Q&A: 2 1/2-year-old swearing

Pam writes:

"Can you help?  I do not know what to do or where to turn. My 2 ½ year old seems to be swearing constantly, at home and in public situations play group, shopping etc.  I have tried naughty spot, explaining that mummy does not like those words and it upsets me and even smacking I am ashamed to say – to no avail.

What can I do – help!!"

If it makes you feel better, we've all been there. And, of course, felt like horrible parents because our precious little one sounds like sailor.

I've got two suggestions. The first is to stop swearing yourself (and get other people in your house to stop swearing, too), if you can. (Read my tale of woe here, at the bottom of the post.) If you can do it, it might cut down on his urge to swear, of at least he won't know as many swear words.

The bigger suggestion, though, is to ignore it. At that age kids don't have any idea what they're saying, so the difference between an actual swear word and any funny-sounding word (like "underpants") is only determined by the reaction of the adults around him. The more you react, the more he'll keep swearing to get a rise out of you. Think about it--if you could absolutely freak out your partner just by saying a certain word, wouldn't you do it again and again and again just to get a rise out of him? I totally would, which is probably why I enjoy 2 1/2-year-olds as much as I do.

You can ignore it every time he says a swear word, and within a few days I'll bet saying those words will lose its appeal. Or, you could decoy him with some other, innocuous words, to see if you can get him to switch to those instead.  Pick a word or two that he says every once in awhile, and the next couple of times he says those words, give him a big "No, we never say that word!" reaction. I bet he'll switch from "@#%*!" to "biscuits!" faster than you can get out the soap to wash out his mouth.

(If your problem is a preschooler using "potty talk," here are the suggestions to stop that. It's harder to stop with older kids who know what the words mean.)

Comments

[Shandra]

I'm not there yet, so I have no advice whatsoever but I thought I would share a story. When my sister was four or so my mother met with our minister to go over the Sunday School curriculum, 'cause my mother was in charge of it. My sister went up to the minister and said very seriously, "I know God's WHOLE name." So he said, "really? What is God's whole name?" and she said "God. Damn. It."

So there you go, everyone's been there. :-)

[flea]

When my baby half-brother was 2 and started swearing, the grown-ups blamed my brother, then 8. Until the day the baby said, at the dinner table, "What the hell are you doing, shit-for-brains?" And we all looked at my father.

No this is not advice. Except, please never say "what the hell are you doing, shit-for-brains" to your kids.

[joline]

I agree with Moxie! I cant expect my children to not say words that my DH and I say. SO if they should come out with one, I dont even react. I just make a note to self to cut it out!
By the time my eldest was 4 she was lecturing ME on my language. She cussed briefly before her 2nd birthday but then stopped. It didnt come up again till 5th grade.

[sammysona]

I agree too. I mean, it is our own fault that my 2 1/2 yr old says the "f" word because he didn't get it from a stranger. We don't say things like this all the time because this is what we were worried about but somehow they catch onto the things you don't want them to.
We have tried ignoring it, but it seemed then he said it whenever (and wherever) he wanted. Then I tried telling him that those words are inappropriate and they sound horrible coming from his mouth and that no one would let their kids play with him if he used those words....well, that didn't work either. Now I am trying the time out but it seems to have fueled the fire even more. I honestly don't know what to do. When we're at the grocery store I have to keep refocusing his attention to other things when he starts jabbering words because I am afraid something will be in the midst of all the nonsense words=(
The moral of this story: Try not to swear in front of or within earshot of your kids!!

[Felicity]

My 2/half year old picked up words from his dad. I ask my DH to stop using them, at least the worst ones but he's not good at filtering his mouth (he's a tradie!). So I told my little boy these are not nice words and we don't say them. Now he tells off his dad if he hears him! "Don't say that daddy!" and my DH apologizes for the slip up :)