Q&A: daily schedule for a 5-month-old

Anon writes:

"Your last post on the TV prompted me to write. I'm afraid I'm guilty of too much TV in our house. The baby (five months old) and I sit on the couch for extended periods some days and a few hours on others. (Ouch, I know...)

I want to be a better mother, but part of me is a bit clueless. I wondered if your readers might give input on a daily schedule for a good, productive day at home with baby. I am in desperate need of ideas.

We DO read together, practice different physical activies, sing songs, dance a bit and once the weather is warmer, we'll go out for walks. It's just that most days there's a whole lot of empty time. What can I do that will be good for baby and keep us away from the TV?"

The question "What do I do with a baby?" is one all of us hit right around 4-5 months. Before that, all your time is taken up with trying to feed and catch naps and do all those other things that suck up 24 hours but leave you with no memories and no accomplishments other than staying alive for another day. But then by around 5 months you start to get all of the basic survival skills down, so you have hours ahead of you each day with a little sidekick who is adorable, but frankly not all that great a conversationalist.

When my older one was an only (because this problem disappears with subsequent kids) at around this age, I made it a priority to go outside to run one errand a day. That meant that if I had to go to the drugstore and the drycleaners, I broke those two teeny errands up and did them on separate days, just to have something to do. I'd go out at the same time each day, so it felt like a real schedule that was time-dependent. Otherwise I'd be on the couch all day, singing endless rounds of "I've Been Working on the Railroad." (If you blow a raspberry after every time you sing "Dinah won't you blow" a baby will laugh reeeeeallly hard.)

So my daily schedule went something like this:

6:30-7: Struggle to awakeness, remember "Wait a minute! I'm someone's mother." Get up, feed cat, nurse baby, kiss husband goodbye and start the countdown until he came home from work.

7:15: Watch one of the morning shows on the pretense that I needed to be informed about daily events.

8:00: Sing, play games, roll around on floor with baby. Worry simultaneously that everything I was doing was extraneous and a middle-class woman's luxury and that I should just be strapping my baby on my back and going about my normal work, and that I wasn't doing enough to stimulate him so he'd never reach his full potential.

9:00: Baby goes down for a nap. I wonder what to do with the free time. Should I wash dishes or do laundry? Call my mother? Take a shower? By the time I figure out what to do the baby is waking up.

10:15: Strap baby into the stroller and roll him into the bathroom doorway so I could sing to him while I take a shower. He cries the entire time.

11:00: Think we were ready to get out the door to do the Important Errand of the Day. (Must go uptown to get the good Hungarian paprika! Very important.) Then baby poops, and I have to change him. Once he's changed, he wants to nurse.

11:45: Finally leave to go get the good paprika (sweet, not hot). Wonder the whole time if I've forgotten something I'll need. Don't need anything I've lugged along. Enjoy being out of the house with a Stated Purpose. Answer the same "He's a boy. 5 months. Once or twice a night. I think so, too, thank you" questions from kindhearted strangers on public transportation. Buy paprika.

1:00: Come home. Eat lunch (kind of).

2:00: Nurse baby down for second nap. While nursing, think about all the things I'm going to do while the baby is asleep. Wake up an hour later in a puddle of drool on the pillow. Baby wakes up 10 minutes later.

3:45: Play more games with the baby. Read to the baby. Sing to the baby. Get up and dance around with the baby. Play with baby while baby's doing Tummy Time. Give up and turn on the TV. Watch Michael, Giada, and Ina, then change channels when the blonde who desecrates store-bought muffins comes on. Start wondering if it's too early for my husband to have left work.

6:00: Husband walks in. Hand him the baby, then escape to the grocery store to shop for dinner items in peace.

Oh, yeah.

What really helped was when I started getting out and making some friends. I started going to a mothers' meeting, even when I wasn't that interested in the topic. I went with the specific goal of meeting one or two women I thought I could be friends with out of the whole group. (That way I didn't have to worry if I fit in with the group--I just had to find the one or two other women rolling their eyes at the same times I was.) After a few weeks of going, I tentatively asked one of the other women if she and her baby wanted to go get an iced coffee after the group. That's how it started. We started going for coffee after each group, and gradually started inviting another woman or two to go with us. Within a few months we had a group of about 6 of us that usually went to the meeting. We'd also try to get together for playgroup, all of us, once a week at someone's house. (We never even bothered with the pretense that our playgroup was for the babies.)

