Toby writes:
"I have a 20 month old with a long history of sleep issues (short naps, no naps, etc). We had a good stretch a while back -- she went to bed at 7:00 and slept a good 11 - 11 1/2 hrs (still does), and took a 2 hour nap. The 2 hour nap lasted about a month (right after she went from 2 naps to 1). Since about April, she has reduced her nap time to 45 minutes, sometimes less. I feel 45 minutes is not enough sleep, she gets a little cranky. I've tried to adjust nap time and bedtime, but the nap continues to end after 45 minutes. Everyone else I've talked to with children this age gets a 2 hr (on average) nap. (By the way, I have twins and my other 20 month old takes a 2-3 hour nap). I've tried leaving her in her bed and letting her cry but she screams bloody murder and doesn't go back to sleep. I've read everything I can get my hands on about sleep and children and your website is the only thing I've seen that addresses this issue (she was almost 18 months when this started). It's been three months, how do I get her back on track so she gets enough sleep and I don't go crazy."
I'm going to need some help with this one from parents of multiples. I'm afraid my suggestions might be tough to implement with another child the same age in the house, so any tips on juggling two conflicting nap schedules are welcome.
The first thing I'd do is check for environmental factors. Is your daughter eating anything that could be giving her reflux or tummy distress or keep her awake? (Think acidic things like citrus or tomato--especially ketchup--or the common allergens like wheat, dairy, corn, artificial colors and flavors, and artificial sweeteners.) Even things that don't affect your other child could be a problem for her that makes it physically impossible for her to sleep for long.
Then I'd try to help her relax into sleep. She's probably a little young to drink Just For Kids Nighty Night tea (you'd have better luck with that with a kid over the age of 2, unless you have one of those toddlers who will actually drink hot tea), but it's not too early for homeopathics. I've had some success with the Hyland's formulation Calms Forte 4 Kids. It has homeopathic ingredients that help them relax their bodies and minds enough to fall asleep. If you can't find the Calms Forte, try chamomilla pellets. Homeopathy has no side effects, so it's safe for babies and kids. Even if you don't think homeopathics do anything, they still give you the opportunity to try the placebo effect by telling your daughter that the tablets will help her fall asleep.
Make sure she's getting enough exercise in the morning to be tired out enough to sleep, but watch out for activities that could be making her too excited or anxious to relax into sleep. If you're using TV or videos to help your kids wind down into naps, reexamine what you're showing, because it could be helping one child relax but riling up the other one, so you may need something more bland.
I wonder if it would help if you could lie down with her to get her to fall asleep. She may need a little help making the transition to the Land of Nod. I think it's a fairly common practice among SAH parents of toddlers to lie down with them to help them calm down when they've been riled up too much to drift off easily. The clear and present danger here, of course, is that you'll fall asleep, too. Which is probably good for your body, but isn't going to help with the laundry situation, and could be disastrous since you have another toddler in your house.
If you had a singleton, I'd tell you to try driving or strolling her to sleep for the nap (and then driving or strolling for as long as it took to keep her to sleep for at least an hour). If it worked, I'd tell you to do it at the same time every day for a couple of weeks until she'd gotten into the habit of falling asleep and sleeping for a decent stretch at that time every day. I can't really imagine how you could do this with multiples without incurring a lot of confusion, extra work, and back strain, but if you find yourself with an extra adult during the day for a few days, you might try it to see if it helps.
Also, examine your weekend schedule. Are things so exciting on the weekends that your daughter gets out of the habit of sleeping and can't get back into it again during the week?
That's what I can think of. Any parents with multiple-specific suggestions or insights?
With a younger baby (under a year) I've had some success with the 'wake to sleep' thing - you wake them up a tiny bit (bang the door, roll them over, whatever) just before the 45 minute mark (around 30 mins) and they go off again - it kind of restarts their sleep cycle and after a few days of this they seem to get in the habit of sleeping longer again. I've also tried sitting by baby and patting/stroking him through the wake-up moment, which is harder, I think.
Posted by: londoner | August 22, 2006 at 08:48 AM
I have b/g twins that are two and a half. This sounds very familar as my daughter has always been a poor sleeper. We've gone through several rough patches where she'll stop napping completely. She plays in her crib quietly for an hour and then gets so loud I have to go get her so she doesn't wake her brother.
