Q&A: daughter's discovered her hot button

Kelly writes:

"I have a 10-month-old daughter who seems to have discovered her genitals.  Really discovered.  Unlike her older brother who discovered his at about the same age during diaper changes, she connected while in the new Peg Perego Aria.  It seems that there is just the right, well, pressure when strapped in.  She has begun these repeative leg rotations that will go on for hours (we went to an outdoor fair on Saturday).  She gets very red in the face and is basically in another zone (not responsive to me in her usual fashion).  Since Saturday, I've also noticed her putting pressure on her crotch both hands and rotating her legs while in her crib.

I don't want to be a prude.  Heck, if I could get Toyota to put the same kind of strap in the Sienna, I might consider it as an option.   With her brother, I was a bit proud of his discovery and didn't stop his exploration.  I never felt I had to as once he was re-diapered, his attention seemed to focus elsewhere.  I think I want to have the exact same reaction here, but I'm not.  I keep thinking what great stomach mucles she's going to have with all that leg/stomach work (another reason I too would wish for a Mommy version).

With her brother, it seemed to be a phase and after a week or so, he no longer seemed focused on his penis (any more than his toes or knees), so I want to just wait it out.  She is not in any kind of a day care situation, so I know there is nothing going on that has started this behavior. 

Do I just ignore it with a smile?  Do I take her out of the stoller when it starts (it starts immediately upon being placed in the stroller)? Could this be an idication of some other issue (a urinary infection)?"

Remember a few years ago when the Harry Potter craze was at its zenith, and there was that Harry Potter broomstick that vibrated? They couldn't figure out why it was so popular with teenage girls until someone stepped back and thought about it. And then all the parents and marketing execs freaked out about it and pulled it from the market? Ah, good times. I'm just guessing Peg Perego isn't going to use this to market the Aria. ("Better than the Toyota Sienna or the Jackrabbit...")

Now, I am a girl, obviously, but I don't remember far back enough to recall what it was like to discover my own special purpose. Being the mother of two boys, I will say that it surprises me to hear that your son stopped being obsessed with his penis after a few weeks. From what I've observed, it's a love affair that starts as an infant and continues for 70 years or so for many many men.

But back to your daughter: I think this could be a sign of a urinary tract infection, but isn't necessarily one. My first move would be to call your pediatrician's office and explain to them that you just want to rule out a UTI. She'll probably have to come in and get checked out and give a urine sample. Who knows if it is indicative of a UTI in her case, but you definitely want to rule it out so the poor thing can get treated if she's got one.

I need a minute. Just the thought of a UTI is sending that nasty shiver down my back. Gah.

Ok, I'm back. Now if it turns out not to be a UTI, then it sounds like she's just discovered the zone. As long as she's not in the stroller for hours a day, it's probably not doing any harm. The only thing I can think of that would be a cause for concern would be if she was focusing on masturbation to the exclusion of other things like crawling and play with toys and other normal developmental tasks for 10-month-olds. But if she's still doing all her other normal baby things, then she's probably just building some neural pathways that are going to come in very handy (I apologize sincerely--I just couldn't resist that pun) when she's older.

Of course there's also the social issue. You can explain to a three-year-old that there are things you do in private only, but you can't get that through to a baby. So if you're going to be somewhere that people would be scandalized by her stroller activities, you might want to bring her in a body carrier instead of the stroller just to avoid the issue. Or bring along a radio and tell people she's dancing to the music.

Moms of girls? Does anyone have anything to offer on this one? Is there some hidden danger to masturbation (other than hairy palms and certain blindness) that I'm not aware of?

Comments

[HollyRhea]

Egads.

We haven't faced this one yet. But really, what can you do? You definitely don't want to categorize it as dirty or equate it with touching a hot stove.

I guess like pulling the plants down (that's where we're at right now), you just distract her. I think the sling idea is a great one.

And for the record, I'm terrified that my daughter will have a UTI, and I won't know it.

[julia]

My daughter discovered her girl bits WAY earlier that yours - around six months or so (maybe earlier) if I recall correctly.

Now, she's usually a bathtub fiddler, so I haven't had quite the problem of being confronted with this in public.

