also un-ask, too. I've done that, and it works. (I need an epidural. No, wait, never mind, transition, forget it!)

Anyway, thought that thinking of it that way might be useful for some of your readers, Moxie.

[DadEO]

This a great video on Poop in the Tub for parents. From DadLabs.com.
http://www.dadlabs.com/general_parenting/bathtime101_poop_in_the_tub.html

Enjoy!

[Panic disorders]

Such worries can also take their own form and are frequently described as anticipatory attacks. Although confused with each other, there are hardly any similarities between panic disorders and agoraphobia.

[Nike Vandal]

The man who has made up his mind to win will never say "impossible ".