Reader help needed

I've got three questions that readers need some help with.

#1: A reader has been advised by her doctor to get the Mirena IUD for post-partum birth control. She's used NFP/FAM (charting) as birth control in the past, but isn't willing to trust it right now since she doesn't have her cycle back and isn't getting enough sleep to chart accurately. She's wondering if anyone has any experience with Mirena that they'd be willing to share.

#2: Bobbi writes:

"OK, I have one of those rare beautiful children who prefers to put herself to sleep.  She (10 months old) WILL NOT fall asleep in your arms.  So what's the problem you ask?  How the heck am I supposed to cut her nails when I obviously cannot do it while she's sleeping?  Currently I have to physically restrain her while she's in her highchair and go as quickly as possible while she screams her GUTS out - no fun for either one of us, but it is the only way I can sort of keep her still while ridding her of the razor claws...*sigh*

If you have any advice on this I'd appreciate it.  Otherwise I'll have to resign myself to the screaming highchair torture until she's old enough to understand that I'm really not trying to kill her."

I've got absolutely nothing. My first child slept through all the ambulance, fire engine, car alarm, and other noises of New York City, but would wake up instantly if we tried to cut his fingernails while he was sleeping. For years we did the highchair torture routine, but then he started biting his nails. I can't really recommend that. Someone reading must have something that works.

#3: Clare writes:

"Any book recs for toddler emotions?  Our normally sweet tempered, easy going boy (2 yrs 4 mo) has suddenly started hitting whatever's in front of him, including favorite books, us, and himself.  We're planning a big move (from the east coast to the mid west; we're leaving in about 2 weeks), so things are a little crazy now, and I know he's feeling totally disrupted even though we're trying to keep his schedule as normal as possible.  I know he's anxious and frustrated, and we're trying to help him label his emotions. When he does hit us, we put him in a very short time-out mostly to calm him down; when he's about to hit us, we remind him to count to three and then tell us that he's __________ (angry, scared, frustrated etc).

He LOVES books and being read to, so I thought a couple of books on feelings might be in order.  He has a fantastic attention span for a little guy; he insists I read Curious George Goes to the Hospital several times in a row, and he will gladly sit with his dad to hear a chapter or two from Milne's Winnie the Pooh.  So, simple board books might be too basic, though if one has great pictures of sad, angry, scared, etc faces, I think it would work."

Before we get to books, I'd like to suggest that Clare take a look at my post about dealing with aggressive behavior in 2-year-olds. I think Clare's son is having more emotions and urges than he can express, even if he's very verbal, so it will probably help him if he has a physical way to get out his urges to hit. (The post tells about what we did when my son was going through a particularly awful biting phase that helped him manage his biting urge to stop biting people. I think it could translate directly to hitting or pushing.)

Now, on to books about emotions. I'm not that knowledgable about books (we tend to stick with our favorites a lot here). But I looked in my copy of the excellent and worthwhile book Reading With Babies, Toddlers and Twos to see if they had a list of books about emotions. (The book is filled with list after list of different kinds of books that young kids love. If you love lists, or children's books, or lists of children's books, you need this book.) They do (of course), and the books that look like they'll fit what you're looking for best are Feelings by Aliki (a book of facial expressions), My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss, and Mama, If You Had a Wish by Jeanne Modesitt.

I recently discovered Fuse #8, a blog by a children's librarian (I read some of her well-thought-out reviews of kids' books on Amazon.com and clicked through to her blog). She writes about books and authors and being a children's librarian and other random stuff.

And I'm always in awe of Raising WEG's Jody's ability to catalog and digest the books she and her kids read together. Check out her Library Books category archive for lists of the books they checked out each month and her thoughts about those books. She's got other thoughts about books in her Books category archive.

Does anyone out there have any good book suggestions for Clare?

Please repond to one, two, or all of the reader questions. Knowledge is power.

Comments

[foodmomiac]

I have some comments on all three, for once. Ha.

OK, for the IUD. I had one for almost two years. I didn't get the Mirena because it has hormones in it (to lessen the insanely heavy periods that are caused by a standard IUD). I'm pretty anti-hormones (not the ones we have already - just adding new ones). When I was on the pill years and years ago, I had a lot of side effects, so I knew Mirena wasn't for me. I had the NON-hormone IUD, and I loved a lot about it. I loved not having to worry about birth control. I loved how easy it was to get it "installed." But then I got a yeast infection following a course of antibiotics. And for 6 months, it NEVER went away. The yeast took hold in the IUD and didn't leave no matter how many medications (topical and oral) that I took. So long IUD.