As I see it, (assuming it isn't a UTI) you have two options: 1) try to disguise the behavior as something else until she lays off it for a while, or 2) just be cavalier about it and assume most moms will get it, "Yeah! She's gonna be one happy lady when she grows up! Heh" (or something along those lines.)

As for your own reaction to it, I would offer that you certainly don't want to discourage it. That's a fast track to therapy land, if you ask me. Plus, I really mean it when I say she's lucky to have figured out what feels good so early on. Some women NEVER figure it out. And she certainly doesn't need to be told her own body is bad. Not that you sound at all like that sort of mom.

And if you were proud of you boy for finding his bait-n-tackle, surely you can be pleased for her as well.

On the covering it up side, is it something that a well placed blankie could hide?

Good luck!

[suz]

This topic has come up a lot around here lately- it seems to be something people laugh off and expect with boys, but assume something is wrong when the girls do it.

My now 14mo daughter discovered hers around 6mo, too. It was her favorite toy for a few weeks, now it's a diaper change/bath time thing, and our policy is to just let her play. I can't imagine any harm in it, although the UTI thing hadn't occured to me.

The blanket idea is a good one, as is the radio. (Very clever!) Do the stroller straps/seat adjust?

Distraction is probably your best option, if there's something she finds engaging enough to work. When we need to hurry the diaper change, I give her a book to read or a hair brush or something, since her other favorite activities lately have been reading to us and brushing her hair. It takes a few tries to catch her attention sometimes, but usually it works.

[Kara]

Example of what not to do here. I discovered that my school desk could serve another purpose in the second grade, and my (very Catholic) mom took me to a therapist, punished me when she caught me doing it, and insisted that this was the "sin" I should use during my first confession. I'm amazed that I'm as sexually well-adjusted as I am. I don't think my younger brother was ever punished, but maybe he was just sneakier about it with my parents (I know I walked in on him at least once, but I never told).

Anyway, I think the advice here is great - nothing else really to add - I just find it so interesting that gender differences are so ingrained in us, and I commend Kelly for recognizing and resisting them in her parenting.

[Carla]

my Daughter who is three now, started masturbating on toys at an early age probably around 6mo. DH and I have always sort of chuckled about it and if it was in public I would distract her but not make a big deal about it. She especially did it at night in her bed, and still does, most nights I find a sippy cup strategically placed and her snoozing away.

I admit a few times I have wondered at her behavior, she has a twin brother and while he plays with his occasionly, more like a side thought, she is much more intent on "pleasuring herself" I was sort of suprised because I haven't heard too many moms of girls talk about it.

So I would probably distract her if you can when it public, but not say anything negative about it, especially as she gets older.

As my daugher is in her three's now, she never does it during the day, it is just a night thing now.

It is nice to hear of other girls doing it though, so I thought I would just tell you that my daughter has been doing it since a very young age and shows no sign of it being a "phase"..

[Cat, Galloping]

I just really want to see this mentioned in a customer review of that stroller on Amazon! Heh.

[Lisa V]

One of my daughters was very into bouncing on the arms of couches, and pillows and the like from the time she was 9 months until 18 months. It was obvious why she liked it. We often would just distract her if others were around, and it would stop. Only my closest friend picked up what was going on. By the time she was really mobile and had other things to do, it stopped.

Bert used to call her the "wank monkey." This kid would be mortified today I am sure. I will never mention it to her though.

[Denise]

Did anyone notice...this was a topic on "House" last night!

[Moxie]

HollyRhea, maybe by the time she gets one she'll just go off to Student Health and get it treated herself and you'll never know about it.

Cat, you could write the review. Actually, I dare you.

Denise, did House give the same advice I did? Of course he'd insult the parents first and then walk out in a huff without giving them any real medical information. That wacky House.

[peach_linen]

Hee! I thought the same thing while I was watching! I even yelled at the TV, "Moxie knows what to do!"

While House *was* his usual curmudgeonly self, he actually insulted the KID more than the mom and then, yes, gave the same advice. And then high-fived the kid and gave her a sucker.

I have to say, it was one of House's more adorable Clinic moments.

[Jen (yup, another one)]

Ha! What fun things we have to look forward to! However, when I described this post to Cait, she said "I don't think we have to worry about the stroller - she'd never feel anything through the cloth diapers!" So maybe Kelly should try CDing and double up the diapers! :)