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Comments

Meira

I was pretty concerned that I would get too emotionally involved in the toilet training process (that, and I had a friend who's training went bad resulting in her son crying in the bathroom, in the dark, cleaning up his own diarhhea). The point being that I decided it was going to be his project, I'd give him plenty of info and help if he asked, but that was basically it. And a month after he turned FOUR, he came to us and said "I used the potty!" and we put him in underwear and never looked back.
I'm not neccessarily recommending this "method", I don't know what I will do with the twins (currently 16 mos) but I just wanted to point out that 3 isn't so late.

Ami

I wholeheartedly agree with the 'let the kid decide' method. My oldest had the decision made for him by me, the daycare provider, and all my relatives who said 'a kid needs to be trained by age 2.5' He wet the bed until he was six, he had accidents on occasion during the day until he was 5, and it was really a lot of work for no reason. My second child, who was home with me at that stage, showed no interest until about a month after she turned three. Then she said she wanted to use the potty like big people. Never wet at night again, had ONE accident during the day.

Kate

My son was almost 4 by the time he was potty trained - due to a mixture of me slacking, and him getting bored and/or frusterated. What ended up working for me was anticipating school. I took him on a tour of a local elementary school, and let him play on the playground. Then I talked to him about it. I told him he was almost old enough to go to school, but he needed to be potty trained first. Potty training still did not happen overnight, but it was a definate boost.

You are not alone!

joline

Three is absolutely NOT late for some children in potty training.
THey decide when to learn to walk. YOu dont see moms beating themselves when their baby doestn walk till 15 months because they failed to "Teach" them.
They decide when to talk. THey decide just about everything about their development.
And even when we as parents try to decide for them, sometimes it works because the child is ready anyway, sometimes it doesnt work becasue the child is not.
For every child that was promptly trained with no hassles at or about age 2 there are three more who just didnt get it at all no matter how much mom pulled out her own hair over it.
With my oldest daughter I was of the "if a child isnt potty trained by age 2 she has lazy parents" mindset. And I happenned to have an early trainer who let me keep thinking it. She was out of diapers even overnight before her second birthday. But potty training was pretty much a 6 month ordeal.
WIth my oldest son I tried things the same way but no matter how many times he peed in the potty, once I put underwear on him he would pee in them. I pretty much gave up over the winter because I couldnt let him be naked from the waist down all day. Then as he approached his third birthday I told him that 3 year olds had to wear underwear. And I managed to get his commitment.
You see toilet training takes two things from the child. 1. The physical maturity to do it, and 2. The desire .
Knowing how to potty is only half the battle.
SInce your daughter is 3 and she has had some luck with rewards I would try to find some way to convince her that she really WANTS to potty inthe potty every time. Once she has made the commitment, your work is done, she will pretty much handle the rest.
I now have 2 1/2 year old twins and my son knows how to potty but hasnt committed yet and his twin sister declares that she is still a baby and shows no interest. This will be interesting. I would like them to be out of diapers. But it simply isnt important enough or worth all the work to push the issue.
Good luck and let go of your anxiety!!!
You could do absolutely nothing. Nada. And your child will STILL become toilet trained.
And I am pretty certain that the horror stories of children in kindergarten not being potty trained arent because their parents didnt push them but because maybe they pushed too hard.
Good luck! You are doing fine.
Joline

rachel

My older 2 were 3 1/2 (each, they aren't twins) when they self-trained. One day they wanted to use the potty rather than diapers. I made it No Big Deal, because I'd rather change diapers than race around finding a public bathroom.

We had a lot fewer accidents than kids who were "trained" at 2. They chose the cool new panties and just started wearing them.

My youngest won't be 3 until August, and she trained herself this past weekend. Now to see if she's ok out of the house...

Kate

Neither of my boys were diaper-free till a few months after they turned three, and while I'd have been happier if they'd gotten a clue sooner, it never occurred to me to consider this situation a reflection on me as a mother. Don't you do that, either!

There are those who have methods, and they obviously work for lots of folks, and there are those who subscribe to the "they will when they're ready" school of thought. I think you need to decide which approach you'd like to adopt, and then, relax.

You are neither inept, a slacker, awful, or in any danger of being tossed out of the Mothers of America club for this. In fact, what I'd say is, welcome to the club!