Re: nail cutting. My 10 month old hates it as well. I do it while giving him his bottle, when he is on the sleepy side, and that seems to work. I'd think a nursing baby would be an easy mark too. Anything distracting will help. I know she's not human, but when I used to dremel my dog's nails, it really freaked her out, so while I dremeled, my husband would hold a cup spread with peanut butter, and she just licked that the whole time. I know that's not something you can do for a baby, but what about a homemade popsicle made with diluted juice? Something special...

And for books: I second the My Many Colored Days book. It's beautiful.

[Claire Gee]

There was quite a bit of discussion about Mirena's over at Tertia's a while back....
http://www.tertia.org/so_close/2005/10/factory_closure.html#comments
which I read with interest. I have since had one fitted. I found the insertion uncomfortable, but not unbearable - it felt like bad cramping or very early labour, just while it was inserted. This might have been helped by the fact that I had a baby 9 months ago (even though she was delivered by C section) and that I have delivered 2 other babies via the usual exit. The best thing about the Mirena is the very low dose of hormone (because it is delivered in situ in your womb) which has no real side effects on other parts of your body. The hormones counter the heavier bleeding that usually occurs with other IUD's, and can eventually cease bleeding altogether in some people - though you do still cycle. I have only had it in a month, and so far so good. One other side effect initially is that you have daily spotting for the first couple of months, before your bleeding really tapers off.

[Melanie]

For the nail cutting - we just put on her favourite video, sit her facing the TV on my lap and cut away. She watches TV so rarely that this is always a treat and she sits calmly there while I cut away and style her hair. Both of these tasks are much easier for me if she is sitting in that direction too, much like I imagine it would be easier for a father to tie his son's necktie that way. Anyway, if the TV is not on, it means violent writhing and murderous cries. Remember moms, the TV is your FRIEND!

[londongrrl]

On the nail cutting - I can't imagine doing it WHILE nursing! but I can do it when the baby has literally just gone off, in that very deep phase. So maybe sneak back into the room? Or, I do a game where every finger gets kissed after it's been trimmed. It seems to work thus far. Sometimes my partner has to lie down and kiss the other hand at the same time...

[Katie]

Nail cutting. I left a pair of clippers in the car (or carried in the diaper bag) when my oldest was a baby. If she was a sleep when you got home I took a few minutes to clip her nails. Which reminds me I don't need to have the fight with my 13 month old that I do now.

[Julie]

On the question about nail-trimming: My daughter seems to be less upset when she could see what I was doing, so I place her in in my lap, facing out, and let her watch me trim each nail. For her, it was just scary for Mom to grab her finger and do something that felt weird away from where she could see. Then again, having Boohbah on TV while doing so might have made it even easier ... :)

[ValleyGal]

I also use the sitting-on-the-lap-facing-out method for nail trimming. That way I can hold one hand tightly while he tries to rip it out of my hand and clip with the other one. I've found that if I narrate the whole thing and let him watch, he's more cooperative, but the best is when there is someone else around to put on some sort of baby vaudeville show. A 5-year old is excellent for this purpose, I've found -- just have them dance or tell a story or do whatever and while the baby is enraptured with the older child, clip away.

[Nancy]

I can't speak about the Mirena IUD, but I loved having the Paragard non-hormonal IUD! Easy "installation" and no further thoughts about birth control. I never had ANY trouble with mine (about 4 years total). (Note: I haven't had kids, so I'm speaking from that viewpoint. Had my IUD removed in January so we can start ttc.)

[caro]

Nail cutting: We've been nowhere near on top of this, but we recently discovered it works better if we let the Monkey see us cutting our own nails ... then she holds her little fingers out to ASK us to trim hers, too. She's 13 months, though. I don't know if this tactic would have worked earlier on...

[P.]

I've had my Mirena IUD for just over a year now. I had it inserted at my 6 week post-partrum check-up. I love mine. No issues. The insertion was a breeze. And I'm one of those lucky women who doesn't even get a period. Although I have to point out the lack of period may be due to the fact that I'm nursing. But I got my period 10 weeks post-partum with my first 2 kids even though I nursed them as well. So I'm assuming the lack of period is from the Mirena this time around. I have zero side-effects and am loving the freedom of not having to worry about BC.

[Beth A.]

1. I got a Mirena IUD when my daughter was 5 months old and it's been great. The insertion was a bit painful, but bearable, and I didn't spot at all. It greatly reduces your periods, and the combination of the Mirena and breastfeeding means that I haven't had a period since January. I haven't noticed any side effects from the very small amount of hormones and they didn't affect my milk supply at all. And I love that I have worry-free birth control until we decide to try for the next baby.