Having those two definite appointments with other moms with babies during the week helped with my daily flow immensely, because then I had a schedule for myself to work around. And it was so helpful to have friends that I could talk about adult things with, but who were also just as interested in the mundane baby stuff as I was.

So those are my two big tips: Go out once a day every day at around the same time, and find a group to go to (even if you don't love the whole group) and make your own regular subgroup of friends.

Readers? What does your schedule look like if you've got a younger baby? If your baby is older, what did you do and what would you recommend?

Comments

[wix]

Getting outside and walking around was always good for me, but in the interest of full disclosure I would rather do about five hundred things instead of sit in front of the television.

When CX was pre-mobile, we'd go to parks and I'd explain the different types of trees, we'd feel the leaves and bark and smell flowers. I'd talk about clouds and seeing shapes in the clouds. I'd explain what certain sounds were (siren, dog, bird, breeze, water, etc.).

If it was too hot (the real problem here in Texas, where it is rarely too cold to go outside), we'd just go to air-conditioned places like a museum or even the mall. It's a whole lot easier to take a 5-month-old in a sling/stroller/backpack to a museum than one might expect, much easier (in my opinion) than taking a rambunctious toddler.

The first step in breaking free of the tractor beam of the television is to just make it a non-option. Unplug it. Put it in a closet. Turn it off for a week and cover it with a tablecloth. Whatever it takes to break the habit, because it sounds like it is definitely a habit.

[Sherry]

I absolutely agree that getting out of the house is so important. Even if it's just a drive to the coffee shop drive thru for something or a quick walk around the mall or just aimlessly meandering around Target (we did that ALOT) for an hour or so. It does wonders for your (and the babies') attitudes. Plus, for me, with twins, I always felt chained to the house. So, by forcing myself out once a day, after a few months, it was like second nature for me and them.

As for ditching the TV, our solution was bringing more toys into their room rather than keeping everything in the living room. It helps.

[beaver girl]

I think the one errand a day thing is important. But after 4 - the tv helps me coast until dad gets home.

As much as some people mock the baby music or language classes - it gets you out of the house and around other people. Whether or not it does anything for the kid's development doesn't really matter to me. It's a place to go at a regular time - out of the house.

I also hate semi-homemade.

[AmyinMotown]

Sandra Lee!!! My husband and I TiVo her show with the express purpose of snarking her to bits.

This is helpful to me, to know other moms struggle with this! I actually have a harder time now that she's mobile and older than I did when she was young, probably because it was easier for me to define the schedule. Now that she's older, she decides what she does more often than not. I've also come up with some good suggestions here, thank!

[Her Bad Mother]

I totally second your two main pieces of advice - get outside, and find mom friends (two birds one stone - go to a busy playground and stalk other moms. You'd be surprised at how many moms with babies head to playgrounds and just sit in the sand or try the bucket swings.)

Our schedule (FWIW):

7/7:30 - Baby wakes up (personal cheer to myself - in own crib! in own room! unswaddled!). Nurse, commence playtime...

8 - 8:30 grab toast or oatmeal and banana while Baby jolly-jumps or plays with toys on floor.

9ish Baby nurses again (snack) and goes down for first nap, usually about 2 hrs...

(9 - 11ish for me - blog/email/newspaper/shower)

11ish up and getting dressed in 'out' clothes; playing/household errands until time for second nap...

1ish out in stroller. Errands/walk/park or playgroup or early learning program or storytime at library...

(this lasts most of the afternoon, especially now that it's spring. She nurses, and then snoozes later in stroller)

Home around 4 - 5. Around 6 Husband takes over, mostly.

7/7:30 nursing, and then rice cereal with EBM (she looooves this)

7:30/8:00 bathtime (Daddy) (also LOOOVES bath)

8:00/8:30 bedtime (both of us take her to her room, I nurse her again, Husband cuddles her and puts her in crib)

10:30/11:00 'dreamfeed' her.

And that's it. The getting outside in the afternoons is key - if we don't (because of rain, or mommy-laziness) she doesn't sleep as well, and I feel all coopy. And finding other parents also key. Strength in numbers. And playground picnic partners!

[Her Bad Mother]

Forgot to mention - Baby is 5 months old.