Good luck.

el-e-e

These stories are REALLY REALLY helpful! Please keep 'em coming!! My little boy just turned 2 so this is definitely on my mind. I've been of the "he will when he's ready" camp, but I do wonder how best to help him along when I work full-time. The daycare, sadly, has not been very helpful (yet) in this issue. Granted, he's just 2, but he's been able to pee on the potty since 19 months. We go every night before bed and that's enough for me at this point.

Anyway, more stories please!

Ani

My neighbor, a child development specialist who has trained scores of autistic and mentally damaged children, has only recently been able to potty-train her own youngest, at almost 4!

The child will eventually do it, on his/her own time. And there are no extra mom-points for potty training early. The downside of potty training is...public restrooms. So, relax and enjoy knowing your child will get there eventually.

Asha

My daughter pooped in her potty once at about 2 1/2, looked shocked by what she had done (despite our mellow attitude about the whole thing), and spent the rest of the evening cuddling in my lap and needing comfort. For some reason, it really scared her.

She has just turned 3 and now abjectly refuses to even consider the potty or anything that looks like underwear (despite the sparkles and beguiling Disney Princesses adorning said panties). I tried letting her go diaper-free, and she got more and more agitated and upset as the day wore on (clearly because she had to go and was afraid to).

As much as she's physically ready, she obviously isn't emotionally ready, and, although I'm not thrilled about it, my plan is to just let her decide.

Alice

I have two daughters who are very close in age (4 1/2 months apart, thanks to the miracle of adoption). We took the "when they are ready approach" and the older one (at just over 3) was partially trained and the younger not at all, when I realized their new day care was expecting them to be trained when they started in early July. We had some miscommunication about this, so I only realized this in early June. We decided that an upcoming vacation would be 5 days of constant parent time, and we told them that there would be no diapers. They wore diapers on the plane and that was it. We brought lots of clothes and new underwear, and we expected them to wear diapers to bed, but they decided that no diapers meant no diapers. We had quite a few accidents, gave out a lot of jelly beans (our reward for each use of the potty) but by the end of the trip, they were both wearing panties. They are very proud of themselves.
I do have one disagreement with your advice, Moxie, which is that I think the thick training pants feel too much like diapers. We had an accident every time we put them on. Giving up on those was a big step forward for us.

Amy F

I have two sons, 28 months and 4 months, and the baby pees in the potty more often than the 2 year old. I think the idea to train them both at once is great, if for no other reason than wiping pee off the floor for two kids isn't much worse than doing it for one.

My two year old has been able to pee on the potty since he was about 21 months--I can tell he's pushing and knows what's happening--but he just doesn't care enough to get to a potty when he has to go. This week, I'm trying to keep him in either underwear or bare-butt whenever we're home to see whether that kick-starts some desire to initiate potty use (he'll go if we suggest it). We've been putting the baby on the potty since he was 7 weeks old and catch about half his pees and most poops. At this point, I'd be excited if I could get the toddler to poop in the potty so I'd be done with poopy diapers. We'll see.

Lulie

I have a 4 yr old boy. I work 2 jobs, 1 I work from home. I started potty traing at around 2 yrs. He did really good at peeing in the potty but when it comes to pooping in the potty he just refuses to go. He knows what it feels like when he has to go and he has went to the potty before but only if I took away his underwear. Know he started going in his pnats without having underwear on. I don't know what to do I have tried everything from charts with stickers to prizes and nothing works. He's about to start preschool this year and I know that if he goes in his pnats in school that I'll have to pull him out. Any suggestions on what to do would be great. Thank you.

Ila Lavont

My grandson just turned four, and has used the potty for some time. He had previously agreed that when he reached that last birthday, he would begin to use the big potty. The screaming, holding in of body fluids, etc. is a nightmare. His mother and I have tried stickers for trying, special treats, etc., he adamantly refuses to use the potty. He is the only one in his preschool class who does not use the regular potty (he does not go when he's in school.) any suggestions?