2. I hypnotize my 11-month-old with Sesame Street when I clip her nails. Of course, it helps that the clipping doesn't bother her at all - the difficulty is in getting her to keep her hands still and stop trying to grab the nail clipper so she can play with it. I also tend to keep a pair of clippers in my pocket when the nails need to be trimmed, so I can seize any opportunity to get a couple fingers done.

[Rebecca]

For the nail cutting....what has finally worked with my daughter is a combination of singing to her and letting her hold a second clipper in the other hand (clipper part securely covered with tape so she can't accidently cut herself).

[Kate]

When my son was younger, I used to do the little sing-song "This little piggy", cutting each nail as I went. For the record, I sat him on my lap facing out to cut as well.

[Bobbi]

Lots of great advice - thanks!! I think I discovered the secret this morning, by accident, when I had my almost 7 year old distracting her (cracking her up actually) while I clipped quick, ala ValleyGal's suggestion. I think when she's a bit older the video trick will work, but unfortunately, she's just not that enthralled yet.

Thanks everyone!

[Madeleine]

I third "My Many Colored Days." It's simple, but fun and beautiful. Maybe having a game of announcing what color he is feeling will help.

We also liked "The Chocolate-Covered-Cookie Tantrum" by Deborah Blumenthal, which School Library Journal (via Amazon) says is good for "children still too young for Aliki's Feelings." It's so vivid you feel like you are there parenting that tantrum, but it may help your child understand the storms of emotion that wash over him.

For nailclipping, we went through a phase where she was too easily woken by it (and I couldn't risk losing my nap!) and it became a two-parent activity, one to distract or feed and one to clip. We also had some success with letting her choose which finger to clip next. "Which nail is longest? Which should we clip?" Though that might have been when she was a little older.

On the Mirena, I'm interested to hear that people find it has fewer side effects than the pill. I'm thinking of getting off the pill because it may be having the paradoxical side effect of, you know, making me less interested in the intended purpose. I was looking at the non-hormonal IUDs but dreading the thought of heavy unpredictable periods. So I'm curious about any further input on the Mirena and desire.

[Jennifer Barnes]

My 10 month old son watches NO TV except for 5-10 min. of teletubbies on nail-clipping day. He will sit still enough on my lap for me to trim his nails, then the TV goes off. There is no way I could trim his nails and nurse him at the same time because I usually have to use both arms to hold him still. He is a wiggly nurser and a heavy one at that.

[Elizabeth]

On the nails - I just grab the clippers and do as many as I can at a time, never the whole 10 fingers - 2 at a time is the average before my daughter starts squirming and trying to grab the clippers. Inevitably she does end up with some nails that are longer than I'd like, but if I see a long one and don't have the clippers, I've often had success with just sort of peeling it off. All in all, I try not to stress about the nails. She actually scratches herself only when they are freshly cut and thus have sharp edges...the longer nails don't hurt anything, and as long as I get to them before they start to look like a drag queen's, we're all good. I've found that my 2-nail-at-a-time system, cutting the longest ones first, keeps them all quite short, actually, as long as I remember to grab the clippers fairly often (when she's playing and I think of it, after bath, after diaper change, etc...)

[Sarah]

I just got the Mirena removed, but loved it for it's whole five year run. I had a paraguard for 2 years and bled like a stuck pig--not my usual menstrual behavior. I had a run of ovarian cysts during my second year with the Mirena, but that my have been due to my small ute (no pregnancys prior to having the IUD). They did clear up after two months, so that would not stop me from getting one again.
Sarah

[J]

My daughter (18 months) gets to have a popsicle (juice diluted with water in these popsicle forms you put in the freezer with a plastic stick to hold onto) while watching TV in order to get her nails done. She holds the popsicle with her free hand and is so busy trying to get it in her mouth she doesn't notice (too much) the clipping of the other hand's nails.

[arb]

I put my 10 month old baby on the changing table, pull out a boob, lean over, and while she nurses I clip as many as I can. Awkward but it works. Has the added benefit of boob + me leaning over = obstructs her view of he offensive nail-clipping.