[meg]

I used to have little "stations" set up around my living room. He would roll around on the carpet with books for awhile, and then when he got cranky I would put him on the "bug" toy (that's what we called it. I think it was a playmat?) and then when he got cranky onto somewhere else. He would make the rounds once or twice before he got sleepy...I didn't know this was weird until my mom told me it was. It gave my morning some structure.
I agree with the getting out part. We used to walk to the park, which felt silly because he was too young to play and would just sit in the stroller once we got there, and sometimes even fall asleep, so what was the point? It was actually for me. I eventually made friends with another mom who was there around the same time as me each week.
I also took park and rec classes (for babies) and joined a moms group at a church. It wasn't the same religion I was, but the people were nice and welcoming, it gave me a set appointment once a week, and I had the chance to make friends. I also tried to go to the public library once a week. It was an outing I could count on (I had to return my books!) and it felt pretty wholesome!

[Meira]

I suspect many moms are in front of the TV all day until around now-- for me the key would be getting out of the habit of having the TV on. It seems like if it's on, I'm gonna get sucked in (it's as if they plan it that way ! lol!) and then the whole day is gone. So I practiced turning it off if I was actively interested, and other things developed. Usually, a lot of sitting on the floor with the babes. Getting out of the house is an excellent idea.

[Denise]

What a great question. It's tough, isn't it?

I recommend walks. Dog walk, walk to the coffeeshop, walk on the beach, run with the jogging stroller, whatever works. Because of our dog we're in the habit of going outside, no matter what the weather, and I don't see any reason why babies can't do that too. You may need a plastic cover or mosquito net or sun canopy for the stroller, but on all but the worst days I think it's great to get outside.

Swimming is a good option too, at least once a week. We had a great time signing up for classes at the Y.

Our mothers' club sets people up with playgroups. My first playgroup was a bit of a bust, but I got in with a second playgroup that I really like, and we sometimes get together in non-playgroup time, too.

Is there a gym with a babysitting room? That's usually good for an hour.

If there's any kind of a social center where you live, go there on a regular basis. Even if you can't get together with friends regularly (and that's always been a problem for me; theoretically I have friends, but we can't seem to connect) it just helps to see familiar faces and have brief adult conversations.

Good luck!

[Shandra]

These are all great. My playgroup is a life saver. I found 4 & 5 months the hardest so far (my baby's 8 months now) so hang in there.

I recommend Mother Goose programmes (nursery rhymes etc.) too - here they're offered through the library and also the early years centre. It's a good place to meet mums. Also going to the library is great. Mom & tot swims are good too.

Inside the house, a baby & me workout video can be fun.

I'm jealous of everyone with 2 hr naptimes. :)

[Amy]

No babies of my own yet but I was briefly a full time nanny. When you are watching someone elses kids falling back on TV isn't an option so you are forced to be creative. The thing that saved my sanity on cold or rainy days was the book store. This was in NYC and the family lived a few blocks from Central Park so on on nice days we would spend hours in the park. I would pack a big bag with toys, snacks etc and just go and sit on a blanket or walk around. Perfecting the "going out bag" is so key. Once you have it just right you can make up a checklist and never feel nervous about leaving the house for long periods of time. I had it down to a perfect science. I used to feel like Mary Poppins when I manged to have just what we needed in an unexpected situation and only got totally caught out once when the baby managed not only to poop all over herself, her extra change of clothes, the blanket, the diaper bag by my pants as well. That was a fun walk home. But usually we were fine just hanging in the park watching the world go by and letting her crawl all over the place and get tired out. But when it was rainy or cold Barnes and Noble saved the day. The kids section is packed during the day. They have nice bathrooms with changing stations and good coffee. I would read the baby a book or two and then find stuff to read myself while she napped in the stroller. If she woke up or fussed I would ask one of the other nannies to watch the stroller while I just walked her around the store until she calmed down. I was also blessed with a baby that napped in both the sling and the stroller quite happily so that helped a lot. I would also sometimes go to my local yarn store and just sit and knit and chat with the other women there while the baby napped. The women who worked there were all grandmas who lived far from their grandkids so my charge was doted on and happily passed around and got lots of attention when she woke up.

Many cities also have morning or early afternoon mommy and me movies. They are either first run stuff that has been out for a while or older movies. And they are full of babies and kids running around and women nursing. You don't have to worry if the baby screams and it is air conditioned on hot summer days. Maybe not much better than the TV but it gets you out of the house and you might meet some other moms to have coffee with afterwards. If you have a children's museum that has a free day that can be fun too. Even if your kid is too young to enjoy it it is a great way to get an idea of what older kids are up too and to meet people. Good luck. Those early months when they aren't all that interactive are hard. It gets easier every month and at a certain point I promise that he or she won't let you sack out in front of the TV so I wouldn't worry too much about it becoming a habit.