Ask Moxie: Q frequency of post-partum sex

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Reader K. writes:

"I'm 37 and my wife 24, married last year July, have one baby about 6 months...can we have sex daily?..is there any medical issue....if I do that..I feel weakness.. like back ache, sleepy in office, headache..but problem is I am ready for another shot.

This problem is not regular but started since last week when I took Viagra pill for overcoming my premature ejaculation problem...which is very regular since 5 months."

I can certainly sympathize, since if I had a 6-month-old and was having sex every day I'd probably feel weak and sleepy at the office, too.

Seriously, though, as far as I know there's no restriction on frequency of sex at 6 months postpartum. Usually postpartum sex issues are with the mother, but once the mother is cleared for sex and meets the conditions most people are more or less ready to go. "The conditions," as they were told to me by a midwife I love, are that 1) the mother has to be done with the post-partum bleeding, 2) all cuts or tears must be healed, and 3) she has to feel like having sex. As you can see, meeting these three conditions could intersect with the 6-week mark everyone thinks is so magical, but the don't necessarily have to. I am absolutely not aware of any restrictions on sex for men after the birth of a baby with regards to the reproductive organs.

(You don't mention if your wife wants to have sex every day, but I can only assume that she's happy with the frequency of sex you're having. If she wasn't, your question would be "How do I convince my wife to have sex every day?" instead of wondering if it's medically advisable. If, by some chance, she's not happy about having sex every day, then please negotiate for a frequency that you both enjoy.)

One explanation is that you're just tired out from working and having a young baby. Having a baby adds another full-time (at least) job on to whatever a person is already doing. Before kids, you can work, have dinner, do errands or chores, have sex, and still go to bed at a reasonable time. Once you have a baby, you have to squeeze sex in around everything else, and you often don't even get to start until you're already exhausted from everything else you have to do. That makes for a big sleep deficit, and could make you sleepy at the office and headachy.

However, you say that this all started when you started taking the Viagra. I looked up side effects of Viagra, and sure enough, headache and backache are side effects, as is light-headedness (scroll all the way down toward the bottom). You're having side effects of the Viagra.

You should call your doctor and talk to him/her about the side effects and see if there's any other treatment for the premature ejaculation that you can try, or if it's possibel to adjust the dose to eliminate the negative effects but maintain the beneficial ones. (Please, please tell me you started taking the Viagra under a doctor's supervision. Recreational Viagra use is just so Footballers' Wives. And if there's some underlying medical cause of the premature ejaculation a doctor could help treat that instead of masking it with the little blue pill.)

If there's nothing else that works as well for the premature ejaculation, you're going to have to decide if the side effects of the Viagra are bad enough for you to stop taking it. I'd recommend that you make this decision with your wife, since your health (and by that I mean the headaches and backaches, but also your mood and your sexual satisfaction) affects all three of you in your family. I could tell you what I'd probably choose, but I'm not you. (I also think that men and women tend to weigh these things differently, as evidenced by the mating habits of the preying mantis, but that's neither here nor there.)

The good news is that it sounds like all your worrysome symptoms are caused by the Viagra. I hope you and your doctor and wife can come up with a solution that lets you have sex as often as you want to without causing you physical pain.

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