Jody

My son will be 3 in less than a week. There have been several occasions at nursery school where he "had a dry day". He will pee at school (I don't think he's pooped yet) however, he won't do it at home anymore. We went through a short time where he was going to the toilet on his own - and now, nothing! I'll casually ask him now and then to see if he wants to go, and he never does. It's really reassuring to read all of your comments, and know that he isn't the only 3 year old.. especially when we tend to compare them to friends children, etc.. I also have 20 month old daughter who is still in diapers. I may try to get her going with the potty learning too - ahhhh!! It's so difficult when I work full-time and can't be with them during the day! I'm hoping something will click soon. We read potty books, have a potty, and a "potty seat" for the toilet, a potty DVD, etc.. My gut feeling these days has been to just back off. To be continued...........

Carrie

I just moved to a new state with no friends or relatives on the east coast. My husband has started a new job and we have two children ages 29 months and 13 months. My son, the 29 month old doesn't talk and isn't potty trained. He doesn't show any interest in his potty chair and never lets me know that he needs to go potty or poop. Any advice would be helpful and greatly appreciated. Sincerely, recently relocated

Jan Cook

I'm a grandmother, and over the years have read all the newest fads about potty training. When my 4 were little, I started the girls at 2-1/2. In no time they were totally trained. I woke them up before I went to bed, and the beds stayed dry. (They did not want diapers.)
My boys, however, were different! I tried my first at 2-1/2 and he would have none of it. At 3, I tried again. He objected, but I finally put his potty in the kitchen and did the dishes. Running water does wonders! From there on it was a matter of watching, and taking him to the potty for a few weeks. No wet beds with the boys, either. I was Lucky!
The point here is I marched to my own darned drummer, and to heck with what other mothers were doing. Some of them bragged that their child was trained at 9 months. Okay. Sure. Whatever.
Now comes the hard part: My granddaughter. She did not train easily at 3-1/2, and we still have much trouble in the poop department. She waits 3 days most times and it's worrying all of us.
I know this will eventually work itself out, but we're concerned about the constipation and her being so uncomfortable toward the end of each ordeal. She knows that if she waits it will hurt, but still refuses to go when she needs too. She has now taken to hiding when the urge comes along. Day care has been especially caring and understanding.
My sister had the same problem with one of her grandsons. The more they wait, the more it hurts, and, the more they wait the next time.
I now think it's a control issue. (She has very definite ideas about Everything!) Leave it totally up to her. She goes into the bathroom by herself, as she wants, but sometimes fills the bowl with toilet tissue and says she went, but "it's under the paper." (Now we deal with fibs!) They've done the reward thing, fancy underwear, praise. At times either her Dad or her Mom stay home from work on the 3rd day.
Mineral oil has been tried, and my niece used Milk of Magnesia at times.
This is so troublesome. Any new ideas out there?
It's so neat to be able to read success stories here, and to realize that most of us Do Not sail through the potty training of our children!
I shall report back when we find a successful solution!

Caroline

Oh boy do I feel better. I have a 2.5yr old who is interested in potty but we are struggling quite a lot with wetting and messes. I have just had a friend on the phone bragging about her 2.5yr old being fully trained, then my hubby points out that both his colleagues boys were trained by now. This page has made me feel normal, I am not doing too bad a job after all! Maybe the little guy just isn't ready yet - keep these stories coming! :)

Kate McDowell

I cannot tell you how helpful The Potty Stool has been for our family!! Potty training is the biggest hurdle children must overcome before the age of five and we have experienced a tremendous improvement in the quality of our home life just by using it!! I never would have guessed how much stress was relieved by fixing just one issue in the home. Kids hop right on the toilet and finish quickly morning and night. My kids are like self sufficient little angels. I wish every parent knew about the Potty Stool.

Cara

I am so glad there are others out there like me! My daughter is going to be 3 in a month and she just will not tell when she has to go. She will go pretty much every time I put her on the toilet, assuming she hasn't just gone. But we've been doing that for well over a year now, and we're just not making any progress. I've given up several times already and every time I feel like a terrible mother. After reading all this though, I think I'm just going to let her decide when she's going to do it. Thanks. This has made me feel like there really is hope after all.

mia

i need help. my 3 1/2 year old son REFUSES to potty. i don't know if he can't feel the urge and/or know WHEN he has to go (because i've never been successful at getting him to pee on the potty or outside...and in my mind, anyone can pee even a little if they try!). or, is it a power struggle? i need help!