I think our longest stretch of no naps was six weeks. I have no idea if what I did worked or if it was her needing more sleep that snapped her out of it.
I moved naptime to an hour later -- approximately seven hours after waking in the morning and I tried to keep her on the same schedule as her brother. She (when skipping naps) had a tendancy to sleep in later in the morning making up for lost sleep. Not allowing her to sleep in later may have helped. I don't know.
Right now we are in a great pattern. She goes to sleep right away and sleeps for two hours solid. (Knocking on wood feverishly for just typing that!)
I hope that helps some. Sounds like you are doing everything right and you just need to hang in there, keep trying, take a deep breath when she's crabby and hope she "snaps out of it" soon. Good luck.
Posted by: Kris | August 22, 2006 at 09:48 AM
We had a period of car naps for everyone, although I think it was a little earlier (13-15 months? I can't remember). By 20 months, I also put kids down for naps in separate rooms -- we had cribs in the nursery and the master bedroom (thanks to lending friends) and I used a pack-n-play, too. The 45-minute wake up time seems like a classic moment for kids to wake up but not really be done napping, so I agree that something needs to be done, but I have no idea what it might be. I can tell you that I fell asleep during naps lots of times and it wasn't any more trouble with three toddlers than with one -- they were all in cribs, after all. (They were on a king-sized mattress on the floor for bedtime sleep, but that just didn't work at naptime.)
Are you getting enough fresh air? It's a lot harder to get outside with multiple toddlers than with singletons, or so I found, and yet fresh air can make a big difference for sleep.
Sorry I can't help more.
Posted by: Jody | August 22, 2006 at 09:59 AM
I don't know how to say this without coming off as snarky... But... If at 20 months my kids slept through the night for 11 hours and only had a short nap - I'd take it.
Seemed like with my kids, if they got too much sleep during the day, the'd be up in the night. If they got too little sleep, they'd be up at night. A no win situation!
Right now, with my 4 year old, we're opting out of nap - otherwise he's up until 11 pm. I can't do that! He does well most of the day, with the exception of 5 to 5:30. Hungry, tired, fussy, but after 5:30 it's gone and he's fine until bed. I'll take that 1/2 hour, knowing that he'll go to bed at a reasonable hour.
I think the most important thing to remember here is that all kids operate differently. Some may be fine with a short nap, others need a longer one. Maybe after the short nap, you could just have cuddle time - a couple times my 2 yr old has gotten up early from nap, crawled in my lap, and fell back asleep. I think I probably slept a little too!
Good luck!
Posted by: Gretchen | August 22, 2006 at 01:17 PM
I was just coming here to email you a question about this same problem in my 6.5-month old singleton.
He wakes in the morning around 8, two hours later he's fussy, I put him down and get 45 minutes from him. His afternoon nap around 1:30, the same thing, 30-45 minutes. He'll take a third nap in the late afternoon and you guessed it, 30-45 min.
It's driving me insane. I work at home and desperately need a stretch of 2 hours to get shit done. He's occasionally taken longer naps of 2-3 hours, but those only happen after I catch him waking at the 30-minute mark and nurse him back to sleep on the boppy on my lap. Where I then type over his head for the next two hours, occasionally offering the boob or pacifier if he stirs.
So I have no advice, just a similar problem. I have looked at all the other factors too and I can't explain this. His overnight sleep is 8-3 or 4 in his crib, nurse, 4-8 with two nursings in there co-sleeping in our bed.
Any insight Moxie?
Posted by: SprengBlingBling | August 22, 2006 at 02:36 PM
No multiples, but I can sure as heck reassure you that not all 20-month-olds take 2-hour naps!! My daughter had never heard of a nap longer than 1 1/4 hours until she was about 2...and then it becaume a problem because she'd go down that long at daycare and then be cheerfully awake and engaged until 9:30 or 10...which would mean we'd have to wake her in the morning and she'd be a little short, so then she'd take a long nap at daycare, not be sleepy in the evening...vicious cycle until Friday. We don't nap her on weekends and she happily goes to bed about 8 and sleeps well. Same if she happens to skip at daycare...can't freakin' wait until this nap rigmarole is fully over!