[Emmie (Better Make It A Double)]

I have a great book reccomendation, but for the parents, not the kids. I just read The Emotional Life of the Toddler by Alicia Liberman. It really helped me to understand my more active twin, and see that his often fearless-appearing behaviour has a flip side that manifests itself as anxiety. The book also helped me understand why toddlers do all the things that sometimes drive us crazy. It's a fascinating read. It has a heavy focus on temperment and a lot of great "profiles" of various toddlers. More here:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0028740173/sr=8-1/qid=1150225905/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-0337870-4773578?%5Fencoding=UTF8

[Jen (yup, another one)]

Argh! Lousy Internet host! I've written this three times and lost it.

Where was I? Ah... Todd Parr, particularly The Feelings Book and possibly The Okay Book. The text is repetitive, but the illustrations are colorful and fun and are great discussion starters.

I'd also recommend the classics Anthony, Who is Not (Do You Hear Me? I Mean It) Going to Move and Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst. They are aimed at a school-aged crowd, but I think Clare's son would get something from them if he can already handle Curious George.

I also agree with My Many Colored Days and Aliki's Feelings though be warned that the Aliki is not a traditional narrative but has lots of snippets and cartoons that are great for opening conversations.

[Mom101]

Nail Cutting: While she's blissed out drinking a bottle works just fine for us. Might take two of you, but it works!

[ElleryScott]

I had the Mirena inserted at my 6-week postpartum checkup and, 10 months later, am period-free and 100% satisfied. A good friend of mine has the hormone-free IUD and has very heavy periods that were quite unpredictable the first year. I can only recommend the Mirena with flying colors. Yes, the insertion is a bit painful but, for the trade-off of no PMS, no periods, no cramps!--it was worth it to me!

[Brooklyn Mama]

I only have a suggestion for Clare - it sounds like your little guy is stressed out about the move. There is no better book to help children deal with what is happening around them than a hand made book that deals specifically with the child and his situation. Especially if your son is a literary sort of toddler, he'll surely be interested in and comforted by a book that helps him cope with the move.

Make a book with photographs and/or simple illustrations about the upcoming move. Be sure to show your old home, the process of moving (will you be driving? taking an airplane?), and an image of all of you, together, in your new home. The most important thing for him to know is that some things will change, but many things will stay the same. Same family, same toys, same books, etc.

Feel free to email me if you need some help with the wording.

[dcfullest]

I love my mirena, best decision I ever made after having horrible experiences with every other type of birth control. No periods, no side effects, and i don't feel it.

[Gina]

I've had the Mirena in for nine months,after delivering via c-section, and it has been great. Some spotting in the beginning, no period and no other side effects, not to mention how cost effective it is for five years of reliable birth control.

[em]

#1 I love my Mirena. I was tired of taking the pill and didn't want to be taking hormones, but I was told the Mirena's hormones are localised and I haven't had any side effects (which I did have with the pill). It was fine to get inserted (4 months after the birth of #3) and I love the fact that it has lightened my usually v. heavy and painful periods (now they are light and not painful at all). Plus I love not having to think about birth control.

#2 I have the same problem with my 8 month old and 3 year old. I bribe the 3.5 year old with m&ms - one m&m for each hand and foot that gets trimmed. I get the 6.5 year old to distract the 8 month old while I work on her (but she's definitely the hardest!)

#3 I love the "How are You Peeling" book. It has great/clever photographs and discusses lots of different emotions that young children might experience.

[Em]

BTW, Madeline - the Mirena hasn't impacted on my desire - if anything things are more active in the bedroom now. That might be because I found "completing" our family very liberating (much to my surprise). Knowing that I will never be pregnant again has made me feel sexy again :)

[Rivka]

If it weren't for Blue's Clues, my 14-month-old would have six-inch nails.

[boxing octopus]

I fourth My Many Colored Days. Harry's only 10 months, but he already loves it. I see it coming in handy as a teaching tool later on.

[Purple_Kangaroo]

I'm in the same boat as your #1 reader.

If she was using sympto-thermal NFP for moral reasons, she should know that any IUD or hormonal method of birth control can prevent the implantation of a fertilized egg. IUDs work primarily by changing the lining of the uterus to make it unfriendly for implantation. Since they don't prevent ovulation, you need to be willing to accept the likelihood of your birth control acting to prevent implantation after fertilization to use that method. Hormonal birth control such as the pill can also work this way, as it causes similar changes in the uterine lining in addition to (usually, but not always) preventing ovulation.

That, and the side effects that can come along with other forms of birth control, caused us to choose to use barrier methods (such as condoms) instead.

Also, I've been hearing about another form of NFP that sounds promising (and easier!) for those in our situation--the Billings Ovulation Method.