Gwen

My son is turning 3 in September and still has no interest in potty training, he refuse to sit on the potty or the toilet, he shows no interest when I send him to go with his dad. I let him walk naked in the garden and try to get him to pee outside, but yet no reaction. Do I need to be concerned that there's still no interest at the age of 3. Please send me tips on how to start and get him interested.

Connie

I am so glad I found this site. Although I haven't been stressing out about potty training, other people's comments make me wonder sometimes. Our son will be 3 in a month and shows absolutely NO interest in the potty. He sat on it a few times after we bought it and seemed to really like it, but the novelty quickly wore off for him. I often ask him if he'd like to use the potty and he refuses. I know my son is not emotionally ready yet and he doesn't feel the need to tell me when he's peeing or having a poop. So, I firmly believe that when he is ready, he'll let us know and it will be fairly smooth sailing after that. Once he's ready, we'll know the desire and commitment are there. That's all we can ask for! So, try to relax, tune out other people, and look forward to how successful you'll be once your child is ready!

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Christy

I have a daughter that didn't make her first sound until she was 2. We started working with the potty from 18 months, i was really worried by the time she was just about 3 that we still hadn't made this step yet. But when she finally gave it up and started going potty-that was it no accidents and so much easier, it wasn't much after she was 3. It is rough being a parent these days, with preschool so common. The preschools want every kid potty trained by 3 and most kids just aren't ready at that age. My daughter is queen of I will do it when I am ready to do it and not before.

Crystal

My daughter just turned 3 a few days ago. She will go to the potty when I ask her to unless she is playing then all she says is no not yet. When I do get her to stop playing and go she will always pee or poop in it but the problem is that she never tells me when she needs to go. She will just hold it until I ask her to go. If I don't ask her in time she will pee in her underwear. I am so frustrated! I have been trying to potty train her since she was 18 months. I don't know what to do anymore. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do to get her to want to tell me when she needs to go?

Ruby

Hi, my little guy will be 3 in two months and I decided to try potty training- esp. since he goes to daycare and there are a few kids who are trained and others getting trained-perfect I thought, he'll have lots of models and good staff support. Well the calm potty sitting came and went in three days. He did one time tell me "potty" and half pooped there (wow I thought) but basically all other x just wet or poopy briefs. Anyway, potty time has now turned into screaming, crying fits and I feel awful and decided to let him be fully in charge. He isn't the best talker but he can say No when I ask him if he needs to go-- as he is doing the pee pee dance in his pull ups. One time a day I do force him to go and he cries and fits-out AND not that even happens to get his hands and face washed. Worse!!I have lost it twice-screaming at him and spanked his bottom obviously I felt terrible, I just can't handle the insane meltdown.
I should wait right? I like one comment i read - the two needed components, 1, physical maturity and 2 the child's desire.
BUT Isn't there a time you just can't wait for the desire? I also feel like some of my friends I told think I'm giving up and into him too soon-- but the crying and screaming that's not smart to do day after day!! help PLUs treating pull ups like a diaper seems such a waste of money

anne poveromo

I have a daughter who will be 4 next week. She is the only child in her preschool that does not use the potty. We have been sitting on the potty for almost year with no success at all. We packed up all the diapers this past Saturday together. She even seemed excited while doing this. We put her in underwear and she went a a friend's house and peed on the potty, she came home and pooped a little on our potty. She went to another friend's house on Sunday and peed twice. She peed and pooped in her pants yesterday twice. It is now Tuesday and we have sat on the potty like 30 times in the past two days at her request and nothing ever comes out. She says she wants her diapers back. Not sure where to turn.

Christine

I have a 3 1/2 year old who I think is physically and intellectually ready. In fact, back in November se started to pee and poop on the potty because her little friends were potty trained. Then she got constipated and the battle began. I think the constipation has made a huge set back...screamming and crying, no. So we decided to wait a little more to resume. Right now Ithink she has no interest or motivation to be pulled away from playing. I try to make it as fun as possible...singing, books, games, but no luck. A week ago we did away with the pull-ups during waking hours. We only had 2 success-1 peepee and 1 BM, but I think it was luck because we happened to have her on the potty for 20 minutes reading. We have been having several accidents (peepee and BM), but for the most part she can hold her urine for up to 8 hours and then has an accident and her BM schedule has switched to a night time ritual with her pull-ups. I'm worried about bladder infections too. My husband and I have literally devoted the last 7 days with one on one attention to the project. I'm feeling a bit of a failure and and getting frustrated. I just thought we-d be farther along. We've tried rewards that she seems interested in and used a dolly to assist in teaching which went over very well, and also have been forcing the fluids to keep the odds inour favor. Am I expecting too much too soon? Any words of wisdom?