Anyway, that's a digression. Back when she napped at home, f she would wake up at 45 mins (that happened fairly often) we'd try to rush in at the very first squeak and do some kind of soothing before she got fully awake. Patting, nursing, whatever. Sometimes that worked...not always.
Posted by: Charisse | August 22, 2006 at 03:46 PM
Maybe she's just not a napper. I stopped napping well before my first birthday, and have many memories of lying on my cot in preschool, awake and bored, waiting for naptime to be over.
As an adult, I cannot take a nap to save my life. Seriously, I am six months pregnant and I cannot fall asleep during the day. I have to be seriously ill to take a nap, and even then I wake up feeling horrible.
The up side to all this (according to my mom) was that I would fall asleep at 7:30 and sleep for 12 hours.
I'm sure this is not what you want to hear. With twins, I would be looking for a way to get a break during the day, too. But just realize that it doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong. This just may be the way that your daughter is.
Posted by: lisa | August 22, 2006 at 05:05 PM
I have b/g twins who are 5, but I remember (fondly) the napping stage. I followed Moxie's suggestion and loaded them both in the car and drove. (It was winter time so this worked better than the stroller. Also, with the stroller there are more distractions.) When they both fell asleep, I stopped the car and read my book and drank my tea.
Other suggestions:
- I'd give the "awake" one a number of books/toys and called it "quiet time."
- Music. I remember playing a lovely lullaby CD and letting my son sleep on the floor in front of the stereo. (Hey, he was asleep.) In fact, I would hit the "repeat" button so that the CD would play long enough.
- Oh, I'd settle the sleepier child first and then worry about the more awake child. To keep it safe, I'd put the awake child in a safe area--our living room was a gated community--with toys then settle child A before worrying about repeating the process.
Hope some of this helps.
Posted by: MJ | August 22, 2006 at 05:19 PM
Just a comment on car naps--my 2 year old is up and down on napping at home and will fall asleep in the car, but never ever for more than 45 minutes, even if she is completely exhausted. (OTOH a 45 minute nap doesn't mess with an early bedtime.)
Your mileage may vary :-)
Posted by: Kate | August 22, 2006 at 10:16 PM
When our son was that age, he started refusing naps. As long as he stayed relatively quiet, we were okay with it. He likes flipping through books, so we let him "read" them during nap. Eventually he started walking over to the bookcase and getting more books. But, generally he stayed quiet in bed and when he got to fussy, we know it was time for him to wake up. As long as she's sleeping well at night, I probably would not push the naps that hard. As a side note, his twin sister rarely wakes up no matter how loud he is.
Posted by: Mike | August 24, 2006 at 02:31 PM
I've got 21 month old twins (plus two older kids), and I can say that naps are highly individual. (My kids have ranged from 1-2 naps daily at this age, totally different times, and from 20 minutes to 3 hours per nap, depending on the kid!) However, I can also say that a TIRED kid who doesn't nap needs some help.
If you're seeing signs of tiredness, you may be taking too long before starting the nap. One of my kids shows very very subtle signs of needing a nap (an increase in activity, in her case!), and if she runs too long past that point, she's going on adrenaline. No way she'll nap well at that point! Try starting an hour earler. This may mean no 'joint naps' for a while, though. But you're not getting much joint napping now, either!
Second thing: Definitely check for health issues. My oldest napped poorly, and slept poorly as well. Turned out he had neck problems (bad position in labor may have played a role), and 'silent' reflux (no symptoms I recognized, but his body didn't react well to being horizontal). He snored, was very active while sleeping, and sweated at night. All those may indicate a health problem. Once his neck was fixed, he slept pretty well. Once the reflux was medicated, he slept even better. Too bad it took me 4 years to figure it out!
Third: Temperature. My kids all have totally different preferences for sleep temp. Two of my kids regulate their temp poorly. One of them needs to have the room cool to sleep (very cool!). Another needs the room warm. The other two manage a range of temps easily.
And hang in there - There's another fussy stage around 20 months (after the end of the ones in the Wonder Weeks book noted in another posting here), so you're likely to have a struggle in nap time anyway for a few weeks.
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