From the website at www.woomb.org: "The BOM is based entirely on the symptoms of fertility and infertility observable at the vulva. It does not use any form of rhythm counting, temperature taking, drugs or devices."

The Creighton Method is a variation of the Billings method that's supposed to be a little more standardized and easy/reliable to use. You can read about it at www.popepaulvi.com.

Another option to consider is the Lactational Amenorrhea Method (LAM). For the first 6 months postpartum, if you are exclusively breastfeeding and have not yet had a period, studies show that nursing-induced amenorrhea (LAM) alone is about 99% effective at preventing pregnancy.

From what I understand, in order to get really reliable results you want to do ecological breastfeeding (which involves lots of mom-baby closeness, frequent nursing, no supplementation and usually cosleeping). Ecological breastfeeding is somewhat unusual in our culture, though, so you'd want to research it before assuming you're doing it "right."

I was one of the few who never got reliable amenorrhea even with total ecological breastfeeding, and even if you do you can ovulate before your period starts (usually not before 6 months postpartum, though), so it wasn't something I could rely on unless I combined it with another method such as Creighton.

Feel free to drop me a note (my e-mail is in my profile) if you want more info. on any of these.

[cagey]

re: #2, I take my 8 month old to a window he doesn't normally get to see or to our front door (which is all glass). While he enjoys the "new view", I furiously get those razorblades trimmed.

[Lynn]

Love my paraguard IUD. Have had 3 over the period of 8 years (2 children inbetween). They actually believe that the copper acts as a spermicide. Have not had one single issue with the 3 I have had.

[Rachel]

Hi. Just found this blog through Parent Hacks and I love it!
I have a retro suggestion for a book about feelings. It's out of print but very available on abebooks.com. It's called T. A. for Tots by Alvin Freed. (ISBN for the 1991 revised edition is 0-915190-73-7)The T. A. stands for Transactional Analysis.

It's from the 1970's and you can tell (he talks about how we came into the world feeling and being treated like Princes and Princesses but sometimes we feel like frogs. However, seeing as this is 1970's he uses the unisex "Prinzes") On the other hand it offers some really straight talk on feelings. Freed talks about the kinds of "strokes" you get and give in your interactions with other people. Nasty, hurtful "strokes" are called "cold pricklies" and nice, comforting "strokes" are called "warm fuzzies". Freed talks about how it's ok to be angry but that talking about it is a much better way of getting warm fuzzies than being abusive. He also talks about the mixed messages we get from adults and how to decode them.

I had this book when I was a kid and I remember it making A LOT of sense to me. I just bought a copy for my son. He's only 14 months, but I can see a time when he'll need it. Your son may be too young for it now, but it could be a way to start a dialogue with him. The book has lots of fun 1970's drawings and uses very simple language.

I'm sure the last thing you need when you're trying to move is to order a book online, but you may want to add it to your library. Good luck with your move.

PS: my son hates getting his nails trimmed, but he sits still a little longer if I go out on the front porch and put him on my lap facing out. I don't know if it's the temperature change or getting to watch life go by.

[Sara]

Dear Moxie,

In response to your "need reader help" post, #3, I whole-heartedly endorse the "First Look at Series," which has lots of titles on toddler/childhood issues.

Our older (5-year old) daughter was having a big struggle with death when she realized that she would never be able to see/meet her Nana (who died 16 years ago). It was extremely disturbing for her, and so us too. We got the "I Miss You — A First Look at Death" book, and read that with her. She asked some questions, many of which I couldn't answer, and then we read the book again the next day. Some more questions, and then she didn't need to read the book anymore, but she also wasn't dissolved into tears about dying. Then occasionally she'll ask me to read the book to her, and she seems ok.

The book is good because it doesn't try to answer all the questions, but comes up with ways to think about tough topics that are helpful.

I've included the complete list of titles below. I would imagine that the other books are just as excellent.

Keep up the great work, Moxie!
Sara `92

Books in the series:
Do I Have to Go to the Hospital? — A First Look at Going to the Hospital
Do I Have to Go to School? — A First Look at Starting School
Don’t Call Me Special — A First Look at Disability
I Can Be Safe — A First Look at Safety
I Miss You — A First Look at Death
I’m Telling the Truth — A First Look at Honesty
Is It Right to Fight? — A First Look at Anger
My Amazing Body — A First Look at Health and Fitness
My Family’s Changing — A First Look at Family Break-Up
My Manners Matter — A First Look at Being Polite
My New Family — A First Look at Adoption
The Skin I’m In — A First Look at Racism
Stop Picking on Me — A First Look at Bullying