Katie

We've got a nearly 2 1/2 year old girl who is doing great at going on the potty except for pooping. Instead, she waits until bedtime and her diaper is on and then she poops a little bit at a time...some nights we've gone through 5 diapers because she just won't go all at once. A few times she has pushed a bit out while sitting on the potty, but it is never more than just a tad - not even enough to fall off her rear! So, is there any advice on how to get a poop-only-in-the-diaper-a-little-bit-at-a-time to - at the least, poop all at once in her diaper - or, better yet, poop in the potty???

Brandy

My daughter will be 3 in a couple weeks and had absolutely NO interest in the potty either. We have been training her on and off for almost a year with little to no progress. We go strong then back off because we were feeling like we were pushing to hard and I believe in the she'll so when she's ready method. My concern is that she will do nothing on the potty. She will sit on the potty for us and daycare, sometimes she read, sometimes she will play with a toy or two, sometimes she like to look through my cell phone at the pictures...anything we can do to get her to sit there a while so she would JUST GO even a little bit, but nothing. She could sit on the potty for 30 mins. and do nothing but put underwear or a diaper on her and she's done both within 3 minutes. I ask her why she doesn't want to go potty in the toilet, but she gives me no answer. We have also tried all the tricks. Rewards, charts & stickers, running water, pouring water down her back/stomach, dunking her hands/feet in warm water...nothing works!!! I just don't get it..but we are still encouraging her to sit on the potty none the less. I'm just hoping one day she will decide on her own. Good luck to all the other moms and dads just like me.

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My daughter just turned 3 a few days ago. She will go to the potty when I ask her to unless she is playing then all she says is no not yet. When I do get her to stop playing and go she will always pee or poop in it but the problem is that she never tells me when she needs to go. She will just hold it until I ask her to go. If I don't ask her in time she will pee in her underwear. I am so frustrated! I have been trying to potty train her since she was 18 months. I don't know what to do anymore. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do to get her to want to tell me when she needs to go?

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I have a daughter that didn't make her first sound until she was 2. We started working with the potty from 18 months, i was really worried by the time she was just about 3 that we still hadn't made this step yet. But when she finally gave it up and started going potty-that was it no accidents and so much easier, it wasn't much after she was 3. It is rough being a parent these days, with preschool so common. The preschools want every kid potty trained by 3 and most kids just aren't ready at that age. My daughter is queen of I will do it when I am ready to do it and not before.

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We've got a nearly 2 1/2 year old girl who is doing great at going on the potty except for pooping. Instead, she waits until bedtime and her diaper is on and then she poops a little bit at a time...some nights we've gone through 5 diapers because she just won't go all at once. A few times she has pushed a bit out while sitting on the potty, but it is never more than just a tad - not even enough to fall off her rear! So, is there any advice on how to get a poop-only-in-the-diaper-a-little-bit-at-a-time to - at the least, poop all at once in her diaper - or, better yet, poop in the potty???

coach outelt

I think George Carlin said it best (paraphrasing) "What's with this safety stuff? Back in my day, whichever kids swallowed the most marbles didn't get to grow up to have kids of their own."

jackie

My child turned 3 years old in august and is not potty trained! They have just decided they are kicking him out of daycare for not being potty trained. I feel this is wrong. He is only three and they have refused to work with him they say it is not there job and now he is not allowed to come back until he is potty trained!!

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  • My expertise is in helping people be who they want to be, with a specialty in how being a parent fits into everything else. I like people. I like parents. I think you're doing a fantastic job. The nitty-gritty of what you do with your kids is up to you, although I'm happy to post questions here to get data points of how you could try approaching different stages, because, let's face it, this shit is hard. As for me, I have two kids who sleep through the night and can tie their own shoes. I've been a married SAHM, a married freelance WAHM, a divorcing WOHM, a divorced WOHM, and now a WAHM again. I'm not buying the Mommy Wars and I'll come sit next to you no matter how you're feeding your kid. When in doubt, follow the money trail. And don't believe the hype.
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